


Careful What You Wish For

by JulesHawke



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Romance, Science Fiction, Sexual Tension, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 86
Words: 268,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1814287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulesHawke/pseuds/JulesHawke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He'd worshiped her from afar, always wanted the chance to say hello, maybe to serve under her. Then his mission had gone horribly wrong and he blamed her, resented her for it. Or did he. James Vega finds himself in a position he never expected and has to come to terms with his own pain and doubt.<br/>Bioware owns all thing Mass Effect, I'm just playing in their sandbox.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here we go with the story of Commander Andora Shepard and James Vega. This Shepard is a colonist, war hero and an engineer. I hope you like her.
> 
> Chapters usually average between 2500 and 3500 words and I try to update weekly. This is told mostly from James' POV.
> 
> Just a note on timing. Fehl Prime and taking down the Collector Base happened in the same year. James mentions that his intel had become useless because of Shepard taking it down at the beginning ME3. I'm assuming, for the sake of this tale, that they happened pretty close together. I've also taken a bit of leeway for how Shepard is taken into custody. Hope you enjoy it.

**** 1 ****

He should have known better. James Vega's world became a living hell of bloodied bodies, pounding fists, broken bones and bruises. He cursed the vid that started it all as he fought his way through Afterlife, getting in his fair share of hits, taking out the eyes of those closest to him. The batarians were calling for blood over the destruction of a colony by Commander Shepard and his anger at both of them ended up with him surrounded and outnumbered.

It had seemed so easy to rip the vid screen from the wall, use it as a weapon to take down the batarians he'd been playing cards with minutes earlier, and to blame Commander Shepard for his need to do it. He had drowned in rage, lost control of himself and now it looked like he was going to lose his life. Diving out of the upper storey window and using a batarian as a landing platform probably hadn't been his wisest idea he thought as he shook his head to clear his vision, hurriedly getting to his feet as batarians charged out of the nightclub after him.

That was how Anderson found him. Running and fighting his way out of batarian hands as they tried to pull him down, to beat him for being a Shepard lover when he was anything but. James heard the shot and assumed one of his attackers had found a weapon. It wasn't until the batarians started backing away he realised it was someone else. He turned and looked into the disappointed eyes of David Anderson and knew he was in trouble. Not only that, he had let down someone he respected and admired. He wanted to curl up and die but Anderson walked him to his accommodation, sobered him up and lectured him long and hard about his behaviour.

'James, you have to get over this, you're too good a soldier to lose,' Anderson had yelled at him and James hated himself.

Anderson had been a friend, a mentor, for a long time now. He knew James' story, his past, and didn't feel sorry for him, instead he encouraged him at every opportunity. When he had joined the Alliance James had been unsure, afraid, although he would never admit to that. Anderson had found him and saw something that made him take him under his wing. He had guided James's career and had seen him become an excellent soldier and a reliable, trustworthy man. Now here he was pulling his ass out of the fire again.

_Pendejo_ , James cursed himself silently as Anderson tried to get him to see sense.

'You've been through this before, lost men in your unit, it happens.'

'Yeah, but this time was an absolute waste of lives. And it wasn't just my men, they were civilians.' James tried not to sound like he was making excuses but it still sounded like he was whining.

'I need you James, I have a mission,' Anderson sighed and James couldn't help but feel guilty. 'You've got an hour to decide if you still want to be a marine and if you want the job.'

'Why me?' James argued, 'You should be throwing me in the brig not dragging my ass back to the Alliance.' James hadn't been ready to go back when his leave was over so technically he was absent without leave, a punishable offence.

Anderson chuckled, 'oh, you'll be close. This is an important job and you're the only man I trust to do it.' He gripped James' shoulder and looked him in the eye, 'don't let me down.'

So, he'd packed his stuff and now sat in a dark corner of Afterlife, completely sober, trying to decide where his future lay. The ice cracked and tinkled against the side of the glass as he swirled his drink and it slowly melted. The dark brown liquid hadn't touched his lips, he'd bought it purely out of habit and he needed something to keep his hands occupied. He was completely oblivious to the noise and activity around him, the dancers, the music and the loud conversations trying to get over the music.

Only hours ago this had been his haven. The asari dancers, the noise, the fights and the alcohol had been his escape from reality, from guilt and grief. He hadn't had to think about what happened, how he felt like a failure, how he blamed himself. He drowned his sorrows, gambled away his grief and fought his way out of guilt. He had returned here, hoping to find some clarity of thought, but it wasn't working.

'You're quiet, James,' Jaruk wiped the bar, trying to look busy. 'Something wrong?'

James looked up at the Turian bartender, 'Yeah, I have a decision to make that will affect the rest of my life.'

'Does the decision affect anyone but you?'

'No, not really, might disappoint a few people.'

'Then what's the problem? You know deep within what the right choice is.' He stopped wiping the bar and looked James in the eye, 'What is it you humans say, follow your heart.'

'Easy for you to say,' James scowled.

'Look at it this way,' Jaruk shrugged, 'one year from now what would you rather be doing?' With a chuckle he walked away to serve another customer.

James thought about it. What would he rather be doing? Being a soldier was something he was good at, proud of. His uncle had convinced him that he should join up and he didn't regret that for a moment. He felt like he belonged, he had a family. Right up until his last mission.

Why was it affecting him so much? Most people looked at him and saw a burly, muscular man and assumed that was all he was, that he put everything into keeping himself fit, making himself look good. Not many took the time to find the caring heart underneath the hard looking exterior. That heart was giving him grief now.

He'd lost squad mates before, he was a soldier, it was expected. He'd never lost a CO before, never had to take command under battle conditions, and he'd liked Captain Toni, he was an officer who cared about the men under his command. He had definitely never been responsible for civilian deaths before. His choice to save the intel resulted in their deaths, only to find that the intel was already superseded by someone else's actions. That was where his coping mechanisms were failing him. He'd sacrificed innocent civilians for no reason. Did that make him a murderer?

Yeah, he was just following orders, gathering intel, he could use that as his excuse. It didn't stop the feelings of failure or of guilt. If he'd known the intel wasn't as important would he have made a different choice? He wasn't sure. Would he have let Treeya die, saved April and her mother, saved the colonists? Grief threatened to overwhelm him as he thought about them but he forced it down, resisted the urge to gulp down his drink. Whichever way he'd chosen someone would have died. All he could see now was that the Alliance had put him in that position and he hated them for it.

Yet he didn't want to quit. He'd been a soldier long enough to know that situations changed, that those changes didn't carry down the line of command very quickly. Being on the ground involved spur of the moment thinking, dealing with what the mission threw at you. He made his decisions based on what he knew at the time. He also knew what was coming if the rumours were true, if Shepard was right. War. Those civilians had become casualties of a war that was only just beginning.

The decision really was easy. He wasn't the kind to spend his life wallowing in self-pity with no direction or purpose. He had a purpose, he had to defend those who couldn't defend themselves, put himself between the enemy and their targets. He was a soldier, it was what he did, proudly. With a shrug and a sigh he pushed aside his drink, stood and walked out of Afterlife to meet Anderson's shuttle.

* * *

Commander Shepard. Commander fucking Shepard!

James didn't know whether to be angry or disappointed. Babysitting. The important mission Anderson had wanted him for was babysitting Commander Shepard. He'd expected to be going planet side somewhere, he could have dealt with that, had something to focus on. Instead, he would be stuck on Earth at HQ, babysitting a damn hero of the Citadel, Elysium and more. Security Officer. Anderson had given it a fancy title and when James had pointed out that it was still babysitting Anderson had given him a strange look, chuckled and shook his head.

'I think you'll find her an unruly, difficult child,' Anderson had scoffed. 'James, I need you to do this. I need someone I can trust to do what needs to be done, to make sure she survives what's coming.' Anderson spoke softly and James suddenly realised there was more to this. 'I need you to be ready for anything.'

James thought about it. The last person in the galaxy that needed protection was Commander Shepard. The woman was a legend. She'd been his hero since the first time he heard of her, holding off batarians single handedly, taking down Saren who worked for a Reaper, _oh that's right, they didn't exist_. He'd admired her, worshipped her in his own way, which resulted in numerous cold showers. He carried a patch of the Normandy, always hoping, wishing, he might get the chance to meet her, to serve with her. He'd seen her once and promised himself next time he'd say hello. This wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind.

Then she'd died and come back. He was the first to admit he didn't understand how that happened, only that it had. She'd taken down the Collectors, supposedly stopped the Reapers by destroying a solar system and killing a batarian colony. There were many who called her a traitor because she used Cerberus to do it. She was the reason his intel had become useless, redundant. She was the reason the civilian lives he'd sacrificed played on his mind, haunted him. He resented her for it.

Yet here he was, sitting in a shuttle with two of the highest ranking, most highly decorated officers of the Alliance. Admirals Anderson and Hackett. Two men he was in awe of. They were heading out to meet the Normandy. Shepard was surrendering to the Alliance.

It had been ten days since the destruction of the Bahak system and there had been calls for Shepard's head from the batarians. The Citadel Council had been unusually quiet, letting the Alliance deal with their ex-officer. James was sure they didn't want to get caught in the middle of a war between humanity and the batarians, even though Shepard was still a Spectre and humanity had a member on that council. They were passing the buck.

Anderson had given James Shepard's file, warning him that there was a lot of classified information that wasn't public knowledge but he needed to know the woman he would be responsible for guarding. James hadn't read any of it yet, he hadn't wanted to. There was still resentment there and he was wondering if he truly was the man for this job. It didn't help when he'd discovered that she was surrendering under certain conditions. Under Alliance law she was a criminal, she would go to trial for what she'd done. What right did she have to set conditions? He didn't understand why two of the most powerful men in the Alliance were protecting her. But then he didn't know why Anderson hadn't thrown him in the brig either.

He was lost in a sea of confusing thoughts. He'd admired her, was in awe of her and yet he blamed her for his mission being a complete waste of lives. He'd always wanted to meet her, to see if the woman underneath the Commander was as hard and cold as rumours said, now he was getting that opportunity and all he wanted to do was run away.

'Are you alright, James?' Anderson was frowning at him and James guessed his doubts must have shown.

'Fine sir,' James nodded and rolled his neck to ease the tension in his shoulders and winced as pain reminded him of the bruising on his body. At least he'd had a clean Alliance t-shirt so he could lose the bloody one he'd been wearing when Anderson found him. He hadn't packed much when he'd headed for Omega, he definitely hadn't carried his dress blues or uniform. He reached up absently at the butterfly strip that was holding the cut above his eye closed, he hadn't packed any medigel either.

'Looking forward to meeting Commander Shepard, Lieutenant?' Hackett asked cheerfully.

'Just doing my job, sir.'

Hackett glanced at Anderson who shook his head. Anderson was a little concerned, he knew James had always admired Shepard but since Fehl Prime James had hardened. He was an excellent marine, quick thinking, cared about those under his command, was not afraid to get down in the mud if necessary and he was physically capable of holding off would be attackers. He was someone who always did the right thing, knew what the right decision was; Anderson was going to nominate him for N training. But Fehl Prime had made him doubt himself. He reminded him very much of Shepard, especially after Elysium and then Virmire, and Anderson couldn't think of a more suitable guard for her. He hoped James would become a friend to Shepard, she was going to need one. He also thought it might drag James out of the fugue he was in, he knew the marine was better than that.

'Approaching the Normandy, sir,' the pilot broke into his thoughts.

James watched on the monitor as the Normandy came into view. She was sleek and sexy, but extensive damage was clearly visible. Gouges along her hull and kinetic barriers covering holes told of serious fighting. But she was still flying.

'She's a bit worse than I expected,' Anderson sounded worried.

'With what she's been through I'm not surprised,' Hackett sighed.

'That's some ship,' James couldn't hide his awe. He hadn't seen the SR-2 and he was impressed.

'Yes she is,' Anderson chuckled. 'Bigger, faster and better armed than the SR-1. You have to give Cerberus credit, they certainly know how to build ships. Shepard knows how to make it deadly.'

James watched the ship grow larger. He'd followed the Normandy since the commissioning of the SR-1, he liked the idea of a stealth ship and he'd been impressed right from the start. He knew about her pilot, his illness, and wondered why he'd been given the job. When the stories had started coming in during their chase for Saren James had begun to understand. He'd been on one of the ships during the Citadel attack, he'd watched in amazement as the Normandy danced among the enemy, dealing the killing blow to a monster no-one wanted to believe was real. The pilot might not be able to walk very well but he could certainly fly. Obviously others thought so too as that same pilot was at the helm of the new Normandy.

'Normandy, Admirals Hackett and Anderson request permission to enter the shuttle bay,' the pilot followed standard procedure.

'If it was up to me I'd say no,' came back the reply, 'but it's not so I guess you can come in.'

'Guess Joker hasn't changed,' Anderson barked a laugh and Hackett chuckled.

James almost gaped. He'd seen Anderson dress down a soldier for ignoring protocol, but to laugh off straight out rudeness was unexpected.

'You'll get used to Joker,' Anderson grinned at him. 'Once you get past his defences you might actually like him.'

'It will be good to have him and the Normandy back in the fleet,' Hackett nodded. 'I've never seen anyone fly like he does. Although now he's been through the Omega 4 relay and lived to tell about it he'll be impossible to live with.'

'He's earned it. He saved all their lives going by Shepard's report.'

James didn't think his eyes could get any wider or his eyebrows any higher. _Holy Hell! The Omega 4!_ He really needed to read some of Shepard's files and the numerous reports from her time with Cerberus. He knew they'd taken down the Collectors and stopped the Reapers, it was why his mission was all but a failure, but he didn't realise they'd gone through the Omega 4 relay to do it. He had to admit though, he'd been too busy drowning his own sorrows and blaming her for his grief to listen to details when news started coming in. After Alliance brass had told him his intel wasn't needed because Shepard had already sent them more detailed reports he'd deliberately turned off any news of Shepard, it was why he'd ripped that vid screen from the wall. That and an underlying need to prove to himself that he was over his Shepard worship.

'You didn't read any of the files, did you James,' Anderson sighed and shook his head.

'Ah, no sir, sorry sir,' James tried to ignore the heat in his face.

'I suggest you do.' Hackett pulled himself upright as the shuttle entered the bay of the Normandy. 'You need to know who you're protecting her from and exactly what she can do.'

'Yes sir,' James nodded and followed Anderson to his feet.


	2. Chapter 2

 

**** 2 ****

This was the Normandy. Stepping onto her deck was bittersweet. James always hoped he'd get the chance to stand here, to be on board what had become a legendary ship, in either incarnation. The SR-1 had been the most talked about ship in the fleet, he'd been proud to wear his 'Remember the Normandy' badge on his arnour. This version of the Normandy was living up to the legend of the first even if it was under a Cerberus banner. He very much doubted that this was still a Cerberus ship, this was Shepard's ship, just like the first one. He'd always wanted to meet the crew who were legends in their own right, hear their tales of adventure and suicidal missions.

That all changed after Fehl Prime. He'd let go of his hero worship, forgotten all about the Normandy and what she stood for, he was too busy trying to avoid his own failings. He'd been confused and completely shell shocked by his promotion for letting civilians die. He'd sworn to protect them and he had been rewarded for breaking that oath. Now he stood on the deck and there was resentment for her commander. Logically he knew it wasn't her fault but he still hadn't dealt with his own grief and guilt. He realised he would have to come to terms with it, and soon if he was going to be spending time with the woman he partially blamed for his failure.

The Normandy was something else. He glanced around at the shuttle and hammerhead sitting in the bay, now that he'd like to fly. The armoury was missing. On an Alliance ship it would be on this deck, close to where ground teams departed for missions so maybe Cerberus only built to civilian specs. The sound of elevator doors opening dragged his eyes back to the direction Anderson and Hackett were heading. They both stopped as the elevator opened and crew members stepped out.

James watched curiously as they stepped between the two admirals and the elevator. The man in the lead walked with a limp but the determination and pride in his step was unmistakable. His eyes were hidden under a cap but James could feel the resentment aimed at the admirals from where he stood against the shuttle. This had to be the pilot. James watched as he stopped, smirked at the admirals then turned so he was sideways to the elevator and stood at parade rest.

A turian moved opposite him, his armour damaged and his face scarred. His cold eyes stared at the admirals then he too turned and stood at parade rest. There was pride in his stance and an unassuming strength the way his hands rested against his back. James wasn't stupid, he knew experience when he saw it, he'd seen enough turian soldiers to know they were dependable and capable warriors. James wondered what it would be like to talk weapons with him, spar with him, if he was on the Normandy he had to be good at what he did and he was more than happy to learn from it. One by one other crew members stepped into line, one to each side creating a corridor leading to the elevator.

A dark haired woman whose outfit left little to the imagination, although he could see where a patch had been added, as if something had been removed or covered. A quarian, obviously a female from her shape, standing proudly alongside the others, her face hidden beneath the mask that James knew was keeping her alive. A grizzled old warrior whose armour had definitely seen better days and his face showed just how rough his life had been. A drell, not a species often seen, especially on a warship, there was a calmness about him but James got the feeling he was deadly. A krogan, a young one by krogan standards, he was obviously not happy about the situation as he fidgeted angrily.

'Grunt,' the turian gave him a glance and he settled down, quietly watching the two admirals and James knew he'd be uncomfortable under that glare. The very fact that the krogan had taken notice of the turian made James more aware of how high up he was in the hierarchy on the ship. Krogans didn't usually take orders from someone they didn't respect.

More crew appeared as the elevator made a second trip into the cargo bay. A dark skinned man who had the stance of a soldier; a heavily tattooed, almost dressed woman who had an air of danger about her as she stood with her arms folded across her chest, her hip cocked and anger in her eyes, aimed squarely at the two admirals. She was someone James would hate to meet in a dark alley. An asari stood beside her in the most seductive armour James had ever seen. She was regal in stature but power rolled off her in waves and the hair on the back of James' neck stood up. There was a female, her face hidden by a hood but he got the feeling she was extremely agile and deliberately wouldn't stand out in a crowd. A salarian who looked like he'd won first prize at a science fair, James didn't know they could smile so wide.

He couldn't help the gasp that escaped as a geth stepped into line. It had a gaping hole in its body and N7 armour strapped to its arm. There was no shifting of feet or nervous glances as it took its place in line. It was obviously part of the crew and James was completely at a loss as to how that could possibly happen. The elevator dinged and even more crew stepped out. People continued to form the lines, these were engineers, medical and bridge crew. A blue flash caught his eye in the observation window on the engineering deck as an orb appeared and he assumed it was some sort of VI interface, possibly recording what was happening.

James suddenly realised that those at his end of the line were Shepard's ground team, the people she relied on to have her back in a fire fight, except for the pilot of course, but even he'd done his fair share of having her back. James had read about Jeff 'Joker' Moreau and his skill as a pilot, he'd always wanted to meet the man and now here he was on the Normandy. The magnitude of that wasn't lost on him.

These people were making it abundantly clear that they were not impressed with the unfolding events. The tension in the room was thick enough to slice with a knife. He shivered and he was seriously impressed with the two admirals who stood directly before these people and didn't flinch. For a fleeting moment he was afraid the crew might take matters into their own hands, stop Shepard from surrendering. He doubted Hackett and Anderson would stand a chance if that happened, N7s or not, hell, he wouldn't stand a chance either and his hand to hand skills were better than most.

The elevator dinged again and James straightened instinctively. There was no more room for crew so only one person could be about to step onto the deck. As much as there was resentment in his head, there was still admiration for a great warrior in his heart. She was someone who had beaten the odds, become a famous marine, a decorated N7 and a Spectre, and now she had taken down an enemy dedicated to killing off the human race. Why wouldn't he be in awe of her?

The door slid aside as the pilot called everyone to attention. It was instinctive, muscle memory, and James found himself following the command. Everyone on the deck followed it, even the non-military personnel raised their hand in salute. The respect these people were showing was mind blowing because this wasn't a military ship in the strictest sense of the word. He doubted Cerberus required their crews to salute.

His eyes were riveted to the woman standing in the open doorway. For a moment she faltered, her eyes taking in her crew and he was sure he saw her breath hitch before she pulled herself erect and stepped onto the deck. It was so fast he thought he might have imagined it but as she worked her way down the line, stopping to speak to everyone individually and personally thanking them, he realised he hadn't. Her crew mattered to her that was obvious.

James was unable to look away. This woman was the reason he felt so guilty, she was the reason he felt like a failure, like a murderer. She was nothing like he expected. He'd seen the news reports about Elysium, hell, she was partly responsible for him joining the Alliance. He'd seen her once, years ago, a fleeting glimpse before she became _the_ Commander Shepard. After that, he'd only seen vids or images where she was presented as the greatest human warrior in the known universe and he'd expected someone completely different, someone befitting the legend.

He was amazed at how small she was, petite and most definitely feminine. She wasn't solid or butch like many female marines he'd known she was athletic and shapely. There was fluid grace in the way she moved, every movement precise and he wondered if she'd be the same on the battlefield. Her blonde hair rested on her collar and framed her face and though he could only see the side of her face it looked delicate. She was not what he expected at all. She was beautiful the first time he'd seen her, she was even more so now.

'Tell them all to fuck off, Shepard,' the tattooed woman held on to Shepard's arms. 'We can still go pirate.'

Shepard laughed but there was a tremor in her voice. As she moved down the line James could see her hands were shaking. The closer she got to the end the harder it seemed to be to let go of the hugs and move away. The turian held her tight, James thought he was never going to let her go but as they parted he was sure there were tears in both their eyes. He didn't know turians could cry. The pilot looked at the floor as she turned to him, maybe he figured if he didn't say goodbye she wouldn't leave. There was tenderness in her touch as she reached for his hands.

James felt like he was sharing something intimate as she wrapped her arms around the pilot and he returned the gesture. He buried his face in her neck, knocking his cap sideways. She clung to him, burying her face in his chest and James saw her shudder. It was almost as if she was trying not to cry. Was there something going on between these two? They weren't on an Alliance ship so regs probably weren't an issue. As she stepped back and cupped the pilot's face she gave him a weak smile and kissed him ever so softly on the cheek. That wasn't a lover's kiss that was friendship and appreciation, it was more like a sisterly kiss. Shepard visibly straightened, took a deep breath and turned to face the two admirals, snapping to attention and saluting.

'Admirals,' she waited for acknowledgement before dropping her arm and moving to parade rest.

'Shepard,' Anderson's voice shook and James glanced at him in surprise as he stepped forward and pulled the woman into hug, completely ignoring protocol and not hiding the emotion on his face.

'Anderson,' Shepard whispered but it echoed around the bay as she hugged him back. The relief on her face was obvious and James guessed there was more than a professional relationship between them. 'I'm glad it's you.'

'I wouldn't have it any other way,' he stepped back and Hackett stepped forward.

'Shepard,' he shook her hand but again James couldn't help but wonder if there was more there as well. The way his hand rested on her arm was more than CO and subordinate. He was really wishing now he'd read some of those files.

'Shepard, I'm glad you're doing this willingly,' Anderson placed his hand on her shoulder and glanced at the crew behind her when the pilot snorted. 'Joker,' Anderson walked over to the man who after a thoughtful pause reached for Anderson's offered hand. 'Thank you for taking care of her, I'm glad she had you watching her back.'

'Someone had to,' he scoffed and Anderson nodded.

'Garrus,' Anderson turned to face the turian who also took his offered hand after a pause. 'Glad to see you too.'

'What's going to happen to Shepard now?' The turian kept his grip on Anderson's hand, almost as if he was waiting for him to say the wrong thing.

'I can't tell you that, Garrus,' Anderson sounded remorseful. 'The fewer people who know what's going on the better.' The turian nodded and released his hand.

James was finding the whole thing surreal. He'd expected to come on board, take Shepard into custody and watch over her so she didn't escape or her crew didn't try and break her out. But this … this was like a family reunion and it was completely messing with his head. He knew of Garrus Vakarian, how he'd been there from the start with Shepard. Shepard, Moreau and Vakarian were three names he knew well, names among others he'd admired and he guessed that because they'd been together for so long they would be like family. He desperately wanted to be a part of that family. But he was here to take away their commander, the crew would probably hate him.

'I'm assuming that you've accepted my surrender and my conditions,' Shepard drew attention back to herself.

'Of course,' Hackett nodded. 'Only a select few know what's going on, people we can trust implicitly.'

'So Joker can have basic repairs done on Omega then drop any remaining crew off on Illium before bringing the Normandy to Earth where she will be loaned to the Alliance for the duration.' Shepard was frowning and James almost gaped.

'Yes, as per your acceptance we will have an Alliance Officer meet the Normandy at Illium to facilitate her return to Earth.' Hackett smiled as she nodded.

'Guess we'd better get this show on the road then,' Shepard sighed. With a last touch of the pilot's hand and a gentle rub on the arm of the turian she moved between the admirals.

'James,' Anderson called him over and James hurried to where the admiral waited. 'Shepard, this is Lieutenant James Vega, he will be your shadow during this fiasco. He is responsible for you and your safety during your stay at HQ.'

James suddenly felt like a fish in a bowl as all eyes turned towards him. He forced himself erect and met the questioning stares of the crew before facing Shepard. These people were some of the best warriors out there and he had a lot to live up to.

'Ma'am.' He saluted and Shepard chuckled.

'No need to salute me LT, I'm not in the Alliance.'

'Yes, ma'am,' James dropped his arm and met her gaze. She might not be in the Alliance, he might not be her biggest fan right now, but she was definitely someone worthy of respect.

Her amber eyes looked him over, narrowing slightly as she took in the newly acquired bruises and cuts on his face. When he met her eyes he was blown away at the power and strength looking back at him. It hit him then. This was no ordinary woman, she could probably wipe the floor with him, how the hell was he supposed to prevent her from escaping. As if sensing his thoughts the corner of her mouth tilted up and it was the sexiest thing James had ever seen. He heard his heart pounding and hurriedly forced his thoughts under control.

'He'll do,' Shepard chuckled.

'Thank god,' Anderson stooped in relief, 'I was afraid I'd have a fight on my hands.'

'No,' Shepard sighed and James could hear defeat in her voice. 'I understand the necessity.'

'Are you ready, Shepard?' Hackett took her elbow gently in his hand and she nodded. 'All right, let's do this.'

'Ten Hut!' The pilot's command echoed around the bay and once again James found himself straightening.

Shepard turned and accepted her crew's salute before hurriedly walking to the shuttle. She kept her back straight and her face held no emotion as she stepped aboard and took a seat, never once glancing back. James followed the admirals who sat opposite leaving only a seat alongside Shepard for him. Rather than sit he hung on to the support beam above him and remained standing.

Shepard sat rigidly in the seat as the shuttle left the bay and James was starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, she was the cold hearted bitch everyone said she was. He would be happy about that, it would make it easier to handle being around her. His head told him that it would be easier to blame her that way, his heart was telling him that this was all wrong, that she didn't deserve this or his bitterness. He almost groaned aloud as the two sides of his conscience warred in his head. She had to be the cold hearted monster otherwise he was already lost, he'd give himself heart and soul to protect her. It was who he was, he couldn't do this any other way.


	3. Chapter 3

**** 3 ****

James watched the Normandy grow smaller as they moved away, saddened by the thought that he might never get to stand on her deck again, apprehensive about the future and a little excited about spending time with Shepard. A reverent silence permeated the shuttle, it was a heavy weight sitting on their shoulders as the ship became a dot in the distance. The Normandy receded and the future approached. A future that could have them all fighting for their lives if what Shepard said was true.

He glanced at Shepard and his breath caught in his throat at the emotion on her face. Her shoulders were slumped and her hands clenched as if she was in pain. Her eyes were moist and he was almost sure he saw a tremor in her bottom lip before she bit down on it. She was leaving more than just a ship, she was leaving her home, her family. She was being ripped away from everything loved. She hadn't not looked back because she was a cold hearted monster, she hadn't looked back because it would have broken her, shattered the illusion that she was in control. His heart went out to her, he wanted to take away her pain.

Shock cursed through him. Only an hour ago he'd wanted to be re-assigned, wanted to be away from the woman he blamed for his failure. What resentment he'd felt seemed to disappear as he watched her fight the emotion that was tearing her apart. This wasn't a woman who had deliberately gone out of her way to make him look like a murderer, she hadn't even known he existed. Everything he'd blamed her for was wrong, he made the decisions, he chose what he believed to be the right thing. He'd been doing his job just like she had. She could live with her choices, as painful as they might be. He needed to do the same.

As the Normandy disappeared from view James watched in amazement as the woman he'd admired for so long became the Commander he'd heard about. The vulnerability was gone, all emotion buried where it couldn't be used against her, she looked like the cold, unfeeling person he'd expected. She was preparing for a battle that would be more painful, more depressing and more heartbreaking than anything she'd probably faced before. She was putting her fate into the hands of those who didn't believe her and didn't trust her.

This time though there would be no team at her back to watch over her, no-one to take the shot that would bring down her enemy. She would be alone in a place where her life would be at risk, where anyone could be an enemy but not appear so. Looking at her now James could believe she was unbeatable, cold hearted, but for a brief moment he'd seen the woman underneath.

In that moment James felt an overwhelming need to protect _her_ , that warm, caring person whose heart was breaking, not the monster who still lingered in his mind. He knew right then that he would put his life on the line for _her_ and have no regret. He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the roller-coaster ride of conflicting emotions, one minute wanting to protect her the next wanting to hate her. James knew he needed time to learn about her, to get under the skin of Commander Shepard, maybe learn from her, to come to terms with the woman and not the legend.

The silence was oppressive, he wanted to drop to his knees under its weight and the emotions of those around him only added to the intensity of it. He opened his eyes to find her looking up at him and she nodded as if she understood what he was feeling.

'A Geth?' Anderson's voice broke the silence as he looked at her in disbelief and James let out a soft, relieved sigh. 'An assassin, a justicar, a mercenary, a thief, an uncontrollable biotic and a krogan, that's some team you put together Shepard.' He shook his head and Hackett chuckled, 'at least you had Garrus and Tali standing beside you, not sure how to feel about the Cerberus operatives though.'

'Whatever it takes to get the job done,' she shrugged and James realised that he thought the same way, always had and probably always would. 'What's being done to prepare?'

James assumed she was asking about her trial, how they would deal with the batarians call for blood. He knew there was no avoiding that so he was completely surprised when Hackett replied.

'We've got the fleets shoring up defences, we've managed to get a few ships fitted with better armaments but it's not enough.' Hackett sighed and brought up a fleet list, which he sent to Shepard's omnitool.

'What about stockpiles of supplies and ammunition?'

'We're making sure all ships are fully loaded with ammunition, food supplies are a little difficult. If we had a time frame it would be easier to prepare.' Hackett sent her another file. 'We're stockpiling on Earth and Luna. If the Reapers hit earth at least we'll have something to fight with.'

'We read your reports about the collector base and what you found,' Anderson frowned at her. 'A human reaper?'

'Yeah,' she visibly shivered and a look of horror crossed her face as she pulled her eyes away from her omnitool.

James couldn't help but feel worried. Anything that put a look like that on Shepard's face had to be bad. It suddenly registered what Anderson had said. Shepard had been sending them reports during her time with Cerberus, which had to be a double-edged blade. He strongly doubted that Cerberus would appreciate her sharing the knowledge with the Alliance, the Alliance would suspect anything that came from a Cerberus source. It was another target on her back. He really needed to read her files. It was also proof that she still believed in the Alliance, she was still Commander Shepard even though she didn't have the dog tags. For all anyone knew she could have been undercover, on an N7 mission, wasn't that what they did. Her voice dragged him out of his thoughts.

'What I didn't put in my reports was how they were building it, I found it hard to believe so putting in a report ….' She sighed and sat upright, meeting the gaze of the two men opposite. 'I've seen a lot of horror as a marine, as an N7 but this was beyond anything I've ever seen before.' She glanced out the window before continuing. 'I had to watch one of my crew and a colonist from somewhere get dissolved and sucked up into that thing. They were making human soup out of everyone they'd collected. I wasn't fast enough to save them.' She met their eyes calmly but her hands were shaking, 'they were still alive. I had to listen to their screams as their skin was washed away, as their muscle and bone just dissolved. All that was left was a sludge that was sucked through tubes to feed the monstrosity they were creating.'

James wanted to puke. Just the idea was enough to make his stomach churn but having to watch it and not be able to do anything about it …. as he looked at the admirals he could see their pale faces matched how he felt. He could only imagine how hard that would have been for her after seeing how she was with her crew. He suddenly felt disgusted with himself for ever blaming her for his own guilt. She deserved so much better than that.

'Then that fucking asshole …' she stood up and James stepped against the bulkhead as she paced the small space. She was angry and he understood her need to move. 'He wanted me to keep it intact, let Cerberus have it. He ordered Miranda to stop me from blowing the fucking thing up.' She stopped and shook her head, 'if Miranda hadn't stood up to him things might have been a whole lot different.'

'You always did have a way of drawing people to you,' Anderson was still pale and the weak smile he gave her held little warmth.

'Shit,' James whispered and the two admirals chuckled. 'Sorry, sirs,' he straightened, remembering who he was with.

'You'd better get used to speaking freely, around Shepard it's the normal way of life,' Anderson shook his head and chuckled when James looked at Shepard in surprise. 'Damn, I guess he's another soldier I'm about to lose to you Shepard.'

'I'll take good care of him sir,' Shepard grinned.

James looked at them both in turn, confusion evident on his face at the turn in conversation. He eventually met Shepard's stare and she simply raised an eyebrow at him.

'Anyway, we fought our way out.' She returned to her pacing, 'If I ever hear Harbinger's voice again it will be too soon.' When they gave her puzzled stares she grinned, 'yeah, seems this particular Reaper has it in for me. I guess I got their attention when we killed Sovereign, took down the Collectors and then I blew up the Alpha relay.'

'Two days?' Anderson looked from Hackett to Shepard, 'it was that close?'

'Yeah,' Shepard sat down and James moved a little closer. 'I just wish …'

'You did what you had to do, Shepard,' Anderson glanced up at James.

'Doesn't make it any easier to live with,' she sighed and looked out the window. 'Three hundred thousand batarians died because I did what I had to do.' Her voice cracked but she quickly cleared her throat and fought down emotion.

James stared at the floor, he couldn't bring himself to meet Anderson's gaze. He only killed a handful of civilians compared to her but she was right. It didn't make it any easier to live with. It felt strange to think he shared something with Shepard, even if it was guilt and regret.

'I'm sorry, Shepard,' Hackett lost some of the composure James had come to recognise. 'When I sent you in there I had no idea things would go so wrong.'

'You weren't to know, sir,' she sighed and shook her head.

'I should have,' he said forcefully and James could hear the guilt in his voice. 'I should have gathered more intelligence, I should have let you take your team.' He sat back against the seat with a sigh. 'You risked your life as a favour to me. I risked us losing you, two days unconscious and held close to a Reaper artifact. If I'd known Kenson and her team were indoctrinated I would have sent in a ghost team.'

'What's done is done,' she stared at the floor.

James looked at the admiral in surprise but it quickly turned to anger. He'd sent Shepard in, alone, as a favour to him and now he was letting her take the blame for it. Hackett might consider her special, important and irreplaceable but that didn't stop him from risking her life, risking everyone's future. His guilt made him appear like a friend rather than a superior but the man had just dropped several levels in James' eyes, the respect he had for the man replaced by condemnation. He knew Hackett had to send troops into dangerous situations but this was beyond that. This was personal.

'I know, but it doesn't make it any easier,' Hackett leant forward, elbows on his knees as he tried to look into her eyes. 'Now you have to go through this farce of a trial just to appease those who want to bury their heads in the sand.' She lifted her head and met his eyes before smirking and sitting upright. 'I'm still willing to admit to giving the order.'

'No!' she shook her head vehemently. 'We need you where you are, you're the one chance we have to be prepared, as much as we can be.'

Hackett sighed and sat back, remorse and sadness rolling off him in waves and James realised he might have misjudged him, assumed too quickly. He needed to stop jumping to conclusions and think things through. He needed to get his head back in the game.

'Anyway, the collector base is destroyed.' Shepard continued, 'Joker saved our lives. You should have seen him,' her face lit up and again James thought there was more than friendship there. 'We went through the Omega 4 relay with no idea what was on the other side. We came out into this huge debris field, hundreds of ships destroyed, just hanging there. Joker got us through, it was amazing to watch.'

'We always knew he was good,' Anderson chuckled.

'Good, he was brilliant. When the oculi came after us he found every hole, every space in the debris. He did it without even thinking about it.' Her face fell but there was still pride there, 'we took down the collector ship that destroyed the SR-1, Joker fired that shot, it was pure revenge and damn it felt good.' She gazed out the window for a moment as if remembering. 'Joker got us out of there with seconds to spare when we blew up the collector base.' She was serious as she turned her glare on the admirals, 'he deserves a commendation, hell he deserves a lot more than that. He deserves a medal and if he is grounded again I'll never forgive either of you.''

James swallowed hard at the look she gave the two men and it completely floored him when Admiral Hackett chuckled.

'I'll personally put those commendations into his file, once we've cleared you we might have to see about medals.' The old warrior smiled as Shepard nodded at him.

'Don't know about the medals,' she grinned, 'he might have to shave for that.'

Anderson laughed freely, he was obviously familiar with the eccentricities of the pilot and James felt like he was among family. It was strange because his family had never felt like this. Anderson brought up his omnitool and talk became serious as they asked Shepard for advice. He was lost in his own thoughts when he felt eyes upon him.

'I'm assuming the LT is cleared for everything,' she was looking up at him, her brown eyes meeting his as if she was assessing his soul.

'James has full clearance,' Anderson nodded. 'He needs to be kept in the loop and I thought you might find it useful to have someone to speak to during your R&R.'

Shepard scoffed and James couldn't help but smile as she shook her head, 'is that what we're calling it?'

'Better than saying incarceration,' Anderson shrugged.

Shepard just sighed and went back to studying the information on her omnitool, as if it was an everyday thing for her to be heading to prison. It came as a surprise to James to discover that he was glad to be here, that he was going to be the one taking care of Shepard. Maybe his hero worship wasn't buried as deep as he thought it was. He felt other eyes on him and glanced at Anderson who was watching him. As if he could see James' acceptance and understanding of the situation he nodded and a smile played at the corner of his mouth. James had an uncomfortable feeling he'd been set up, strangely enough he was happy about it.

'SSV Orizaba, Admiral Hackett's shuttle returning, requesting security dock in bay A1.'

James glanced through the viewport in the cockpit to see the hulk of the dreadnaught blocking everything else from view.

'Roger that,' there was a pause on the other end, 'approach when ready.'

There was a soft thud as the shuttle touched down in the bay and James straightened, ready to disembark. The two admirals stood and Shepard slowly got to her feet.

'Lieutenant,' Hackett grabbed his attention. 'You will take Commander Shepard to a specially prepared room on this deck. No-one is to know she is on board.' Hackett sent the details to James' omnitool. 'We will be at Earth in twelve hours.'

'Yes, sir,' James looked at his tool and nodded.

Shepard moved up beside him as they exited the shuttle and the warmth that suddenly brushed his side startled him. He looked at her in surprise before focusing on his job. There was no-one around and James assumed the admirals were trying to keep Shepard protected. They reached the prepared room with no interference and James stared in amazement. There was a lounge, a small kitchen and dining area, a bedroom and a small bathroom. There was food and drink so they wouldn't have to leave the room.

'This is nice,' Shepard chuckled as she dropped onto the lounge and looked up at James. 'Guess we'd better get comfortable.'

James wasn't sure how to react. Her casual attitude was unexpected and she laughed at the open-mouthed stare on his face.

'Relax, LT,' she grinned at him. 'We're going to be spending a lot of time together so you'd better get used to it.'

James sighed and sat stiffly in a chair. He was finally alone with someone he considered his hero and he felt like a teenager meeting a girl for the first time. He could feel the flush in his cheeks as Shepard stared at him and he wondered if he'd ever get used to being around her. Right now he didn't think so. He groaned inwardly, this was going to be a long twelve hours.


	4. Chapter 4

**** 4 ****

'So, Lieutenant, how did you end up with guard detail?'

James jumped, dragged his gaze from his boots and looked at Shepard. She'd kicked off her boots and stretched out on the lounge, one hand behind her head the other covering her eyes as if to block out the light. It had been quiet since they entered the room twenty minutes earlier, he'd assumed she was asleep.

James had been unsure about what to do so he'd stayed in the chair, locked in his own confused mind and his eyes empty as he stared at the closest thing that didn't need thinking about. That happened to be his boots. He blinked, his dry eyes burned and he realised he must have been staring for a while.

How did he answer the question that came out of the blue? Should he tell her that he'd been drinking himself into a stupor, feeling sorry for himself but blaming her for it? He guessed he'd hesitated too long when she raised her arm and turned her head to look at him.

'Just lucky, I guess.' He shrugged and her eyes narrowed.

_Pendejo! Nice way to start building trust and make her believe you're a capable soldier._ He watched as she sat up and tried not to stare at the bright blue tank top visible through her open jacket. The jacket was similar to Alliance dress style but the colours were wrong, black and grey instead of blue. He guessed they were Cerberus colours and although there was no insignia visible there were a couple of spots where it had obviously been removed. She'd unclipped it when she lay down and it had fallen open to reveal cleavage and a well-toned abdomen. The bright blue colour had caught his eyes and he had to force himself to concentrate on other things. Those other things turned out to be his own thoughts and before he knew it he was lost in them.

'Okay,' she leant on her knees and clasped her hands in front of her.

Her eyes raked over him and James stopped himself from flexing, it was something he'd always done when a beautiful woman looked him over. He wasn't uncomfortable under her scrutiny but this wasn't like any other woman. If he wanted her to believe he was more than just a hunk of muscle he had to prove it to her. So he sat quietly as she looked him over and her eyes eventually came to rest on his face.

'Let me guess,' she sighed, sat back against the lounge and he swallowed quickly as the cleavage he'd only glimpsed was suddenly thrust forward because of how she sat. 'Mission gone wrong so you were drowning your sorrows, probably for too long. Anderson found you, told you to get over yourself and decide if you still wanted to be a marine then gave you this job when you said yes.'

She laughed as his mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air and he stared at her wide-eyed. _How the fuck could she know that?_ He managed to control his flapping lips and he watched as she folded her arms across her chest, shoving her breasts higher and making them more obvious. Did she have any idea of what she was doing? From the amused stare on her face he was guessing she did. _Was she toying with him?_

At any other time, with any other woman James would have already thrown out a few flirty lines, flexed his shoulders or chest and probably raised his arms to enhance the shape of his biceps. He was proud of his body, he'd worked hard, physically and emotionally, to get it the way he liked it and he wouldn't waste an opportunity to take advantage of it. He never expected to be stunned into silence and thrown so far out of his depth by any woman. But she wasn't just any woman, the idea of her toying with him astounded him and he wasn't sure how to deal with it.

'I'd say it was very recent and he probably saved you from a beating that might have killed you.' She motioned to the butterfly clip and waved her hands as if to indicate the bruises that were very obvious now.

'How …?' He was floundering and words didn't want to come.

'Oh I know,' she chuckled and shook her head, pulling her jacket across her chest with a smirk as he met her eyes. 'It's exactly what he did to me after Elysium.' There was still sadness there and James wondered if that's how he'd feel a few years from now, if the pain of his failure would fade to a bearable regret. 'In my case though he sent me off to N school. Probably the best thing for me at the time.'

James wanted to ask how she dealt with the grief and the guilt, how she lived knowing how many lives she hadn't saved. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. She seemed to handle it just fine, it was as if she didn't care, as if it didn't bother her. Was that the case? Was he seeing the true Shepard, the cold, calculating N7 everyone seemed to think she was. Did she put on an emotional display for everyone else's benefit? He stayed silent.

'Don't worry, LT,' she sighed and stood up, 'I'll try not to bother you too much. I'm going to get some sleep while I can.' She looked at him for a few seconds before walking away into the bedroom.

James sat forward and buried his face in his hands, letting out a soft groan. This was a great start to the task ahead. By now she was probably thinking he was a dumb marine, just a typical hunk of muscle, unable to have a decent conversation. What was wrong with him? Maybe he wasn't ready for this, he wondered again if he should tell Anderson he should find someone else.

The door whooshed open and James jumped to his feet, instinctively reaching for the pistol that should have been on his hip. Realising he was unarmed he braced his feet and brought his arms up, brute force it would have to be.

'James?' Anderson stood in the doorway, a puzzled frown on his face.

'Sorry, sir,' James said sheepishly and relaxed, wondering if he'd ever get his head on straight and stop feeling like a fool.

'You were expecting someone else?' Anderson walked into the room shaking his head before looking around. 'Where's Shepard?'

'Resting, sir,' James nodded his head towards the bedroom.

'Good, she needs it.' He placed a bundle on the table, 'I thought she might appreciate some BDUs.' Anderson turned towards him and held out a pistol, 'I knew you were unarmed and this is better than nothing.'

'Thank you, sir,' James strapped the pistol to his hip, the weight familiar and reassuring.

'You can relax Vega, it's just us. How is she?' Anderson glanced at the closed door before bringing his gaze back to James.

'I really wouldn't know,' James shrugged, 'I have nothing to judge what's normal on.'

'I guess you don't,' Anderson sighed and sat down on the lounge indicating that James should sit too. 'All I can tell you is that she doesn't show when she's hurting, she puts on a brave front to be the Commander everyone expects her to be. It takes a lot for her to let her guard down, especially around someone new. Don't take it personally if shuts you out.'

'Can I ask you something,' James frowned and waited for Anderson's nod. 'How long have you known the Commander?'

'Since Mindoir,' he sat back and James watched emotions cross his face. 'I found her huddled inside a small shed on her family's farm. She'd taken out four batarians and shot one of my marines.' He chuckled, 'she threatened to take my head off if I put it through the door. Took me an hour to convince her we were there to help.' He sat forward, 'her family was killed. She came straight out and asked me if I could take her away, find her somewhere else to live because she didn't want to walk through her parent's blood every day of her life. Steven … Admiral Hackett organised for her to live with his sister. When she was old enough she joined the Alliance and you know the rest.'

James listened quietly and wondered if he would have been strong enough to handle a situation like that at sixteen. His life hadn't been easy, especially when his father became dependent on red sand after his mother died, but to live through seeing your whole family killed, that would definitely be nightmare material. How did a person live with that? It brought his thoughts back to something that had been bothering him.

'Why me?' He looked across at Anderson. 'Why did you want me for this job?'

'Because Shepard needs someone strong enough to stand by her side, someone who will do the right thing no matter the outcome.' James flinched and dropped his head and Anderson sighed. 'You remind me of her.'

'What!?' James' head shot up in surprise. Being compared to Commander Shepard was the last thing he ever expected.

'You think like her, you get the job done no matter what, you care about your men, you feel it every time something goes wrong and you hide it away, keep it inside so no-one can use it to hurt you.' Anderson stood up to leave, 'I trust you to take care of her James, she's going to need you.'

James wasn't sure how to respond but he knew he couldn't let Anderson down, 'I'll do my best, sir.' He snapped to attention and saluted.

'I have no doubt,' Anderson returned the salute then chuckled. 'I think you should use this time to read her files.'

'Yes, sir,' the corner of James' mouth lifted as he fought off the grin that threatened.

Anderson was still chuckling as the door closed behind him. James shook his head and allowed a laugh to escape as he made himself comfortable on the lounge and opened up his omnitool. He looked down the list of files and stopped at one called The Lazarus Files. It seemed like as good a place as any to start.

* * *

James knew he needed to eat something. His stomach was still turning itself inside out, wanting nothing more than to empty its contents, again. He didn't think of himself as someone who was easily affected by graphic images but the Lazarus Files destroyed that idea. A lump stuck in his throat as he thought about the videos and pictures that had been Shepard, if that hunk of burned meat and bone could be considered anything close to human. She had died. Until now he hadn't truly believed it. But the proof was right there, step by painful step her resurrection was recorded.

It was a medical miracle of gigantic proportions. But how did anyone live with knowing they'd died. What was it like to come back after so long? Was there anything after … was there an afterlife? He'd always liked to think so, hoped that his mother had gone to a better place, a better life. He wasn't religious in any way but the idea that she was just gone felt wrong, she deserved more. He wondered if he would ever be able to ask Shepard. Would she, could she talk about it? Would her insight help him deal with the deaths of those he'd condemned?

His thoughts in turmoil he'd moved on to other files, deciding to read the reports from the SR-1 to give him some idea of what Shepard was like before her death. He'd gone backwards from there, reading about Elysium and how it affected her. Anderson had attached a notation to her file and James found it interesting and a little comforting to find that he had dragged her out of a bar and forced her to look at her life. So they did have something in common. He found it difficult to associate the formidable N7 hero with the lost, grief and guilt filled lieutenant Shepard had been. It gave him hope that maybe he could get past it too.

His stomach growled and he realised he'd been reading for a few hours. He closed down his omnitool, scrubbed his face to wipe away the tiredness before getting to his feet. He glanced at the bedroom door, should he make sure she was okay. Deciding against it he moved to the kitchen and set the coffee machine to work. He smiled as he checked their supplies and gathered the ingredients he needed. He was engrossed in his cooking and jumped when a voice sounded behind him.

'Something smells good,' Shepard leaned over his shoulder and once again her warmth surprised him.

Some bodyguard he was turning out to be, so far he'd been surprised several times and was unusually jumpy.

'It's just eggs,' James shrugged and watched as she pulled out two coffee cups. He added extra to the pan.

'I'm guessing milk, no sugar,' she glanced at him and he nodded, amazed at her skill for reading people, either that or she was just lucky.

James dished up two servings and followed her to the table. There was an awkward silence as they sat down and James toyed with his food feeling like a complete idiot because he didn't know what to say, how to start a conversation with her.

'These are really good,' she mumbled around a mouthful of food and James couldn't stop the grin that broke out. The image of Commander Shepard stuffing her face with his eggs was not something he would forget in a hurry.

'Commander, I'm sorry,' James dropped his fork onto his plate and she looked at him in confusion. 'About earlier, not talking when you asked me questions.'

'It's okay,' she shrugged and went back to her food.

'No, it's not,' he shook his head and she narrowed her eyes at him. 'My mother raised me to be a gentleman and that was just rude. It's just … I … Damn!' He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

'I get it,' she sipped her coffee and smirked at him. 'I get it all the time, people don't know how to talk to me. Some kind of hero worship.' She sighed and he could sense her disappointment. 'I'm just a soldier, like you. I'm no-one special.'

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but you're more than just a soldier.' He stared at her in disbelief. 'The things you've done, the places you've been, the people you've saved.' He shook his head again, 'Yeah, you're a hero and you deserve respect … ma'am.'

'I'm only doing my job,' it was her turn to shake her head, 'unfortunately my job just happens to put me in the right place at the right time,' she grimaced, 'or the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure you'd do the same.' She pointed at his plate, 'you might want to eat those while they're still warm.'

'Aye, aye, ma'am.' He grinned when she rolled her eyes at him.

'Enough with the ma'am! I'm not technically in the Alliance right now and you're making me feel old! Shepard is fine, although seeing as how we're going to be spending a lot of time together you could call me Andora, or Andy for short.'

'Yes ma'am,' James replied instinctively then chuckled when she groaned at him. 'Sorry, old habits.' He shrugged and she grimaced at him. 'Guess that means you'll be calling me James then.'

'That is your name, isn't it?'

'Yes ma … Comman …. Shepard.' James stuttered over his options, definitely not comfortable with the informality, but that didn't mean he couldn't get used to it.

'Okay, what do you want to know?' She chuckled when he looked at her in confusion. 'I'm sure Anderson gave you my files, all of them, so I'm also sure you have questions. I'll tell you what I can because you need to know, you need to be ready for threats and enemies. You can't do that if you're kept in the dark.'

James almost gaped but managed to control it at the last minute. His world had once again become a surreal place where he was sharing conversation and information with Commander Shepard. There was still a detachment in her manner but that image of the cold, heartless monster was being pushed further and further away. He picked up his fork and wondered which questions he should start with, he certainly had a lot of them.

As he swallowed his food he realised that he was going to have plenty of time to ask them because he was pretty sure that Shepard's trial wasn't going to be over quickly. The brass wanted her out of the way and kept quiet. He had a sudden fear that they would incarcerate her somewhere and she would disappear, she wouldn't be there when they needed her, when the Reapers came. And he was sure they would. If there was one thing he'd discovered, Shepard wasn't lying about that and he'd be standing right beside Hackett and Anderson when it came to protecting her.


	5. Chapter 5

**** 5 ****

They had been talking for a couple of hours, he'd learned a lot in that time about how she looked at missions, what she expected from her team. He picked up enough to know that working on the SR-2 hadn't been easy for her while it was under a Cerberus banner but she'd done it because it was the only way to protect those in danger. She'd done what needed to be done.

James had avoided asking those questions he really wanted to ask, he would have time for those later. Right now, he was happy to listen to Shepard as she told him stories about their chase for Saren and then the collectors. It was giving him insight into the officer who had always seemed larger than life. It made him realise that she was just doing her job with whatever resources she had available at the time. She didn't hesitate, she didn't second-guess herself and it was something he needed to learn. At least that's how it appeared on the surface.

She was happy to tell him about the things she'd done, the places she'd been and the people she'd worked with but he sensed that she was holding things back. There were things she didn't want to talk about, painful things. She faltered ever so slightly over Eden Prime, Virmire and then again on the collector base but he'd noticed it and he knew she'd lost people on those missions. He got the impression that she was able to push back the guilt and grief, he wondered if she ever allowed herself to release it. Did she feel it, had she actually dealt with it or did she just ignore it. If it were the latter at some point it would overwhelm her, possibly break her. _Hey pot, meet kettle._ He pushed down the self-recrimination.

He felt like he was getting to know her by listening, seeing the changing emotions on her face as she talked about her crew and what they'd done. The pride and joy that was so obvious at times enhanced her beauty and he found himself drawn to her warmth. He couldn't believe how natural It felt and he was loathe to break the relaxed mood but there were things he needed to know to do the job Anderson had given him. If there was one thing James was proud of it was his commitment to the task, he always did his best. Hopefully this time his best would be good enough.

'So, Com … Shepard, whose shit list are you at the top of?' James couldn't hide the grin as she raised her eyebrows at him. If she wanted to be casual he had no problem with that. 'So I know who to watch out for, just doing my job here.'

'Uh huh,' she chuckled and sat back in the chair. 'Let's see, I've pissed off a lot of people who would like to get their own back.'

'No doubt.' He shrugged innocently at her glare.

'I'm probably on the top of the batarian's hit list,' she seemed thoughtful for a moment then grinned, 'although they'd have to stand in line with Cerberus. The Illusive asshole didn't like me not hanging around, running off with his best ship and taking some of his best operatives with me. I know they have a collection order out on me, he seems to think I belong to him. I suppose spending four billion credits on me would make him a little possessive.'

James let out a soft whistle. He'd seen the files so he knew what they done but that was a lot of credits.

'Expensive stuff, bringing me back from the dead.' She said it so softly James almost missed it but she sucked in a breath and continued. 'There are probably a few mercs out there that want my head as a trophy, pissed off a few when I rescued Archangel on Omega and I've taken out my fair share of their bases and hideouts. Not to mention their supply lines and ships.'

'Is there anyone you haven't pissed off?' James chuckled and she scowled at him.

'There are probably even a few Alliance officers that would like to see me imprisoned for life,' she grimaced. 'Then of course there are the Reapers, last time I spoke to Harbinger he wasn't happy with me.'

'How does that even work?' He frowned and she shrugged. 'I thought they were just huge machines out to kill us all. Why would one of them want to speak to you?'

'Wanted to scare me I think, didn't work.' She sat forward and leant on the table, 'I'll admit that the Reapers terrify me. We're not ready, not by a long shot but I wasn't going to let Harby know that.'

'You even have a nickname for it,' James stared at her wide eyed.

'It's just another enemy that needs to be taken down,' she shrugged and spoke so calmly that James was a little startled. 'All we have to do is figure out how.'

She sounded so confident and made it seem so easy but James couldn't fight the feeling that it was fear that drove her. It reminded him of something his mother had always told him that fear could either cripple us or make us stronger. He'd always fought fear with courage and determination, even as a boy faced with violence he'd forced down the urge to run and fought with every ounce of his being. He'd received his share of broken bones fighting down that fear.

Was that what Shepard did? Yes, she'd been in situations that others might have found difficult, even impossible to deal with. She certainly had experience when it came to taking down a Reaper, but that didn't mean she wasn't scared of what was coming, she'd admitted to it only seconds earlier. She put on a strong, courageous front, fought down her fear, but this was something she couldn't do alone, as much as she tried to convince everyone otherwise. Was this what Anderson meant by shutting people out?

He couldn't help comparing his own methods with hers. He didn't like putting others at risk, he was willing to stand on the front line and risk himself, protect others first. He would go it alone if it meant someone else would survive. Did he shut people out so they didn't get hurt? Was he just like Shepard?

'So, shit list,' she dragged his thoughts back to the task at hand.

'We're going to be at Alliance HQ so it's not going to be easy for anyone to get at you that aren't Alliance. That means sympathisers, sleeper agents or moles.' James was thankful for something to concentrate on rather than having to work out the inner machinations of Commander Shepard or having to look at himself candidly.

'Oh, I don't know, Cerberus can be very brazen at times.' She raised an eyebrow at him. 'A frontal assault isn't beyond them.'

'Yeah, okay, so we have to watch for shuttles at the windows or a squad approaching that shouldn't be.' James started a mental list as he put his ideas forward, 'batarians are more likely to use bombs, poisons or less obvious ways to get you, comes back to sympathisers so any single person could be suspect, same with mercs. Anyone of these is just as likely to hire an assassin so snipers, knives or close quarter weapons possibly in a crowded place.'

James' eyes dropped to the table as he silently worked through the list, working out ideas to combat the various scenarios that played out in his mind. He was suddenly aware of eyes on him and he glanced up to see Shepard staring at him with what appeared to be respect.

'Something wrong, Commander?'

'No,' she groaned and rolled her eyes at him and he chuckled softly.

'Sorry … Shepard.'

'I'm impressed at your knowledge, seems like you've had some experience.' She tilted her head and met his eyes, 'you're taking this very seriously.'

'I've had my fair share of run ins with the lowlifes of the galaxy.' He frowned and continued. 'I take my job very seriously and Anderson trusts me to keep you safe. I plan on doing just that.'

James was surprised at himself. He was taking this seriously, he wanted to keep her safe. He wondered when it had gone from being ordered to keep her safe to wanting to. When had he gone from seeing her as the woman he wanted to hate to the woman he wanted to protect. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment but he realised it didn't matter.

'Any ideas on how we can prepare for any of this?' James sat back and looked at her.

'I'm your prisoner, James, you're asking me?'

The sound of his name on her lips sent a pleasant shiver down his spine so it took him a moment to realise she was staring at him. He cleared his throat before continuing.

'I'm not stupid Shepard. You've got experience and knowledge I can't hope to match so yeah, I'm going to use that.' He paused then added with a grin, 'if it's necessary I'll even hand you a gun, as long as you promise to hand it back.'

She laughed at that and James was amazed at how beautiful it sounded. 'I think you and I are going to get along fine.'

'I hope so,' he chuckled, 'we're going to be spending a lot of time together, close together.' His voice dropped an octave and Shepard grinned at him.

'Ah, so the real Vega is breaking out, I thought you'd been hiding him away,' she leaned forward which pushed her jacket open and his eyes immediately dropped to the cleavage exposed underneath. 'I'd hate for either of us to feel uncomfortable, so relax, be yourself,' she dropped her voice and spoke softly and James found himself floundering. She laughed again as she sat back and James sighed in relief. 'Thanks James.'

'For?' He frowned in confusion.

'Not treating me like I have no say in this, for trusting me and not treating me like dirt under your boot. For treating me like a normal person.' She stood up and gave him no chance to respond as she walked over and picked up the clothes Anderson had left.

'So, Shepard, are there any romantic entanglements then, any irate boyfriends I should know about who will come storming in here and want time alone with you. Who will get jealous because you're spending all your time with me?' He'd meant it to be light-hearted but her face clouded over and he instantly regretted causing that.

'No,' she shook her head before staring wistfully at the table. 'Tried that once, didn't work. He let me down rather painfully when I needed him the most.' She straightened and turned towards the bathroom. 'I'm going to shower and change.'

'Let me know if I can help you with that,' he grinned at her and she rolled her eyes at him.

Comfortable. That was how he felt as he watched the door close behind her. It was a strange idea and it puzzled him a little. He'd never expected it, never expected her. But it was something else he could definitely get used to.

* * *

An insistent beeping forced James' eyes open. He'd settled back on the lounge while Shepard took a shower and opened up more of her files. At some time his exhaustion had got the better of him. He sat up with a groan as stiff joints and muscles let him know he'd slept in an uncomfortable position. The beeping of his omnitool must have been what woke him.

'That's probably Anderson,' he looked up at Shepard who was pouring coffee. She was back in Alliance blue and it definitely suited her. 'You've been asleep for a while.'

James read the message as he got to his feet. 'We'll be at Earth in an hour,' he closed his tool down and stretched.

'Sorry, Shepard,' he rolled his neck, sighing as it cracked loudly, and took the coffee she offered. 'Some prison guard I am, you could have escaped or been hurt.'

'You have to sleep, James, now is probably a good time for it. I don't think I'm in danger on Hackett's ship and if I wanted to escape I would never have surrendered.'

He gave a sheepish grin, 'guess so. Thanks.' He indicated the coffee and she nodded.

'You might want to take advantage of the shower while you have the chance too.'

'Is that a polite way of telling me I stink.'

'No … I …,' she stuttered, a look of horror on her face.

'It's okay,' he laughed and shook his head. 'I know what you meant and you're right.' He grabbed his bag and headed for the bathroom, hearing her chuckle behind him.

'Let me know if I can help with that.'

He turned in surprise and the heat in his face told him he was blushing. He hurriedly closed the door and dropped his bag on the floor. He leant on the sink and shook his head. _What the fuck!_ He'd not intended to like this woman and yet here he was blushing like a teenager talking to a girl for the first time. He undressed without thinking about it and it wasn't until he was under the shower that his mind wandered to other places.

He was naked in the shower with a beautiful woman in the next room, a woman he'd often fantasised about before … well some time ago, a woman who filled out her uniform just perfectly. It seemed his body hadn't forgotten though and he groaned softly as parts of him responded to the idea of her being so close, of her offer to help him with his shower. _Not now idiot!_ He turned the hot water down and shivered as cold hit him. It made him concentrate on getting clean and getting out. He was thankful when he was dressed again and his thoughts returned to more serious things.

It was going to be a problem, he could see that. While his mind might be fighting the urge to get to know Shepard his body and soul were telling him that this was exactly what he wanted. He'd always hoped for this opportunity. It was going to be a battle that could possibly drive him insane, wanting to get closer while needing to keep her at arm's length. He stepped out of the bathroom to find Anderson talking to Shepard.

'James,' Anderson nodded as he moved beside Shepard. 'It's time so this is what's going to happen.'

James focussed on what Anderson was telling him, there would be plenty of time for other thoughts later. He was certainly going to have plenty of time for his mind to wander once they reached Earth where they would be locked away together. He ignored the image that popped into his head, clenched his jaw and listened intently to what Anderson was saying. Shepard's life depended on him being in control, that thought drove all others away and James became the soldier and protector that Anderson expected him to be.


	6. Chapter 6

**** 6 ****

Hackett stormed into their room on the Orizaba. James had never seen anyone so angry and he was a little concerned that his anger would be aimed at them. Anderson was just as surprised as James and stepped back in concern when Hackett marched towards him.

'Admiral?' Anderson frowned at the fuming man before him.

'We've been compromised.'

Anderson gaped at him and that worried James more than anything else did at that point. The two men had been so careful about who they brought in on their plans that to have someone they trusted give them away was a painful, personal blow. James knew that Hackett would take it extremely hard, he had hand-picked everyone who was involved with getting Shepard safely to Earth. To have that trust broken was unthinkable.

'How?' Anderson started pacing and James could see his mind working as he tried to figure it out.

'I don't know,' Hackett's fists were clenched at his sides and he was fighting to control his anger. 'But I damn well intend to find out.' His eyes burned a hole in the floor before he looked up at them. 'When I do there will be hell to pay. There are reporters waiting for Shepard to arrive, I received word minutes ago that they knew exactly when and where.'

God help anyone on the other end of Hackett's anger James thought as the Admiral clenched his jaw and brought up his omnitool. Hackett had already worked out a new plan and he quickly brought them up to speed. James was impressed with the professionalism the admiral showed under pressure and could understand why so many marines admired the man. But Hackett had a more personal stake in this and his need to protect someone he saw as family would make this betrayal even harder to deal with. James glanced at Shepard who had paled but she seemed more concerned for Hackett than for her safety.

James was nervous. This was the most important mission of his military career and it had already gone off the rails. He fought down the butterflies in his stomach and concentrated on the plan for their arrival at Earth. They were hurriedly on the move and Hackett gave the all clear as they boarded the shuttle that would put them on the ground and in harm's way.

Five shuttles left the Orizaba together, flew an intricate pattern before converging on one spot so they appeared as a single dot on any radar that might be looking for them. Then as one they sped out in different directions, each with a different destination on Earth. Theirs was the docking bay that would soon hold the Normandy but right now it was empty, locked down under Hackett's orders with restricted access to a limited few. James wondered if that would hold up now. His concerns became real as they approached.

'Sir,' the pilot called to Hackett, 'there are people on the dock.'

'What the fuck!' Hackett cursed, James looked up in surprise as Hackett went forward to look and he heard Shepard chuckle.

Anderson stood and released his pistol as the shuttle descended. He moved to stand in front of the door, putting himself between Shepard and any threat outside. Following his lead James loosened his pistol and stepped up beside the admiral who nodded in approval. A sudden warmth at his back told James that Shepard was right behind him. She was small enough that his bulk would hide her and he took some comfort in that. There was a soft thud as the shuttle landed and the door slid open.

A lieutenant stepped forward, his uniform neatly creased, buttons shining and boots polished, James guessed he hadn't been in the Alliance for long. His head was down as he read from a datapad. Behind him two marines stood with handcuffs and chains and James saw red. Beside him Anderson growled and the anger rolled off him in waves. Shepard might be going to trial but putting her in chains was absolutely unacceptable. She had surrendered and the Defence Council had agreed to Hackett's plan. What had changed?

A warm hand in the small of his back made James acutely aware of Shepard's presence, she hadn't expected this either. If someone else took control of her now she could be lost to them, hidden away god knows where. Her fear was valid, there were some Alliance officers who would be more than happy to interrogate her in a sealed room somewhere.

'Andora Shepard, you are to be taken into custody for crimes against humanity, working with a known terrorist organisation, for the destruction of the Bahak system and the murder of over three hundred thousand batarians. You are to be held in isolation until all charges have been judged and sentence carried out. Legal counsel will be provided if required and until counsel is provided anything you say can be used as evidence. Do you understand the terms of your arrest?'

The lieutenant finally looked up. His face paled and his eyes widened in shock as he realised who was standing before him. He gaped and stuttered and at any other time James would have found it funny. The marines behind him had already snapped to attention and were holding a salute. The lieutenant almost stumbled in his haste to step back.

'Who the hell are you?' Anderson's voice boomed around the empty dock.

'Lieutenant Wilson Davies, sir,' he stuttered and almost dropped the datapad his hands were shaking so badly. 'Alliance Intelligence, sir.'

'Does Alliance Intelligence have new protocols I haven't been informed about or are you always so ignorant around superior officers?' Anderson was in full command mode, James could feel his confidence and power like it was a physical entity swirling around them.

'No…sir,' Davies lifted his hand to salute and the datapad slipped out of his fingers.

He was caught between saving the datapad or saluting, unfortunately he tried to do both at the same time. The datapad was pushed from his hands and flew through the air impacting against Anderson's leg as it cluttered to the floor of the shuttle.

'Sorry, sir,' Davies went to retrieve it while still trying to salute.

'Stop!' Anderson bellowed and Davies flinched. 'One or the other Davies, which is it?'

'Sorry, sir,' he decided on the salute which was definitely not well practised.

James was finding it hard not to laugh and the marines were biting their lips as they stood unmoving behind Davies. He heard a soft snort behind him and he almost broke as he realised that Shepard was using him to hide her face so she didn't have to fight the laughter. Movement behind him and a hand on his shoulder gently urged him sideways. Both he and Anderson moved at the same time as Hackett stepped between them. Davies looked like he was about to throw up, either that or piss himself. The marines lost all humour and stiffened their stance and salute.

'Who the hell sent you down here?' Hackett's voice echoed around the dock even more than Andersons did.

'Ahh, Major Newman, sir,' the tremor in his voice was unmistakable and James guessed that he'd been sent so the major wouldn't have to face the Admirals.

'Lieutenant,' Hackett stepped off the shuttle and into Davies' face. 'You go and tell Major Newman that I will be paying him a visit. I will want to know how he found out about this as it was strictly need to know and he did not need to know. I will be conducting a full investigation into how this information was leaked so he had better decide how much he values his career. And how the hell did you get in here, the security code was known to only a few people, tell him I'll want to know that too.'

'Yes, sir,' Davies went to move away.

'I haven't finished yet,' Hackett towered over the quivering man. 'You can also tell him that if he tries to go around me, lay the blame somewhere else or squirm his way out of seeing me I will bust his ass back to private and he will spend the rest of his military career cleaning latrines. Is that clear?'

'Sir, yes, sir,' Davies gave a weak salute and waited for the Admiral to dismiss him.

'You two,' Hackett looked up at the marines still standing at attention, 'go with him and make sure my message is delivered. Dismissed.'

'Yes, sir,' the two spoke together and James could see the relief on their faces as they turned to leave.

'Well that was fun,' Anderson scoffed when they were out of hearing distance. 'I think we've got a headache coming though.'

'A damn migraine probably,' Hackett sighed before pulling himself erect and squaring his shoulders. 'Let's get Shepard to safety then we can worry about the fall out.'

James wasn't surprised to see an armoured vehicle waiting for them outside as well as two marines who were obviously Special Forces. From the personalised armour and highly modded weapons he knew these two were experienced. The way they snapped to attention as Hackett approached left no doubt that he was their commanding officer and they had nothing but respect for him.

Memories of Fehl Prime intruded into his thoughts. Delta team were Special Forces, they'd cut their teeth on krogan and collectors. It certainly hadn't been the first mission for James but it was the one that gave him the greatest joy and the deepest pain. He'd had a great team and he missed them, they'd looked up to him for orders when he'd had to take command and he'd failed them. He'd hoped to continue with his training, work up the spec ops ranks, maybe even to N7. Not much chance of that now.

'Sir,' one of the marines spoke as they approached.

'Lieutenant,' Hackett returned their salute, 'is everything in order?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Good. You will escort Admiral Anderson, Commander Shepard and Lieutenant Vega to their destination and make sure they are secure.' Hackett turned to Vega, 'Lieutenants Buckner and Reigler will be your back up, they will be around even though you might not see them.'

'Roger that, sir,' Vega nodded at the two marines who nodded back.

'You can depend on the Lieutenants to have your back and for those times when you need a break you can call on one of these men to relieve you.' He leant in and spoke a little softer, 'these are two of my best Vega, use them wisely.'

'Understood, sir.'

'Vega has this mission,' Hackett turned to the marines, 'you will follow his orders and offer advice if he asks for it is that understood.'

'Completely, sir.' They replied in unison.

Hackett turned and took Anderson's hand, shaking it firmly, 'Watch over our girl, David.'

'With my life if I have to,' Anderson nodded.

James glanced at Shepard who stood rigidly beside him. Her face was expressionless and he understood now that it was just a front, something she put up to protect herself. It was invisible armour to ward off emotion and pain. But he saw it flicker as Hackett took her hand in his.

'You're in good hands Shepard, let them take care of you.'

'Yes, sir,' she spoke confidently but James didn't miss the uncertainty that passed over her eyes.

Shepard moved to enter the vehicle and the two marines snapped off a salute. She faltered for a moment but quickly recovered. James moved up behind her and placed his hand in the small of her back to steady her. The moment he touched her he felt warmth flood through him and for a second he was unsteady. He quickly controlled it, pushing the feelings down to deal with later.

'You don't need to salute me,' Shepard reminded the marines, 'I'm not technically in the Alliance.'

'Yes, ma'am,' they responded together and James wondered if they ever did anything separately.

James chuckled as Shepard shook her head, 'not everyone is against you, you know.'

She scowled at him before climbing into the vehicle. As they moved away from the dock Shepard watched through the small window as Hackett receded into the distance. She kept her emotions hidden very well but James knew that her heart would be breaking as she left behind another member of her family. One day he hoped to be a member of that family, all he had to do was prove he was worthy.

Ten minutes later they were standing on the seventh floor of the diplomatic wing of Alliance HQ. James hadn't known their destination, he'd been expecting to go to the detention wing. He looked around in amazement at the space they would be occupying. The floor was divided into three separate sections, each with multiple rooms for diplomats, their staff and security detail. Each section had its own security station and Anderson nodded at the two marines manning the security station for the middle apartments. There was no-one at the security station for the other two sections so James guessed they were empty.

James and Shepard had to provide retinal scans, fingerprints and DNA samples before they were allowed entry. Once the guards were satisfied that they matched those already on file Anderson led them inside. James had never been in the diplomat wing and he was impressed with the set up. The door they passed through appeared at first glance to be wood but the way it swung told James it was much heavier, probably reinforced with bullet proof material. The lock could be sealed from the inside and he noticed the holes in the floor and ceiling and guessed there were solid locking bars ready to fall into place. It was odd to see an old style door but James put it down to aesthetics.

Once inside there was a very large atrium, considering there were two floors above them James assumed there was no way anyone could come in via the roof. The central garden was surrounded by lounges and small tables, there were a couple of screens that reached from floor to ceiling, currently showing a rolling video of various places on Earth. Almost like tourist information.

The more they saw the more James was beginning to like this mission. From the astonishment on Shepard's face she was equally impressed. There was a kitchen, fully stocked, a formal dining area, a games room, a gym, a couple of meeting rooms and a security room. James noticed the cameras and realised that every part of these apartments was under surveillance. Eventually they ended up at Shepard's room, a spacious two room apartment with a full bathroom including a spa.

'Anderson,' Shepard sounded confused and James could understand why. 'This is …'

'The safest place for you right now,' Anderson said with a soft smile. 'Look, we don't know how long you'll be staying here but you need to be secluded. Especially now that we know someone is passing along information.' He scrubbed his face with his hands and James could see the emotion and exhaustion he'd hidden until now. 'The Defence Council hasn't set a date for your hearing so until then you'll be staying out of the way.' He chuckled at the scowl on her face, 'enjoy it while it lasts, Shepard, you've earned a rest.'

The sound of the entry door opening had them spinning. James and Anderson had their hands on their pistols as they pushed Shepard behind them. Anderson sighed in relief as four marines stopped and snapped off a salute.

'Reporting for duty as ordered, sir,' Buckner stood at attention.

'At ease,' Anderson walked towards them. 'James, you've already met Buckner and Reigler, Sargent's Stokes and Zahedi are part of your detail as well. Stokes is our tech expert, Zahedi is a biotic and he's also a damn good cook. This is your team now.'

James looked at the four men before him and wondered if he was ready for this, to lead a team again. But it didn't matter, he had no choice and he wasn't about to let his self-doubt show as he stood before them. He'd save that for later when he was alone. The important thing right now was to keep Shepard safe and having a team behind him would make that job easier.

'I'm heading over to HQ to see if I can speed up this farce and get you back out there where you belong,' Anderson pulled Shepard into a hug before shaking James' hand. 'Take care of her James.'

'Yes sir,' he snapped off a salute along with everyone else as Anderson left the room. 'All right,' James turned to his new team. 'Stokes, check out the surveillance room, I want a report on what we can and cannot see. Zahedi, you've got the kitchen, see if there's anything we need. Buckner and Reigler, perimeter check, find the holes.' James acknowledged their nods and turned to find Shepard grinning at him. 'What?'

'Nothing,' she shook her head as she followed him into her rooms. 'It was just nicely done.'

James scowled at her as he set about checking out her rooms but he couldn't deny her praise pleased him. He wasn't about to take any chances and as he felt Shepard beside him every step of the way he wasn't about to waste a perfect opportunity either. His future may depend on how this mission ends so he planned to make the most of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, she doesn't have these accommodations in game but I have a plan - not saying if it's an evil one. I always wondered why/how one man could be responsible for Shepard's security, he needed to sleep at some time and he was entitled to time off. Yeah, I know, she was in the detention centre but one man 24/7 for six months - not really feasible so I'm playing with it. Hope you enjoy it anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some chapters are just a joy to write ;p I regret nothing.

**** 7 ****

Cold water wasn't helping. James braced his arms on the bathroom sink and dropped his head into his hands. He was frustrated with himself for letting his emotions get the better of him and splashing cold water on his face hadn't helped in the slightest.

'James,' a soft knock at the door made him raise his head and stare at himself in the mirror. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, be out in a minute,' he hoped he sounded convincing.

Straightening up he glared at his reflection, his skin was pale and his eyes red. He looked like he'd been on a drinking binge.

'Pendejo! They're going to think you're useless.'

He'd rushed from the table where they'd been discussing what they'd found, making some excuse about needing to use the bathroom. He'd almost run into the bathroom attached to his room. In reality he'd been overwhelmed by memory. Listening to Stokes talk about the tech, Reigler about sniper positions and underground bunkers and then Zahedi making a joke about his biotics had brought back memories of similar discussions with his team on Fehl Prime.

He could hear Nicky and Essex as they argued about which was better, tech or biotics. He remembered Milque giving him lessons on how snipers worked. That damned underground bunker that the Alliance had ordered locked down. It had all rushed back and he'd felt physically ill. He knew he was suffering some form of PTSD but he'd believed he could deal with it. Now he wasn't so sure and it was a hell of a time to find out.

But he had to do this. He had to pull himself together and get through it. Shepard was counting on him and so was Anderson. He wasn't going to let either of them down. He sucked in a breath, rolled his neck and pulled his shoulders up. He could do this. He turned and opened the door.

Shepard was standing on the other side and she looked up at him in concern. He almost faltered at the thought that she cared, or maybe she was just worried that Anderson had left her with someone she couldn't rely on. It was a sobering thought either way.

'Are you okay?' She spoke softly, the concern in her voice genuine and he cursed himself for ever thinking it was anything else.

'Yeah, guess the food from Omega finally caught up with me,' he shrugged and the corner of her mouth lifted slightly. She didn't believe him. 'I'll be fine, Shepard. Thanks for coming to check on me.'

'No problem,' she stepped back and as they approached the bedroom door she placed her hand on his arm and met his eyes. 'If you need to talk, I'm here.'

The warmth in her touch was pleasant, nice, it caused a response he wasn't expecting. James couldn't hide his surprise and she gave him a soft smile, 'Thanks, Shepard, I'll keep that in mind.'

She nodded as they stepped back into the community area where the rest of the team were discussing the pros and cons of biotics and tech. James focussed on the woman at his side as he rejoined the others, her warmth and concern giving him the strength he needed. She hadn't criticised him or condemned him for his hurried departure and he guessed that she understood because of her own experiences.

'Sorry guys, Omega catching up with me I guess.' He realised as he spoke that it had only been days since Anderson found him. It felt like a lifetime.

'Don't you know never to eat the food there,' Reigler laughed at him, 'it just sits in your gut and waits for that moment when you least expect it.'

'Yeah,' James scowled, 'I'm discovering that.' But he wasn't referring to Omega. 'Okay, so, we've got eyes everywhere except for three blind spots. We've got a shuttle pad on the roof and an underground bunker with a tunnel to HQ. Question is, how do we get to either if we're locked in here?'

'Ah,' Reigler was grinning as he stood up and moved towards a wall that seemed to be nothing extraordinary. 'We go through here,' he gave a rapid flourish and touched a spot on the wall.

It surprised everyone when a panel in the wall slid sideways, revealing a small elevator. James was impressed. While this might be a diplomatic suite it was certainly well set up and defendable.

'How the hell did you find that and is it on the blueprints?' James frowned and was relieved to see Reigler shake his head. 'Good to know, you need to show us all how to access it.' James glanced at the garden in the middle of the room. 'What about the garden, is there roof access and if so what are the chances of anyone getting in that way?'

Buckner stood up and before anyone realised drew his pistol and shot the glass. 'Nope, bulletproof, as are the windows.'

'Seriously,' James had flinched as the gunshot echoed around the room, his own hand dropping to his pistol. 'Some warning would be nice next time.'

Buckner just shrugged and grinned. 'Also,' he walked over and looked up through the glass, 'there are motion sensors and gas canisters lining the whole thing. If anyone gets in there they won't be getting out.'

James was beginning to understand why Anderson had put them here. They could hold off a small army with the defences around them. It did make him wonder just what kind of diplomats they had staying here.

'That's not all,' Buckner was still grinning as he sat down. 'That closet by the door,' he motioned with his head and all eyes looked at the innocuous double doors. 'It's an armoury, fully stocked.'

Shepard let out a low whistle and all eyes fell on her. 'What, I'm impressed, by the place and by you discovering it all.'

'Okay,' James moved them past a moment of silence as they relished in her praise. 'What can we do about the blind spots?'

'Not sure,' Stokes was frowning, 'I might be able to rig a couple of cameras inside.'

'See what you can do,' James nodded and was about to continue when Shepard stretched and yawned.

'Sorry,' she grinned sheepishly. 'I don't want to sound commanding or anything, but I think James and I need to go to bed.' She gasped as she realised what she'd said. 'Not together!' She got to her feet hurriedly. 'We've been on our feet for a few days so we need to rest.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Reigler chuckled.

'Can it marine,' James scowled at him and Reigler straightened his shoulders.

James couldn't blame him though and the grins on the faces of everyone else only made it worse. He couldn't help it, he chuckled. It was a simple thing but it started an avalanche of snorts and laughs as they tried to control themselves. Even Shepard was finding it hard to keep her laugh hidden behind her hand. Eventually she gave up and for a moment the tension was gone as they enjoyed a laugh at her expense. It was what they needed and James wondered if she hadn't slipped, if she had done it deliberately. As he met her eyes and saw a glint of mischief he realised that this woman was something very special. She knew what they needed and gave it to them.

'Right, now that I've pulled my foot out of my mouth, I'm off to bed for a few hours.' She nodded at them all then turned and left the room.

'Damn, she's something,' Buckner was still grinning and James felt a tightening in his guts as he looked at Buckner who was watching Shepard walk away.

'Yeah,' James was suddenly defensive, 'she's someone who deserves your respect.'

'Oh, don't worry, I respect her,' Buckner chuckled. 'I'm just saying that she's something.'

James felt his anger rising and realised he needed to control himself. The thought of this man ogling Shepard and thinking what were probably unclean thoughts about Shepard touched a nerve. He was a hypocrite he realised, it was exactly what he'd done for years. He suddenly felt guilty and a little dirty.

Leaving them with orders to see what they could do about the blind spots and prepare exit strategies just in case James headed to his room. He was tired. His mind was getting bogged down with emotion and disturbing thoughts about Shepard. Maybe sleep would clear it.

* * *

Something was bugging him. He could hear a soft rumble and there was a vibration through the floor. He got up from his desk, leaving his incomplete report and left his room. The lights were out except for soft lighting around the garden, it was enough that he didn't have to stumble around in the dark. The sound was softer out here so it had to be somewhere on the other side of his room.

Only Shepard's room was in that direction. Not thinking about it he opened the door to Shepard's bedroom, here too the lights were out. He glanced at the bed, which was empty and noticed a light in the bathroom. That was when he heard the moan.

He discovered he'd forgotten his pistol as he rushed forward and opened the door. He was stunned into silence. The sound and vibration was the spa bath. Shepard's eyes were closed as she lay in the tub, bubbles surrounded her, just covering the top of her breasts. Her skin was shining where it was wet, her hair clung to her neck and her moist, luscious lips were parted in pleasure.

James knew he should leave, back out as if he was never here before she realised he was. But he was mesmerised by the absolute beauty of the woman before him. His trousers tightened and as she moaned again his throat tightened and he found it hard to swallow. He knew what she was doing and he almost groaned aloud as his erection became painful. He needed to leave but his feet wouldn't move. He closed his eyes, willing his body to move. He opened them to find Shepard looking at him, her eyes dark with lust and he couldn't breathe.

'James,' she whispered, her voice soft and sultry and James did groan. 'James,' she lifted her hand from the water and held it out, inviting him closer.

For the first time in his life he was at a complete loss about what to do. If this had been any other woman he wouldn't have hesitated. His eyes were glued to her lips as she smiled at him and any doubt was gone as he slowly walked forward. Her wet hand slid up his chest as he knelt beside the tub, he realised he hadn't put his shirt on before leaving his room. He shivered at the feel of her smooth wet hand running over his abs, across his nipples and towards his neck.

She sat up and the bubbles fell away, revealing firm, pert breasts that he desperately wanted to touch. Her hand slid around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss, her soft, pink lips meeting his in a rush of euphoric bliss. He gripped her head in his hands, taking control of the kiss, the throbbing of his heart matched by the throbbing in his erect member. As her lips parted and his tongue found hers he groaned in absolute pleasure.

Her hands found their way to his belt, skilfully unfastening his trousers and sliding them down over his hips. As she brushed across his erection he heard her moan at his intake of breath. She rolled down his boxers and he almost came at the feel of her fingers surrounding him.

'James,' she whispered again as he kissed his way down her neck, eagerly anticipating the feel of her nipple in his mouth. 'James.' The sound of his name on her lips aroused him even more, it was his fantasy come to life.

His fingers softly ran over her back, slowly coming around to cup her breast and he felt her shiver as his thumb ran across her pebbled nipple. He cupped her breast as his lips closed on their target, as he felt the smoothness of her skin beneath his tongue. She leaned back, giving him better access as her breast rose to meet his mouth. He moaned as she ran her thumb around his tip and his lips closed around the nipple that fit perfectly into his mouth.

He was in heaven with an angel in his arms and he never wanted to leave. Her moans urged him on and wanted so badly to be inside her, to feel her around him. It was an aching need and he was eager to sate it. He stood up and stepped out of his trousers and boxers then slowly stepped into the tub. Shepard's eyes on him only drove his need and as she ran her wet hands up his thighs and cupped his backside he groaned and dropped his head back. Her tongue was warm as it ran up his member and as her lips closed around him he braced himself on the wall so his trembling legs would hold him up.

'Lola,' he moaned as she drove him to the edge.

Pulling back he dropped into the water, dragging her into his arms and holding her flush against his chest. Their lips clashed and tongues fought for dominance as she spread her legs around him, giving him access to the most private part of her. He accepted the invitation and as his tip found her entrance he stopped and looked into her beautiful eyes, he wanted to watch as he took her and claimed her as his.

'James,' she moaned

He brushed the hair off her face and kissed her tenderly, wanting to be inside her but not wanting to rush it. He wanted to see and feel every second of their joining. He pulled back and met her eyes and saw want looking back at him.

* * *

'James,' her voice was louder now and her hand was on his shoulder, shaking him. 'James!'

His eyes shot open and disorientation overwhelmed him. Shepard was looking down at him, her beautiful brown eyes sparkling with amusement.

'Hey, Lola,' he was still in that space between sleep and waking and his mind hadn't quite caught up.

'That must have been some dream,' she smiled at him.

James was instantly alert. He sat up, thankful that he'd at least covered himself with a blanket that hid his still throbbing member. Her hand on his bare shoulder was warm and the memory of the dream only enhanced the feel of her skin against his. It wasn't helping his predicament. He couldn't stand up or everything would become blatantly obvious.

'What's wrong,' he forced his mind to focus.

'Nothing,' she removed her hand and perched on the edge of the bed. 'Anderson is on his way over, I thought you might want to be awake when he gets here.'

'Okay, thanks,' he scrubbed his face with his hands and realised she still hadn't moved away.

'Care to share,' she grinned at him, 'give me something to dream about.'

'Ah … I don't …' He couldn't tell if she was serious or not and he gaped at her.

'Don't panic, James,' she patted his shoulder and stood up. 'You might want to put on a shirt, a girl can only control herself for so long.' With a mischievous laugh she moved to leave the room but looked back at him over her shoulder. 'You'll have to tell me who Lola is, someone special if you're dreaming about her.' Then she was gone.

James groaned and dropped back onto the bed. _What the fuck!_ Of all the times for his dreams to play out that fantasy. He rolled to the edge of the bed and planted his feet firmly on the floor, adjusting his boxers as they rubbed against him. The bathroom floor was cold and it helped awaken the rest of him as he ran the shower. He shivered as he stepped in but his erection refused to abate. He looked down at himself and cursed, he refused to give in to his need, he would just have to wait for his body to settle. But the cold water definitely wasn't helping.


	8. Chapter 8

 

**** 8 ****

Anderson had already arrived by the time James showered and dressed and he was more than a little relieved. James really didn't think he could meet Shepard's eyes right then, not without his face flushing and probably getting tongue-tied. From the look on Anderson's face James assumed he wasn't here with good news. Everyone else made themselves scarce as the three of them sat at the table.

'Shepard, I have news but I'm not sure if you're going to like it.'

'Probably not, but I can't ignore it,' she shrugged and Anderson snorted a laugh.

'True enough,' he sighed and met her eyes. 'They've reinstated you, brought you back to life and into the Alliance fold.'

James would have thought that was good news, it meant they would have to listen to her, read her reports and support her. The way Shepard's face fell he guessed there was more to it. He'd never been one for following the politics of command or for understanding the need to bow to the demands of other races. Yeah, he knew about keeping the peace, working together and all that, but the Alliance was a human institution and he always believed they would put humanity first, especially when it came to one of their own. He'd always trusted the Alliance, gone where they told him to go and done what they told him to do. His view was limited and after Fehl Prime he discovered it wasn't so black and white, there was a lot of grey. He realised he was going to have to delve deeper into the political bullshit that surrounded them if he wanted to understand what was going on.

'Of course they have, on paper at least,' Shepard scoffed and James looked at her in concern. 'It's only so they can take it away again, legally. I have no real authority do I?' Her brow furrowed, 'they still don't believe me, do they?'

'No,' Anderson shook his head and James watched Shepard's face fall even further. 'It also means that under Alliance protocol for prisoners that you are not allowed contact with the outside and you'll have to disable or surrender your omnitool.'

'Fuck them!' Shepard stood up and started pacing. 'If they want to ignore the threat and play nice with the batarians, let them.' She stopped and looked at Anderson for a moment before taking up her pacing again. 'As long as you and Hackett believe me and are doing something about it the others can go to hell. My crew will be out there spreading the word, doing what they can, maybe together we can save a few lives, make sure someone survives.'

'Shepard, you can't just ignore the brass.' Anderson sat back and watched her pace. 'They'll want to question you, about Bahak, about your time with Cerberus.'

She stopped pacing, moved quickly to the table and leant on her fists, her arms trembled from anger and frustration as she glared at Anderson. 'And I'll answer their fucking questions truthfully!' She pushed off the table and returned to pacing. 'Who knows, someone, somewhere might just take notice.' She laughed but it was cold and hard, 'guess they'll have no choice when the Reapers land on their heads. Maybe I should just shut up and leave them to their fate.'

James was suddenly very aware of the defensive wall Shepard surrounded herself with and from Anderson's worried face he guessed it would be tough to break through. Shepard continued to pace, clenching and unclenching her fists and James was afraid she was going to punch something.

'We should never have brought you back here,' Anderson blew out a breath, sat forward, folded his hands together on the table and stared at it as if he could gain insight from the smooth surface. 'You need to be out there, convincing the Council, gathering the races together.'

'The Council doesn't believe me any more than the Alliance does,' Shepard scoffed.

'Maybe not as a whole but as individuals they have to be concerned. There are opportunities there and you should be taking advantage of them, not stuck in here.' His eyes flashed angrily as he looked up at Shepard.

'Oh, it's not a bad place to be stuck,' she stopped, cocked her hip and waved her arms around the room before folding her arms across her chest. 'It's certainly one of the nicest prisons I've ever stayed in.' She sighed and sat down, reaching out to take Anderson's hand. 'You and I both know I need to be here. If we can't get the Alliance to listen then Earth is already lost.'

'Just hope it's not too late when they do,' Anderson squeezed her hand before letting go and bringing up his omnitool. 'They've already scheduled medical exams and psych evals, starting tomorrow.' His eyes narrowed as she groaned, 'You have to do this Shepard. Please don't piss of the doctors before we even start.'

'Okay, just for you,' she rolled her eyes and he chuckled.

'James, you've got her schedule, make sure she's at every appointment early.' He watched as James read the information that appeared on his omnitool. 'You are not to leave her alone at any time, is that clear.'

'Ah, yes, sir,' James' eyes narrowed. 'You want me to listen in on her psych sessions and watch them perform medical exams?' He glanced at Shepard before continuing, 'isn't that an invasion of the Commander's privacy?'

'No, I want you to make sure she's not injected with anything, brainwashed or taken by surprise if a doctor has been bought. Do you understand?'

'Yes sir,' James nodded.

'It's all right, LT,' Shepard chuckled at him, 'I've suffered much worse than having someone watch me get naked or pour my heart out.'

James was intrigued. What kind of situations had she been in where any of that had been necessary? He still hadn't finished her files and he was guessing that something in her N7 dossier would enlighten him.

'The Normandy is arriving tomorrow,' Anderson informed them but his manner alerted James that something had happened.

'What went wrong?' Shepard obviously felt the same.

'There was an altercation on Illium,' Anderson waved her down as she went to stand. 'Cerberus sent mercs to try and take the Normandy back.' He chuckled and shook his head, 'guess they didn't want to be too obvious but they should have spent their money more wisely. They tried to take the ship as soon as she docked. The entire crew was on board and the Alliance team was waiting on the dock. The mercs never stood a chance.'

'So my crew and ship are okay?'

'Yes, everyone who left was warned to be on alert and guards will be provided for everyone coming back to Earth.'

'What's going to happen to Joker and Dr Chakwas?' Shepard relaxed a little but James could see the tension around her eyes.

'They both took an indefinite leave of absence from the Alliance so they're covered and we've made sure they can't be charged or arrested.' Anderson stood up as his omnitool beeped, 'don't worry Shepard, we're taking care of them.'

'Good,' she stepped around the table and Anderson pulled her into a hug, 'thanks, David.'

All trace of Commander Shepard was gone. James watched as her eyes closed and she sucked in a trembling breath. There she was again, that warm caring woman underneath the shell and she was afraid. Anderson held her for a moment before meeting her eyes. When she nodded he released her and pulled himself erect, covering his emotions just like the Commander. Once again two N7s stood before James and he wondered if pulling on that persona was something they taught at N school.

'James,' Anderson indicated that he should walk him out. 'How's the team working out?'

'Fine sir.'

'I've arranged for Joker to bring over some of Shepard's personal belongings when they dock. You are not to leave them alone, is that understood.'

'Is there something I should know about?' James glanced across at Shepard.

'No, but we need to do this right, not leave any room for accusations of favouritism or give the batarians anything to complain about.' Anderson placed his hand on James' shoulder. 'You're her guard James, not her LT or her friend. You need to remember that.'

'Yes sir, but I thought you put me here so I could be a friend, someone she could talk to.'

'I did, but don't make it obvious.' Anderson watched him as James thought about it.

'Understood, sir.'

With a nod Anderson was gone. James stood for a moment, staring absently at the closed door before feeling eyes on him. He turned to find Shepard watching him and she gave him a weak smile. For a moment she looked vulnerable before her face lost all emotion and she moved into the kitchen. James followed, his confused thoughts making him wonder if he should be the friend she needed or keep his distance. Could he do both and still do his job? Her hands trembled ever so slightly as she poured coffee and he realised that he needed to do both and deal with the consequences.

'Hey, Shepard,' he placed his hand gently on her shoulder, her warmth traveling through him and he shivered lightly. She glanced at his hand and he promptly removed it. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah,' she sighed and leaned against the counter. 'I guess I expected it but it still hurts.'

'So, does this mean I should go back to calling you Commander,' James' amused stare made her smirk.

'Do you want me to start calling you Jimmy Vega,' she grinned at his scowl. 'You know, that's a good name for male dancer in Afterlife. Maybe I can get Aria to give you a job.'

'Ah, no thanks, I'm saving this body for someone special,' he winked and she chuckled. 'I am interested in how you know Aria, I didn't think anyone could claim that.'

'That's a story for another time,' she sighed and picked up her coffee.

'How about I make us some dinner and you can tell me,' he watched as her face clouded over.

'Thanks, but I think I'm going to bed, need to be rested to face the doctors tomorrow. You'd better take this.' She handed him her omnitool and turned to leave.

'Hey, Shepard,' she paused and looked at him over her shoulder, 'I know Anderson said I shouldn't leave you alone but if you want privacy …'

'No, James, Anderson is right. You need to do your job and that means not leaving me alone. It's okay.'

'Pleasant dreams,' James nodded and she grinned at him.

'Hopefully they'll be as good as yours.'

His face coloured and she was chuckling as she walked away. His eyes betrayed him as they dropped to her backside, its gentle sway hypnotic in its movement. _Damn, no-one should look that sexy in BDUs._ Realising just how inappropriate it was he turned away, running his fingers through his hair as he set about gathering supplies to make a meal. What right did he have to condemn Buckner when he was just as bad? He needed to get control, behave like a marine and not a man in heat. But damn if she didn't look good and he couldn't help but admire.

His fingers ran over her omnitool and he looked down at it. She didn't deserve this. Everything she'd ever done had been to save others, despite what he thought, and now they were treating her like dirt under their boots. He clenched his fist around the tool and understood the trust she'd placed in him, he did not intend to break that. He dropped it into his pocket and concentrated on cooking, it was something to stop his thoughts from wandering because lately they seemed to continually wander in Shepard's direction.

James joined Stokes in the surveillance room, dinner in hand and with the intention of reading more of Shepard's files. Stokes was watching information roll across his screen and went to stand as James took a seat beside him.

'What is that stuff?' James waved him down and indicated the screen before chewing on a mouthful of food.

'This is everything that comes in and goes out of this place.' Stokes pointed to a line of text that appeared on the screen, 'Buckner just sent a message to someone and that,' he grinned at another line of text, 'Reigler just opened his personal account on Find the One.'

'The dating site,' James looked up wide-eyed, 'I wouldn't think someone like him would need that.'

'Maybe he doesn't,' Stokes chuckled, 'some people do it just for fun.'

'So, do you know the details of Buckner's message?' James asked as he finished his meal.

'I can find out if I need to,' Stokes shrugged. 'The minute we walked through the door the security picked up on our omnitools, they're now part of the system. While we're on this job we're watched and tracked.'

'Doesn't that make it easy for any threats to find us?' James' relaxed state changed to one of concern.

'No, it's a closed system, only you and I have access.' Stokes chuckled as James groaned, 'not good with tech, sir?'

'Not overly,' James shook his head. 'Not unless you call ripping out wires being good with tech.'

'I can show you how it all works, it's pretty simple really.'

Stokes proceeded to explain the system as James listened intently. While he had a good feeling about him and trusted Stokes he needed to know how it all worked.

'I think I'll just trust you to keep me informed,' James' head was spinning after thirty minutes of tech talk. 'Just let me know if you find anything suspicious.' James knew he would have to check on Stokes but for now he was willing to let him do his job.

'I've set up search parameters for the most obvious things so the system will warn us if certain words, phrases, images or signals appear.' James' omnitool beeped and he opened it up as Stokes continued, 'this is the list, some standard Alliance protocols, some not so common things but if there's anything you think should be added let me know.'

'This is good work, Stokes,' James was impressed at the information on his screen, Stokes was only twenty two but his manner spoke of experience well beyond his years. 'What do you actually do when you're not on special assignment?'

'I'm a cyber-spook,' he laughed as James gaped at him. 'Yes we do exist. I watch for the boogeymen who want to infiltrate Alliance or government systems. I also follow up leads on suspicious cyber activity outside the Alliance among other things.'

'Wow, so you could wipe me out of existence with the push of a button.' James grinned at him. 'How'd you end up here?'

'Pretty much and the Alliance found me. Let's just say that I was in a position where it was prison or the Alliance. The Alliance was the better choice.' Stokes shrugged and James decided that he liked this young sergeant. 'Can I ask you something, sir?'

'Sure, and lose the sir. No need to be formal unless the brass is around.'

'What's it like … going off world, serving on a ship or another planet?'

James thought for a moment, 'it's different. Earth will always be home and it's nice to have feet firmly on the ground but out there … working with aliens takes a bit of getting used to. Strangely they're like us, just different looking.' An image of Treeya invaded his thoughts but he pushed it aside. 'Space is big, really big,' James chuckled, 'makes you feel insignificant.'

'I wish I could do that,' Stokes sighed. 'Do you believe Shepard, about the Reapers?'

'Yep, I was at the Citadel when they took down Sovereign,' James shook his head, 'how these pendejo politicians can deny it is beyond me. That ship was huge and the amount of firepower … then the collectors'

'So we have to make sure she survives because we need her for what's coming.'

'Yes we do,' James met the younger man's eyes, 'with our life if necessary.'

'Understood, sir,' Stokes nodded and James could see the conviction in his eyes. Yes, James definitely liked him.


	9. Chapter 9

 

**** 9 ****

James was trying not to fidget. The muscles in his legs ached, his fingers cramped and his back was definitely making itself known. Parade rest had never felt so uncomfortable. He fought the urge to move as his eyes stayed focused on the ceiling, the floor, the wall, the desk in the corner, anywhere other than the examination table in the middle of the room.

'What's the matter, James, never seen a woman in her underwear before?' Shepard was laughing at him as the deep tissue scanner passed overhead.

'Oh, I've seen plenty of women in their underwear,' he almost slipped and looked at her.

'Then why are you so nervous?'

'Not nervous,' he shook his head and without thinking looked in her direction. His heart was pounding in his ears as he was drawn to the slow rise and fall of her breasts covered in black lace, the contour of her hips with black lace panties and long, slender legs. That underwear was definitely not regulation. 'Just respecting your privacy, ma'am.' He forced his eyes back to the ceiling as she groaned at him.

He had at least expected a curtain to allow Shepard a little dignity but the table was out in the open. She undressed without the slightest hint of discomfort, which hadn't helped James when she'd bent over to climb onto the table. A black lace G-string was definitely not what he expected and the sight of her bare ass almost made him moan aloud.

'So, how many women have you seen in their underwear?'

'What?' His eyes flicked back towards her. 'I … there's been …' he sighed and tried again, closing his eyes to regain some semblance of control. 'A few.'

'Impressive,' the female doctor commented and James' eyes flew open.

He was relieved to find that she was referring to the image on the screen and not his history with women. He quietly sucked in a breath and looked at the internal reflection of Shepard that had the doctor so enthralled.

'Cerberus certainly spared no expense,' the doctor was zooming in on parts of the image. 'I read Dr Chakwas' reports but this is amazing.'

'Four billion credits,' Shepard informed her and received a stunned stare in response. James still found it hard to comprehend the amount of credits spent on Shepard.

'This is certainly impressive work. Their technicians and surgeons must have been some of the best.' The doctor was slowly moving the image, working her way up Shepard's body.

James could see that implants replaced parts of her skeleton, cybernetics replaced organs and it made him even more aware that she really had been dead. The image of the burned mass popped into his head and bile rose in his throat. He choked it down and glanced at Shepard.

She was avoiding the screen. Her eyes stared at the ceiling and he could see a slight shake in her hand as it lay on the table beside her hip. His eyes narrowed as she swallowed hard and the rate of her breathing increased. Something was wrong. It had to do with her scans, with the implants that kept her alive. Why would she be upset over that? The fact that they were keeping her alive should be a good thing. The doctor had zoomed all the way out and it hit him then. There was so much of it. Shepard wasn't afraid of the tech, she was afraid of what it made her.

'Hey, Shepard,' he allowed himself to relax and his voice came out soft but husky, 'I'm pretty sure that underwear isn't regulation.' He allowed his gaze to linger, his traitorous body reacted the only way it knew how and he was thankful his trousers were a little loose, but he didn't look away.

'No, it's definitely not,' she clenched her fist, 'maybe I wore it just to upset you.' She flashed him a look that was part terror and part relief.

'Oh, it's not upsetting me,' he grinned as her eyes widened but he noticed her fingers relax. 'I quite like the view,' his grin widened as he continued, 'sexy, hot woman laid out before me, I'm only human Shepard, just like you. I might have to wander around in my underwear, see how this hot bod affects you.'

She choked back what sounded like a sob as she turned her face towards him, her eyes glistened but she was smiling, 'I might like that.'

He was lost for words. His mind dropped to the depths at the thought of her watching him wearing nothing but his underwear and where that could possibly lead. She chuckled and he shook his head with a laugh.

'I bet I know where your mind just went,' she was calm and relaxed now and he was pleased with himself.

'Maybe you've just given me more dream material,' he gave her a lopsided grin and she smirked. 'I am curious though, how do you stop the rough fabric of Alliance trousers from chafing your ass.' Her laughter echoed around the room and James couldn't help the self-satisfied smirk that plastered his face. Making her laugh was definitely something he would like to do more often.

'You can get dressed now, Shepard,' the doctor broke into their banter. 'I need to take samples, blood and urine, then you're free to go.'

'Thanks, doc,' Shepard rolled her eyes at James as she sat up and he averted his gaze. 'Really looking forward to that.'

It wasn't long before they were on their way to the psychiatric wing. James was on edge. They were out in the open, easy targets as they crossed the central garden between buildings. He could see Shepard glancing around, checking out sniper positions or watching the few people taking their breaks or crossing the area just like them. Stokes, on the other side of Shepard was also alert, his eyes constantly on the move. As they passed through the doors James let out a sigh of relief and heard Stokes do the same. Shepard simply chuckled and both men looked at her in surprise.

'Something funny, Shepard,' James put himself between her and the hallway as they waited for the elevator.

'No, just thankful you're both alert,' she looked from Stokes to James, 'makes a girl feel safe having two strong marines watching over her.'

'Yeah, right,' James scoffed, 'we both know you could have us out cold in seconds.'

'Aw, James, a big hunk like you, I think it might take me a bit longer.'

James couldn't stop the flush that rushed to his face as she looked at him from under lowered eyelids. Shepard just chuckled and he shook his head with a grin. She was definitely not what he expected and it might take him a while to get used to her manner but he was discovering that he liked it. She might be afraid of the tech she carried but he couldn't see her as anything other than human, and that was a little disconcerting. He was supposed to see her as his prisoner, a criminal who was guilty of killing thousands. Not much chance of that.

As they stepped into the psychiatrist's office her amused mood disappeared and she became Commander Shepard. James closed the door behind him and stood at parade rest. He knew Stokes was doing exactly the same on the outside and he was glad he'd brought the young marine, he did his job without question or doubt.

'I think you should wait outside, lieutenant,' the doctor frowned at James.

'Sorry, sir, can't do that.'

'This is a private session, what is said in this room is for my ears only.'

'I have my orders, sir. Shepard is not to be left alone with anyone.' James watched as the doctor went to speak again but quickly stepped forward and spoke softly in his ear, 'Shepard can kill with her little finger, do you really want to be alone with her if she decides she wants to escape?'

The doctor stared at him open mouthed before giving him a subtle nod and moving to his desk. Shepard dropped her head but James knew she was grinning. He focussed his view on the opposite wall and settled himself for what he believed was going to be an interesting hour or two.

An hour later he was redefining his thoughts on interesting. The doctor was frustrated, Shepard was frustrated, hell, he was frustrated just watching and listening. He knew Shepard was N7, that meant something and he was getting to witness it. The doctor was trying to get under her skin, see the woman beneath but Shepard was keeping him out. She was telling him exactly what he wanted to hear, playing the part of the tough Alliance soldier perfectly. The doctor knew it. As a trained N7 Shepard was able to withstand torture, resist coercion and handle interrogations. That was exactly what she was doing.

'Shepard, I'm not your enemy here,' the doctor threw his pen on the table. James was surprised that anyone still preferred to write, although he was writing on an electronic tablet.

'Aren't you?' Shepard glared at him. 'You hold my future, possibly my life in your hands, doc. One word from you and I could be locked in a room somewhere and sedated for the rest of my life.'

'So why are you resisting me?' The puzzled frown creased his forehead deeply and James guessed he was disappointed in himself rather than Shepard. He'd hoped to gain her trust.

'It doesn't matter what I say, really. Does it?' She stormed to her feet, the chair tipping backwards before righting itself. The doctor flinched but Shepard either didn't see it or ignored it. She was pacing now and James could see the tension in her shoulders.

'Shepard, please …' the doctor tried to take back control but failed as Shepard continued to pace, her voice soft but powerful as she stopped his words.

'If I say I worked for Cerberus willingly, I'm a traitor, if I say I was coerced I'm brainwashed and unfit for duty. How about if I say I worked with Cerberus because the Alliance and the Council refused to help me? That makes me resentful, untrustworthy of those in command.' She glanced at James as she turned on her heel and he could see determination in her eyes, she was in total control. He was in awe of that control.

'Now, Shepard …' the doctor hadn't completely given up.

'If I tell you that there are giant synthetics coming to kill us all I'm paranoid, if I say I imagined it all I'm delusional. Why not just say I'm a paranoid delusional who needs constant surveillance and medication. If I tell you that I spoke to one of those synthetics, that his voice was in my head then I'm insane and should be institutionalised.

'Then we get to the destruction of a solar system which of course I did willingly because they were batarians and I must hate batarians because of Mindoir.' She waved her hands in the air as if to emphasise the thought. 'If I say I don't care I'm a cold hearted, ruthless bitch who shouldn't be in command. If I say I regret every single death and it eats at me I'm guilt ridden and emotionally compromised. If I say the collectors were coming to harvest humans to make a hybrid synthetic by sucking up humans and turning them into soup I'm lying. If I destroyed those collectors to save humanity I have a hero complex and I'm full of my own self-worth. If I'm distraught by the loss of so many human lives before I destroyed them then we're back to the guilt complex.'

She stopped pacing and leant on the desk, the doctor leaned back as if he could get away from her tirade. James was absolutely floored by her estimation of the situation and yet she was right. It didn't matter what she said they were out to destroy her.

'Then of course there is the whole coming back from the dead thing. That's just not possible is it so I have to be lying. Which means I turned traitor and spent two years working for Cerberus without anyone knowing? The destruction of the SR-1 was deliberate, the loss of my crew heartless so what does that make me.' For the first time there was a hint of emotion on her face but it was quickly gone. 'If I don't talk with you I'm refusing to co-operate but if I do I'm easily influenced and probably emotionally unstable.' She dropped into the chair and glared at the doctor, 'so, tell me doc, which option should I choose?'

James had to give the doctor credit because he didn't answer immediately. He was thoughtful for a moment before leaning forward and talking softly, his manner now that of someone who genuinely cared.

'Shepard, I've followed your career and you with interest.' He sighed and a grin flicked across his face but quickly disappeared. 'I have to admit that it was purely professional, I was interested to see how you dealt with everything you've had to face and I know you've faced a lot for someone still young.' Shepard snorted a laugh and the doctor allowed his grin to re-appear, he couldn't have been too much older than her. 'I've never met anyone who has come back from the dead after so long and I was curious, it had to affect you both emotionally and physically. I admit, I wanted to get inside your head, see how your mind worked. You're a very unique person Shepard and that makes you interesting and special.'

He sighed and sat back in his chair, 'You're right, it doesn't matter what I write, right now the powers that be just want you out of the way. But,' he paused and sat forward again, his eyes locked on Shepard's, 'if you tell me there are giant monsters coming to kill us all I believe you. One thing I have learned from watching you all these years is that you don't lie and that you do care, about your crew, about everyone. I'll say it again, Shepard, I am not your enemy.'

'How did you get this job, doc?' Shepard held his gaze.

'I asked for it,' he shrugged and she chuckled. 'I know David Anderson personally, we've compared notes on you over the years and he was devastated when you died, we had more than a few drinks with you as the topic of conversation. When you came back I was as much a disbeliever as anyone else, until he sent me the Lazarus files once you passed them on.' He shook his head with a chuckle, 'I think he was preparing me for this. After Bahak we had dinner and he dropped the hint that you were surrendering. I knew the brass would make you jump through hoops so I made sure I was one of them. David just laughed at me, that's when I knew I'd been set up.'

James grunted and they both turned to look at him. 'What, Anderson has a lot to answer for.'

'So, doc,' Shepard sighed, 'what are you going to put in your report?'

'I don't have to submit a report just yet, we have a few of these sessions to get through,' he shook his head at Shepard's groan. 'Don't worry, I won't force you to pour your heart out, although if you need an ear you've got one. How about we just stick to the schedule for now, the Defence Council is in no hurry to see you so we've got some time.'

'Thanks, doc,' Shepard stood up and shook his hand, a genuine smile on her face and James saw the moment she went from patient to hero and possibly friend. The sudden tightness in his chest took him by surprise and he sucked in a breath to drive it away.

'Well, that was interesting,' James commented as he led them by a circuitous route back to the shuttle on the roof. He wasn't taking any chances by following the same route twice, and it was only in his head so no-one but him had any idea where they were going.

'You could say that,' Shepard chuckled then without skipping beat, 'so, Stokes, how many women have you admired in their underwear?'

'None, ma'am,' he grinned as both Shepard and James turned surprised faces towards him, 'their underwear doesn't stay on long enough for me to admire it.'

'Oh, I like him,' she laughed as they entered the elevator to the roof.


	10. Chapter 10

 

**** 10 ****

Shepard's mood darkened the closer they got to their accommodations. The wall she was building became more and more impenetrable. No amount of lighthearted banter or conversation seemed to draw a reaction. James blamed it on Anderson. If he hadn't called them into his office she would still have been happy. James liked it when she was happy.

Right now he was concerned. His eyes flicked across to Shepard. She stared vacantly out the window of the sky car, her fists were clenched in her lap, the white knuckles only making him worry more. Stokes was out of the car as it touched down, sweeping the roof of the building before giving James the all clear.

'Shepard?' James opened her door but she continued to sit and stare. 'Shepard, come on,' he held out his hand, if he was lucky she'd accept his support.

He was relieved when she moved but it was short lived as she turned her eyes towards him. There was no spark, no fire. He was used to seeing her eyes full of life and his guts clenched in fear at the emptiness he saw there. She ignored his offered hand, stepped out of the car and marched towards the elevator. James hurried to catch up and as the doors closed behind him a tidal wave washed over him and he almost staggered. Shepard's face was devoid of any emotion but whatever she was feeling roiled around her like a living thing, churning and twisting the air as it sought release. Stokes' face was pale so James knew he wasn't the only one feeling it. He turned to face the door and the fire on his back threatened to blister his skin.

For the first time since meeting her James got a true sense of the warrior, of her strength. It made him feel inadequate and he realised that if she ever decided to escape there was no way he would be able to stop her. It was humbling and arousing and he cursed his mind for taking him down an inappropriate path. But at the same time he wanted more. It was intoxicating, invigorating and volatile. He wanted to feel that emotion explode around him, to suck him in and caress him with its burning fingers. He wanted to taste the life that she buried so deep inside, unleash the passion that was so well controlled.

The door opening brought his thoughts back into focus. Once more the controlled soldier he nodded to the guards at the door and led Shepard inside. Silently she continued her march directly into her room and closed the door behind her.

'Fuck!' Stokes leant on the table as if he needed its support. 'Did you feel that?' He looked at James for confirmation that he wasn't going mad.

'Yeah,' James nodded as he stared at the closed door. The lingering aftermath of Shepard still tugged at his senses.

'How the hell are we supposed to stop her from escaping if she decides she doesn't want to be here anymore?'

'Did you ever expect that we could,' Zahedi spoke from the kitchen and James dragged his eyes around to face him. 'She is a force of nature, her passion and intelligence make her the perfect warrior. She is driven to protect the innocent, to defend life. It is her calling.' Zahedi grinned at James, his white teeth stark against his dark skin. 'I see the same in you.'

'Are you a mind reader now Zahedi,' Stokes was shaking his head.

'No, I just see things a little better than others.' Zahedi laughed and turned away.

James went to speak but realised he didn't know what to say so he closed his mouth. What did others see in him to make them think he was like Shepard? They were both soldiers, they had sworn to defend the defenceless, but so had every other soldier. Shepard was relentless, never hesitating to stand up for the weak or innocent or do what needed to be done. She could make the hard choices, like killing thousands to save billions. Could he do that? Then he realised, in his own way he already had, just not on the same scale. Was it easy for her or did she struggle with the decision? Did it tear her apart the way his decision on Fehl Prime did?

He glanced at the closed door. He was confident it did, now. Once he wouldn't have been so sure but he'd seen the pain in her eyes, he glimpsed the way she hid it all away. He knew she'd be feeling that pain right now and he also knew she wouldn't let anyone else see it or help her deal with it. It amazed him that in such a short time his perceptions had been flipped on their head. The reality of Shepard had hit him in the face and opened his eyes.

He moved to the window and looked out over Alliance HQ to the city of Vancouver beyond. His eyes took in the skyline and he followed it to the spaceport where he knew the Normandy had docked. His expectations followed his gaze and flew away on the wind. He understood now that he couldn't have expectations with Shepard, she was unique, special, and didn't fit into any mould he'd ever seen. It was freeing, it allowed him to accept her for who she was, not for who he thought she should be.

'What are you cooking, Zahedi?' Stokes' voice made him jump.

The aroma of roasting meat invaded his senses and he glanced towards the kitchen where Zahedi was leaning against the bench. Obviously the man had been busy and the thought of a roast dinner had his mouth watering. Maybe a decent meal would help pull Shepard out of the mood she was in, as long as he could get her to eat it.

* * *

Shepard closed the door behind her. The gentleness in her hands a glaring contrast to the tumultuous cacophony in her head. She stood at the base of the bed and stared at the view out the window but she may as well have been facing a blank wall. It held no attraction for her. Anderson's words rolled around her mind like a wrecking ball, destroying any hope she had that this would be over and she could get back out there and start preparing.

Four weeks. She started pacing; the pain in her hands forced her to release her fingers and allow circulation to return. Four weeks of wasted time while the brass waited for their experts to go over her reports and medical exams. What the fuck was she supposed to do for four weeks! For the first time since surrendering she actually felt like a prisoner. She couldn't go anywhere, wasn't supposed to see anyone and had no contact with the outside world except through James or Anderson.

She tangled her fingers in her hair and pulled. She wanted to scream, to punch something and it would be really nice to blow something up. Her emotions were running a gauntlet. Anger, frustration, disappointment and betrayal all beat at her, knocking her slowly to the ground. She fought for control but it slipped through her fingers even as she grasped frantically for it. Determined not to let it get the better of her she stormed into the bathroom and stripped off the uniform that meant so much to her but right now only reminded her that she had no control.

She paused as she fingered the lace bra and panties. Kasumi had convinced her to buy them for that special moment when she wanted to turn on a man. It had never happened. The one man she'd thought would be the one to see them had left her broken and desolate on Horizon. She'd thought about wearing them for Thane but hearing him talk about his wife had pushed her away. Garrus had always been there for her just like Joker but they were too much like brothers for her to turn to them. The underwear had become a joke, so much of a joke that she'd worn them just to annoy James. Now she felt ridiculous.

It was clear that James didn't like her, she'd felt his animosity on the Normandy, on the Orizaba. She'd seen the pain in his eyes and knew he was fighting his way out of a bad place. She knew because she'd been there. If he needed to blame her for that then so be it. She knew all about that too, wanting to blame someone else because you couldn't accept the choices you made. If the best they could do was some casual banter then it would have to do.

Loneliness overwhelmed her and she choked back a sob as she turned on the shower and stepped in. The water was hot, almost burning and her body absorbed the heat, relaxing muscles that had been tense for too long. Unfortunately it relaxed other things as well. She felt tears burning but forced them back, she wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to give in to the despair and pain that ate at her core. She didn't cry, she was Commander Shepard, it was a weakness she couldn't afford. Her heart and soul had other ideas.

Everything hit her at once. Her death and its aftermath, the loss of the man she thought she loved, the separation from her crew and her ship, those she cared about, who were her friends and support. She had no-one, she was completely alone. Before she knew it she was curled against the wall sobbing uncontrollably.

She was finding it hard to breathe as wracking cries tore from her chest. Her body had decided it needed to release everything she'd held back for so long and she shivered uncontrollably. She slid to the floor. The hot water became painful barbs pricking her skin, and any hope of control washed down the drain. It wasn't until she felt something soft wrapping around her that she realised the water had stopped.

Gentle hands picked her up and held her firmly against a solid chest. Those hands carried her as if she was precious, a baby in need of tenderness. She was a mass of shivering jelly and the arms tightened around her. She felt secure, safe, and it gave her the moment she needed to pull herself together. The strength in the arms that held her and the solid mass against her cheek could only belong to one person.

Fighting for each breath as sobs slowly receded she managed to raise her head and was met with concerned, dark brown eyes. She should have made him put her down, get out, not let him see her like this but the warmth in his body and the protection he offered was welcoming and she gave in to it. Just a minute, that was all she needed. A minute to get herself under control. She lowered her head against his shoulder as the tears finally stopped and she could breathe again.

She was still shaking as he carefully laid her down on the bed. It was then she discovered that she was only wrapped in a towel. Her face flushed, she could feel the heat and it wasn't from her partial breakdown, although that was bad enough, and she knew she should be pushing him away. There was no fight in her though. Exhaustion, confusion and gratitude took hold as James tucked her lovingly into bed and removed the wet towel from under the covers. As her eyes closed and she gave up the fight she was sure she felt a kiss on her forehead.

'Sleep, Shepard, I've got your back,' the words were whispered but she felt the truth in them.

As darkness claimed her it occurred to her that maybe she wasn't as alone as she thought.

* * *

James closed the door to Shepard's room, sucked in a breath and dropped his forehead onto the door. He wasn't sure how to react, what to do. When Stokes had quietly called him into the observation room he had never thought he would be picking up a naked Shepard and tucking her into bed. He forced himself to forget about the naked part and concentrate on the broken woman he'd just held in his arms.

He'd shared Stokes' concern when he'd shown him the image of Shepard standing still for almost ten minutes, as if she was in some kind of trance. Then she'd started pacing and he could see the stiffness in her body, he waited for the scream as she pulled at her hair, waited for her anger to release and for broken furniture. But it never came. Instead she disappeared into the bathroom and there were no cameras in there. Forty minutes later she was still in there and both men were worried.

It was a further five minutes before James decided he should check on her. He'd knocked and let her know he was outside the bathroom door but she hadn't responded. He could hear what sounded like sobs, loud wracking sobs that tore at his heart. Hesitantly he opened the door and his heart broke. All hesitation was gone as he grabbed a towel and turned off the water. He gently wrapped the towel around her shaking body and picked her up. The absolute despair on her face shocked him, it was frightening in its intensity and he needed to protect her from it.

Expecting her to hit him, to push him away or yell at him to get out he pulled her into his chest. Her shivering and gasps for breath made him hold her tighter. He felt her move and he looked down meeting red, swollen eyes, eyes that held nothing but pain. He waited for the blows to come, the anger and fight that Commander Shepard would put up. As she lowered her head and tucked herself against his shoulder he realised that this wasn't Commander Shepard, this was _her_ , the woman who cared. She was precious and he tenderly tucked her into bed, carefully removing the towel without exposing her nakedness.

He was relieved when she surrendered to sleep and without thinking he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. 'Sleep, Shepard, I've got your back.' Whether she heard him or not he couldn't know as she sighed and relaxed into the bed.

'Is she okay,' Stokes was behind him and James turned to face him. 'Should we call a doctor?'

'No, I don't think so. I think she's just a little overwhelmed,' James scrubbed his face but it didn't help force away the concern. 'She should be fine after some sleep.'

'The Commander will be fine,' Zahedi spoke from the kitchen doorway. 'She is a strong woman, a warrior.'

'That's not what I saw in there,' James glanced over his shoulder at the closed door.

'Do you allow yourself to cry Mr Vega?'

'What sort of question is that?' James moved away from the door so their conversation didn't carry and wake her.

'A simple one,' Zahedi shrugged. 'Do you?'

'No,' James met the dark eyes of the biotic and knew he didn't believe him. 'Not normally.'

'That is as it should be for a warrior,' Zahedi nodded and James frowned at him knowing there was more to come. 'But for the man it is a hard burden to carry, keeping your emotions locked inside, controlling them takes work and sometimes they force their way out.'

James bit his lip as he remembered being unable to control his emotions on Fehl Prime, after …, well, just after. He'd felt embarrassed and weak, it had only made his guilt harder to bear.

'I see you have experienced this,' Zahedi was watching him carefully and James nodded slowly. 'The human body, mind and heart are amazing things. They know what we need and sometimes they force us into submission, it is beyond our control. At times like that we must learn not to fight it, by accepting it we become better men, better warriors. But I think you already know this.'

'Greatness only comes at a cost,' James sighed, remembering Hackett saying that once. He was beginning to understand what he meant.

'If that cost is the loss of our humanity, is it worth it?' Zahedi paused before adding, 'we must accept the humanity in ourselves, allow it to control us sometimes, accept the release it offers. Commander Shepard knows this, as do you. Holding it back is necessary, yes, but holding it back too long is unhealthy. It changes us in ways we cannot foresee and that can be dangerous to everyone around us. Do not let yourself be changed, James Vega, you have a part to play yet.'

'I think you've followed the wrong calling, Zahedi,' James shook his head and the biotic laughed.

'I am exactly where I need to be,' he was still chuckling as he returned to the kitchen.

James wasn't in the mood for philosophical thought. He realised his shirt was wet and getting cold so he headed to his room to change but stopped and turned to Stokes.

'Turn off the camera in Shepard's room,' he was thankful when Stokes simply nodded and headed for the observation room. She was naked and there was no need for anyone to see that when she woke up.


	11. Chapter 11

**** 11 ****

Shepard was avoiding him. It was the only explanation James had for why she always had something to do when he entered the room. Since the shower incident over a week ago she'd barely looked at him and it was frustrating. The most he'd got was a good morning or goodnight. He was also angry and, if he was being really honest with himself, a little jealous.

Joker had brought some of Shepard's personal things over and the moment she saw him she lit up, her eyes shone and a smile brightened her face. He wanted that, he wanted her to look at him that way. When they embraced his fists had clenched and his stomach tightened. He wanted to be able to touch her hand, rub her back, let her know he was there for her. But they had a connection forged in battle and he couldn't hope to compete with that.

She'd talked tech with Stokes who was in awe of what she was showing him. Zahedi had laughed with her as they talked in the kitchen and she helped him with meals once or twice, she'd also given him pointers on using biotics on the battlefield. She'd talked weapons with Reigler and that had annoyed James so much he'd left the room and taken his anger out on the punching bag in the gym. He wanted to talk to her about weapons, about anything if it would bring back the smallest of conversations.

Buckner was the only other one she seemed to be avoiding. James wondered why that was, they'd hardly spoken but it was as if she sensed something about him. James didn't particularly like him, especially the way he watched Shepard, the way he encroached on her whenever he got the chance. She wasn't rude to him, in fact she'd laughed with him a couple of times but James knew it wasn't genuine humour. Buckner flirted with her, and that made James' blood boil. Shepard kept him at bay but James could see the concern in her eyes.

It didn't help that she'd invaded his dreams. He'd dreamed about her in bed, on the battlefield alongside him, they'd had intimate dinners and explosive missions all leading to the inevitable conclusion of her in his arms. He was losing his mind. And so, here he was again, taking out his anger on the punching bag after seeing Stokes and Shepard huddled over his omnitool.

'You know you should really tape your hands before you do that.'

James glanced up at Shepard leaning in the doorway. 'No pain no gain, isn't that right.' He wanted to ask why she was suddenly talking to him but he just kept punching the bag, the pain in his knuckles giving him something to concentrate on.

'I'm sorry, James.'

That made him stop and he looked at her with a puzzled frown. 'For what?'

'For keeping you somewhere you don't want to be. I know you don't like me all that much so this has to be difficult for you. I'm sure if you ask Anderson he will replace you.'

'What?' James gaped at her, 'no … that's not it at all.'

He ran his bloody hands through his hair then grimaced as he realised what he'd done. He looked down at his knuckles, grazed from the repeated hits on the bag. Scabs from the last episode had gone and the wounds were open again.

'So what is it then?' Shepard was suddenly in front of him with medigel, her hands warm as she led him to a seat, sat beside him then held his fingers and applied the gel. 'I know you resent me for your mission going wrong, you need someone to blame, I get that. I've been where you are so I understand.'

'Yeah,' James was fascinated by the gentle touch of her fingers, the way her hand was so small and yet it fit perfectly into his. 'I mean, I did,' he looked up and met her eyes which searched the depth of his soul.

'But not anymore?'

'No,' he watched as she dropped her head and went back to tending his hands. Her hair was so close to his face, his breath lifted the strands and he wanted so badly to touch it, to see if it was as soft and silky as it looked. _Shit, James, get it together!_ 'I admit, I thought you were a cold hearted bitch who didn't care,' she grunted a laugh and the corner of his mouth lifted in response. 'But then I met you and as much as I tried to believe you were that person you proved me wrong.'

'I am a cold hearted bitch,' she chuckled, 'just ask everyone out there.'

'I've seen _her_ ,' she lifted her head and James was hypnotised by her brown eyes that for a brief moment showed her soul before the soldier took control. 'The woman who cares, deeply, and she's definitely not a cold hearted bitch.'

'I think you've seen a lot more than that lieutenant,' she grinned and James felt his face flush.

'Yeah, I … about that …'

'James, it's okay,' she gently wrapped her fingers around his and James had to force himself not to suck in a breath. 'I appreciate what you did, I let things get the better of me and you saw that. I don't usually break like that, it's just ...' She dropped her eyes and James guessed she was embarrassed that he'd seen her at her worst.

'It's okay, Shepard, we all have those moments,' he gave her fingers a gentle squeeze, 'your secret's safe with me.' The heartfelt half smile she wore made his heart burst with light, pushing out the grey that had filled it. 'I'm here if you need to talk.' That was the offer she'd made him and he'd never taken her up on it, he was starting to think he should have.

'So,' she sat back and grinned at him, 'let's start again shall we.' She held out her hand, 'Commander Andora Shepard, pleased to meet you.'

James chuckled and took her hand in his, astounded at the strength he felt there and surprised at just how right it felt to hold it. 'Lieutenant James Vega, and it's an honour to meet you, ma'am.'

'Okay, Jimmy Vega,' she snickered as he rolled his eyes. 'How about we go get some lunch, I think Zahedi has made risotto.'

'Are you asking me on a lunch date, Shepard,' James grinned.

'I just might be,' she laughed openly at the surprise on his face and James had never heard anything more beautiful as he followed her from the room.

Things certainly improved after that. James could see that Shepard was bored. She flitted between reading her books, paperbacks that had astounded James when he'd seen them, working out in the gym and discussions with the team members. James was extremely happy that he was now included in that. He'd discussed weapons with her, impressed at her knowledge of the various ways to use them considering her skill set was that of an engineer. He'd learned a few things about taking down engineers and it amazed him that she was willing to share that knowledge. If she decided to go rogue he could use it against her.

When he found her one day staring vacantly out the window he knew she needed more. She was used to being in the thick of battle, being in charge, planning and carrying out missions. Sitting still was killing her.

'Shepard,' he stood beside her, following her gaze towards the docks where he knew the Normandy was being refitted.

'James,' she acknowledged him with a nod.

'Wanna dance,' James' heart soared at the smile she gave him.

'I'd love to.'

And so began their sparring sessions. For at least an hour a day they beat the shit out of each other, well, James ended up with the most bruises, but he was learning. After a few days he thought he'd recognised a pattern in her movements but just as he was about to take advantage she did something completely unexpected and had him on the floor. He was fast coming to love ending up on the floor simply for the smile she wore after.

As the days passed the other team members became active participants. Sometimes they took it in turns, other days they attacked together. Shepard always got the better of them. She was quick and unpredictable and every one of them was floored, literally in most cases, by her skills. James realised quickly though that she was teaching them, the proud smile or pat on the shoulder she gave them when they did something unexpected was worth every single bruise. He was coming to admire the N7 warrior as much as he adored the caring woman underneath, it was no longer hero worship but genuine respect. She was getting under his skin and he didn't want to stop it, in fact he relished it, cherished every moment she gave him. She was a drug and he was addicted.

* * *

Icy fingers of dread tickled the back of his neck. Something had woken him. James lay in the dark, listening, feeling the very air around him. When he was confident he was alone he rolled over and softly put his feet on the floor. It suddenly occurred to him that the room was darker than normal, there was no light under the door from the communal area. There were always lights left on, the roster meant someone was always awake and he knew Shepard's sleeping patterns were irregular, just like his.

He grabbed his sweatpants from the end of his bed, quickly and quietly put them on, got to his feet and picked up his pistol and blade from under his pillow. He ignored his boots and practiced habits paid off as he moved to the door, no furniture obstructed his path, he'd moved everything the day they arrived. The very first time he'd had a night time drill he'd ended up with more bruises and cuts from falling over things in the dark than he got from the actual firefight. It was a lesson he learned well.

He leant carefully against the wall and silently opened the door just enough for him to see out. He was grateful the doors were old style hinged doors and didn't squeak. His eyes had adjusted enough for him to see three people in the room, none of them his, the sound of boots on tile told him there were at least two more. The only light in the room came from their armour and the red glow of laser sights. He ducked back quickly as one flashed his way. With a silent deep breath he closed the door.

In three strides he was across the room and at the door that joined his room to Shepard's. He hadn't used the interconnecting door purely to give her a sense of privacy, but now he needed to. Very carefully he cracked it open. He had no doubt that Shepard was awake and the last thing he wanted was her thinking he was the enemy. A hand on his arm scared the crap out of him but he managed to stop himself from jumping when the familiar warmth made him shiver.  His eyes could just make out her shadow in the darkness.

Shepard grabbed his hands and counted off six on his fingers, paused, counted off two then ran her hand flat up his forearm. Shit! Two shielded, that wasn't good. He wasn't a tech, he didn't have the tools to disable shields. He tapped her hand twice to let her know he understood then indicated she should wait. In a heartbeat he reached his bedside table, picked up Shepard's omnitool and quickly returned. He closed her fingers around the tool and felt a squeeze of gratitude. He passed her his blade figuring she would be better with it than him and he wasn't going to leave her completely defenseless. If they took him down at least she would have a fighting chance. He almost laughed aloud, who was he kidding, she could have them all dead before he got off a shot.

A thump at his door let them know someone was coming, whoever it was obviously wasn't used to working in the dark. Shepard slipped into his room and James felt her following as he moved to the side of the door. He felt the air move as Shepard passed him and took up position on the other side of the doorway just as the door opened. James kept his eyes on the floor as a shape moved into the room, even the dull light from the armour would affect his vision so he avoided looking at it.

There was a slight variance in light between the two rooms and the figure stopped momentarily as his eyes adjusted. James didn't hesitate. He stepped forward, grabbed the helmet and twisted. The snapping of bone gave him great satisfaction. Armour was good for keeping out bullets but the neck was a weak spot and not even the strongest armour could stop a broken neck. Holding the intruder upright James walked him into the room. Once the figure was far enough into the room Shepard closed the door softly as James lowered him to the floor.

The faint light now in the room from the armour was enough that James could see Shepard as she knelt beside the body. She searched it quickly and efficiently and he was surprised when she placed something in his hand. A syringe. So, they hadn't planned on killing him, just knocking him out long enough to get to Shepard. He was insulted that they thought so little of his skills. Shepard pulled him down to her level and he felt her breath on his neck as she leant in to him. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, disturbed as if by a predator and trying madly to flee.

'They'll probably expect him to go through the connecting door,' she whispered and he nodded. 'I'll use that, catch them off guard. You need to flank them when I do.'

'Shepard …' James was frowning even though he knew she couldn't see it in the dark.

'It's okay, they'll think I'm still in bed,' he felt her grin, 'pillows are useful for more than just sleeping on.'

James had to remember that she wasn't just an ordinary woman. She was an N7, she did shit like this without breaking a sweat. He nodded his acceptance and, taking back the syringe, she tapped him on the shoulder as she got up. James moved to the door, fighting to ignore the heat on his shoulder where she'd touched his bare skin and the cold spot on his neck where her breath had been moments before. He forced himself to focus, their lives could depend on it and he wasn't about to let her get killed on his watch.

He cracked open the door to see four figures gathered outside Shepard's door. The sensation of Shepard was gone so he quickly stepped out of the room, flattened himself against the wall and hoped the shadows gave him cover. There was still one missing. He guessed that they were taking care of either Stokes or Zahedi. He couldn't spare the time to check.

Everything happened at once. As the shadowy group breached the door a hand gripped his arm. He spun and dropped into a crouch as lightning flashed behind him. Shepard had taken down their shields and momentarily distracted and disoriented the enemy. At the same time Zahedi urged James into action.

James was on his feet and moving. His pistol fired twice, both shots entering the neck of one assailant. Zahedi had another one held in a stasis bubble while Shepard had one on the ground a knife through his throat. That left one, he hesitated and that was his undoing. Before James could get off a shot Shepard had him down and injected him with whatever was in the syringe.

'Where's the other one?' James hissed as he and Shepard moved to the one in stasis.

'Dead,' Zahedi pulled a pistol as the stasis bubble dissolved and the intruder fell to his knees.

Shepard flicked on the lights and James had the man up against the wall, his arm across his throat, before he could regain his senses. 'Who sent you?'

There was no response. James increased the pressure on his throat but there was nothing. A hand on his arm made James glance down to see Shepard with a puzzled frown on her face. Slowly she reached up and released the helmet clips and with Zahedi's help removed the helmet revealing a grey face and unnatural, electronic looking blue eyes. James almost released his hold but quickly regathered his senses.

'What the fuck …'

'Cerberus.' She stepped back, the hatred in her voice making James' blood run cold.

'What have they done to him?' Zahedi was getting in closer, as if to examine him in detail but Shepard stopped him.

'They're improving them,' she scoffed. 'Get Anderson up here, James. Maybe he can get some answers.'

James forced the intruder to the floor and held him down with his knees. It was as if all the fight had gone out of him, he was just staring out at nothing. Movement behind them had Shepard and Zahedi turning. The intruder she'd injected was writhing on the floor in obvious pain. The thought that it was something other than a sedative made James shiver, he brought up his omnitool and called Anderson. It was only right that his night be disrupted as well.

By the time Anderson arrived with back up the prisoners had been secured, Stokes was nursing a concussion and bruised ego and James had figured out a few things. The most obvious being the point of entry.

'We have a mole.'

Anderson stopped a few steps inside the doorway as James stepped up to meet him. 'We know of someone on Hackett's ship but they didn't know where you were.' Anderson was frowning.

'No, we have a mole on my team,' James was angry and his fists clenched. The thought that someone they'd trusted had betrayed them hurt.

'Are you sure?'

'Did you know about the hidden elevator in the wall?'

'No,' Anderson looked past him to where the elevator stood open. 'That's not on the blueprints.'

'Everyone on the team knew about it after Reigler showed us it was there.'

'Where is Reigler now?' Anderson looked to where Zahedi and Stokes were sitting.

'On the roof,' James had checked in with him and from his reaction he was completely unaware of what was going on. 'Buckner is on day leave.'

'We'll get this sorted,' Anderson placed his hand on James' shoulder. 'Good job keeping Shepard safe.'

'It was a joint effort,' James sighed, 'Shepard did most of it.'

'But she didn't do it alone,' Anderson chuckled at James' self-recrimination before moving further into the room. 'Shepard,' he was grinning as he stopped beside the table where Shepard was sipping a coffee. 'I hear you've had an interesting night.'


	12. Chapter 12

**** 12 ****

James' head snapped up with a crack. He cursed himself for falling asleep as he rolled his neck to ease the tension. He glanced at the surveillance screens, nothing was amiss and that gave him some peace of mind.

'James, you can't keep this up.'

He looked at Shepard who was leaning on the end of the desk, 'how long have you been there?'

'You nodded off for about fifteen minutes,' she sighed and pulled over a chair, sitting close enough that their knees were touching. 'Two days without sleep is long enough, you can't fight it forever.'

'I have to,' he watched as she leaned forward, her elbows resting on her thighs and hands interlocked between her knees. He copied her position which put his head very close to hers. It would be so easy to keep going, to rest his forehead against hers. His linked fingers brushed hers as he met her eyes. 'I can't take the chance on missing something.'

'James you have to trust someone.'

'Yeah, but who, other than you?' He sat back and released a deep sigh, running his hands through his hair before scrubbing his face. He was tired and soon he'd start making mistakes.

'Well,' she sat back and folded her arms across her chest. 'How about we work it out.'

James wasn't sure he could. Self-doubt ate at him, gnawed on his mind with sharp teeth and he felt every bite. Soon it would draw blood and wash away any positive thoughts. It left holes where memories poked through and he was too tired to fight them. Lethargy took hold as the past invaded, as previous betrayal reminded him how useless he was.

'This has happened before.'

James' eyes shot open. Shepard was staring at him, her eyes narrowed to crinkled slits. There was no condemnation though, just concern.

'Yeah,' he nodded and she sat up, obviously thinking about something.

'Betrayal hurts,' she sighed and stood up, James watched as she settled into her pacing. It was something she did when she was frustrated, angry or unsure. That she was doing it now made him realise that she was about to tell him something important, probably personal. 'It's not something you get used to either.'

'Shepard …' James could see the pain in her eyes and he hated the thought that he was making her face it.

'It's okay James,' she gave him a soft smile that quickly disappeared. 'Believe it or not it gets easier, at least accepting it does.' She ran a hand through her hair, 'the first time it was a fellow N3,' she scoffed as if that was improbable. 'We were on a mission and he panicked. To save his own neck he gave me up. Didn't matter because they killed him anyway and I spent ten days in a batarian prison before I finally escaped. They promoted me to N4 after that.'

James couldn't even imagine what that had done to her. He knew about batarian prisons, the cruelty they inflicted for fun, the torture they dished out to see how long someone could survive. It would have been doubly hard for Shepard, the batarians destroyed her home, killed her family. Taking on a mission involving batarians would have been at best difficult, at worst terrifying. But maybe that's why she was given it, to prove she could handle it as part of her N training.

'I had a lovely scar to remind me of that one,' she ran her hand from just beneath her shoulder blade around to her navel, 'it's gone now, Cerberus took care of that. Then they betrayed me, sent us intel that they knew was a lie, put us into positions that could have killed us.' She stopped and looked at him, 'don't misunderstand, I expected it, this is Cerberus we're talking about. I guess I also expected some sort of loyalty after spending so much time and money to bring me back. But I was just a tool to be used.'

She started pacing again, 'there have been others. Just before Elysium I made an enemy of a fellow marine in my unit, he wanted something I wasn't willing to give.' She snorted a laugh, 'thought he deserved it, was everything a woman needed and should be in awe of.' She shook her head in disgust. 'He was my sniper, we were protecting the last of the survivors in a bunker and he was supposed to have my back. Instead, he led a group of mercenaries to the position I was holding. I took three bullets before I managed to take them down, one of which was an arterial shot that nearly killed me. They gave me the star of Terra for that.'

'What happened to the marine?'

'They found him dead in an alley on Elysium, shot in the back of the head.' She took a deep breath and sat down, 'there were more, some very personal,' she quickly covered the sadness in her eyes and not for the first time James wondered who had broken her heart. 'What I'm trying to say is that it happens. In our line of work probably more than we'd like, but you can't let it eat at you, it will destroy you if you let it.'

'Yeah, I get it,' James' eyes flashed with gratitude and understanding. 'It's just raw, you know.'

'I know,' she placed her hand on his knee and James quietly sucked in a breath. 'We need to sort this out though, it's not doing much for the atmosphere in this place.'

'Okay, where do we start?' He pulled himself upright, disappointed when she removed her hand from his leg.

'Not now,' she stood up, took his hand in hers and pulled him to his feet.

His momentum carried him forward and Shepard's hand ended up on his chest, the warmth of her touch burning through his t-shirt. For a moment their eyes locked and the world stopped moving. Her hand was still holding his and his free hand was resting on her waist as something passed between them. It was electrical, it triggered every nerve ending he had and James fought for air. Then it was gone as Shepard stepped back.

'You need to get some sleep,' there was a softness in her voice that James had never heard before, as if she was overcome by whatever had just happened. 'You need to clear your head.' She gently turned him around and pushed him towards the door.

'What about you, I'm supposed to be guarding you, not the other way around.'

'Look, if it makes you happy I'll come and sit in your room while you sleep,' she rolled her eyes at him.

'So you're coming to bed with me, are you going to tuck me in,' he grinned.

'If it will shut you up, yes!' She pushed him through the door with a groan as he laughed at her.

* * *

James awoke to the sound of someone moaning, and not in a pleasurable way. It took him a moment to realise there was warmth at his back and a shivering body. Very carefully he turned over. His eyebrows almost hit his hairline as he realised Shepard was asleep on the bed beside him. He plugged his eyeballs back into their socket and blinked to clear his vision, only to find she was still there.

She was shivering. From the paleness of her skin and the tension in her body he assumed she was dreaming. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her lips a thin line of pale pink, her fists clenched against her chest. Her breathing was erratic and she moaned painfully before gasping for breath, sucking in air as if it was the last breath she would ever take. Then it hit him. She'd died gasping for breath, slowly suffocating in the cold of space.

'Shepard,' he said softly, placing his hand gently on her shoulder.

Her reaction was instant. In one movement she was facing him, her hand on his throat, her thumb and forefinger digging into his trachea making it hard for him to swallow or breathe. Just as quickly it was gone, he gasped for air and swallowed hard.

'James,' Shepard rolled onto her back, closed her eyes and knotted her fingers through her hair. She was still pale and he could feel her shivering.

'Shepard, you're freezing,' he ran his hand up and down her arm and without thinking moved closer, his arm going around her head on the pillow. 'You should get under the covers, warm up.' He realised she was smirking at him, 'you were dreaming.'

'Yes,' she croaked with a nod and allowed him to drag the blankets over her chilled body. 'Nightmares.'

James was careful to keep the blankets tucked between them, the last thing she needed was to feel threatened by a half-naked man alongside her. The fact that his body was reacting to her presence didn't need to be obvious either. He was still not sure he was awake, it seemed surreal to have Shepard in the same bed as him.

'Are you okay?' He continued to rub her arm even though she was securely ensconced in the blankets.

'Yeah,' she sighed and he felt her relax against him, her hair brushed his chest as she turned towards him, it was soft and he could smell vanilla and a hint of cinnamon. 'Haven't had that one for a while.'

'Do you want to talk about it,' he stopped rubbing her arm but didn't move away. He was starting to think she didn't until she finally spoke.

'I was dreaming of my death,' she said it so calmly that it took James a moment to respond.

'You remember it?'

'Some of it,' he was surprised when she took his hand in hers and held it, as if she needed something real to keep her grounded.

She laced her fingers through his and rolled onto her side, her back against the blankets between them, his hand locked with hers on her abdomen. They were almost spooning and James wanted to pinch himself to prove he was awake. He wasn't sure that she was aware of the position they were in but he didn't want to point it out either. She seemed lost in thought and he cherished the fact that she trusted him enough to drop the commander persona. Right now she needed him and he was going to be there for her.

'It was cold,' she shivered and her grip on his hand tightened. 'The armour I was wearing wasn't meant for space so it didn't take long for the heat to start disappearing The suit tried, the environment servos were working overtime but it didn't help.' She closed her eyes and James risked a glance over her shoulder, she was fighting back tears. 'It was beautiful you know, quiet. Even the Normandy looked stunning in her death throes, the colours, the flashes of light. She was a beautiful ship and she went to her death fighting all the way.

'Joker tried to save her, was willing to give his life for her, for us, her crew. I couldn't let him do that.' She shuddered, 'there were holes everywhere and that fucking ship just kept coming. I remember thinking that this wasn't how I was supposed to die. I should be on a battlefield, taking down the enemy, not floating in space at their mercy. I was so amazed at the beauty I didn't even think about my position. Not until my helmet hud started flashing at me. Then I realised my suit was leaking.'

James was mesmerised. She spoke as if it was a story she was telling, she seemed detached from it and he doubted that she had truly dealt with it.

'Suffocating is a terrible way to die.' She grimaced, 'I had no way to stop it, no way to give me time in the hope that someone might rescue me. Be careful what you wish for, James. Cerberus finding me and rebuilding me from burnt meat and tubes wasn't exactly the rescue I had in mind.'

That was the second time someone had said that to him. Hackett had said the same thing on Fehl Prime.

'The last thing I remember seeing was the sun rising over Alchera. It was stunning. The Normandy was falling around me, starting to burn up in the atmosphere. My lungs were screaming for air and my vision was blurring but it was a beautiful sight. After that … Then I woke up, two years were gone and I was a Cerberus construct.'

'So you don't remember anything in between?' James asked softly and she rolled onto her back to face him, she studied him with piercing scrutiny and he felt like he was under a microscope.

'I'm sorry, James, I can't give you the peace you need, I can't tell you that someone you love is in a better place. If there was something I don't remember it.'

'My mother,' he spoke just above a whisper. The air around them was heavy and James could see that Shepard was still feeling the aftermath of her dream and confession. 'So, Shepard, why are you in my bed?' He folded his arm from around her head and leant on his hand, a smirk playing on his lips.

'The chair was uncomfortable,' she shrugged, 'you were dead to the world so I didn't think you'd mind sharing. I wasn't planning to fall asleep though, must have been more tired than I thought.'

'So it had nothing to do with me being half naked under the covers, you didn't want to feel this body?'

'James,' she gave him an evil grin, 'I've seen many half naked marines, shared sleeping bags with some of them during exposure training, you know for body heat.'

'Did you hang on to their hands too?'

Her eyes opened in surprise and she quickly released her hold as if his touch burned and he regretted opening his mouth. 'I'm sorry, James, I didn't realise …'

'Hey,' she went to get up but he held her arm, 'it's okay. I told you Shepard, I'm here for you, whatever you need.'

Her gaze fell from his face to his bare chest and he was surprised to see her blush. She suddenly seemed flustered and he couldn't hide his grin.

'So, you do see something you like.'

'Don't flatter yourself,' she rolled off the bed but she was smiling.

'Ouch,' he rolled onto his back with his hands on his chest over his heart.

'Come on Romeo, time to get up and get to work.' She looked at him from under dark lashes, 'I'll leave you alone, just so I'm not tempted by your nakedness.' She wiped her brow and gave a moon-eyed moan.

'Thanks Shepard, you really know how to make a guy feel good.' He laughed as she threw a pillow at him before leaving the room.

James watched the door close and allowed himself a moment of pure self-indulgence as he rolled over onto the pillow she'd been using. It still had her scent on it and he inhaled deeply. He pinched himself to make sure he was awake and couldn't stop the smile that covered his face as he thought about sharing a bed with Shepard.

That was when he realised he was in trouble. He curled around her pillow and imagined her there. He was falling for her, and it was more than hero worship. He cursed himself and rolled over, forcing his traitorous body out of bed. _Pendejo! She's out of your league, forget it._ The cold shower did little to drive the thoughts from his head and he wondered if she felt anything for him, anything at all.


	13. Chapter 13

**** 13 ****

Shepard closed the connecting door and leaned back against it. She closed her eyes and dropped her head back. _What the hell was that!?_ She could still feel the heat in her face as she pushed herself off the door and moved to the bed, sitting slowly on the edge as she fought to gather thoughts that seemed to have scattered across the galaxy. It wasn't working so she stood up and paced.

How could she have been so stupid? Six steps, turn. How could she have let him see her in such a vulnerable state. Six steps, turn. What the fuck had she been thinking? Six steps, stop. Was she so lonely and desperate that the first warm body and kind heart broke her? No. Six steps, turn. She'd simply wanted to get comfortable, she hadn't planned on falling asleep. She'd shared beds with marines before, she told him that, it was simply practical and logical. Then that damn nightmare. She stopped pacing and buried her face in her hands. That particular one hadn't plagued her for a while so why now. Why had it affected her to the point where she'd opened up? Why had he affected her that way?

The only other person she had ever told about her death was Joker after she woke up in his arms. He was terrified she was going to break every bone in his body. She was just thankful he cared enough to be there. The nightmares had been brutal after her resurrection, she could say that now even though she still winced. Joker had taken the chance, woken her up and held her while she cried. He had become her lifeline and as much as she loved him for that they were only ever friends, very good friends. They'd shared a lot, dealt with their guilt and fear together. But they'd been through a lot too.

James was different. There was no history between them, no sharing of secrets, no shared fears. Yet instinctively she felt she could trust him. They were both in pain. Maybe that was why she felt drawn to him, she wanted to help him and it seemed he wanted to do the same for her. But letting her guard down, letting him see her in such a vulnerable state, that was something she had never done with anyone after knowing them for such a short time. A little calmer now she sat on the edge of the bed.

Only one other man had made her feel like she could, she'd even shared some of her secrets with him, let him see her self-doubt and fear but she'd never let her defences drop completely. Then the one time she really needed him he let her down, blamed her and walked away. She'd trusted him, given him her heart only to have it thrown shattered and broken at her feet.

She glanced at the closed door. Maybe it was just because she was lonely and James was there. He didn't know her, hadn't served with her, he knew her record, knew what she'd done but there was no personal connection there. He was an unknown, she wasn't his CO, she didn't have to keep up appearances, she was a prisoner. She needed someone to talk to, he was willing, and probably someone she would never see again when this was all over. She enjoyed the light-hearted conversations, the friendly flirting. It was comfortable.

She could definitely get used to having his strength at her back, the feel of his breath on her neck, the touch of his hand on her shoulder. She'd almost choked him but his warm brown eyes had held no fear, only trust. The image of his eyes lingered and she wondered how they would look in the heat of passion, as he held her, kissed her, as she ran her hands over his bare chest … _Stop it!_ She shot to her feet, gaping at the path her thoughts had traveled.

She was on trial for murdering batarians, the reapers were coming and every organic life in the galaxy was under threat of extinction. She had no time for fantasies, no time for emotional involvements, besides, it was highly unlikely he thought of her that way. She was Commander Shepard and he was her guard, that was all it could be, with maybe a bit of hero worship, although she'd probably destroyed that image when she broke down in the shower.

The cold made her shiver and she rubbed her arms, remembering the feel of rough, calloused but gentle hands that had done the same. A frustrated growl escaped as she reached for her jumper. This had to stop. Now. Calling on her professionalism she straightened her shoulders and headed for the kitchen. Coffee. She needed something else to concentrate on and the coffee machine seemed like a good choice.

* * *

'Hey, LT,' Stokes was grinning as James entered the surveillance room.

'Something funny, Stokes?'

'No, sir,' the grin was still there and James glanced at the screens. One image was stilled and he cringed at what it implied.

'Nothing happened,' James scowled at him, wondering why he felt the need to defend himself.

'Of course not, sir,' Stokes agreed, still with that cheesy grin on his face. 'Should I delete the footage?'

James sighed, 'can you do that without it being obvious?'

'Yep,' Stokes nodded and typed in a few commands. The image vanished, replaced by James sleeping quietly, alone.

'Thanks, Shepard has enough on her plate without worrying about misunderstood images,' James glared at Stokes but he quickly softened his gaze. 'Stokes, are you a Cerberus spy?'

'What!' The man spluttered and the horror on his face was genuine. 'Are you serious?'

'Cerberus found out where Shepard was being kept and they knew about that elevator. The only people who knew were the ones at the debrief on the first day. Even Anderson didn't know about it.'

'Sir,' Stokes got to his feet and stood at attention. 'I am not nor will I ever be a Cerberus spy. I've seen what they do for the good of humanity and their interpretation of good doesn't match mine.'

James watched him for a moment. There was something else there but he wasn't going to push it. His gut told him he could trust Stokes so he would, for now.

'Okay, Stokes, I believe you.' James patted the marine on the shoulder and felt him relax. 'I need to know if anyone else has been sending messages that could be coded or seemingly innocent. We need to find out how Cerberus knew and got in here.'

'Yes, sir,' Stokes nodded, 'it will take me some time but I have a suggestion.' He waited for James to give him permission to continue. 'I can place discreet motion sensors on the elevator, I can go down to the bunker and put them there too.'

'Do it, but make sure no-one else knows they're there.'

'Roger that,' Stokes nodded and James really wanted to believe Stokes was innocent of any wrong doing.

'Let me know when it's done.' James turned and left the room.

He found Shepard in the kitchen, coffee in hand and one on the counter for him. A smile flashed across his face at the thought that she'd been thinking about him.

'Thanks, Shepard,' he picked up the cup and leant against the bench. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' she shrugged and he knew she was lying. 'I guess I've blown that perfect image you had of me, I'm not the perfect hero you expected.'

'Oh, I've still got a perfect image of you,' he tapped his temple and grinned at her but her face dropped and she went to walk away. 'Hey,' he grasped her hand and he was sure he felt a tremor but she didn't pull away, 'seriously, I never expected you to be perfect.'

She looked at him in surprise and he chuckled, 'a cold hearted bitch, a powerful soldier, a badass and a woman not to be ignored, yeah.' She rolled her eyes and he continued, 'you're only human, Shepard. Letting me see that doesn't make you any less in my eyes, in fact it's reassuring. If you can deal with the shit that's been piled on you and still keep that humanity then there's hope for all of us.'

He didn't add that there was hope for him. If she could get through her pain and frustrations then he certainly could, he would accept his choices and move on. It wouldn't be immediate, he knew that, but knowing he could was a step in the right direction.

Shepard looked at him. The gratitude and relief in her eyes made his heart beat faster, he'd turned sadness into that and it felt good. She was still holding his hand and he was absently drawing circles on the back of it with his thumb. She glanced down at their hands then met his eyes and there was something in them that James couldn't quite read.

'Thanks, James,' she gently removed her hand from his and a sparkle of mischief lit her eyes. 'I have a perfect image of you too, bare chest and all.' She laughed as James fish mouthed at her. 'Now,' she was still grinning as she picked up her coffee, 'I believe we have some work to do.'

James shook his head as she moved back to the bench. A flirty, fun Shepard was something he wasn't quite sure how to deal with. He definitely liked it and was more than happy to throw it back at her but she was this amazing woman, flirting with him, and it gave him goose bumps. Very pleasant goose bumps and he was sure his face flushed but he wouldn't miss it for anything.

'Who can we trust?'

James noticed she'd made sure her back was to the camera so he moved to the cooktop and set about preparing a meal. If they wanted to appear normal and keep their faces hidden, he could do that.

'Stokes, I think,' she nodded ever so slightly and he continued. 'The others, I don't know.' He wanted to mention Buckner, there was just something about the guy that he didn't like but was he Cerberus spy. It could just be that James saw him as competition.

'I think I have a way we can find out.'

'What's the plan, Shepard,' James realised he was sharing control with someone who was supposed to be a prisoner but this was her life they were trying to protect. Besides, the opportunity to learn from the best of the best wasn't one he was going to miss.

* * *

'Ready?' James watched Shepard walk towards him and found it hard to breathe. She looked absolutely stunning in her dress blues. 'James,' her chuckle brought him back into focus.

'Yeah,' he nodded, running his finger around his collar that had suddenly become tight.

'You clean up nice,' she eyed him up and down and he instinctively straightened his shoulders.

'Compared to you I may as well be wearing holey rags.'

'Holey rags with skin showing, now there's an image for my dreams.'

James shook his head with a laugh, 'not making me blush anymore, Shepard,' he leaned closer, 'you'll have to work harder than that.'

He was sure she sucked in a breath as she pulled back slightly and her eyes met his. Whatever she was about to say was halted by Zahedi coming up behind them. Suddenly serious she nodded and turned to face the door.

It was common knowledge that the Defence Committee was questioning Shepard today and James hated that. It made his job difficult, it didn't help that this was also the first time they'd been out since the attack. They were all on edge.

'Zahedi, you know the route.' James met his eyes and the marine nodded. 'If anything happens to me you get Shepard to safety, do you understand.'

'Yes, sir,' he snapped off a salute.

With a deep breath James opened the door. The committee chamber was one building away but it took them almost an hour to reach it. James took them up and down floors, in and out of several buildings and across roofs. It was a convoluted, confusing route and he was surprised he remembered it without looking at his omnitool. He'd managed to avoid the press and their trip had been uneventful. He was relieved to see Anderson walking towards them as they entered the administration building.

'James, glad to see you dressed for the occasion,' he grinned at the scowl on James' face.

'Yeah, don't pull the dress blues out very often, but just for you.' He shrugged his shoulders to settle his jacket more comfortably.

'Shepard,' Anderson lost all signs of amusement. 'Are you ready?'

'Ready as I'll ever be,' she sighed and James could hear the doubt in her voice.

An hour and a half later they were on their way back to their accommodations. James could feel the frustration and anger radiating off Shepard and he couldn't blame her. He'd stood inside at his post by the door and listened to the same questions repeatedly, worded slightly different possibly to catch Shepard out, for the last hour. They hadn't been interested in hearing about the reapers or what she'd discovered on the collector ship. They were more interested in making her out to be delusional and a criminal. She wasn't the only one frustrated and angry.

Anderson had stormed out of the chamber, his face flushed and his fists clenched. He'd paced outside the room and the staff had quickly cleared the room. He'd cursed the committee and called them names James would never have expected and if it hadn't been so serious it would have been funny. Anderson had sent them off after apologising to Shepard who was more concerned about Anderson than the committee. He was muttering something about calling in favours as they walked away.

Once again they walked a winding route. James was watching everyone they passed, glancing into corners and checking the sky when they were in the open. He could feel the emotions rolling of Shepard and he knew she was distracted. As they reached a small covered garden between buildings he slowed his pace, checked it was empty and stepped back beside her.

'Are you okay?' He took her arm and led her to a bench surrounded by a hedge. He was taking a chance by stopping but he needed her to concentrate on their surroundings. He motioned for Zahedi to stand watch a short distance away and the other man nodded.

'Just great,' she grimaced, her eyes drilled holes in the ground. 'I should have known better. They've never believed me before so why should now be any different. I should have taken Joker and Jack's advice and gone rogue.'

'I'm glad you didn't,' James watched her head shoot up and her eyes narrow at him. 'If you had I would never have met you.'

'James, this is …'

'Yeah, I get it, this is serious,' he urged her to sit and was a little surprised when she did. 'I understand, Shepard, really,' he sat beside her and wanted to take her hands in his, to show her that he supported her but they were in a public place and it wasn't appropriate. 'You were hoping to come in and have the brass believe you, to get ready for the reapers,' he held up his hand when she went to speak. 'You're right, you should have known better. These pendejo politicians have to put on a show, be seen to be doing the right thing, treating you like a criminal because that's what's expected.'

'But they're wasting valuable time,' she ran her hands through her hair and James wanted to brush aside the piece that fell over her eyes as she dropped her gaze back to the ground.

'They are, but others aren't. You know Hackett and Anderson are out there preparing. You can't tell me you didn't expect this farce when you agreed to surrender. You've been at this a hell of a lot longer than me and I knew it wouldn't be easy.' He ducked his head so he could see her eyes, 'you were working with Cerberus and you blew up a relay.'

'I know, but I thought once they read my reports they might at least give me the benefit of the doubt.' She scoffed, 'it's never happened before so why should it now.' She grinned at him then, 'you going to help me steal the Normandy if I have to?'

'If that's what it takes,' he grinned back, 'but there'd have to be something in it for me,' he waggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed.

'You're some prison guard James Vega.'

'Yeah, but you like me.'

'Careful,' she patted his knee and James felt his face colour, 'your head won't fit through the door at this rate.' He rolled his eyes at her and she chuckled before continuing. 'Speaking of which, we shouldn't be sitting out here in the open.'

'Noticed did you,' James got to his feet and she followed him, her glance traveling to Zahedi who had his back to them.

'Yeah, sorry, little distracted. So far so good.'

'Yeah,' James nodded. 'We've still got a fifteen minute walk so we'll see how we go.' He was about to step away when she grabbed his arm.

'Thanks, James,' she met his eyes, 'you're a good man.'

'You'll have to try harder than that to make me blush, Lo … Shepard.' James desperately hoped she missed his slip as he turned and started walking.

'Now that's a definite challenge,' she was laughing as she stepped up behind him and James was very glad she couldn't see his face.


	14. Chapter 14

**** 14 ****

'You okay, Shepard?'

This was their third visit to the Defence Committee in as many weeks, in between there had been more medicals and psych evaluations. When the doctors had started talking about cutting her open to view her cybernetics she threatened to kill them all. They never mentioned it again. But with every visit Shepard came out more despondent than the time before. James was starting to worry.

'Yeah,' she sighed as they settled in the air car that would take them home. She glanced at James, his worried frown letting her know he didn't believe her. 'Really, I'm okay. Just frustrated and disappointed. I have this feeling that something bad is about to happen.'

'I've had that feeling since I first met you,' James scoffed and she grinned at him. 'Still no more attacks, that's gotta be a good thing.'

'Maybe,' she shrugged, there was no emotion as she watched the Vancouver skyline flash by. 'Or maybe we're just being lulled into a false sense of security.' The unfeeling woman was back and James cursed silently at the thought that the warm caring woman he enjoyed would disappear under the weight of her incarceration.

'So, can we trust the team?' James heard Stokes grunt in the back seat.

'I guess we can trust Stokes,' she chuckled and he was relieved that she hadn't disappeared completely, yet, 'unless he's about to stab me in the back while you're driving.'

'Thanks for the vote of confidence,' Stokes said and they both knew he was rolling his eyes.

'I think Zahedi is okay,' James banked and began their descent. 'Reigler is one of the most dedicated marines I've met in a long time and his N3 classification kinda makes him genuine. Thought it might have been Buckner but he seems to be okay.'

'You mean other than trying to impress me with his tales of bravado,' Shepard groaned and James scowled.

James had been sure Buckner might have been responsible but he'd been just as intent on watching Shepard's back as everyone else. Maybe it was just a personal dislike on James' part. He still didn't like the way the man watched Shepard, as if she was meat on show. James hated the way he flirted with her, not seeming to get the message that Shepard wasn't impressed. Shepard seemed to enjoy it when James flirted with her, they had developed a comfortable rapport and he couldn't deny he was happy about that. It had certainly given him more to dream about. He'd caught Buckner watching them a few times and there was obvious dislike on the man's face. Maybe he was jealous, thought he stood a chance with Shepard and that only annoyed James further. If he didn't consider himself worthy why should Buckner.

'Reigler and Buckner were both posted by Hackett so if one of them is a mole he's not going to be happy.' Shepard shook her head, 'there has to be something we're missing.'

'I had Stokes check out all the surveillance since we arrived and nothing showed up.' James lined them up with the rooftop landing pad.

'Nothing except Buckner making honey eyes at the Commander,' Stokes laughed from behind.

'Yeah, it's really …'

The world lurched sideways. Everything happened so fast it took James a second to catch up, the pounding in his head and the spinning vision didn't help. Alarms were ringing, lights were flashing, their car was falling, and there was no way it would fall on the roof of their building. He flicked a glance at Shepard, she was limp in the seat and her head bounced around loosely. The impact had been on her side and she'd been leaning against the door. _Fuck!_ He fought to control their fall and realised they were headed straight for the main thoroughfare outside HQ. An uncontrolled crash would injure a lot of people.

The other vehicle was coming at them again aiming to push them down and James struggled with the controls, finally managing to get some kind of forward movement from the damaged car. He sent them plummeting down but banked them away from buildings and towards the docks. He'd obviously taken the other car by surprise as it took them a few minutes to change direction.

'Stokes,' James growled as he turned them upwards to avoid a building, shaking his head to try and clear his hearing, 'you alive back there?'

'No,' a groan sounded and James felt movement. 'What the fuck happened?'

'We've got company,' the car tilted as he wormed his way between two multi storey housing complexes.

'No shit,' Stokes sounded more alert and James breathed a sigh of relief.

'Can you check on Shepard, she's not moving.' He cursed as a shadow loomed above them. 'Hang on!' James hit the brakes and took a sharp left turn.

'Fuck!' James shifted as a booted foot flew between the seats. 'Where'd you learn to drive?' Stokes grabbed the back of his seat and pulled himself forward.

'Never had lessons,' James grinned even though his heart was pounding in his ears as they sped out of the shadows and into the open. He was only slightly familiar with this part of town so he was literally following his nose and hoping he was heading in the right direction. They were an easy target but his destination came into view. 'How is she?'

'Alive,' Stokes gently moved Shepard's head, 'she has a nasty gash on her head though.'

James dropped them almost to ground level and picked up speed. The landscape was a blur but it wasn't enough. Once again they fell into shadow. Stokes was busy on his omnitool as James deftly avoided trees and lampposts. He was regretting taking them through the parklands but it was the quickest way across.

'Eat that!' Stokes leaned forward and peered through the windscreen.

James almost laughed as the pursuing car flipped and was suddenly heading for the ground. Stokes was chuckling and James shook his head.

'What did you do?'

'Something I learned when I was running from the police,' Stokes shrugged. 'These cars run on one of four set frequencies and if you know them you can do amazing things.'

'Let's hope they don't know that,' James grimaced as he swung the car into a hangar and they finally stopped. 'Take care of Shepard while I get us some back up.'

Stokes hurriedly climbed from their damaged vehicle but the passenger side was so badly mangled he couldn't budge the door. James closed his omnitool and moved to help, hoping his message got through. Between them they managed to lift it high enough to slide Shepard underneath. He settled her against the car and grabbed the small pouch of medigel from his pocket. He'd taken to carrying extra ammo and medigel whenever they went out. He quickly applied it to Shepard's wound and checked her for any broken bones. She seemed intact but she still hadn't woken. He was really concerned now. She couldn't die, he'd never forgive himself if she did, and not just because the galaxy needed her. He realised he needed her and he'd never needed anyone before. There was just something right about having her in his life.

Dirt and flecks of concrete hit him across the back and he instinctively curled himself around Shepard. Stokes dived down on her other side as gunshots rang around the hangar. James quickly took in their surroundings, picked up Shepard and ran, Stokes on his heels. He was almost to the stack of crates that offered better protection when Stokes hit him in the back. James just managed to keep his footing and slid behind the barrier that would hopefully allow them to catch their breath. Stokes stumbled in behind him.

'Fuck!' The young marine groaned in pain.

'You okay?' James gently placed Shepard on the ground, turned to look at him and saw blood seeping into his trousers. 'Shit, let me see.'

'Hang on,' Stokes manoeuvred himself to the edge of the crates and peered around the corner. 'Clear for now, I'll keep watch while you do it.'

James nodded and grinned, Stokes was doing all right considering it was probably his first real firefight. Pulling his blade he slit the younger man's trousers and was relieved to find it was a straight through shot of the thigh and hadn't hit anything major. He applied medigel and tapped Stokes leg.

'You'll be okay, bullet went straight through.' James shifted positions with him, 'you'll have a scar though.'

'Nice!' Stokes was grinning like a kid just given the keys to the chocolate factory. 'What,' he was still grinning when James looked at him strangely, 'first one and I got it defending Shepard.'

James chuckled and shook his head. Shots pelted the crates and he knew they weren't safe yet. He took a quick look around the crate before pulling his head back. Shots peppered the area and he flinched.

'I count four,' he checked his pistol and really longed for his shotgun or assault rifle and armour. 'I think they're trying to keep us pinned down while they wait for reinforcements.' He looked across the hangar to the gangway and the ship beyond. 'We need to get to the Normandy.'

'Holy shit,' Stokes whispered, his eyes wide as he looked at the sleek shape sitting some distance away.

'Can you stand?' James looked out at the collection of crates that littered the hangar, there were a lot of gaps between them. If Shepard was on her feet it would be easy but … he'd just have to make it work and hope he didn't fail them all. He forced down the niggling voice that told him he'd let people down before.

'I think so,' Stokes nodded and pushed to his feet. He grimaced but stayed upright.

'Head for that stack of crates,' James pointed behind them, it should be a reasonably protected run to that point, after that … well he'd work that out when they got there. 'I'll cover you, go.'

James sucked in a breath before quickly leaning out and managing to hit his target. He allowed himself a moment of pleasure as the man screamed in pain. Leaning further he shot a wide arc across the area to keep them pinned down. Shots behind him let him know Stokes had made it. In one movement he scooped up Shepard and ran.

They worked their way across the hangar slowly but more men had arrived to stop them. They were almost to the Normandy gangway when a rocket took out the pile of crates they were heading for. James cursed as he looked for a safe spot to stop when the sound of a shuttle entering the hangar made him cringe. He turned to find an Alliance shuttle hovering between them and their attackers.

'Get in!'

James didn't have to be told twice. With Stokes beside him he took a running leap and together they crashed onto the floor of the craft. James made sure he cradled Shepard's head, in fact he cradled all of her like she was precious cargo. To him she was. He settled her carefully on his lap as the shuttle lifted off, lightly brushing a lock of hair from her face. She was beautiful, especially so when she was relaxed. There was no tightness around the eyes or tension in her jaw and he loved seeing her that way.

'You okay back there Mr Vega?'

'Esteban?' James looked up in surprise.

'The one and only,' Steve chuckled, 'hang on, it's about to get noisy.'

James was about to speak when the shuttle shuddered and the sound of large guns firing made him jump.

'What the hell?' Stokes grabbed the handrail and dropped into a seat.

'Rescue courtesy of the Normandy,' Steve explained as they left the hangar. 'Anderson let us know you were in trouble and asked for guards to help. Joker assured us he could take them down with the Normandy's guns but not while you were still in there. Guess he's as good as he says he is.'

'Thank god for that,' James sighed and leaned back against the seat. 'We need to get Shepard medical attention.'

'Already on it.'

The shuttle landed with a soft thud and James looked up as the pilot stepped towards him and opened the hatch. James scrambled to his feet, still gently holding Shepard.

'What are you doing here, Steve?' James frowned at him then looked around in surprise as he realised they were on board the Normandy.

'I was bringing the shuttle over and coming to help with the refit. Joker asked me to stop in and pick you guys up.' He helped Stokes to his feet and indicated for James to go first. 'You're lucky, this time tomorrow and Dr Chakwas would be gone.' He led them to the elevator and hit the button for the crew deck.

James followed him across the crew deck and into medbay where a grey haired, very striking woman was waiting. James recalled seeing her when they'd come to collect Shepard.

'Lieutenant, over here,' she indicated a bed for him to lay Shepard on.

'I'm Steve Cortez,' he introduced himself to Stokes as he helped him onto a bed. 'Doc will be right with you.'

'No hurry, Shepard is more important.' Stokes was busy looking around and Steve chuckled.

'What the fuck happened!' The voice belonged to the man with the cap and James flinched as he realised who had just stormed into the medbay, his two minders rushing to catch up.

'Joker,' Dr Chakwas cautioned, 'the lieutenant did everything he could to take care of Shepard, it's not his fault.'

'He's supposed to be looking out for her, not getting her killed.' The worry in his voice matched the worry in James' heart.

'Hey,' James placed his hand gently on Joker's arm, 'she's alive.' Brown eyes met green and held each other prisoner for a moment before Joker nodded and looked to where Shepard lay.

'What happened?' He moved to the end of the bed and James followed.

'Someone tried to take us out in an air car.' James watched the doctor work. 'They nearly succeeded. Thanks for the save by the way.'

'Didn't do it for you,' Joker left no doubt that he had no respect for James.

Anger rose and James opened his mouth to speak but Shepard moaned and stirred. Relief washed over him as she opened her eyes and looked around groggily.

'Take it easy, Shepard,' Chakwas spoke softly and placed a hand on her shoulder. 'You've got a nasty gash and probably concussion.'

'What …' her eyes widened as she suddenly remembered. 'James?' She went to sit up but Chakwas pushed her down.

'I'm here, Shepard,' James moved to where she could see him as Chakwas moved to tend to Stokes. 'I'm fine.' He gave a half smile as she sighed and relaxed into the bed. 'Stokes took a bullet but he's happy,' she gave him a puzzled frown, 'he got it saving you and will have the scar to prove it.'

She shook her head then moaned in pain but still lifted it to look over at Stokes, 'how are you doing Stokes?'

'Just fine, ma'am,' he laughed then winced as Chakwas checked his wound.

'You're in good hands,' she turned to James, 'how did we end up on the Normandy.'

'It was the closest safest place,' he shrugged and glanced up to find Joker glaring at him. 'I was just hoping they'd let us on board.'

'Smart thinking,' she reached for his hand and held it gently, 'thank you.' She chuckled, 'I seem to be thanking you a lot lately.'

'All part of the job, Shepard,' James grinned at her.

'I'd like to read your job description,' she was fighting to stay awake. 'Joker,' she reached for his hand, 'meet James.' She placed their hands together above her, 'play nice. He's a good guy.' With that she closed her eyes.

'Doc, is she supposed to be going to sleep?' James looked worriedly at the woman between him and Joker.

'Her vitals are good but I'll keep a check on her for a while.' Chakwas checked the monitors before completing her work on Stokes' leg. 'There you go, Stokes, all done but you'll need to take it easy for a few days.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Stokes smiled at her and she nodded. 'Thank you.'

'All part of my job,' she threw a smile towards James, 'although I didn't expect to be treating Shepard on Earth.'

'Makes two of us,' James muttered and watched Shepard sleep.

'You have one job,' Joker folded his arms across his chest and even though James knew he wasn't a soldier there was still strength in his stance and voice. 'You need to keep her alive. We need her.'

'I know that,' James wasn't about to back down. 'I think I managed that today.'

'Not without help,' Joker scoffed.

'What's your problem?' James frowned at him and Joker glared right back before sighing and relaxing his stance.

'It's just …' He seemed to be having trouble finding the right words but James guessed at what it was.

'You're not the one watching her back.' James was surprised when the pilot chuckled. 'You're used to being there, pulling her ass out of the fire, literally I from what I've read.'

'Yeah, it's hard to let go, to not be around to help.' Joker held out his hand and James took it gently. 'I'm sorry, it was nothing personal.'

'I get it,' James nodded.

'Lt, I think we have a problem,' Stokes was busy on his omnitool and James turned towards him. 'I found our mole.' He looked up, glancing from Joker to James and back again. 'It's Shepard.'


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, there's a Project Overlord reference in this chapter for those who haven't played it.

**** 15 ****

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Joker stormed towards Stokes who backed up on the bed. It didn't matter that the pilot couldn't hurt him physically, the anger on his face was enough to make anyone fear him. James was coming to realise why Shepard trusted and respected him. 'There is no way Shepard would work for Cerberus, she told TIM where to go, took his best ship and his top operatives with her.'

'Not … she's …' Stokes stuttered as he pushed himself into the pillows.

'Hang on,' James moved quickly and put his hand on Joker's arm. The pilot glared at him but kept quiet. 'Let him explain.'

'I'd like to hear that too,' Anderson spoke from the doorway, 'before you explain though should we be worried about anyone overhearing us?'

Stokes shrugged, 'it's hard to say,' he brought up his omnitool again but the look of confusion on his face made James worry. 'What the …?'

'What is it, Stokes?' James sounded calmer than he felt. His heart was racing at the thought that Shepard may have been lying, that she was still a Cerberus lackey. He was afraid that he had been right about her in the beginning, that she wasn't the warm, caring person he saw.

'It's gone,' he was working frantically on his omnitool. 'It was here but now it's not.'

'Stokes,' James rested his hand gently on his leg and the younger man raised worried eyes towards him. 'Start at the beginning.'

Stokes nodded and took a deep breath, 'when I was overriding the car outside I noticed a signal but didn't have the time to worry about it, we had other things to deal with. I've seen it before, back at the unit, it's popped up a few times on my scans. I didn't think much of it, maybe it was just an electrical glitch, it happens sometimes and there was no pattern to it.' He sat up straighter in the bed, 'I thought it was strange that it was in the car so I checked again now that things were quiet and it was in here too. It was coming from Shepard.'

'How can …?' James didn't get a chance to finish.

'EDI, we need all signals leaving this room traced and blocked,' Chakwas was talking to the ceiling and James was worried she'd cracked under the stress.

'Done, Doctor Chakwas,' the ceiling answered back in what was the sexiest voice James had ever heard from a VI, 'and Sargent Stokes is correct, there was a signal transmitting from Shepard. I detected it when she was brought aboard.'

'Have you detected it before?' Chakwas was still conversing with nothing.

'No, if this is a Cerberus signal it has only recently been activated.'

James was confused. Anderson looked concerned but Joker simply looked resigned. Stokes was staring at the ceiling in open-mouthed wonder.

'You have an AI on board,' Stokes looked at Joker for confirmation. When Joker nodded James thought Stokes was about to jump on the bed with glee. 'Awesome!' At least he was having a good day.

'What the hell are you doing with an AI on board?' Anderson looked from Joker to Chakwas.

'Cerberus built her into the ship,' Joker shrugged, 'there was no way we could remove her but she's part of the crew now. She saved our lives more times than I care to admit.'

'I assure you, Admiral Anderson,' the ceiling spoke and Anderson instinctively looked up, 'I could no more harm the Normandy or my crew than you could.'

'I guess I have no choice but to trust you,' Anderson scowled at Joker, 'I just wish someone had told me.'

'That was my fault,' Shepard spoke softly and everyone turned towards her. 'I asked EDI to pretend to be a VI so you didn't try and remove or disable her. We need her.'

'Shepard,' Anderson said with a relieved sigh and James watched as he walked over and took her hand. James felt a hint of something he wasn't going to admit to tightening his guts. 'I'm glad you're okay.'

'Thank James,' she waved in his general direction as her eyes closed and she dropped back into sleep.

'I'm sure she knows when we need her,' Joker chuckled.

Chakwas moved to check her vitals, 'she'll be fine, David,' she gave him a reassuring smile. 'She has concussion and may be in and out of consciousness for a few hours yet, it was a severe blow to the head. She will need some time to recover fully though.'

Anderson nodded and turned back to Stokes, 'now, about this signal.'

Stokes was busy on his omnitool, 'I have the frequency but I'm not sure where it's actually coming from.'

'It is coming from Shepard's optical implant,' EDI informed them.

'But Miranda assured us there were no traceable signals,' Joker argued.

'She was Cerberus,' Anderson reminded him, 'she could have been lying.'

'No, she wasn't,' Chakwas spoke up. 'She gave me a complete list of Shepard's implants and their functions. I checked and double-checked everything. If there is something here now Miranda didn't know about it.'

'So what are we dealing with?' James looked from Stokes to the ceiling and back to Stokes. 'Is this a visual thing, can whoever is controlling it see what we're doing?'

'I'm an idiot,' Stokes cursed as he hurriedly punched in code on his omnitool but a frown creased his brow as what he did appeared not to work.

'Try this,' EDI spoke to him and Stokes beamed as code flashed across his screen.

His smile soon turned to concern, 'um, where did this come from?' He glanced at the ceiling.

'What's going on Stokes?' James was sure he would be grey by the time this mission finished.

'Project Overlord,' EDI said softly. Joker and Chakwas both gasped.

'Isn't that the mission where that kid was connected to the geth and got into Shepard's head?' James looked to Joker who nodded. 'I thought that place was destroyed and the kid sent to Grissom.'

'That is partially correct,' EDI sounded like she was apologising. 'The data was sent to the Illusive Man by Dr Archer before David was released. It is highly probable that Cerberus scientists have been able to use David's breach of Shepard's optical implants.'

'Fuck!' Joker dropped into a chair, removed his cap and ran his hands through his hair. 'She was afraid of this.'

'Okay,' James was trying to get his head around exactly what was happening. 'Stokes, you still haven't answered my question.'

'Sorry, sir,' Stokes did something on his omnitool and everyone's omnitools came to life. 'I never thought to look for a video signal; I just assumed it was sound.'

James looked at the image on his screen. It was an image of them in the air car before the crash. Their conversation was clearly recorded but the visuals were a series of grids with ghost images representing him and Stokes. The image went dark the instant Shepard blacked out.

'Why now?' James looked to Anderson. 'What does the Illusive Man hope to gain? Shepard is locked up, she's not a threat to him.'

Joker scoffed as he replaced his cap, 'you really think Shepard's locked up. You know you couldn't really stop her if she wanted to escape.'

'I know that, I'm not stupid,' James scowled at him and Joker's eyebrows disappeared into shadow as they lifted in surprise.

'Maybe he just wants his investment back,' Joker shrugged. 'He put a lot of money into Shepard and this ship.'

'No,' James shook his head and stared at the floor deep in thought. 'There's something else going on here.'

'If the Defence Council finds out about this there is no way they will believe anything she says,' Anderson pointed out. 'Maybe that's what he's after, discrediting her so they lock her away for life.'

'Maybe,' James agreed but something was still nagging at him and it was just out of his reach. 'I suppose it could look like Cerberus was trying to rescue her and not kill her.' He looked at everyone in turn, 'but why?'

'Right now the why doesn't matter,' Anderson sighed, James could see the worry on his face as he paced slowly and James was reminded of Shepard. 'We need to know if we can stop them from using this ability.'

'It is possible to block the signal but Shepard would have to wear an omnitool or be in constant close proximity to someone who was.' EDI suggested.

'We could set up a barrier around the unit so it's only a problem when she has to leave,' Stokes added.

'Can we turn off the implants?' Anderson looked to Chakwas who gaped at him.

'Not without leaving her blind!'

'That might be the only option we have until we sort this out.'

'I'm sorry, David,' Chakwas moved away from Shepard and glared at the admiral. 'I will not do it.'

'I need to let Hackett know what's going on and get someone in here that can if you won't,' Anderson brought up his omnitool. 'We need to get her to a hospital.'

The sound of a cocking pistol echoed around the room.

'I'm sorry, sir, I can't allow you to do that.' James positioned himself between Shepard and Anderson, his pistol drawn but pointed at the floor. He was praying to every deity that he didn't believe in that Anderson wouldn't make him do something he really didn't want to do.

'Whoa!' Joker got to his feet slowly and backed up a few steps.

'Vega?' Steve was unsure which way to go so settled for resting his hand on Stokes' bed.

'Lieutenant?' Anderson eyed him curiously. 'What are you doing?'

'My job, sir,' James tried to ignore the nausea and adrenaline cursing through his system as he kept his eyes locked on Anderson. The pounding of his heart in his ears was possibly a death knell as he made the decision that could see him dead, or at least imprisoned for life.

'James, think about this very carefully,' Anderson lowered his hands, leaving them open and outstretched. 'This is gross insubordination and a court martial offence.'

'I realise that, sir,' the two guards who had come in with Joker stopped moving when his eyes flicked to them. 'But I am doing exactly what you asked me to do, protect my charge. You said it yourself, sir, I am to protect her from all enemies, anyone that might put her in danger or risk her life.' His eyes bored into Andersons, 'right now you fall into two of those categories, sir.'

'I … what …!?' The disbelief on Anderson's face was clear for all to see.

'If you turn off her implants and blind her you leave her defenceless if my team goes down. You also prevent my team from carrying out their duties effectively because we would have to move slowly, be responsible for manoeuvring Shepard through obstacles. You are putting her in danger and placing her life at risk.' James swallowed hard, trying to get some sort of moisture back into his mouth. 'You place her at greater risk by taking her to a hospital where numerous people will have access and not all will be screened. Doing that will also make her location public knowledge making it easier for possible assailants to find her.' He tightened his grip on the pistol and hoped the shaking in his hands wasn't obvious.

'He's right David,' Chakwas said, 'and you know it.' She moved closer to Anderson and rested her hand on his arm, 'I know you're worried about Shepard, it's understandable, but this isn't the way.'

'Damn it!' Anderson dropped into a chair.

The slouch in his shoulders and the exhaustion on his face made James realise that this was affecting him more than he admitted. The idea of Cerberus getting their hands on Shepard again was obviously something Anderson had thought about and worried over. James could understand that. His thoughts were a jumbled mess as he considered the idea that he's just pulled a pistol on someone he considered a friend, not to mention that he was a superior officer.

'Sir,' James holstered his pistol with a silent sigh. 'We can take care of Shepard, let us do our job. Now that we know we can work around it.'

'What did I miss?'

James turned to see Shepard pushing herself up in the bed. Chakwas was quickly at her side. He was pleased to see colour had returned to her face and she was definitely more alert now if the frown on her face was anything to go by. How was he going to explain that he'd pulled a gun on Anderson, he was family. Would she be angry, want him removed? The weight of his decision sat heavily on his shoulders.

'I've found it!' Stokes yelled and everyone looked at him. He blushed and smiled sheepishly but it didn't stop him, 'the location for where the signal is being sent.'

'Nice job,' James grinned at him.

'Yeah, well, while you were …,' he glanced at Shepard as he waved his hand in the air and thought better of continuing, 'anyway, using the logs from the unit, extrapolating the signal, triangulating the …'

'Stokes,' James shook his head, a little amused that Stokes apparently hadn't thought much of him holding a gun on an admiral.

'And with a little help from EDI,' he chuckled, 'I found them.'

James' omnitool popped up. A map appeared with a set of nav points. James had a target, something he could shoot at, but it meant leaving his charge, if he still had one.

'Go, James,' Anderson was on his feet, looking more like the professional soldier James knew him to be. 'Shepard is safe here.' He chuckled when James cocked his head at him. 'You made your point.'

'Sorry about that, sir, I understand if you need to take steps.' James stood to attention and waited for the dressing down he so clearly deserved.

'You were just doing your job,' Anderson placed his hand on James' shoulder, 'this is why I picked you, James, why I trust you. I'm sorry for putting you in that position, I guess I let my emotions get the better of me.'

James visibly relaxed and with a nod turned towards the door. Stokes started to get out of bed but Chakwas stopped him and he looked to James pleadingly.

'Stay here Stokes,' James glanced around the room, 'keep an eye on things for me and work out whatever we need to do just in case.'

'Yes, sir,' Stokes sat up straighter.

'Admiral,' Steve moved to follow James, 'permission to take Lieutenant Vega's team where they need to go.'

Anderson did little more than wave and they were almost at the door when Joker called out.

'You'll have to go out the back door, I kinda destroyed the front one,' a grin broke his face as everyone turned to look at him.

'That's an understatement,' Anderson let out an exasperated sigh.

'What,' he shrugged, 'I only used the small guns at minimum power and EDI has fine control, thought the thannix cannon might have been overkill. Still made a mess of the hangar though.'

James was chuckling as Steve slapped him on the shoulder and they headed for the shuttle bay. Joker impressed him and he was beginning to like the outspoken pilot, he had a feeling they could be friends under different circumstances. Maybe there was still a chance. He felt like he was being allowed into the inner sanctum of the Normandy legend as they rode the elevator down. It felt good and his one hope was that when this mission was over Shepard would see his worth and invite him onto her ship. He pulled his thoughts into focus as he ran through a plan in his head. Now he had a chance to deal with a situation and display his skills and he took that very seriously. He wasn't going to fail.


	16. Chapter 16

**** 16 ****

It felt good to be back in armour, to have a weapon in his hands. Yet there was trepidation as well. Nerves played havoc with his stomach as James crouched beside a wall, concerned that it might come down on him and his team but the wall didn't cause the nerves. He was back in the field and in control of a team. Memories of Fehl Prime worked their way forward as James fought down the bile in his throat and worked his jaw to rid his mouth of its dryness. He couldn't afford to let his fear show so he sucked in a breath and scanned their position.

The nav point had led them to a derelict collection of small warehouses that had definitely seen better days. Crumbled walls, piles of bricks and rubble were all signs that this area had been forgotten, ignored, left to rot and die in an eerie silence. It was a place left to the homeless and lost and he would have expected to find people living among the ruins, using what little shelter they offered. The people forgotten just like the buildings. The Cerberus presence here had obviously driven others away.

'Hey Vega,' James almost jumped as Joker spoke into his ear, 'EDI's been monitoring traffic and it seems like you've found a Cerberus nest.'

James glanced down as his omnitool flashed to life, 'damn,' he cursed softly as his team leant in for a look. 'Thanks Joker.'

Vega looked down at the collection of dots on his screen. He glanced up to see his team looking at him strangely and he realised they could only hear him so it would appear that he was talking to himself. With a chuckle he opened up the coms. 'How's Shepard?'

'Okay,' James could almost see Joker grinning as he continued, 'she been chuckling and smiling since Anderson told her you pulled a gun on him.'

'You what?' Buckner looked at him in surprise.

'She told Anderson he should give you a medal, you know, for going above and beyond.' Joker laughed and James could feel his face flushing, 'I think you impressed her.'

'Wasn't why I did it,' James grimaced.

'Oh yeah, EDI said to tell you there is a rotating frequency jammer around the building you'll be breaching so coms might go down. Also, Anderson said if you need back up to let him know.'

'Thanks, Joker, and thank EDI for me,' James heard the click indicating Joker was gone. 'Right,' he leant forward so everyone could see his screen. 'We've got more than we bargained for,' he pointed to the building to their left. 'We've got six tangos outside and possibly ten, maybe more, inside according to the scan.' He glanced around at the crumbling buildings, 'Reigler, you're our sniper, think you can get elevation without killing yourself.'

'No problem,' he eyed off the structures and pointed to one opposite the one they were about to enter, 'should give me a good vantage point.'

'Buckner, you flank to the south, Zahedi and I will take the north. We have the element of surprise here so let's not lose it. Watch your footing and don't lean on any walls,' he raised his eyes to the wall leaning alongside them. 'I wouldn't trust anything in this place.'

'What, you don't think it adds atmosphere?' Buckner chuckled and James glared at him.

'Quick and quiet,' James turned to move out, 'let's not alert those inside if we can help it. One, two,' he pointed at Reigler and Buckner in turn and they both nodded. 'Let's do this.'

They were on the move. James headed quickly but carefully towards their objective with Zahedi on his heels. Adrenaline was pumping through him and he relished it. He'd forgotten the rush that came with action and how addictive it could be. Guilt gnawed at him. He shouldn't feel excited, eager, it was wrong to feel something good when he'd let so many people down. He growled softly as he pushed aside the voice that told him he was going to fail.

_I can do this_. It became a mantra. _I'm a good soldier, I can do this._ One bad experience wasn't going to rule his life. Shepard dealt with bad experiences, missions gone wrong. So could he. _I can do this_.

He stopped at the corner of the building and took a quick look around the corner. _Shit!_ A Cerberus soldier was coming towards them, obviously patrolling. He motioned to Zahedi who nodded and moved so he was closer to the corner. The soldier approached and moved to turn the corner but Zahedi trapped him in stasis before his surprise would make him cry out. James was ready. The stasis field dropped, he caught the soldier as he stumbled forward and drove his knife into the unarmoured neck. Zahedi quietly dragged the soldier into the shadows of a doorway as James glanced around the corner.

There were only four soldiers visible. That meant one either had gone inside or was patrolling towards Buckner. As if on cue two clicks sounded in James' ear. He debated letting Buckner know but he trusted the marine to do his job, he was one of Hackett's best and that meant something.

A single click let James know they were ready. Another quick glance around the corner, a tap on Zahedi's shoulder and James crouched and ran. A pile of rubble was their only cover and he hoped it was enough. He kept himself as low as possible as Zahedi stopped alongside him and they peeked over their meagre protection. Another soldier had disappeared and James cursed silently.

James nodded at Zahedi who leant up and threw a stasis bubble around the soldiers. Two were caught in full stasis, the third was struggling to move but was quickly stilled by a bullet from Reigler. In a flash James approached and saw Buckner doing the same from the other side. The bubble dissipated with no time for the soldiers to recover before James and Buckner snapped their necks, continuing their movement so they came to rest either side of the doorway. Bruckner indicated one down behind him.

James did a ten count and quickly glanced around the corner. It appeared clear so he indicated to Buckner to go in first. They slowly worked their way into the building, hiding in shadows. The place seemed empty and James was starting to worry they'd lost their prey.

'Second floor, south east corner.'

James nodded even though he knew Reigler couldn't see it. The second floor, they must have a death wish. He looked up at the ceiling, there was a good chance those missing floorboards indicated rotten wood. The thought of plummeting through it made him shiver as he led them carefully up old, broken stairs. Strangely enough they didn't creak and he was eternally grateful.

The first floor was empty. The second floor was much lighter but fewer shadows meant fewer hiding places. James was amazed to see a shuttle sitting at the other end of the building. The roof was missing, broken, cracked beams pointing at the sky, accusing fingers blaming the heavens for their downfall, and there was a very large hole in the floor between them and the shuttle. How the whole thing hadn't collapsed under the weight was a question for another time.

As they rounded the top of the stairs a semi intact wall provided a vantage point and hiding spot. James counted ten, there was one missing. Six seated, apparently eating, two standing by the window discussing something on a datapad, one at a desk working on a terminal and one heading for what appeared to be a bathroom. No-one was wearing helmets and their weapons were on a bench, they were complacent and that was an advantage.

'On three,' James whispered, 'Reigler you've got the two by the window, Zahedi we've got the table, Buckner you've got the one in the bathroom. We've got a stray so stay alert.' James focused his thoughts, drew in a breath and counted down.

Everything happened fast after that. There was no time to think only to act. James and Zahedi used carnage and warp to create mayhem, which Buckner then followed with a grenade on his way to the bathroom. It was over in minutes. The two by the window went down at the same time and James allowed a moment to be impressed, two with one shot. He knew Reigler was good but damn! The soldier by the desk was too slow and James took him down as he was turning to face them. The one in the bathroom met Buckner's blade as he rushed out the door. The whistle of a bullet past his ear made him spin just in time to see a soldier falling towards him with a knife raisedm a clean shot right between the eyes, James had to sidestep to avoid him. He was hidden in the shadows around the corner from where they entered. He owed Reigler a beer.

James stood amid the torn, bloody bodies and looked around in awe. They'd been quick, quiet and effective. None of his team had died. In fact, no-one had so much as a scratch. He looked at Zahedi and Buckner who were both grinning. There was just something very right about a mission going to plan and the enemy going down. He did it. He led his team to success and it felt good. Buckner clapped him on the shoulder as James moved past him towards the desk.

'Okay, let's see what we've got,' James looked at the terminal but it was a foreign language to him. The paper map on the desk though was a different story. He grimaced as he looked at it. 'Damn,' he opened up his omnitool.

'James,' Anderson was quick to respond, 'can I assume your mission was a success?'

'Yes, sir, but I'm looking at a map that shows three other possible Cerberus nests.' He sent the nav points through. 'I've also got a terminal with information that might be useful but I don't have a tech.'

'Bring it back with you and we'll work on it.' Anderson said as he fiddled with something off screen. 'I'll get teams on to the other nests. Come on home, James and tell your team they did well.'

'Roger that, sir,' James grinned and turned as Reigler came up the stairs, 'on our way.'

James took a last look around but it was as he glanced out the window he realised why Cerberus had chosen this particular spot. He looked directly across the crumbling structures outside and straight at the building where they were staying. Looking again at the map he realised that the other two sites would also have line of sight. Did they need that to make the link work? It was something to pass on.

Cortez was bringing in the shuttle as they headed back outside and Buckner nudged James playfully as they waited.

'So, pulled a gun on an admiral,' he chuckled as James frowned at him. 'Care to explain that.'

'I'm sure he had good reasons,' Reigler tucked away his rifle with a nod to James.

'He was just doing his job, I'm sure,' Zahedi's white teeth flashed as he smiled.

James was shaking his head as he jumped aboard the shuttle, 'not my finest moment.'

They all laughed at his discomfort and for the first time since meeting the others he truly felt like they were a team. There was comfort in that and the nagging voice in his head became an aggravated whisper. He settled in his seat and dropped his head back against the bulkhead. For the first time in a long time he allowed himself to truly relax, to forgive himself for past mistakes and to think about future possibilities. A new hope arose that maybe everything he'd dreamed of could still happen. And he was heading back to Shepard with a success under his belt. Life was good. Life was very good.

* * *

Returning to the Normandy after dropping his team off felt like coming home, Anderson certainly boosted his morale by praising him further. He handed over the terminal to Stokes whom Anderson was more than happy to let work on it and forward any data to him. But the highlight of his day was the beaming smile he got from Shepard when he entered the medbay. Her eyes were alight with life and the respect he saw in them made him want to puff up his chest and flex his shoulders. He didn't though, she deserved more than him waving his feathers like a peacock.

Two hours later James' happiness had turned to concern. Since leaving the medbay Shepard had kept her head down and her eyes on the floor. When they reached their apartment she went straight to her bedroom and closed the door. James checked the surveillance to find her sitting cross-legged on the bed with her head bowed.

'She does know the frequency is being blocked, doesn't she?' James looked at Stokes who nodded, the concern obvious on his face. James thought it was an ingenious idea to put a chip in a necklace that monitored frequencies and blocked any outgoing signals.

'Yeah,' Stokes thought for a moment, 'maybe it has something to do with what Joker said, about her being afraid this might happen.'

James looked back at the screen. Stooped shoulders, bowed head and an aura of sadness permeated the image before him. This had affected her more than she let on. He remembered back to the doctor's visit and how she'd reacted to the images of the tech in her body.

'Maybe you should go make sure she's okay, LT.'

With a nod James headed for the kitchen. Minutes later he entered Shepard's room with two coffees in hand. He stopped by the bed but she didn't look up. He knew she wasn't asleep because her fingers were clenching and unclenching.

'Hey, Shepard,' he spoke softly, 'I thought you might like a coffee, you know, some good stuff, not like the crap on the Normandy.' He expected her to bite, to come to the defence of her ship, but there was nothing.

He placed the two cups on the bedside table and sat on the bed. Sitting cross-legged wasn't comfortable for him so he folded one leg under him and left the other hanging over the edge of the bed. He leant on his arm and lowered his head so he could see her face.

'Shepard,' he gently took her cold hands in his free one, 'talk to me.'

'About what?' She scoffed but at least it was a reaction. 'About how I'm a freak who can't even control what my own eyes see.'

'If you want to, yeah, I'm listening.'

She shook her head with a laugh that held no warmth or humour, 'what good will it do, there's nothing you can do to fix this.'

'Right now it's fixed, as long as you wear that necklace Cerberus can't reach you.' He hoped she'd look up at him but she kept her head down. 'Shepard,' he placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head tenderly. 'Please open your eyes.'

He almost gasped when she did. Her beautiful brown eyes met his but all he could see was pain. He wanted to reach out and pull her into the safety of his arms, to bury her head into his neck and tell her that everything was all right. But it wasn't and false platitudes were not what she needed.

'You know everyone's working on this,' he swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked away the burning in his eyes without dropping his gaze from hers. 'You can't let this get the better of you, you can't let Cerberus win.' He saw the change, the moment she went from self-deprecating to realising the truth of his words, the moment she pulled herself together. 'You know I'm ... we're here to protect you, to keep you safe.'

'Even if that means pulling a gun on an admiral,' she tilted her head and smirked at him and relief washed over him.

'If I have too,' he grinned.

His hand still sat under her chin and their eyes remained locked together. She looked at him for a moment longer then without breaking her stare she gently took his hand from under her chin dropped her hand to her knee and held his hand in hers.

'It scared the living crap out of me when David took over my sight,' she sighed and glanced over his shoulder to the world outside. 'It was like I was blinded to everything but what he wanted me to see. It wasn't until after that I realised that he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was just reaching out, crying out for help. He was trapped inside his own mind with no escape and the pain he must have felt from what his brother did to him.' She stopped and closed her eyes but James wasn't concerned this time. 'It was sickening what he did, treating his own brother who relied on him for protection like a science project.'

'But you saved him,' James felt her fingers interlock with his and it felt right, natural. He wondered if this was another case of her not realising what she was doing.

'Yes I did,' she glanced down at their joined hands and James knew then that she was fully aware of how they were connected. 'That was one of the best moments of my life when we pulled David out of that monstrosity and took him to safety. As I held him in my arms and he cried his thanks I truly felt like I'd achieved something good.'

'I'm sure you've had other moments like that.'

'Yes, but none that mattered as much.' She sighed and released his hand. 'I should have expected Cerberus to use what they discovered, I guess I'm just angry at myself for not thinking about it.' She paused for a moment, then, 'thanks James,' she chuckled, 'I seem to be thanking you a lot lately.'

'Just doing my job,' he shrugged and smirked.

'According to Anderson you're doing it too well,' she laughed at his grimace. 'You know he's proud of you, right.'

'Really?'

'Yep, kept complaining he'd created a monster, all while he was smiling and chuckling,' she ran her eyes over his face and James felt his cheeks warming. 'I like how you do your job,' she said softly as her eyes met his and held for moment before she dropped her head, but he didn't miss the colour in her cheeks.

He'd never thought of Shepard as shy or unsure and it sent a shiver up his spine at the idea the he could arouse that in her. These moments they shared had become special to him and he wondered if she felt the same. He watched as she closed her eyes and rolled her neck, grimacing in pain as she stopped halfway.

'I think you should get some rest,' he slid off the bed and he was sure he saw disappointment flash across her face as she watched him stand, but it could have been wishful thinking. 'Chakwas will kill me if I don't take care of you.'

'She can be a hard taskmaster,' Shepard chuckled but didn't fight when James pulled back the covers on the bed.

'I'd hate to get on her bad side,' he picked up his coffee as she took a sip of hers and smiled.

'Don't worry, I'll make sure she knows you looked after me properly.' She lay down and closed her eyes. James was almost to the door when she called out softly, 'James, you're good people, I like good people.'

She visibly relaxed into the pillow and James wondered if she'd remember that when she woke up. It didn't matter; he'd never forget it because Shepard had just told him she liked him. He was smiling as he left the room. Shepard liked him and that felt amazing. Today had turned out to be a good day. A surprisingly good day.


	17. Chapter 17

**** 17 ****

The shower felt good. James lingered a little longer than usual, letting the hot water wash away the rigours of the day. Fear, anger, pain and self-doubt swirled around the drain and disappeared with the soapsuds. He'd accomplished something today, he'd discovered that the soldier within still existed. Relief settled on his shoulders like a warm cloak and he welcomed it.

As he dried himself off and slipped into a pair of sweatpants he allowed himself a soft smile. He'd also been there for Shepard today, as a man, as a friend and he liked to think she appreciated it. There had been respect in her eyes and he hoped she could see the reliability and trust she would get from him. His future might hinge on what she saw. The beep of his omnitool dragged him out of his thoughts and he opened up the video call.

'Admiral,' James was a little embarrassed at being caught half-dressed and it must have shown.

'Relax, Vega,' Hackett chuckled, 'this isn't an official call, I'm off duty and I'm assuming you are too.'

'Yes, sir,' at least as much as he could be in his current position but the admiral didn't need to know that. 'Is something wrong?'

Hackett took a sip of something that looked like whisky, 'Anderson told me what happened today.'

'Ah, yeah, about that,' James was trying to think of a way to explain his behaviour to the head of the Alliance fifth fleet.

'Nice job,' Hackett laughed at the surprise on James' face. 'Anderson said you were the right man for the job, guess you proved him right.'

'Thank you, sir,' James stuttered.

'How is she?'

'She's dealing,' James heard the concern in the older man's voice. 'Apparently she was afraid of this happening according to Joker but she's angry at herself for not realising.'

'I thought she might be. At least this explains why I couldn't find a mole, obviously Cerberus was passing on information to those they thought might cause problems. We should have been prepared for that.' Hackett sighed and James could only imagine the weight he carried on a daily basis. 'Is she awake?'

'Probably, she hardly ever sleeps,' James chuckled as he moved to the interconnecting door and knocked.

'Yeah,' Shepard called out and James opened the door.

He stopped dead as he took in the sight of Shepard's backside, the firm, round cheeks peeking out from under her sleep shorts as she bent over looking for something on the floor. Her toned thighs were tight as the muscles bunched and held her weight, he was mesmerised as he followed the line of her leg to delicate feet. She had painted toenails. He realised his mouth was open and he was gaping.

'James,' she straightened up and turned towards him.

He swallowed hard as the curve of her breasts popped above the line of her light singlet, the valley between beckoning and the thought of those pert, perfectly formed globes in his hands was enough to make him groan.

'James?'

'Vega?'

He had a sickening feeling that he had groaned aloud as Shepard gave him a puzzled look and Hackett questioned his silence.

'Call for you,' he cleared his throat and handed over his omnitool.

James realised that Shepard was staring at him and he couldn't help but notice how she licked her lips. Her moist, pink lips were deliciously kissable and he was sure she would taste sweet.

'Shepard,' Hackett chuckled as she jumped and focused on the tool. 'Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing.'

James watched as she settled on the bed, her legs folding sensuously underneath her as she curled up against the pillows. The fact he was wearing lose trousers was probably the only thing making his body's reaction less obvious but he knew if he kept looking it wouldn't stay that way for long.

'I'll give you some privacy,' he turned towards the door.

'You don't have to leave, James,' Shepard said and he was almost sure she sounded disappointed.

'I trust you Shepard,' he looked over his shoulder, 'just let me know when you're finished.'

He left the door open as he sat on his bed and ran his hands through his damp hair. _What the hell!_? He'd seen her in her underwear, fuck, she'd been wearing a G-string and it hadn't affected him as much as what he'd just seen. It was unexpected, that had to be it. Unfortunately, or fortunately if he really admitted it, the image etched itself deep into his mind and he didn't think he would ever forget it. He gave in to a moment of pure self indulgence as he thought about it.

'James.'

He looked up to find Shepard standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, a smirk on her face as if she knew exactly what he'd been thinking. Her eyes fell to his chest and colour rose in her face. It surprised him a little. She'd been around half naked men before, she'd told him that.

'Thanks,' she sauntered across the room and held out her hand. It took a moment for James to realise she was holding out his omnitool. 'I appreciate the privacy but it wasn't necessary.'

'You are entitled to calls, even as a prisoner,' he grimaced at the word and she chuckled. He jumped as she ran her finger down his shoulder.

'Nice ink.'

'You have tattoos, Shepard?' He wondered if she noticed the goose bumps that arose at her touch.

'Used, to,' she sighed and dropped her hand, 'before I died and Cerberus rebuilt me. It's probably just as well they're gone, I've made some stupid decisions in the past.'

'Maybe it's time to get some new ones,'

'Maybe.'

James couldn't help but notice her nipples as they poked through the thin fabric of her singlet and he felt her eyes on him. Was it possible he affected her as much as she affected him? He decided to be brave.

'I'm starting to think that you do like what you see, Shepard,' He laughed as he dragged his eyes upward to meet hers.

'I just might,' she smiled at him and turned to leave, 'do you?' She headed for the door, a deliberate swing in her hips, her ass cheeks rolling out beneath her shorts as she walked. She stopped at the door and smirked over her shoulder at him.

_Fuck yeah!_ He flopped back onto the bed as the door closed but he could hear her chuckling as it did. He was having feelings he shouldn't be having, thoughts that could drive him nuts and were highly inappropriate. He knew it and there was nothing he could do about it, he wasn't even sure he wanted to do anything about it.

There had been women in his life, Treeya came to mind but his one relationship with an asari wasn't all he wanted it to be. It felt good but it didn't feel right. Shepard felt right. There was no explaining it, all he knew was that he felt whole around her. No other woman had felt that way, but of all women it had to be Shepard. There was a kind of irony in that considering his feelings when he'd first met her. But, it was exciting, challenging, and he wanted to pursue it and see where it led but Shepard was his prisoner and that couldn't be a good start to a relationship. Could it?

Over the next few days Shepard took it easy and James was glad he hadn't had to fight her on it. She played chess with Zahedi, worked on a project with Stokes and played poker with him and Buckner.

'Maybe we could make this strip poker,' Buckner teased with raised eyebrows as his stash increased.

Shepard simply smiled and James got the feeling she was letting him win. 'Is that your way of saying you want to see me naked?'

'I wouldn't object,' he laughed and James scowled.

'Sorry, Buckner, you're not my type.' She grinned as she dealt another hand.

'So what is your type?' Buckner persisted but James was curious about that too.

'I guess I don't really have one,' she shrugged and threw chips into the centre of the table. 'I go with my gut about what feels right.' She flicked a glance at James who was engrossed in his cards so didn't see it, but Buckner did. 'Besides,' she leaned forward with a wicked grin, 'do you really think you could handle me?'

Buckner leaned in towards her and dropped his voice an octave. 'Oh, I'd give it a damn good try,' and James almost crushed the cards in his hand. 'But,' Buckner shrugged and sat back, 'I think I've already lost this round.'

James stared at him and Buckner chortled at the surprise on his face. Shepard knew he wasn't talking about cards and she shifted uncomfortably, a flush staining her cheeks. James realised he'd missed something and cursed himself for not watching, for trying to hide his jealousy behind the cards in his hand. Buckner's omnitool chirped and he stood to leave.

'Change of shift,' he rolled his neck and stepped away from the table before smirking at Shepard, 'if you change your mind you know where to find me.' And with that he left.

'I think I need some exercise,' Shepard stood and headed for the gym.

James watched her go before gathering up the cards and packing them away. Did he sound like Buckner when he was flirting with her, with any woman? He knew he used flirting to cover his lack of confidence with women, he'd never really known how to talk to women, so he kept things light. Buckner seemed more serious when he did it, as if he expected it to land a woman in his bed. James had never thought that way but now he wondered if that's how he was perceived.

'Shepard,' James walked into the gym to find her jogging on the treadmill. 'Are you supposed to be doing that yet?'

'I'm fine, James.'

'Do I make you uncomfortable when I flirt with you?' He had planned to ask a little more tactfully but his brain hadn't caught up with his mouth it seemed.

'No,' she stepped off the treadmill and looked at him, 'why?'

'It's just …' he sighed and shoved his hands in his pocket.

'This is about Buckner, isn't it,' she smiled but didn't wait for an answer. 'Buckner is brash, over confident and a pain in the ass.' She laughed at his amused snort. 'You're just cute.'

'Cute!' He gaped at her.

'Sure,' she nodded and her laughter surrounded him like a comforting blanket. 'You flirt to cover your insecurity, your lack of confidence. It's endearing,' she placed her hand on his arm, 'it makes you likeable, not a pain in the ass like Buckner.'

'Thanks, I think,' he was frowning as she stepped back onto the treadmill.

'I like your flirting, Vega,' she settled into a slow jog.

James was happy he didn't annoy her but embarrassed that she found him cute. He left her to her exercising as he tried to wrap his head around cute. It wasn't very manly and it was disconcerting to think she didn't see him as a man. Although the way she'd looked at his bare chest days before had certainly made him feel manly enough. He shook his head to clear the confusion, at least he knew she liked his flirting, he could work with that.

* * *

James was livid. He stood at his post inside the door of the Council chamber, two weeks since the last time they were here, his body tense and his anger palpable. How could they do that to her? He glanced at Shepard, she was still standing at attention, the perfect soldier, but the twitch in her fingers gave her away. He could see the tightness in her jaw and as she turned to walk around the desk he saw the pain in her eyes.

It killed him to watch her march forward, to witness the removal of her officer's bars, to hear them relieve her of command and ground her, indefinitely. He wanted to scream and rage at them to pull their heads out of their asses and listen to her. He was tempted to shoot the lot of them out of sheer frustration and to give the human race a chance. But he didn't do any of those things.

Anderson was standing with his fists clenched and James was sure the anger in his eyes would burn a hole through the Council members as he looked at each of them in turn. They didn't seem fazed by the fact that they'd just taken humanities best hope out of the equation. They were over confident, sure in their ability to judge and pass sentence. James wished a Reaper would land on the building right now.

Shepard appeared to handle it but he knew it was just a front. This was going to devastate her. He could feel tears burning his eyes but he forced them down. He would give her the respect she was owed even if these Council pendejos wouldn't. As she turned to leave he snapped to attention. He wasn't the only one. Several of the Alliance personnel who witnessed the trial, officers and enlisted men and women, also stood and snapped to attention. Some of them even saluted.

Shepard nodded at them in thanks. James knew her well enough to recognise that she was only just holding herself together and he moved quickly to lead her from the room. Anderson caught up with them in the foyer where Stokes looked up in surprise as James stormed through the door. Stokes moved to the outer door and stepped through

'How could they do that, sir?' James paced angrily and Shepard placed her hand on his arm making him stop. He looked down at her and the pride and appreciation in her eyes floored him.

'Because they're stupid idiots who want to play politics,' Anderson fumed and Shepard gave a weak chuckle. 'I'm sorry Shepard,' he stood before her pulled her into a hug.

'We knew it was coming,' she relaxed into his embrace and James wanted those arms around her to be his so badly it stung. She closed her eyes, fighting back tears, 'still hurts though.'

'I hope a Reaper lands on their head,' James spat and Shepard looked at him.

'They just might and soon,' she sighed and pulled away from Anderson.

James' omnitool pinged and he cursed as he read the message from Stokes. 'We've got an onslaught of press and civilians outside, they're at every access point.' He sent a message before closing it down.

'Damn,' Anderson glanced around and James hoped he could pull an unknown doorway out of thin air.

'The rest of my team will be here in minutes.' He knew they were going to have to run the gauntlet. If they were lucky they could make it to the underground tunnel and flee in relative safety. He had a feeling they weren't going to be lucky, in fact, he had a horrible feeling something bad was about to happen.

Stokes and Zahedi pushed through the entry door and James could see and hear the commotion outside. Buckner and Reigler held the door from the outside. It was a perfect opportunity for someone to get to Shepard and his guts churned at the thought.

'Zahedi, you've got Shepard. You keep a barrier around her at all times is that clear.' James' gaze drilled the seriousness of the situation into the biotic who nodded and moved beside Shepard. 'Stokes, can you do an area overload or sabotage, I know it will be weak but if we can play havoc with electrical equipment we can slip through in the confusion.'

'Yes, sir,' Stokes grinned. James was confident that he wasn't lying and even though he thought the whole thing amusing he knew how serious it was.

James opened up his com and ordered Buckner and Reigler to clear a path as quickly as possible once the doors opened. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Anderson standing beside him.

'I'll see if I can distract them, give you a chance to get her out safely.' He moved to stand by the door and waited for James to give the word.

'Alright, let's do this,' James sucked in a breath as Zahedi placed his arm around Shepard's shoulder. She stiffened and nodded then a blue haze enveloped them both.

Anderson opened the door and stepped out, Buckner and Reigler pushed the throng of people aside to make space for James, Stokes, Zahedi and Shepard to move out, but it wasn't enough. The press had turned to Anderson but the civilians were after Shepard. James could hear shouts of thanks among shouts of hatred. He fought down panic as the crowd closed in around them and they pushed their way through.  Stokes sent out an overload that affected omnitools and recorders in a small circle around them, making people jump and stop pushing forward.

Zahedi moved alongside James and was hurriedly moving forward with Shepard, staying on Buckner's heels. That was when James saw him. Something about the man with the messy black hair and the haunted look in his eyes made James' skin crawl. His target was Shepard. The crowd hindered him but James surged forward just as the man sneered at Shepard and plunged towards her.

James felt the knife as it penetrated his chest. He felt the burning as fire radiated out, felt the twist as the knife was pushed deeper and pain as it impacted his ribs. The man growled in frustration and ripped the knife out, moving to intercept Shepard. A shot rang out. Everyone screamed and dropped to the floor and James glanced up to see Reigler lowering his assault rifle. The attacker collapsed at James' feet with a hole in his forehead.

The world spun and his legs decided his body weight was too much for them to hold up. The crowd was regathering after reacting to Reigler's shot and James knew they were out of time. He was fighting for breath, his lungs not wanting to work as his hand hit the pavement and held him up.

'Go!' He croaked as his team hesitated. 'Get Shepard to safety.'

'James!' Shepard's terrified call was the last thing he heard as the fire in his chest spread to his limbs and pulled him into oblivion.


	18. Chapter 18

**** 18 ****

Shepard paced. The room had become too small, too confining so she moved out into the community area. Stokes looked up from his omnitool as she started walking circles around the atrium. She could feel his eyes on her and she saw Zahedi move to lean against the outer edge of the kitchen counter. He too watched her.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn't relax. Stripped of command, lost her ship and her freedom. All of those things mattered, were important, but she couldn't get the image of James' pale, pain filled face out of her head. Even as he collapsed his concern was for her. Everything he'd done lately had been for her. He'd saved her life, pulled her out of her despair, made her laugh, made her feel like a woman. She stopped and it was only when she realised that others were watching she forced herself to move again.

The image of James shirtless popped into her head and she tried to push it away but it insisted on taunting her. The feel of his skin under her fingers had surprised her, it wasn't rough or dry as some soldiers tended to be, it was soft and she loved the way it pebbled under her touch. She stopped a groan from escaping as she thought about it, he'd had goose bumps.

She remembered how he'd carried her from the shower in those first days, how he'd wrapped her in a towel and tucked her tenderly into bed. He'd kissed her then, she knew she hadn't imagined it. She shivered as the thought of his lips on her skin caused her to suck in a breath. Waking up beside him after her nightmare made her feel safe: he made her feel safe. She remembered holding his hand, curling up against him as she told him of her death. How it felt right. How he felt right.

He'd made her realise the stupidity of keeping her eyes closed when fear overwhelmed her. He knew exactly what to say, how to bring out her inner strength so she could cope. His eyes held nothing but admiration and respect whenever he looked at her. She knew he originally resented her for his mission failure and she couldn't blame him for that but they'd got past that. They'd settled into a comfortable place and she liked it.

He was a terrible flirt but she hadn't been lying when she'd told him it was endearing, she enjoyed their playful back and forth. It was light-hearted fun, no commitments or expectations and it was nice. Although once or twice she caught him watching her and the look of want he'd quickly hidden made heat bloom in places she'd forgotten existed. He aroused her.

She was a woman who took care of her own needs when the urge arose but the thought of James taking care of those needs for her almost made her gasp. She could see him as a thoughtful, tender lover. He had a big heart inside a muscular, sexy body. She doubted he would ever hurt her because it would hurt him just as much. He would worship her body, be sensitive to her wants, be affectionate and caring.

The revelation shocked her. She hadn't wanted or needed a man since … well since her heart was shattered. The thought of giving her heart to someone scared her, terrified her if she was honest, and Commander Shepard didn't do terrified very well. It made her want to run and hide. Put her on a battlefield, give her a gun or explosives and she could handle that, no matter how terrifying the enemy. But ask her to open up her heart: that was unthinkable. Yet the thought of allowing him in, of giving herself to him …

_What the fuck!_ She stopped pacing and braced her arms against the glass of the atrium. The man may be dying and she was thinking of sex, with him. The galaxy was under threat and she was more concerned with how it would feel to be in James' arms. It had to stop. She had to get her head on straight, loose the emotions that threatened to weaken her. She had to be Commander Shepard.

That's when it hit her. She wasn't that person any more. They took that away. Her life, her past and her future. What would a man like James, a dedicated soldier want with her now? What would happen to her? Would she be locked away for the rest of her life, buried under rubble when the Reapers came? Would they let her retire quietly if she promised to disappear, maybe sit on a beach somewhere and watch the galaxy die? Tears burned as she faced the reality of her situation.

'Commander,' a soft voice and a tender touch on her shoulder made her take a deep breath and pull herself erect. She turned to find Zahedi staring at her in concern.

'Not any more, Zahedi,' she grimaced and he chuckled.

'Perhaps not officially,' he handed her a coffee, which she gratefully accepted, followed him to the table and sat down. 'It's just a title, it's not who you are, they can never take that away.'

'Thanks,' she nodded, 'but unfortunately they have taken away everything that makes me who I am, my ship, my life in the Alliance. Who am I without those things, it's all I've ever known.'

'You will find a way,' Zahedi placed his hand on hers and gave it a gentle squeeze but she desperately wished it were James' hand, James' voice.

'We can help you if you need it,' Stokes added and the determination in his eyes made her feel proud and a little guilty.

Their confidence in her was unwavering. Instead of having her own private pity party she should be thinking of a way to get round the situation. She shouldn't be thinking about sex with James no matter how pleasant that was and she shouldn't be giving in to despair. It wasn't her, she didn't lie down and die, she was a warrior, a fighter. She was better than this.

The door opened and Shepard shot to her feet as Anderson entered with Buckner and Reigler behind. The two marines had left at Shepard's insistence to find out how James was, where he was. They hadn't wanted to leave but she'd probably scared them with her yelling.

'James?' She looked at Anderson who shook his head.

The world dropped out from under her and she fell backwards into the chair. He couldn't be gone. He was so full of life, so caring, so thoughtful. A man like him deserved to live. She wanted to rant and scream that it should have been her, he gave his life for her. Her hands trembled and she fought to control the panic that was taking hold. _What the fuck was wrong with her!_

'Shepard,' Anderson knelt before her and took her hands in his. 'He's alive, he's not good but he's alive.'

She almost sobbed in relief. It occurred to her then what she must look like, and she pulled herself together. She had to be the soldier not the woman.

'Tell me.'

'The knife pierced his lung, grazed a rib and tore muscle. The doctors repaired it with surgery but his lung collapsed.' He paused and Shepard knew more was coming. 'The blade was poisoned. Some sort of batarian poison the doctors think. Until they find out exactly what it was they can't treat him properly. They're giving him general treatments and hoping they keep him alive. It's going to take them a few hours to work out exactly what he needs.'

'I need to see him,' Shepard spoke softly and the pleading in her voice made Anderson feel even worse as he continued.

'I'm sorry, Shepard, that's not possible.' He sat in the chair alongside her and waited for her to look at him. 'The Defence Council has insisted that you be moved into proper detention. Today.'

_So, locked away it was._ The commander in her understood and accepted the finality of it all. The woman who cared about those around her was devastated. She was to be locked away. James could die and she would be locked away, unable to be at his side, to return the care and protection he had given her. She could run. She had formulated an escape plan the day she arrived and perfected it every day since.

'We'll get it sorted, Shepard,' Anderson guessed what she was thinking, 'just give us some time.'

She met his eyes; the cold, hard soldier looked out at him. He hated seeing that but he understood how much inner strength she was going to need. She nodded and he let out a relieved sigh. He should know that she had no intention of lying down quietly and letting the Reapers wipe out all organic life. He would know that she would be working on a plan, he knew her well enough for that and she understood his request. She would give him some time, but only some.

* * *

James realised there was noise, it echoed around his skull, bouncing and banging against the bone, trying to get out, or in, he wasn't really sure. His limbs ached, his chest burned and the sand in his mouth turned into sandpaper as he tried to swallow.

'Take it easy James.'

He knew that voice. A hand came to rest on his arm and even that small pressure hurt. He must have winced because the hand disappeared. _What the hell …?_ Then he remembered.

'Shepard?' It was meant to be a yell, what came out was a harsh croak followed by what should have been a scream at the pain when he sat up, but it came out as a whispered moan.

'She's fine,' the hand was back, gently urging him down and he opened his eyes, squinting against the light.

A straw was placed against his lips. He raised his head, fighting the burn in his neck and sucked in liquid, gulping it down in desperation. After a few long sucks it was removed and he dropped back against the pillow. His body felt bruised and tender, as if he'd gone ten rounds in the ring with a krogan.

'Take it easy,' the voice sounded amused and James blinked repeatedly until the ceiling came into focus. He turned to find Anderson looking down at him. 'You've been out for a while, you need to move slowly.'

'How …' He fought to make his voice work but getting words to form was even harder.

'Five days,' Anderson allowed him another drink before sitting in a chair beside his bed. 'You had to have surgery to repair your lung and chest but it was the poison that did the most damage.'

James wanted answers, lots of them but getting the questions out was near impossible. Anderson sighed and sat forward.

'The knife was poisoned, batarian apparently. Acid based but diluted enough not to kill outright. Cruelty was its aim, designed to eat away painfully and slowly at your body as it worked its way through your systems. It took the doctors a while to figure it out but their treatments saved your life.'

James closed his eyes. So he'd come close to death, at least the knife hadn't made it past him to Shepard. Again Anderson seemed to read his mind.

'Your team got Shepard to safety and have not left her side since,' he chuckled, 'made it a bit difficult when she was moved into detention.'

_Detention._ James knew what that meant, no luxurious apartments just a single room with a bathroom if she was lucky. If they'd put her in the Alliance prison she'd be locked away from everyone and everything. It tore him apart to think he hadn't been there for her, he hadn't been there to support her in what would have been very difficult circumstances. He felt guilty, felt like he'd let her down.

'She's in the detention block at HQ. The Council might not want to piss of the batarians but they can't ignore her either.' He paused and James' brow furrowed at the emotion running across his face. 'You saved her life James,' Anderson stood up and paced around the end of his bed. 'The doctors say that if Shepard had been stabbed with that poison they might not have been able to save her. They were able to slow the poison and it gave them time to work, that and your will to live. Shepard's cybernetics would have moved it through her system faster, they would have tried to counteract it but the doctors don't know how successful they would have been.' His eyes dropped to the floor, 'I don't think Shepard would have fought so hard either.'

James heard the underlying fear and Anderson must have felt his questioning stare because he raised his eyes to look back at him. The sadness in the admiral's eyes made James' stomach churn. Anderson sighed and sat down.

'She's not good,' he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. 'She's lost everything that meant something and even though she knows we're doing our best to fix it she's not dealing with it very well. She's putting on a brave front, being the commander but I'm afraid she's going to do something stupid. She's also worried about you,' James would have enjoyed the warm feeling that caused if it hadn't been painful, 'she hates anyone under her command suffering because of her and the thought that you deliberately took that blade is eating her up.'

And there went the warmth. He was just another soldier, someone injured in the line of duty, which just happened to revolve around Shepard. He wanted to think it was more than that though. James closed his eyes, fighting the sleep that his body desperately craved. Shepard needed him, he needed to be there for her. The monster that was failure cackled in his ears.

'Get some rest, James,' Anderson stood up and turned to leave.

'Sir,' James forced his eyes open and swallowed hard as his voice struggled against his need to use it. 'Can you tell her,' he grinned and wondered how Anderson would react, 'I might have to take her up on her offer of help in the shower.'

Anderson's eyes widened but he laughed and James could see his mood lighten. 'I'll tell her,' he chuckled, 'get well James, we need you.'

James gave in to sleep, welcoming the darkness that would help him heal. A few hours later he awoke to the feel of someone beside him.

'Ah, you're awake again,' an amused voice said as a hand checked the IV in his arm. 'You should start to feel a little more lucid, we've dropped the sedative that was keeping you relaxed.'

'How am I, doc?' James croaked.

'Getting better,' he placed a straw in James' mouth, 'you'll feel some pain and discomfort for a while, we flushed your system and pumped you full of antibiotics but some damage was already done. You might be sensitive to some things and adrenaline will definitely hurt. There was some nerve trauma where the poison entered your system through your chest and lung, along with the knife. You're lucky though, a few decades ago you would have died.'

'How long before I can get out of here?'

'You soldiers, always in such a rush,' the doctor mused. 'Another few days I think but you'll still need to take it easy and rest to let your body recover.'

He clenched his fists as the urge to get out of bed yanked at him like a puppeteer pulling his strings. It was too early, he knew that. If he pushed himself he would only make things worse but the need was strong and he was determined to get back on his feet sooner rather than later. He had to, he needed to see Shepard. He needed to know she was okay. He nodded at the doctor who smiled and left.

The doctor had no sooner walked away before James started testing his body, finding out which muscles hurt, how far he could move without pain. He was happy to find that while it hurt and his chest felt like the knife was still there it was bearable, he'd suffered worse pain. Starting with his toes he began the slow, uncomfortable process of waking up sleepy muscles and tendons. It wasn't the first time he'd done this and it probably wouldn't be the last but this time he had a very strong incentive. Brown eyes, blonde hair and an ass to die for, yep, definitely the best incentive ever.


	19. Chapter 19

**** 19 ****

The dark, murky liquid that passed for coffee reflected James' face as his stare bored into his cup looking for answers. The eyes looking back at him held confusion and worry. His morning hadn't exactly gone as he'd expected it too. It started well, being released from hospital was always a good thing. Of course the doctor had warned him about taking it easy and he wasn't officially back on duty till tomorrow. That hadn't stopped him from going to see Shepard.

Now he wondered if he'd ever have her figured out. He thought they'd been developing a friendship of sorts, something more than guard and prisoner. After seeing her he wasn't so sure. He sighed as he sipped his cold coffee, the cacophony of the cafeteria was just background noise as he replayed events in his head.

_Zahedi smiled as James approached and he was glad to see a member of his team in place._

' _It is good to see you well,' the white of his teeth flashed against his dark skin._

' _It's good to be back,' James took his outstretched hand with a smile. 'How is she?'_

' _On the outside, fine,' Zahedi shrugged, 'on the inside, not so fine.'_

' _So being the warrior and not the woman,' James sighed and Zahedi nodded._

' _It is what she needs to do to defeat despair,' Zahedi grinned and James knew advice was coming. 'Do not accept what you see with your eyes, James Vega.'_

_James nodded, opened the door and stepped inside._

' _James,' it was a whisper as Shepard hurriedly got to her feet. There was pure relief on her face and for a moment James was sure she was going to hug him as she stepped towards him with her hands outstretched._

_Her uniform was neat, her hair tidy but her eyes sat in dark sockets made even more obvious by her pale skin. Nevertheless, she was beautiful. Everything about her made his heart beat faster and he waited for her to pull him into her arms. But it never happened._

' _I'm glad to see you're recovered lieutenant,' she stopped and stood at parade rest. The relief gone from her face, a cold, hard mask in its place. 'It was a stupid thing you did, taking that blade, but I appreciate you putting your life on the line for me.' She glanced around the room and he got the distinct impression she didn't want to look at him. 'Hopefully you won't have to do it again now that I'm actually in detention, there's less chance of you having to escort me too far.'_

_James was stunned at the change in her mood. He'd seen this before, the commander mask she wore when she felt it necessary. Before he could force his befuddled mind to work and put words together she picked up a datapad and turned away._

' _Dismissed, lieutenant.'_

' _Yes, ma'am,' James turned and left._

It only occurred to him when he was in the elevator that he didn't have to take orders from her and that he'd ignored Zahedi's advice. He cursed himself for being so confused that he hadn't thought of that. What the hell had happened to change her attitude towards him? Surely saving her life didn't do it. The niggling thought that this was _the_ Commander Shepard, this was the woman he resented, and rightly so, tugged at his mind.

He pushed his cold coffee away and ran his fingers through his hair. It was tempting to rip it out and scream at the world that nothing was easy and Shepard was a conundrum.

'Shepard does that to people you know.'

James looked up to see Joker standing beside the table. 'Does what?'

'Drives them nuts trying to figure her out.' He sat down and shook his head at James, 'let me know if you ever do.' They both looked up as one of Joker's minders placed fresh coffees on the table and moved to sit a short distance away.

'I thought you never left the Normandy.'

'Had to, they're doing some sort of testing on the core so unless I wanted to wear an engineer's suit for the next few hours I had to get out. Not exactly flattering to my good looks so figured I'd come for coffee and probably lunch.'

James chuckled and Joker grinned. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, the coffee allowing them to focus on something other than thoughts of Shepard.

'I wanted to thank you by the way,' Joker sighed and placed his hands flat on the table, 'for saving her life.'

I was …'

'Only doing your job, I know,' Joker chuckled and sat back, stretching his legs out under the table. 'You must love your job.'

James' eyes narrowed at the innuendo in Joker's words. The pilot laughed and James had serious doubts about his ability to hide anything from this man. There was something about him that made you want to trust him, to believe in him, he had an inner strength and confidence that oozed out of him. It could explain a lot about the relationship between Joker and Shepard. Joker was the only other man she'd told about her death, he remembered her telling him that.

'Look, Vega,' Joker was suddenly serious as he sat forward, 'Shepard is hard work but she's definitely worth it. She likes you.'

James scoffed, 'not the impression I got this morning.'

'She gave you the commander face didn't she,' Joker smiled into his cup.

'Yeah, told me I was dismissed.'

Joker burst into laughter and James couldn't help but join in. 'She's not entitled to do that right now.'

'I know,' James groaned, 'I just didn't think about it until it was too late. Besides, she's Commander Shepard.' He shrugged which only made Joker laugh again. '

'Don't give up on her,' Joker's tone made James think that the pilot wanted him to pursue his commander. 'She might be a pain in the ass and the most stubborn person I know but she's something special, you already know that though or you wouldn't be sitting here drowning your sorrows in coffee.'

'Easier said than done,' James snorted and looked directly at Joker. 'I hated her you know, resented her because she made my choices irrelevant. My mission failure was because of her.'

'Was it?'

'In a way, you guys were out destroying the collector base and my intel became redundant.' James felt the familiar stab of grief but ignored it. 'I let a lot of good people die for that intel.' It surprised him a little that he could talk about it so easily.

'And she probably knows that.' There was a sadness to Joker's voice but James knew it wasn't pity.

'Yeah, she actually picked it.' James lost himself in the memory for a moment. 'I thought things had improved after that but this morning …'

'Was Shepard being frustrated and angry, but not at you.' Joker studied him for a moment and while it was a hard stare James didn't look away. 'Do you believe her, about the Reapers?'

'Hell, yeah! I was at the Citadel when you took down Sovereign.'

'Then I'll say it again, don't give up on her.' Joker sat back and folded his arms across his chest. 'Just be her friend, as hard as that is sometimes,' he grimaced and James guessed that even Joker had his moments with Shepard. 'She can be her own worst enemy, don't let her push you away.'

'So, you and her … ' James was surprised when Joker burst into laughter.

'Seriously,' he looked at him from under raised eyebrows. 'Don't get me wrong, I love her to death but not in that way. She's a great commander, she cares about those around her, she's beautiful …'

'Yes she is,' James said softly then realised he'd said it aloud.

'So there's a fan in there too,' Joker was smirking at him and James felt his cheeks colour.

'No … I …'

Joker just shook his head with a smile, 'tell you what, you get us lunch and I'll tell you about one of her favourite fans.'

James was already on his feet, 'that sounds like a story worth hearing.'

* * *

James had a purpose. It was mid-afternoon before Joker got the all clear to return to the Normandy and they'd spent several hours talking. It was because of their conversation that he'd taken matters into his own hands. He was just stepping onto the treadmill when Zahedi led Shepard into the gym. She immediately locked her gaze on him and he was half-afraid she was going to turn around and walk out. Instead she stepped onto the treadmill beside him. Zahedi took a position by the door and James didn't miss the grin on his face.

'Lieutenant,' Shepard said firmly as she set the speed and started a slow walk.

'Commander,' James replied, matching her speed.

'Not supposed to call me that anymore,' she grimaced and he saw the chink in her armour.

'Nope.'

'Are you supposed to be exercising?' She narrowed her eyes at him.

'Nope.'

'Can I assume you ordered Zahedi to bring me down here?'

'Yep.' He almost grinned as she scowled at him.

'Why?'

'I checked your schedule, you haven't been to the gym for over a week.'

'So?'

'You need to exercise, can't have you getting soft.' He did grin as she spluttered indignantly.

'I'm not getting soft.'

'You will if you don't exercise.'

'Fine,' she upped the speed and settled into a slow jog, glancing sideways as James did the same. She grinned then and James had a horrible feeling he was in trouble. 'Think you can keep up LT?'

'Show me what you've got,' he shrugged and hoped his body could cope with the workout it was about to get.

* * *

He was aching all over, his chest was burning and his body was letting him know he'd pushed himself too far. But it was worth it. He knew Shepard had taken it easy on him, she'd seen him wince and slowed down before stepping off the machine and thanking him for getting her out of her room. She'd smiled at him then left. A grin broke out at the idea that she had been worried about him, it was something. He adjusted his grip on the box in his hands as a marine almost ploughed into him. His grin disappeared. There were too many people around for a detention block.

It was basically a through way from one Alliance block to another. He could see the danger, the lack of protection it offered. There were no security checks, no weapons scanners. Anyone could be a potential threat and there was no way he could stop them from walking past Shepard's door. Even minimal security should have had some sort of security or surveillance in place. He wondered if it was deliberate, an opportunity for an accident to happen. He scoffed inwardly at the idea. The Alliance brass couldn't be so blatant in their disregard for Shepard's safety, could they? He needed to talk to Anderson, tomorrow.

'Hey Vega, glad to see you back on your feet,' Buckner was standing outside Shepard's door. 'You've got balls, I'll give you that. Taking that knife, smooth move.' James scowled at him, which only made the marine laugh.

'This place is a nightmare,' James moved beside him and they looked out at the people passing by, absorbed in datapads and omnitools.

'Yeah, you know there's not supposed to be a guard outside her door.'

'Seriously,' James glanced at him, 'who's bright idea was that?'

'Came from higher up.' He shrugged, 'we thought it best to ignore it, someone needs to care. Anderson seemed to agree.'

'Thanks, Buckner,' James nodded, the commitment from the marine was admirable and unexpected.

'Zahedi said you'd be bringing her dinner.' He dipped his head towards the box.

'Yeah, thought it might cheer her up.'

'Good luck with that,' Buckner grinned and James just shook his head before knocking to let Shepard know he was coming in. 'Enjoy your evening,' Buckner laughed as James stepped inside.

'Lieutenant?' Shepard turned towards him, her eyes raking over him and coming to rest on the box in his hands.

'Commander?' He tipped his head and moved to the small table. 'I brought dinner and entertainment.'

'You're not supposed to call me that Lieutenant,' she scowled and James wanted to growl in frustration.

'Nope,' he set about unpacking the box. 'Doesn't mean I can't feed you decent food.'

'You're not supposed to be here, James,' she stood with her arms folded across her chest but James allowed himself a small amount of joy, at least she called him by name and not rank.

'You have to eat, Shepard. I'd be lax in my duty if I let you starve to death.' He placed a collection of take away containers on the table and laid out plates and cutlery for two.

'Planning on joining me?' She raised an eyebrow at him.

'Yep.'

'I don't need or want your company.' She looked annoyed but he heard the doubt in her voice.

'Tough, because you're getting it.' James pulled out a chair so she could sit down and she glared at him.

'You're dismissed Lieutenant.'

'Nope, not going to work a second time, Shepard,' he indicated the chair and while he hoped she'd just sit he was waiting for her to refuse.

'Fine,' she dropped her head and moved to the chair but James was sure she was hiding a smile. 'Can't let good food go to waste. Besides, the quicker I eat the quicker you'll leave.'

'Ouch,' James groaned and covered his heart with his hands as he sat. 'That's a nice way to thank me for bringing your favourite dishes.'

'You brought me Thai?' She eagerly reached for a box but stopped and looked at him through eyes that finally held some warmth. 'That might just give you a pass Vega.'

James' grin was back and she shook her head at him. He'd take that pass, at least it gave him something to work on and, from the reasonably easy way she surrendered, he guessed she was craving company. His throat tightened and his heart raced as Shepard closed her eyes and inhaled the aromas of the food. It was a beautiful sight and worth every ounce of pain he'd gone through to get here.

They ate in comfortable silence, occasionally asking for a box or Shepard would groan in pleasure around a mouthful of food. That of course went straight to James' groin and he found himself shuffling in his seat. Shepard looked up at him from under her lashes and James was pretty sure she was doing it deliberately. It seemed like it was her plan to torture him for refusing to leave.

The moment his heart caved came out of the blue. He reached across to pack up the empty boxes and his fingers brushed against Shepard's hand. It was nothing new, he'd touched her before but there was something different. Her hand lingered, her fingers resting against his, her warmth permeated every pore where their skin touched. Shepard suddenly pulled her hand away and stood up. So did James.

They came together awkwardly, Shepard stumbling as she lost her balance. James' arm slid around her waist, holding her up but also against him. Her hand came to rest firmly on his chest, her head lowered and her hair brushing softly against his chin. Slowly she lifted her gaze. His breath stopped in his throat as he met her warm brown eyes. She was so close, a hairsbreadth away, her lips so close to his, her face flushed. It would be so easy to lean down and kiss her. He saw untethered want in her eyes but there was something else. Fear. She was afraid of him.

It was that moment, right then, when he realised he could never do anything to hurt her because it would kill him to see pain in her eyes. It was right then that he understood something. This was more than just admiration, hero worship or friendship. This was something much deeper. He had fallen hard and he was still falling. He couldn't explain it or say when it happened but it had. She felt something too, he could see it in the way her eyes were wide, questioning and searching his soul. But fear held her back and he cursed the pendejo who had put that fear into her heart.

'I think it's time for you to leave,' she cleared her throat and stepped back but her eyes told the truth.

The moment was gone but James wasn't ready to give up, not now. 'I brought entertainment, Shepard.' She blinked at the huskiness in his voice but before she could close him out completely he added, 'and beer.'

She stared at him for a moment, 'what did you have in mind?'

James couldn't admit to what he had in mind, not yet, so he settled for: 'I brought a chess set,' he shrugged, 'and some vids.'

'You play chess?' She raised an eyebrow at him.

'Kinda,' he grinned sheepishly, 'not very well.'

She laughed and he cherished it. 'Guess we'd better see what vids you've got then.' She went to reach for his arm but quickly thought otherwise.

'There's a few here, some old classics, some newer stuff,' he brought up his omnitool and she leaned forward to look. The scent of her shampoo invaded his senses and he inhaled deeply.

'Oh my god!' She looked up at him excitedly with a smile that took his breath away. 'I can't believe you've got that one!'

'Which?' James was frowning at the screen but Shepard pushed him towards the sofa before heading for the bathroom. James paused long enough to grab a chiller bag out of his box before he sat down.

'You'll need one of these,' she was laughing as she threw a towel at him, wrapping one around her neck as she walked towards him. 'I believe you said you had beer.'

'Don't panic,' James laughed back as he wrapped the towel around his neck and reached into the bag, pulling out two beers and handing one to Shepard.

She made herself comfortable beside him on the sofa as he linked his tool to the vid screen on the wall. He appreciated the fact that it was a small sofa and they had to sit close, shoulder's touching. It didn't matter what the movie was, it could be Blasto for all he cared as long as she was smiling and sitting beside him he'd endure anything. He chuckled as the movie began and she started quoting everything.

'Shush,' she slapped him playfully on the arm and pointed to the screen. Yep, he'd endure anything to be right where he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else think it strange that there were so many people around for what was supposedly a detention area. Kudos to anyone who gets the movie/book reference. ;p


	20. Chapter 20

**** 20 ****

Everything hurt. James groaned, hitting his alarm as he sat up and placed his feet on the floor. He jumped at the cold before scrubbing his face to wipe away the last vestiges of sleep. Fire flowed through his veins while muscles throbbed and ached. It didn't help that he was back in an Alliance issue bed, albeit a little larger than a standard bunk, but definitely not gentle on his damaged body. He would have welcomed a sleep in but between his aching body, the semi-comfortable bed and the fact that he was back on duty today it wasn't possible. He cursed himself for letting pride get the better of him and going toe to toe with Shepard. He was thankful she'd taken pity on him and stopped because he knew she could have continued.

A hot shower helped and after downing the meds the doctor had prescribed he felt a little more human. He examined the room he'd been allocated. Stokes had managed to set up surveillance so he had a clear view of Shepard's door. He'd also tapped into the surrounding cameras to give them an overall view of the area. James wondered if the security station was aware that their system had been tampered with. He doubted it, Stokes was too good to give himself away. His omnitool beeped and he opened it to find Stokes looking back at him.

'Hey, LT, glad to see you back,' Stokes was grinning and James wondered if anything ever upset him.

'Thanks, nice work on the surveillance.'

'It was too easy,' Stokes was busy looking down at something and James just shook his head at his natural confidence. 'I'm linking in your omnitool so you can monitor Shepard from anywhere, just give me a …'

Stokes disappeared and James' eyes widened as the feed from the cameras appeared on his screen. He squinted at a small symbol in the corner and as he touched it the screen split into multiple views, allowing him to see everything at once. He was impressed.

'You should have actual live feed,' Stokes spoke in the background.

'Got it,' James nodded, 'Great job, Stokes.'

'I'm having the feed fed to my omnitool as a back-up so if anything happens to yours we can still keep track of what's going on.' He reappeared on James' screen, 'just type in LT when you want to bring up the feed.'

'Thanks,' James was thankful Anderson had assigned him such a capable tech expert. 'Aren't you supposed to be on your day off?'

'Heading out now,' Stokes nodded, 'See you tomorrow.' And with that he was gone.

The cafeteria was reasonably quiet when James arrived so he quickly downed his breakfast, partly because it was uncomfortable to sit but also because he had to collect one for Shepard, he figured she'd be hungry enough by now. Zahedi had been on duty overnight and James was due to relieve him but first he had to see Anderson. After delivering Shepard's breakfast to Zahedi he found himself pacing outside Anderson's office. He thought about sitting down but his body was much more amenable to standing.

'James,' Anderson strode in from somewhere outside, 'come in.'

James remained standing as Anderson led him inside, dispensed with formalities and indicated a seat. The admiral chuckled as James eyed off the chair in disgust.

'Suffering a little are you?'

'I'm fine sir,' James was sure he sounded as unconvincing as he felt.

'I heard about your workout.' Anderson was grinning and James ground his teeth, grimacing as even that hurt. 'What were you thinking, so soon after being released from hospital?'

'I just wanted to make Shepard smile,' he shrugged.

'From what I hear you succeeded,' the cushion hissed as Anderson dropped into his seat. 'Nice job. I was worried she might have buried herself too deep in self-pity and recrimination for you to get the response you did.'

'She's stronger than that,' James decided that sitting might be feasible but he had to silence a groan as muscles complained.

'I know, but I'm sure by now that she's worked out multiple ways to escape, she's blaming herself for surrendering when the galaxy is under threat and she's frustrated by the lack of action from the Defence Council.' Anderson sighed and ran his hands through his hair. 'I can't say I blame her, I'd hoped the Council would have at least given her the benefit of the doubt by now. She jumped through all their hoops and behaved herself.'

'Maybe it's time she stopped.'

'What? You want them to lock her away where no-one can find her?' Anderson glared at him.

'No, that's the last thing I want.' James stood and paced slowly trying to relax tense muscles, 'I am concerned about the lack of security in the detention block, there's no way we can tell who's supposed to be there and who's not.' From the grimace on Anderson's face he guessed he wasn't either and probably couldn't do anything about it so he continued with his previous thoughts. 'Right now she's the only one who's had any real experience with the kinds of things the Reapers will send against us. Why can't we use that knowledge to prepare for what's coming?'

'You've had experience with collectors,' Anderson reminded him.

'Yeah,' he grimaced and pushed down memories, 'but she's had more, she's faced different enemies and has better ideas on what works.'

'You have something in mind?'

'Maybe, it's not much but it might help Shepard feel like she's contributing and it might just give those on the ground a fighting chance.' James stopped and stared out of the window at the city below where daily life continued, oblivious to the threat hanging over their heads. 'What's going to happen to those on the ground if …' he corrected himself, 'when the Reapers hit? It will be chaos and panic. At least if we have some soldiers prepared they can help others, maybe give them a fighting chance.'

'I'm listening,' Anderson sat forward.

James took a deep breath and sat down before proceeding to fill Anderson in on his idea. An hour or so later James was ready to leave. Anderson was convinced and the smile on his face showed just how proud he was of the young man he'd found unsure and afraid many years before. For his part James was just relieved that the admiral hadn't shot him down.

'Do you think it will work?' James stood up and looked at Anderson.

'It can't hurt,' Anderson shrugged, 'besides, if nothing else it will give Shepard something to focus on.' He stood up and moved to the window, James followed and they stood together looking out at the city that was home. 'We have to do something and even if we only manage to save a few lives it's worth it.'

'What about the Defence Council?'

'They don't have to know, they'll probably find out but if we do this right there's nothing they can do except maybe wrap us on the knuckles.' He glanced at James, 'you know Shepard will catch on quick.'

'Yeah, but if we're aiming to save lives I don't think she'll mind.' James chuckled, 'besides, the worst she can do is refuse to leave her room.'

'Oh, I don't know, she could knock you on your ass.'

'Wouldn't be the first time,' James laughed, 'and probably won't be the last.' He paused and took in the skyline outside, the glass and steel structures shining in the morning sun, precious gems just waiting for the hammer that would shatter them. 'How long do you think we've got?'

'Honestly, I don't know. We're hoping for months, years, but I don't think we've got anywhere near that long. There are already rumours of colonies going dark out in the Traverse and no-one has heard from the batarians for a while. Intel is getting harder to come by and people are starting to ask questions.' He paused and his eyes drilled into James' before he took a deep breath and turned back to the view. 'James, when the reapers hit you get Shepard to the Normandy, do whatever it takes. If you get separated you get to the Normandy no matter what.' He turned to look at James again, 'do you understand?'

'Yes, sir,' James nodded but concern furrowed his brow. 'What about you?'

'Oh don't worry, I'll be heading there too. It will be one of the safest places on the planet to mount our defence.' He grimaced and James knew he was contemplating the outcome of the reapers arriving. 'It might be the only way off the planet.'

James nodded and pulled his shoulders erect, 'I'd better go and relieve Zahedi.'

'I've got the new rules for Shepard's detention,' he opened his omnitool and sent the file to James. 'It will make it easier to do what you've planned. She has a little more freedom. Reigler has been reassigned, Hackett wanted him to finish his N7 training while he could.'

'Roger, that,' James was about to head for the door but Anderson stopped him and handed him an omnitool.

'This is for Shepard, it has limited functionality but I had Stokes set it up to block any outgoing signals from her implants, just in case. She can send and receive messages but they pass through your tool coming and going. You have to do the right thing here James, don't ignore protocol because you care about her.'

'Yes sir,' James had a strange feeling that Anderson knew he was developing feelings for his charge. 'I'll pass it on,' James knew Shepard would be relieved and thankful to have some access to the outside world.

James walked the halls of Alliance HQ oblivious to those around him, knowing what was coming his thoughts went to his family. He didn't particularly care about his father and he knew his mother would be unhappy about that but she was lucky enough not to see what his father had become. His uncle however was important, he owed his current position to the man who cared about him and encouraged him to ignore his father and join the Alliance. He had to warn him, give his family a chance to survive, time to make plans.

'You seem lost in thought Mr Vega,' Zahedi's voice made him aware that he'd reached his destination.

'Just thinking about family,' he leant against the wall beside the taller man and watched as people walked past.

'Important thoughts,' Zahedi nodded.

'Do you believe Shepard about the reapers, Zahedi?'

'Yes.' There was no hesitation.

'You should warn your family about them then.' James glanced up at him, 'assuming you have family.'

'I did not come out of a test tube,' he laughed and James chuckled. 'My older brother is in the Alliance, my sister is a doctor and my younger brother is an engineer, although he prefers partying and women to work. My mother is a nurse and my father a biologist, both have not worked for many years now.' He sighed and for a moment the soldier was gone and a worried man stood in his place. 'I have warned them, suggested they visit family in the mountains sooner rather than later.'

'I hope they survive, Zahedi.' James peeled himself from the wall, 'I hope we all do.'

'That would be nice,' Zahedi straightened up and the soldier was back.

James opened the door to Shepard's room and she turned towards him, 'Shepard, let's go.'

'Where?' She cocked a brow in surprise.

'Just trust me,' he grinned and she rolled her eyes at him. 'You'll enjoy it.' She fell into step beside him as he led the way. 'Here,' he held out the omnitool and her eyes widened, 'you're allowed to send and receive messages but they all have to go through me,' he shrugged in apology. 'At least it's something, right.'

'Yes,' she slipped the tool onto her wrist.

'It also has a block for your implants,' he heard the relieved sigh and the look she gave him only reinforced it. 'Zahedi,' James glanced over his shoulder as the soldier fell into step with them, 'you're off duty, go home.'

'I will,' he nodded but kept following.

'So, where are we going?' Shepard asked as they stepped into the elevator.

James just smiled and hit the button. The corners of her mouth turned up as she realised what floor they were heading to and he couldn't ignore the amount of pleasure that gave him. By the time the doors opened she had a grin on her face that James was sure would give him enjoyable dreams for months.

'Lieutenant Vega,' the soldier in charge looked up as they walked towards him. 'An interesting idea you sent down. I'll have your simulation ready in a few minutes if you want to suit up.'

James nodded and looked at Shepard whose eyes were dancing with fire and life. This was not going to do his body any good but it was worth it to see her looking so alive. The elevator door opened and James was surprised to see Buckner and Stokes.

'Anderson let us know,' Buckner shrugged. 'Didn't want to miss it.'

'Can't believe you didn't tell us, LT.' Stokes gave him a mock frown before grinning. 'This should be fun.'

'You're supposed to be having a day off,' James reminded them.

'So that means we can do what we like,' Stokes chuckled, 'stop wasting time and suit up.'

James simply shook his head and entered the ready room. He couldn't help but glance at Shepard as she donned armour, not her usual standard but she selected pieces to give her an advantage. That was when he realised she'd be at a disadvantage because she didn't have her own omnitool. She was an engineer, she used it like he used his shotgun. Without thinking about it he pulled hers from his pocket.

'Shepard, you'll need this.'

Her eyes shone and he had a strong feeling she was fighting back happy tears. It sent a wave of warmth through him, he was responsible for making her happy and nothing had ever felt so good.

'Let's do this,' he grinned and picked up a shotgun.

They walked into the simulator and stopped as one. A soft gasp came from Shepard, the others just stared in amazement. For James it was surreal. He remembered this. As good as he'd felt moments ago now he just felt sick. This was what he'd asked for but he hadn't expected it to feel so real, he hadn't even been sure it would work. He hadn't expected it to affect him like this. There were no olfactory settings, it was only a simulation, but he could smell the damp, decaying odour of the collectors that had haunted him since Fehl Prime.

'What is this?' Buckner looked around with narrowed eyes.

'It's the inside of a collector ship, what's going on James?' Shepard stared at him and he met her eyes, thankful for something else to concentrate on.

We thought you might like to teach us how to kill reaper troops.'

Movement above made them look up to find faces looking down at them from the observation deck. Anderson had made good on his word, officers he could trust were watching, about to learn things that might help save lives.

'We? Us?'

'I thought you might enjoy the action, it might not be real but still ... When I asked if it was allowed Anderson agreed that it might be useful, help to keep the troops on the ground alive, give them some hints about what to do when the time comes.' He shrugged and then she did something he never dreamed she would.

Shepard stepped towards him, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss that only caught the corner of his lips but it was glorious. The soft feel of her lips on his skin made everything else disappear. It was only a moment but it lingered much longer. His skin tingled, her hands rested on his neck as she pulled back and the feather light touch of her fingers sent heat directly south. He cursed the fact that he was wearing armour and he couldn't feel her body against his. Without thinking he wrapped his arm around her waist and held her in place.

'Thank you,' it was a whisper, her breath warm against his skin and if they'd been anywhere else and alone he might have pulled her back, kissed her deeply because he so badly wanted to.

Buckner clearing his throat reminded them that they weren't alone and reluctantly James released his hold. Shepard stepped back, a soft smile playing on her lips and her cheeks flushed as she slowly lowered her arms and pulled on her gauntlets.

'So, let's start with husks shall we, I can pretty much guarantee everyone will have to face them.'

Commander Shepard stepped confidently into the simulation as James stepped up on her right, the rest of the team taking up positions around them. James had never felt prouder. The sound of husks made Shepard grimace and James shiver.

'I hate that sound,' she sent out a combat drone, 'aim for the legs and keep them at a distance. If they get close they'll swarm you and you won't like that.'

The sound of heat sinks clicking into place made James feel alive and from the grin on Shepard's face it did the same for her. It was time to rid himself of old memories and make some new ones. He might hurt like hell in the morning but right now he didn't care and he ignored his body's protests as he raised his shotgun and prepared a grenade. This was going to be fun.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in updating, had a hectic couple of weeks but hopefully things have settled down again now. Anyway, I hope you continue to read and enjoy. And just a quick thank you to everyone who has left kudos or commented, you really brighten my day ;p

**** 21 ****

To the casual observer James would appear relaxed and unconcerned as he leant against the wall with his arms folded over his chest and one leg crossed over the other. A closer observation would reveal the tightness around his eyes, the tension in his jaw and the tight muscles in his arms. His eyes glanced around the observation room, apparently taking in his surroundings as part of his task of guarding Shepard. If his eyes could shoot flames every person in the room would be cinders, except Shepard of course. Although right now he could easily hate her.

She seemed to be enjoying herself. After two hours in the simulator, watching her in action, in complete awe of her skill as she took the forefront of every attack, he'd expected to take her back to her room and have a team debrief about what they'd learned. He scoffed softly, that was a pipe dream if ever there was one. The moment they'd stepped out of the ready room they'd wanted her upstairs and within minutes officers surrounded her, plying her with questions .

James was shoved aside as they crowded around her, hanging on every word she said. He was her guard, responsible for her life but in a room full of officers sent by Anderson and Hackett he was redundant. He dismissed his team and settled himself against the wall by the door. He was in pain and it had nothing to do with burning muscles and aching joints. A knife had settled in his heart and every time she smiled at a fellow commander or someone touched her he ground his teeth harder as the blade twisted.

He was so engrossed in his own self-pity that he missed the pleading glance Shepard threw his way. It wasn't until she stepped away from those around her and a Major, who just wouldn't give up, tried to stop her that he realised he was neglecting his job.

'Look, I don't know what type of monsters the Reapers will come up with. Think of the batarians, how will they change them into usable troops. What can they do with krogans, turians or asari? I imagine hulking tanks, tough intelligent tech and powerful biotics.' She sounded tired and James kicked himself mentally, he should have been more aware. 'With humans it's husks and there will be lots of those. You need to train your men not to hesitate, that husk might have been a friend, a relative, but hesitation will cost them their lives.' She flicked a glance at James who was already moving.

'Shepard, it's time to leave,' James stood beside her and she nodded.

'Stand down, Lieutenant,' the persistent Major glared at him. 'The Commander is busy.'

'I'm sorry, _sir_ ,' his lack of respect obvious as he matched his glare, 'Shepard has to be returned to her cell.' He hated thinking of her as a prisoner but right now it was the only way to get his point across.

'I'd like to discuss this further, Shepard,' the Major smiled at her, 'perhaps I can visit you later and you can give me more details.'

'That's not possible,' James placed his hand on Shepard's arm, 'visitors are limited to certain people, Anderson has the list and you're not on it … sir.'

'Lieutenant, unless you want me to report you for insubordination, STAND DOWN!'

James almost laughed. If the Major thought loudness, self-importance and outright yelling would impress Shepard he was in for a rude shock. Beyond that, James was responsible for Shepard so he had more claim to her than anyone in the room. It didn't help, however, that he was emotionally compromised.

'Major,' Shepard pulled on her commander persona before James could do something he'd regret, 'Lieutenant Vega is only doing his job,' she smiled and James clenched his jaw shut. 'I'm sure you understand.'

'Of course,' he nodded at Shepard and stepped back.

James wanted to punch him … hard … for the way his eyes lingered on her. Shepard was either oblivious or ignored it and that didn't help James calm down. He spun on his heel and with Shepard in front of him they walked from the room.

'Thank god,' Shepard hissed when they were in the elevator.

'What, you didn't like the attention, certainly looked that way to me.' James flinched at his own words and hated the sharpness in his voice.

Shepard turned to look at him, her eyes narrowed and her eyebrows drawn in. James flicked a glance at her and swallowed hard at the questioning look on her face.

'Is that what you think?'

'Well, aren't you the war hero, the Saviour of the Citadel, killer of the Collectors. Isn't being the centre of attention part of the job?' His mouth was out of control and no amount of fist clenching seemed to stop it.

'Wow,' Shepard finally turned away, her voice cracked and James hated himself like never before. 'I didn't realise you though so little of me.' She sucked in a breath and stood quietly at a perfect parade rest.

'Shepard …'

'Its fine, Lieutenant, I get it.'

Shepard marched ahead of him all the way back to her cell and stood at attention while he opened the door. She stepped through the door, keeping her back to him and he was about to step into the room. He needed to apologise, to fix his stuff up.

'Thank you, Lieutenant.' It was a dismissal.

'I'll bring lunch shortly,' he needed something to give him an opening.

'Don't bother, I'm not hungry.'

The knife twisted deep and hard as he closed the door between them and, as much as he hated the need, locked it, he had to collect her lunch and without another team member standing guard it was his only form of security. His room was just down the corridor from Shepard's and by the time he reached it he was more angry at himself than he was at Shepard. He needed a moment to gather his roiling emotions and he could do with washing off the sweat from the morning's exercise.

He turned on the shower, yanked his shirt over his head and threw it forcefully to the floor. He shoved his trousers and boxers down and kicked them towards the t-shirt. What the fuck was wrong with him? He thought he was over losing control, letting emotions take charge. The last time … He growled and swept his arm across the vanity, everything on it clattered to the floor. _Fuck!_

He stepped into the shower, dropped his head under the water and closed his eyes as his fists dug into the tiles. Shepard haunted him, her eyes alight and a smile brighter than any sun. He touched his face where she'd kissed him and the memory made his skin tingle. He remembered the feel of his arm around her waist, her arms around his neck, her hair brushing his cheek, all sensations that sent blood rushing south. He cursed his body as it reacted and refused to give in.

The image of her surrounded by officers, smiling, them touching her and her responding pushed its way forward, cruel fingers grabbing hold of his thoughts and squeezing until it hurt. Why the hell wouldn't she have reacted, she was one of them, they were all above him in rank. Why would she want to hang out with a lowly lieutenant when she could have her pick of men? The Major certainly seemed eager to fall at her feet. Watching had been painful, he'd let his emotions control him and it affected his professionalism. He couldn't let that happen.

The look on her face when she'd glanced his way … His eyes popped open and he blinked hard as water rushed in. She hadn't been happy or enjoying it. She'd been pleading with him to help her. He punched the wall as he realised she'd been relying on him and he'd let her down, too absorbed in his own misery. _Pendejo!_ She probably thought he was like him, the one who'd broken her heart. His fingers ached as he hit the wall again, cursing himself for the idiot he was. He had to show her that he wasn't like that. With renewed energy he hurriedly finished his shower and dressed.

He was halfway to the cafeteria when he brought up the security feed. Shepard was sat curled up on her sofa with a book in hand. Her hair was wet so she'd obviously showered. She might not want lunch but that didn't mean she wasn't going to get it. She might throw him out but he wasn't going to let that deter him and his step was much lighter as he headed for her door.

* * *

Shepard waited for the lock to engage before she allowed her grin to break free. Then she remembered the cameras and hurried to the bathroom. She ran the shower and slowly undressed, unable to wipe the grin from her face. James was hurting and she was responsible but that very fact cheered her immensely. It meant that his feelings for her ran deep. This wasn't something frivolous and, as much as she'd been hurt before, it was exciting to think he might genuinely care for her. It was the last thing she expected but now that it was in front of her she found it hard to ignore.

The thought of her last relationship, if it could be called that, sobered her a little but this thing that was building with James felt different. The last one had been hurried, it started under pressure and broke the same way. This new possibility made her want to take the chance and that was something she never thought she'd do. The idea of a relationship in her current situation wasn't ideal, in fact it was downright idiotic. They could all be dead tomorrow. But wasn't that all the more reason to take the chance, to have something special before it was all gone.

She'd watched him in the simulator. His confidence and skill were better than many other, more experienced soldiers she'd teamed up with. He trusted her to lead them efficiently and safely, just that alone made her trust him as someone who would stand beside her and have her back. The fact that he had suggested using her to train others showed he had intelligence and took advantage of resources. She knew he could lead and it was unfortunate his mission had gone wrong because she recognised the possibilities for his future. At the same time she was glad because it meant she had the chance to meet him. She'd never believed in fate, always believing that she made her own, but now … whatever had brought them together she was thankful.

He was a big man but that didn't hinder him at all, if anything it only added to the image of him as a warrior, someone to be feared. She'd worked with big men before and they had appeared clumsy compared to the grace she'd seen from James. He'd impressed her and that wasn't easy to do, she had high standards when it came to her ground team. And he was damn sexy. She hardly ever thought of men that way, handsome, charming or thoughtful, but sexy … James was all of those things.

She'd been hoping for the chance to talk but then she'd been dragged into the observation room. She'd gone simply because it was another opportunity to help prepare, to save lives. She was just another soldier, maybe with a little more experience than others but still a soldier. She knew others looked up to her, admired her but being in the limelight was never comfortable, not something she enjoyed at all. The look on James' face was priceless as other officers surrounded her. The thought that he was jealous had given her goose bumps. She had allowed a little more contact than she would normally just to see his reaction but it backfired and she found herself overwhelmed.

She'd never been good in crowds, not without her armour and guns, she suddenly felt panic taking hold, especially when a particular Major had become a little more insistent. She realised then that James was suffering to the point where he'd lost focus. It wasn't good, this was why there were frat regs. She was a little angry that he'd let his emotions get in the way but she had to take responsibility for adding to his emotional distress. He was quick to recover though and had come to her rescue once more, even standing up to that Major and Shepard had been happy to support him.

The water ran down her back and she enjoyed the heat as freshly worked muscles complained. The thought of muscles brought her back to James. She remembered the feel of his hand on her arm when he'd come to her rescue, the feel of his arm around her waist, the roughness of his skin when she'd kissed him. She still didn't know what had possessed her and resulted in that kiss but she didn't regret it. Anything but. She wanted more.

She was wondering how to broach the topic of James' jealousy as she dressed, how to show him that he needed to control his emotions while on the job, remain professional, it was something she'd had to learn and it wasn't easy. Of course that was assuming he would still talk to her. He hadn't been happy when he'd left and she hoped he hadn't taken her words to heart, she'd only been toying with him and she'd almost chuckled. She settled herself on the sofa with a book knowing James would bring her lunch even though she told him not to. Her grin was back as she thought about maybe toying with him a little longer. She heard the lock disengage and put on her Commander face. She almost broke at the despondency on his face but he had to learn so she wasn't ready to let him off the hook just yet.

* * *

James entered Shepard's room and stopped. She turned to look at him and he was sure he saw concern flash across her face but it was quickly gone. He wasn't sure how he would be welcomed so he hurriedly walked forward and placed her tray on the table.

'I didn't want lunch,' she frowned at him.

'So you said,' he shrugged and picked up a sandwich pack that was obviously his. 'You're not starving on my watch, Shepard.'

'Fine,' she got up and moved to the table.

'Shepard,' James searched for the words he needed but nothing appeared.

'Thank you Lieutenant.'

James hovered but when she sat down and started to uncover her food he realised she wasn't going to ask him to stay. The knife in his heart twisted a little deeper as he forced himself to turn and leave.

'Lieutenant,' Shepard called as he reached the door and he looked back hopefully. 'Can you please organise for me to see Anderson asap. I need to discuss something with him.'

'Yes, ma'am,' he nodded and left the room his heart breaking as he contacted Anderson.

He picked at his lunch knowing he needed to eat, to replenish the calories he'd burned off earlier, but the food had no taste and held no enticement. There was only one reason he could think of that she would want to see Anderson. She was going to have him replaced. He'd really stuffed up this time. He'd been unprofessional and he knew she expected better, not just of him but anyone with rank who was in charge of others. His omnitool beeped and his stomach churned as he read the message from Anderson. Thirty minutes, it was how long he had before she sent him away. He threw the remainder of his lunch into the nearby garbage chute unable to stop the trembling in his hands. He'd never wanted something so badly in his life and the thought that it was about to be lost to him was unbearable.

He waited as long as possible before opening the door, 'Shepard, Anderson will see you now.'

She got up from the table and walked past him, 'good, let's go.'

James followed behind drowning in self-recrimination but he focused on his job. If this was the last time he was responsible for her then he wasn't going to let her down. His eyes watched those around him, glancing at Shepard as she strode ahead of him, her eyes forward and her face hidden from him. He wanted so badly for her to look at him, to give him the opportunity to make things right but the journey to Anderson's office was a short one. She walked through the door without a word and without even a flick of her eyes towards him. As the door closed behind her James felt the world fall out from beneath his feet. This was it, this was the end and there was nothing he could do.


	22. Chapter 22

**** 22 ****

Anderson's secretary glared at him. Her eyes burned holes in his back every time he passed her desk. She was frustrated with him and he couldn't blame her. He'd managed to sit at first but the longer Shepard was in with Anderson the more nervous he became, afraid and angry with himself. So he'd stood, even tried to engage the secretary in conversation but she quickly made it clear she wasn't interested. Then the pacing had started.

He paused as he came level with the door, behind which there was a good possibility his future would be decided. He stared at it, willing it to open. But it didn't. With a sigh he went back to his pacing.

'Lieutenant, either sit down or wait outside.'

James stopped and looked at the woman behind the desk. She had obviously had enough. He blew out a ragged breath and sat down, his elbows on his knees and his head resting in his hands. He glanced at the door, she'd been in there for over an hour. What the hell was taking so long.

The door to the outer offices opened and a newly minted officer walked in. James sat back, thankful for something to take his mind off his concerns. This kid had the look of someone just out of officer training school. The clean, neatly pressed dress blues, the highly polished full soled boots that hadn't had a chance to wear down in dirt, not a hair out of place. There were no scars, no staining from the oils or cleaners used to maintain weapons, nothing but pure excitement on his face. James remembered how that felt and he suddenly felt much older than his twenty eight years. He stopped at the desk, snapped to attention and saluted. James almost laughed aloud.

'Lieutenant, Matheson Brody, reporting as ordered, ma'am.'

'Have a seat, Lieutenant,' the secretary smiled patiently and indicated a seat against the wall. 'Admiral Anderson will be with you shortly.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Brody nodded with a nervous smile and sat rigidly in a chair. He glanced at James as if only just realising he was there.

James nodded, fighting back a grin as Brody played unconsciously with his fingers. Was he ever that nervous, that young? A lifetime ago his uncle had found him on the beach in tears, devastated, his dreams destroyed by a father who only saw him as his next dose of red sand. Emilio dragged him to his feet and yelled at him until he saw sense, saw that his dream wasn't lost, he just had to decide how much he wanted it. His uncle made sure he was on the transport to basic, that he was free of a life where he probably would have been in prison or dead. He'd become the soldier he was, the man he was proud of because of his uncle. It reminded him that he needed to contact him, let him know what was coming.

'You look like you've seen some action,' Brody's heels were bouncing as he looked eagerly at James.

James snorted, 'some.'

'Hopefully I will soon,' the fresh faced lieutenant sat forward and leant on his knees as if realising his bouncing legs were giving him away. 'Just got orders to report here for a special posting.'

James' heart fell into his boots and terror took hold of his soul. They couldn't. Surely they wouldn't be … the door to Anderson's office whooshed open.

'James,' Anderson called to him and James shot to his feet.

The concrete boots on his feet sucked down into mud, the effort to lift them and force himself to walk into that office was painful, every step made his legs ache. His heart pounded in his ears, bombs were exploding in his stomach and he gagged silently as he swallowed bile. He stopped before Anderson's desk, stood to attention and snapped off a perfect salute.

'Sir.'

'At ease, James,' Anderson waved him down, 'take a seat.'

James lowered himself into the chair. He flicked a glance at Shepard who sat on the edge of Anderson's desk, her arms holding her weight and her legs swinging casually as she kept her eyes on the floor. James was envious of her relaxed stance but quickly pushed the thought aside. It was because of emotions like that he was here, in the state he was in.

'James, I have new orders for you,' Anderson handed him a datapad.

James gulped down the lump in his throat as he reached for it. His hand was shaking as he took it. _Focus, idiot. Be professional._ He couldn't stop the room from spinning though as he lowered his eyes.

_Transfer orders_

James fought nausea as he read the first line, his vision swam and he wondered if Anderson would forgive him if he threw up on the floor. Shepard slid off the desk and James watched her walk to the window, keeping her back to him as she looked out, would she even say goodbye. He memorised every movement, the fall of her hair onto her shoulders, the curve of her hips leading to that perfect backside. If this was to be the last time he saw her he would burn the image into his brain, etch it so deep he'd never lose it.

Her shoulders were shaking. James frowned, was she upset because she was sending him away. Why? Anderson moved and caught James' attention. The admiral suddenly seemed extremely interested in the contents of his desk drawer. James' frown deepened and he looked from Anderson to Shepard. Neither was looking at him, in fact, he was certain they were deliberately trying not to. Something wasn't right. They couldn't both be upset about his lack of focus, if Anderson had any doubts about James' ability to do his job he would have said something, not just given him new orders. He dropped his eyes back to the datapad so quickly pain shot through the back of his head.

_Effective Date: at completion of current posting._

James' eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

_New Posting: SSV Normandy SR-2_

_Position: Ground & Reconnaissance Marine support/Armoury Officer_

_CO: Commander Andora Shepard._

James almost dropped the datapad. He fumbled to catch it as it fell between his knees. Fear and despair turned to confusion but quickly became absolute pure joy. Laughter made him look up to find Shepard leaning against the wall holding her sides as she doubled up with tears rolling down her face. Anderson guffawed as he sat in his chair and looked at James apologetically.

'I'm sorry James,' he gasped between sucking in air, 'she made me do it. But the look on your face …'

These weren't officers of the Alliance, these were friends, family, sharing a joke at his expense. He wasn't sure whether to be hurt, offended or pleased to be included in their little game. He stared at them both, fish mouthing as words refused to form.

'James, are you alright?' Anderson's laughter had subsided and he watched James as he stood and began pacing.

James couldn't get his thoughts to form a coherent pattern. He was angry at being led on, stunned that they accepted him enough to do it, absolutely amazed that Shepard had kept a straight face and not given any hint to what she had planned. Suddenly a though hit him.

'Is this genuine or all part of the joke,' James waved the datapad at them, his flailing emotions obviously evident.

Shepard stopped laughing and with a soft smile she met his eyes. 'It's genuine,' she walked over and placed her hand on his arm. 'I'm sorry James, I didn't mean to upset you but you needed to learn to control your emotions and telling you wouldn't be enough.' She lifted the datapad, 'you didn't finish reading.'

James held her gaze for a moment before dropping his eyes back to the screen. A new commendation had been added to his file:

_By his exceptional ability, personal initiative and total dedication to duty, First Lieutenant James Vega reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Alliance_ _._ _His willingness to go above and beyond, to sacrifice himself to save others and his defence and command of his unit in dangerous situations is indicative of everything an Alliance soldier strives for._

Beneath that was a list of events that resulted in him receiving the commendation. Included in that was the initiative to use Shepard's knowledge to build a training plan in order to save lives.

James was astounded. He hadn't done anything any other Alliance soldier wouldn't do: he didn't deserve this. To him it seemed like the common sense thing to do, obviously others thought differently. Memories of the last time he'd received a commendation flooded in. The feelings of grief and guilt overwhelmed him and he stumbled. A hand gripped his arm, it was warm and supportive and it grounded his floundering emotions.

'James?' Shepard's concerned voice gave him focus.

'I'm good,' he met her eyes and nodded. 'Why?'

'Because you deserve it, and the fact that you have to ask proves it.' She smiled at him, a genuine heartfelt smile that made his heart flutter. 'You took a poisoned blade for me James. You planned, executed and completed a mission with limited intel and maximum risk, you protected your team and civilians. You did all that without a single thought for your own safety, with precision and skill that more experienced officers don't have. Add to that your ability to see a useful resource and use it to save lives. Accept it. You're a good soldier James.'

He simply nodded and sucked in a breath. 'How could you do this, you're not an Alliance officer right now?'

'She didn't,' Anderson drew his attention back to the admiral. 'It was her idea but I supported it and made sure the commendation was approved.'

'Thank you,' James looked from one to the other, still dumbfounded that they saw so much in him.

'You're welcome,' Shepard laughed, 'I did think you were going to be sick for a moment there though.'

'You played me, Shepard,' James smirked at her, 'you do know about payback, right.'

Anderson's laughter made them both turn towards him, 'I knew putting you two together was a good thing.' He sat back in his chair as two pair of eyes stared at him in amazement. 'Get out of here,' he waved them towards the door, 'don't you have a team debrief to do or something.'

James was about to turn towards the door but stopped as a thought occurred. 'Sir, how can Shepard be the CO of the Normandy if she's not an Alliance officer?'

'Don't worry, that will be fixed, the sooner the better,' Anderson scowled and James got the impression he was dealing with his own frustrations.

James and Shepard left the office and a gasp made them both pause as they passed by the secretary's desk. Brody was on his feet, half-lifting his arm to salute but James and Shepard were out the door before he finished. James wore a smug smile as he glanced back, catching a glimpse of Brody's awed face between the closing door. You don't get this posting junior, it's all mine.

'Were we ever that young?' Shepard chuckled.

'I was, are you getting to old to remember, Shepard,' James smirked as she scowled at him before laughing softly and taking up position beside him.

She leant closer and whispered, 'Experienced is more the word I'd use,' and James felt the colour rush to his face.

Oh, she was asking for payback, all he had to do was come up with something worthy.

* * *

'But what do you do if you get swarmed?' Stokes asked as he reached for one of the apple pies Zahedi had brought as his part of dinner. 'How do you get them off you?'

An image on the screen showed Stokes being overrun with husks and while they might have been simulations the fear was real. Panic showed on his face and James remembered the relieved look he'd received when he pulled two of the monsters off him.

'Everything you can think of,' Shepard tipped the last of the Thai noodles onto her plate and grinned at James, that had been his part of dinner because he knew she liked them. 'Use your gun, shoot it, swing it, use it like a club. Kick, punch, push, scream in their ear, it might make them flinch enough to give you room to move. Just do what you have to do to get out from under them.' She grinned around a mouthful of food, 'I've dropped to the ground and rolled between their legs,' she used her hand to indicate them flying apart, 'toppled them like pins in a bowling alley.'

James chuckled, only Shepard would think of doing that. Not something he'd find easy with his size but he could imagine throwing them off with his sheer strength. At least he hoped he would. He didn't plan to let them get that close.

'If you're lucky, Mr Stokes, you'll have a biotic beside you, who can throw them,' Zahedi pushed away the remains of a pizza which Buckner quickly added to his plate.

James was surprised at how relaxed they all were. When he'd contacted them to organise a debriefing they'd been enthusiastic and eager so they'd agreed to meet over dinner in Shepard's room. They'd all brought something to add to the table for dinner, which worked out well. Zahedi had even brought homemade apple or peach pies that were the best James had ever tasted.

'Either that or someone with a shotgun to blow them away,' Buckner snorted and James understood now that while he might be crass, rude and sometimes obnoxious Buckner would always be there for his team, giving his life if necessary.

'Nothing like a bit of carnage,' James grinned and Buckner slapped him on the shoulder.

'The best idea is not to let them get close enough,' Shepard brought them back on topic and indicated James should let the simulator footage roll.

The food was momentarily forgotten as they watched Shepard dance around the arena. Her movements were fluid, precise and exact. She sent out drones and turrets, followed James' carnage with an incinerate and there was nothing left of the husks but lumps of glowing blue skin. They never got close enough to swarm her, she was always one roll or one jump ahead of them. If they did get close she dropped to her knee and took out their legs then, if they were close enough, followed through with a swing from her omniblade, separating their torsos.

'I want one of those,' Stokes sighed.

'I just want to learn those moves,' Buckner smirked and James could relate.

'It's just practice,' Shepard shrugged and they all stared at her in disbelief.

'We haven't been to N School,' Buckner reminded her.

'Not yet,' she grinned, 'but I could do a lot of that before I got there.'

'The skill comes not from learning the ability but from knowing you can do it.' Zahedi said and everyone groaned and rolled their eyes, except Shepard who simply laughed and nodded.

They ran through the simulations a few more times, taking note of where they'd gone wrong, what had been successful and listening intently to anything Shepard suggested. They discussed the possibilities of what reapers would make from other races and that provided lots of laughter as they tried to draw their ideas. When they were done and getting ready to leave Shepard gave them one final piece of advice.

'Make sure you share this knowledge, when you're on the ground, having lunch, in the showers.' She looked from one to the other. 'War is coming and if we can help make sure the human race survives we have to do it. They might call you insane, compare you to me, but they will remember what you've said.'

'I can think of worse things than being compared to you, Shepard,' Buckner spoke for all of them and she rolled her eyes at him.

'I'm just a soldier, maybe a little more experienced, but my skills are all learned.' There was pride in her eyes as she looked at them in turn, 'you're all soldiers and I'd be proud to have all of you on the Normandy.'

It was a glowing endorsement and as one they snapped to attention and saluted. James was sure he saw her breath catch and her hand shook as she saluted back. Then the others were gone and it was just the two of them. They both set about cleaning up from dinner, not speaking but comfortable in each others company.

'James,' Shepard leant against the counter and met his eyes, 'I want to do something but I need to use your omnitool.'

James was about to hand it over but she stopped him and simply held his arm so he could see what she was doing. He watched as she opened up a storefront that he'd never seen before and placed an order. Mods for Buckner, the latest amp for Zahedi, tech mods for Stokes and the highest available omnitools for everyone, including himself, and she made sure Stokes had an omniblade. James grinned, he could just imagine Stokes' face when he received that. Then she went further and his eyes widened as he saw what she was ordering for him. He was speechless; never in a hundred years could he afford the armour she was buying.

'Shepard …'

She met his eyes, 'let me do this, consider it a thank you for saving my life. If I can give all of you the equipment to save your life, to give you that extra few seconds that could be the difference between living and dying then I will do it.'

James didn't know how to respond as she finished filling the order and closed down his omnitool. When she was done he realised that she looked tired, it was late and time for him to leave. He headed for the door and felt her following. Suddenly he stopped.

He spun on his heel, didn't think or hesitate. He stepped back towards her, placed his hands either side of her head and kissed her. It wasn't a passionate kiss but it certainly wasn't chaste. It was a thank you kiss, an, I think you're amazing kiss and there was just a little of the attraction he felt in there too. Her lips parted beneath his as her hands came up and rested over his wrists. It was unplanned but it was the most intense kiss he'd ever had. The softness of her lips, the scent of her shampoo, the gentle way she held his arms all conspired against him and he wanted so much more. But this wasn't the moment.

He pulled back. Her eyes slowly opened,  the intensity of her gaze made him gasp and she smiled.

'Shepard, you are something,' the emotion he was feeling made his voice husky and she shivered. He smiled softly, released his hold, turned and left.

He glanced back as he stepped through the door to find her standing where he'd left her. Her smile was still there as her fingers rested on her lips and her eyes held a softness James had never seen before. He was grinning as the door closed behind him. He'd never been an impulsive person, until tonight, but he didn't regret a thing. Not a single thing.


	23. Chapter 23

**** 23 ****

Shepard glanced up as the door closed. Her fingers lingered on her lips, the warmth and tenderness of James' kiss still tingling as she ran her tongue across them. He'd surprised her, and that didn't happen often. Yet it felt good, she smiled as she touched her cheek where his hands had rested. Forceful but gentle. James Vega was a contradiction.

He was strong, muscular, a powerhouse of determination and skill and yet he was tender, gentle, with a softness that he didn't show easily. On one hand he appeared untouchable, the perfect soldier, built to fight and win. On the other, there was a caring soul, easily hurt and feeling every bit of the grief and pain that came with being that soldier. James Vega, the man, was someone she could open up to, trust and believe in. Something about him made her believe in him.

He was like her. Her eyes widened in recognition of what she saw in James. She saw herself without the experiences that made her who she was. But he was on his way to becoming more like her, he had the fight and the conviction to follow in her shoes. He could be her sounding board, her conscience because he hadn't had to make the decisions she had but he thought the same way. He would see both sides of the argument just as she did, or used to before she died and started doubting everything, including herself.

She stared at the closed door. On the other side was a man she hardly knew and yet she felt as if she'd known him all her life. It was as if she'd come home, found her safe harbour. She'd never been one to believe in instant attraction, love at first sight, but now ... She sighed and forced herself to move, to dress for bed and lay her head down. Her fingers went to her lips as she closed her eyes and gave in to sleep, her last thought was of warm brown eyes and gentle hands on her skin.

* * *

_Well, that was unexpected._

James stood across the hall from Shepard's door, staring absently out the window at the lights of Vancouver. It was quiet in the corridors but he was acutely aware of the odd person who passed through. His thoughts were locked on that kiss and he couldn't stop the grin that was plastered to his face. He still couldn't believe that he done it. What was even more unbelievable was that Shepard hadn't knocked him on his ass, yelled at him for being stupid and overstepping boundaries.

He glanced over his shoulder at the closed door. Was she thinking about him? Was she disgusted? Was she pleased, would she like him to do it again, more seriously? The feel of her skin under his hands was something he would always remember, like the feel of silk, soft and sensual. He would savour the taste of her lips, their softness and the way she parted them as if she approved. He could still feel the warmth of her hands where they'd rested on his arms. _Damn, he was in deep shit._

He brought up the camera feed, wanting a look at the woman who was worming her way into his heart. Then he realised just how much trouble he could be in. He sighed as he sent off a message.

_Vega, J: Stokes, you up?_

_Stokes, M: Yeah, something wrong LT?_

_Vega, J: I need you to delete some footage from Shepard's room, you'll know it when you see it._

There was no response for a moment and James wondered if he'd pushed his luck too far. He was asking the techie to lie for him.

_Stokes, M: Damn, LT, you've got it bad._

James could just see him laughing on the other end.

_Vega, J: Can you do it or not?_

_Stokes, M: You doubt me!_

James shook his head with a laugh.

_Vega, J: Not for a moment._

_Stokes, M: Consider it done. You do realise you're giving me lots of blackmail material here._

_Vega, J: What, you want my t-shirt as payment?_

_Stokes, M: Are you serious – that thing would be ten sizes too big. Do you want a copy of what I'm deleting?_

James thought for a moment but realised the risk was too great.

_Vega, J: Nah, just get rid of it. Thanks Stokes._

_Stokes, M: Not a problem, bet you have sweet dreams tonight._

_Vega, J: Goodnight, Stokes._

James closed down the message window with a chuckle. Stokes was a good kid and James thought he might recommend him to Anderson for promotion. He wondered what would happen to Stokes, to his team when Shepard was free. If Shepard was freed. Right now he wasn't sure that was going to happen, unless of course the reapers landed on their heads. That thought made him think of something else. He opened up a video call.

'Hey James,' the face on the other end was smiling and James felt guilty for not staying in touch. 'How's it going out there? Haven't heard from you for a while.'

'Yeah, sorry about that,' James hadn't contacted any of his family since Fehl Prime, he hadn't wanted their pity or misguided concern. 'How is everyone?'

'Fine, worried about you,' Emilio Vega frowned at him, 'What's wrong, James?'

James paused for a moment, how did you tell someone that big assed machines were coming to wipe them out and they needed to hide.

'Tio, you and the family need to get out of the city, immediately."

'James, what's going on?'

'Have you been following the news, the reports on Commander Shepard?' James' face softened as he thought about her.

'Is there something I should know about you and her?' Emilio was grinning and James remembered how intuitive his uncle was.

'No, I'm guarding her while the pendejos in charge decide what to do with her.' He shook his head and continued, 'you need to leave, go to your hunting lodge, take everyone with you.'

'She's telling the truth?'

'Yeah, she is.' James nodded and sighed, 'don't wait, tio, go now.'

'Alright,' he nodded and relief washed over James, 'we'll leave first thing. What about you?'

'If everything goes to plan, I'll be on the Normandy.'

'James, that's fantastic news,' Emilio was grinning at him and James chuckled. 'You finally get the posting you always wanted.'

'Yeah, just wish it was under different circumstances.'

'I'm proud of you Jimmy,' Emilio snorted a laugh at the disgusted look on James' face. 'You take care out there and please let me know you're still alive at some time.'

'I will,' James nodded, 'give my love to everyone.' With a last glance at the man who had been more of a father to him than his real father had he closed down the screen.

He went back to staring out at the lights, wondering if his family would survive, if any of them would survive.

* * *

Soft kisses on her neck woke her from the deepest sleep she'd had in a long time. With her eyes still closed she stretched lazily as the kisses worked their way around her jaw until lips found hers. A hand stroked her face as she succumbed to the passion in the kiss that sent heat all the way to her toes. The hand began working its way down her neck, across her shoulders and light fingers brushed her nipple. The touch was electric as her nipple instantly hardened and those magical fingers held it gently as the hand cupped her breast.

The lips left hers and traveled down her neck coming to rest on the top of her breast. She held her breath as heat surrounded her nipple, as a tongue flicked it and lips sucked it in. Heat pooled between her legs as those wonderful lips sucked gently and fingers ran across her hip and down her thigh. A moan escaped as fingers ran up the inside of her thigh and found her wet and waiting for their touch.

And what a touch it was. She arced off the bed and reached for something to grip. She found a muscular shoulder and she heard a chuckle as she dug her fingers in, unable to control the rush of euphoria that resulted from fingers pleasuring her in ways she didn't think possible. She shivered as her nipple was released into the cool air, as lips worked their way across her abdomen and met up with fingers that flicked and stroked until she didn't think she could take any more.

She felt the heat of breath as tender hands parted her thighs, as feather light kisses worked their way between them. She moaned in absolute ecstasy as lips surrounded the most sensitive part of her, as fingers worked their magic, finding the perfect spot and making her see stars.

'Dios Mio you're beautiful.'

'James.' It was a moan as she lifted her head and looked into his warm, lust filled eyes.

Shepard shot upright. Her heart raced, her body still tingled, being so close to the edge and not going over was agonising and her body wanted to continue. 'What the fuck!' She fought to slow her breathing, to gather senses still reeling from sensations that had been so real.

She glanced around to confirm that she was alone, that it had been a dream. Light shadows told her it was almost sunrise. With a groan she dropped back onto the pillow. She'd never dreamt like that before, the intensity still lingered and for a moment she thought about closing her eyes to see if she could find it again. The idea of James touching her, finding all the right spots was enticing.

Then reality grabbed hold. With a frustrated growl she threw the covers aside and marched into the bathroom. She hated her traitorous body for responding like it had and it deserved the torture of a cold shower. She relented though and ran the hot water. Her body was only doing what her subconscious apparently wanted so she couldn't blame it. It probably had something to do with that kiss, damn James for making her dream about him. But what a pleasant dream it was.

A smile almost broke out before she yanked it back, thumping her fist on the tiles to force her concentration elsewhere. She didn't have time for this, there was a galaxy to save. And how could she look James in the eyes if she was fantasising about him. Would he see it, would it give him ideas? Would that be a bad thing?

'Stop it!' She pushed her head under the water to drown her inappropriate thoughts. 'Enough already.' She scrubbed herself clean a little harder than necessary then hurriedly dried and dressed.

With coffee in hand she stood and watched the sun break the horizon, her eyes glanced upwards as a cold shiver passed through her. Dread formed a knot in her stomach and she jumped as the door opened.

'Commander,' Zahedi looked at her in concern, 'is something wrong?' He carried her breakfast tray to the table.

'No,' she shook her head and took a seat. 'Can you join me, have coffee.' She indicated the seat opposite and Zahedi nodded and sat. She was thankful and glad not to be alone.

'Mr Vega will be here in an hour,' Zahedi said as he poured them both fresh coffee. 'I believe he is intending to take you to the gym. I think he likes to punish himself.'

'He does end up on the floor a lot,' Shepard chuckled but she felt her face flush at the thought of James on the floor beneath her.

'He is a good man,' Zahedi had a smug smile on his face as she looked up at him.

'Yes he is, a very good soldier,' she agreed and Zahedi's smile turned into a grin. Damn him, he knew what she was thinking, he was a very intuitive person and sometimes he saw right through her.

'Someone you can trust to stand beside you,' his teeth flashed white as he laughed at the scowl she gave him. 'Or beneath you as the case may be.'

'Damn it Zahedi,' she grinned at the innuendo, 'just stop.' She flicked her eyes towards the camera in the corner, were his beautiful brown eyes watching her right now, she thought they might be.

'Stop what Commander,' he sipped his coffee innocently and she laughed. 'He is a good man,' he repeated, 'he will not hurt you because it would hurt him more.'

'I really think you're in the wrong profession Zahedi,' she sighed and swallowed a mouthful of food, 'is your family safe?'

'Yes, I have not heard from them but they were heading for some caves in the mountains,' he glanced out the window and Shepard followed his gaze.

The sky was light now but grey clouds were gathering on the horizon, a storm was coming. Shepard felt icy fingers on the back of her neck and she shivered. She didn't know how but she knew. They were out of time.

* * *

James awoke with a groan, his painful throbbing erection evidence of his dream. He could still taste Shepard on his lips, still picture himself looking up at her from between firm, creamy thighs, meeting her dark brown eyes that held pure want. It was agonising to be so close and have it all ripped away. The lingering feel of his lips on hers, his trail of kisses down her body, the feel of a nipple in his mouth only made his erection throb harder. The intensity of his dream overwhelmed him and he clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into his palm to give himself something else to focus on. It didn't work.

He forced himself out of bed. It was getting harder to ignore his growing attraction to Shepard and as much as he knew he should he just couldn't do it. He felt like they belonged together, two halves of a whole and he wondered if this was what he had been waiting for. It was like he'd known her forever, and yet he didn't really know her at all. There were still things to discover about Shepard but he so badly wanted to take that journey, to find the secret places of Shepard that no-one else ever had.

The shower wasn't helping much but he refused to relieve his pain, he wasn't going to use Shepard as his fantasy any longer. She deserved better than that so he turned the temperature down and shivered as he waited for his body to settle. Eventually he was able to dress without worrying about things being obvious.

He checked the camera feed and saw that Zahedi was having breakfast with Shepard. There was a twinge in his chest but he ignored it. Zahedi was on duty, James wasn't due on shift for another hour. It was an innocent breakfast and he liked the idea of Shepard not being alone. His gaze lingered on Shepard and he wondered if anything would ever come of whatever this thing was between them because he was sure she felt it too. The way her fingers had been on her lips after he kissed her, the way she smiled and the warmth in her eyes left little doubt. Her eyes flicked up to the camera, as if she knew he was watching and he jerked back in surprise.

Damnit, he had to stop this. He had to focus, stop letting his emotions control him. With a deep breath he headed for the cafeteria as his stomach growled and brought his thoughts back to more practical things. He'd tried to get them into the simulator again but, apparently, it was working overtime, in fact he'd heard they'd opened up two other simulators that were hardly used to cope with demand. It was comforting to know that others believed Shepard and were making good use of her knowledge.

However, that meant they were relegated to the gym. He grinned at the thought of Shepard putting him on his ass, the idea of being beneath her was something he could live with. He growled in frustration. Thoughts like that weren't helping. Still, having her straddling his hips … _For fuck's sake! Get a grip._

The cafeteria was crowded and the chatter around him was relaxing as he took his time and focused on his food. The feeling of being watched made him glance up to find several people looking at him and he gave them all questioning stares. One marine stared back before getting to his feet and moving to stand over James.

'You're the one guarding Shepard?'

'Yeah,' James picked up his coffee casually, wondering where this was going.

'Is she the traitor they say she is?'

James looked out at the room that had suddenly gone quiet. Why now? Shepard had been in detention for months, had been here at Alliance HQ for some of that time. This wasn't the first time he'd been in the cafeteria so why now? Maybe word was spreading that Shepard might be telling the truth. He placed his palms flat on the table and slowly pushed himself to his feet, bringing him to eye level with the marine. He glanced at the Lieutenants bars on his uniform before meeting his questioning eyes.

'No, she isn't.'

'How can you be so sure,' the marine sneered at him. James was tempted to wipe that sneer from his face.

'Because I've read the reports, I've seen what she did to save ignorant people like you.'

'So why are the brass keeping her prisoner?'

James knew he should keep his mouth shut, stick to the official storyline, but there was too much at stake. 'Because they're afraid.'

A collective gasp echoed around the room, chairs scraped the floor as others got to their feet. In moments James was surrounded by people wanting to know more, wanting to know if their families would be safe, how long did they have? It took him by surprise and he held up his hands to signal for quiet.

'How can they be afraid?' The marine who started it all spoke for everyone. 'The Alliance can defeat these so called monsters.'

'Can they?' James knew he was on dangerous ground but … 'I was at the Citadel, I saw one of these things take down dozens of ships.'

'So why did she destroy a mass relay, kill so many batarians?' His question had others nodding agreement.

'Because if she hadn't you'd all be dead by now … or worse.' James watched as opinions changed again, as confusion and uncertainty took hold. 'Look, if you want to know more go check out the simulators, look for footage from the Citadel, talk to those who were there. Make up your own minds.' He looked at the faces around him, 'but do it now, don't wait.'

He was relieved when everyone started walking away. The outspoken marine was the last to leave and he gave James a nod that seemed to indicate respect but it could have been disgust for all James knew.

He was placing his tray on the dirty pile when something made him look out the window. The city was shining brightly in the morning sun but shadows were forming as storm clouds rolled towards them. That wasn't going to be pleasant. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and a dark sense of foreboding rippled down his spine. They were coming. He knew it. They were out of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case -
> 
> Tio = uncle
> 
> Dios mio = my god


	24. Chapter 24

**** 24 ****

James stuck to his planned schedule. The knots in his stomach tightened as he headed for Shepard's room. He couldn't do anything until something happened or someone gave him orders. So, normality it was.

Zahedi was just leaving Shepard's room and James was so lost in thought he almost walked into him. Zahedi placed his hand on James' shoulder and James felt a tingle where they touched. He met Zahedi's questioning stare before glancing over the man's shoulder to see Shepard looking at him. Her pale, worried face told him everything he needed to know.

'Mr Vega, you seem disturbed,' Zahedi stepped forward so the door to Shepard's room closed behind him, blocking Shepard from view and forcing James to concentrate on the biotic.

'Yeah, just a feeling,' James sighed and shrugged.

'Then you and the commander are in sync, she too has this feeling.' Zahedi removed his hand and James followed him to the window where they both raised their eyes to the sky.

'Zahedi, have you been given a posting for when Shepard is released?' James turned his gaze to Zahedi who looked at him through narrowed eyes.

'Only to report to Admiral Anderson for orders,' the biotic shrugged. 'I feel that this will be sooner rather than later, yes?'

'I don't know,' James blew out a breath and leant against the glass. 'I just feel …' _Scared, terrified, eager for the fight to start._ James wasn't really sure what he felt.

'You believe they are here?'

'Yes … no … I don't know. Fuck!' James pushed off the window, ran his hands through his hair and paced, the small space around them not enough to help relieve his frustration and growing fear.

'It seems the commander believes so too, perhaps because you have both had contact with reaper forces it has given you an insight others lack.' Zahedi nodded his head in the direction of her door. 'I think she needs you now more than ever.'

'Yeah,' James moved towards her door but stopped and looked at Zahedi, 'make sure you're ready. Carry a weapon, ammo and medigel, if you can get to Buckner and Stokes too.'

'Do not worry about us, Mr Vega, you just take care of the commander.' Zahedi grinned and James nodded before continuing his journey to her door.

He opened the door to find her staring out the window, looking at the sky. Her fists were clenched at her side and James could feel the tension radiating off her. It only added to his own and he rolled his shoulders and neck to try to ease it.

'Shepard,' he stepped inside.

'James,' she turned as she spoke, 'are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm good,' he forced a grin but she saw through him.

'You feel it too?' She stepped towards him and he could see the relief in her eyes.

'I feel … something,' he nodded.

'Zahedi seems to think I have this connection because I've been around the reapers.' She laughed but there was no humour in it.

'Said the same to me,' James stepped towards her, he had a sudden urge to grab her hand and run, to find shelter, somewhere to hide. 'Don't know if I believe him,' he shrugged and Shepard gave him a genuine smile.

'Guess we'll find out soon enough,' she sucked in a breath and James watched in awe as she pushed down her fear and met his eyes. 'What's on the agenda for today? Zahedi said something about you wanting to get your ass kicked again.' She smirked at him, her eyes teasing and her mood considerably lighter.

James laughed and followed her example, pushing down the dread, ignoring the knots in his stomach. 'One of these days I might surprise you.'

'Maybe,' she leaned closer as she walked past him, 'but not today.'

James was chuckling and shaking his head as he followed her to the door. He stepped out ahead of her but she was so close he could feel her warmth on his back. He wondered if she was going to mention the kiss, whether she would tell him off now she had the chance. She didn't say anything and he glanced back to find her smiling at him.

'What?' he stepped back beside her.

'Nothing,' she grinned and turned her eyes forward.

'Nothing?'

'Nope,' her grin got wider and James found himself smiling in response.

It wasn't until they reached the gym and were stepping into the boxing ring that she said anything more. She leaned towards him so no-one could overhear.

'Nice kiss by the way.'

James tripped over his own feet and tumbled through the ropes, only just managing to stay upright as she stood in the corner innocently watching him. Someone snorted behind him and he scowled at her as she laughed, wrapped her hands then bounced on her toes waiting for him.

James knew he wasn't concentrating when he ended up on his back for the third time in ten minutes. Shepard placed her knee on his chest and leaned over him. She met his eyes and he knew he was letting her down. He wasn't sure if it was her comment or the growing sense of urgency that was getting stronger by the minute but he knew he had to do better.

'James, you need to focus,' there was no criticism or condemnation just a simple statement.

'Yeah, sorry, L … Shepard,' he took her hand as she helped him to his feet. She was looking at him from under raised eyebrows. 'What?'

'Get your head on straight James,' she grinned at him, 'while I enjoy seeing you on your back it would be nice to have a little competition.' She looked at him strangely when he chuckled and leaned forward.

'So, you like me on my back and you like my kisses,' he laughed as she spluttered in surprise. 'I'm focused now,' he raised his fists, 'let's do this.'

'You are so going down, Vega,' she gave him a grin that was pure evil and he had a sudden feeling he hadn't seen her best.

He knew Shepard wasn't concentrating when he managed to drop her and hold her shoulders on the mat. It was the only reason he was able to get the upper hand. He met her eyes and what he saw made his blood run cold. She was afraid. He felt her grip his arms and he expected to be thrown clear but instead she glanced at the small window and he followed her gaze. It was several seconds before he realised he was still holding her down, that her hands were holding his arms as if she needed something solid to hold on to.

'James, I think we should go back to my room,' she turned to face him, her hands resting on his arms, not pushing him away.

'Yeah,' he stood and helped her to her feet, holding onto her hand a little longer than necessary but she didn't seem to mind, or she didn't notice. He was hoping it was the former.

The hallways seemed a little more crowded as they made their way back and he noticed that Shepard was continually looking out the window. The sense of dread intensified as they approached her room and he couldn't shake the cold that had settled in his veins. He was about to follow her inside when his omnitool beeped. He stopped to check it as Shepard disappeared behind the closed door.

'The Defence Council wants to see Commander Shepard immediately.'

James' guts clenched even tighter. This wasn't a typical summons for the prisoner, this was a formal order with rank and title. Her days of being a prisoner were over. He knew there could only be one reason for that.

Minutes later they were back in the corridor, moving quickly, matching the hurried pace of everyone around them. There was palpable fear in the air. It crawled over his skin forcing the hairs to stand at attention and from the way Shepard was worriedly scanning the crowd he guessed she felt it too. It made his neck tingle and the need to punch something or shoot someone kicked in. His hand instinctively went to his pistol but he had no target.

Anderson met them on the main thoroughfare and James felt his blood freeze as he told them that Hackett was mobilising the fleet. James glanced around in concern. There were dozens of people rushing past and he realised that it was probably too late for any of them. They weren't prepared for this. He was half listening to the conversation between Anderson and Shepard until she stopped and he almost ran into her.

'It's the reapers, what else can it be?'

Anderson urged them forward and James almost scoffed aloud at the idea that now the Defence Council wanted her help. Obviously Shepard's thoughts were traveling the same path because she stopped again and glared at Anderson.

'Is that why they grounded me, took away my ship?'

Anderson shook his head with a sigh, 'you know that's not true.'

'Really, seems like it from where I'm standing.' Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and cocked a hip.

'Look, Shepard, you're the only one with experience, the only one that's fought these things. You wanted the chance to help, now you can.'

'It's too late,' she dropped her arms, stared at the floor and shook her head. 'I know you've been on my side,' she raised her eyes and James could see the affection she held for Anderson, 'I appreciate everything you've done for me. But it's too late.'

James agreed. Anderson nodded and then they were moving, picking up speed. They reached the council chambers and James realised that this was probably the last time he would see Shepard as his charge. If the council had any sense she would be reinstated, given back her ship and command. It might be the last chance he had to talk to her as anything other than a subordinate.

'Good luck in there, Shepard,' he called and was relieved when she turned to face him and took his hand.

'Thanks, James, for everything.' She held his hand in hers and he was surprised to see sadness in her eyes. 'Whatever happens today, I want you to know …'

'Shepard.'

James felt her stiffen and her fingers tightened around his. Her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed as she turned to face whoever had called her name.

'Kaidan.'

James looked at the man standing with Anderson. He was everything women would look for, tall, dark and handsome. His manner was one of confidence and James pulled himself erect and squared his shoulders as Shepard walked away from him. There was something about him that was familiar and from Shepard's reaction he was obviously someone she knew but wasn't happy to see. They were just too far away for James to hear what they were saying but the look on Kaidan's face left little doubt. James felt the familiar pull of jealousy as he watched them, that look was one he knew very well, he saw it when he looked in the mirror. This man had feelings for Shepard. Anderson and Shepard continued into the council chamber but James needed to know more about the man watching Shepard leave.

'You know the commander?' James stepped up behind him.

'I used to,' the wistful tone in his voice made James stomach clench. There was regret in the eyes that came to rest on him, 'Major Kaidan Alenko.' He held out his hand.

'Lieutenant James Vega,' he took the offered hand even though he wanted to break every bone in it.

'I assume you're her bodyguard,' Alenko looked him up and down and James resisted the urge to flex.

'Yeah, six months now.'

'How's she holding up?'

'She's dealing,' James wanted to say more. He wanted to know why, if he cared about her, why he hadn't visited her. Why hadn't he even sent her a message?

'That's what she does,' Alenko smirked and James suddenly realised who this man was.

'You served with her, on the original Normandy.'

'Yes, I did.' He nodded and James immediately understood why there was regret and sadness in his eyes.

This man had broken her heart. He was the one who turned her down on Horizon, left her to deal with Cerberus and the collectors without him. James was confused. There were obviously still feelings there so why had he done it, why had he walked away from a woman James could never leave behind. Then another thought occurred. If there were still feelings there was he hoping to repair the damage, get back the woman he lost?

'I guess I'd …'

Alenko's words disappeared under the most bloodcurdling sound James had ever heard. One look at Alenko's pale face was enough to start him moving towards the closed door between him and Shepard. He'd taken two steps when the building shook violently. He struggled to maintain his footing as parts of the ceiling dropped around them. People were falling, debris piled up, the building heaved as a thunderous roar sounded behind the doors that stood in his way.

The fight to stand was lost as he stumbled to his knees. Screams sounded around him but it was nothing compared to the rumbling, echoing clarion outside, it made his ears vibrate. He shook his head to clear his hearing as he scrambled to his feet. His heart stopped and his world narrowed to a single point as he looked at the crumpled, destroyed mess that had once been doors.

'Shepard!' He rushed forward, determined to dig until his fingers bled if it meant he would find her.

'Lieutenant!' Alenko called to him but James kept pulling at debris. A hand on his arm made him turn with a growl and Alenko removed his hand quickly. 'Shepard's alive, Anderson is getting her out. Help me with these people then we can get to the Normandy.'

James glanced from Alenko to the mangled doors and back again. His words took a moment to register but finally he nodded and moved to help a woman with a jagged cut on her head as she stumbled over debris. James followed Alenko's lead and helped those they could get to safety. It wasn't until they were out in the corridor that they realised just how bad things were.

Alenko stopped and stared through what had been windows but were now just shattered openings looking out over absolute devastation. Acrid smoke and bile raising smells blew in on the wind and he could hear people gagging behind him. James thought he'd been ready for this but he couldn't have been more wrong. As he watched mechanical monsters that made skyscrapers look like toy models crush everything beneath them James understood just how insignificant humanity was. They didn't have a hope in hell.

'Lieutenant,' Alenko was calling to him but James found it hard to tear his eyes away from the nightmare outside. 'Vega, we need to go.'

'Right,' James reached for his pistol, desperately wishing it were his shotgun or assault rifle.

Things only got worse when they finally reached the streets. People were running, screaming, panicking. James couldn't blame them but if they wanted to survive they needed to be sensible, think about where they were running too. He was about to reach out to a woman carrying a small child as she ran past him but the ground trembled and everything turned red. Alenko grabbed him and pulled him down behind an overturned car as a powerful red beam swept through where he'd been standing and heat washed over him. When it passed he looked up to find that the woman and child were gone. He hadn't saved them.

Alenko tapped his arm and James stood and followed him as he headed away from HQ, into streets that echoed with crashing debris, that were littered with burning wrecks and bodies. There were no more shining jewels, the hammer had fallen and completely shattered all that was beautiful. Everywhere he looked there were bodies, buried under rubble, crushed beneath upturned vehicles, burned or torn asunder: there were too many already.

Repeated thumps made the ground shake and as they rounded a corner James stopped and gaped at what could only be described as abominations. The whistle of bullets and the shattered concrete bouncing against his boots made him dash for cover. He crouched alongside Alenko behind what had been part of a building as across the road a group of soldiers shot at enemy troops.

James chanced a glance over the barricade as Alenko's hand turned blue. He watched as a handful of grotesque things flew backwards, as Alenko took a breath and followed through with a second throw as they got to their feet. James pulled his thoughts into focus and the soldier took over. He shot with absolute precision even though the pistol wasn't his weapon of choice. It took a few minutes but finally there was nothing left to shoot. Alenko dashed over to where the soldiers were crouching. James watched as he treated a shotgun wound and gave orders.

'There's an armoury and medical station inside HQ, in the sub-basement,' Alenko covered the man's wounds in medigel. 'Get to it, arm yourselves, find armour, supplies and medigel. Help others to arm themselves. Stay in cover and head to these co-ordinates,' he sent a nav point to their omnitools. 'These are rendezvous co-ordinates for survivors. Get as many as you can to the shelter that's set up there.'

'Yes, sir,' the soldiers got to their feet and helped the wounded man across the road.

'How did you know about the shelter?' James asked as they turned and jogged down the deserted, ruined street, instinctively ducking as pieces of buildings crashed down around them.

'Anderson had me helping prepare, figured I'd had experience.' Alenko grimaced as he stopped at a corner and checked their route. 'Shit!'

James leaned past him and peeked around the building. More monstrosities stood between them and a clear path through the park that was the quickest way to the Normandy. Alenko leant back against the wall and pulled his pistol.

'What the hell are those things?' James chanced another look around the corner.

'They look like they used to be batarians.'

James shivered, they'd laughed about what reapers might make out of other races but they'd come nowhere near close to this. The thought of that night brought James back to Shepard. Where was she? Was she safe? Would she make it to the Normandy? What if …

'Ready,' Alenko pulled his wandering mind back into focus and he nodded. They both jumped as part of the building behind them crashed to the ground, showering them in dirt and debris. Alenko simply rolled his eyes, 'let's do this.'

Side by side they rounded the corner. It was a strange thought that he was fighting beside the man who might be competition for Shepard's affections but right now he couldn't think about that, he had to forget emotion if they wanted to survive. James was amazed at Alenko's power as he lifted several of the reaper troops into the air while running for cover. James took care of those on the ground and he was grinning as he slid behind a destroyed bus shelter. This was what he lived for, trained for. It might be the end of the world but he wasn't going out with a whimper, he was going to rain down hell on those that threatened his home and those he loved.

Beside him Alenko chuckled, 'enjoying yourself?'

'Yep,' James leaned up and took out a creature that was getting too close before ducking back down as shots peppered the shelter. 'Every shot makes me happier, means there's one less monster to take down.'

'Nice philosophy,' he waved his hand and three more of whatever they were took flight then flew through the air as he flicked his wrist.

'Works for me,' James was about to take another shot, 'what the fuck!' His stomach turned and he wanted to heave as he watched one creature eat another.

'Shit,' Alenko glanced over the barrier. 'Guess we're calling these cannibals.'

The idea was sickening but it also meant that these things would keep regenerating while ever there were dead monsters around. James put a bullet into the head of the one that was eating, only to see another take advantage of its body. He shivered at the sheer horror of it. Another shot, another dead monster. He wanted nothing more than to get past these things and get to the Normandy. He heard Alenko talking to Anderson and felt some relief that communications were still working.

'We're taking heavy fire,' Alenko listened for a moment, 'I have Lieutenant Vega with me and yes he's fine.' Alenko glanced at him and James shrugged.

Alenko cursed as coms dropped out and James couldn't stop the worry from invading his thoughts. If they couldn't communicate they couldn't find each other. He leaned up and took out two more monsters as Alenko cursed and threw another two sideways. They needed to get to the Normandy and they needed to get there now. As if reading his thoughts Alenko met his eyes. As one they stood. Alenko threw a barrier around them but James knew it wouldn't last forever. He shot as Alenko used one hand to create the barrier and the other to lift enemies out of their way. Eventually they were in the clear but Alenko stumbled as they reached the park.

He might be a bastard for breaking Shepard's heart, James might hate him for doing it but right then he was a fellow soldier needing aid. James helped him to his feet and noticed blood on his face before Alenko wiped it away. He'd overtaxed himself. James supported his weight as they half ran half staggered across the park to where the Normandy waited. Together they crashed through the airlock and landed in a heap on the floor.

'About damn time,' Joker spun his chair back to the controls and the airlock closed behind them.

James felt the ship lift and he allowed himself a moment of rest. Now they could get Shepard and really start the fight against the reapers. He suddenly felt nervous as it occurred to him that he would be meeting her as his CO. Until now they'd shared a kind of friendship, with the possibility of it becoming something more, he didn't want to lose that, he couldn't lose that. Alenko got to his feet and James watched him take the co-pilot's seat as if he belonged there. James was on the Normandy, he was going to be serving under a woman he admired and respected, it was where he'd always wanted to be. It was the most bittersweet moment of his life.


	25. Chapter 25

**** 25 ****

The ship lurched and Joker cursed as they left the hangar and flew into open sky. But it wasn't open and it definitely wasn't clear. James watched over Joker's shoulder. His fingers dug gouges into the back of Joker's chair as he bounced around and fought to stay on his feet. Several ships trying to escape flailed in a crazy, confused dance where they stepped on each others toes and elbowed each other out of the way. Unfortunately that meant they were knocking hulls and more than one ship went careening out of control.

'Fuck!' Joker's hands were a blur on the controls and James was beginning to believe that he was as good as he said he was. 'Stupid bastards.'

The Normandy spun and rolled out of the way and James was relieved when the inertial dampeners kicked in and his feet hugged the deck. A reaper loomed large, filling their view, but Joker was quick to respond and they sailed past so fast it had no time to notice them.

"Shepard?' James glanced at Alenko who was frantically working another console.

'Not …'

'Normandy, this is Anderson.'

'We read you Admiral, what's your position?' Alenko was tweaking systems but he suddenly looked up. 'My god! They're taking out the dreadnaught!'

'I see it,' Joker swore and they shot straight up before swinging around a half-destroyed skyscraper and finding clear sky. 'We need to find Shepard.'

'Working on it,' Alenko muttered through gritted teeth.

'EDI, can you find her?'

'No, I am having problems sorting through the communication overload.'

James could only imagine what was happening outside. There would be mass panic as buildings collapsed, as reaper troops landed and that deadly beam turned everything red. Soldiers would want orders, commanders would want to give them but the reapers and their communication blocks affected everything. The result was uncontrolled chaos. Soldiers would be fighting for their lives and those of the people around them, commanders would be trying to get intel and failing, reaper troops would be landing in numbers: and somewhere in amongst that was Shepard.

'Normandy, do you read?'

'Admiral, what's your position?' Alenko repeated his earlier question.

'By a downed gunship in the harbour, I'm activating its beacon …'

James waited for him to continue but there was only static.

'I have him,' EDI spoke from the ceiling and James could have kissed her.

'Is that an AI?' Alenko glanced up before scowling at Joker.

'Yeah,' Joker was focused on his controls, 'thanks EDI, I've got it. Five minutes to location.'

Alenko scrambled out of his seat and grabbed James' arm, 'come on Vega, we need to get below.'

James was on his heels as they ran through the CIC to find the elevator waiting for them. He would have to thank EDI for that one he guessed. The ship lurched again and they both stumbled against the wall as the elevator descended. Surprisingly James wasn't concerned. They were in a small tin can that could be blown out of the sky at any moment but the man in control was good. He'd only known him for a short time but James had no doubt about that, he wouldn't be Shepard's pilot if he wasn't.

A loud roar assailed their ears as the elevator opened onto the shuttle deck. The cargo ramp was already open and the wind howled around the cacophony of war outside. He glanced across the bay to see Steve handing out weapons to a few of the crew. James rushed over and Steve handed him an assault rifle with a nod.

'The cavalry has arrived!'

The chuckle through the coms told James that Joker was having a good time, he was probably extremely thankful to be back in the air. As the guns thumped and the deck trembled beneath them he understood just how he felt. James took up position on the opposite side of the bay to Alenko and looked at the ruined city outside. There was no way to describe what he was feeling. The utter destruction, people fleeing for their lives, soldiers doing their best to help but being overwhelmed and that deafening sound that never ended was only the start, but he was already wishing it was over. It was a long way from that.

He should be down there, he should be helping to save lives but right now his only thought was Shepard and her safety. His eyes searched the devastation, looking for just a flash of blonde hair. Then he saw her. Charging towards the Normandy, running like the hounds of hell were on her tail. She was magnificent. Behind her another round of reaper troops dropped from the sky and he immediately raised his rifle. Echoing shots sounded beside him as Alenko and the crew had the same idea. Shepard was still running and she was relying on them to cover her back.

It was only minutes but it seemed like hours before Shepard made the final jump onto the ramp. James' jaw clenched as Alenko grabbed her arm and welcomed her aboard, as if he had the right to welcome her aboard her own ship. He glanced at Shepard and the pain on her face floored him. He followed her gaze to see Anderson still standing outside. He wasn't coming. Shepard's words were drowned out by the wind but he watched as she caught something Anderson threw at her. The Normandy lifted and he saw Anderson head towards a shuttle that landed behind him. They were leaving him behind. They were leaving Earth.

James watched in disbelief as the hatch began to close. What were they doing? They had to fight, to save lives. Anderson couldn't do it alone. His team was down there somewhere, he couldn't leave them behind. What the hell was Shepard thinking?

'We're leaving,' he followed her as the hatch sealed behind them but she kept walking. 'Hey!' He reached out and she spun to face him.

Her eyes were dark and her jaw tight, 'Anderson just ordered us to the Citadel, to get help.'

'Bullshit!' James ran his hands through his hair, looking everywhere but at Shepard. 'He wouldn't do that.'

'He just did.' She stepped back towards him, her finger resting on his chest, 'we can't do this alone. I have to talk to the Council. If you don't like it you can find a ride back from there.'

James gaped at her. He thought there was something developing between them, he thought there was at least friendship there. Was he so wrong? He met her eyes then and saw the determination she wore as Commander Shepard. Gone was any warmth, any sign of the woman he knew was underneath. Her stare was cold and he felt the blood in his veins freeze. She raised her eyebrows at him but he had no response, he simply waved his hand at her and turned away. He was lost. The home he knew, the people he cared about were all down there, probably fighting for their lives. And they were running away.

'Hey Commander, welcome home,' Joker sounded cheerful and James couldn't help the sudden urge to knock that cheerfulness out of him.

'Joker?' Shepard looked at the ceiling.

'You expected someone else?' There was a pause, 'I've got Admiral Hackett on the com.'

Shepard rushed to the console. James followed, eager to see what Hackett would order them to do. Surely he had a better use for them than sending them to play politics. He noticed Alenko's head perk up and take a step forward. It occurred to James that Alenko outranked Shepard so why hadn't he taken command, ordered them back to Earth. Was he afraid of her or was he just trying to avoid her?

James listened to the broken message and couldn't believe that Hackett ordered them to Mars, not back to Earth. What was so important that the Admiral was sending a state of the art ship and his most experienced commander after it?

'What's going on, Shepard?' Alenko finally stepped forward.

James saw her fingers clench on the console and she closed her eyes for a split second before sucking in a quiet breath and turning to answer him. James was suddenly concerned for her. He was being selfish. She left behind the man who had saved her, been like a father to her. How could he not recognise how hard that was for her? And now she had to deal with the man who broke her heart. He was an idiot. Why hadn't he seen her pain? She didn't want to leave any more than he did. But she was following orders from a superior officer, just like he should. She had to be disappointed with him.

'Hackett wants us to go to Mars, there's a Prothean database there that might hold answers.'

'Mars,' Alenko's brow furrowed but he nodded and James heard Shepard let out a soft sigh.

'What do you need me to do, Commander?' James moved beside her and the relief in her eyes was something he would never forget.

'Suit up,' she indicated armour on the armoury bench.

James looked at the bench and his eyes widened. He glanced back to Shepard who nodded and the corner of her mouth lifted but quickly dropped as she moved to where her armour was waiting. James caressed the new armour that Shepard had ordered for him, the shine wouldn't last long but right now it beckoned him. His armour was his second skin, it would get to know his body intimately but the first time he donned it was like saying hello to a new lover, learning the right place to be gentle and where a firmer touch was needed. Shepard had believed in him, done this for him and he knew that he needed to make up for his emotional lapse in judgement.

'James, you've got pilot duty.'

'Yes, ma'am,' he nodded as he clipped his armour into place.

He pushed down the emotions that had controlled him so far. Shepard was depending on him and everyone was depending on her. His job was to ease her burden any way he could. He stepped in to check the shuttle and found Steve in the pilot's seat.

'Look after my baby, Mr Vega,' Steve slapped him on the back as he stood up and left.

James hadn't flown a shuttle for a while, he knew how, everyone did, it was part of basic training. But he was carrying Commander Shepard, there was no room for error. He shoved aside his nerves as Shepard and Alenko stepped aboard.

'Let's go LT,' Shepard stood behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

'Yes, ma'am,' he grinned as she rolled her eyes at him, so there was still warmth there. 'ETA eight minutes.'

She gave his shoulder a squeeze and moved into the back where he heard her donning her helmet. The Normandy was behind them, Mars was ahead of them and while he badly wanted to return to Earth to join the fight, he knew Hackett wouldn't have sent them out here if it weren't important.

* * *

Liara T'Soni. James knew that name, she was the expert Treeya had spoken to before everything went to hell. She was also the Shadow Broker: Shepard had important friends. The fact that Hackett had sent her out here too only made James more aware that they weren't on a wild goose chase. And there was the chance to shoot someone because Cerberus was here, a fact that the Major had been quick to jump on and question Shepard. James couldn't understand what his problem was, did he really think Shepard would screw them all over for Cerberus. It made sense that Cerberus would want whatever was here because it could possibly save them all. It was a race to see who got there first.

'James, I need you to go back to the shuttle.'

'What?' James looked at Shepard in disbelief.

She stepped towards him, 'I need you to be ready, just in case Cerberus beats us to the archives. I know I can trust you to be there.' She didn't look behind her but James didn't miss the flick of her eyes over her shoulder.

James was a little surprised by the honesty and respect in her voice and he found himself squaring his shoulders and nodding. She needed help from him so he would give it to her, and if she was relying on him to get them to safety he would do that too. He glanced up to find Alenko staring at him through narrowed eyes and the urge to smirk at him was almost too strong to ignore. Shepard had made it clear that she trusted James, seemingly more than Alenko and that felt good.

He made his way back to the shuttle, acutely aware of the storm that was closing in fast. He could already hear the dust hitting his helmet and visibility was getting worse by the minute. It was a relief to close the shuttle hatch behind him. The cool air was refreshing on his face as he removed his helmet and slipped into the pilot's seat. He ran through system checks and brought up the screen so he could follow Shepard's progress.

'Normandy, do you read?'

Only static came back for a moment but finally Joker broke through, 'Only just, don't know how long we'll have coms … keeping track … storm …'

No amount of tweaking would bring them back and James knew they were on their own until the storm passed.

'Commander, this storm is causing havoc with coms, I've lost the Normandy.'

'We're almost to the archives …. Ready …'

'Commander?' He yelled into the com as if the strength in his voice would carry through the storm but there was nothing.

James cursed silently. He was alone, Shepard was out there under fire, the Normandy was unreachable and he couldn't do a damn thing until the storm was over. He settled back to wait, confident that Shepard would be fine and they'd soon be back where they belonged, on the Normandy fighting reapers. He didn't have to wait long.

'James … Normandy … anybody!'

The shuttle was already airborne. The minute the storm had passed James put the shuttle on course to the archives, the closer he was the less Shepard had to travel. The storm was still causing static between him and the Normandy but the moment he heard Shepard's panicked yell he forgot everything else.

'Cerberus is getting away, they've got the data.'

'I've got this,' James could see the Cerberus shuttle. 'Sorry, Esteban,' he muttered to himself.

He had seconds to stop them and only one option. He braced for impact as he ploughed into the other shuttle sending it crashing sideways. It was a struggle to control his own craft and he hurriedly spun and set it down. Things quickly spiraled out of control. He had no sooner stepped out of the shuttle before Shepard was screaming Kaidan's name and running.

He watched in horror as the thing tossed Alenko against the burning wreck. Shepard was marching forward, firing her pistol but for a moment James feared that the bot was going to reach her before she took it down. He gasped for breath as it fell at her feet. The Normandy appeared behind them as Shepard rushed to where Alenko lay unmoving. James felt a little guilty as he thought the biotic might be dead but all he cared about was getting Shepard to safety.

'Grab that thing,' Shepard pointed at the bot as she hefted Alenko over her shoulders.

James knew she was strong but carrying a fully armoured man like that was something even he would find hard. When the adrenaline wore off she would pay the price. He threw the bot over his shoulder and made sure Dr T'Soni was following as he walked up the ramp onto the Normandy. It occurred to him then that the day wasn't over yet. How much worse could it get.


	26. Chapter 26

**** 26 ****

James dropped the bot onto a bed and turned. His heart lurched when he saw Shepard leaning over Alenko, the pain on her face clear for all to see. He had no reason to be there but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Shepard and Liara removed the Major's helmet and the depth of his injuries became more apparent. James flinched, even he could see the danger the soldier was in. Shepard seemed lost and it wasn't until Liara spoke that she jumped back to life.

'We have to get him to a hospital,' Liara was connecting him up to machines as she spoke. 'I'm not a medical doctor, I only know what Chakwas would do to put him on these machines.' She glanced at Shepard who hadn't responded. 'Shepard,' she spoke louder and Shepard looked up at her, 'we need to get to the Citadel, we can get help there.'

Shepard nodded, 'Joker, get us to the Citadel.' She pulled herself up and looked at the bot behind James, 'see what you and EDI can get from that thing.' She was talking to Liara but as she met James' eyes her gaze softened, 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah,' he nodded and she relaxed slightly.

EDI interrupted and Shepard dashed out to speak to Admiral Hackett. James watched her leave before his eyes fell back on the deathly still Major. He walked to the side of the bed where Liara was linking his armour to the medical scanners.

'So, the Commander and the Major …' James looked up as Liara sighed.

'Once,' she lifted her head and looked at him. 'On the SR-1, they were inseparable.'

'But not now?'

'No, there's too much hurt there I think,' she smirked at him, 'besides, I think she's found someone else.'

It took a moment for James to realise what she was saying. 'What?' He held up his hands but there was no strength in his argument, 'I was just her guard, we're friends.'

'James, it is James, isn't it?' Liara waited until he nodded, 'Shepard is going to need someone she can trust and rely on to get through this. She takes everything on herself and shuts people out. Someone needs to push through that.'

James held her gaze for a moment, 'Shepard knows she can count on me.'

'I hope so,' she glanced down at Kaidan and her silent message was loud and clear.

'I need to go find a bunk,' James gave the Major one last glance then left the medbay.

He stepped out into the mess and had no idea where to go. He guessed that the crew quarters were on this deck so he wandered the corridor until he found them. The idea of sharing close quarters wasn't appealing; he liked his space and privacy. Not something one often got on military ships but he could try. He found the observation lounges and was pleased to find a poker table and bar, this cruise might not be too bad, at least they had somewhere to relax, if they ever did.

The sleeper pods were definitely uninviting, besides, his bulk made them tight and uncomfortable. His stomach growled and he realised he hadn't eaten since breakfast. It felt like days had passed but it was only mid-afternoon. He wasn't the only one who hadn't eaten. He scoured the mess cupboards and managed to scrounge up enough supplies to make scrambled eggs, he hated the powdered eggs but when left with little choice they would have to do.

'EDI,' he was aware of how comfortable he felt talking to an AI and it surprised him a little. 'Where is the Commander?'

'Right here,' she spoke from behind him and he jumped. She laughed as he almost dropped the spoon he was using. 'You need something, James?'

'No, but I thought you might,' he dished up his eggs and handed her a plate, 'you haven't eaten since breakfast.' He was a little relieved to see she'd at least changed out of her armour, something he had yet to do, assuming he could find clothing to change into.

Her eyes moistened as she looked from him to the plate and back again before reaching out and taking his offering. 'Thanks,' she said softly and moved to the table.

James took a moment to make coffee before joining her. 'So, what happens when we get to the Citadel?'

'I have to see the council,' she grimaced and he chuckled.

'Not looking forward to that?'

'Beating my head against a brick wall, no,' she chewed her food quietly but her eyes kept glancing at the medbay.

'I'm sure the Major will make it,' James stared at his plate so he didn't have to see the fear in her eyes, 'he seems like a strong person.'

'He is … was… I don't know anymore,' she sighed and sipped her coffee. 'He doesn't deserve to die like this though.'

'So, you and he …' James was surprised when she grunted a laugh.

'No, thought so once but not now.'

James lifted his gaze to find her smirking at him and relief flooded through him. 'So, just friends,' his lips lifted and he fought down a grin as she raised her eyebrows at him.

'I like to think so but who knows.' She went back to eating but there was a smile on her face, 'I'm surprised you found supplies, the Normandy wasn't scheduled to leave so she wasn't stocked for flight.'

'Yeah, there's not a lot there, mostly energy bars, some powdered stuff. We do have coffee though, even if it is military grade.' He took a sip and frowned as the bitter liquid ran across his tongue.

'Edi,' she looked at the ceiling, 'can we make sure we do a full restock when we reach the Citadel. Include dextro supplies in there and anything else we don't have for non-human races, who knows who'll end up on the Normandy before this is over.'

'Yes, Commander, should I also procure medical supplies although we do not have a doctor on board?'

'Definitely, I'll see what I can do about getting us one and organising additional crew.'

'Don't forget alcohol,' Joker interrupted, 'you know, for morale.'

'Shepard,' Liara dashed out of medbay before Shepard could respond to Joker, 'EDI and I have retrieved the data from the Cerberus machine.' She sat beside Shepard and held out a datapad, 'it appears to be a weapon, massive and capable of unquantifiable amounts of destruction.'

'This is huge, the amount of resources … '

'We can't win this conventionally,' Liara reminded her, 'isn't it worth trying at least?'

'I don't know, putting all our resources into something we know nothing about,' Shepard's brow furrowed as she continued reading, 'it seems a little convenient.' She sighed and looked at Liara, 'send it through to Hackett, he can decide.'

Liara nodded and left, almost running into a dark skinned woman who was coming around the corner. There was a moment of confusion as they struggled to hold on to their datapads but with a laugh they sorted themselves out and continued on. The young woman stopped beside the table and seemed unsure whether to salute or just start talking. James guessed that this was her first ship posting.

'Commander Shepard,' she spoke with a quiver and fiddled nervously with the pad in her hands. 'I'm Specialist Samantha Traynor, I was brought on board to help with the refits and … '

'Relax, Traynor,' Shepard smiled at her and the room suddenly felt warmer to James. 'What can I do for you?'

'Actually, ma'am, I thought I could do something for you,' she held up the datapad, 'I thought you might like to know what changes have been made to the Normandy.'

'That would be very helpful,' Shepard indicated for her to sit.

'I think I'm going to check out the armoury,' James stood and Shepard followed him with her eyes, 'see if I can find something to wear and find somewhere to sleep.'

'Here,' Traynor fiddled with her omnitool and James' tool beeped in response. 'I've sent you a ship layout so you don't get lost and I believe there was a crate brought on board for you before Earth was attacked. You'll find it in the cargo bay.'

'Thanks,' James picked up his and Shepard's empty plates and dropped them in the dishwasher. With a final nod to Shepard who was still watching him he headed for the elevator.

'Mr Vega,' Steve yelled as he stepped out of the elevator.

'Hey, Esteban,' James walked over to where Steve waited. 'Sorry about your shuttle, had no choice.'

'You didn't think about using the guns?'

'It has guns?

'Yeah, we have the UT-47A, it has mass effect cannons and stealth. It's a good thing I'm good at my job,' Steve shook his head with a smirk, 'otherwise we'd be down a shuttle.'

'Well we can't have you getting bored can we,' James clapped him on the shoulder with a chuckle then looked around the bay.

This was it, the Normandy, and now it was his ship if he wanted it to be. He hadn't planned to become part of her crew in the manner he had but he was here. He shouldn't be here though, he should be on Earth, fighting the Reapers, saving lives. He needed to do something to help and he wasn't completely convinced that he could do that here.

And yet this was exactly where he wanted to be, fighting alongside Shepard. She was going to need a team behind her, someone to watch her back and take care of her, because he was pretty sure taking care of herself would be the last thing on her mind. He was happy to be that someone but guilt tugged at him, pulling the threads of his conscience every time he thought about Earth. He wondered how long it would take his mind to unravel if they didn't go back.

Right now though there was nothing he could do and he knew Shepard would let him leave if that was what he wanted. She would let him return to Earth to fight because he knew that was what she would do given the choice. He didn't have to make that choice just yet and he turned back to Steve.

'Are you camping out down here?'

'No, I'm happy to share a bunk,' Steve indicated the armoury across the bay, 'there's plenty of room to tuck a cot in there, might be a bit cold though.' He propped his hip against his console and crossed his arms over his chest, 'how's Shepard?'

'Okay,' James turned and leant beside him. 'Worried about the Major, dealing with leaving Earth and what they found on Mars.'

'What's she like?'

'Warm and friendly when she's not cold and hard,' James thought about the various moods he'd seen while guarding her. 'She does what she has to do.' He glanced up at the pilot, 'you've met her.'

'Only briefly when you brought her on board and I didn't expect to be here when the Normandy took off.' Steve dropped his eyes to the floor, 'what was it like, on Earth.'

'Terrible, worse than anything I've seen in nightmares,' James pushed off the console and paced. 'I tried to save a woman and child but there was no time. There were dead bodies everywhere, people panicking and buildings collapsing. It was like nothing I've ever lived through.' He stopped pacing and glanced around the bay before finally bringing his eyes back to Steve, 'and we left.'

'From what I hear Anderson ordered us to.' Steve looked at him with a concerned frown.

'Yeah, but it just feels wrong,' James sighed as he rolled his neck and shoulders. 'I need to get out of this armour and take a shower. Traynor said there's a crate down here with my name on it.'

'Yes, arrived two days ago, wondered why it was sent here.' Steve pointed to a crate by the armoury.

'Thanks, maybe we can have a drink later,' James offered his hand to Steve who took it firmly, 'it's nice to see a familiar face.'

'I'm sure you'll fit right in, Mr Vega,' Steve chuckled as he turned back to his console.

James opened the crate and found a datapad with a message.

_James, thought you might need some things so had them delivered to the Normandy, just in case. Take care of our girl. Anderson._

So, the old man had looked after him too. He fought back tears as he thought about the last time they'd seen him, about how they'd left him behind. His thoughts turned to his team, were they still alive, would they stay that way. He brought up his omnitool and sent off messages to each of them. He doubted they would get through but he had to try.

The ship flexed and shuddered and he realised they'd passed through the relay. They'd be at the Citadel in an hour. He grabbed clothes from the crate and headed back to the crew deck. He guessed that Shepard would want him at some time as he and Liara were the only other team members she had right now and he planned to be ready.

* * *

'Hey, Esteban,' James trotted to where Steve was just entering a store. 'What are you doing out here?'

'Setting up some procurement lines for the Normandy,' he continued into the shop and James followed. 'As this war escalates supplies are going to get harder to find so being able to order from on board will make that a little easier.'

'Did Shepard ask you to do that?'

'No, she's got enough to worry about, I checked with EDI about the budget and she's happy to help. Joker was relieved, I think he was worried he'd have to do all this by himself.' Steve chuckled as he looked at the shop terminal.

'So, you're staying on board, you don't want to go back to Earth?'

'No, why would I?' He gave James a puzzled stare, 'we can't do much there, we'd be just another gun. Out here we can help Shepard,' his gaze wandered past James to the people outside, 'and I think she's going to need all the help she can get.'

'But what if we're too late? What if we … the Normandy could make a difference by being there?' James followed Steve's gaze and was a little pissed that everything was normal. There was no war here.

'Would we really, what can one ship do to help, no matter how powerful it is. You were there, you saw much more than I did.' Steve went back to looking at the terminal. 'Anderson knows we can't do this alone and so does Shepard.'

James knew that. No matter how many times he told himself he could help on Earth he knew he was fooling himself. They needed help and Shepard was the one who would get it, whatever it took.

'EDI,' he tapped the earpiece Shepard had given him before they left the Normandy, 'do I have a budget for the armoury?'

'Of course Lieutenant, you are the Normandy's armoury officer.'

'So you'll let me know when I'm spending too much?'

'Of course,' she paused for a moment and there was a hint of amusement in her voice when she spoke again. 'Jeff has asked that you think about morale while you're out shopping. Also, he has suggested that I let a human look at my shopping list, he seems to think I am incapable of procuring things that aren't military.'

James laughed and Steve looked at him strangely, 'tell Joker I'll see what I can do.' Steve chuckled and shook his head. He suddenly had a thought, 'does Shepard have rules about alcohol on board?'

'No, as long as it doesn't affect crew functions.'

'All right then,' James grinned, 'time to go shopping.'

* * *

James stared out of the window on the Presidium and anger gnawed at him. These people had no idea. He'd wandered the wards, done some shopping and caught up on whatever news he could find, which wasn't much. There was brief coverage of a rumoured attack on Earth and Palaven, a mention of the batarians disappearing and a reminder that next week was a chance to celebrate the anniversary of some Asari occasion he'd never heard of.

Thousands, possibly millions were dying and these people were celebrating. They were lost in their own little world and nothing else mattered. Shepard had come to these people for help. He didn't like her chances. He'd run into Liara as they crossed paths in the elevator and she'd only reinforced his beliefs. As if on cue he turned to see Shepard walking towards him. Her face told him everything he needed to know. She was angry, frustrated and worried. He cursed as a reporter stopped her and though he couldn't hear what was being said he could see from Shepard's stance that she wasn't happy. Her fists clenched and for a moment he thought she was going to punch the reporter.

Suddenly she relaxed as the reporter leaned angrily towards her. Gently Shepard placed her hand on the reporter's shoulder and the woman slumped and dropped her head. It was amazing the effect Shepard had on people, James watched in awe as the reporter nodded and seemed to pull herself together. Shepard watched her walk away before turning and moving towards him.

'James,' she stopped beside him and turned to look out the window.

'Hey, Commander,' he studied her face and while she had her Commander persona firmly in place he could see the tension in her jaw and the emotion in her eyes. 'Liara told me the Council was no help.' His eyes turned back to the view outside, it was beautiful and he hated it.

'Yeah,' disappointment flickered across her face but was quickly gone.

'Why would they? Look at this place, there's no war here.' He turned to face her. 'People are talking it about it but it's like it's a movie or something, they don't believe it.'

'They will, eventually,' she sighed and turned towards him, 'is this your first time here, among the elite of the galaxy.'

'On the Citadel, no, up here on the Presidium, yeah.' He glanced around and a shiver ran down his spine. 'There's something about this place, it's just not right. It's too calm and peaceful.' He sighed and met her eyes.

'It used to be, once.'

'I'm not so sure. All this,' he waved his hands in the air to indicate the world around them, 'it's all an illusion, or maybe it's delusions of grandeur. These people are just hiding their heads in the sand, hoping reality doesn't come crashing down on them.'

'Well, I don't think we'll have to wait too long for that to happen.' She sighed and looked around before settling her gaze back on him. 'So, do you still want to go back to Earth?'

James looked at her, took in the paleness of her skin, the fear, or was it hope, in her eyes. She was beautiful and he knew this decision had been made a long time ago. It was made the moment Anderson dragged him out of Afterlife and introduced him to Shepard. He had no choice and he didn't mind that at all.

'Hell yeah,' he felt his heart speed up at the look of disappointment in her eyes. She wanted him to stay, 'but Anderson was right, we can't do this alone. Besides, it looks like you're going to need help convincing these pendejo politicians to pull their heads out of their asses.' The smile she gave him lit up the room and the temperature rose several degrees.

'You're staying?'

'Yeah,' he nodded and his lips turned up slightly, 'I'm here for you Shepard, whatever you need.'

'Good,' she leaned in and the scent of her shampoo sent his senses reeling, 'at least I'll have something nice to look at on the battlefield.' She grinned at his wide-eyed stare as she pulled back.

'Ah, I think I'm going to head down to the wards, you know, the real world. Come find me if you have some spare time.' He leaned in just as she had, 'maybe I can buy you dinner.'

'James, are you asking me out on a date?'

'Shepard, there are regs against that,' he stared at her in mock surprise and she laughed. 'But the offer is there.'

'Thanks, James,' she rested her hand on his arm and the temperature rose again. 'I might just take you up on that offer.'

'Anytime,' he nodded and reluctantly moved away but he felt her eyes following him. He'd just made a pass at his CO and she'd been amused by it. He wondered just how important frat regs were when the end of the world was upon them. Maybe it was time he found out.


	27. Chapter 27

**** 27 ****

By the time he made it back to the Normandy James was livid. Everywhere he went people were ignoring the threat of war. He'd even heard conversations about Shepard, how this was another one of her imagined threats and the Council was right to ignore it. It took everything he had to not hit something or shoot someone.

He thought working in the armoury would help so he'd stored the mods and tools he'd bought, set up his punching bag, a small gym and the bed he'd found in stores. But it didn't help. His thoughts kept wandering back to Earth, to the people they'd left behind. Had his uncle made it out? Was Anderson still alive, was his team? When he thought about them compared to what was happening on the Citadel it only fuelled his anger. Everything Shepard had done, everything he had done made no difference. The lives lost were ignored, the sacrifices made trivialised.

With a growl he ran through a series of warm ups before hoisting himself onto his pull up bar. He was well into his count when the elevator opened and he heard Shepard talking to Steve. The pilot tried to include him with taunts but James wasn't in the mood. He heard footsteps approach and Shepard appeared in his peripheral vision. She stood and watched him for a moment and her concern was a living thing as she spoke.

'James, you okay?'

'Fine,' his arms burned but he continued lifting his body.

She glanced around the space he'd set up, 'looks like you've made yourself at home down here.'

'Yeah, like my own space.' He knew he was being sharp with her but anger had grabbed hold and dug its nails in.

'You want to talk about whatever's bothering you or should I just leave?' She crossed her arms over her chest and waited.

James glanced at her and for a moment thought about telling her to leave, he wasn't in the mood for polite conversation. Then he thought better of it. He dropped off the bar and rolled his neck, it cracked loudly and Shepard winced.

'Let's dance,' he headed out into the middle of the bay and Shepard followed.

'You do realise I'm not going to go easy on you because your pissed off at something,' she warned as she raised her arms.

'Don't want you to go easy on me,' he clenched his fists, 'I won't.'

There was that evil grin again and any other time he would have balked but not this time. He threw the first punch, which she easily avoided as she danced around him.

'So,' she grunted as she swung at his face and he pulled back, 'what's eating at you?'

'Who says anything is eating at me,' he lunged and she ducked and spun away.

'Come on James,' she swung and he blocked but missed the uppercut she slipped in underneath. 'You're angry, anyone can see that.'

'So,' he lunged and she stepped back. His momentum carried him forward and he stumbled before finding his footing.

'So, talk to me.' She dropped and swept her foot towards his legs but he jumped and she spun upward, narrowly avoiding the straight arm punch he aimed at her face.

'About what?' He grunted as she connected with his ribs, 'the pendejos on the Citadel who couldn't give a fuck about Earth.' He saw her flinch as his fist slid across her shoulder, 'they sit there drinking and carrying on as if there is no war. They celebrate while thousands die.' He blinked as her fist grazed his cheek and he knew he needed to concentrate but rage clouded his thoughts. 'The people we left behind, the lives we've sacrificed are worth nothing. I let good people die for nothing. You risked your life for nothing.'

'You need to control your anger,' she scowled at him as she feinted with her right then winded him with her left. He doubled over and she danced back, sucking in air, 'you need to think clearly, not act on impulse like you did on Mars.'

'So I should have let Cerberus get away with the data?' He stared at her as he straightened up but she was quick and he took two fumbling steps back.

'No, but there were alternatives to almost getting yourself killed,' she jumped out of reach with a gasp as he swung his leg towards hers.

'I'm just doing what I have to do to win this war,' he grunted as she caught his chin with an uppercut. 'I'm only a soldier, there's plenty more to take my place.'

Before he could blink he was on his back. Shepard straddled his chest, her hands either side of his head, her face so close he could feel the warmth of her breath and her hair dropped forward and tickled his cheek. Without realising he dropped his hands to her thighs.

'You're more than just a soldier,' the vehemence in her voice made him push back into the deck plating, he'd never seen so much emotion in her eyes and it took him by surprise. 'You're a damn good soldier and I … we can't afford to lose you.'

Her eyes bored into his and everything around them disappeared. She licked her lips and her tongue moved in slow motion as he watched it, his own lips parted with want. Her hair fell around her flushed face and he could so easily reach out and brush it back, letting his fingers linger as he touched her cheeks. Would she respond if he kissed her? He could feel her rapid pulse as her arm rested against his neck, her chest heaved, pushing her breasts forward, the heat from her legs burned and where she sat was on fire. His hands lifted and moved towards her face.

'Commander,' Joker's voice echoed around the bay, 'all crew members and supplies are aboard and we can leave when you're ready.'

Reality flooded back and with a wide-eyed stare she slid off him and sat stiffly on the deck. 'Roger that, crew debrief in thirty minutes.'

He closed his eyes, gathering his senses before sitting up and turning to face her. She was still flushed and for a second he didn't think she would look at him, but she did, her eyes searched his face as if she needed to know what he was thinking. He knew if he said the wrong thing she would close down, run from whatever she was feeling.

'How do you do it, Shepard,' he sighed, glanced around the bay and brought his eyes back to hers. 'How do you ignore your emotions and deal with all of this?'

'I don't ignore them,' she relaxed onto the deck and James was sure there was relief in her eyes. 'They definitely get to me but I have learned to control them.' She bent her knee, folded her arms across it and rested her chin on her forearm. 'Did Anderson tell you how he found me?'

'Yeah, on Mindoir, said it took him an hour to talk you out of the shed.'

'Yes, it did,' she smiled as if remembering. 'That was the day I realised that if I let my emotions get the better of me I'd be dead, or worse,' she visibly shivered and James couldn't begin to imagine what she'd seen that day. 'I had to be strong, survive, I couldn't break down and cry or I would never stop.'

'It's that easy?' He looked at her under furrowed brows.

'Never said it was easy, just necessary.' She dropped her arms behind her and leant on her hands. 'A week later I was a blubbering mess, all because Sarah, Admiral Hackett's sister, made me pancakes with blueberries. It was my mum's favourite dish. I was depressed for weeks after and it wasn't until they threatened to put me on medication or send me to a treatment centre that I pulled myself out of it.'

Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath, as if needing a moment to collect her thoughts, 'I put on a brave front but inside I was falling apart. Funnily enough it was Hackett that helped me see there was a way to deal with it.' She shook her head and a soft smile played on her lips as she continued. 'He told me that it was okay to cry, to be angry to hate the world, but he also told me that I could use those emotions, take the strength in them and make it my barrier against anyone or anything that wanted to harm me. It took me a while to understand what he meant, I was a teenager who's world had been torn apart so logical thinking wasn't exactly easy. But I got it eventually.'

'Damn, Shepard, I'm sorry you had to go through that.'

'It was tough but it taught me things, made me who I am.' She sat forward and moved a little closer, 'be angry, James, but use it constructively. If you can't, learn to push it aside so you can focus and deal with it later.'

'Compartmentalise,' James nodded.

'Yeah,' she agreed, 'someone tell you that?'

'My old CO, Captain Toni.' Memories tugged at him and he dropped his eyes to the floor.

'From the mission that went wrong?'

'Yeah, but I'd rather not talk about that.' He pushed to his feet and held out his hand to help her up, probably with a little more force than necessary.

'I'm here if you need to,' her hand was still in his as she stood close enough for her breasts to rub against his chest.

'Thanks,' James slowly slid his fingers from hers and his heart raced when she seemed just as reluctant to let go.

She stepped back with a nod and they walked across the bay, she headed for the elevator, he moved towards his workbench.

'Thanks for the pep talk, Lola.' He stopped midstride as he realised what he'd said and prayed to every god in existence that she hadn't heard it.

'You're welcome,' she called back then suddenly stopped and turned on her heel. She stared at him for a moment and he knew his face was red as heat burned his skin away. A knowing smile broke out on her face as she slowly started walking backwards. 'So, James, am I the woman of your dreams.' She laughed as he spluttered and fought to come up with an answer. She was still laughing as she entered the elevator.

James braced his arms on his workbench, his heart racing and sweat running down his neck.  _You have no idea, Lola._  He grabbed his hand towel and wiped his face and neck before pulling out his tools and his assault rifle, maybe something mundane would take his mind off her and his dreams.

'Way to go, Mr Vega,' Steve laughed from across the bay.

James groaned softly as he settled into the routine of pulling his gun apart. What would she make of that and would it change her feelings towards him. He cursed himself softly as he laid out the pieces of his rifle. He really needed to stop dreaming about her or there was a very real chance he'd slip up again. He shook his head in defeat, not likely.

Thirty minutes later he was in the mess with everyone else. Shepard had called everyone together and they were waiting on her. He stood by the wall with Joker and Cortez and looked at the sea of nervous faces, he doubted many of them had served on a ship before, most of them were part of the refit team who were on board when the Normandy left Earth. Shepard was going into battle with an inexperienced, incomplete crew. The sound of the elevator door opening made him focus.

'Commander on deck,' he snapped to attention with a salute and the crew did likewise. Beside him Joker gave a soft chuckle but followed his lead.

'At ease,' Shepard spoke as she rounded the corner with two people following.

'Donnelly,' Joker stepped forward and the two men hugged each other like brothers, 'Daniels,' he moved to the woman who looked like she was about to cry. 'Damn it's good to have you back.'

'I found these two hanging around the C-Sec lockup,' Shepard was grinning, 'seems they were caught trying to get back to the Normandy.'

'Aye, don't want to be anywhere else right now,' Donnelly spoke with a broad accent and James remembered where he'd seen them before, on the Normandy when they'd collected Shepard. 'If we're going into hell I'd rather be doing it with you, Commander.'

'You might regret that,' Joker scoffed and Donnelly scowled at him.

'Not likely,' the man smiled and shook his head, 'this is probably the safest place in the galaxy.'

Shepard let out a small laugh as she moved towards James. She gave him a wink as she passed him and he almost gaped but controlled himself at the last moment. He turned to watch her step up on the table so she could see everyone but he was surprised when she crouched so she was at eye level.

'Okay, this is the situation,' she looked at the faces around her, 'I've been tasked with the job of getting help for Earth so the Normandy will not be returning to Earth right now. If anyone here wants to go back you are free to leave, transport can be arranged at the Alliance offices on the Citadel.' She paused, waiting for responses but no-one spoke. 'I know some of you are nervous and that many of you haven't served on ships before but you are here because you are good at what you do. I doubt just anyone was posted to the Normandy refit. I need your skills, your knowledge.'

There was a surprised shuffling and mumbling and James wondered if Shepard knew just how much of an effect she had on people. Beside him Joker and the two newcomers were grinning and he guessed they'd seen this before.

'It's not going to be easy and it's going to be dangerous.'

'And she's not joking,' Donnelly butted in, rolling his eyes as Daniels swatted his arm.

'No, I'm not,' Shepard chuckled. 'We're going into firefights, we'll probably take damage,' Joker scoffed and she glanced at him, 'okay, we'll definitely take damage at some point. The thing is, I could order you all to stay and under normal circumstances you wouldn't be given the choice, but these aren't normal circumstances. I'm not going to lie to you, we may not make it back to Earth in time, we may not defeat the Reapers but I intend to do everything in my power to make that happen. I know some of you have family and friends on Earth you'd like to help so if you want to leave do it now. I won't hold it against you because if this is the end of life as we know it I'd want to be with those I love, for me that's right here,' she flicked her gaze towards Joker but her eyes came to rest on James and for a split second stayed there before she looked back to the crew. 'If you have any questions or want to leave please feel free.'

No-one spoke and James guessed that Anderson had a lot to do with these people being here. He'd obviously picked people who believed in Shepard, trusted her and would stand by her. But it was more than that. There was an aura around Shepard that made you want to stand by her side, a confidence that inspired, a power that covered you like a comforting blanket, made you feel safe.

'Okay, thank you for staying,' she sat down on the table. 'Let me tell you how things work on the Normandy. Firstly I don't insist on formalities, you don't need to jump to attention or salute every time I enter a room, and don't call me ma'am, it makes me feel old,' she grinned at the light laughter that eased the mood. 'Commander or Shepard will do, unless of course we have brass on board, then you should probably go all formal on me,' she shrugged and rolled her eyes.

'Right now we have no XO so Lieutenants Moreau, Vega, Cortez and Adams will be filling in.' James eyes widened, he hadn't expected that. 'Anything flight or navigation related goes to Joker, anything mechanical or systems based goes to Adams. Supplies or procurement go to Cortez, everything else goes to Vega.  I have an open door policy so if you need to talk to me see Traynor and she will let me know.' She glanced around the room, 'Westmoreland and Campbell, we don't need guards on the war room unless we have dignitaries on board so make yourself useful. I hear you're a bit of a chef Campbell so please make use of the mess, I'm sure the crew would appreciate it.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Campbell nodded and smiled nervously as she realised what she'd said, but she looked relieved to be given something to do.

'Everyone else you know your jobs, I trust you to do them. It would be nice though if someone could clean up my ship. We have holes where it's dangerous and cables across the floor. This is a warship, she needs to be ready for battle and we can't do that with panels missing and exposed wiring.'

'I'll get on that, Commander,' Adams spoke from the back and Shepard nodded.

'One last thing,' she paused as if thinking about what was coming next. 'For those that haven't already figured it out we have an AI on board.'

'I knew it!' Traynor blurted then blushed as she looked at the amused faces around her.

'Say hello, EDI,' Shepard looked at the ceiling.

'Hello EDI,' the ceiling spoke back and several people chuckled.

'EDI is part of the crew, she's saved us more than once. Get to know her, ask her questions, she's eager to learn and would appreciate you treating her just like any other crew member.' Shepard took a last look at the faces around her, 'any questions?' When none were forthcoming she nodded, 'crew dismissed.'

Shepard stepped down from the table and James watched as several people approached her. She treated them all equally and with respect, she really was something unusual in a CO.

'And the magic happens,' Joker chuckled beside him as Steve nodded at them both and disappeared in the direction of the elevator.

'The what?'

'It's what we call Shepard's ability to draw people to her cause,' Joker nodded to the people around her, 'look at their faces, they're in awe and they don't know why but they'll stand by her.'

'Aye,' Donnelly moved to lean against the wall on James' other side, 'there's definitely something about her.' He looked at James, 'you've certainly got the look.'

'Nah,' Joker chuckled, 'Vega doesn't have the magic look he has the other one.'

'Ah,' Donnelly grinned and James looked from one to the other in confusion. 'Good luck with that one.' He pushed off the wall, 'well, time to go see what these Alliance engineers have done to our baby.' He held out his hand, 'Ken Donnelly, nice to meet you.'

'James Vega,' he took the offered hand and was surprised by the strength in it.

'Hey, Gabby,' Donnelly called to the woman he'd come in with, 'let's go see what damage has been done to our engines.'

'I'll have you know we took extremely good care of her,' Adams scowled at Donnelly as he joined them in their walk to the elevator.

'Aye, I'm sure you did, but best to check anyway.'

Joker chuckled, 'it's good to have some of the old crew back.' He placed his hand on James' shoulder, 'welcome aboard, Vega, I hope you're here for the long haul.'

The look in his eyes told James he was serious and asking a question that shouldn't be asked aloud but James understood. 'I'm not going anywhere.'

'Good. I'm heading up to the bridge, we'll be heading out soon.' And with that he was gone.

James stood and watched as Shepard spoke to the crew, as they slowly dwindled away and he was the only one left. She turned to face him and she was glowing. She seemed relieved, as if she'd expected the crew to disappear and she would be unable to fly her ship. In that moment she was stunning and he found it hard to breathe. Her eyes were alight with life, her lips were parted in the lightest of smiles and there was colour in her cheeks. It was the perfect image to commit to memory.

'Hey, James, you ready for this,' she came to stand before him.

'Ready for whatever comes, Shepard.'

'What, no Lola?'

He blushed and she grinned. He looked at her in surprise, 'I wasn't sure …'

'How I'd react, whether I'd like it,' she raised her eyebrows at him and he nodded. 'You're lucky I like you so you can get away with it for now, besides,' she turned and started walking away, 'I might like the idea of being the woman of your dreams.'

She was gone before he could answer and he was thankful because he honestly didn't know what to say.

'Lieutenant Vega.' He turned to find Dr Chakwas standing in the doorway of the medbay, 'now would be a good time for me to give you the regulatory medical.'

James walked into the medbay and he had a feeling he was going to get more than a medical. He stripped off his shirt and braced himself as the doctor made the windows opaque because he had a strong suspicion this woman would see straight through him.


	28. Chapter 28

**** 28 ****

Palaven was burning. It hung over their heads, a planet dying in ways no-one could comprehend. Open burning wounds, silent yet screaming in pain. James was thankful they hadn't hung around long enough to see Earth in this state, it was bad enough watching some else's world destroyed. Liara climbed the communication tower behind him but the planet above him filled his vision and thoughts. How long could a world survive this kind of onslaught, how many people would live through it?

He'd seen the colour drain from Shepard's face as they watched their arrival in system, staring over Joker's shoulder, her fingers had gripped his chair so tight her nails left indents. They'd gaped in disbelief at the decimation of the most powerful fleet in the galaxy. She'd whispered a name: Garrus. James knew the turian was important to her and for her sake he hoped he'd survived.

He pulled in his wandering thoughts and focused on the next wave of husks that climbed out of holes, clambered over rocks and shuffled towards them with that ever constant moan. It made his blood run cold. No amount of time in the simulator prepared him for the real thing, it was just creepy. And how did they survive the fireballs that dropped them from great heights? It was beyond him, all he knew was that they needed to die.

'How's it coming, Liara?' Shepard yelled as she sent out another round of combat drones and turrets.

'Almost done,' the asari called back, her voice muffled with her head buried in the communications tower.

James was glad she was off the ground. Her biotics were impressive and he appreciated how easy it was to hit a target held in the air. But she was not military and it showed. There was no co-ordination, she saw husks and threw out a singularity, then she'd turn and put others into stasis or throw out a warp. Shepard almost seemed thankful when she sent her up the tower.

Working with Shepard felt instinctive. Their skills worked together and they did things without thinking or asking. She incinerated, he blasted everything apart with a follow up carnage. Instinctive. He took down their legs, she took off their heads, set them on fire or froze them. They worked as a perfect pair, completely in tune. It was the most exciting battle he'd ever fought.

Eventually they found themselves back at the command post and James felt a new connection with Shepard. They'd been bathed in blood together, they were now a true team and it only intensified his attraction to her. She was sweaty, dirty and had husk guts all over her but she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She glanced at him and smiled. It made his heart flip in his chest, the butterflies battering against his ribs made him suck in a breath.

She was talking to the officer in charge when a voice made her turn and the joy on her face was a wonder to behold. James followed her gaze to see a turian walking towards them. Garrus Vakarian. He was sure that if they'd been anywhere else she would have hugged him, but they were with turians and they didn't show emotions. He could see her joy reflected in Vakarian's eyes though. Liara had tears in her eyes as Garrus joined them.

'James,' Shepard sounded in control but she placed her hand on his shoulder and even through his armour he could feel her trembling. 'This is Garrus Vakarian, he helped me take down the Collectors. Garrus, Lieutenant James Vega.'

'Lieutenant,' Garrus nodded and his mandibles tightened against his face as he looked him up and down.

He returned the nod. He knew about Vakarian from reading Shepard's reports, also known as Archangel on Omega. The turian was an expert sniper and had been with Shepard from the start. A twinge in his guts made him push down the jealousy that crept forward. There was nothing between Shepard and Vakarian except a very close friendship, he knew that, and yet he couldn't help feeling threatened by it.

There was no time to think about it though as suddenly they were rushing to help defend the airfield and then the barricade. James welcomed the adrenaline cursing through him as they became a team and took down everything that came at them. With Liara sent back to the Normandy the three of them settled into a rhythm. He might not have been with Shepard and Vakarian very long but they already felt like a more cohesive unit. James was grinning like a lunatic as he shot curses and bullets at the enemy. He could hear Vakarian doing the same from the other end of the barricade and he knew he'd met a new brother in arms.

Something huge caught his eye. 'Holy Hell! What is that thing?'

The hulking cross between a turian and a krogan lumbered towards them, its footfalls making the barricade shake.

'Brace yourselves,' Shepard warned and the words were no sooner out of her mouth than she was tumbling off the wall.

'Shepard!' James jumped after her.

He unloaded his shotgun into the brute, running and reloading, giving Shepard time to scramble to her feet. Vakarian attacked from the other side but their shots had little impact as the monstrosity followed James. It stopped and thumped its chest, giving out a deafening roar that addled his senses. Next thing he knew it was on top of him. His vision swam, the world around him spun as he was slammed into the ground.

'James!' Shepard rushed to his defence, sending out a combat drone before incinerating the monster.

She successfully drew its attention away from James. He pushed himself to his feet, his ears ringing and his bones aching. Comprehension returned as husks joined the fray. He sucked in a deep breath, checked his shotgun and turned just in time to place a perfect shot through the skull of a husk that was almost on him. He scanned the battlefield to find Shepard still dodging the brute but there were husks climbing up the rock face behind her. With a flick of his wrist he sent out a series of frag grenades, putting an end to that particular threat.

He looked back at the brute and could see where most of its armour plating was gone. He grinned as he saw the perfect target. Walking forward, he sent round after round into the most vulnerable part of the brute. Finally it collapsed, but not before giving a final swing of its clawed hand forcing Shepard to jump back in surprise.

'Well that was fun,' James dropped in a new cartridge as he joined Shepard, 'gives a whole new meaning to pain in the ass.' He kicked the exposed backside of the beast where his bullets had done the most damage. 'What are these things?'

'They're a turian krogan hybrid,' Garrus nudged it with his rifle, 'they started appearing a few days ago. We assumed the Reapers had taken krogans from somewhere and with the number of turians …, well; they have plenty of resources'

'But aren't they an incompatible species? One's levo and the other's dextro.' James frowned and Shepard moved closer to examine the hulk.

'Looks like they're getting past that with tech,' she pointed to several implants.

'Makes for a formidable soldier,' Garrus sighed and his gaze moved out over the barren moonscape but his eyes flicked upwards. 'Turian military skill and krogan blood rage.'

'Damn, they're going to be hard to kill,' James moved beside him, glancing up at the fireball above them, Garrus' people were dying over their heads. 'At least we know we can shoot them in the ass.'

'I like the way you think, lieutenant,' Garrus chuckled, pulling his eyes back to James.

'Just don't get in front of him when he's flying a shuttle,' Shepard grinned as she came to stand beside him, nudging his shoulder when he grimaced.

'Can't be any worse than you driving the mako,' Garrus managed to keep a straight face as Shepard scowled at him.

Their banter was interrupted by a message from command, after which they were on their way forward. They had a Primarch to find and a war to win. James had never been so happy to be in the middle of a war zone.

* * *

He was sore all over, but it was a good sore. It was pain gained from battle. It had come from standing side by side with two formidable warriors, saving lives and taking down an enemy that expected others to tremble before it. He'd been to see the doc and even though she made it clear, repeatedly, that she was watching him and his behaviour with Shepard, he liked her. She told it like it was, no sugar coating. She told him to get some rest but he had other ideas.

He grabbed a coffee and sat in the mess. He knew Shepard was busy dealing with politicians but there were numerous reports on the latest round of ship updates waiting for attention, so he checked them over and used the authority she'd given him to flag them as read. What they'd learned on Menae also needed to be shared, how to kill brutes, notes on the marauders and their shields. If he could get the information out, he was sure it would save lives. He was deep in thought and reading the report he'd written when a shadow fell across him and Garrus sat down.

'Lieutenant,' Garrus fiddled with a cup of something white as he stared at James.

'Call me James, or Vega,' James placed his datapad on the table. 'No need to be formal.'

'Okay,' he sat back and stretched out his legs. 'I hear you were the one who looked after Shepard when she was on Earth.'

'Yeah,' his forehead creased.

'I also hear you saved her life, took a poisoned blade for her.'

'I was … '

'Only doing your job, I know,' his mandibles flared and James wondered if he was amused. 'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'For making sure she survived.' Garrus sat forward and leaned across the table, James instinctively did the same, as if they were about to share a secret. 'If she wasn't here to lead us there's a good chance none of us would survive. We need her to get us through this.'

'I'd do it again in a heartbeat.'

Garrus stared at him for a moment and James almost squirmed under his scrutiny. 'Be careful, Vega. If you hurt her you'll have to deal with me.'

'What are you talking about?' Garrus saw through his feigned innocence and James knew it.

His mandibles tightened and James wasn't sure if he should be worried or not. 'Just be careful, that's all I'm saying.'

'So we're having the big brother chat,' Joker came around the corner and sat beside James. 'I'd warn you too but not much chance of me taking you down, unless you're outside the ship, in a hangar where I can use the guns.' He grinned at James as he rolled his eyes.

'I hear you made a bit of a mess.' Garrus chuckled.

'Yeah, Anderson wasn't happy but hey, it was for a good cause.' Joker reached across and held out his hand, 'it's good to have you back, Garrus.'

'It's good to be back.' The turian took his offered hand.

'What, you don't want to be the turian version of Shepard, from what I hear you had generals bowing to you.' Joker laughed at the scowl he received.

'How do you guys hear all this stuff?' James looked from one to the other.

'We have friends in high places,' Garrus shrugged.

'Well, right now in the XO's quarters,' Joker nodded in the general direction, 'which Shepard isn't too happy about.'

'Oh, I thought she'd be glad to have Liara on board,' Garrus glanced over his shoulder.

'She is, useful intel and all that, she just wasn't happy she took over that room without asking.' Joker pushed to his feet, 'if we get an XO where are they going to sleep.' He stepped away from the table, 'well, I'd better get my coffee and get back to the helm before EDI comes looking for me.'

'I know exactly where you are at all times, Jeff.' Joker simply looked at the ceiling and shook his head.

'Yeah, what's with that new body,' James grinned at him, 'I heard Shepard wasn't happy with her either.'

'No, she doesn't like anyone putting her ship in danger, especially the AI. EDI has a lot to learn about protocols.'

'I have no doubt you'll teach her, Joker,' Garrus laughed as the pilot scowled at him. 'You have your own unique way of dealing with protocol.'

'Yeah, yeah,' Joker waved him off and headed to the kitchen.

'Okay, I have guns to calibrate,' Garrus stood up and looked down at James, 'remember what I said, James.'

'Shepard has nothing to worry about from me,' James met his eyes. 'I'm here for her.'

'Good to hear,' Garrus turned and walked away.

James watched the turian head towards the forward battery before shifting his gaze to Joker in the kitchen. They were two men who knew Shepard very well and both had warned him about not hurting her. Was it so obvious that he had feelings for her, he thought he'd hidden them well. He picked up his datapad but the words blurred on the page, his thoughts were elsewhere.

Eventually he was happy with what he'd written but he needed to get the information to people who mattered. And right at that moment Shepard walked around the corner. Actually, it was more like she stormed around the corner and James quickly covered his grin. Obviously the politicians weren't playing nice.

'Commander,' he stood as she went to walk past the table. 'Something wrong?'

'What the fuck could be wrong,' she continued her journey to the kitchen and cursed when she found the coffee pot empty. 'Doesn't anyone know how to refill this thing?' She slammed it down and James waited for it to shatter.

'I'll fix you coffee,' James gently grabbed her shoulders and moved her aside. 'I take it the politicians aren't being helpful.'

'That's an understatement,' she sighed and leant against the counter. 'The turians want the krogans but the salarians don't.' She threw her hands in the air, 'the asari can't get off their high horses long enough to see the danger. They're like children.'

'So, what are you going to do?'

'I agree with Primarch Victus, we need the krogan. He's agreed to help Earth if we can get krogans on Palaven. He's lucky I know the king of the krogans,' she grinned and James was fairly certain it was more for the king of the krogans than the coffee he gave her. 'At least I've got the turians, krogans and salarians to the same table. Just make sure I don't carry a gun when I enter the room will you.'

'Yes, ma'am,' he laughed at the scowl she gave him. 'I wanted to pass on what we learned on Menae, it might help save some lives.' He handed her the report, which she read as he continued, 'I thought you might know the best place to send it.'

'This is good,' she met his eyes and he was surprised at the pride he saw there. 'I'd say send it to Anderson but Traynor is having problems getting the QEC to connect to Earth and most of the com buoys are out. Send it to Hackett, he'll know where it needs to go.'

'Will do,' he watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 'I think Campbell is making some kind of cottage pie for dinner, how about we go through the latest updates over a meal later.'

'I'd like that,' she smiled at him and he was sure the ground gave way beneath him. 'Actually, we should have a full team debrief and officers meeting.' She laughed at his effort to hide his disappointment. 'Just kidding, James. How about we meet in the starboard lounge.'

'Roger that,' he couldn't hide his grin.

'Hey James,' he stopped as he was about to walk away, 'thanks for stepping into the XO's shoes, we might have to make it official.'

'Won't Major Alenko be coming back?'

'I don't know, but if he does he won't be familiar with what's been happening on board. I might have to give you a field promotion.'

'As long as I still get to go on missions. I'll keep doing the work but I'm not doing it to gain a promotion.' His unspoken message was distinctly clear and Shepard nodded in response. She would never ask for help but she wouldn't refuse it if it was offered, he knew that much about her. 'I'll go and see how Traynor's going with the QEC.'

James could almost see the gratitude on her face and it made him feel good. His mood changed though as he stepped into the communications room to find Traynor cursing and kicking a panel.

'Traynor, everything okay?'

'No, it's bloody not okay,' she gave the panel another kick then suddenly realised she wasn't alone. 'Sorry, sir, this damn thing just doesn't want to work and I don't have eight hands.'

'What do you need, Traynor?' He placed his hand on her shoulder and she sagged in defeat. 'I'm not good with tech but maybe I can help.'

An hour and a half later the QEC blinked into life as Traynor climbed out of a hole in the wall. James watched as she fiddled with the controls and he could see her face brightening as things responded. He jumped as the QEC suddenly activated and a figure appeared.

'We have you now, Normandy. Great job.'

'Stokes?' James stared as the fuzzy image cleared a little and a smiling face became clear.

'Vega, that you?'

'Stokes, you're alive.' James' voice broke and he felt Traynor's hand on his shoulder as he pulled his emotions under control. 'What about the rest of the team?'

'Alive and kicking Reaper ass,' Stokes was laughing, 'glad to hear you made it to the Normandy.' He glanced at someone out of view. 'Is Shepard around, there's someone here who wants to speak with her.'

'Anderson,' James grinned as the admiral stepped into view and he felt Traynor leave. 'Damn it's good to see you sir.'

'You too James, but what's with the formality?'

'Sorry,' he shrugged and even though the image was fuzzy he could still see the haggard look and the dishevelled uniform. 'EDI, call Shepard to the QEC please but don't tell her why.'

'Of course Lieutenant.'

'She's going to be happy to see you, I know I am.'

'What's going on …. 'Shepard stopped in the doorway as James stepped aside so she could see past him. 'Anderson.' The choked whisper didn't escape James' notice. She stepped up to the console, her eyes moist and her hands shaking. 'It's good to see you, David.'

James stepped back so Shepard could have her moment with Anderson. This would brighten her day because it certainly brightened his. His mentor and close friend was alive, surviving against the odds it would seem. And his team was doing the same. Dinner conversation would be much more interesting now and he couldn't wait.

'James,' she looked at him over her shoulder, 'stay, please.'

He nodded and moved to stand at her side as she proceeded to bombard Anderson with questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're curious about how Stokes came to be where he is then read Surviving Hell on Earth.


	29. Chapter 29

**** 29 ****

James stared at the spot where Anderson had stood. The silence was heavy and he couldn't help the feeling of guilt that gnawed at him. He was safe on the Normandy while Anderson and his team were fighting for their survival. It was a double-edged sword, he wanted to be here, with Shepard, watching her back and taking some of her load, yet he wanted to be on Earth, helping them survive. Whichever way it cut it hurt.

He was about to turn and leave when he realised that Shepard hadn't moved. He looked at her to find her rigid, her knuckles white on the console, her arms trembling with tension, her head dropped on her chest and she was shaking.

'Shepard?' He leaned forward to find her eyes closed. She was biting her bottom lip, hard. He reached up and gently placed his hand on her shoulder, 'Shepard are …'

Before he'd finished she spun and pushed herself into his chest, her fists clenched in his shirt and her head buried against his collarbone. _Was she crying?_ He quickly wrapped his arms around her, took three steps backwards to the wall and turned so his bulk hid them from prying eyes in the war room. Shepard held herself tight against him and he adjusted his hold, one hand around her back, the other cradling her head as she trembled uncontrollably.

'EDI,' his eyes flicked to the ceiling as he spoke softly, 'the commander is unavailable right now, if anyone needs her send them to Joker or Traynor.'

'Understood, lieutenant, should I alert Dr Chakwas?'

'No, just give us privacy for a bit please.'

'Logging you out.'

James held the woman of his dreams in his arms. She had to hear his heart racing as his fingers buried themselves in her hair, as the scent of her shampoo assailed his senses and his hand in the middle of her back held her tight against him. His concern for her prevented other thoughts from arising but as he closed his eyes and rested his cheek on the top of her head he knew it wouldn't take much for certain things to pop up.

They stood like that for what seemed an eternity but finally he felt her move. She didn't move away though, she simply turned her head and rested her cheek against his chest as her hands relaxed their grip on his shirt but remained flat on his chest. He could feel the heat of her, it burned, but he would happily stand and let it sear his skin. James never wanted this moment to end and she seemed content to stay right where she was but he knew they wouldn't be alone for long.

'Are you okay, Lola?'

'No,' she whispered. 'We left them James. We left them to come out here and play politics when we should be on Earth helping them stay alive.' She sucked in a shuddering breath, 'how could we do that? You were right, we should have gone back.'

It had never been clearer to James that as much as she buried her emotions she was a deeply passionate person. When she cared about someone it was with everything she had. Leaving Anderson behind was tearing her apart. Commander Andora Shepard was not the cold hearted bitch everyone said she was. Andora, it rolled over his tongue, it felt right, natural, and he was eager for the chance to call her by name. Doing it now would be wrong, even though she had told him to on Earth. It was different now, she was his CO and calling her by name felt disrespectful.

He would wait until that moment when he could tell her he loved her because even if she didn't love him back he would tell her, one day. He could only imagine being loved by her, it would be all encompassing, probably overwhelming but above all emotionally exhilarating and intense. He wanted that so badly he could taste it, but she didn't need to know that, especially right now.

'No, you were right,' her hair floated on his breath and he carefully brushed it down and out of her face. 'The best way we can help them is to get ships and troops to Earth. Anderson is one of the best soldiers I know, he'll keep himself and others alive.'

Without thinking he placed a soft kiss on her head and he felt her breath hitch. He waited for her to tell him to back off, to know his place but she leaned further into him.

'I hope so,' her hands dropped to his waist, sliding around him to rest in the small of his back and it was his turn to gasp softly. 'I'll never forgive myself if we're wrong.' She sighed and raised her head. 'So,' she stepped back but her hands were still on his waist as his hands moved to her shoulders, 'you see me as a Lola, huh?' There was no evidence of tears and he knew she'd fought hard to stop them from escaping.

The sudden change of subject took him by surprise but he met her eyes as he spoke, 'yeah, you remind me of my best friend's older sister.'

'Oh?' She raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned.

'Hot, sexy,' his voice dropped an octave and her eyes darkened.

'So you think I'm hot and sexy?' it was soft and smooth, velvety, and it washed over him in ways he never expected.

'You have no idea,' James muttered as his face burned but he could see colour in her cheeks too.

Suddenly she stepped back and dropped her hands to her side, all emotion gone from her face. The commander was back. Disappointment flowed over him but James understood now, it was her defence mechanism, it was nothing personal.

'I'm sorry you had to see me like this, James,' she squared her shoulders and blew out a breath. 'It won't happen again.'

She was about to walk away but he grabbed her wrist and stopped her. She looked from his hand to his eyes and he was sure she was going to yell at him for manhandling his superior, but she didn't.

'I'm not sorry,' he held her gaze. 'I've told you Shepard, I'm here for you. No-one expects you to do this alone and if you need to break you can do it with me, no recriminations or guilt involved. I just want you to know that.'

Her hand moved to take his fingers lightly in hers and she nodded before giving a gentle squeeze and releasing her hold. 'I'll see you at dinner.'

Then she was gone and James sagged against the wall. He could still feel the heat from where he'd held her against him, shadows of her hands rested on his waist, the softness of her hair still brushed against his face. He'd never felt like this around any woman before, it was frightening and yet he wanted so much more.

'Hey, Vega,' Joker spoke in his earpiece, 'nice work.'

'You were watching,' he looked at the ceiling, not sure if he should be angry or not.

'Just worried,' there was genuine concern in his voice. 'Needed to know if Chakwas should be there.'

'Yeah, I'm sure that's all it was,' James was chuckling as he left the com room.

'Be careful Vega, she's been burned pretty recently.'

'I'm aware of that,' James made his way to the elevator. 'Fucking pendejo didn't realise what he had,' he was muttering under his breath but obviously not quietly enough.

'Okay then,' Joker was grinning, James was sure of it. 'I'll make sure the starboard obs lounge is empty when you need it.'

As the elevator doors closed James realised that Joker was giving him his seal of approval and while Vega didn't feel he needed it he certainly appreciated it. It was one step closer to becoming part of the family, and family was important, especially this one.

James spent the next few hours gathering reports, checking on ship and crew and forwarding updates to Hackett. His thoughts kept wandering back to the feel of Shepard in his arms and he needed to keep himself busy so he didn't get lost in them. He worked with Traynor to ensure their link with Earth was stable which also allowed him to talk to Stokes again.

'Is there anything that doesn't faze you, Stokes?' He was more than impressed with the young man's abilities and the ease with which he fell into anything that was thrown at him. Anderson was lucky to have him and James had no doubt the admiral knew that.

'Nah,' the grin was contagious and James couldn't help but grin back. 'Why get stressed over things you can't change.'

'You've been hanging around Zahedi too long,' James chuckled as he sent information through the link.

'I'll pass on your reports to the admiral,' Stokes glanced up and James could hear rumbling in the background.

'Everything okay?'

'Damn Reapers keep stomping around and dropping buildings, it's as if they're making sure they're all empty.' Stokes relaxed again but James could see he was unsettled. 'They've killed so many and their troops on the ground are increasing.' For the first time James heard doubt in his voice.

'Hey,' James watched him look up, 'you hang in there, Anderson will do his best to keep you alive and we are bringing help.'

'I know,' he sighed and guilt reared its ugly head again as James gripped the console. 'We're moving in the next couple of days, Anderson wants me to keep you and Hackett updated so I'll be sending reports through to Traynor. We have to get out of the city, seems the Reapers don't like the countryside and fresh air.'

'Make sure you read the stuff I sent on the Reaper troops we've encountered so far, it might help.'

'Roger that, I'll make sure it's passed on to the soldiers in the field once the admiral has read it.' Stokes glanced over his shoulder, 'I have to go, the admiral's called a meeting.'

'Take care, Stokes and let everyone know we're thinking of you and we will bring help.' James saw him nod before the connection ended. He stared at the empty space, wishing he could grab them all and pull them onto the Normandy, keep them safe.

'Lieutenant?'

James turned to find Liara standing behind him. 'What can I do for you Doctor T'Soni?'

'I was hoping to get some time on the QEC, check in with my sources, the normal networks are slowly disappearing so this is my only other option.' She stood patiently and it occurred to him just how powerful this woman was and how much information she had at her fingertips.

'Sure, check with Traynor and set up a schedule. All Alliance, Council or ally messages take precedence,' he watched as she nodded.

'Thank you,' she moved so he could step past her, 'Lieutenant,' he paused and she smiled at him, 'call me Liara, please.'

James stared at her for a moment before realising that she was accepting him as part of the crew, as part of the Normandy family. There was something about her though that grated on him, she was a dangerous person he knew that, but it wasn't it, there was just something he couldn't put his finger on. She was also a member of Shepard's inner circle, she'd been there from the beginning just like Joker and Garrus, and Alenko. Just thinking about the major made his head ache. Then a thought occurred to him.

'Liara it is,' he acknowledged and her smile widened. 'Are you getting information from Earth?"

'Some,' she sighed and he wondered just where her spies were placed, 'why?'

'It's … ' He paused and she frowned at him. Did he have the right to ask for something personal when so many others couldn't?

'You want to know about family,' she guessed his intention. 'It's only natural that you would want to know,' she placed her hand on his arm, 'don't feel guilty because of it.'

'I'm sure others do too,' he ran his hand through his hair.

'I have an idea that might help,' she handed him an empty datapad. 'Why don't you get a list of everyone's families, where they are, where they might go and we'll see what we can find.'

'Thanks,' his relief must have been obvious because she chuckled softly. 'I'll let Traynor know that you need to make up a schedule.' He nodded and left.

* * *

James made sure he allowed time to shower and change before meeting Shepard for dinner. It wasn't a date but he wasn't about to spoil her meal by drowning her in the smell of his sweat. If he was honest, he wanted to make a good impression besides the one she had of him as a soldier. He wasn't off duty but he switched into a comfortable Alliance shirt that was too tight around the collar but worked if he left the top two buttons undone.

He gathered his reports and headed to the mess to collect their dinners. Campbell informed him that EDI had already done that and was in the starboard observation lounge. With curiosity creasing his brow he stepped through the door and stopped. His mouth dropped open as he took in the room.

'Um, EDI, what ….'

She turned towards him, 'I have prepared the room for your dinner with Shepard,' she crossed her hands behind her, 'Jeff informed me that this is appropriate for such an occasion.'

James glanced at the artificial candles and cushions scattered around the room before his gaze landed on the table set for an intimate dinner for two, including a bottle of wine. _Where the hell did that come from?_

'Dr Chakwas assures me that this particular wine is the perfect accompaniment to the meal.'

That answered that question. He didn't know what to say. She'd obviously gone to a lot of trouble to create a warm, cosy environment and he hated to burst the bubble but not only was it inappropriate it was downright uncomfortable. Laughter burst through the com overhead and both he and EDI glanced up.

'If only you could see your face, Vega,' Joker chortled.

'This was your idea, wasn't it?' James grimaced.

EDI shifted as if she was uncomfortable, 'I assume from Jeff's laughter and your fearful appearance that I have been tricked.' She glanced at the ceiling and James guessed that Joker would be getting a lecture. 'I apologise for making you uncomfortable, Lieutenant. I will correct the situation.' She went to move but stopped and looked back at him. 'I would suggest you leave the shutter closed however.'

James looked at the closed shutter and it took him a moment but his eyes widened as he understood. 'Shepard has problems with open space.'

'Yes, she tends to avoid areas with views outside the ship when possible.'

James nodded, it was to be expected he supposed after dying the way she did, 'Thanks, EDI and I'm sorry you went to so much trouble for nothing.'

Before EDI could begin tidying up the door opened and Shepard stepped through. Her mouth dropped just like James' had and she stared at the room before her eyes fell on James.

'What the hell is going on?'

'I apologise Commander,' EDI faced her and took the brunt of her surprise, 'it seems Jeff has tricked me into something inappropriate at your and Lieutenant Vega's expense.'

James was surprised when Shepard laughed, 'Joker, you're an asshole,' she stared at the ceiling but there was no anger in her words.

'I was about to correct the mistake,' EDI went towards the table but Shepard stopped her and looked at James.

'You don't want to have a candlelit dinner with me?' Her eyebrows lifted as she cocked a hip and folded her arms across her chest, 'you've changed for the occasion.'

'I … what …' James stuttered before finding control. He leaned towards her and his voice was husky as he spoke softly, 'I would love to have a candlelit dinner with you, Lola.' He grinned at her wide eyes before moving to a chair and pulling it out. 'Have a seat, my lady.'

Shepard shook her head with a laugh and willingly took the offered seat. 'Joker, you can tell whoever won the bet that I expect half of their winnings.'

'What!' There was spluttering on the other end of the com, 'what makes you think there's a bet?'

'Because this is your doing and you wouldn't do anything other than bet on the outcome. Anyone that took part deserves to lose half of whatever they won.'

James was laughing as he took his seat, any sense of discomfort was gone until he sat down and looked at Shepard behind the candles. She was beautiful. Her eyes shone with humour and even though it was electronic the warm light of the candles created an aura around her that softened  her face. Her hair was golden and her lips dark as she looked at him across the table. She licked her lips as her eyes dropped to the open neck of his shirt. There was an immeasurable amount of pleasure in that simple movement and James was sure the temperature in the room had risen several degrees, and it had nothing to do with the candles.

Neither of them heard EDI leave or the door locking behind her. They didn't hear Joker's annoyed curses as the cameras and audio feed were disabled. All they could hear were their own loudly beating hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on updates, holidays that went longer than planned due to vehicle breakdowns and family coming to stay unexpectedly put a dampener on posting chapters. Hopefully things will get back to normal now. I really appreciate your patience and that you're taking the time to read my fics.


	30. Chapter 30

**** 30 ****

Shepard cleared her throat. Her eyes refused to obey her order and remained locked on the bare skin visible in the opening of James' shirt. The open buttons formed an arrow pointing in a direction Shepard wasn't game to go. The thought of what lay under that shirt was tantalising and she shifted in her seat. Forcing her eyes upward she found James staring at her with a hunger that had nothing to do with the food and it sent heat through to her very core. She cleared her throat again and reached for the glass of wine EDI had poured. She didn't know if it was good wine or not, it didn't matter, she simply needed to wet her suddenly dry throat. She took a long drink before realising that it would go straight to her head and the last thing she needed was to get even slightly drunk.

'We should probably eat before it gets cold,' she lifted the food warmer lid and picked up her fork.

'Yeah,' James focused on his meal as if it was a life preserver keeping him afloat.

They ate in silence, an uncomfortable, heavy silence and Shepard became more flustered by the minute. The food was tasteless and she knew she was doing a disservice to the cook because she was sure it was good, but she felt trapped in a surreal place where everything was different, odd. From the way James picked at his food she could only guess that he was feeling it too. She persevered a little longer before dropping her fork noisily onto her plate with a frustrated sigh.

'This is ridiculous!' She sat back in her chair and looked at James across the table. 'Why the fuck is this so damn uncomfortable?'

'Gracias Dios!' He dropped his fork and let out a loud, relieved breath. 'I thought it was just me.'

'We've had meals together before,' Shepard leant forward on her elbows, 'it's just a few candles for crying out loud, and they're not even real.'

'It's not exactly the candlelit dinner I imagined having with you, Lola,' James obviously regretted the words before he'd finished speaking if his wide eyes were anything to go by.

'I … James …. ' He had to see the sudden doubt and fear in her eyes.

She pushed to her feet and stood before the closed shutter. She wrapped her arms around her waist, stiffening and straightening her back as she stared at the metal that separated them from the cold and dark space outside. The idea that James had thought about a candlelit dinner with her worried her, though it pleased her too, but she'd been down this road before and it wasn't a pleasant journey.

She still felt the pain, still wondered if things were fixable, if she really wanted them fixed. She'd thought she was over the hurt until it was stirred up all over again, along with the doubt and the bitterness that wasn't her fault yet she was blamed for it. She didn't want a future filled with that but it would probably always be there if she took that step, if she went back to him. Honestly, she didn't want to go back, it was a part of her previous life and it felt disjointed, as if her resurrection had created two lives, the old and the new and they didn't seem to fit together.

She heard James move and was afraid he was leaving until she felt his strength and heat against her back. It would be so easy to lean into him, take the support he offered, take the chance, but the uncertainty ate at her, clouded her thoughts and impaired her judgement. She was uncomfortable with that, she hated not feeling in control. But that wasn't James' fault, it was hers. She had a second chance.  She knew she would probably die before this was over so should she ignore the opportunity standing right behind her? Could she do that to him, give him hope only to see it dashed in the red beam of a Reaper.

'Shepard,' she sucked in a quiet breath at the tenderness in his voice and her fingers gripped the fabric of her shirt. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.'

She could hear his pain. It aroused feelings she thought long buried, locked away in a prison of her own making. He didn't deserve to suffer because of her fear and he needed to know the truth: that she might never be able to give him what he so clearly wanted.

'James,' she turned and raised her eyes to his.

The pure emotion on his face made her heart soar and for a moment the cracks healed as it beat loudly in her ears. But doubt and fear were stronger, their icy fingers caught hold and dug in, opening up new cracks and making her heart ache.

'I know, Lola,' James gave her a soft smile that brought tears to her eyes.

* * *

James watched her get up and stand before the closed shutter. He wanted to kick himself. How could he have been so stupid? He knew, right then, that the moment had come when he needed to let her in, open up and show her that he trusted her with his heart, that she could trust him with hers. If it backfired and she refused it then he would learn to live with it.

He placed the warmer covers over their food and moved to stand behind her. For a moment he thought she was going to lean back into him, he had a sense that she was able to trust him at least that far. But she didn't and the feeling passed.

'Shepard,' He couldn't hide the emotion in his voice and he heard her suck in a quiet breath. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.'

'James,' the pain on her face as she turned and met his eyes was heartbreaking and the thought that he'd caused it made his eyes burn with unshed tears.

He knew what she was about to say, he could see it in her eyes, but he wasn't ready to let go. He wasn't ready to give up and she needed to know that.

'I know, Lola,' he smiled through his sadness and was surprised to see her eyes moisten. It gave him hope and as she went to speak he raised his hand to her face and cupped her cheek. 'Please, hear me out.' She nodded, closing her eyes and lowering her head into his hand.

It was a confusing, twisted roller coaster ride. One minute he was sure she felt something then she'd close off and back away. Then there were times like this, where she accepted his touch, where she seemed to enjoy the closeness developing between them. Every time they reached that crest James waited for the drop, knowing they would freefall into the curve before aiming for another high spot. But the high spots were worth every dip, every stomach churning moment.

'Lola, I don't know how or why this thing between us happened, only that it did. I know you feel it, but I know you've been hurt, that you're confused.' Her beautiful brown eyes opened and he saw trust looking back at him. He'd take that, it gave him something to work with. 'I'm not asking for anything you're not willing to give. I just need you to know that I'm here, I want to take care of you and if I have to do that as a friend I will, but,' he saw her eyes darken and hurried on before she could interrupt, 'I can't stop whatever these feelings are between us, I don't want to.'

He brought his other hand up and held her face gently, 'I will never deliberately hurt you, Lola, I can't because it would kill me.' A tear rolled down her cheek and he wiped it away gently with his thumb. 'I know we shouldn't be doing this but if this is the end of life as we know it then I'm willing to take the chance. I just need you to know that whatever you decide I will still be here, right by your side whenever you need me. Can you accept that?'

_There, he'd said it._ James' heart was pounding in his chest as he waited, the thump-thump- thump was either the death knell for his dreams, or the beat of the drum that marked time before they marched into the future.

She nodded silently. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she blinked back tears and James' breath stopped in his throat as she reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. Her touch ignited a fire that had only been smouldering but quickly became a raging inferno. She'd touched him before but this was different, there was acceptance and possibility in that gentle caress. Her eyes held a powerful longing that had never been there in all the times she'd looked at him. It made him a little bolder than he probably should have been. He lowered his head and kissed her.

He was so lost in the taste of her, the softness of her lips, the complete and perfect beauty of their first real kiss that it took him a moment to realise that she was kissing him back. Her lips parted beneath his, her hand slid to his neck as the distance between them disappeared. He'd kissed women before but never in his life had he felt anything so intense, so intimate and passionate. Every other kiss he'd ever had paled into insignificance. The room around them faded, the universe became centred on their lips, on the euphoria that forced gravity to disappear as James floated on air.

* * *

She saw it. He did know, he understood, it was breathtaking and terrifying to realise that he knew her pain. Yet he was here, offering her a chance at happiness. He was showing her everything, putting his heart in her hands and leaving himself vulnerable. She wasn't ready for that responsibility, was she?

Shepard didn't know what to say. She was overwhelmed by the honesty and trust James was giving her. His heart was in her hands, hers if she wanted it. She wanted it more than she realised but was she worthy, did she deserve it? The doubts and fears pushed forward even as he promised her he would never hurt her, and she knew he meant it, she could see it in his eyes. The simple act of him brushing a tear gently from her face made her want to cry, to open up and let her feelings out, but she still hesitated and he sensed it. He wasn't pushing, he didn't expect anything of her, he was letting her choose. _Oh how she loved him for that_. She had no choice but to accept his heart and she promised herself she would take good care of it.

He was right and she chided herself for trying to hide from the truth. This could be the end of everything and she was entitled to some happiness, she'd earned it. Others might doubt her but James didn't. Even if she couldn't give him what he wanted he was making her a promise that she knew he'd keep. This wasn't the soldier, this was the man beneath and he was beautiful. She wanted to grab hold and never let go but it was still too soon, too fast. That didn't stop her from reaching up and caressing his face. He stopped breathing. It was satisfying that she could have that effect on a man. She watched nervously as he closed the gap between them.

She knew she should pull away, stop this before it went any further. But how could she stop something so perfect, so amazing. His lips were soft, the tenderness in them left her breathless and she responded without hesitation. She wanted this, had wanted this for some time, this feeling of being wanted as a woman. She parted her lips as the taste of him invaded her senses. The heat of his hands on her face increased her desire and she slid her hand around his neck as the kiss deepened. A kiss had never made her feel so alive, her body tingled from her head to her toes as his lips on hers became the only thing that mattered, as everything else faded into oblivion.

But it had to end. Reluctantly they parted, their eyes opening and meeting, questioning as they gazed at each other. She couldn't help it: she smiled.

'James,' she ran her fingers down his cheek and she felt him tremble. 'I can't make you any promises, I'm sorry.' He closed his eyes but she sensed his disappointment. 'All I can say is that I need time. I've been here before and you're right, we shouldn't be doing this, but,' he opened his eyes and she saw hope there, 'you've already shown me that I can rely on you, trust you. Please don't give up on me.'

'Never,' she followed his hand as he covered hers on his cheek. 'I'm here, Lola, I always will be.' He smiled with pure joy, her heart pushed out the cold fingers, warmth flooded in and she welcomed it.

'Now, Lieutenant,' he grinned as she stepped back, 'I believe we have some reports to go over.'

'Yes, ma'am,' he smirked at her as she narrowed her brows.

'I think we've had enough of candlelight for one day,' she fiddled with her omnitool and the lights brightened. 'Let's finish dinner shall we.'

She accepted the chair he held out for her and was very aware of his presence as he sat across from her.

'Will you let me take you to dinner next time we're on the Citadel,' he reached out and took her hand in his, his eyes pleading.

'I'd like that, but maybe without the candles,' he smiled and nodded, her eyes fell to the opening in his shirt. She licked her lips and her throat was suddenly very dry. 'I'd like that very much.'


	31. Chapter 31

**** 31 ****

There was a quiet hum in the CIC, soft conversations, the buzz of haptic displays and an overall sense of control and confidence. It was relaxing. James stepped from the elevator, turning sideways to smile at Shepard who stood against the back wall. She returned his smile as the doors closed between them and James was sorry he couldn't stare at that smile all night. He'd managed to convince Shepard to get some rest, and the very fact that she trusted him to watch over the Normandy while she slept said volumes about the state of their relationship, both professional and personal.

After bearing their souls they'd fallen back into the comfortable camaraderie they'd had on Earth and it felt good. But it was also different, there was a closeness that hadn't been there before and James embraced it, revelled in it. While Shepard hadn't agreed on anything, other than not denying that there was something between them, she'd given him hope. Right now he could live with that. He was on the last step of the corridor to the bridge when he stopped and turned.

He activated his com, 'Adams, nice job on getting the cabling back where it belongs.'

'We finished the last of it half an hour ago, you were otherwise engaged.' The engineer chuckled and James wondered just how many people were in on Joker's plan. 'The cables are all back under the floor so no more trip hazards, can't imagine what the refit crew was thinking. We'll be plugging holes in the internal hull next. Especially the ones on level one, Shepard's cabin is a mess.'

'I'd leave that for a while, she's gone to get some rest.'

'Miracles do happen,' Adams laughed through the com and James grinned. 'Okay, I'll get EDI to let us know when we can go up.'

'Thanks again,' James turned and continued his journey to the bridge. The door slid open and Joker spun to face him.

'You can thank me by buying me a drink next time we dock,' the pilot laughed and held up his hands.

'Thank you for what? For ruining any chance I had with Shepard, for pushing her away. I should break every bone in your body.' James managed to keep a straight face as Joker paled.

'You're shitting me, right?'

'Do I look like I'm shitting you?' James glared at him and Joker shrank back into his chair.  James couldn't control himself for long though and laughter burst forth.

'Fuck, Vega! Way to give a guy a heart attack.' Joker blew out a breath and relaxed. 'You had Shepard face, I thought you were serious.'

'Really,' James cocked a hip and crossed his arms over his chest and Joker grinned at him.

'You know Shepard stands like that too,' he laughed as James straightened his stance, shoving his hands in his pocket simply to put them somewhere. 'So?' Joker raised his eyebrows at him.

James grinned, 'thanks, man,' his grin widened, 'we talked, got a few things sorted out.'

'That's it?' Joker sat forward, 'you're not moving up to the loft?'

'What! No! I'm not rushing this, even for you,' he scowled at him, 'is there a bet I should know about?'

'Nah,' Joker laughed but suddenly became serious. 'I'm trusting you Vega, not to break her heart.'

'It would kill me if I did,' James ran his hand through his hair. 'So, should I be worried about Alenko?'

'I hope not,' Joker sighed and sat back. 'He was there when she needed him but he wasn't what she needed, if you get what I mean.'

'I think so,' James nodded. 'Did she love him?'

'She thought she did, then after Horizon …' Joker straightened his cap. 'You should probably ask her about that but it wasn't pretty.'

'I thought things were tense between them on Mars, especially after he questioned her about Cerberus.'

'Fuck, again.' Joker shook his head, 'Kaidan's a nice guy but he tends to have a bad case of foot in mouth disease.'

They both glanced up as the door whooshed open and Traynor stood there looking at them wide eyed.

'Um, EDI told me the commander is sleeping but I've got something I think she should look at.' The specialist held a datapad against her chest.

'What's up Traynor?' James motioned her forward and she held out the pad to him.

'I've picked up a distress signal from Grissom Academy which the Turians are supposedly responding too ….'

'But?' James handed Joker the datapad.

'Something feels off,' she played with her fingers nervously. 'EDI says the signal is similar to one used to lure Commander Shepard to a collector ship.'

'Shit,' Joker cursed as he handed the datapad back to James. 'Cerberus.'

'EDI seems to think so,' Traynor nodded.

'It is the same signal used by the Illusive Man,' EDI spoke from the ceiling and James realised that she wasn't in her chair, 'but Specialist Traynor was the first to assume something was wrong.'

'So, why are there still students out there, shouldn't they have been sent home?' James looked to Joker for confirmation but he simply shrugged.

'Many of the students have left but some are working on projects for the Alliance and many are biotics.' EDI advised and James sighed.

'How long to get there?'

'Should be about two hours.'  Joker answered without hesitation.

'Okay, let's go take a look and hope we get there soon enough.' James handed the datapad back to Traynor, 'good job, Traynor.'

'Thanks,' she seemed genuinely pleased as she accepted the pad. 'I just hope I'm not leading us on a wild goose chase.'

'I don't think so,' James reassured her, 'it doesn't hurt to take a look anyway. I'll let Shepard know when she wakes up, I'm sure she'd agree with me.' He turned to Joker, 'I think this should take precedence over meeting politicians, don't you?'

'Hey, Shepard left you in charge,' Joker scoffed, 'but keeping her away from politicians is probably a good thing, besides, the salarians aren't in any hurry. Their representative won't be arriving for two days.' He spun back to his console and brought up the navigation controls. 'I'll set a course. You might want to wake Shepard with coffee, she can be a real pain before she has it.'

'Hopefully she won't choke me this time,' James grinned and headed back the way he came.

'What?' Joker leaned around his chair as he walked away. 'You can't tell me that and then leave.' The door closed between them as Joker called after him, 'Vega, come on ….'

James was chuckling as he headed for the elevator. He would wake Shepard in an hour but he planned to have everything laid out and mission ready before that. She was relying on him to take charge in her absence and he wasn't about to give her any reason to doubt him. The moments of self-doubt and hesitation were fewer but every now and then he would feel the pull of those grappling fingers. He shook it off and went to check the armoury.

* * *

'EDI, is Shepard awake?'

James stood outside her door, coffee and datapad in hand, and glanced at the ceiling.

'No, her bio readings indicate she is in a deep sleep.'

_Damn._ He hated having to wake her, he knew she hadn't slept much since the Reapers attacked Earth, but he had no choice. They couldn't go on mission without her okay and he was pretty sure she needed something to shoot at, he knew he did. Between politicians, reports coming in from Earth and around the galaxy the frustration, and guilt, was growing. He sighed and straightened his shoulders.

'Open the door please, EDI.'

The door slid open and he stepped across the threshold.  The size of her quarters surprised him, Cerberus definitely knew how to make their people comfortable, but he was here for a reason so sightseeing would have to wait. He made his way down the steps and stopped. Shepard hadn't bothered to undress which to James showed just how tired she must be.  She was curled up on the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist and her legs pulled up so tight he was surprised she wasn't cutting circulation to her feet. From the sheen of sweat on her face and the ragged breathing he guessed she was having a nightmare.

He rushed forward, placed the coffee and datapad a safe distance away and knelt beside the bed. Slowly and carefully he placed his hand on her shoulder.

'Shepard,' his voice was a whisper but it seemed to echo around the room.

She didn't respond so he moved in closer and placed his hand on her cheek. Even in sleep she leant in to his touch and he smiled. He could feel her shaking as he moved to sit on the bed, his hand never leaving her cheek.

'Lola,' he slid his other hand down her back and rubbed gently. 'Bella, you need to wake up.'

She stirred and James was ready to move quickly in case she jumped up and tried to strangle him again. He was completely unprepared for her opening her eyes, meeting his and, as her confusion disappeared, smiling up at him. His heart soared as she turned her head and her lips brushed his palm.

'Hey,' she said softly, rolled onto her back and stretched, wincing as tense muscles complained.

'You okay,' James pulled his hands away and he was sure disappointment flashed across her face. 'You were having a nightmare.'

'I'm good,' she nodded too quickly, pushed herself up the bed and settled against the pillows. James knew she wasn't but he let it slide. She looked at him with a puzzled frown, 'why are you waking me up, EDI usually does it.'

'A mission has come up so I thought I should bring you the brief, and I brought you coffee,' he watched as sleep disappeared and the strength that was her trademark became obvious. 'I already told Joker to set course and let Garrus know to be ready.'

'So,' she smirked at him, 'I give you a bit of power and you take over.'

'Hell no,' he laughed and handed her the coffee. 'I'm not stupid enough to go toe to toe with you on your own ship.'

'Just as well,' she sat up further and leaned forward. 'So, what have we got?'

* * *

James winced as Shepard took the punch on her chin. He was surprised when she didn't retaliate, instead taking the hit and listening while this small, barely clothed, tattooed woman berated her about Cerberus. When Garrus walked forward with a chuckle he realised who she was and where he'd seen her before.

Jack. She was the one who had been glaring at him when they'd collected Shepard. As he listened to her talk about her students he found it hard to believe that this woman, who obviously cared about them, was one of the most powerful human biotics. He'd read her file and the mission reports and expected someone totally different. He heard Shepard laugh and realised that he probably hadn't been wrong, but Jack had a responsibility that she took very seriously. He could relate to that.

'James, this is Jack,' Shepard introduced him and he wasn't surprised when Jack looked him up and down. 'Play nice,' she chuckled and Jack rolled her eyes.

She looked away as someone spoke in her earpiece and he heard her send Cortez back to the Normandy. That meant they had to find another way out. He glanced around the room to find the doors locked. Shepard was talking to someone else, he assumed it was Sanders whom they'd left in the security office. She stopped and looked around the room.

'We need to find a Cerberus terminal to turn off the jamming. Spread out.'

James headed down the centre of the room, pausing at the remains of the Atlas to see if anything was salvageable but there was very little left. He continued on, crossing paths with Garrus as they reached the far wall.

'Got it,' Shepard called out and they both headed towards her.

It wasn't long before they had an exit and as James forced the doors apart he was a little concerned that getting the students out alive might be difficult. Cerberus had already taken several students before they arrived and he doubted they would give up without a fight. He was slightly relieved when Jack suggested they shadow the team from the upper level.

'That's a good idea,' he commented and saw Shepard nod. 'Might keep them safer.'

'Don't worry your pretty little meathead, I can take care of my kids.'

'Jack,' Shepard frowned at her and Jack just sighed. 'Sorry,' she shrugged at James, 'she tends to say what she thinks.'

'That's Jack,' Garrus chuckled as the students came to join them, 'you'll get used to her.'

Cerberus chose that moment to try and convince the students that the Alliance would get them killed. He saw the doubt on their faces, heard their fear in their voices as they questioned it, but before he or Shepard could reassure them Jack jumped on them.  The vehemence with which she showed them her scars, the anger and frustration in her voice surprised him but he knew there was a history there. Her students gaped and shuffled uncomfortably but quickly recovered and reset their omnitools.

James grimaced as he stepped into the corridor and Garrus closed the door behind them. He wasn't sure he wanted to get used to her. He had a very strong feeling that if he got on the wrong side of her he would regret it. It might be better if he avoided her all together. He had no doubt she wouldn't hesitate to let him know what she thought about him and Shepard.

His thoughts pulled quickly back into focus as they stepped through the door into an open area. A wall split it into two halves, one full of Cerberus troops, the other with an Atlas close enough to create problems but too far away to take down. The Cerberus troops just kept coming. Adrenaline cursed through him as he rolled from one cover to the next to avoid a guardian that got too close. A drone appeared behind the trooper, giving James the chance to take him down as a shot whistled past his ear. He glanced around to see another trooper on the ground, a bullet hole in his forehead.

Shepard was tucked into a corner sending out drones and turrets as fast as she was able but suddenly every Cerberus soldier seemed to focus on her. She was quick to take them down with an incineration blast between shots from her rifle but they seemed to appear from nowhere. James inched his way towards her, concentrating on turning the trooper's attention towards him. Until he misjudged his timing. A rocket from the Atlas caught the corner of his cover and sent him reeling backwards into the open. His shields went down almost immediately as a turret pounded him with shots.

'James!'

He heard Shepard shout but his ears were still ringing and his balance was off. He heard an assault rifle and felt someone pull him down behind a wall. He dropped to the ground and looked up into the dark round eyes of Garrus.

'You good?'

'Yeah,' James blinked as his head cleared, 'thanks.'

Garrus nodded and moved to the end of the wall where he proceeded to bring down the shields of those still trying to get to Shepard. James was quick to recover and as Garrus overloaded he sent out one carnage blast after another. He heard Jack order her students to use biotics to create blasts that took down multiple troopers, he understood then just how important these kids were and why Cerberus wanted them. It wasn't going to happen on his watch.

There were still a group of soldiers working their way towards Shepard and he growled as he tossed a handful of grenades in their direction. They didn't leave much behind. He moved forward, took out one turret while Shepard moved up the ramp, and took out a second one. They met at the top and leant against the wall out of the firing line of the Atlas.

'You okay?' James asked as he checked his rifle.

'Yeah, you,' she overloaded the shield generator just in case.

'Fine,' he grinned at her, 'ready for the next round.'

'Let's go,' she moved down the steps, hugging the wall so the Atlas couldn't see her.

James chuckled as he followed. This was where he belonged, on the battlefield, it was a natural environment for him. As he followed Shepard he knew she felt the same. He saw Garrus take up position and line up his sniper rifle and knew they were three of a kind. They worked well together, trusted each other and that made all the difference in the world.

He watched as Shepard sent out drones and turrets to distract the mech before both her and Garrus overloaded its shields. As it staggered back the three of them fired as one: incinerate, carnage and armour piercing rounds. The mech didn't stand a chance. As it exploded James saw Shepard grinning and he knew she'd see the same on him.

'That was fun,' Garrus was chuckling as they met in the corridor that would take them to the next section.

James and Shepard laughed as they collected ammo from a stash left behind. Yep, James thought as he picked up more grenades, three of a kind.


	32. Chapter 32

**** 32 ****

Shepard stopped and as James moved beside her he could see her mind working. She had a grin on her face and James cocked a brow in surprise. They worked their way through the base and had almost reached the shuttle bay, their one pause had been when they'd found David Archer. Shepard had seemed relieved to see him, even Garrus had commented that he looked good. But there was an underlying tension in Shepard and James knew she was reliving the time when he'd taken control of her implants, resulting in Cerberus doing the same. He saw her touch her chest where the necklace sat beneath her armour and he took a step closer. She glanced at him before sucking in a breath and focussing her thoughts.

She sent David and his companions to join Jack andthe others who were just ahead, but Cerberus was slowing their progress and it was frustrating them all. They were now in the last corridor before the open departure room. She motioned with her head and he glanced around her to see a Cerberus engineer, seemingly unaware of their presence as he worked on an empty Atlas mech,  Garrus positioned himself on the other side of the door and shook his head with a sigh. Shepard simply chuckled.

James felt like he was missing something as Garrus took down the engineer's shields and Shepard followed with an incineration blast. She rushed forward with a laugh much to James' surprise. Garrus followed as James brought up the rear. They stood before the mech that was obviously needing repair and James couldn't deny the joy at the thought that it was still usable. He'd always wanted to take control of one of these bad boys.

'Shepard, you should probably let James handle the mech,' Garrus' words drew James' eyes to Shepard. 'We need to take down shields and you can't do that from in there.'

'Something I should know?' James looked from one to the other.

'Shepard has wanted to get in one of these things since she first saw one in a Cerberus manifest,' Garrus leaned in and spoke softly.

'Come on Garrus, how much fun would it be.'

There was a giant grin on her face, she was obviously as pleased as him that the mech was still functional. He resigned himself to not getting this one and stepped aside to let Shepard climb aboard. She glanced from Garrus to the mech and then to James who could see the hesitation in her eyes. With a sigh she stepped back.

'It's all yours, James,' she laughed as he grinned and scrambled aboard. 'But the next one's mine.'

'Whatever you say, Lola,' James brought the mech to life.

'Have fun,' Shepard looked up at him through the broken screen before stepping aside and letting him take the lead.

By the time they'd reached the open area alongside the shuttle bay he was confident that he could do some serious damage. The students were already under attack so he wasted no time, firing a rocket before finishing troops off with the chain gun.

'Yes! Take that you bastards!' James' laugh echoed around him and he heard Shepard chuckling in his earpiece.

'On the left,' Jack yelled and James quickly positioned himself.

As troops dropped from an upper doorway James gave them no chance to find their feet as he blasted them nonstop with rockets and the guns. His laugh sounded maniacal as he moved forward.

'Just sitting ducks.' He sent off another round.

'Sitting ducks? Aren't they some kind of waterbird?' Garrus sounded confused.

'It's a figure of speech,' James moved the mech into the centre of the room, 'remind me to teach you about these things.'

'So this is like that fish in a barrel thing you mentioned on Menae?' The sound of his assault rifle echoed through the com.

'Yeah,' James grunted as a grenade shook the mech.

'On the upper balcony,' Jack yelled.

James saw Shepard and Garrus overload the shield generators, taking several troops out with the shock. He made short work of the others as another load of troops rushed in on the ground floor.

'Where the fuck are these guys coming from?' James turned the mech but its systems were slowing.

'Too many for you, James,' Shepard was grinning, he could hear it.

'Nah, just making sure I leave some for you.'

'Atlas!' Garrus yelled and ran out of its path.

'Bring it on,' James planted himself firmly between the Atlas and the students.

His machine might not have much life left but he wasn't going to let that stop him. He felt the shudder as the first rocket hit followed by the repeating clatter of bullets as they hit the casing. With a scowl creasing his face he fired everything he had. To his left and right Shepard and Garrus were doing the same now that the troops had been disposed of. The newcomer shuddered and sparks flew but it wasn't giving up. The pilot was determined to go down fighting but as a second overload from both sides sent current through the cockpit James saw him jerking uncontrollably. It was the perfect opportunity to fire the last of his rockets. A direct hit left the mech in pieces.

'Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!' James punched the air. 'Now that was fun!'

'Let's go,' Shepard yelled and the students moved towards the shuttles as James slid to the ground. 'Glad you enjoyed yourself.' Shepard was waiting for him with a smile on her face.

'You take me to the best places, Lola,' he grinned at her and she shook her head with a laugh.

'You'll have to return the favour,' she was walking ahead of him but the glance she flicked over her shoulder almost made him stumble.

'Anytime,' he hurried to catch up, trying to ignore the sudden pleasure that cursed through him.

* * *

James couldn't help himself. He fussed over the teenagers in the mess, helping Campbell make sure they had food and drink, checking that they'd received the all clear from Chakwas. For teenagers they had dealt with the Cerberus attack better than some soldiers he knew. He had to place the responsibility for that squarely on Jack's shoulders. She'd trained them well, given them the confidence to defend themselves while still allowing them the freedom to be teenagers. He was impressed.

'Hey kids,' Jack came around the corner and everyone looked up at her. 'How are you guys doing?'

'I'm sore all over,' Prangley groaned.

'I've got a headache,' Rodriguez sighed.

A few others listed minor complaints and Jack chuckled. 'If that's all you've got to complain about think yourselves lucky. You guys did really well today.'

James watched as she spoke to each of them individually. The pride in her eyes was obvious and the tenderness she showed them seemed completely out of place on someone who could kill with her little finger. She was a contrast under painted skin and James changed his mind about not wanting to get to know her. He guessed she'd have some good stories to tell, if she was willing to talk to him at all.

'Okay,' she reached the end of the table and came to stand beside him as she addressed the group. 'Me and meathead have to go and debrief with Shepard. Make sure you replenish your calories, it might be a while before we get settled somewhere once we're dropped off.'

With that she indicated they should leave and James followed her to the elevator. He wasn't sure how to begin a conversation with her and as the doors closed he figured the kids would be a good starting point.

'You've trained those kids really well,' he glanced at her in surprise when she snorted a laugh.

'It's all fucking Shepard's fault.' He looked at her and knew she would see the confusion on his face. 'Her goody two shoes attitude fucking rubbed off on me.' She stared at him for a moment before hitting the stop button and the elevator came to a grounding halt.

'What …' James stepped back, he could feel the cold metal through his shirt as he flattened himself against the wall.

'You fucking do anything to hurt her and I'll kill you,' Jack was in his face and while he wasn't taking her threat lightly he knew it was made because she cared.

'Whoa!' He held up his hands and she stepped back but the heat in her eyes burned through him. 'What makes you think there's something between me and Shepard?'

'I've seen the way she looks at you,' Jack scowled and James grinned. 'You look at her the same way.' She stepped back and cooled down, her voice was soft as she continued, 'just don't hurt her, okay. She deserves better than that.'

'I know,' James nodded and she glared at him.

'You'd better,' the strength was back in her voice, 'just remember what I said, meathead.'

'I have a name you know,' James said as she hit the button to get them moving. 'It's James, or Vega.'

'I know,' she flicked an amused glance at him and James realised that once Jack cared about you she'd protect you, even if it killed her.

The elevator dinged and stopped and James followed Jack through to the conference room, noticing the wide-eyed stare of the crew as they saw the biotic for the first time. Shepard and Traynor were already waiting for them, going over information on a datapad. They both looked up and James almost laughed as Traynor's mouth dropped open, her eyes starting at Jack's feet and ending on her face.

'Get a good look bitch,' Jack stepped towards her but Shepard moved between them.

'Jack,' there was warning in her tone and Jack scowled and moved to the other side of the table.

'I'm sorry,' Traynor seemed mesmerised and Jack's eyes narrowed. 'It's just … I … .' She stopped and took a deep breath. 'That's amazing ink.'

'What would you know about ink?'

'Um, I … ah … have a few tattoos.'

'Really!'

'Seriously!'

James and Shepard spoke as one and they looked at each other in surprise before turning their attention back to Traynor.

'You've been holding out on us, Traynor,' James grinned and colour rushed to the woman's cheeks.

'Well, they're not exactly in places you can see when I'm dressed.'

'Damn,' Jack was suddenly very interested.

'It's the quiet ones you have to watch,' Shepard laughed and Traynor's blush deepened.

'Well you can't be talking about Jack,' Garrus' voice drew their attention to the doorway and James saw Traynor sigh as her shoulders sagged in relief. 'She's definitely not quiet.'

'Fuck you, Vakarian,' Jack scowled at him but there was amusement in her eyes.

'Told you we should have that swear jar handy,' Joker chuckled as he joined them and Jack held up her middle finger at him. 'Nice to see nothing's changed,' he laughed as he took up a position at the end of the table.

'I'm surprised you dragged your sorry ass out of your chair,' Jack threw back.

'Sorry,' Chakwas hurried in with Steve and Liara following, 'I was just completing the medical reports.'

'That's okay,' Shepard waited until they were settled, 'we're still waiting on …'

The door to the war room opened and Kahlee Sanders walked towards them. James could see the tears in her eyes and the fear on her face but she quickly composed herself as she joined them at the table.

'Thank you, Commander,' she looked at Shepard and gave her a sad smile. 'It was nice to see David, to get the chance to talk to him, in case …'

'You're welcome,' Shepard moved beside her and gave her hand a squeeze before looking at those gathered around her. 'Okay, we will be at the Citadel in about three hours,' she looked to Joker who nodded and she continued. 'Traynor has found some spaces on the Citadel for you and your biotic students if that's where you want to go. Check them out and see what's suitable. If you want to get them back to Earth we can probably arrange transport. You should also give some thought to what you want them to do if they're not going home.'

'I'd prefer them to stay in support roles,' Kahlee looked at Jack who thought for a moment.

'They're not pussies, they can handle themselves,' she looked to Shepard, 'what do you think?'

'They handled themselves well, yes, but they're still kids. Do you want to risk their lives on the front lines?'

'I took care of myself at their age,' Jack went on the defensive.

'Your circumstances were different, Jack,' Shepard reminded her and Jack bristled.

'Support roles are just as important,' James spoke up before Jack had a chance. 'With their skills they could protect supply vehicles, help with medivacs, save lives while still playing a part in the war. We need that just as much as we need soldiers at the front.' He could see Jack thinking about it, 'it would keep them safe but still give them something to be proud of.'

'He's right,' Garrus nodded. 'The troops at the front need those at the back or the war is already lost.'

'If you're not sure, give them the choice,' Shepard shrugged and Jack relaxed. 'But make sure you're doing it for them.

'Yeah, okay, I get it,' Jack sighed and Kahlee chuckled. 'I know, be a teacher, not a badass.'

'Look, this doesn't have to be decided here and now.' Shepard pointed out, 'have a look at the space on the Citadel, talk it over between yourselves. I know Hackett would appreciate help with the Crucible too so that's another option for some of them.'

'We'll sort it out Commander,' Kahlee nodded. 'I'm sure you have more important things to worry about.'

'Yeah, like how the fuck did Cerberus know we were still there?' Jack's anger was building again. 'Hackett made it so we were off the grid and the students sent home.'

'That's a good question; Hackett might have to do some housekeeping so I'll let him know.' Shepard looked to Traynor, 'I'm also concerned about the fact they hid their attack behind false rescue messages. That was excellent work picking that up.'

'Thanks,' Traynor's blush was back, 'I couldn't have done it without EDI's help.'

'It was your questioning that caused us to look deeper,' EDI spoke from the ceiling.

'So we have you to thank for the queen of the girl scouts showing up,' Jack cocked a hip and crossed her arms across her chest as her eyes looked Traynor up and down.

James was reminded of Joker's comment about his stance and he flicked a glance at the pilot to find him grinning. Seems Shepard rubbed off on everyone.

'Um, yeah, I guess so,' Traynor sounded unsure but didn't squirm under Jack's scrutiny.

'Thanks,' Jack straightened and actually smiled.

James could see the surprise on Shepard's face and Joker choked back a laugh as Jack glared at him. The corner of Shepard's mouth lifted as she dropped her head to the datapad in her hand.

'This signal is a problem,' she brought their focus back to the table. 'How many other times have they used it, we have several reports of colonies calling for help, do we know if they were actually saved.' She looked to Liara.

'I'm not sure,' Liara and looked at the datapad she was holding. 'I can find out. I can also send details on this signal to the Alliance and allies, so they know what to look for.'

'Do it,' Shepard nodded, 'we need to stop Cerberus, they've been a pain in my ass long enough.'

'You know they still have a collection order out on you,' Liara reminded her.

'How could I forget, but I refuse to let them control my actions. We have a war to fight, I'm not second guessing myself because they think they own me!' James felt Shepard's anger wash over him. He knew exactly how she felt because the thought of Cerberus getting their hands on her made him furious and scared the crap out of him. 'We'll deal with Cerberus every chance we get.'

Liara seemed startled by Shepard's vehemence and James had a niggling feeling there was something between them that he wasn't privy to. He looked at Joker who was studying his fingers intently and Garrus who was staring at a mark on the table. There was a definite tension in the room.

'I've checked over the students,' Dr Chakwas spoke up bursting the bubble that held them all. 'There are no major issues, a few headaches, probably from overusing their biotics. With a little rest and replenishment they should be fine.'

'Thank you Dr,' Kahlee nodded at her. 'Commander if you don't need me I would like to check on the students.'

Shepard nodded and watched as Jack followed her out. 'When we arrive at the Citadel we have supplies coming aboard, Adams has requisitioned material to finish fixing the holes in the ship. Steve, can you work with Campbell to get food supplies, order more than we need, we don't know when we'll be back.'

'Yes, ma'am, there are some parts I'd like to have on hand for the shuttle if that's okay.'

'Of course, you know what we need.' She turned to Chakwas, 'Make sure we have meds, you know the drill. James, restock all our weapons and armour requirements, pick up mods if you think they're a good price.'

'I have an issue that might be a problem,' Joker spoke up and all eyes turned towards him. 'Fuel. With the Reapers destroying fuel depots we might find it difficult to find as this gets worse. We can refuel at the Citadel but if we don't come back often enough … '

'EDI,' Shepard glanced at the ceiling, 'we keep track of fuel depots, right.'

'Yes we do,' she sounded confident. 'I can update the Galaxy Map to indicate systems where the fuel depots are destroyed to assist with navigation.'

'I can help with that,' Traynor added.

'Can we salvage fuel from the wreckage?' James asked.

'I believe we can.' EDI confirmed, 'I suggest we have an adequate supply of suits on board for EVAs.'

'I'll see to that,' Steve added it to his list on his datapad.

'Work with Adams and the engineers to find out if we need anything else.' Shepard looked at her datapad and James could almost see the weight on her shoulders pushing her down. 'Okay,' she let out a sigh, 'once we're finished on the Citadel we'll be heading to this summit that the politicians have arranged. We'll be holding it here, neutral ground and all that,' she waved her hand absently in the air, 'Garrus and James, you're responsible for security when the dignitaries come on board. Let's try and avoid any incidents.'

'Salarians, turians and krogan in the same room,' Garrus chuckled, 'we can try.'

'Is there anything else we need to deal with right now?' Shepard looked at the faces around her.

'I have something,' Liara spoke tentatively, as if she was expecting Shepard to lash out at her. 'James gave me a list of family members of the crew. I have found some information, not all of it good news. Would you like me to pass it on or would you like to review it first?'

Shepard looked at James, the warmth in her eyes making him want to preen, 'pass on good news,' she looked back at Liara, 'anything else send it through James or Dr Chakwas.' They both nodded and when nothing else was raised Shepard continued. 'Traynor and James, it was good work on the Grissom mission. You both behaved admirably, thank you.'

James felt even more like flexing as Traynor smiled and blushed. There was pride in Shepard's voice and it felt good that it was aimed at them.

'Okay, if that's all, dismissed.'

James waited until everyone had left. Shepard sagged onto the table, a deep sigh showing just how tired she was. James moved to stand beside her. He wanted to pull her into his chest, to hold her up, be her strength, but he wasn't sure how it would be received.

'You okay?' He dropped his head so he could see her eyes.

'Yeah,' she turned and sat on the table, looking at the floor. James positioned himself between her and the windows and she lifted her head. Her eyes met his and stayed there. 'Things are starting to build, it's only going to get worse from here on in. I just hope I'm strong enough.'

'You're Commander Shepard, of course you are,' James grinned at her and she rolled her eyes. 'And when you're not I will be here to give you the strength you need and so will everyone else.'

'I might just need that before this is over.' She reached out and rubbed his arm as her eyes dropped. Her fingers sent shivers through him and goose bumps formed. 'Sometimes I just wish it would all stop for a while.'

'Geez, Lola, you've just had a six month vacation.'

'Is that what that was.'

'Any chance we can get dinner while we're on the Citadel,' James asked to take his mind of the feelings she was arousing and to give her something else to think about.

'Probably not this visit.' He was happy to hear disappointment in her words. 'But next time,' she smiled at him heat pooled in places it shouldn't.

'I'm gonna hold you to that,' he promised and she nodded.

'I'd better go check on Jack.'

She slid off the table coming to rest against him and he instinctively put his arms around her to steady her. Her hands ended up on his biceps and she raised her face to his. Her eyes searched his and she must have been pleased with what she found because she relaxed and allowed him to support her. For James it was a positive sign but he wasn't going to push.

'She's something isn't she?'

'Should I be worried?' She smirked at him and James laughed.

'Not a chance in hell, Lola,' His voice was husky as he met her eyes, 'my hearts already spoken for.'

'I'll make sure she knows that,' she straightened and James stepped back.

'Ah, I think she already knows,' he rubbed the back of his neck as they walked towards the CIC.

'She threatened you didn't she,' Shepard laughed and glanced across at him. 'You should be scared James, she carries through on her threats most of the time.'

'Thanks,' he grimaced as they passed through the security grid. 'I'll remember that.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else wonder where Jack and the students went, one minute they're there and the next they're not. It bugged me so I fixed it. And I know this chapter is mainly housekeeping but sometimes you just have to have it. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone reading, I really do appreciate your time and I hope you continue to enjoy.


	33. Chapter 33

**** 33 ****

The Citadel was more crowded than he remembered. A nervous energy permeated everything, it crawled up the back of his neck making him more alert. While it wasn't uncomfortable it made James very aware that things had changed since their last visit. Overheard snippets of conversation reassured him that at least some people were taking the threat of the Reapers seriously. It was about damn time.

He wandered from store to store, picking up weapon and armour mods but he knew he was really just trying to keep his mind of other things. Mainly the fact that Shepard was seeing Alenko and there was the possibility that they might work things out. He refused to admit to being nervous, afraid that she might return to the Normandy with a smile that wasn't meant for him. It was eating at him and before he knew it he was standing outside Purgatory.

The place was noisy, the lights dim and the people inside were trying to hide from the world. They danced upstairs as if nothing was different but the undercurrent reeked of fear. They drank downstairs like there was no tomorrow and there might very well not be. He parked himself at the lower bar and ordered a drink. His shoulders hunched as he leaned on his elbows and stared into the brown liquid, searching for insight into where he stood with Shepard. They were at least friends and if that was all they were he would have to deal with it. His dreams of more would be just that: dreams. Movement to his left caught his attention and he turned sideways to the bar as a group of young marines got a little loud and excited. Not long ago that would have been him, eager and ready to take on the world. _I'm getting old._

'Hey, are you on the Normandy?' One of them stepped forward, looking for signs of rank but found none. 'I saw her dock earlier and there's not many around here with a uniform like yours.'

'Yeah,' James grinned, his t-shirts might not be completely regulation but it allowed him to mingle with others without the trappings of being an officer.

'What's it like?' Another one stepped towards him, encouraged by the first. 'What's Commander Shepard like?'

James sucked in a breath. _Beautiful, smart, sexy with a brilliant smile, a wicked sense of humour and a caring heart._ 'She's an amazing soldier and a great commander. But she's just a soldier,' he blinked; _damn she really is rubbing off on me_. 'She just has a little more experience than the rest of us.'

'Yeah, right,' they both scoffed.

'So, where are you posted?' James glanced at the rest of the group behind them, they had the enthusiasm and innocence of new recruits and he knew they would have to grow up quick.

'We're waiting for the Benjamin Davis,' the first one replied, 'she's due to dock in three days.'

'Good luck out there,' James saluted with his glass and they nodded and returned to their table.

James downed the rest of his drink and turned to leave but stopped dead.  Shepard walked up the steps of the club and his breath caught in his throat at the thought that she'd come to take him up on his offer of a drink. She stopped at the top of the stairs and looked towards him, their eyes met and a smile broke out on her face. James couldn't stop the euphoria that made him shiver pleasantly as his smile matched hers. She indicated he should wait then turned and walked to where an asari sat. James' eyes widened. Aria T'loak. Something must have happened for the queen of Omega to be on the Citadel. That would be an interesting story to hear and the fact that Shepard was meeting with her even more so. He wasn't aware the two knew each other.

He watched the two women, _were asari really women_ , and realised that as much as Aria thought she had power Shepard was the one that stood out. There was a confidence about her, an aura that surrounded her and encompassed all who came close. Aria paled in comparison. James was a little surprised, he'd seen Aria on Omega and always considered her someone not to be trifled with. That was probably still true but alongside Shepard she seemed smaller, less intimidating. It could also have something to do with the fact that she was on the Citadel where she had no power. James shook his head at the thought, it was probably his feelings for Shepard that made her seem larger than life.

He pulled himself up as Shepard walked towards him and joined him at the bar. 'So, let me guess. The queen of Omega has been dethroned and wants the great Commander Shepard to help her get it back.'

'Something like that,' Shepard nodded with a laugh. 'Actually she offered me some mercenary help.'

'And the catch is …?'

'I have to work out some issues first.' She sighed and slouched on the bar, burying her fingers in her hair as her head dropped. 'You know, it would be really nice if someone just came up and offered help without wanting something in return.'

James snorted a laugh, 'really, Lola.' He waved his hand around the bar and Shepard's eyes followed. 'These people might not be human but they still understand the whole you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours principle. Especially those in power who need to have some sort of hold over those they consider beneath them.'

'That's very observant,' she lifted her head and looked at him.

'I might not be good at politics or dealing with politicians but I've had my fair share of dealing with people who think they have power.' He grinned and flexed his shoulders, 'there's more to this body than just meat.'

'So I'm discovering,' she leaned in and brushed her shoulder against his, 'but I definitely like the packaging.'

'One day I might let you unwrap it,' he dropped his voice and her eyes darkened as they dropped to his chest.

'I like presents,' she met his eyes, 'but I usually screw up the wrapping and throw it away.'

'Ouch!' She laughed at his mock pain and he couldn't help but laugh with her. 'Can I buy you a drink, Lola?'

'Yes you can, Jimmy.'

She grinned at his scowl but the very fact that she was relaxed around him soon had him smiling. For a moment he forgot about Alenko and the war. He was content just to be standing beside her: it was enough for now.

* * *

The new mods were piled up on his table to be sorted when the ship shuddered under his feet. The Normandy was smooth and quiet. The only hint that the drive core was activating was a gentle hum and a warmth that emanated from the hull. A shudder meant that Shepard was back on board and they were leaving.

They'd spent less than an hour together, but he appreciated every moment. He couldn't help but smile at the image of her rolling her eyes before finishing the salute he started. The young marines were suitably overawed that she'd wanted to buy them a drink, two in fact. She was the kind of officer he wanted to be, not afraid to mingle with the grunts. James had been like those marines once, in awe of her and amazed at what she could do.

He still respected her, and, if he was honest, worshipped her, but now it was for completely different reasons. Now he knew the woman underneath and she was worth every bit of the worship he was happy to give. Alenko still concerned him, there had been no time to find out if he had anything to fear.

He heard the elevator open and looked up to see Garrus walking towards him. He was a little disappointed, he'd hoped Shepard would come down to see what he'd bought. He lined the mods up on the bench as Garrus stopped beside him.

'Nice collection,' the turian picked up a piercing mod for his sniper rifle, 'this should give me a little more … what is it you humans say,' he paused in thought, 'oomph?'

'Yeah,' James chuckled, 'not that you need it.'

'Of course not,' Garrus agreed, 'but it doesn't hurt.'

James grabbed his shotgun and began to pull it apart, 'I didn't know Shepard knew Aria T'Loak.'

'I wouldn't say she knew her,' Garrus picked up a cleaning rag and his assault rifle. 'Shepard spent some time on Omega while she was chasing the Collectors. Aria expected her to bow down.'

'Bet that didn't work,' James noticed that Garrus hadn't referred to Shepard being with Cerberus.

'Not very well, although Shepard did do one or two small jobs for Aria to get information.'

'And she rescued you.'

'Don't remind me,' Garrus' mandibles dropped and James knew it was the turian equivalent of a scowl. He was getting better at reading alien body language. 'She's saved me more times than I care to think about.'

'She seems to do that for everybody, even Alenko after he questioned her on Mars.'

'Ah,' Garrus stopped what he was doing and turned to face James.

'What?' James cocked his head, his brow puckered and his eyes narrowed.

'You're worried about her feelings for him.'

'Nah, not really,' he focused on his shotgun but after a few seconds of Garrus' eyes boring into him he put it down and looked at him. 'Okay, maybe I am.'

Garrus sighed and thought for a moment. 'On the SR-1 Alenko was the one she turned to for support. He had her back on the ground and they shared the loss of comrades together. I think that drew them to each other, I don't think it was a deep emotional connection, true love as you humans say.'

'Joker said something about him being there when she needed him but not being what she needed.' James leant on the bench, all thought of working on his weapons long gone.

Garrus turned his back to the bench and crossed his arms on his chest as his head tilted, 'that's a fair assessment, although there were times when I thought it might develop into something more.' He stared out across the bay and blew out a breath. 'After she died and we saw him on Horizon … well, let's just say it didn't end well.' He straightened up and looked James in the eye, 'will they get back together? I doubt it, but stranger things have happened.'

James dropped his gaze to the bench but looked up as a talon came to rest on his shoulder.

'I do know that she never looked at Alenko the way she looks at you.'

'Thanks man,' James couldn't stop the grin from escaping.

'Relay approach has begun, all stations prepare for transit.'

Both men looked up at Joker's announcement as the ship held its breath. There was a split second where time stood still, sound disappeared as the ship stretched and reshaped itself. Then normality returned, sound and movement rushed back in as the ship let out a breath, and so did Garrus and James. Relay travel was nothing extraordinary, hundreds of ships passed through relays daily and thought nothing of it. But it was always a risk. A slight miscalculation of the numbers, a sudden unexpected movement could be catastrophic.

'Transit complete, board is green. ETA to destination approximately two hours. You can all relax people,' the grin was obvious in Joker's voice.

'Cocky bastard,' James chuckled.

'Yes, but he has a right to be,' Garrus inhaled and stretched. 'Guess we'd better prepare for visitors.

'Hope Shepard is ready for this.'

'Oh, she'll be ready, just check her for weapons before she enters the room.'

'Funny, that's exactly what she said too.' James laughed as Garrus chuckled and walked away.

* * *

The collar of his dress blues was choking him. He shuffled nervously, this wasn't the first time he'd met dignitaries but it was the first time he'd done it in the capacity of acting XO. The normally noisy hangar deck was unusually deserted, even Cortez had disappeared.  Vulnerable. That was exactly what he felt and it didn't sit well.  Garrus and Joker had made sure to warn him about not saying the wrong thing to the krogan representative, apparently he was quick to anger and would shoot you for the slightest thing. His gut told him they were playing him. This wasn't the first krogan he'd met. Memories of Fehl Prime raised their ugly head. He'd fought with a krogan and even though he only knew Brood for a short time he came to respect the warrior. He was another loss on a mission that went wrong from the start.

'Prepare for incoming shuttle,' Joker announced.

James rolled his shoulders and stood to attention as the shuttle settled on the deck. He flexed his fingers and sucked in a breath as the hatch opened. The krogan that stepped out was huge and James swallowed hard. There was no way in hell he could take that down if he decided he didn't like something James said. He was easily the largest krogan James had ever seen, the size of his hump indicating his age and survival prowess, and from the scars on his face he'd seen his fair share of fighting.

The krogan looked around the bay, he appeared relaxed and even smiled before turning to where James stood. The deck trembled as the plates absorbed the weight of what had to be at least 300 kilos, probably more. As the krogan came to a halt before him James had to crane his neck to look up at him.

'Welcome to the Normandy, I'm …. '

'Where's Shepard?' The krogan's voice boomed around the bay.

'Commander Shepard is unavailable right now, she will meet you in the conference room.' James' throat was dry but he was afraid to clear it in case the krogan took it as an insult. 'I'm Lieutenant James Vega, acting XO. If you follow me I can show you the way.'

'You let Shepard know I'm here, she'll see me.'

'Like I said, she's unavailable right now.' James straightened his shoulders and met the krogan's eyes.

The krogan stared at him and James fought not to squirm, 'do you really think you could stop me if I went looking for her?'

James frowned as the krogan leaned towards him, not threatening but making his presence felt. 'Probably not, but I'd give it a damn good try.' He managed to avoid leaning backwards as the krogan pushed further forward until their noses were almost touching.

The krogan's glare raked over him with unnerving thoroughness as James planted both feet firmly on the deck. Then the krogan did the strangest thing. Deep rumbling laughter echoed around the bay, making the deck quiver.

'You've got a quad.'

'Damn it, Wrex,' Joker's sigh could be heard through the speakers. 'You were supposed to scare the shit out of him.'

'Don't think this one would scare too easily,' Wrex glanced at the ceiling, 'besides, Shepard would kill me if I damaged her crew.'

'Yes, she would.'

James turned at the sound of Shepard's voice and he fought for air. She was stunning in her dress blues and his heart raced as she walked towards them.

'Shepard!'

Wrex rushed forward, enveloped her in a bear hug that made her gasp for breath and lifted her off her feet. The tenderness with which he put her down was surprising and James gaped at the display of affection.

'Wrex.' She was laughing as her feet touched the deck. 'Glad you could make it.'

'Had to come, I couldn't trust any of those other pyjacks to do the job.'

'Thank you for not damaging my officer,' she moved closer to James. 'Wrex, meet James.'

She looked at James who was still staring at them both in disbelief but he quickly cleared his throat and held out his hand to Wrex.

'Pleased to meet you.' James was surprised when Wrex took his hand and held it.

Wrex looked from James to Shepard, sniffed the air and his eyes narrowed. Shepard sighed deeply, dropped her eyes to the deck and shook her head. James didn't flinch as Wrex tightened his grip on his hand, the pain was bearable and he knew Wrex would see him as weak if he tried to pull away. He met Wrex's glare even though he had to look up and was surprised when the krogan nodded.

'He'll do,' he released James' hand and looked at Shepard, 'for now. He's better than the last one.'

'Nice to know you approve,' Shepard grimaced and Wrex laughed.

'Well you turned down the krogan mating offers and at least this one has some meat on his bones.'

'Mating offers?' James looked at Shepard with raised eyebrows.

'Yeah, seems killing a thresher maw on foot will do that for you,' she huffed a laugh and James' eyebrows went even higher.

'Shepard here is only the second one to take down a maw during a rite of passage, that makes her excellent breeding material.'

'Seriously?' James looked from Shepard to Wrex, not convinced they weren't pulling his leg.

'Yeah,' she nodded with a grin. 'It was fun.'

'See, this is why we get along so well,' Wrex laughed, 'you're half krogan.' He looked at James, 'hope you are too just to keep up with her.'

'James, will you please escort Wrex to the conference room,' she waved them towards the elevator. 'I have a couple of things to do so I'll meet you there.'

The elevator felt much smaller with Wrex in it. So this was the famed krogan battlemaster who had fought alongside Shepard on the SR-1. He knew Wrex's reputation but he never expected the softer side, the caring side. He'd never thought of krogans that way. It surprised him but at the same time pleased him. He was beginning to see that everyone Shepard worked with genuinely cared for their team mates. They truly were a family that would defend each other to the death and if there was a patriarch it would have to be Wrex.

'So,' James flicked a glance at Wrex, 'I guess you were the other one who took down a thresher maw.'

'Yeah,' Wrex looked at him and James nodded.

'Now that's something I'd like to have a go at.'

Wrex stared at him for a moment before laughing and slapping James on the shoulder. It took everything he had not to stumble forward.

'I think I like you,' Wrex chuckled as the doors opened.

James was grinning as they walked through the CIC. He guessed Wrex had just given him the all clear. Now all he had to do was convince Shepard he was worth the risk.


	34. Chapter 34

**** 34 ****

'James,' Shepard stopped abruptly as she came through the door from the CIC.

'Commander,' James nodded and her eyes narrowed.

'What are you doing here? I thought Westmoreland was on duty.'

'She was but I'm following your orders, ma'am.'

'My orders?' She stepped towards him with a furrowed brow.

'You asked me to make sure you aren't carrying a weapon when you meet with the dignitaries.'

'I wasn't … . '

'Those were your words, Shepard.' James gave her a tight-lipped smile, raised his eyebrows and she shook her head.

'So, do you want to frisk me?' She smiled and held her arms out wide.

James gulped down the lump in his throat as his hands twitched, running them over her curvaceous form played like a movie in his head. Her soft, smooth skin silky under his fingertips, the electricity between them creating sparks as his fingers hovered over the curve of her backside and cupped her breasts. His body tingled. Colour burned his face and he focused on the scanner, struggling to bring his wayward thoughts under control.

'No, just a scan will do.'

'Okay, let's do this,' she lowered her head but James caught the smile she was trying to hide. She stepped into the scanner and it reacted, signalling the presence of a weapon. 'What the hell?' Shepard looked at the machine in disgust.

'Commander, I'll have to ask you to step back. James brought up his omnitool, 'I will have to do a manual scan.'

'This is ridiculous,' Shepard threw her arms in the air. 'Do you really think I would shoot these people?'

'Just taking precautions, ma'am,' James kept his eyes on his omnitool as he ran it up and down her body. It beeped and indicated the presence of a weapon.

'Seriously!  I'm not carrying anything. I think we need to have the equipment checked.'

'Sorry, Commander, but I need you to remove your jacket.' James' eyes were pleading and his discomfort must have been obvious because she scowled at him before relenting. 'Ah …, I don't think that's quite regulation Shepard.'

James looked at the bright green tank top that sat low on her cleavage, his eyes following the pale skin down into the hollow where her breasts met. His heart raced and his throat was suddenly very dry.

'Well no-one was supposed to see it, were they?' Exasperation turned to amusement as she spoke, 'but I'm gathering you like what you see,' she grinned as his gaze hurriedly moved to her face.

'What's not to like,' his eyes dropped before looking up at her from under his lashes as he ran his omnitool over her again only to have it beep and indicate a weapon.

'Oh for fuck's sake!' Shepard cursed and paced the small area. 'I'm not carrying a weapon.'

'I'm sorry, Shepard but everything says you are,' James shifted from foot to foot, his hands working on his omnitool. 'I will have to get Westmoreland in here to verify that you're not.'

'You can do it yourself,' she smirked at him and he cleared his throat before closing down his tool and pulling himself erect

'I don't think that would be appropriate, you are my CO.'

'You've seen me naked James.'

'Ah …., ' words wouldn't come. James licked his lips but there was very little moisture on his tongue. The door behind him opened and he blew out a breath.

'Where is Shep …. ' Garrus hurried in from the conference room but stopped at the sight of Shepard in a state of undress. 'Um. Should I leave,' his mandibles flared in amusement as Shepard scowled at him. 'If not when did the Alliance change the uniform colour?' He looked her up and down and glanced at James who shrugged.

'Colours make me happy okay,' she shook her head at him. 'Maybe you can make some sense out of this,' she moaned and waved her hand at James. 'James seems to think I'm carrying a weapon.'

'Are you?' Garrus' round eyes became almonds as he looked at her, 'I would be a little concerned if you threaten the Primarch.'

'NO!' She cursed them both under her breath before asking, 'EDI, is the scanner malfunctioning?'

'It appears to be functioning correctly,' the calm voice from the ceiling only incensed Shepard further.

'I am not carrying a weapon. As the Commander of this ship that should be good enough.'

'Under normal circumstances it would be,' Garrus spoke before James could open his mouth. 'But we have dignitaries on board and you did ask the Lieutenant to check you for weapons.'

'It was a joke,' she planted her feet, gripped her hips and glared at them both. She suddenly focused her gaze on James, 'Lieutenant, you are going to frisk me now?' She held her arms forward towards James, succeeding in making her breasts more obvious, and waited, knowing James had to follow her order.

'Get to it Lieutenant,' Garrus nodded, 'we need to be sure.'

James' eyes widened as they glued themselves to Shepard's chest and he stumbled over his words, 'I…, ah … that wasn't …..'

'Good one, Vega,' Joker's frustrated groan was clear for all to hear as Garrus and James glared at the ceiling.

'So, care to fill me in?' Shepard cocked a hip and folded her arms across her chest as her eyes drilled into them both.

'Where is Shep …' Wrex barged through the door from the conference room. 'Shepard, what's going on and why are you dressed like that?' He glanced from Garrus to James, 'is there something I should know?' He looked back to Shepard, 'are you carrying a weapon?'

'Wrex.' Shepard levelled a glowering look at him and his eyes narrowed. 'You're in on this too?'

'In on what,' he feigned innocence but Shepard just shook her head.

'I'm assuming there was a bet.' Her eyes flicked to the ceiling.

'No, not this time.' Joker sighed through the com.

'So why the charade?'

'Because EDI told us your biometric readings indicated severe stress and we thought you needed to lighten up.' Garrus informed her and James nodded. 'We thought if anyone could do it, Vega could and he said something about needing payback.'

'Yeah … What?' James gaped at him, 'you said _we_ just needed to make her laugh.'

Garrus leant against the wall, 'we knew you stood the best chance.'

'Why me?' James eyes were glancing from Garrus to Wrex.

'Because she likes you,' Wrex rolled his eyes as if he was talking to a child. 'Seeing as how we've succeeded can we get on with this, there's a war on in case you hadn't noticed.' He turned and walked back into the conference room.

James and Garrus turned their gaze to Shepard who was covering her mouth and trying not to laugh aloud. James scowled at her, Garrus simply chuckled, shrugged and returned to the conference room.

'Sorry, Shepard,' James helped her with her jacket, trying not to look at the pale, rounded curve of her breasts over her shoulder. 'They convinced me you needed to relax before this meeting, I wasn't too sure, I mean, dignitaries and all.'

'Don't be sorry,' she grinned as she turned towards him, doing up her jacket, 'I do feel more relaxed.'

'See,' Joker interrupted above their heads, 'it was a good idea.'

'Says the man who didn't get played.' James scowled and Shepard patted his arm.

'Consider it a compliment, they don't let just anyone do things like this.'

'I apologise, Shepard,' EDI sounded contrite, 'when I suggested you needed to relax this was not what I had in mind, although it was amusing.'

'Yeah, yeah, I guess I deserved it,' she looked at James who gave her a sheepish grin. She stepped through the scanner and glared at it, daring it to beep, 'make sure we're ready to go when this meeting is over.'

'Yes, ma'am,' James nodded and she groaned at him before entering the conference room.

* * *

'Hmm, excellent specimen,' Mordin looked James up and down. 'Perfect match for Shepard, although would recommend caution, weight may be problematic during sexual encounters. Shepard slight of build, would not like to see bones broken. Can assist with safe positions if necessary.'

Shepard and Garrus guffawed as James gaped at the salarian he'd just met. 'We're not … I'm not ….'

'You should have been there when he announced the same thing to me and Shepard in the mess on the Normandy.' Garrus placed a sympathetic hand on James' shoulder, 'now that was embarrassing.'

'I thought it was funny,' Shepard shrugged, still chuckling as she looked at James.

'Yes, wrong then,' Mordin glanced at Shepard, 'not wrong this time though,' his lips lifted slightly and Garrus burst into laughter again as she struggled to speak.

'I think I'm beginning to see why Wrex likes his salarian livers raw,' James muttered.

'Ah yes,' Mordin nodded seriously, 'taste better with a little salt.'

All three of them were gaping now and Mordin looked at them for a moment before breaking into a smile, 'ah, missed this, salarians take life too seriously.'

'Mordin,' Shepard laughed and James was pleased to see some of the tension she'd been carrying drop away. 'I'm guessing you were Wrex's inside source.' He nodded as she continued. 'Where are the female krogans?'

Following the others through the complex James managed to recover from the shock of meeting Mordin. He'd read about the salarian but never expected him to be so blunt. While he found the conversation amusing he was starting to think everyone could see that he had feelings for Shepard. He really didn't think he was that obvious, maybe he needed to try harder.

Eventually they stood before a pod where a female krogan asked why they wanted to save her. He'd always pictured krogans as a strong, indomitable race, but the sadness and defeat in her voice made him realise that they had feelings and emotions just like humans. Was this how Shepard saw everyone, not as human, krogan, turian or anything else but simply as people who needed her help. It would explain a lot about her, why she had no hesitation in stepping up and taking the weight of the universe on her shoulders. His respect for her deepened even further and he knew there was no turning back for him, there hadn't been for some time.

There was one other thing James was learning about Shepard's missions. They never went to plan. This one started with Wrex and his krogan air drop and it apparently was going to end with a fight to get out. Alarms sounded around them and Mordin moved quickly into action. Before he knew it James was once again watching Shepard's back and taking down Cerberus. Life was never boring around Shepard and he loved it. Even as the atlas bore down on them, chasing them from cover to cover he found himself grinning as Shepard yelled at Wrex through the com. He glanced over at Garrus who was smiling and James knew he was home.

* * *

'Sorry doc,' James reported for his post mission medical but hesitated in the doorway of medbay, 'I'll come back when you're not busy.'

'It's fine, Lieutenant,' Chakwas lifted her head from the datapad her and Mordin were reading, 'I'll only be a moment if you wait over there.' She indicated the bed next to the female krogan.

James perched against the edge of the bed, a little intimidated by the female next to him. She was almost as big as Wrex and he had no doubt she was just as strong, and yet there was a vulnerability about her that called to him. It was only when she turned her eyes towards him that James realised he'd been staring.

'Are you okay?' James asked, partly because he wanted to know and partly to cover his embarrassment.

'I'm fine,' she nodded and the softness of her voice seemed at odds with the size of her. 'Thank you for saving me.'

'Happy to do it,' James crossed his ankles and arms as he leant further against the bed. 'I hate to think what Cerberus would have done if they'd got their hands on you.'

'I imagine it would not have been pleasant,' a laugh escaped and James found himself smiling. 'I doubt they had a krogan and turian treaty in mind.'

'Probably not, but that's not the only reason we came for you.'

'I know,' she sighed and glanced across at Mordin before continuing, 'without me, curing the genophage would be difficult.'

'Does it bother you,' he couldn't hide the concern in his voice as she lowered her head, 'the idea that you're only needed because of that?'

'No,' she looked at him with a sharp shake of her head, 'I am happy to play my part. My people have suffered for far too long.'

'Yeah, the krogan certainly deserve a break,' James nodded. 'I really hope it works.'

'Thank you, lieutenant,' she bowed her head, her calm and peaceful manner giving James hope for the krogan's future.

'Call me James,' he grinned at her and straightened up as Chakwas approached.

'Mordin has named me Eve, a human name that he believed was fitting.'

'Alright, lieutenant,' Chakwas lifted her medical scanner, 'anything I should know.'

'No, doc, just the usual cuts and bruises.'

'One of these days you might not be so lucky and I might get to use my scalpel,' Chakwas sighed as the scanner completed it sweep.

'It is to be hoped that when that day comes you have no regrets,' Eve said softly and James wondered if she was referring to him or herself.

'You're clear to go,' Chakwas informed him.

'Thanks, doc,' he grinned and headed for the door.

He wandered into the mess, grabbed a couple of energy bars and made his way to the starboard observation lounge. The stars outside were stunning, their beauty astounded him and he regretted not spending more time looking at them. Now that he was out here they'd lost some of their shine to reality, knowing that there were alien worlds out there somehow diminished the mystery. Still, gazing at the stars had always relaxed him, gave him a sense of peace. It was something he'd done with his uncle when he was a kid and he'd always been intrigued by the sheer magnitude of the universe. Eve's words haunted him as he realised how many opportunities he'd missed to thank his uncle for the time he'd given to make sure James had a future, and now he might not get the chance. Regrets, yeah he had a few.

'Vega, didn't realise you were in here.'

James turned to see Joker with a coffee in hand paused in the doorway. 'Do you want the room?'

'Nah, I'm happy to share if you are,' he walked forward and settled himself on a lounge close to the window. He stared at James for a moment, 'something on your mind?'

'Maybe,' James moved to sit beside him. 'Eve said something and it's got me thinking.'

'About what?'

'Regret.' James glanced at Joker as he shifted beside him and was surprised to see his shoulders slump and his gaze fall to the floor. 'Sorry, Joker, didn't meant to upset you.'

'I guess I know a thing or two about regret,' Joker's normally strong voice came out as a whisper and James almost had to strain to hear him.

'Fuck,' James sat forward and ran his hand through his hair, 'I'm sorry, forget I mentioned it.'

'I killed her you know.' Joker sat forward, hunched over and placed his elbows on his knees. He spun the coffee cup in his hands, his fingers opening and closing around it as his eyes closed.

'Not what I hear,' James had some idea of the unrelenting guilt Joker must feel. His guilt ate at him, after Fehl Prime, still did. It was something he would never forget or forgive himself for. 'I hear you saved lives.'

'All except one,' Joker scoffed.

'You know it couldn't have happened any other way.'

'I thought it might at the time,' he sat back with a loud exhale.

'You were planning to go down with the ship,' James' eyes widened at the realisation as he sat back and looked at Joker.

'Why not, it would have been easier. I wouldn't have made it to an escape pod in time, can't move all that fast you know.' Joker sipped his coffee and avoided looking at James.

'Bullshit!' James angled his body as he slid to the edge of the lounge and Joker looked up in surprise. 'You had no intention of even trying.'

'I just wanted to give Shepard time to escape, she was supposed to escape. I didn't matter, she did. I thought she'd just go, follow Kaidan.'

'There was no way in hell she would leave you behind, I wouldn't have left you behind.' His hands waved in the air as he emphasised his point. 'How many times have you taken risks so someone wasn't left behind?'

'I know,' Joker dropped his head back against the lounge, 'damn you marines and your code of not leaving anyone behind. Why do you think it eats at me? I should have known better but I just wanted her safe. Instead she ended up dead.' He lifted his head and met James' eyes, 'so yeah, I understand regrets.'

'She doesn't blame you,' James settled back beside him. 'I wouldn't have blamed you either. You were doing your job, you allowed the crew to escape. Besides, it's the captain's job to go down with the ship, not yours.'

'Damn Vega, you could at least let me have a moment of glory,' Joker's lips lifted in the ghost of a smile.

'You have plenty of those, without dying,' James nudged him gently with his shoulder and stood up. 'I'd better go and finish my mission report.' He was almost at the door when Joker called to him.

'Hey Vega, tell her how you feel, before it's too late.' Sadness tinged his voice as he stared out the window.

James was going to argue, tell him that he was imagining things but he couldn't bring himself to lie to Joker. He respected him too much. Instead, he simply nodded and left. Maybe Joker was right, he could regret never telling her, the question was how and when. Was she ready to hear it or would it drive her away. Was he willing to take the risk? He focused his thoughts on the report he had to write, trying to get his mind off the emotional turmoil caused by just thinking of Shepard. He had time to think about it, at least he hoped he did.


	35. Chapter 35

**** 35 ****

'Shepard!'

James ducked down behind a desk as Cerberus troops advanced on his position, waiting for a response that never came. He'd seen her go down but from his position it was difficult to tell if it was deliberate or if she was hurt. He was so intent on getting to Shepard he misjudged the battlefield and now he had a wall of Cerberus troops between them. What the fuck was she thinking, she knew better than to run ahead, to leave her team behind. He popped up to look but shots peppered the desk so he quickly dropped back into hiding. His heart climbed into his throat, it's deep, rapid thumping echoed in his ears. Adrenaline cursed through him, its flow a burning lava stream as he fought the urge to stand up and run forward.

Then another sound filtered through. That was a sentry turret firing. He heard screams as a carnage blast echoed against the walls outside. She was alive at least.

'Garrus, can you see Shepard?'

'Just,' there was a pause and the thud of a rifle recoil, 'she's pinned and surrounded.'

'Fuck!' James slid to the end of the desk and peered around the corner. 'I can't get to her.'

It took a moment for Garrus to respond and James guessed he was changing position, 'On three you'd better have grenades ready.'

'Roger that,' James' hand was in his pocket as he spoke.

'Three.'

James tossed the grenades and ducked. Four of the Cerberus troops stood up to run, three went down in quick succession with clean shots through their visors. The fourth panicked and ran directly at James who put several rounds into his chest. The building shuddered as the grenades exploded, two more Cerberus troopers rocketed to their feet, falling quickly as silent shots ended their lives. Not waiting for Garrus to give an all clear James dashed forward to find two men on the ground, they'd caught the brunt of the grenades. He ignored their dark, dull eyes staring blankly out through cracked visors as he pushed past and took cover against a doorway.

He peered around the corner. He blew out a breath and his heart settled back into his chest. Shepard was tightly tucked in behind an air car, with the civilians she'd rushed to save pushed against the wall at her back. He took another quick look.

'I count eight,' he readied another round of grenades.

'Seven.' The thump of a body falling sounded outside and James grinned, Garrus was in his element.

'Fire in the hole,' James lobbed three grenades.

The pattern repeated. Troopers who got up to run were lucky to remain on their feet for a few seconds before shots pierced their skulls or chests. Others stumbled upright as the explosions pushed them to their feet only to fall in death a heartbeat later. James rushed forward, coming to rest beside Shepard who was working frantically on her omnitool.

'You okay?' James spared her a glance as he placed himself between her and oncoming troops.

'Yeah,' she grimaced and cursed softly as she shut down her tool then opened it up again. 'Damn Cerberus engineer fried my coms.'

'We've got more incoming,' James checked his ammunition before looking at her. 'Are you ready?'

'I think so,' her fingers were flying across her omnitool and she turned to him with a satisfied smile. 'I am now.' Her voice came through the com and he grinned as she readied her weapon.

'Shepard, are you trying to have all the fun on your own?'

'Nah, Garrus, just seeing if you can keep up.'

James shook his head, he heard the questioning tone in Garrus' voice and knew they had frustration and concern in common.

'Let's do this together, shall we,' Garrus suggested and Shepard frowned but didn't respond. 'Here they come,' a body fell from a window, 'minus one.'

James heard Shepard chuckle behind him and with a nod he moved forward taking cover behind a concrete column. He was thankful Shepard stayed where she was to protect the civilians, he wasn't sure he could deal with her rushing off ahead right now. He'd only just settled down from the last dose of fear she'd given him. He realised this was the emotional conflict she'd tried to show him and he was doing his best to ignore the primal urge to protect her, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

* * *

James swirled the drink in his glass and stared at the bottles on the wall behind the bar. He was off duty and thought that a drink might give him the courage he needed to face Shepard. Since returning from Benning they hadn't had the chance for a debrief, and he hadn't filed his report yet. He wasn't sure what to write.

The soldier in him should say that Shepard had been reckless, ignored protocols endangering both herself and her team. The admirer in him would say that Shepard had risked her own life to save civilians, trusting her team to be there. The man in him wanted to say that she'd scared the living fuck out of him and he feared for her life while ignoring the risk to his own. He downed the remains of his drink and spun the empty glass on the counter. Whichever way he wrote it seemed wrong. Maybe he just shouldn't write it at all.

They'd saved the civilians, that was the important thing and Shepard had searched until she discovered what happened to the recon team, then she found the dog tags belonging to the ambassador's son. He didn't envy her the task of telling him his son wasn't coming home but he would be beside her when she did, if she'd let him. It was a successful mission all round so why did Shepard's behaviour bother him so much.

Emotionally compromised, he understood now what Shepard had meant. To be the soldier she needed him to be he had to deal with it, recognise that line between professional and personal and not cross it. Today was a test and he liked to think he passed.

'James.'

He glanced over his shoulder to find Shepard standing in the doorway. She moved to the stool beside him, perched her perfectly rounded backside on it, stretched her legs out to balance herself, tilted her head and looked at him. As frustrated and angry as he was it still took everything he had not to smile at her.

'EDI told me you were in here. Something wrong?'

James stared at her for a moment before spinning the seat so he was facing her. 'Do you remember what you said to me after Mars, after I used the shuttle to take down Cerberus?'

'I said it was reckless and irresponsible.'

'What you did today was reckless and irresponsible.' He wanted to take back the words as her eyes narrowed and her lips became a tight line but he had to push on now. 'As your Acting XO, marine lieutenant and team member I have to tell you that. You put yourself and us in danger unnecessarily.' He sighed and planted his hands on his thighs, his gaze taking in the room before settling back on her face. 'Shepard, I know you wanted to save those civilians, needed to, hell, so did I, but dashing forward without waiting for backup was just wrong. It went against everything we're trained to do.'

James was starting to think that he'd gone too far, she hadn't said a word, her narrowed eyes gave him no clue to what she was feeling. His stomach churned, maybe that drink hadn't been such a good idea. It also occurred to him that he might be blowing any chance he had with her, especially as she hadn't given him any hint that she was interested in him romantically.

'When the coms went down we didn't know if you were still alive, you gave us no warning and we had to play catch up. I know you're an N7, you're the biggest badass I know and you could probably handle situations like that with your eyes closed. But you're not indestructible and you have a team, we're supposed to work together.' He met her eyes, not sure what emotion he saw there. 'You're no good to anyone if you're injured …., or worse, and we can't get to you.' he dropped his gaze at the thought that she might have died and there was nothing he could have done to help her. He decided to lay it all out for her. 'Damn it Lola, you scared the living fuck out of me today.'

She still hadn't moved or said a word. He raised his eyes, expecting to see anger but she was simply staring at him, her eyes open and bright with amusement. James looked at her through eyes cloudy with confusion. Suddenly she smiled and it was like a thousand suns all went supernova at once. Heat rushed to his core and his body betrayed him as it responded, electricity coursed through him making him shiver in absolute delight.

He watched, caught somewhere between shock and disbelief, as she pulled herself off the stool and pushed her way between his thighs, his hands floated in the air but he was oblivious to them. The world became surreal as she raised her hands and cupped his face, her eyes taking in every part of him. His eyes widened as she closed the gap and her lips touched his. He couldn't believe that it was happening, to him, right now. It took him a moment to realise that she was deepening the kiss, that her hands had slipped from his face and her arms had gone around his neck, that her body was touching his. _Holy fuck!_

His eyes closed as he quickly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in. She might be the mighty warrior but in his arms she felt tiny, delicate, and he was afraid to hold on too tight, afraid of breaking her. His hands felt the firmness of her body, the strength in her petite but shapely frame and all hesitation vanished. He tightened his hold, whatever space existed between them squeezed out as their bodies moulded perfectly against each other. The kiss became more demanding, he felt the delicate touch of her tongue as she ran it across his lips. His hands came up to hold her face, tilting her head slightly as he opened his mouth to her, welcoming her tongue with his own. His fingers carded her hair, its silky softness caressing his fingers. She moaned and lust raged through him, he'd wanted this, needed this for so long, an unquenched thirst was finally receiving the first drops of moisture and the flood gates opened. He slid forward off the stool, using it to brace himself as he straightened his legs, one hand moving to her lower back as his fingers brushed the curve of her backside.

He groaned as she pushed harder against him, she had to feel his body's reaction, the instant hardness in his trousers. The scent of her overwhelmed him. He drew her in with deep shuddering breaths, the fruity odour of her shampoo mixed with the lingering smell of gun oil; she was the sweet nectar of life he needed to survive. The heavy thudding of his heart beat against his ribs so loudly he was sure the whole ship could hear it. Her racing pulse under his fingers sent him reeling as he realised that she did want him, did feel something for him. She broke the kiss long enough to change the position of her head before claiming his lips again He probed with his tongue and she eagerly opened up to him with a moan

Suddenly she pulled back, her body still moulded to his and her breasts rubbing against his chest as she gasped for breath. He opened his eyes to find her gazing at him, her pupils dilated, her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen and red. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen with his claim on her mouth there for the world to see. Her fingers ran over his face softly, feeling his eyebrows, sliding down his nose and gently brushing his lips. Her eyes followed. It was as if she was committing him to memory.

'James Vega,' she smiled and met his eyes, 'you really are something.'

James grinned as she used his words back at him. 'Yeah?' He brushed hair off her face, her skin soft and smooth under his fingers.

'Yeah,' she nodded and kissed him lightly before stepping back.

James felt her absence as if he'd lost a limb; part of him was missing. She slid her hands down his arms and linked her fingers with his, reluctant to break contact and James was euphoric.

'You're right and I'm sorry. It's just colonies under attack, defenceless civilians,' she sighed, dropped her gaze to the floor and for a moment he could see the young girl hiding in a shed, terrified and alone.

'Hey,' he lifted her chin gently with his finger, 'I get it.' Memories of the colonists on Fehl Prime flooded in and he fought to hold them at bay.

'I know,' she lifted his hands to her lips and kissed his fingers lightly, 'it doesn't excuse what I did though, and I did trust you and Garrus to be there.' She smiled before turning to leave. 'I guess it's Garrus' turn now, he asked to see me.'

'I'll always be there,' he hung on to her fingers until he could no longer reach and she hesitated before letting go completely. 'I hope Garrus doesn't get this response,' he raised his eyebrows and she laughed.

'No, this was just for you.'

He was still curious as to why she'd made the move, especially now after he'd just accused her of recklessness. 'Hey, Lola,' she stopped and glanced at him over her shoulder and James couldn't wipe the grin from his face even though she was leaving. 'So does this mean …. '

'You and me,' she waved her finger between them with a smile and he nodded. 'You asked me to take a chance, be careful what you wish for, Vega, you might get more than you bargained for.'

James gaped as the doors closed behind her. He wanted to jump up and scream to the world, punch the air or dance a samba. He did none of those things though; he simply ran his hands through his hair and spun so he faced the bar.

'Jesus, Vega, you've got balls,' Joker spoke from the ceiling with a new found respect in his voice.

'How so?' James looked up.

'Telling Shepard she'd done something wrong, that's gutsy stuff.'

'Someone had to do it,' he shrugged, 'worked out okay in the end.' His grin was back.

'Lucky for you,' Joker scoffed.

'Do you watch everything that goes on around here?'

'Not everything, I can't see into the bathrooms.'

'Gracias dios for that,' James laughed.

'Nice job, Vega,' the pilot chuckled, 'just don't let her down, okay.'

'Not a chance,' James sighed, 'now I just have to figure out what I did to deserve that.'

'You don't know,' Joker snorted a laugh. 'Here's a hint, it has to do with the order of things.'

'The order?' James frowned at the ceiling but there was no response.

James turned and leant on the bar, staring at the bottles as if the answer could be found there. Then it dawned on him. He'd approached her as a professional, one soldier to another, XO to Commander, he put professionalism before his personal feelings. He'd proved to her that he could keep the two separate, as hard as it was. It was something she hadn't been sure off, and, while it was still possible they would have settled on a relationship at some time, she'd made the move because she trusted and believed in him. It made him want to preen and flex at the thought that she was proud of him and respected him. He just hoped she was willing to accept him heart and soul, he'd dreamed of it for so long.

He pinched his arm, hard, and flinched when it hurt. Yep, he was awake, it wasn't a dream. He slid off the stool with a stupid grin on his face that he didn't want to hide. By the time he got to the door however, the grin was gone, replaced by the professionalism Shepard expected of him. He made his way to the CIC. He might be off duty but on a ship with a skeleton crew and few officers there was always something to be done.

He also wanted to check in with Traynor, they hadn't heard from Anderson for almost three weeks. It was frightening to think that the war may already be over on Earth, that there was nothing left for them there. It was a sobering thought that took the shine of his euphoria but it refused to fade completely. He fought down the urge to grin as he stepped into the elevator. Now he could work on turning his chance into something positive and real, something to give them hope for the future. As for that report, the mission was a success, that was all anyone needed to know.


	36. Chapter 36

**** 36 ****

She couldn't hide it, the grin that threatened to give her away as something other than Commander Shepard. She tried, thought of everything from casualty numbers to the Crucible, crew rosters to provisions, but it didn't work. A sense of relief filled her, as if she'd been empty and waiting for it, it bubbled over the rim of her control and breathing suddenly felt easier. It occurred to her that maybe she had been carrying around unwarranted guilt when it came to her love life.

When Kaidan walked away from her on Horizon she had blamed herself, trusted his judgement, believed his words. He had broken her heart but he also made her doubt herself. She'd felt unworthy, of being trusted, believed and most of all of being loved. After coming back from the dead it was enough to make her close down any emotional attachments. Even Joker and Garrus had suffered her coldness for a while, unable to penetrate the shell of self-hatred she'd put up. Eventually they wormed their way through but only James had truly cracked that shell.

She wasn't stupid, she knew that James had been angry with her but it had nothing to do with her being a traitor or betraying the Alliance. It had everything to do with his own guilt and regret. They were two of a kind really, hurting because of someone else's actions. She hadn't wanted to let him in but he slowly created cracks in her barrier, opening them up to let in light. He hadn't pushed, although she guessed he probably wanted to, instead he'd left her the choice.

He was a soft hearted, caring person underneath that impressive bulk, there was a tenderness there that called to her. It told her that she was safe, protected, that his arms would always hold her and support her. She wanted those arms around her more than she realised, she wanted the warmth and comfort he offered, she wanted his strength, his love. Her step faltered as she crossed the mess but she quickly recovered.

She thought Kaidan had loved her, that she had loved him. Maybe they had, but apparently it wasn't solid enough to build a relationship on. What she felt around James was different, more intense. It thrilled her as Kaidan never had, it sent shivers down her spine when he looked at her from under his lashes, her heart raced when he smiled at her. She was half-afraid that if he ever touched her intimately she might explode from pleasure. For the first time in a long time she wanted that touch, that intimacy. He had awoken that in her but she'd still balked. Until today.

Today he'd proved that he could be the soldier she needed to have her back and the man she wanted to stand by her side. Her heart had soared when he took her to task. He cared deeply, she knew that, but professionalism came first, as difficult as it was for him to hold his emotions in check he did it. The final barrier shattered into a million pieces and as she looked into his confused, questioning eyes she saw someone she could trust, with her heart and her life.

So she'd kissed him. She had only planned to kiss him lightly, to encourage him, show her interest, but the moment her lips touched his her body wanted more. When he responded flames erupted around her, the heat so intense she melted against him, felt his need and it only increased her desire. Even now she could still feel the burn of his lips, the touch of his hands and smell the musky scent of him. She entered the forward battery with flushed cheeks, bright eyes and a smile that would have left James melting on the floor.

'You wanted to see me Garrus,' even her tone was joyous.

'Shepard,' he turned to look at her and his mandibles tightened against his face. His eyes narrowed as he sniffed the air. 'I'm guessing James has already spoken to you about the mission.'

'Yes, he has,' she leant against his console, folded her arms across her chest and managed to pull her face under control. It lasted all of a minute before she was grinning again.

'Can I assume from the smile on your face and the flush in your cheeks that you're not upset with what he said?'

'What? No,' she tilted her head and met his worried gaze. 'Anything but. He stood up to me Garrus, treated me like a fellow soldier, spoke to me as my XO and team member. He was very professional, maybe a little personal,' she shrugged.

'So you and he are …'

'I think so,' she blew out a breath and began slowly pacing. 'I hope so. I'm willing to try but I don't know if I should. There are regs and ….'

'Yes you should, regs be damned, it's about time and I'm happy for you.' Garrus placed his talon on her shoulder, 'he's good for you.'

'He is?' She turned and met his glistening eyes, 'you never said that about Alenko.'

'That's because he wasn't good for you. And we're better friends now, I can say things like that without fearing that you're going to shoot me.'

'I'd never shoot you, Garrus,' she rolled her eyes at him. 'Why was Alenko not good for me?' She leant against the console as Garrus paced.

'He let his feelings affect how he behaved around you, on the ship and on missions.' He stopped and looked at her, 'did you know that sometimes when you weren't looking he took unnecessary risks to protect you.'

'I thought so,' she nodded.

'Towards the end he didn't see you as Commander Shepard the N7 marine. He saw Andora Shepard, the woman he was in love with.' Garrus moved beside her against the console.

'That would explain Horizon I suppose,' she turned, placed her elbows on the console and leant on her hands. 'Although I sometimes thought he was in love with the legend.'

'So there's no chance of you and him getting back together?' Garrus looked down at her, leaning sideways so he could see her face.

'No, he's a part of a different life, it doesn't feel like he fits into this one in that way.' She let out a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair, 'I like Kaidan, I thought I loved him once. I would like to remain friends.'

'Do you think he can?'

'I don't know. I got the impression at the hospital he was looking for more.' She turned her head to look up at him.

'Does James know that?'

'I haven't spoken to him about Kaidan,' she pushed off the console and stepped towards the door.

'Maybe you should,' Garrus pulled himself upright, 'before Kaidan comes back, if he comes back.'

'I guess so. I'd like to have Kaidan as part of the team, we could use his knowledge and abilities.' The door opened and she paused on the threshold as Garrus called to her.

'Don't waste this opportunity, Shepard, you deserve some happiness. Be a little selfish for once.'

'James is pretty convincing,' her grin was back and Garrus laughed, 'now that I've given him an opening I don't think he'll let me close it.'

'See, told you he was good for you.'

Garrus' words followed her as she passed the sleeper pods. She had to agree, she hadn't felt so relaxed and happy for a long time. James wouldn't let her down, she knew that now, he wouldn't treat her like someone who needed his protection. A smile softened her face as she stepped into the elevator, she was going to take Garrus' advice, she was going to be a little selfish.

That meant she would have to talk to him about Kaidan, set things straight so there were no doubts. Maybe they could have dinner in her quarters. Maybe he would kiss her again, her fingers went instinctively to her lips where she could still taste him. And just maybe it would lead to …. She stopped that line of thought before it took hold. She had reports to file and a ship to run, those thoughts would distract her from both of those things. But what a pleasant distraction it would be. She dropped her head as the idea of his hands on her made heat rise from her toes, slowly working its way upwards. The chime of the elevator reminded her of where she was.

She stepped out into the CIC and raised her head to find James and Traynor looking at her. Traynor dropped her eyes to the datapad she and James were studying but James' eyes lingered for a moment. She continued on, nodding as she passed on her way to the bridge. James nodded back, the corners of his mouth lifting as he dropped his eyes and focused on the datapad. Shepard tried hard not to grin but as she stepped through the door to the bridge she knew she'd lost the battle.

'So, someone seems happy,' Joker spun his chair as the door closed behind her. 'Wouldn't have anything to do with a certain LT would it?'

'Can it Joker,' she wanted to sound serious but failed miserably.

'Shepard, I have noticed a change in your biometric readings since you left the port observation lounge. Are you well?'

'She's well alright, EDI,' Joker looked sideways at her before facing Shepard again, 'and it's about time.' He dropped his head so his face disappeared under his cap.

'Joker,' Shepard sighed and moved towards him.

Suddenly he pushed awkwardly out of his chair, met her approach and wrapped his arms around her. She could feel him shaking and she gently returned his hug. He was her best friend, a friendship forged in battle and made stronger by the trust they had in each other. He was the brother she never had, but no matter how many times she tried to convince him he wasn't responsible for her death he couldn't forgive himself.

'Be happy, please,' he stepped back with a sniffle, wiped his face and met her eyes.

'I can do that,' she reached for his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze, 'especially if it helps you to stop feeling guilty.'

'Workin' on it,' he snorted and moved back to his seat. 'I'll try not to ruin this one for you.'

'You didn't ruin the last one,' she grimaced and he frowned, 'Kaidan did that all on his own.'

'Really, so no chance of you two fixing things?' His eyes glistened under his cap.

'No, especially not now,' her grin was back and Joker chuckled.

'Good, because James is the better option,' he held up his hands as she raised her eyebrows at him. 'Kaidan's a good guy, he's a good soldier and all that, but James is stronger, he cares deeply and trusts you implicitly. I'm not sure Kaidan can be all of those things and let you be you, you know the big badass who takes down Reapers.'

'Major Alenko's profile suggests that he is a protector, especially with those he cares about,' EDI glanced towards Shepard, 'there is a strong possibility that would outweigh the fact that you are a capable soldier who doesn't need protecting. He would take risks to save your life.'

'Yeah,' Shepard sighed and nodded, 'he started doing that on missions before …., he thought I didn't know and if we'd continued with our relationship I would have had to talk to him about it.'

'You don't think James will do that?' Joker frowned at her.

'I don't think so,' she shook her head. 'I think he will find it easier to keep our professional and personal lives separate. I hope so anyway.'

'So,' Joker grinned and sat forward, 'there's going to be a personal life?' He waggled his eyebrows at her making his cap dance around on his head.

'That's none of your business,' she laughed at him. 'And if I find out there's a bet you will be nursing some broken bones.'

'Geez, Shepard,' he spun back to his console, 'way to spoil a man's fun.'

'How long till we reach the Attican Traverse?'

'We'll be there in roughly two hours.'

'Okay, let James and Garrus know to be ready.'

'Aye, aye.' Joker was on the com before the door shut behind her.

* * *

'Commander,' James dropped down beside her, 'you okay?' His casual question belying the concern she knew was underneath.

'Yeah,' she looked up at the prefab teetering over their heads. 'Rather not do that again though.'

'I hear ya,' he flicked a quick glance at the structure before moving to take point as Grunt yelled from above.

'Shepard, you okay down there?'

She reassured Grunt and moved to stand beside James who was peering off into the semi dark. With a nod they moved forward.

'Grunt has matured,' Garrus commented from behind, 'he's not your little krogan baby anymore.'

'Krogan baby?' James kept his eyes forward but confusion was evident in his voice.

'Didn't you know Lieutenant,' Garrus chuckled, 'Shepard gave birth to him.'

'You what?' Now he turned to look at her.

'I did,' she chuckled and heard James choke on unformed words. 'I let him out of his tank.'

His sigh was loud and Garrus laughed, 'he still thinks of you as his mother.'

'Battlemaster,' Shepard corrected him.

'Damn, that's ….' James couldn't seem to find the right word.

'I wouldn't worry about it too much,' Garrus consoled him, 'not until he starts calling you dad.'

'Or until you have to kill a thresher maw for him,' Shepard added.

Shepard could see his head shaking in disbelief even in the dim light and she grinned as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

'Don't worry,' she leaned in as if sharing a secret, 'you'll make a great dad and he's already gone through puberty. All he needs now is the sex talk.'

She knew he was gaping inside his helmet and Garrus snorted a laugh behind them. It suddenly occurred to her that she believed it, he would make a great dad. She pictured him chasing around two children, a blonde haired, brown-eyed girl and a dark haired, brown-eyed boy, picking them up and swinging them through the air. Their laughter echoed around her and for a moment they were real. She raised her eyes to find his wide eyes watching her, the whites visible even through his visor.

'I see something,' Garrus brought them both back to reality as he motioned ahead with his rifle.

Shepard sucked in a breath and focused on the task. She might not have to worry about James being unprofessional but she was certainly distracted. It was something she needed to control and fast. She followed James as he moved ahead, ignoring the temptation to stare at his ass that looked so good in his armour. She was a professional she could do this.

'Krogan scout,' James checked for life signs but shook his head.

Shepard picked up his weapon, informed Grunt and motioned them forward. Rachni waited ahead, the caves and tunnels hiding whatever they were doing and she needed to find out what was going on. All thoughts of children and James faded as she became the N7 she was trained to be. As if he sensed the change James hoisted his shotgun and side by side they took tentative steps into the dark.


	37. Chapter 37

 

 

**** 37 ****

'Those pods exploded and shot out acid!' James threw his hands in the air, emphasising his point. 'At least we have the rachni on our side now.'

'Until she hears a sour yellow note,' Joker quipped, 'but those pod things, it was like watching Aliens.'

'Aliens?' Garrus' brow furrowed as much as a Turians could and Joker dealt the cards with a shake of his head at Garrus' lack of knowledge.

'It's a classic human movie.  They have these pod thingies that open and little buggy things come out and put their tentacles down your throat. They lay eggs and the monster explodes out of your chest when it's mature enough.'

'Aye, that movie gave me nightmares for weeks.  Just like this hand will.'  Donnelly blew out a breath as he sorted his cards.

'It was funny to watch, especially when Vega here jumped every time Shepard used that Firestorm.' 

'Yeah well then these bugs started crawling out of them.' James threw his unwanted cards onto the table.

'Not afraid of a few bugs are you, Vega?' Garrus asked.

'Even you jumped a couple of times Garrus,' Joker pointed out as he dealt the cards.

'Only because Vega here knocked me backwards trying to get away.'

'Dream on, Garrus,  Next time you can go first and see how fast you move when your shields go down.'  James tossed chips into the centre of the table and Donnelly groaned.

'Didn't seem to bother Shepard.'

'Nothing bothers Shepard,' James grinned as Joker matched his bet.

'Except you,' Garrus commented innocently and James gaped at him.

'So, you and the Commander eh?' Donnelly raised his eyebrows and threw his cards down on the table in defeat.

'What about me and the Commander?' He watched as Garrus folded so there was only him and Joker left.

'Pfff! Come on Vega, if you're trying to keep it a secret you should probably stop making moon eyes at her and she should stop grinning every time you walk into the room.' Joker laid his three aces on the table, 'read 'em and weep.'

'Not this time,' James gave an evil grin as he laid down four kings.

'Fuck! How the hell do you do that?' Joker grabbed the back of his head and buried his face between his elbows. He blew out a breath as he dropped his hands back onto the table. 'At this rate the only thing I'll have left is my shirt.'

'Nah, no good to me,' James gathered the cards, 'won't fit.'

'I'm done.  I'd better get back t' engineering and see what damage Gabby has done.' Donnelly stood up

'Donnelly, we both know who wears the pants in your relationship,' Joker scoffed and James chuckled.

'I thought they both wore pants,' Garrus' eyes narrowed as he looked from one to the other.

'Means Gabby is the boss,' James explained.

'Ah, I thought that was normal in all human pairings, the female is the boss.'

'Ouch, way to bruise a man's ego,' Joker grimaced as he stood up. 'Duty calls, we'll be coming up on the relay in thirty minutes.'

'Time to check the weapons. I bet Wrex and Grunt will be glad to get home.'  James pushed to his feet.

'That probably depends on whether or not Mordin can cure the genophage,'  Garrus led them to the door.

'He will, he's a genius.'  Joker settled his cap on his head as they stepped into the corridor.

'He talks so damn fast.  He came to see me yesterday, he's still concerned about me breaking Shepard.'  James shook his head as they came to a stop by the elevator.

'Well you are rather large,' Garrus looked him up and down.

'And Shepard is a bit small,' Joker shared a nod with Garrus.

'Yeah, but from a salarian,' James' eyebrows headed for his hairline. 'They don't even do that sort of stuff with their laying eggs and shit, and there aren't many females around.'

'But they are curious,' Garrus started walking away, 'just hope he doesn't ask to watch for educational purposes.'

James had no reply to that. The elevator doors closed to the sound of Joker's laughter as Donnelly mentioned something about getting coffee for Gabby and walked away chuckling. James shook his head and folded his arms across his chest. He couldn't help the smile that broke out, he felt like part of the family, he might be the brunt of their stirring but it meant he fit in.

Heavy footfalls sounded to his right and he looked up to see Grunt coming towards him. He was still a kid but he was huge and James instinctively straightened so he didn't have to look so far up to meet his eyes. When they'd left him behind to protect their escape the devastation on Shepard's face had broken James' heart. The slump in her shoulders and the catch in her voice made him want to reach out and comfort her, but he hadn't and he knew she would understand. He'd not intended to leave her alone when they returned to the ship but all that become unnecessary when her baby krogan walked out of that cave.

The joy in Shepard's voice made his heart sing. He wanted nothing more than for her to be happy and watching her wrap her arms around Grunt he saw the relief and pride in her eyes. James was quick to rush to Grunt's other side and together they helped him back to the shuttle. Garrus had sent him a picture he took with his omnitool with the caption 'Happy family'. James knew he'd meant it to be funny but James saw something else.

He saw Shepard looking at him as they carried her baby between them, her hand rested on his as they held Grunt upright, her fingers locked around his as they supported Grunt's weight. He saw that happy family but with a human child rather than a krogan. He'd never thought that far ahead, only ever looking towards the next mission or posting. The idea of a family was suddenly something he could envision, with Shepard. The elevator doors opened and he stepped inside, Grunt following.

'You okay?' James glanced up at the bright blue eyes, strange for a krogan but somehow perfectly natural on Grunt.

'Yep, a few rachni won't keep me down,' Grunt nodded and thumped his fist together.

'Good to hear.'

'I hear things,' Grunt assessed him with his eyes and James knew exactly where the conversation was going. 'About you and Shepard.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah.'

'And?'

'Are you worthy to be the mate of my battle master?' Grunt stretched upward and James had to tilt his head to meet his eyes.

'I am.' He stiffened his spine and flexed his arms.

The elevator doors opened onto the shuttle deck and they stepped out together. Steve looked up as they headed for the centre of the bay and his eyes widened as he realised what was going on. He quickly opened up the com to Joker as James and Grunt squared off.

'This will be fun, hehehe.'

Grunt charged before he'd finished speaking but James expected it. He ducked and rolled away. Grunt's momentum carried him forward but he planted his foot and spun, only to meet James' fists. It was like hitting an armoured tank and James winced as the skin on his knuckles broke open. Grunt swung his huge fist at him and James jumped back but the world spun as it caught the side of his face and he saw stars. If he was lucky his cheekbone was still intact because Grunt certainly wasn't pulling his punches.  He was still in orbit as Grunt charged again so he didn't move quickly enough. Grunt managed to bury his shoulder into James' chest and even though James dug his heels into the deck he was still forced backwards.

With a roar Grunt wrapped his arms around James' waist and he fought desperately to keep his feet on the floor. Grunt was pushing him hard and James was confident he'd break a rib or two when they hit the support beam behind him. He growled and dug his fingers in under the edge of Grunt's headplate. In an adult krogan it would have been difficult but Grunt was an adolescent and the skin underneath was still soft. James curled his fingers and lifted the immature plates.

Grunt let out an agonised yell and released his hold enough for James to swing his legs backward, using the fast approaching support beam to kick off, twist and roll over Grunt's head before sliding down his back. His feet skimmed the floor as he turned and rammed Grunt into the support beam, jumping sideways as the krogan bounced backwards. Before Grunt could find his footing James dived, wrapped his arms around Grunt's legs and pulled them out from under him. His back hit the deck with a resounding clang but James wasn't done.

He scrambled up Grunt's armoured body, shoved his hand inside the armour and wrapped his fingers around a nerve bundle in the side of the krogan's neck. It took everything he had to bury his fingers into the rope like sinew as Grunt struggled to rise but he managed to hold on. Grunt's eyes rolled and his arms flopped onto the deck. James held on for a few seconds longer before releasing his grip and watching as Grunt's vision came back into focus and his fingers twitched.

'You cheated,' Grunt moaned.

'You never said we had to play fair,' James sat back, his legs straddled across Grunt's abdomen, his toes only just reaching the deck.

'Hehehe,' Grunt held up his hand and James took it, 'I see why Shepard likes you.'

'What's going on?'

James looked up and Grunt swivelled his head, both knowing who they would find. A grin broke out on James' face as he slid off Grunt and helped the krogan to his feet.

'We're just playing,' James shrugged.

'Uh-huh,' Shepard scowled and looked from one to the other. Behind her Wrex laughed. 'Don't encourage them,' she glared at him.

'He's a worthy mate for my battlemaster,' Grunt slapped James on the shoulder and he stumbled forward.

'We're not mates,' Shepard spluttered and Wrex laughed even louder. 'Shut up, Wrex,' she tried to sound sincere but failed miserably and her lips turned up as James chuckled.

'So, is this where he starts calling you dad?' Garrus stood behind Shepard with his arms folded and Shepard turned her icy stare on him but he just laughed along with Wrex.

'How did you know about that nerve bundle?' Shepard walked across to James and examined the side of his face, he knew she'd find blood there. 'You need to get that checked out by Chakwas.'

'You could kiss it better,' James dropped his head towards her.

'You didn't answer my question,' she relaxed her fingers against his cheek, her heart stopping eyes shining with amusement.

'I like to know my opponents,' he shrugged, 'know their weak spots. Knowing how to stop them could save my life.' James looked at Wrex and Garrus who were nodding, 'I'm sure they know just where to kick me to do the most damage.' They both winced and he grinned.

'Now I definitely like him,' Wrex laughed. 'You've got a quad and you're going to need it to be Shepard's mate.'

'He's not my ….!'

'Mate … we know,' Garrus shook his head, 'give it up Shepard, we don't believe you.'

James laughed as she groaned and threw her hands in the air. 'Dismissed, all of you,' she shooed them away before turning to James and pointing to his cheek. 'You really should get that looked at and hope Chakwas doesn't ground you.'

'What?' He put his hand to his face, 'it's not that bad.'

'Serves you right for going toe to toe with Grunt,' Shepard said and walked away.

'Hey, he started it,' he jogged after her.

'I'm really surprised you knew how to stop him, not many soldiers know alien physiology that well.'

'So … you're impressed?'

'Yes,' she rolled her eyes at him, 'I'm impressed.' She stopped beside Steve, 'how much did I win?'

'Three hundred credits,' he said with a shake of his head.

'Yes!' She thumped the air before pulling herself under control.

'You bet on me?'

'Of course I did,' she shrugged, 'I'd always bet on you.'

'Wow, that's ….' He couldn't think of words that fit. She'd believed in him, trusted him without question. 'Cool,' he grinned as she chuckled.

The ship shifted as they passed through the relay and Joker gave the all clear.

'You'd better get up to Chakwas,' she led him towards the elevator, 'we'll be going groundside very soon, assuming she lets you.'

James didn't think his heart could swell any more or beat any faster. He knew she was willing to give them a chance but to have her bet on him, that was just something else again. Pride filled him, its glowing light making everything seem sharper, clearer. Beside him Shepard stood straight but he could feel her joy passing over him like waves on sand, the ebb and flow of its force eroding any doubts he had about her feelings for him.

He would never have believed it but now it seemed clear that she had opened her heart to him, maybe loved him as he loved her. Removing the grin from his face was going to take a hammer and chisel and even then he didn't think he'd ever lose it. At least not while Shepard stood by his side. He pushed away the niggling thought that they were at war, that either of them could die tomorrow. Right now he just wanted to bask in the moment. The elevator slowed but just before the doors opened Shepard brushed his hand with hers. Shivers ran through him and his grin became set in stone. Yep, he was just going to bask in this moment, for as long as it lasted.

* * *

A few hours later his excitement was completely overturned by the sadness that filled the shuttle. He glanced at Shepard as she sat opposite, her elbows on her knees and her head bowed. He could understand why the krogans hated everyone. Rescuing the turians, only to find that their mission was to recover a planet buster bomb did not sit well with anyone. Then to hear that Cerberus had beat them to it. The day quickly deteriorated.

'We did our best Shepard,' Garrus said softly. 'The lieutenant will be remembered as a hero.'

'What about Primarch Victus?' She spoke to the floor before raising her head, 'how will this affect his standing.'

Garrus sighed and thought for a moment, 'putting his own son in command, don't know, but his son dying to see the mission through … it will hold some weight. But we turians are a hard lot to please.'

'There was no need for this,' she shoved to her feet and paced the small area. 'Damn secrets are what get people killed.'

James watched as anger, regret and grief rolled across her face. Nothing he could say would ease her pain or her burden and that ate at him. As much as he tried to help there were some things he couldn't do. The shuttle docked and Garrus left to tell the Primarch of his son's death, James didn't envy him that task. Shepard stepped down and he could see her shoulders slumping further with each step she took. Without a second thought he reached for her hand and led her over to his work station, tucking her in behind his table.

'Hey,' he removed his gloves and gently placed his finger under her chin, raising her eyes to his. 'You did everything possible. He sacrificed himself because there was no other way.'

'It still feels like a waste,' she blinked away tears, he wasn't sure if they were from frustration, anger or sadness.

'He died so the krogan could live,' he set about releasing the clasps on her armour as she removed her gloves. 'We have to make sure he didn't die for nothing.'

He laid her chest plate on his table and cleared his throat nervously when he looked back. Their undersuits were very close fitting and hers highlighted every sensual curve of her body. His hands itched to run over them. Forcing himself to concentrate he spun her around and removed her back plate. His eyes fell to the curve of her lower back.

'We can do that,' she turned back and he lifted his eyes to her face as her hands reached for the release on his armour. 'We have to cure the genophage,' he helped her lay his chestplate beside hers, catching his back plate as it slid sideways and dropping it onto the table. 'We have to give the krogan a future,' she bit her bottom lip as her eyes drank him in.

He sucked in a breath as she ran her fingers over his chest, lingering on his pecs before sliding down towards his abdomen. As if realising what she was doing she pulled her hand away, a flush colouring her cheeks. Her eyes met his, her pupils dilated and a hunger there he hadn't expected.  He was glad he still wore his lower armour, as uncomfortable as it was, because the undersuit would not hide anything as obvious as his body's reaction to her touch.

'So is this how you plan to get me naked, take advantage when I'm vulnerable?'

'Lola,' he moved closer and placed his hands on her hips, his voice dropping as he lowered his head, 'when I get you naked it will be for much more enjoyable reasons than to take your mind off things.'

His breath blew across her neck and she shivered as her eyes closed. Her lips parted and he watched in fascination as her tongue slowly moistened the soft, luscious tissue that he so badly wanted to taste. She turned her head towards him and her lips brushed his so softly he thought he'd imagined it. Her eyes flashed open, she stepped back, and he knew he hadn't. She glanced around the bay worriedly and James understood her concern.

'Commander, you might want to get to the war room, Wrex is going to see the Primarch.' Joker announced from the ceiling.

'Be right there.' She sighed and James stepped aside to let her pass. 'Duty calls,' she ran her hand down his arm. 'Make sure you get some rest and eat, we'll be heading back to Tuchanka in a few hours.'

'I will if you do,' James held her fingers as she went to leave and she nodded before pulling away.

The elevator doors had barely closed before Steve came to stand at his table. He began gathering their armour and James looked at him with raised eyebrows.

'Nicely done, Mr Vega,' he nodded and smiled. 'She's going to need much more before this is over.'

'I know,' he removed the remaining pieces of his combat suit.

'You should shower and eat,' Steve picked up his and Shepard's armour pieces. 'I'll make sure these get looked after.'

'Thanks, Esteban,' Vega narrowed his eyes at him, 'you don't need to clean my armour.'

'I know, but on this boat we all take care of each other,' he shrugged, 'just doing what I can, you have more important things to take care off.' He glanced at the closed elevator.

'Okay,' James reached for his towel and shower pack. A shower and food sounded good, and he planned to get food for two.


	38. Chapter 38

**** 38 ****

'Shepard,' James slid in beside her at the mess table, relieved to see a half-eaten meal before her. 'I'm glad I didn't have to chase you all over the ship to make sure you eat.'

'Now there's a thought,' she glanced at him with mischief in her eyes.

'You're a flirt, Lola,' he leaned in closer and she copied his movement.

'Then we're a perfect pair, aren't we,'  her words and tone made his skin tingle with anticipation.

Her forehead was almost touching his, he could feel the heat of her leg resting against his, her arm rubbing his as she moved. He'd never felt more alive or more aroused. It took all his strength to pull back and concentrate on his food.

'Shepard,' Mordin approached the table. 'Have cure ready. Need to decide on dispersion method.'

'EDI, call everyone to the war room in ten minutes,' she looked up at Mordin, 'good job, Mordin. I knew you could do it.'

'Never doubted it. But nice to know you thought so.' He smiled and walked away.

'He's an odd salarian,' James chuckled and tucked into his meal.

'Yes he is, but he's the only one I'd trust to do this. He's a good friend and he's saved my life more than once. We couldn't have killed the collectors without him.'

'Then I guess I owe him one for looking after you.'

He felt her eyes on him but kept his gaze on his food. Shepard casually reached out, her fingers curled around his and she gave them a gentle squeeze. James was surprised at the show of affection while they were out in the open but he wasn't going to question it.

'I'll see you in the war room.'

James watched her walk away, there was an obvious sway to her hips and he grinned at the idea that it was for him. With a deep sigh he went back to his meal, she was going to need him very soon and he would be ready. He had no idea just how prophetic that was.

* * *

Things went from bad to worse. They'd worked out how to disperse the cure only to discover a Reaper in the way. They formulated a plan but now there was distrust and tension among the krogan because a salarian was in their midst. The same salarian that was going to cure the genophage, but that didn't seem to matter. James readied his weapon in case things got messy.

There was a definite change in the air as Eve walked down the steps, cursing the krogan for their inability to see a different future. When she stood proud and determined before them the room was silent, the strength of her presence showing just how powerful one person could be.

'Who will fight with me?'

'I will.' Shepard stepped up beside her.

Pride and admiration filled him as he took his place at her side. Her eyes glistened as she nodded at him. Mordin stepped up on her other side and Garrus stood behind them as Wrex moved to face every other krogan in the room.

'Are you going to stand there and let those not of this world fight for it?  Are you going to stand by like cowards while they stand as heroes and warriors.'  His words added to Eve's humbled them all but he quickly gave them back their pride.  'There is a Reaper out there.  It is the enemy the krogan were born to fight.  We are krogan and this is our home, it's time to show the galaxy that we deserve the Genophage cure.' It was a united force that walked out to face the Reaper.

There was something troubling Shepard though, he could see it in her eyes. He had no time to ask her about it as they climbed into separate tomkahs and headed into battle. It felt wrong to let Shepard travel alone and he ached to be near her but he knew she was safe with Wrex. She was their commander so it was right that she travel with the krogan leader. It didn't help settle his nerves though and he was glad when they stopped and he saw she was okay.

But things went from worse to disastrous. James' heart was racing and when his ears finally stopped ringing the first thing he did was search for Shepard. They'd all dived out of the way of the crashing turian ship but he'd lost sight of her in the turmoil. He saw her through the dust, scrambling to her feet, yelling at Wrex to go, broken road or not. It was an image he committed to memory, she might have been covered in dust but she was beautiful, strong, proud and in control. She was his warrior goddess.

She turned to him and the fire in her eyes drove him to his feet. Obvious relief flashed on her face before the commander persona he knew fell into place. He followed her into the tunnels without hesitation, the soldier in him alert and wary. As the ground trembled beneath them he knew she would lead them out.

'So the krogan had art at one time,' James commented as they found images on the wall.

'It would seem like it,' Shepard ran her hands over the images, taking pictures with her omnitool.

The ground shook and they all stumbled.

'That felt like more than an earthquake,' James groaned as he shook the dust out of his hair.

'Yeah. Wrex, are you feeling these tremors up there?' Shepard moved them forward.

James listened and dread settled in his stomach like bad food, heavy and painful, making him sweat. He peered into the darkness.

'Do I even want to know who Kalros the mother of all thresher maws is?'

'Wild guess says that's Kalros,' Garrus shone his light onto the artwork Shepard was examining.

'That's what's crawling around down here,' he couldn't stop the shiver that passed through him. 'If they've named this thing it must be something special.'

'Afraid of a little thresher maw, James,' Shepard chuckled.

'Doesn't sound so little to me,' he said with a shrug then realised no-one could see it in the dark, 'but I'm sure we can handle it.'

'You might get lucky and get mating offers from krogan females.'

James could hear the amusement in her voice but conversation ceased when they found the first rachni. Finally they walked into light and James gaped at what lay before them. Even Garrus sounded surprised. He could only imagine the beauty that had once covered Tuchanka if the complex architecture and flowing water was anything to go by. There was a simple beauty in the buildings and yet they were magnificent. He wondered just what the krogan could have been if they hadn't destroyed themselves with nuclear war.

'Plants?' James walked to the edge and looked out on small patches of green.

'You're looking at hope,' Eve spoke into their coms.

He heard the hope in her voice and it inspired him to make this happen. The krogan needed the chance to have the future she and Wrex wanted for them. Beside him Shepard and Garrus checked their weapons and he could see the same determination on their faces. They stepped forward together to give them the hope they needed.

* * *

'That was fun.'

James sat beside Shepard as they rushed inside the tomkah, hurrying to avoid Kalros after fighting their way through Reaper troops. While he was enjoying the battle he was glad of the rest because he was sure there was a lot more to come. He took advantage and pulled ration bars from his pocket, passing one to Shepard who actually opened it and ate it.

'It's not over yet,' she said around a mouthful as she checked her ammo.

'Yeah, we have an idea about that,' Wrex was grinning and James had a bad feeling about what was coming.

He was right. He glanced from Shepard to Garrus and could see the same disbelief on their faces.

'So you want me to use ancient hammers to call a giant thresher maw to take down the Reaper.' Shepard summed it up.

'Yeah, should be easy.' Wrex laughed as Shepard scoffed at him.

James could see it in her eyes: she was going to do it. The thought both terrified and excited him. It was probably the craziest thing they would ever do, but, if she was doing it so was he. As they jumped out of the tomkah and looked towards the tower he knew they were certifiably insane.

'I know we've beaten the odds before, Shepard,' Garrus obviously agreed with him, 'but getting to that tower …, I just don't know…. .'

'We have no choice.'

James glanced at her and she shrugged. She was right, the only way through to cure the genophage was past that Reaper.

'Let's do this then,' he cocked his head with a grin and she laughed.

'Here we go again,' Garrus was shaking his head but readying his weapon, 'into hell and hope we come out the other side.'

'Wouldn't have it any other way, Garrus, you know that.' She raised her rifle, 'Let's go.'

Wrex stopped them for a moment and James could see the moisture in Shepard's eyes as the mountain of a krogan thanked her for giving them hope, for standing by his people. She seemed relieved and James had a strong feeling there was something he was missing. But it was personal too and as Wrex wrapped his arms around her he was sure she wiped away a tear. A sound behind them made them spin. Wrex growled as rachni approached.

'Go, I've got this.' Wrex was already charging towards the enemy. 'I am Urdnot Wrex, and this is my planet.'

The rachni had no chance as Wrex threw them aside like toys. James admired the krogan for his commitment to his people and now he impressed him with his skill as a warrior. He could understand why he and Shepard were close. Wrex was still yelling and firing as they moved forward.

They were under fire almost immediately. The three of them made short work of the cannibals and moved on. If anyone had told James that he would be deliberately walking towards a Reaper he would have told them they were crazy. Well, it seemed he was crazy, but there was no hesitation as they walked out onto the bridge. He looked to his left.

'Holy shit!'

Seeing the Reaper up close sent adrenaline rushing through his system. His heart was racing as Shepard walked forward. It jumped into his mouth as a red beam took out the bridge and Shepard disappeared. He struggled to keep his footing as the heat washed over him and the structure trembled beneath his feet.

'Shepard!' He raced to the edge with Garrus beside him.

He heard Garrus blow out a breath as she clambered up a pile of rubble. As one they jumped down beside her. James couldn't help it, he looked her up and down, looking for sign of injury but found none. The slight relief he felt didn't ease his racing heart as he realised how close she'd come to dying. Straightening his shoulders he moved forward, he would deal with that later, right now they had a Reaper to kill.

'Fuck,' his voice didn't falter and that surprised him, 'we just got shot at by a Reaper.'

'Consider it practice,' Shepard sounded confident but he heard the slight tremor in her voice.

He was still watching her worriedly when they stopped to scan the battlefield.

'Okay, hammers are either side of the clearing down there.'  She pointed to a spot ahead of them, 'we have to get to them.'

'Just how do we do that?' Garrus sounded as worried as James felt.

'Straight down the middle,' she met their questioning stares with determination. 'Keep moving, cover won't work. Watch for the beam and stay out of its way. It can't change direction too quickly so just avoid it.'

'Just avoid it?' James gaped at her, 'I think I'll start calling you Loco.'

'Too much of a challenge for you James,' she smirked at him.

'Hell no,' he shook his head and risked a glance out of cover. 'It's just the sort of challenge I like.'

'Definitely a perfect pair,' Garrus muttered.

It was surreal. The world turned red as the Reaper's beam cut through everything around them until they were inside a furnace. Sweat gave the dust somewhere to settle, it clung to everything, working its way into every nook and cranny, making armour chafe. It was hell made real, but they pushed through. They were almost at the clearing but they were quickly tiring and James saw Shepard stumble. Garrus grabbed her arm without stopping their forward momentum, keeping her upright until she found her feet.

They cowered behind a wall to catch their breath, expecting the Reaper's beam to slice through their hiding place but it never came. A sound drew their attention as the turian ships returned to distract the Reaper. It was a moment of respite but they couldn't waste the opportunity. James looked at Shepard until she met his eyes. She gave him a nod, it was all he could ask for as they stood up and once again ran straight toward the Reaper.

When the first brute hit the ground James groaned. As others followed he cursed. As the Reaper dropped its huge leg in front of them he stumbled backwards with a loud yell.

'Fuck! How do we do this?'

He had no time to think as brute after brute approached. Then he understood and he looked to where Shepard was rolling out of the reach of a brute.

'Shepard, get to the hammers, we've got this.'

'Okay.'

He turned and ran as a brute charged. By the time he was in the clear Shepard was gone. Three brutes were closing in on Garrus but he was running out of room. James readied grenades and ran towards him.

'Garrus, move!' He tossed the grenades and followed Garrus to an upper level.

'Thanks.'

James nodded but they had no time to rest as multiple brutes followed them. Then he heard it. A regular, deep thump, muffled as if buried but he could hear it and feel it as the ground quivered beneath his boots. Shepard was still alive. He sent out another round of grenades, fighting down the urge to get to Shepard and help her. He trusted her implicitly, she could do this, she was his badass and there was no room for doubt. Between them he and Garrus managed to take down two of the monsters but there were still many more. All they had to do was keep them away from Shepard and trust she could avoid the Reaper that kept stabbing the ground with its legs.

'Shepard, you need to activate the hammers.' Wrex's voice boomed through the coms.

'There's a Reaper in my way, Wrex!' Shepard's voice was music in his ears.

'You get all the fun,' Wrex chuckled and James couldn't help but grin.

'There's plenty here if you want to join in,' James informed him.

'He's been sitting on that throne for too long,' Garrus puffed between rolls. 'He's forgotten how to use that weapon of his.'

'You think I'm going to let you have a higher body count than me.'

A carnage blast took out a weakened brute and James jumped sideways as it fell towards him. He looked around to see Wrex standing on an upper level, shotgun in hand.

'Let's see who's forgotten how to use a weapon,' he jumped down and charged a stunned brute, his sheer size knocking the brute backwards.

'So you can still shoot,' Garrus dived over a pile of rubble as a brute stepped onto the mines he left behind.

Wrex just laughed and James had no doubt he was enjoying himself. He had no idea how long they fought brutes. He had no time to even think about it. He rolled under the legs of one, firing a carnage blast at its unprotected rear as his boots found solid purchase. Garrus was clambering over a shattered wall to where Wrex was firing blast after blast at the endless wave of powerful monsters and James rushed to join them. They were becoming more exhausted by the minute and his concern for Shepard growing by the second.

The three of them stood side by side. A human, a turian and a krogan working in tandem, using everything they had to weaken the enemy before taking down brutes one at a time, stepping backward together, drawing the enemy towards them. He would never forget this moment, standing alongside two of the most powerful warriors in the galaxy. Fate had brought him to this place, to this point in time. It had brought him to Shepard.

The thumping was suddenly louder, stronger. He was sure the sand bounced with each beat, as if the entire area was the skin of a drum and the hammers the drumsticks. It echoed around them, deep and regular, a heartbeat for a planet that held so much grief and yet showed promise for the future. If the hammers were the heartbeat Kalros was the blood that poured through the veins. The ground trembled underfoot and a profound sense of life halted all movement, even the brutes seemed in awe of it. Silence fell as all eyes turned towards the Reaper. Only the thump, thump, thump of the hammers broke the charged air around them.

It happened so fast. Kalros sprung from the soil, a giant maw defending her home. The Reaper was slow to respond as Kalros wrapped herself around the enemy. That was when James realised they had to run.

'Move!'

He pushed Garrus into action and his yell pulled Wrex out of the trance that held him. They dived for cover as the maw's tail swept across the area, sweeping it clean of brutes as she lost her grip on the Reaper. James glanced over the wall that protected them, searching for Shepard but she was nowhere in sight. The maw disappeared back into the ground and the Reaper turned its eye back towards them. They were already running as the deadly beam primed but Kalros once more dived from the soil. This time she managed a firmer grip and the Reaper faltered as she used her strength to pull it down.

It was eerily quiet. The dying echoes of the Reaper's cries faded away as soil and debris filled the hole it left behind. The three got to their feet and stared in open-mouthed wonder at the blank space where the Reaper had been.

'Holy fuck!' James sensed Garrus and Wrex nodding in agreement.

'Is everyone okay?'

'Lola,' James couldn't hide the relief in his voice and he felt Garrus' talon on his shoulder. 'We're fine what about you?'

'I'm good,' her rapid breathing made him doubt her. 'Got a bit messy over here, had to jump out of the way but that was awesome!'

James just shook his head and knew she was okay. 'Yeah, it was.'

'Shepard,' there was awe in Wrex's voice, 'you are a hero and Tuchanka will honour you forever.'

'As long as you don't build a statue, Wrex,' she laughed and the krogan battlemaster laughed with her. 'Head back to the trucks, I'll go and help Mordin with the cure.'

With a last look at the open ground the three warriors turned, smiling and clapping each other on the back. Together they walked towards to the trucks and into history.


	39. Chapter 39

**** 39 ****

Shepard was closing down. James could see it, hell he could feel it. Emotions rolled off her. He clenched his jaw tight as another wave of anger crashed over him, making his skin crawl. He wanted to hit something or someone. An overwhelming sadness that almost brought him to tears followed.

She hadn't said a word, other than to Wrex and Bakara, since he'd found her standing on a platform looking up at the Shroud as it crumbled to the ground. He'd understood immediately by the look on her face, the way she held out her hand to catch the fine flakes of what he believed was the genophage cure. Mordin wasn't with her so that could only mean one thing. He was dead. Whatever emotion had been there disappeared as she turned and stormed back to the trucks.

As she said goodbye to Wrex he could see her fighting for control. She appeared normal, sounded normal, but he could see the stiffness in her spine, the way she held her head, the tension in her fingers as she fought to keep her hands from forming fists. She sat in the shuttle, folded over her knees as her elbows held her up, eyes on the floor, hands clenched under her chin. He stood beside her, wanting so desperately to drop to his knees and pull her into his arms.

'Shepard.' He moved towards her slowly.

She shook her head and he stopped. Garrus shifted and James glanced at him, obviously he could feel Shepard's distress if the tightness of his mandibles was any indication. James had been here before, watched her shut down, felt her emotions so strongly it had taken his breath away. The passion she held so closely in check started seeping out through the cracks. It was a volcano waiting to explode. He knew it would come. She was so good at holding herself together, putting on a brave, unfeeling front but moments like these allowed him to see who she really was. He loved both sides of her and it broke his heart that she was going to go through this pain alone because she didn't want anyone, even him, to see her vulnerable.

Not this time. He pulled in a silent deep breath. This time he would be there, make sure she didn't break alone. She had given him permission by letting him in. He was going to take advantage of that. The shuttle settled onto the deck and she was on her feet, stepping out before the door had fully opened. By the time his boots hit the floor she was already in the elevator and the doors closed between them.

Garrus sighed as he stood beside him, exhaustion, dirt and worry etching deep lines on his face. James was sure he wouldn't look any better. He removed his gauntlets as he headed for his work station to grab his shower pack.

'Lieutenant, Admiral Anderson is on the QEC.' EDI's voice from the ceiling put a stop to his thoughts.

'Damn,' he cursed softly, his gauntlets dropping noisily to his table as he turned for the elevator. 'EDI, where is Shepard?'

'She is currently in the shower.' There was a pause and James could sense worry in her voice as she added, 'she seems to be upset.'

'Can you please keep an eye on her and if she isn't out in the next ten minutes ask Dr Chakwas to check on her.'

'Of course.'

James hurried to the war room, relieved to hear from Anderson but frustrated that it was stopping him from getting to Shepard. She would probably be annoyed that she missed him, but James didn't want to drag her out of the shower where he was confident she would be allowing her grief free reign. She needed that more right now.

'Anderson,' James blew out the tension he was feeling, 'you look like shit, sir.'

'Can't say you look much better.'

'Yeah, guess we're both doing it tough.' James huffed out a laugh. 'It's good to hear from you.'

'Where is Shepard?' Anderson was frowning and James knew it was only concern that made him ask.

'She's in the shower, we've just returned from Tuchanka,' he paused long enough to rub his hands across his face, the skin rough with Tuchanka dirt. 'It was a tough mission. We lost Mordin Solus.'

'Sorry to hear that.'

'He cured the genophage though so we have out turian and krogan alliance.'

'So good out of the bad,' Anderson's sigh was loud through the connection.

'How are you doing sir?'

'Coping. We had to get out of Vancouver, there's not much left of it. It's been tough but we're still alive and fighting.'

'That's good to hear, Shepard will be happy about that.'

'Well, I just wanted to check in now that we're able to set up the QEC again. We had lots of reports to catch up on and knowing the Normandy and her crew are still out there fighting was the morale booster we needed.' Anderson stared at him for a moment, 'take care of our girl James.'

'I am, now that she'll let me, most of the time at least.'

Anderson smiled, 'good, she needs someone and I'm glad it's you.' He looked sideways and nodded. 'I have to go but there's someone here who wants to say hello.'

'Take care, Anderson.'

James saw him nod then disappear from view. He was eager to get to Shepard but a glance at Stokes as he stepped into view made him realise that Shepard wasn't the only one suffering. The young marine was haggard, despondent. His hair was unkempt, his face lined and his eyes held none of the humour or mischief James loved about him. There were bandages on his neck and James flinched, that was a little too close to deadly for comfort.

'Hey, Vega,' even his tone of voice told of horrors and exhaustion.

'Stokes, how are you doing?'

'Been better,' he shrugged, resignation obvious and James hated the war for what it had done to him.

'Anderson tells me you had to leave Vancouver.'

'Yeah,' he ran his hand through his hair exposing a series of cuts or scratches down his arm. 'We managed to get some civilians out … we tried at least.'

'I'm sure you did your best.' A platitude that felt worthless.

'Sometimes that's not good enough though is it?'

'What happened, Stokes?'

James didn't think he was going to tell him because he was quiet for a moment.

'There was this kid, lost his father on our way out, sacrificed himself to save his son. He was sixteen, wanted to join the Alliance, he would have made a great sniper.' He paused and James could see the effort it took to hold back his emotions. 'A sniper took him down. A human, Alliance sniper.' Anger surged forward and James couldn't help but feel concern. 'He was indoctrinated.'

'Fuck,' James just didn't know what to say, the idea of humans turning on humans was just …. . 'I'm sorry Stokes.'

He pulled himself erect and there was a glimpse of the young man that James knew. 'Buckner and Zahedi are still alive and now we're out of the city it's a little easier. Hey, and Reigler's here, he made N7. How are things on the Normandy?'

'We cured the genophage today so we've got the krogan and turians working together. Got shot at by a Reaper and used a giant thresher maw to kill it.'

'A thresher maw! That's a story I'd love to hear.' He seemed to brighten a little and that eased James concern, not by much but it was something.

'You'll have to read the report when we send it through.'

'I will.' Something out of view made him turn, 'gotta go, work to do and all that. Stay safe Vega, say hi to Shepard for me, and tell her that omniblade came in very handy.'

'Will do, take care Stokes.'

He could only imagine the horror they were seeing on Earth and it ate him up that he wasn't there to help. But he wanted to be right where he was, alongside Shepard, uniting the galaxy. He was relieved to know they were all still alive, obviously exhausted, and from Stokes manner hurting, but not defeated. He knew they would hold out. They had no other choice. His footsteps were heavy as he walked back into the CIC, heading for the elevator and a shower.

'Sir,' Traynor caught him as he crossed behind her. 'Joker would like to see you.'

'Is it important?'

'I believe so.'

_Damnit!_ James entered the bridge, anger starting to build at the obstacles preventing him from going to Shepard. It dawned on him that as acting XO this was his job, to take control when Shepard was unavailable. He swallowed the curse that threatened to burst forth as Joker turned to look at him.

'Joker, what's up?'

'Just wanted to check that we're finished on Tuchanka so we can launch a rescue mission.' He handed over a datapad.

'A rescue mission, who's in trouble?' His eyes flicked over the information before him.

'There's a bunch of survivors from the CDEM stations stuck on Raum. Their supplies have run out and they have no shuttles to evac.'

'I thought those stations were just rumours.' James glanced at him in surprise.

'No, the stations are, or were, real. I thought it was strange when they didn't query us being in system so I had EDI check and the stations are gone. Probably taken out by the Reapers when they entered the system.' He flicked his eyes over James' shoulder as Garrus entered the bridge. 'There were about 2400 asari, salarian and turians on those stations. There are about thirty survivors left.'

'Damn,' Garrus looked over James' shoulder. 'I knew a couple of turians stationed there. Not the most popular posting, stuck out here stopping and searching ships. Has caused more than a few incidents.'

'Okay, let's go get them.' James turned to leave.

'Is Shepard okay?' Joker asked, concern darkening his already shadowed eyes.

'No, I don't think so, when I've had a shower I plan to find out.' He looked at EDI, 'is she still in the shower?'

'Yes, her heart rate is elevated along with her breathing. I believe she is under significant stress.'

'Shit,' he moved towards the opening door. 'EDI, you might want to inform Chakwas.'

James rushed through the CIC. He began removing his armour in the elevator and had it off completely in record time. He dropped it on his work bench and was back in the elevator in minutes. Normally after a mission he enjoyed his shower, washing off the dirt and grime, the physical and emotional residues: not this time. He just needed to get it done. It was only as he was dressing that he realised he'd forgotten to pick up a shirt and clean socks. _Fuck!_ That meant he had to go back to the shuttle bay first because there was no way he was putting his dirty clothes back on. He was leaving the bathroom when Joker spoke in his ear.

'Vega, you're needed in Shepard's quarters now!'

James dropped his stuff by the bathroom door and ran for the elevator before Joker had finished speaking, 'what's wrong?'

'Chakwas just said to get you up there.'

He stepped into the waiting elevator and his stomach plummeted further the higher it went. As he stepped through the door into her quarters he wanted to throw up, concern and fear churning bile in his empty stomach.

'In here, James,' Chakwas called from the bathroom.

James stepped around the corner and tears burned his eyes as his breath caught in his throat. Shepard lay curled in a foetal position, her body shaking as tremors passed through her, her hands clenched against her chest, her eyes swollen and red, her bottom lip bloody where she'd obviously been biting it. Chakwas looked up at him through moist eyes and he swallowed hard. She hated seeing her like this too.

'I've sedated her and need to get her into bed.' She stepped out of his way.

'Yeah, I've done this before.' He sighed and Chakwas touched his arm softly as he passed her.

James was beside Shepard in two steps, one arm gently sliding under her knees as the other wrapped around her back. He made sure to keep the towel Chakwas had covered her with securely in place as he held her against his chest.

'Lola,' he whispered into her wet hair. 'Why do you do this to yourself?'

'Because she too damn stubborn for her own good,' Chakwas muttered.

She settled against him, her ice cold skin burning where it touched his. She shivered and curled in his arms, her head settling on his shoulder as she buried her face into his neck, her deep shuddering breaths blowing warm air across his skin raised goose bumps. She was so fragile, so helpless and vulnerable. She would hate the thought of anyone seeing her like this. He placed her tenderly on the bed, pulling up the covers before removing the towel.

'You have done this before,' Chakwas patted him on the shoulder and he stepped aside.

'Yeah, when those stupid pendejos on Earth took away her rank.' He kept his eyes on Shepard as she flitted in and out of sleep. 'She didn't have you then, I'm glad she does now.'

'But she had you,' Chakwas pulled a tank top and shorts from a drawer.

'I'll go, let you take care of her.' James knew he should leave but his feet had other ideas and stayed firmly planted on the floor.

'James,' Shepard slurred as the sedatives took a firm hold.

'She shouldn't be alone,' Chakwas sounded smug and James wondered when he'd become someone she trusted. 'Just let me dress her.'

James moved to the fish tank and focussed on the bubbles. He was curious as to why it was empty. Reflections in the glass moved as Chakwas skilfully dressed Shepard and it seemed she'd only just begun when she let him know she was finished.

'She should sleep for several hours, hopefully,' Chakwas waved her omnitool over Shepard who looked peaceful and relaxed. 'EDI tells me she hasn't slept for almost four days. She's her own worst enemy.'

'She has not eaten much in that time either,' EDI informed her. 'I have noticed that Lieutenant Vega has not slept for almost two days.'

James scowled at the ceiling as Chakwas cursed under her breath and shook her head.

'Not another one.'

She fiddled with her omnitool and she was grinning as she looked at James, but it wasn't a happy grin. It was more like: I've got you now. James couldn't help feeling he was about to get scalded by his mother, and that always made him squirm, as if he'd committed some great immortal sin that needed to be washed away in the holy water his mother believed in so passionately.

'As of now you are both off the duty roster for twenty four hours. Joker and Garrus can handle things.' She packed away her omnitool and moved towards the door.

'You can rest in here. I'll have some food sent up.' She looked him up and down with a satisfied smile, 'I'll have some clothes sent up for you too.'

That was when James remembered he was only wearing the sweatpants he'd put on after his shower, he'd forgotten all about picking up a shirt or putting his boots on. Before he could explain Chakwas was gone. He ran his hands through his hair. What did he do now? He eyed off the couch and figured he could get comfortable there, all he needed was a pillow and blanket. He turned to get a pillow from the bed and his chest tightened.

Shepard was shaking. He could see tears rolling down her face even in sleep. Her breathing became faster and he could see her fingers clenching. She was dreaming. Her face contorted in pain as a sob escaped and he couldn't hold back any longer. In two strides he was beside the bed, all thoughts of what was right or wrong gone as he slid in beside her.

'Lola,' he whispered as he placed his hand on her bare shoulder, the softness of her skin like silk under his fingers. He loved that feeling. 'Lola,' he repeated softly, leaning in to kiss her shoulder, closing his eyes as the nearness of her overwhelmed him, made his breath catch in his throat and his heart race.

She rolled to face him. Her eyes flicked open but there was no clarity in them. And yet she knew he was there. A deep sob tore from her chest as she curled against him, pushing herself close, her body moulding to his, as if she was trying to bury herself in him. His arms wrapped around her as she sobbed, her tears wetting his chest. His own tears rolled down his cheeks as he buried his face in her hair and absorbed her pain. She was so tiny in his arms, he felt enormous as she lay tucked against him, his arms like tree trunks around a sapling. This wasn't the mighty warrior, this was the passionate, caring woman underneath and she needed his protection.

Eventually she settled into a relaxed sleep, still curled against him, her fingers resting on his chest as her breathing deepened. A sense of calm washed over him as he softly kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. His arms never moved as he held her in his sleep, his lips rested against her hair as she invaded his dreams. Neither of them heard EDI enter with food and clothes and leave. They were both lost in the comfort of each other and nothing else existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CDEM - Council Demilitarization Enforcement Mission. Battlestaions put in place around Tuchanka after the Krogan rebellions. You can find more in the Wiki.
> 
> To find out what's happening with Stokes have a look at Surviving Hell on Earth.
> 
> Just want to say thank you to everyone for reading and leaving kudos, I really do appreciate it.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, this wasn't supposed to happen but these two just seem to have a mind of their own. Hope you enjoy. ;)

**** 40 ****

The scent of vanilla stirred James to wakefulness. As he climbed the rise from deep sleep to semi-awareness a warmth against his chest quickened the slow crawl to an all out sprint. His eyes flashed open and disorientation had him blinking madly to focus his vision. Then he remembered. Shepard.

Dropping his eyes he was surprised to find her still lying beside him. At some time during the night she had rolled onto her back but she was still pushed against him, angled so that the curve of her body matched his. Her shoulder rested against his chest, the curve of her backside nestled against his hip. Her fingers intertwined with his and she held his arm around her, as if to guarantee he couldn't escape as she slept. His other arm was still under her neck, stretched out across the pillow. There was no way he could move without disturbing her.

Her face was turned so only one side was visible but the relaxed state of her jaw and the soft lines on her face told him she was still sleeping soundly. He inhaled gently, vanilla wafted around his nose and his lips turned up in a slow smile. Last week it was berries. He guessed that she changed her shampoo to suit her moods, just like the colours of her tank tops. It occurred to him that the last time he had smelled vanilla was on Earth. Maybe it was her stress relief shampoo.

The privilege of his position wasn't lost on him. She was completely at ease, comfortable enough to sleep, to forget about everything and trust him to take care of her. Yes she'd been sedated but he knew she would have burned those off hours ago, yet here she was, still asleep. It was a considerable responsibility and one he didn't take lightly. But he couldn't help the pride that constricted his chest and made his eyes burn as tears formed. He watched her sleep.

God she was beautiful. The smattering of freckles across her nose were adorable, her creamy, rounded lips totally kissable and those long lashes that she looked out from under were sexy as hell. He'd never thought of himself as lucky but now … . As if sensing his eyes on her she stirred. He saw the moment when she reached alertness and he expected her to jump up and away. Instead she turned her head slowly as her warm brown eyes opened and met his. There were no barriers, no walls had gone up and he couldn't breathe as he stared into her soul. She smiled and the world exploded into the brightest colours he'd ever seen, the pounding of his heart echoed in his ears, every nerve ending was aflame with life.

'James.'

'Lola,' he was surprised his vocal chords responded.

'I seem to keep ending up in your bed.'

'Actually, we're in yours.'

She lifted her head and looked out at the room. 'So we are.' She dropped her head back with a sigh, 'how bad was it?'

'Chakwas sedated you.'

'Damn, now I'll get the lecture,' she scrunched up her nose and James chuckled at the cuteness of it.

'She wasn't too happy about you not sleeping for four days.'

'I imagine not, I'm assuming EDI ratted me out.'

'Yep,' he leaned in and whispered, 'me too, told the doc I haven't slept for two days either. I'm pretty sure the doc locked the door when she left.'

'Well at least I won't be alone when she descends in all her wrathful glory.' She grinned but quickly became serious. 'I'm sorry, James.'

'What for?'

'Putting you through this, again.'

She turned her face away but not before he caught the guilt in her eyes. She went to sit up but he held his arm around her, effectively stopping her. He was surprised when she relaxed into the pillows.

'Why do you do this, Lola? You have plenty of people on this ship who would help you without a second thought. Why won't you let them?'

He didn't think she was going to answer as she stared at the wall, her face still turned from him. Suddenly she moved, towards him, turning her face into his chest and settling against him.

'Because I've always been alone.' Her breath raised goose bumps as she spoke softly and he heard the vulnerability in her voice. 'Since Mindoir. It's hard to let people in, to open my heart because I'm always afraid I'll lose them, that maybe because I've let them in they might die. It's stupid, I know, but there's a part of me that feels responsible for my family dying, like it was my fault. If I'd found a gun earlier, if I'd been a little faster … .'

'Lola, you know that's not true,' he covered her hand with his where it rested on his chest.

'I know that, but it doesn't stop the guilt. You know that, I've seen it in your eyes.' She lifted her head and looked at him, 'you tell me how to stop it.' He had no answer as she dropped her head back to his chest. 'It's not only that though, I'm supposed to be this big bad marine, an N7, the strongest of the strongest, best of the best and all that. How would it look if I broke down in front of them?'

'They wouldn't care, I don't care. You're only human, Lola.'

'But I can't do my job if they only see a woman who cries and isn't the strong person they thought she was.'

James placed his finger under her chin and tilted her face up so he could see her eyes. 'Do you know what I see? I see a woman who's heart breaks every time someone is hurt or worse. I see this amazing woman who would willingly give her life for others, who always puts herself last. I see someone who deserves the love and support she refuses to accept.' He grinned as her eyes watered, 'I see someone who is stubborn, can be a pain in the ass and a real bitch, but she's beautiful and is about to learn that I can be just as stubborn, a pain in her ass and there when she needs me.'

She gazed up at him through eyes that flooded with tears. 'Where did you come from, James Vega?'

'I've always been here, waiting,' he stroked his fingers down her face. He had been waiting he realised, all his life something had been missing and he'd finally found it. 'I've been waiting for you, Andora Shepard, and now that I'm here I'm not going away.' He slowly closed the gap and kissed her.

He felt her inhale sharply, her lips parting as he ran his tongue across hers. Her hand snaked up over his shoulder and he shivered as her fingers ran over his neck. He slid his arm around to the small of her back and pulled her even tighter against him, his body became a raging inferno, alive like never before. The taste of her, the scent of her and the feel of her invaded every pore, every breath, every heartbeat.

He groaned softly as she lifted her leg over his hip and the heat of her core touched him in places he'd only ever dreamed about. He kissed his way down her neck, loving how she trembled beneath his lips, how she moaned quietly and tilted her head to give him better access. Her other hand was trapped between them and he felt it curl into a fist as he kissed his way across her shoulder, moving the thin strap of her singlet aside with his teeth.

He worked his way back across her collarbone, his hand slipped down to cup her backside as he kissed up the other side of her neck. He found her lips moist and waiting, her tongue eager to explore his mouth. All he wanted was her. He wanted to be inside her, to claim her as his, to give her the pleasure he had waited so long for.

'Andy?' She gasped as he lifted his head to meet her eyes. 'Are you sure you want this?'

'What, no Lola?'

Her pupils were wide and her eyes dark as she slowly focussed on him. She was breathing heavily and his own chest matched hers as her breasts rose and fell against him.

'I'm not making love to Lola, I'm making love to you.' He brushed her hair from her face, 'as long as that's what you want.'

'Oh god, James, yes,' she gasped for breath as she cupped his face. 'I've never wanted anything more in my life.'

It was all he needed. He claimed her lips with a hunger that made her groan. Gently coaxing her a little further onto her back he continued his journey down her neck with his lips. His fingers curled under the leg of her shorts and he moaned as they closed around the bare skin of a perfectly round cheek. Her leg tightened around his hip as she freed her hand from between them and slid it around his back. The feel of her fingers digging into his flesh had him fighting to breathe.

She curved her back as his lips touched a breast, pushing the plump mounds towards him. Reluctantly releasing his hold on her backside he pushed up the singlet to reveal a very erect nipple that cried out for attention. She lifted her arms and he slid the fabric over her head, exposing both breasts, and he swallowed hard. Cupping her breast firmly he ran his thumb over it and she arched even further. Before she could relax he closed his mouth around it, swirling his tongue as he sucked gently, eliciting moans that aroused him in ways he never thought possible. It was more than he could ever have imagined. She was sweet and warm and he closed his eyes in absolute bliss. She whimpered in pleasure, his groan was part joy and part pain as his erection throbbed.

As if sensing his pain she tilted her hips and pushed against him. He sucked in a breath and bit down softly on her nipple, causing her to cry out but it was anything other than agony. The urgency in his claiming of her lips matched her apparent need to feel him. Her hand ran down his abdomen, loosened the ties and slid inside the waistband of his sweatpants. It was his turn to arc off the bed as she wrapped her fingers around him and he was afraid he wasn't going to hold on. He kissed her hard as she forcefully pushed his trousers over his hips with her hand and foot, and he wriggled his legs to shake them down and off. He responded in kind, sliding his hand inside her shorts, gasping as his fingers found her wet heat and plunged into depths he wanted so badly to explore. His lips and tongue explored her mouth as his thumb found the bundle of nerves that had her lifting off the bed.

He knew she was almost as close to the edge as he was. She lifted her hips as he slid her shorts over the curve of her backside, almost losing control as her leg brushed across him to kick the offending shorts off her legs. Her leg was quickly back over his hip and as her wet centre brushed the tip of his erection he lifted his head with a soft cry.

He met her eyes, wanting to see that moment when she became his. As he felt her wet heat close around him he almost lost it, the rapture on her face as she closed her eyes was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He buried himself deep inside her until he had no more to give. It was perfect. It was where he belonged.

Her eyes opened again as she slowly moved her hips. It was his turn to close his eyes as she set the rhythm. Her fingers dug into his back as his dug into her backside, holding her tight against him, never wanting to separate. He sucked her nipple as they rocked against each other, as he slid in and out of her slick warmth. He wasn't going to last, there was absolutely no hope of it. But she had to go first. He kissed her passionately, his hand moving between them to find that sweet spot he knew would send her over the edge.

She cried out as he touched her, bouncing her hips harder as she dug nails into his back, sucking him in like he'd always dreamed. But this was better than anything he'd ever imagined. The world spun. Colour and light exploded, stars popped and the universe enveloped him as she clenched around him. She trembled in his arms, her cries of pleasure muffled against his lips as her shuddering breath fought to escape. Gasping for breath she buried her face in his neck as he gripped her hard, burying himself to the hilt as he released inside her.

He couldn't move. He didn't want to move. There was no space between them, the very air itself was pushed out as they lay wrapped in each others arms, still joined in the most intimate of ways. The only sound was that of their laboured breathing, their own heartbeats, and James was sure they were beating as one. He would never be able to describe the euphoria he felt right at that moment. He hadn't expected it to happen and that made it so much sweeter. He went to move, to roll away so his weight didn't crush her.

'No, don't,' she tightened her legs around him and wrapped her arms around his shoulder as he lifted his head to look at her. 'Please, this just feels … right.'

James swallowed hard, his voice husky and broken as he fought back tears at the thought that she found it as overwhelming as him.

'God, Andy, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen,' he brushed her hair off her face and was surprised to see tear tracks on her cheeks. 'Are you okay?'

'Yes,' she nodded emphatically, a trembling smile softening her lips. 'Never better.' She brought her hands around and ran her fingers down his jaw. 'You know you're my first since I was brought back.'

'I … ,' James wasn't sure how to respond to that. Did that mean she was a virgin and he'd just … 'I didn't hurt you, did I?'

'Not in the least,' she shook her head, 'it was beautiful and I didn't want it to end.'

He kissed her, he needed to kiss her. He wanted to tell her he loved her, that there would never be anyone else for him. There was no hesitation in her response and as she welcomed his tongue he twitched inside her as he came back to life. She grinned against his lips and lifted her hips. He matched her grin and pinched a nipple in retaliation. She flinched and moaned which only served to make him harder. He dropped his head, flicked her nipple with his tongue and she sucked in a breath. He never wanted this to end and as their hips once more moved in unison he lost all sense of everything but the feel of her surrounding him, her nipples under his tongue and her hand clenched in his hair. If the world ended right then he would die a very, very happy man.


	41. Chapter 41

**** 41 ****

James wore a shit-eating grin. Beside him Shepard fought down the same grin but it was a fight she couldn't win. Their thighs rubbed and their shoulders bumped as they wolfed down the food Chakwas had organised, it had been an energetic few hours. They finally made it to the shower, together, which then turned into a further exploration of each other's bodies that resulted in needing a longer shower to get clean. Not that he minded. _Damn._ His grin couldn't get any wider but it tried as just the thought of them under the water aroused him. If they weren't dressed … .

'Care to share?' Shepard laughed beside him and he was sure she could read his mind.

'You first,' he nudged her shoulder and she half turned to face him, tucking one leg under her to give her height.

There was a brightness to her eyes that hadn't been there for a long time, in fact he couldn't ever remember seeing her so happy. He wanted to gloat, to let the world know he was responsible. She ran her fingers over his shoulder and brushed his neck as she slid her arm around him.

'I have to say, that's the best night's sleep I've had in a long time,' she leaned in and her breath awoke every hair on his neck as goose bumps forced them to attention.

'So you only enjoyed the sleep part of it?' He ran his hand down her thigh and she sucked in a breath.

'James,' she was suddenly serious and he met her eyes. 'That was the best night I've ever had, in every way.'

'So I'm not the only one who enjoyed it,' he brushed his fingers softly across her cheek. I've never met anyone like you, Andy,' the corners of her mouth twitched up at the use of her name. 'You're amazing, all of you.'

'I thought you liked what you saw,' she kissed his neck lightly and he shivered, 'felt,' she moved up his jaw with her lips, 'tasted.'

He turned to meet her kiss and she smiled against his lips. It was a chaste kiss, compared to others they'd shared, but it sent his senses reeling.

'I'm happy to oblige, anytime,' he grinned as her cheeks turned a light pink.

'I'll hold you to that.' She rearranged herself on the sofa, forcing his arm up and around her shoulder as she nestled against his chest. 'Thank you,' her voice softened and she played with the front of his shirt. 'I'm glad you were here.'

'I'm sorry about Mordin. He was unique.' James rested his cheek on the top of her head, inhaling the scent of berries. He had been right about the shampoo she had three different fragrances. Berries obviously meant she was happy.

'That he was,' she let out a sigh and James tightened his hold, 'you know he could sing.'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah, he liked the patter songs, he was good at them too.'

'I'm sorry I didn't know him better.'

She was quiet, seemingly content to lie against him and James took great comfort in that. She had let him in, completely, but how long would it be before she shut him out. She wouldn't do it intentionally but he knew it would happen because it was simply who she was.

'Are we going to be able to do this, James?'

'Do what?' He twisted his head so he could see her face.

She sat up, catching his arm as it slid from her shoulder and wrapping her hand around his.

'Go into battle, knowing one of us might not come back? Can we truly push our emotions aside now that we've let each other in?'

Cold settled in his guts. She kept her eyes down, hiding herself from him and it terrified him. He kept his eyes upon her until eventually she lifted her head and met his gaze. She was afraid.

'Do you like being alone?'

'What?'

'Do you like being alone?'

'I … .' she dropped her eyes, avoiding him. 'It's easier.'

'Is it?'

'Yes,' she turned to look at the fish tank and blew out a breath, 'no.'

She pushed to her feet and slowly paced between the tank and the bed. She was organising her thoughts, so he gave her the time she needed.

'I've always kept myself apart, don't get me wrong, I've had a couple of relationships. None of them worked,' she scoffed and James immediately thought of Alenko. 'I wanted to let someone in, have someone I could turn to who wouldn't judge me because of who I am. I never found it so I stopped looking. I believed I was meant to be alone, that my fate was to die a heroic death with no-one left behind to grieve.' She stopped pacing and stared at him, 'then you came along.'

Their eyes locked and the room around them disappeared into a distant haze. She was the first to break the spell.

'I care about you, James,' her voice trembled as she began pacing again, 'more than I've ever cared about anyone. I don't know if I can send you out there and watch you die.' She stopped, her back to him as she stared into the empty fish tank.

His heart soared and broke at the same time. She cared and she was afraid. His feet had a mind of their own as they carried him across the room. He stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her and she leant into him. She was shaking.

'Maybe this is why the frat regs are in place,' she sighed as she placed her hand over his.

'Do you want to stop this?' He prayed to every deity that he could think of as he continued, 'do you want me to request a transfer?'

'No!' She spun in his arms, the whites of her eyes clearly visible.

'Then we'll make it work,' he brushed her hair off her face gently. 'I've managed so far.'

'But we hadn't done this,' she waved to the bed, 'before.'

'Not in real life at least,' he smirked as she smacked his chest. 'Look, Andy, I've cared about you for a long time and yeah it's hard to watch you go into battle, knowing that next bullet might end you. But I trust you, you're good at what you do. You have a great team behind you, who would definitely grieve for you by the way. You have to believe the same about me, that I am capable. We're both trained for this.'

His gaze flicked to the fish tank before coming back to her face. 'If you want to cool things, take some time, I get that. I can't say I like it but I get it.' He cupped her face and kissed her lightly, 'just know that I'm here, okay.'

She pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him, her head resting in the curve of his shoulder. He couldn't let this go, the need to profess his love overwhelmed him and he almost admitted it. She wasn't ready to hear it. Pushing her into something she wasn't sure of would be a mistake. He knew it and as much as it hurt he forced the emotions down into the depths of his heart where it smouldered but never died.

'Shepard,' EDI spoke from the ceiling and out of habit they separated. 'I apologise for the intrusion but both Liara and Dr Chakwas have requested to see you.' There was amusement in her voice as she added, 'Liara has been pacing outside your door for the last thirty minutes and is rather annoyed that I refused to announce her.'

'I'd better go,' James rubbed his hands down her arms, reluctant to leave and return to the professionalism required of them.

'No,' she took his hand and turned to face the door, 'EDI, let her in and let Chakwas know she can come up.'

'Shepard, I … .'

Liara stopped her hurried entrance at the sight of James standing behind Shepard, their bodies just touching, their joined hands hidden behind Shepard's thigh.

'Lieutenant, I didn't realise you were here.'

James almost shivered at the coldness in her tone and eyes. The warmth of Shepard's hand as she squeezed his was scorching in comparison.

'Something you need, Liara?'

The chill in Shepard's voice puzzled James. He'd always assumed the two were close but now he wasn't so sure, especially after hearing Garrus and Joker discussing LIara.

'I was worried about you, I came to make sure you are all right. Dr Chakwas told me you were off the roster and that's not like you.' She took another step into the room, her eyes flicking from James to Shepard.

Realisation dawned. She was in love with Shepard. James managed to control his surprise as Shepard tensed beside him.

'I'm fine, just exhausted and Chakwas suggested I get some sleep.'

James snorted a laugh and Shepard's mouth turned up at the corners.

'Okay, she forcibly suggested I get some sleep and ordered James to make sure I did.'

'I see.' Liara fiddled with her fingers, 'you do look much better. I was just concerned.'

'Thank you,' Shepard nodded, 'is there anything else?'

'I have some information on the colonies that sent out distress signals.'

'Good, we'll include that in the next briefing, which should be in about an hour.'

'Very well,' Liara bowed her head and with a last, hateful look at James she turned and left.

'Why do I get the feeling I've just been used?' James blew out a breath as Shepard looked up at him.

'Sorry about that,' she shrugged. 'Do you mind?'

'No, I told you, whatever you need, but is there something I should know.'

She opened her mouth to speak but the door opening made them both turn.

'Shepard,' Chakwas stopped at the top of the stairs, two mugs in hand, and looked them both over carefully. 'You look … , relaxed.' A knowing smile creased her face, the lines around her eyes deepening in genuine happiness.

James felt the heat as his cheeks burned but Shepard just laughed.

'Doctor, you are a dirty minded woman.'

'Whatever do you mean, Shepard, I was just talking about you getting some sleep.'

'Uh-huh.'

'I did bring you both coffee,' she handed them the mugs she was carrying, 'thought you might need them.' She was smirking as she brought up her omnitool.

James hid his embarrassment behind the steaming mug as Chakwas ran her scans on them both.

'Much better,' she put her tool away, 'if I have to order you both to get some sleep again I will not be happy.' She chastised them before pulling datapads from her pocket. 'I thought you might like to catch up before going back on duty.'

'Thanks, doc,' Shepard stepped forward and hugged her and from the surprise on her face James knew she hadn't expected it.

'You're welcome,' Chakwas rubbed Shepard's back gently. 'Now I have genuine patients to see.' Shepard stepped back, a questioning look on her face. 'Nothing serious, Campbell burned her hand while cooking this morning, she's just waiting for the medigel to heal it.' And with that she left.

'She is one formidable woman,' James commented around the hot coffee.

'Yes she is and a good friend.' Shepard ushered them to the sofa and laid the datapads on the coffee table. 'Guess rest time is over.'

'Roger that,' he picked up the closest datapad and started reading.

'Joker, briefing in one hour,' Shepard spoke to the ceiling.

'Aye, aye,' the com didn't click off but the silence was odd and they glanced at each other before looking at the ceiling.

'Joker?' Shepard frowned.

'Not that there's a bet or anything but,' he paused and Shepard sighed, 'I'm guessing we've got to the personal part.' His waggling eyebrows were obvious through the com.'

James couldn't help it. He burst into laughter. Shepard slapped him on the arm with a frustrated groan.

'Joker, go away,' she picked up a datapad, fighting a smile as James chuckled beside her. 'And you stop encouraging him.'

'Yes, ma'am,' James was still grinning as he went back to reading.

* * *

'Lieutenant.'

'Garrus.' James felt the turian's eyes upon him and looked up from the datapad he was reading. 'Something wrong?'

'No,' Garrus's mandibles flared, 'I'm guessing you and Shepard have sorted things out.' He tapped the side of his nose and James let out a soft laugh.

'Yeah, you could say that.'

'Where is she?'

'Talking to the salarian Councillor.'

'Really?' Garrus glanced towards the war room door.

'So, Mr Vega,' Steve and Traynor walked in, 'are you rested and recovered.'

'Not the words I'd use,' Joker chuckled as he followed them in and moved to the end of the table.

'Ooh,' Traynor rubbed her hands together in mock glee, 'I love juicy titbits. Not that they'd leave this room,' she looked around in horror, 'I'm not a tattle tale.'

'Don't worry, Specialist,' EDI spoke from the ceiling, 'we have Joker for that.' The pilot gaped then glared at the ceiling before taking his seat.

The doors at either end of the room opened at the same time. Shepard entered from the war room and Liara from the CIC. There was an uncomfortable pause as they reached the briefing area and a heavy tension followed them to the table. James wasn't the only one feeling it, everyone shifted in his or her seats.

'Okay,' Shepard began, 'Are there any missions outstanding that need to be dealt with immediately?'

'There's the Cerberus base on Noveria Hackett wanted us to clean up, but it's not marked as urgent.' James informed her, knowing she already knew that. He was always impressed at how she allowed the crew to feel needed and useful.

'Good, we need to get to the Citadel.'

'Something going on, Shepard?' Garrus asked.

'Seems Udina is up to no good, the salarian Councillor has suggested I get to the Citadel yesterday.'

'Is Udina ever up to anything good,' Joker scoffed.

'Always knew he was a slimy bastard,' James agreed.

'If the Councillor is worried we should be too,' Garrus pointed out.

'Agreed,' Shepard nodded and James could already see the tension returning, so much for rest and recovering. 'Liara, you had some information for me.'

'Yes,' the asari nodded and stood up. 'I have checked on the distress beacons like you asked and it seems several colonies were not rescued by either the Alliance or anyone else. There are notifications that a rescue was being sent but no corresponding reports of their whereabouts afterwards.'

'Cerberus,' Shepard dropped her hands onto the table and braced herself on rigid arms, anger rolled over them all. 'We need to know where those colonists are and why Cerberus wants them.'

'I'm looking but with com buoys disappearing it's getting difficult to get information.'

'Do what you can,' Shepard stood upright and rolled her shoulders. 'James, Garrus, you're with me on the Citadel. Full gear, I have a bad feeling about this. Dismissed.'

'What do you think Udina is up to?' Garrus asked as everyone left.

'I have no idea but I plan to find out,' Shepard led them from the briefing room. 'And if I have to I'll put a bullet in his head.'

'What about Kaidan?' Shepard stopped and looked at Garrus for clarification. 'He's a Spectre now. If the Councillors are in danger he will be responsible for their safety. He might not trust you. Can you trust him? Can you stop him if he gets in your way?'

James hadn't thought about that and it irked him that one of their own might be a threat. Especially someone Shepard had once loved. If it came down to it could she stand up to him? He liked to believe she would. He, however, had no such hesitation. If it was a choice between Shepard or Alenko he wouldn't think twice. He flicked a glance at Garrus as they continued walking and from the tightness of his mandibles knew the turian felt the same. There was a chance Shepard might never forgive them but they would deal with that if it meant she was alive.

'I guess we'll find out,' she shrugged as they stepped into the elevator. 'Let's hope it doesn't come to that.'


	42. Chapter 42

 

 

**** 42 ****

_Pendejo!_

His finger curled against the trigger of his shotgun. A growl beside him told him that Garrus was angry too, which made him feel slightly better. This wasn't entirely personal. His shotgun pointed to the floor but it wouldn't take much to raise it as his eyes never left Alenko. Shepard had indicated they should lower their weapons, but it wasn't an order. Garrus had taken the same liberty as James, his finger on the trigger, ready to move at the slightest hint that Alenko wasn't going to budge. He could almost hear Shepard's teeth grinding as she clenched her jaw, feel the white-knuckle grip on her rifle. She didn't need this.

'You've all been fooled.'

He heard the anger, the frustration and the disappointment in her voice. Seeing Bailey injured had stirred something inside her, brought forward determination and need for retribution. When Thane fell he saw that need become the monster inside her. As they fought their way to the Council she used it to take down Cerberus.

He was right beside her as she strode towards the enemy with hate in her eyes, every shot, every death, gave her satisfaction. She enjoyed the fight and if he was honest, so did he. It was personal to Shepard so that made it more so for him as he rode the rough swell of her emotions. There was no quarter given and when they finally reached the Council and closed the door behind them he was relieved to see she was a little calmer, still angry, but it had settled from a raging torrent to a rolling wave.

That was until they came face to face with Alenko. Now the pendejo was holding a gun to her face. His skin crawled, as if a thousand ants had wormed their way under his armour making James want to scratch. The sensation only increased at the sound of Udina's voice as he accused Shepard of being the one working for Cerberus. James almost laughed. If he understood just how much Shepard hated them he'd know just how much danger he was in. The confusion in Alenko's eyes worried James. Which way would he turn? Could he trust Shepard enough to believe her?

'I'd better not regret this.'

James finally relaxed as Alenko spun and turned towards Udina. _Wise choice._ Beside him Garrus let out a long breath. It was like watching a vid roll before his eyes as Udina knocked the asari Councillor to the ground, pulled a gun and Alenko shot him. So, the Major did have balls. Blood pooled around Udina's body as they spun to face a new threat from behind. The blown out breaths, the clicks as weapons released and the shuffling of feet into relaxed stances lightened the air around them as Bailey stepped through the door.

James leant against the safety barricade alongside Garrus as Shepard and Bailey reassured the Councillors that they were out of danger. He watched Alenko walk over to Udina's body, the Major's regret was clearly visible and James wondered if he'd blame Shepard for that too. As if reading his thoughts Shepard walked over and placed her hand on Alenko's arm.

'Kaidan, are you okay?'

James knew she was only concerned for a fellow soldier but that didn't stop his guts from twisting and his jaw from clenching.

'Yeah,' Alenko nodded, 'I'm good.'

She must have been satisfied because she turned to walk away. James straightened up and her eyes fell on him. The sadness in them floored him. But it was quickly gone as she pulled herself erect and came towards him.

'James, Garrus,' she stopped before them, 'C-Sec will probably need some help rounding up stragglers. Once that's done get back to the Normandy and make sure we're restocked and ready to leave.'

Garrus nodded and headed towards Bailey.

'Are you okay?' James moved a little closer and dropped his voice.

'Yeah,' she said, but James wasn't convinced. 'I'll help Bailey make sure the Council's safe. I'll see you back on the Normandy.'

'Shepard,' he went to reach for her arm but remembered where they were.

'I'm fine, James,' she gave him a weak smile and placed her hand on his chest plate.

He nodded once and she turned away. His eyes followed her as she re-joined the others but the feeling he was being watched made James turn his head. Alenko was staring at him, his brow creased, his head tilted and his lips a thin line as he glanced from James to Shepard. _You're too late, idiot, you had your chance._ James wanted to be smug, to rub it in, but he didn't. That could have been him. He simply dipped his head at Alenko and walked over to join Garrus.

An hour later he was back on the Normandy. Cerberus had simply vanished back into the hole they crawled out of. Bailey had asked both him and Garrus for a report so they'd done that, he'd had time for a shower and was thinking about food. It occurred to him that he hadn't seen Shepard for a while.

'EDI, where is Shepard?'

'Unknown.'

'What do you mean unknown?' He stopped dead and looked at the ceiling.

'She has not returned to the Normandy and she turned her omnitool off after visiting Thane at Huerta Memorial.' She paused and James knew bad news was coming. 'Thane died from his injuries.'

'Shit,' James was already heading for the elevator. 'Is there anywhere on the Citadel she'd go to be alone?'

'Not that we know of,' Joker informed him. 'EDI and Traynor are checking security footage trying to find her. All we know so far is that she took an air car from the hospital.'

James stepped into the CIC to find Traynor looking at him worriedly.

'Any luck?'

'Not yet, she wiped the air car's data files.'

'Of course she did.'

Traynor played with her fingers as she thought about something. 'EDI,' she glanced at the ceiling, 'can we track Shepard's necklace?'

James could have kissed her.

'Yes.' EDI said, her tone making James think she felt guilty for not thinking of it.

Traynor turned back to her console as numbers flowed across her screen. 'If we can just find the frequency … ,' she fiddled with her controls. 'Yes! I've found her.'

James did kiss her then, a big smacking kiss on her forehead, 'thank you.'

'You're welcome,' she laughed and sent the co-ordinates to his omnitool.

'You know she might not want to be found,' Joker warned him as he stepped towards the airlock.

'She doesn't want to be alone either, not really.' He paused long enough to grab a pistol from the bridge armoury cabinet, checked the clip to find armour piercing rounds and he strapped it to his hip as Joker watched in concern. 'Pays to be prepared around Shepard,' he shrugged.

'Good luck.' Joker's words followed him out onto the dock.

There were no air cars in the dock lot so he hurried to the elevator that would take him to the next level. An irrational fear washed over him and a very real sense of Shepard being in danger made his stomach burn and his heart race. He cursed the elevator's slow speed as he shifted from foot to foot until eventually the doors opened. There was one car left so he raced for it, pushing aside an asari who glowered at him. He didn't care.

The co-ordinates Traynor gave him were out on the ends of an arm, a long way from help. What the hell was she thinking, so far away and alone when Cerberus was still a threat. He tapped his fingers against his thigh and his heel bounced on the floor as the Citadel passed below him, a blur of blue and grey as he pushed the car to go faster. The car touched down several blocks away from where he needed to be. He was thankful he wasn't wearing full armour as he rushed through narrow passageways. It was a warehouse district of some kind, and it was deserted. Why had Shepard come to this particular spot?

The answer came as he dashed into an open area where a docking platform stretched out towards the centre of the Citadel. The entire place was visible from where he stood. The arm dropped away below him and swept inward, the platform seemed to be floating above everything. It stunned him for a moment as he took in the view, the arms overhead and around him, curling slightly inward towards the ends like protective fingers. He shook himself out of his stupor and looked towards the edge where Shepard should have been. She wasn't there.

Something caught his eye and he hurried forward to find Shepard's necklace on the ground. _Fuck!_ He opened up his com, his fingers wrapping around the necklace as if it could give him insight into her whereabouts.

'EDI, Shepard's not here. Her necklace has been removed.' He paced as he spoke, fighting down panic as he tried to think of a way to find her.

'I can attempt to find her but she will not like how I do it.'

'Do what you have to,' James was past worrying about how they found her, only that they did.

His omnitool popped up as he was dropping the necklace into his pocket. It showed four men in Cerberus armour, walking ahead of wherever the vision was coming from. The view moved, bounced and rolled as if whoever was holding the camera was drunk. It went dark for a moment then the image returned, something had passed over the lens. It happened again. Cold fingers scraped down his back and bile rose in his throat. A blink. He was seeing through Shepard's eyes.

The vision tilted and he realised it was her head that had moved. Her view was level with the waist of those in front so two targets dragging or carrying her. What had they done to her? It went dark for a moment but slowly the image returned. She was fighting off drowsiness. The bastards had drugged her. How they'd managed that was a question for later.

Her head lifted and James saw the name of a building before she managed a glimpse over her shoulder where two more Cerberus lackeys followed. She knew. He loved her more in that moment than he ever thought he could. She knew the only way they would find her was through her eyes and she trusted them to do it. She was putting her life in their hands.

'I know that building,' Garrus spoke into his ear. 'Across the platform and two blocks inward. There's a small shuttle platform just beyond it. You'd better hurry James.'

James was running before Garrus had finished. His heart raced as his heavy footfalls echoed back in the high, narrow passageway. He covered the first block in record time and his breath was coming hard and fast as he slowed. He needed to get there but the element of surprise counted. Quickly and quietly he moved forward, finally catching sight of his quarry as they neared the end of the buildings.

'Boss is going to be pleased with us.'

'I just want the reward he offered, couldn't care less about her.'

James' fury was growing with every step. He could see Shepard now, dragging her feet, her head dropped onto her chest, her shoulders pulled back as two troopers struggled to carry her between them. She was aware otherwise they would have carried her easily, she wasn't that heavy. He was running out of time. James could see the brightening that indicated open space and he assumed they had a shuttle waiting for them.

'Who would have expected Shepard to walk into our hands,' one was laughing.

'Yeah, guess we got lucky. Glad we knew about that necklace though. No-one will know where she is now.'

So not a planned capture. Damn Shepard for taking off. He shoved his anger aside, he'd deal with that later. Right now he had to figure out how to stop them. With a grin he pulled his knife from his boot and readied his pistol.

'Hey!' They all stopped and turned at James' yell. 'I think you should let the Commander go.'

'Fuck you!'

James laughed when the two at the rear rushed to take him on. He slid the knife between the front and back armour plates on one, finding the gap he knew was there, feeling the scrape on bone as it penetrated his chest. The other he shot through the neck, blinking as blood spurted across his face. Both men stumbled, one falling dead, the other struggling to breathe as James yanked his knife from his lung. He wasted no time, reaching out and snapping the trooper's neck before stepping over both of them in pursuit of Shepard.

The small group was disappearing around the corner of the building but he saw Shepard struggling to release her attacker's grip. She had her feet firmly planted but whatever they'd drugged her with was dragging her down. James cursed as two more troopers took cover and opened fire. He ducked into a doorway and waited. The instant the shots stopped he dashed forward, crash tackling one trooper and using his body for cover as the other one delivered a full clip into his companion.

James rolled out from under the dead weight with the trooper's assault rifle in his hands. A full clip later the second trooper was dead and James spun to find Shepard. He watched in horror as she was dragged towards a waiting shuttle. She struggled but the drugs were getting the better of her as the four remaining men held on to her arms and legs. With a roar James ran forward, shooting the two holding her arms, one through the shoulder and another through the knee joint of the armour. Both released their hold with a scream.

Shepard fell heavily onto the shuttle platform and the two remaining troopers dragged her by the feet as she blacked out. He was too far away. He was going to lose her. James rushed across the platform as the shuttle engines fired.

'Shepard!' He was almost there. He just needed her to wake up and struggle a little more.

A shot behind him made him flinch and the thought that he was going to have more troopers to fight urged him on. But they weren't after him. One of the troopers holding Shepard fell backwards and the other one dropped her leg in surprise. He didn't have time to figure it out as a bullet hit him hard through his visor. The two on the ground moaning about their injuries suddenly went quiet.

The shuttle pilot wasn't hanging around. Shepard was delicately balanced on the edge of the shuttle and as it lifted she began to fall. James moved faster than he ever thought possible as she dropped from the shuttle and into the gap between it and the platform. The fall was several storeys. It would kill her.

'No!' James dived and slid across the platform. He had one chance to catch her as she tumbled like a rag doll.

Time slowed. He watched her fall, his mind registering the burn on his skin as he slid across the smooth floor, but his eyes focussed on Shepard. He reached out, his arm feeling disconnected as if it belonged to someone else, his fingers so close to Shepard's hand he felt the heat as they passed. He missed her.

With a mighty lunge he stretched and grabbed her arm. Her weight and momentum pulled him forward, the edge of the platform digging into his ribs as his feet sought purchase on its surface. It was too smooth and he teetered on the edge. He hung on to Shepard's arm with every ounce of his strength. She hadn't looked up at him so he assumed she was still unconscious. Maybe it was better this way because he would never let go even if she was slowly dragging him to his death.

The balance shifted. The buildings below became stakes, impalement came closer as his hips reached the edge, the smooth floor now his enemy as his toes left drag marks. His boots lifted and the world tilted. They were going over and there was nothing he could do. His one regret was that he hadn't told her he loved her, now he'd never have the chance. He closed his eyes, tears burning for everything he wouldn't get to share with her, for the future they'd never have.

Strong hands gripped his ankles. His belt buckle caught on the platform edge as different hands pulled him backwards by his waistband. More hands reached down and grabbed Shepard's arm, releasing the tension in his shoulders as he was dragged to safety.

'Didn't think we'd let you die, did you?'

Garrus' flanged voice had never sounded so good. Together they pulled Shepard up. James lay on the dock and wrapped his arms around her, his shaking hands keeping a tight hold on her as he crushed her into his chest.

'You okay, Vega?' Steve crouched down and met his eyes.

James could only nod before burying his face in Shepard's hair. His anger was long gone, replaced by fear and relief. He was glad she hadn't seen how close they'd come, she'd blame herself for putting him in that position. If she'd been awake she would have sacrificed herself for him.

She stirred against him. Her head dropped back and she opened eyes that were cloudy and unfocussed but James could only see the beauty of them. The smile she tried to give him was dopey and he bit back a soft laugh as her nose crinkled in frustration.

'Jimmy, my hero,' it was muffled, as if she was speaking around her tongue. She swallowed hard and raised her hand, but the fingers that brushed his face held no strength. A tear escaped as she blinked and looked up at him. 'Don' wanna be lone anyyyymore.' She attempted to shake her head but only succeeded in having it roll back onto his shoulder

Her eyes slowly closed as James choked back tears. He doubted she'd remember it when she woke up but he knew deep down it was what she wanted.

'You'll never be alone, Lola.' He closed his eyes, pulled her back against him and rested his cheek on her head, 'never.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is still enjoying my little contribution to the Mass Effect fanfic collection. If you're interested in seeing what James and Shepard look like together you'll find a render on my DA page - http://fav.me/d8msos3
> 
> Thanks again for reading.


	43. Chapter 43

**** 43 ****

'Spirits Shepard! What were you thinking?'

James stepped into medbay to find Garrus pacing at the end of Shepard's bed. His talons clenching and unclenching, his footsteps heavy and his shoulders hunched as he passed backwards and forwards across the space. He flicked a glance at Shepard and continued his tirade. James stepped through the door, leant against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. He'd only been gone for a few minutes to take care of personal needs but apparently it was enough time for Garrus to work up a decent head of steam.

'You knew Cerberus was still on the station yet you went to one of the most isolated parts of it. That was stupid! What would have happened if James hadn't found you, if we hadn't got there in time?'

'Yeah, what he said,' Joker's voice added from the ceiling.

'Shepard that was not like you' Liara said her piece from the other side of the bed. 'You are not usually so ignorant of what's happening around you. You're always alert and on guard.'

James' gaze moved from Garrus to the ceiling to Liara and finally fell on Shepard. She refused to look at any of them. Her fingers played with the hem of the bed sheet, her eyes seemed to find it fascinating as they stared at it. There was no fight in her, she allowed them all to berate her without any response. That worried James immediately, especially when she didn't respond to Liara because he'd noticed she always got her back up around the asari.

He straightened and movement to his right caught his eyes as Chakwas stepped forward, glancing his way before moving towards Shepard's bed.

'All right, I think the Commander gets the message,' she glared at Garrus and Liara who dropped their eyes to the floor. 'I think we should give Shepard time to recover before we go burning her at the stake.'

Garrus turned to leave, he gave James a sheepish shrug as he passed him, Liara simply ignored him. James released a soft sigh and moved to Shepard's bed.

'Are you going to yell at me too?' She asked quietly.

'What? No,' James sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her fingers away from the sheet hem. He leant forward and dropped his voice to a soft whisper, 'I'm afraid of Doc, she's scary and I don't want her yelling at me.'

'So you should be,' Chakwas leant over the bed from where she'd been checking Shepard's vitals. She straightened up and spoke louder, 'I'm going to organise some food and once you've eaten you're free to go. Although I should keep you here simply for being stubborn and stupid.'

James waited until the doors closed behind the doctor before moving closer to Shepard and taking a firmer grip on her hands.

'Talk to me Andy.'

She sighed and dropped her head back against the pillow. There were no tears in her eyes just a sadness that made his heart ache.

'Garrus is right, it was stupid but … things just got to me. It was a bad day, Mordin, Bailey, Cerberus and that assassin, Kaidan, Udina, … Thane dying.' She closed her eyes and he waited for her to continue. 'I needed to get away, to be alone,' she scoffed and he allowed a soft smile to shape his lips as she looked at him. 'You're right, it's what I've always done.'

'You could have been alone here, in your cabin,' he pointed out.

'No, I couldn't, not really.' She shifted in the bed and he knew she wanted to be on her feet pacing as she pulled her thoughts together. 'When I'm on board there's this unspoken belief that I'm invincible, that I'm Commander Shepard and nothing fazes me. I couldn't let them see me as anything less.'

'I get that,' James nodded and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. 'But not all of us see you like that.'

'I know, but to get to my cabin I have to walk through CIC and I didn't have the strength to keep up the façade for the crew. Not today.' She dropped her eyes as if she was embarrassed to admit that she wasn't the perfect soldier everyone expected.

'You could have called me,' he dropped his head so he could meet her eyes.

'And say what, that I was an emotional wreck and needed a shoulder to cry on?'

'Yes, always, it's not like I haven't done it before.' He scowled at her and she seemed surprised. 'You don't seem to believe that I will be there for you.'

'But you were,' she squeezed his hands. 'If you hadn't found me who knows where I would have ended up and what they would have done to me.'

'How did they get to you?'

She snorted a laugh, 'I was so lost in thought I didn't hear them. So much for being the great all seeing and all-knowing Commander Shepard,' she shook her head. 'I thought it was the perfect place. I've been there before, it's secluded, quiet and barely used.

'I sat on the edge of the platform thinking about how I got to this point, how many lives I'd been responsible for sacrificing, how many friends I'd lost.' She sighed and looked around the room before continuing. 'How could someone I considered a friend hold a gun to my face? How could someone who killed for a living bring me to tears when he died? How do I go on, knowing the sacrifices I still have to make?'

She paused and James wanted so badly to take that burden from her shoulders. 'The first hint I had that I wasn't alone was when something stabbed me in the neck. I took out two troopers, pushed them over the edge of the platform before the drugs kicked in. All the others had to do was keep their distance until I couldn't stand anymore. Believe me I tried to take them down but I was seeing double and my legs gave out.'

James adjusted his hold on her hands, linking his fingers through hers gently and she wrapped her fingers around his.

'Doc said it was a very powerful sedative and she was surprised it didn't knock you out sooner, but your implants were removing it even as it was working. She cursed you all the time she was counteracting it, she actually contemplated leaving you knocked out.' He grimaced as he remembered his panic and Chakwas' professionalism. 'But I want to know how they knew about the necklace?' He felt her fingers clench around his and he dropped his gaze to her hands, 'its how we found you but they removed it.'

Fear must have shown on his face because she reached up and brushed his cheek gently. He turned his face into her hand and kissed her palm.

'I'm sorry,' her breath caught and he looked up to see moist eyes, 'I never meant to scare you.' She inhaled deeply, 'as for the necklace I don't know but I knew once they removed it I was at their mercy.'

Neither wanted to face the idea that someone had tipped Cerberus off but both knew it was something they had to figure out.

'I'm sorry, Andy,' James looked away. 'I'm sorry I allowed EDI to violate your eyes but if she hadn't we would never have found you.'

'James,' she waited until he met her eyes, 'you did what you had to do. You had no choice and I knew you'd figure that out. I believed in you. It's what I would have done.'

James couldn't hold back any longer. He moved forward and pulled her into his arms, needing to know she was safe and alive, needing to feel her warmth. As her arms went around him and she buried her face in his neck relief and pure joy drowned him and he struggled to breathe.

'Damn it, Andy, I thought I'd lost you today.'

'From what I hear I nearly lost you too,' she pulled back and locked her eyes on his. 'You should have let go.'

'Not going to happen.'

'James, I … .'

The door whooshed open as Chakwas entered carrying a warmer tray. She smiled as she walked towards them.

'I'll just leave this here,' she placed the tray on her desk, 'for when you're ready. I have a couple of things to attend to.' She was still smiling as she turned and left.

'I think she likes you,' Shepard grinned at James but he ignored the change of subject.

'Do you remember what you said?'

'About not wanting to be alone?' James nodded and she ran her thumb across his lips as she cupped his face. 'Yes.'

James kissed her. Their heaving chests and the need to breathe eventually forced them apart. His fingers laced through her hair and she raised dark eyes towards him.

'Did you mean it?'

'Yes,' she nodded and the world shifted around him. 'I don't want to be alone any more James, you opened my eyes to that and I'm sorry I made you wait so long.' A mischievous grin lifted her lips and James let out a sigh. 'Besides, I have so much to do another pair of hands will be useful.'

'Way to break my heart, Lola,' he shook his head with a laugh. 'But,' he reached for the tray and placed it on her lap, 'if you have so much to do we'd better get started.'

'You're a hard taskmaster, James Vega,' she was laughing as she lifted the lid. 'Seems there's some here for you too.'

James looked at the tray to find two plates and he suddenly realised that he hadn't eaten since coming back to the Normandy the first time. As he sat on the end of her bed and ate he hoped they'd have more meals together, preferably not in the medbay, maybe it was time to organise a real date. When they'd finished he carried the empty tray to the mess while Shepard dressed. A date was what they needed, at least one before things truly went to hell. He turned to see Shepard walk out of medbay and as he rushed to join her he knew he should do it soon.

* * *

'Dios, Lola,' James flopped onto a bench beside Shepard. 'Is it always like this?'

'Like what?'

'Running around everywhere, we haven't stopped since we left the Normandy.' James sucked on the drink he'd bought. 'Half of what we're doing could be done with messages or by someone else.'

'It could, but it's more personal this way,' she waved at the people passing by who barely gave them a glance. 'It might seem trivial but taking the time to personally talk to these people makes them notice us a bit more. The fact that Commander Shepard took the time to seek them out makes them feel a little more involved.'

'So the hours we've just spent running around delivering artifacts, solving arguments, signing autographs,' he nudged her shoulder and she rolled her eyes, 'it's all for the war effort.'

'Exactly.' She beamed and he chuckled.

'And I thought we only had to shoot things.' James dropped his head back and closed his eyes.

'If you've had enough you can always go back to the Normandy, take some shore leave like the rest of the crew. There's still time left.'

He loved how she cared for the crew, knowing some of them had family on the Citadel she had given everyone twelve hours shore leave. Those that didn't have family could help where needed or simply relax for a while.

'Not going to happen,' he turned his head and looked at her. 'I said I'd help and I will.' He pulled himself upright and leant forward. 'What's next?'

We'd better see if we can find the volus ambassador,' she frowned as she got to her feet, tossing their empty bottles into the recycler.

'Why would a volus get involved with Cerberus, I thought they were pro-human,' he stood and followed as she headed for the elevator.

'Cerberus use whatever resources they can get their hands on,' her nails dug into her palms as her knuckles turned white and James realised that anything to do with Cerberus became personal. 'Usually those resources don't last long.'

'Let's do this then.'

James was discovering that Shepard's life was a non-stop to do list. It was no wonder she was tired and emotionally drained. If he'd realised it sooner he would have stepped up to help but, being the stubborn woman she was, she hadn't said a word or asked for assistance. So far he'd watched her deliver last messages to loved ones, bolster morale with precious artifacts or other items, settle arguments and stop to talk to anyone who called her name. And that was just the first few hours. He knew they were nowhere near finished.

The only time she'd avoided someone was when reporters tried to catch up with her. They'd run a merry race through back alleys James didn't know existed to get away. She might be working for the war effort but that didn't go as far as talking to reporters. She did talk to Bailey though, genuinely concerned that he had reported back to work so soon after being shot. James couldn't help but smile as she tried and failed to convince Bailey to take a break. It seemed stubbornness was a common trait in those around Shepard.

They'd been to the Spectre Office, which both amazed and underwhelmed James, and discovered a few more things that needed doing so while the list shortened one way it lengthened in another. At this rate they'd be lucky to finish before they were due to leave.

An hour and a half later they were back on the docks, looking for a batarian terrorist after saving the volus, gaining a fleet and the location of a turian colony under threat. They'd also found Zaeed Massani, James took an instant liking to the grizzled merc, especially when he cheered up Shepard by telling her he'd been annoying Cerberus since they parted.

After the batarian blamed Shepard for killing his family, asked her to end his life which she refused to do, the exhaustion was starting to become obvious. Her steps were slower and heavier, the smile was gone from her face and he saw her rubbing her eyes when she thought he wasn't looking. James could understand that every little bit helped but surely there had to be someone else who could do some of it. Shepard wasn't the only Spectre and she wasn't the only Alliance commander. Yeah she was an icon of everything positive but she was a woman underneath all that who felt the pressure. He would make sure they took a break after Shepard had sorted out the medical supplies Chakwas had asked her to look into.

'Shepard,' James moved in as soon she was finished speaking to the turian responsible for Chakwas' dilemma.

She held up her hand as she listened to a doctor complaining about someone sabotaging the medi-gel dispensers and trying to recruit people for Cerberus. It was a magnet drawing her in and James knew they weren't leaving. They hurried towards the memorial wall where the recruiter was supposedly working but Shepard came to a sudden stop. James barrelled into her back, knocking her forward, but she didn't seem to notice. He followed her gaze to find a blonde haired man staring at her with eyes so wide James was afraid they were going to pop out.

'Oh fuck,' Shepard muttered.

'Shepard!' The blonde rushed towards them.

James stepped around her and put himself between them. The blonde came to a sudden halt and Shepard placed her hand on James' shoulder.

'It's okay, James,' she ran her other hand down his arm and her fingers lingered against his for a moment. 'Conrad,' she moved beside James, 'what are you doing here?'

James understood who this was. He remembered her telling him the tale of Conrad Verner, her biggest fan, but James wasn't impressed. The more Conrad spoke the less James liked him. The guy was an idiot, trying to convince everyone that he was working with Shepard and because she'd worked with Cerberus they should too. James wanted to punch him and his fingers curled as Shepard berated him for his stupidity.

Leaving Conrad to sulk they made short work of fixing the dispensers and returned to let the doctor know. A commotion outside immediately put James on edge and he was moving to see what was going on when a shot sounded. He had no time to cover Shepard as a body dived across in front of her and two C-Sec officers took care of the shooter. James was lost in confusion, his addled mind fighting to figure out what just happened.

'Conrad, are you okay,' James saw Shepard bend down and help the blonde to his feet.

'Yeah, it didn't even hurt.'

'You took a bullet for me,' Shepard was checking him over but couldn't find any injuries.

'He didn't actually,' a female voice made everyone turn.

'Jenna.' James wasn't the least bit surprised Shepard knew her by name.

'Hey, Shepard, you remember me,' the dark haired woman walked towards them. 'I sabotaged the gun so it didn't really fire,' she looked at Conrad, 'but you were very brave, taking that bullet for Commander Shepard.'

'The Commander and I go way back,' Conrad took her arm and they walked away as he started sprouting about how he knew Shepard.

'I think that's about all the weirdness I can take,' James moved beside Shepard, gripped her shoulders gently and looked her up and down. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' she placed her hands on his forearms.

'We're going for dinner,' James took her hand and led her off the docks. 'And I'm not taking no for an answer.'

'James, are you taking me on a date?' She tilted her head and grinned at him.

'Yes, I am, Lola,' he wrapped her arm through his and pulled her in close, not the least bit worried about who saw them. 'Right now.'

Shepard's grin widened and his lips turned up in response. He was just thankful she wasn't being stubborn. He wanted to take care of her and they both needed time to recover from what had been a very busy day, which he was sure wasn't over yet. A time out was what they needed and he was making sure they got it.


	44. Chapter 44

**** 44 ****

'A noodle bar,' Shepard studied the sign that advertised the best Earth noodles on the Citadel.

'I know how much you like your noodles.'

'I've been to most of the good places to eat on the Citadel but I didn't know about this one,' she dropped her eyes to the empty restaurant.

'It only opened a couple of months ago, you were otherwise engaged,' James took her hand and urged her through the door. 'I hear they're really good.'

'I'm trusting you James.'

'You can always trust me Lola.'

James hoped the reports were right because the last thing he wanted was a crappy first date. The place was out of the way, tucked into a corner on a lower ward, but that meant it was quiet and a little more private. A table against the wall in the back was the perfect place not to be noticed so that's where James ushered her. She rolled her eyes at him as he held out her chair but the soft smile she tried to hide was all the proof he needed that she appreciated the gesture.

The approaching waiter stumbled over his own feet and his eyes were saucers as he handed them menus. He rushed away and James watched him disappear into the kitchen. He picked up the menu, glancing up to see Shepard frowning.

'Something wrong?' He looked to his own menu but found nothing amiss.

'This menu just looks … .'

'Shepard!'

They both looked up to see a short, slightly rotund man rushing towards them.

'Charlie!'

Shepard was on her feet before James could reach down for his pistol and she rushed into the open arms of the man. James stood, his eyes narrowed as he watched them embrace but the happiness on Shepard's face put his mind at ease. This was someone special to her.

'James,' she waved him over, 'meet Charlie Su.'

James's eyebrows lifted as he stared at the man before him. If he had to guess James would say he had part Asian origins but his wide, round eyes were shining with absolute joy. He was no taller than Shepard but his confidence was evident as he held out his hand to James and shook his with unexpected strength.

'Charlie?'

'My mother hated Asian names,' Charlie held up his hands in surrender, 'not like I had a choice.'

'What are you doing here?' Shepard asked.

'Stan thought we should expand and the Citadel seemed like a good place, follow the Alliance and feed the troops. Not the best timing though.' He noticed James' puzzled stare, 'Stan, my brother.' James nodded and Shepard wrapped her arm around Charlie's shoulder.

'They make the best noodles,' she gave him a not too gentle squeeze. 'This has just become … wait.'

She motioned the waiter over and told him to open his omnitool. Once he was over his initial surprise and managed to control his shaking hands he nodded at her.

'I am Commander Shepard and Su's Noodle Bar is my favourite restaurant on the Citadel.'

'Really, Lola,' James was laughing as she raised her arms.

'Why not,' she looked to Charlie, his excited voice and beaming smile as he instructed his waiter on what to do with the footage made James think it was all worth it.

'Sit, sit,' Charlie ushered them back to their table. 'I'll have your food ready ASAP.'

'Where's Stan, is he here?' Shepard stretched to look past Charlie as she sat down.

'No,' the sudden softness in his voice and his downcast eyes made Shepard pause and James guessed what was coming. 'He's on Earth. I haven't heard from him since the Reapers arrived.'

'He was still in Rio though,' Charlie nodded and Shepard reached for his hand. 'I'm sure he's safe, the marines would do their best to save their favourite noodle chef.'

'I hope so,' he brightened and nodded. 'This noodle chef had better get cooking, can't have Commander Shepard going hungry.'

James watched him walk away before turning to Shepard, 'I can't believe you know the chef.'

'I've known Stan and Charlie since I first went to ICT.' She stared at the kitchen door before turning her bright eyes towards him. 'The first week I was there I was really starting to think I wasn't cut out for it. I was miserable. Stuck with assholes who thought they had every right to be there but hadn't done a thing to warrant their presence. I was ready to quit.'

'Really,' James' eyes widened and she grinned at him.

'Yeah, I wasn't always the big badass you know and love.'

James almost choked. _Shit! She knows!_

'I'd been on a binge after Elysium,' she continued and he swallowed in relief, it was just a figure of speech. 'I resented Anderson for sending me to the Villa, I just wanted to drown my sorrows.' She sighed and sat back. 'I walked into Stan's noodle bar, didn't even realise what it was at the time. I was in a foul mood but needed somewhere to hide from the idiots I bunked with. I stormed in and sat down. I think I terrified the waiter because Stan came out from the kitchen and served me himself.

'He brings out two huge bowls of seafood noodles and two cups of herbal tea, sits down across from me and starts eating.' The smile on her face was beautiful and James' breath caught in his throat. 'I didn't know what to do,' she laughed and shook her head. 'Here's this noodle chef sitting at my table eating as if I'm not there. He waved his chopsticks at me and indicated I should eat. I think I was too shocked to do anything else so I did.'

She closed her eyes and licked her lips, remembering, James wanted to reach over and allow his tongue the pleasure of tasting the memory she so loved.

'The moment those noodles hit my mouth I was in heaven,' she opened her eyes slowly, still lost in time. 'The spices and the seafood were amazing, I hadn't had flavours like that since my mum died. It was like coming home.' She focussed her shining eyes on him, 'I've loved them ever since.'

'And she's been our best customer ever since,' Charlie placed three large bowls of noodles on the table, placing smaller serving bowls before them. 'She even ordered take away and had them delivered by an Alliance shuttle.' Charlie laughed as she buried her head in her hands.

'Seriously?' James gaped at her.

'Yeah, I was stuck in Vancouver at HQ. Whenever I ended up on Earth I managed to get to Rio at least once for dinner, stayed there if I could. On that trip I wasn't going to make it but I knew a shuttle was bringing staff up from Rio so I organised for my noodles to be on it. The pilot personally delivered them to my door just so he could say he'd met me.'

'Can't say I blame him for that,' James chuckled, his mouth watering as the aroma of spices, beef, chicken and seafood wafted across his face. 'They certainly smell good.'

'James, of all the places on the Citadel you could have brought me you brought me here. You have no idea just how much this means to me.' Her eyes watered and she reached for his hand.

'I'm just happy you're happy,' he knew he had a cheesy grin on his face as he squeezed her fingers in his, but it didn't matter. He'd just given her a memory with him in it that she would treasure.

'Okay, Romeo,' she laughed at him, 'let's eat.'

'So,' James filled his bowl, eager to taste the delicacies that meant so much to her. 'How did Stan drag you out of your mood?'

'He just kept eating and so did I, but the more I ate the more I relaxed, the food was just so good. As I relaxed he started to smile, by the time we finished he was really happy, bobbing his head as I scraped the bowls clean. You'd think I hadn't eaten for a month. It was embarrassing really.'

She heaped noodles into her bowl, 'I started to apologise for being such a glutton but he stopped me and wouldn't even let me pay for them. He told me I'd brightened his day because his food had made me happy when I was so sad. I went back to base with a smile on my face. I pretty much ate there every day after that and those idiots were never quite the same either.'

James closed his mouth around his fork and knew instantly why she liked them. His mother had always used spices in their food, said it awoke the senses and stirred the heart. It evoked memories. He closed his eyes yet still saw his mother's fingers dip into the small bowls of red, green or yellow.  He was only tall enough for his nose to sit just above the level of the table and he breathed in the scent of chilli and pepper that made him sneeze and his mother laugh. Closing his eyes against the sorrow that came with thinking of her he was surprised to find that the memory wasn't as painful as he expected.

'You okay?'

Shepard's voice brought him back to the present and he breathed deeply, savouring the flavours and aromas that reminded him of home.

'Yeah,' he opened his eyes and met her concerned gaze. 'Just coming home.'

They spent nearly two hours over dinner, talking about little things, avoiding the war as Charlie sat with them, telling James about Shepard and some of her antics. Shepard of course denied it all but between the laughter and the friendly ribbing there was genuine affection. He'd hoped for time alone but to have her laughing, relaxed and happy was enough for him. Seeing her life through someone elses eyes was a bonus he wasn't going to refuse. Her relationship with Charlie reminded him of his uncle and the moments they shared stirring the shit out of each other. They were both a little disappointed when it came time to leave.

'It's nice to see you happy, Shepard,' Charlie gave her a hug as they stood in the doorway. 'He's obviously good for you.'

James felt heat rise as Shepard glanced at him and Charlie pulled him into a hug.

'Take good care of her,' Charlie whispered and James nodded.

The Citadel was surprisingly quiet as they wandered back to the Normandy, lost in each other and the wonderful memories they'd just shared and created. He had his arm around her shoulder and hers was around his waist, the heat against his side where she leant on him was scorching but he would happily deal with blisters. She dropped her head against his shoulder and he pulled her in closer.

They stepped onto the outer edge of the Commons taking their time as they walked between trees and eventually reached the lake. James knew they should be more alert, more careful but somehow it didn't matter. Their relationship had taken another step forward, he was very aware of how right it felt, to be beside her, to have her in his arms. They stopped by the water and she turned towards him.

Her eyes hypnotised him. He noticed tiny flecks of gold among the brown, shining like beacons, pulling him in. Her tongue slid between her slightly parted lips and he felt the stirrings of arousal as she moistened their surface, making them shine and he needed to taste them. He cupped her face as her hands slid around his neck, slowly claiming her mouth with his own.

It was a languid, passionate kiss. The relaxed tasting of each other matched the gentle touch of her hands on his neck, his hands on her face. It was soft and delicate yet James felt moisture building behind his closed eyelids. His slow withdrawal gave him time to pull his beating heart under control, take in air that his body craved. He opened his eyes to find moist brown eyes drinking him in, her pupils large making her eyes darker, her cheeks flushed.

'I love you, Andy.'

She blinked away tears. He hadn't meant to say it, hadn't planned to say it but the power of what he felt for her overwhelmed him, she was his world. He spun in a vortex of desires and needs he'd never felt before, out of control and flailing as he fell into her. There was nowhere else for him to go because if he didn't have her he had nothing. He didn't regret telling her but he was afraid it was too soon. She raised her hand to his face, wiping away an errant tear from his cheek.

'I love you, James.'

He sucked in a breath, his chest aching as he crushed her into it. Wetness against his neck made him pull back and he wiped away her tears. His lips found hers but this time the kiss was harder, more demanding. He held nothing back, allowed everything he felt to flow through his lips and tongue. She moaned as he pulled her so tight against him their bodies were one.

The sound of his heart beating in his ears matched the feel of her pulse beneath his fingers as they rested on her neck. The salt of their tears mingled as their kiss slowly ended, as their foreheads rested against each other.

'You love me?' James was finding it hard to believe that someone like her could love him. It was what he'd hoped for but to have it made real … it was unexpected. 'Really?'

'Yes,' she nodded and smiled as she ran her fingers down his jaw. 'I think I have for some time.'

James laughed, picked her up and spun them around. 'Shit, Lola, I thought I'd ruined it, that I'd drive you away.' He stopped spinning and put her down gently, meeting her eyes as she laughed softly. 'I've wanted to tell you for so long.'

'I guessed as much,' she placed her hands on his chest. 'There were times when you looked at me and I could feel it.'

'This is serious then,' he waved his finger between them and she caught it in her hand, kissing it softly and holding his hand against her chest.

'No,' she rolled her eyes, 'I just said it for the fun of it.' James felt the colour drain from his cheeks. 'Of course it's serious, I think that was pretty obvious when we ... .' Her cheeks turned pink and she dropped her eyes.

'Lola, you just made me the happiest man alive,' he wrapped her in his arms and buried his face in her hair.

'I think we should get back to the Normandy,' she stepped back but her hands stayed on his arms. 'We still have a few hours of shore leave.'

'You have something in mind,' his voice dropped as he spoke into her ear and she shivered.

'I'm sure I'll think of something,' she ran her nails down his arm and he gasped.

The Citadel may as well not have existed because James would swear he was walking on the nebulous clouds that surrounded it. As they approached the Alliance docks and the Normandy they dropped their arms and walked side by side, still touching and closer than was probably allowed, but not like lovers at least. James was sure it was obvious though if the glances flicked their way were any indication.

They reached the dock, both grinning like teenagers about to disobey the rules, which they were if he had anything to say. Their pace increased, both eager to be alone, to have time to discover this new side to their relationship. James was thankful when the door whooshed open, they were almost there.

'Kaidan.'

James looked up to see Major Alenko staring at them, his forehead furrowed and his lips narrowed. He felt Shepard's hand brush against his but it was quickly gone.

'Shepard,' Alenko looked from one to the other. 'Can I speak to you?'

'Of course, always,' she met James' eyes but there was no emotion there. 'James, I'll see you on board.'

'You sure Lola,' he glanced at Alenko who tilted his head and pursed his lips even tighter.

'Yes,' she nodded and gently pushed him towards the door.

'Lola?' James heard Alenko ask as he stepped into the airlock.

'James gives everyone nicknames.'

The door closed between them. James growled and went to punch the wall but thought better of it. She'd told him she loved him that meant he had no cause to worry. But she'd called Alenko by his first name, and not in the cold, strict fashion of a commander. There had been warmth in her voice, and that bothered him. Maybe she still had feelings for Alenko. Maybe she only told him she loved him because she felt she had to or because she was caught up in the emotion of seeing someone from her past. Whatever euphoria he'd felt minutes earlier dissipated like smoke on the wind. His world was crumbling and he didn't know how to stop it.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter because I've made a slight change to canon - isn't that what fanfic is all about ;p Explanation at the end - spoiler alert for Paragon Lost if you don't want to read it - the explanation that is.

**** 45 ****

James stepped through the airlock and turned towards the CIC, changed his mind and spun towards the bridge. He stared at nothing in particular, took a hesitant step forward before spinning on his heel and moving back towards the CIC. The bridge door opened and he was about to step through.

'You okay, Vega?'

James turned to see Joker staring at him from under his cap, his lips curled up in a half smile. Damn pilot knew he was torn and James smirked as he stepped towards him.

'Just great.'

'You seem a bit confused.' Joker's smile widened and James resisted the urge to wipe it off his face. 'Don't suppose it has anything to do with Alenko being outside.'

James glanced up at the screens to see Shepard and Alenko talking. Shepard stood with her hip cocked and her arms folded, there was no emotion on her face. Alenko, however, was pacing and waving his hands, concern was obvious even through the camera.

'I'm gathering the little green monster has its claws in deep,' Joker chuckled pulling James' eyes back to him.

'What? I'm not jealous,' James wished he sounded more convincing. _Jealous?_ Yeah, he supposed he was. Did he have a reason to be?

'Should I turn up the volume?'

'No!' As much as he wanted to hear what was being said he respected Shepard too much to go behind her back, although he was surprised Joker had the volume muted.

Joker laughed and looked up at the screen where Shepard was shaking Alenko's hand. The Major picked up a bag from the floor and James scowled as they turned towards the airlock. Shepard stopped as her omnitool lit up and she checked the message. The disappointment on her face was clear for James to see and he knew their time alone would have to wait.

'James,' she glanced up at the camera as she spoke into his ear, 'I'm sorry. Hackett just reminded me I need to see Dr Bryson before we leave.'

'You want me to come with?' James was already turning to leave.

'No, I shouldn't be long. Can you please make sure the Normandy is ready to leave and find Kaidan a billet?' Even through the feed he could see the pleading in her eyes.

'Will do, Lola,' he smiled as her shoulders dropped and she visibly relaxed.

'We'll talk when I get back, okay.'

'Roger that,' he dropped his voice and cupped his hand against his face hoping to stop his words from carrying. 'Is that all we'll do?'

'I think we might need to have a personal debrief in my quarters,' she purred and James grinned as a pleasant shiver ran down his back.

'You'd better get that sexy ass moving then Lola.' He looked up at the screen to see her smiling, 'be careful and hurry back.'

He watched her walk out onto the dock as Alenko walked into the airlock. Joker was chuckling and James raised his eyebrows as he looked down at him.

'You know that doesn't work when I'm on the same com frequency,' he waved to James' hand that was still against his face.

James felt the colour flood his cheeks as the airlock cycled open. 'Aren't you supposed to be on shore leave.'

'I went ashore, even saw a movie with EDI, behaved like everyone else on the Citadel who are completely ignoring the Reaper threat.' Joker's smile turned to a grimace as he adjusted his cap. 'Had some stuff to check so here we are.' He looked past James who turned and followed his gaze. 'Kaidan, you're back, and standing upright.'

'Joker, lieutenant,' Kaidan stepped towards them, his eyes taking in the bridge before dropping to look at the pilot. 'It's good to be back.'

The relief and happiness in his voice was clear and James understood the feelings that stepping onto the Normandy aroused. He also imagined it was a little painful after everything that had happened between him and Shepard. He wasn't sure he would be so eager to come back if he'd walked away from Shepard, caused her pain and heartache. Alenko was obviously a brave man. _Maybe he was hopeful too._ James clamped down the thought.

'I'm glad you're okay,' Joker grinned and spun his chair forward. 'I wouldn't go pointing any more guns at Shepard though, might not work out so well next time.'

'Yeah,' Alenko shook his head, 'we all have things we regret.'

'Major,' James broke in, 'Shepard asked me to find you a billet so we should probably do that, sir.'

'Of course.'

James led the way through CIC, he might not be happy about having Alenko back on board but if there was one thing he could do it was be professional. Shepard was counting on him and he did not intend to let her down because he was jealous. He shook his head and stopped beside Traynor. He was starting to think the crew of the Normandy didn't know what shore leave meant.

'Traynor, why are you here?'

'I was running some diagnostics with EDI,' she held up her hand as he went to speak. 'I went ashore, did some shopping, had lunch with Westmoreland.'

'Good,' James nodded. 'Seeing as how you're here, Major Alenko needs a billet. I thought we might put him in Starboard obs so can you organise for a bed to be brought up.'

'I can bunk with the crew or use a sleeper pod,' Kaidan suggested, his eyes moving between them. James could only guess at how he felt, coming back to a different Normandy and her crew who were already familiar with each other.

'That's not really appropriate for an officer,' James pointed out, 'besides, it's easier on the crew if they don't have a superior bunking in with them.'

'Point taken.'

'It's no trouble, sir,' Traynor said, glancing from James to Kaidan. 'I've already sent Adams a message and he says it will be about thirty minutes to set up the room. You will have to use the crew facilities though I'm afraid.'

'That's not a problem,' Kaidan smiled. 'Thank you for your effort …, Traynor is it?'

'Coms Specialist Samantha Traynor,' she held out her hand, then thought about it and went to salute.

'It's nice to meet you, Specialist,' Kaidan chuckled, took her hand and gave it a gentle shake.

James could see why women would be attracted to the biotic. His good looks, warm eyes and pleasant nature would draw women in, probably his voice too. It was lucky for him the Major didn't know how to keep them.

'LT, maybe you can show me around, I didn't get to see much of the _new_ Normandy the last time I was here.'

Brown eyes turned to him, a slight crinkling at the edges and James had the distinct feeling he was being weighed and measured. Was that a dig at him too, reminding him that Alenko had been on the SR-1. _Pendejo!_ _Don't bite – be professional._

'Yes, sir,' James motioned towards the elevator. 'We should probably start in medbay, I'm sure Dr Chakwas will want to check you out and I doubt she took shore leave either.' James glanced at Traynor who chuckled.

They were stepping towards the elevator when the doors opened and EDI stepped out. Alenko suddenly glowed blue and drew his pistol. Colour drained from his face and there was tremor in his grip. _Fuck!_ He hadn't thought to warn him.

'Woah!' James stepped between them. 'Major, it's okay. It's only EDI.'

It took a moment for his words to register and for Kaidan to lower his pistol. James stood his ground until he was sure it was safe to move.

'EDI?' Kaidan cleared his throat and swallowed hard.

'I am the Normandy's AI. Major Alenko, I apologise for causing you distress. Had I known you were here I would have waited until this platform had been explained before approaching.' EDI made sure to keep a relaxed stance with her arms by her side.

James knew she was aware of Alenko coming on board and exactly where he would be, she was the ship's AI, she knew everything that went on inside the ship. Her attempts to fit in, to be more human, were getting better as she placated him. There was no doubt Alenko, being the tech head that he was, would realise the same thing once he was thinking straight. For now though a crisis was averted.

'I'm sorry,' Kaidan holstered his weapon and relaxed his stance. 'I was just surprised.'

'I understand,' she nodded and James almost gasped when she smiled. 'This platform in its previous incarnation was trying to kill you but I assure you, it no longer possesses that desire. If you will excuse me I will join Joker on the bridge.'

James moved aside as Kaidan took two steps back, away from EDI. There was still some fence mending needed there and James made a mental note to mention it to Shepard. He watched Kaidan's eyes follow her through the CIC.

'Shepard allows an AI free reign,' his eyes narrowed and James could see he was doubting her.

'EDI's okay,' James kept his voice neutral even though he wanted to yell at him.  What was it with Alenko and mistrust? 'She saved Shepard and the crew and she's been a big help.

'Maybe, and I'm sure Joker loves that platform,' Kaidan mused as EDI disappeared behind the bridge doors.

'You have no idea,' James grunted a laugh and turned back towards the elevator. 'If you'll follow me, sir.'

'I don't remember Shepard's ship being so formal,' Kaidan stepped into the elevator with him, his lips lifted in a half smile and his eyes shone with amusement. 'So, you haven't thought of a nickname for me yet.'

James could think of lots of names for him but he wasn't going to say them aloud. 'Give me time,' he flicked a glance sideways.

Kaidan looked across at him, 'how are you finding the Normandy?'

'She's amazing,' James couldn't stop the smile that formed. 'She's sleek, sexy, powerful, a definite head turner.'

'We are still talking about the ship, right?'

'What?' James lost his smile but Kaidan chuckled as realisation made him stare at the Major with wide eyes. He could feel his cheeks burning and he was glad when the elevator doors opened. 'This way, sir.'

'Enough with the sir,' Kaidan shook his head. 'Alenko will do. I know you don't call Shepard by her rank so it's not necessary with me either unless protocol demands it.'

'Okay.'

James led the way to medbay, a little surprised that he didn't feel as much animosity towards Alenko as he thought he would. He had nothing against the man personally. He'd fought beside him on Earth, knew what he was capable of and he had to respect him for that. It didn't stop the tightness in his guts or the fear in his heart though. Now that the Major was back did he intend to try to win Shepard's heart again?

_She told you she loves you idiot. Yeah, but did she really mean it?_ He was concerned he might be going nuts as his thoughts wandered. The medbay door opening helped him focus and he knew he had to ignore his emotions, at least for now.

'Doc,' he stepped into the room, not the least bit surprised to find Chakwas at her desk, 'I have a new crew member for you to check over.'

'Kaidan,' Chakwas smiled, walked over and gave the biotic a hug. 'It's good to see you looking well. It was a close call.'

'Yeah, thanks for checking on me,' he was completely at ease and James felt an unpleasant burning in his stomach.

'Lieutenant, Admiral Hackett is asking for you on the QEC,' EDI's voice spoke from the ceiling.

'Roger that,' James looked at Alenko but it was Chakwas who spoke.

'Go, I'll make sure Kaidan knows where everything is.'

'Thanks, doc. Adams is setting up starboard obs for him.'

James left to the sound of Chakwas ordering Alenko to remove his shirt.

'EDI, can you let the admiral know I'm here please,' James stepped up to the QEC and it flickered to life.

'Lieutenant,' Hackett came into view.

'Sir,' he snapped off a salute and stood to attention. 'Commander Shepard isn't here right now. Can I do something for you?'

'Relax, Vega,' Hackett chuckled and James settled into parade rest. 'I wanted to see you. I have news for you.' He paused as someone off screen handed him a datapad. 'As of now your position as the Normandy's XO is official, it also comes with a promotion.'

'Sir?' James gaped at him, realised it and closed his mouth quickly.

'Your new rank of Lieutenant Commander and position of XO leaves no doubt about the chain of command.' The Admiral stared at him for a moment, 'is that understood?'

'Yes, sir,' James nodded.

He understood completely and knew that Shepard had organised his new posting. By making James' position official and including a promotion it solidified the chain, making it clear to all concerned that he had the right to take command in the event Shepard was unavailable. Seems he wasn't the only one worried about Alenko being back on board but for completely different reasons.

'Shepard will be promoted to Captain but for now we're keeping that quiet. We need her as Commander Shepard so others will follow without question.' Hackett paused for a moment and James tried not to fidget under his gaze. 'I have something else,' he fiddled with something James couldn't see and his omnitool alerted him to a message. 'Think about it, discuss it with Shepard if you want to, but I think you should seriously consider accepting the offer. Hackett out.'

James waited until the QEC faded before lifting his arm and reading the message. His jaw dropped and for a moment he was sure someone was playing a joke on him. He double checked the sender, it definitely came from Hackett, re-read the message and dropped his arm. He ran his hands through his hair, his eyes flitted around the room and he leant on the console because he was sure he was going to faint. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before pushing himself erect and leaving the room. Discussing it with Shepard was never in question, she was the only other person on board he could ask about it.

'Joker, how are we doing?' He walked onto the bridge more confident and surer than ever as he stood behind Joker's chair.

'Stocks are being brought on board,' he brought up the feed from the cargo bay where Steve was overseeing the loading. 'Adams is happy with everything, doc's meds have arrived and the crew still have a couple of hours shore leave left.'

'Is Shepard back yet?'

'No, there was an incident at Bryson's lab. She asked EDI to go and help her sort through some stuff.' The pilot glanced at something that popped up on his screen and spun his chair so fast James had to jump out of the way. 'Don't expect me to stand up and salute you,' he was grinning and James realised the ship's crew manifest must have been updated.

'Nah, I'd hate to force you out of that chair,' James shook his head with a laugh. 'Is Shepard okay or does she need back up?

'Congrats, does this mean I don't have to deal with the crew any more, I'm not a people person.' He held out his hand and James shook it gently.

'Thanks and I guess you're off the hook. You sure about Shepard?'

'It's only tech stuff so EDI can handle it.'

'Okay, but maybe we should check, just in case.'

'Fine,' Joker spun his chair with a roll of his eyes. 'Hey Commander, XO Vega wants to know if you need help.'

'No, we're on our way back,' there was a chuckle on the other end. 'I assume Hackett has been in touch.'

'Yeah.' Joker glanced up at James but spoke to Shepard, 'so, drinks to celebrate before we leave?'

'Might have to do that later. We'll be there in five.' The com clicked off.

'So Alenko is back,' Joker turned his chair back towards him and tapped his fingers on the arms of his chair as he looked up at James.

'Yeah,' he dropped into the navigator's chair, let out a loud sigh, and dropped his eyes to the floor.

'You know you've nothing to be worried about, right?'

'I hope not. I know Lola's not interested but I don't know about him.'

The sound of the airlock opening made them both look towards the inner door. James watched as Shepard stepped aboard, her eyes instinctively checking out the ship. As they landed on him they instantly warmed, the cold commander disappeared and the softness in her gaze made his heart beat faster. Her lips lifted and the tension she'd been holding vanished.

'See,' Joker scoffed, 'nothing to worry about.'

'You were worried?' She looked from Joker to him and he could have killed the pilot.

'Nah, knew you'd be okay,' he glanced at Joker who chuckled. 'Have you got a minute though, I'd like to talk to you about something.'

'Sure,' she smiled and he couldn't stop the butterflies from taking flight. 'Joker, set a course for Eden Prime as soon as everyone is back and loading is complete. James, we can talk in my quarters.' James nodded and they turned towards the CIC.

'Have fun with that personal debrief,' Joker laughed after them but he was ignored.

Once or twice their hands brushed and he could see she was fighting the urge to grin. The moment the elevator doors closed and the car started to rise she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck.

'I missed you.'

She kissed him and he wound his arms around her waist. As they stumbled through the door to her quarters, their lips only breaking contact to remove shirts, James was starting to believe that Joker was right. He had no reason to worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the slight change - James promotion. I'm trying to bring it into line with Paragon Lost *spoiler incoming* where he is promoted to Lieutenant Commander and is N7 at the end, whereas in game he's only listed as a Lieutenant and receives his invitation to ICT. The mismatch bugged me so for now I've fixed the rank part. I also felt that Shepard should have been promoted to Captain but needed to keep the title Commander for morale. Hope you approve and still enjoy.
> 
> Thanks for reading, following, leaving kudos and commenting, it makes me feel good knowing others enjoy what I'm writing. ;p I have made some cover art? If you want to see the image you'll find it here - http://juleshawke.deviantart.com/art/Listen-to-my-heart-522019443


	46. Chapter 46

**** 46 ****

'Should I be worried about Alenko?'

Shepard moved her head so she could see his eyes but she stayed curled up against him, secure in his arms. Her thigh rested on his as their legs wrapped around each other, her warmth down his side the most comforting thing he'd ever felt. He hated spoiling the moment but he needed to know.

'Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?'

'No, there's something else,' he kissed her lightly and ran his hand down her arm.

Her eyes raked his face for a moment before they widened and her lips curled up.

'You're jealous,' she broke into a full grin and James scrunched his eyes closed.

'No,' he muttered, opened his eyes and met hers, 'maybe … , yes.' He pulled her closer and she wrapped her arm around his chest.

'You know, I've never had anyone jealous before,' she kissed his chest with a soft laugh. 'It feels nice.'

'Nice,' he pulled back, 'I'm worried and it's nice?'

'No,' she laughed and placed her hand on his cheek. 'Not that part, the bit where you care enough to be worried. All my other relationships were never long enough to develop that kind of connection.' She grinned and he couldn't help but grin back. 'I love you James Vega, you have nothing to worry about.'

'I'm sorry Andy,' he rolled them over so he was looking down at her. 'I've never been in a relationship where I cared enough to feel threatened.'

'Then I guess this is new to both of us,' she pulled him down for a kiss and the stirrings of arousal made him groan as her tongue danced across his lips.

'But what about him, is he going to try and rekindle things?'

'Uhh!' She pushed him backwards, straddled his hips and pounded his chest gently with her fists. 'Stop!'

James grabbed her wrists and pulled her down onto his chest. Her breasts rubbed against him as he held her arms alongside his neck and kissed his way down her throat.

'I. Love. You.' He said between kisses.

'Then stop worrying,' she was suddenly serious and her brown eyes were dark as she looked into his. 'Kaidan will never be anything but a friend, no matter what he wants. If he can't accept that he can leave.' Her hands rested on either side of his face and he loved the softness of her skin on his. 'That's all.'

He laughed as she peppered kisses across his nose, 'okay, I can live with that.'

She slid off him and curled up under his arm, he was sure she'd hear his racing heart as she rested her head on his chest. Having her naked beside him was his fantasy come to life and he couldn't help but be aroused and excited. He kissed the top of her head and she giggled, something so uncommander like he couldn't help but smile, before kissing the nipple that sat under her chin.

'Keep that up and we'll never get out of this bed,' her hair brushed his nose as his breath disturbed it.

'Sounds okay to me,' she ran her hand down his abdomen but stopped where the sheet just covered his hips. Her fingers drew circles and he squirmed as it raised goosebumps. 'Are you ticklish Vega?' She made the circles bigger and deliberately made her touch lighter.

'No, I'm not,' he rolled them over and dropped his hand to her waist where he proceeded to tickle and she wriggled under him, the musical tones of her laughter making his heart flip. 'But you are.'

'Stop.' She managed to get out between gasps as he held her down and tortured her with his fingers. 'All right, I am.'

He was laughing as he let go and looked down at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes shone and her lips curled up in laughter. This was _her_. This was the woman he'd seen underneath the persona she kept up for everyone else. She was relaxed in his arms, totally open to him, She was stunning and breathing became impossible.

'You okay, James,' she looked at him through worried eyes.

'You are beautiful.' He cupped her face as she sucked in a breath. 'I love you, bella.'

His lips found hers as he pulled her against him. She wrapped herself around him, completely moulding herself to his body as her leg moved over his hip, opening her wet warmth to him. James was instantly hard and moaned as she took him in and held him there. She dropped her head back, her lips parted and eyes closed as she gasped and gripped his shoulders. He watched her face as he slowly moved inside her, as she urged him on, as she came, as she bit her bottom lip, as she gasped for breath and the beauty of it sent him over the edge.

He closed his eyes and buried his face in her neck, fighting back tears as joy and love washed over him. He would never have believed that it could be like this, so perfect, so all consuming. He understood now what true love was and he never wanted to lose it. He raised his head to find tears rolling down her cheeks and the instant her eyes met his he knew she felt it too. She was crying, smiling, and caressing his face and he wanted to stay in the moment forever.

'I never knew it could be like this,' she vocalised his thoughts and he smiled.

'You reading my mind now?'

Her laughter danced around him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him, not wanting to break contact: ever. She snuggled against his chest and for a while they simply lay together in silence, enjoying the slowly waning afterglow of their passion. She was the first to move, tilting her head so she could see his face.

'You had something you wanted to talk about,' she grinned and mischief danced in her eyes, 'other than Alenko.'

'Yeah,' he moved so they were facing each other. 'Thank you for the promotion by the way.'

'You earned it.'

'I won't let you down but don't think it's going to stop me going on missions.' He tried to be stern but her bright eyes and grin made him anything but.

'I like having you on my six,' her grin widened as he laughed and ran his hand over her ass.

'I like being on your six too.' He kissed her nose and forced himself to be serious. 'Hackett gave me something else when I was talking to him. An invitation to ICT, the N program.'

'And?'

'And I don't know if I deserve it, if I should accept it.'

James,' she lifted her body up onto her elbow so she was looking down at him, 'they don't give these out lightly. You have to be recommended in most cases by at least two other Ns.' She frowned at him, 'why don't you deserve it.?'

He sighed and sat up. He rested his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. He felt her move but she remained lying down, watching him, waiting for him to gather his thoughts.

'I failed my mission, got people killed. How does that make me N material?'

He tried to brush away the guilt but it took the opportunity to grab hold and dig in. It was something he hadn't thought about for a while and it was taking advantage.

'You mentioned that before.'

She sat up, crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knees, oblivious to the fact that her breasts were exposed and James had to force himself to look away.

'Can you tell me about it.?'

'Fehl Prime,' he focussed his gaze on the sheet between his knees and proceeded to pour out his failings. 'I was left in command when Captain Toni was captured. I left innocent civilians to die on that collector ship and saved one person for intel instead. It became worthless when you took down the Collector base. I killed all those people for nothing, sacrificed their lives. Men, women and children … .' his breath hitched as he thought of April and his eyes burned, he paused to pull his emotions under control. 'They died thinking I was coming for them.'

'Someone in particular?'

'A young girl, April,' he dropped his head, 'she trusted me, believed in me and I let her down. I let them all down.'

His hands trembled as he pictured her saluting him, looking out from his shoulders. Warm arms wrapped around him and a soft body curled against his back. Hair brushed his neck as she lay her head against his spine.

'I'm sorry James.'

He placed his hands over hers. 'It's why I resented you when we first met. I blamed you for my intel becoming worthless, for my guilt. But I was wrong, you didn't know. You didn't even know I existed.' He turned so he could hold her, pulling her onto his lap, accepting the comfort she offered. 'I made the decision, I killed them,' he scoffed, 'and got a medal for it.'

'It feels wrong doesn't it?'

'Hell yeah!' He grunted and she tightened her grip around him.

'It's why they invited you.' She leaned back and he could see the concern in her eyes. 'There isn't an N7 who hasn't had to sacrifice someone, make decisions about other people's lives.' She ran her fingers down his jaw, 'it's because you're still here, still fighting for those people. You didn't run, not permanently,' she added when he glanced at her. 'You stayed and you feel that guilt. It makes you a better soldier, you understand what it takes to save lives because you've lived through the pain of loss.'

'So you've had to sacrifice?'

'Yeah, more than once. Ashley on Virmire, before that there was a colony I had to leave to batarian raiders, I lost people on Elysium because I couldn't be in two places at once. I had to choose between saving a few or saving many.' She sat back and looked at him, 'it's never easy but it's what we do.'

They sat quietly for a moment before James sighed and brushed his fingers through her hair. 'Should I do it?'

'Only you can decide that,' she met his eyes, 'but I wouldn't have recommended you if I didn't think you could.'

'You … .' He could feel his eyes almost popping.

She nodded, 'Hackett seconded.'

James gaped at her, closed his mouth and his eyes before taking her hands in his.

'You have that much faith in me?' He opened his eyes and looked at her, wanting to see the honesty in her eyes.

'Yes, I do.' There was no hesitation and she smiled softly, 'you don't have to decide now, think on it. It's not like you'll be rushing back to Rio tomorrow. Hell there might not be an N program when this is all over.'

'Okay,' he nodded and pulled her in close.

'Commander, sorry to interrupt but we're ready to leave.'

'Roger that, Joker,' she sighed and James felt her tense. 'Get us underway for Eden Prime. Briefing in one hour.'

'Aye, aye, eta four hours.'

'Duty calls.'

James stopped her from getting up, 'we have an hour.' He lifted her chin for a kiss, 'I'm thinking we need a shower.'

'I like the way you think Commander.'

James shook his head, 'that's going to take some getting used to, I'm going to think people are talking to you, Captain.' He grinned as she scrunched her nose at him.

'Well,' she unfolded herself from his arms and stood up, not the least bit inhibited by the fact she was naked, 'we can keep calling you LT if you like.'

'As long as you call me I don't care what title you use,' he stood up and grabbed her waist, tickling as he ushered her towards the shower.

'Not fair,' she pushed his hands away, walked backwards a few steps before turning and with an emphasised sway of her hips headed for the bathroom.

James followed her with his eyes, amazed that a woman like her could love him. Her perfectly rounded cheeks at the top of toned thighs mesmerised him.

'Are you coming LT,' she glanced over her shoulder when she realised he wasn't following.

'Hopefully,' he rushed to catch her with a grin and she laughed at him.

'Again,' she wrapped her arms around his neck as he reached around her to turn on the water. 'James Vega you're insatiable.'

'Only with you, bella, only with you.'

* * *

James was the first to the briefing room and he took the time to sign off on reports, check the stock manifest and re-read the mission briefing. Going back to where Shepard first encountered the Reapers had an odd feeling about it, especially considering Alenko had just come back.

'Mr Vega.'

James looked up, 'Esteban.' He nodded and held up a datapad, 'I've just been checking our inventory. Why do we have two crates of party supplies?'

'They came on board with the other supplies, I thought you or Shepard had ordered them.' Steve's brow furrowed.

'Not me,' James shook his head. 'Shepard didn't say anything if she did order them.'

'Order what?' Joker walked in and took his usual position at the end of the table.

'Party supplies,' James narrowed his eyes and glared at Joker. 'Is this your doing?'

'Why does everyone blame me for these things,' he rolled his eyes and threw his hands at the ceiling.

'Because it's something you would do,' EDI stepped into the room. 'Like the time you ordered a copy of Fornax for every crew member using Shepard's Spectre access.'

'Someone has to look after crew morale,' he shrugged and grinned. 'But not this time.'

'So who did?' James had a horrible thought, 'Steve, did you actually check that the crates hold party supplies?'

'Yes, party hats, food, games and other paraphernalia. I check every crate that comes on board.' His tone left no doubt he thought James should know better.

'Yeah, sorry,' James shrugged. 'So, who ordered them?'

'Ordered what?' Shepard asked as her and Garrus joined the group, slowly followed by Liara and Traynor.

'Mr Vega is curious about some party supplies that came on board,' Steve explained.

'That would be me,' she grinned and James was surprised at the ease in her manner as she shrugged. 'We have things to celebrate.'

'We do?' Garrus looked at her strangely.

'Yes, let's get this briefing started and you'll all find out.'

'Major Alenko's not joining us?' James met her eyes.

'No, not right now, he has some personal business to take care of.' She shook her head at his questioning stare. 'Okay, first, James is now officially the Normandy's XO and has been promoted to Commander.' She waited for the congratulations to finish before continuing. 'That means that if I am unavailable James has command of the Normandy, is that understood? His orders are to be followed without question or interference.'

There were nods and grunts all round and James couldn't help the feeling of pride that filled him. He knew the crew would support him no questions asked simply because Shepard had told them to, but having that title meant so much to him and they knew that. He was among family now and they would be there when he needed them.

'How does that work, Shepard?' Garrus asked, 'can a ship have two commanders in the Alliance?'

'No,' she shook her head, 'I've been promoted to Captain.' Once again congratulations filled the room. 'We're keeping it quiet though, until after all this is over.'

'That is sensible,' EDI spoke up, 'there is the strong possibility that a change in title at this point could cause confusion and mistrust. Commander Shepard is known to most.'

'Exactly,' Shepard nodded. 'Our next mission is Eden Prime. Do we have any idea what Cerberus has dug up?' Liara fidgeted uncomfortably as Shepard's eyes fell on her.

'Not yet,' the asari sighed and folded her arms across her chest. 'I have been unable to find any information. It seems Cerberus is keeping this very quiet and there has been no communication from Eden Prime since they arrived.'

'I don't like the sound of that,' James frowned as Garrus and Shepard agreed.

'No, it doesn't sound good,' Shepard stared at the table for a moment. 'Okay, we have no idea what we're walking into. If Cerberus is there in numbers we'll have a definite fight on our hands.'

'We could increase the team size,' James suggested, 'extra guns just in case.'

'I think we should,' Garrus nodded.

'I agree so a four man team. James, Garrus, you're with me and I think Kaidan will be useful.'

'Shepard,' Liara spoke softly. 'I should be on the ground team, you might need my knowledge of the Protheans to decipher what you find.'

James felt Shepard tense. He had to admit, he didn't particularly want the asari with them, especially if it came down to a serious firefight. On the other hand, she might be useful with what she knew of the protheans.

'Okay,' Shepard agreed and Liara relaxed. 'Is there anything else?'

'I have found out more about those colonists that were apparently rescued,' Liara sounded happier and James felt something stirring in his guts as she smiled at Shepard. 'I have been receiving information about a place called Sanctuary, supposedly a haven for refugees. It seems that anyone that goes there isn't heard from again, just like the colonists.'

'Might be worth checking out,' James suggested and Liara glanced at him, her eyes cold and narrow.

'See what else you can find, Liara,' Shepard looked to Joker, 'ETA to Eden Prime?'

'Just under three hours.'

'Good,' she straightened up and grinned. 'Once we're done with the mission I think we can have a small celebration in honour of James' promotion.'

'Yes!' Joker pumped the air.

'I said a small celebration,' Shepard pointed out but James could see the humour in her eyes.

'Yeah, yeah, I hear you,' Joker stood up to leave.

'If that's all, dismissed.' Shepard followed everyone out.

James lingered, still reading the stocks manifest, 'Steve,' the pilot stopped as he reached the door, 'did you let Major Alenko know that his gear is aboard?'

'No, I expected him to be here. I can send him a message.'

'It's okay,' James joined him at the door, 'I have to give him the mission brief, I can tell him.'

James stepped off the elevator on the crew deck assuming that Alenko would still be in starboard obs. He had his head down, finalising the mission details as the doors opened. His heart stopped and he wanted to throw up as he looked up at Alenko. His hands were shaking as the Major raised his head from where it had been resting on Shepard's shoulder. His arms were around her waist and hers were around his neck.

The world spun. James wanted to let go, to let the vortex throw him into the unknown, somewhere where his heart wasn't breaking and his dreams weren't collapsing into dust. He forced himself to breathe, to ignore the pain that threatened to rip his chest apart.

'James?' Shepard looked up, her hands slid from around Alenko's neck as she stepped away from him.

Her eyes haunted him. There was sadness there, pain, and he knew his world was about to come crashing down.

'I just wanted to give Major Alenko the mission brief and to let him know his gear is in the cargo bay.' James fought down the primal urge to rip the man apart with his bare hands, stepped forward, placed a datapad on the closest seat, spun and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else think it strange that James' invitation to N school came out of the blue, especially considering he was already N7 at the end of Paragon Lost. Lore holes again anyone? Anyway, hope you like my attempt at fixing it.


	47. Chapter 47

**** 47 ****

James didn't know where to go. The door to the crew quarters opened as he stopped in front of it and curious eyes looked up from within. He had to be the XO, a position that had suddenly lost its lustre, so he moved forward, his feet making their own path. Had she been lying to him, telling him what he wanted to hear? He knew she wasn't the cold hearted bitch others said she was, he'd seen her softer side, seen the heart of her. Had he only seen what he wanted to see? Did she feel more for Alenko than she admitted?

No, that couldn't be right. He shook his head, trying to shake away his irrational fear. She'd been genuine when they'd talked about it. There had to be something else going on. He paused in front of the elevator, he needed his head clear before he went to CIC to be the XO Shepard expected of him.

'James.'

Shepard's soft voice made him jump. He hadn't expected her to follow him. He didn't know if he could face her. He tensed as her hand landed on his shoulder but gentle urging made him turn. The warm hand slid down his arm, linking their fingers together and leading him to Life Support. The sound of the door locking had him spinning towards her and he ignored the anger simmering in his gut.

'James, what you saw …'

He lifted his eyes to hers and saw fear looking back at him. She was afraid of exactly what he'd been thinking, that he would assume the worst. Her eyes were moist, her movements hesitant, doubting, she could sense his anger. She wasn't here to break his heart.

He knew then that something else was going on. She'd followed him, wanted to explain but his mood wasn't helping. He was only adding to her pain. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear what she had to say but he waited patiently as she blinked moist eyes.

'Talk to me Andy.'

'What you saw,' she waved her hand absently behind her. She took a deep breath. 'What do I do when one of my crew is upset, had bad news or needs a shoulder?'

'You give them what they need.' James mentally kicked himself, he'd be happy if the ground opened up and swallowed him. 'Is something wrong with Alenko?'

She nodded and sniffled and James cursed himself for a fool as he rushed forward and wrapped her in his arms. Her arms went around his neck and she held him tight as she pulled her emotions under control.

'I'm sorry, bella, for doubting,' he kissed the top of her head.

'It's okay, what you saw had to be confusing, I doubt I would have walked away if the position were reversed.' She pulled back and looked at him, 'but I meant every word I said earlier. You are the only one I want.' She kissed him lightly and dropped her head back to his shoulder. 'Kaidan's dad is MIA, presumed dead, and his mother is alone on their orchard. He only just found out but there's nothing he can do.'

'Shit.'

'Kaidan and I have a history, you know that. I spent time at his parent's house in Vancouver on shore leave, David Alenko was Alliance through and through. He couldn't stand by and let the Reapers kill helpless people, he made sure Kaidan's mum was safe then went back to fight. Reports have him going to help survivors trapped in an outer suburb and no-one has heard from his since.' Her fingers played with his shirt as her control strengthened. 'Kaidan and I might not be together anymore but I still consider him a friend and right now he needs that. I hope you can be friends too, you just might like him.'

'From what I hear he didn't behave like a friend on Horizon.' James buried his fingers in her hair, it's silk feel on his skin always calmed his nerves.

'No, he didn't, he was horrible to me. He broke my heart when I needed him most and it took me a while to see that he was in pain too, he needed to lash out. I can't blame him for that though, I did come back from the dead.'

'But you forgive him?'

'Not for a while and not easily but yes, in fact you helped me with that. You opened my eyes to possibilities and everyone keeps pointing out the little time we may have left so I don't want to hold grudges. Besides, it's who he is. Kaidan needs proof, he's a logical person and he doesn't deal well with things that don't make sense, not until he's thought about it.' She grimaced and continued, 'that's why Horizon happened. Yes it was painful, I was heartbroken but I understand now.'

'But not enough to take him back?'

'No,' she shook her head with a sigh, 'he's from a different part of my life and I don't think he fits into this one.'

'Okay.'

'Okay?'

'Yeah, if you consider him a friend after everything he's done to you then I guess I can give him a chance. But only because I love you.'

'I'm proud of you,' she lifted her face and he was pleased to see a smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

'You are?'

'Yes, I'm sure you wanted to rip Kaidan apart.'

'Madre de Dios. You have no idea,' James growled and her smile widened.

'But you didn't, you behaved like a professional soldier, like the man I know you can be.'

'Yeah, probably only because I left the room,' he scoffed and she chuckled. 'Does he know about us?'

'I think he suspects but he would never come out and ask.'

'Should we tell him?'

'He'll figure it out soon enough,' she grinned and James was pretty sure it was a form of payback for her.

'All right then,' he chuckled. 'Guess we'd better get back to work.'

'In a minute,' she wrapped her arms around his neck, finding his lips and kissing him with a passion reserved purely for him.

James knew that if he didn't pull back things would go further than they should. He groaned, squeezed his eyes shut and broke the kiss.

'Lola, you're killing me here.'

'Just reminding you,' she kissed him lightly and stepped back. 'You have nothing to worry about.'

'I know,' James nodded and motioned to the door. 'You'd better go first, I need a minute.'

James laughed as she glanced down at his groin, eyeing him off hungrily. With a moan she turned and left the room. _Eden Prime, mission, ship to run_. He thought of anything other than the woman he loved and finally felt comfortable enough to leave. He stepped through the door and ran straight into Garrus.

'Problem, Vega?'

'Not now,' he grinned. 'Did you collect those mods I picked up for your rifle?'

'Just heading down,' he led the way to the elevator. 'I think this mission is going to be fun.'

'I like the way you think, Scars.' James laughed at the flicker of confusion as they stepped into the elevator.  'You know, you have a lot of them .... .' He laughed even more when Garrus just sighed and shook his head.

* * *

The air in the shuttle was thick, a wet blanket weighing them down and James knew that this mission was different. There were memories here for Shepard and Alenko. They did have a history and he needed to accept that if he wanted to be with Shepard.

'Eden Prime,' the planet appeared on the screen and Liara stared at it as she spoke to Shepard. 'This is where it all began. Where the beacon gave you the vision and warned us about the Reapers.'

'Yeah,' Shepard nodded, 'a lot of memories here.'

'This is where you went up against Saren and the geth for the first time, no?' James moved closer to Shepard who looked at him over her shoulder.

'Yes, a lot of people died here.' Her eyes dropped to the floor, 'seems like a lot longer than three years ago.'

'Jenkins,' Kaidan said softly, 'and those damn geth drones.'

James knew about the connections that formed between squad mates. His team on Fehl Prime had been like family and losing them was painful. Only another soldier could understand the link that formed on a battlefield and James did. He didn't pity Alenko but he understood, shared his pain. It was Shepard's pain too and he wanted to reach out and reassure her. As if sensing his need she met his eyes and gave the slightest nod. James held her gaze until Garrus spoke.

'You have no idea how frustrating it was knowing Saren had taken down this colony while I was held up by bureaucracy.' His mandibles tightened against his face.

'Didn't Saren have bombs set up to wipe out the place?' James looked from Alenko to Shepard.

'Yes, but we stopped him.' Shepard glanced at Alenko who nodded.

'Damn straight you did,' James agreed. 'And we'll stop Cerberus too.'

'Yes we will.'

'Approaching the drop point,' Steve called from the cockpit.

'Let's do this,' Shepard stepped forward, assault rifle in hand.

James stood behind her, his heart pounding from anticipation and excitement. This might be where it all started for Shepard and Alenko but he was here now too. This was a different mission with a different objective. He had her back this time.

As they set foot on Eden Prime James saw Shepard suck in a breath and hesitate. Before he could move to her side Alenko was there, so was Liara. The three of them looked across the landscape and he knew memories were invading.

'These colonists deserve better than this,' Shepard's words slid between gritted teeth and James understood the personal connection she felt with them.

'They came back last time, they'll come back again,' Kaidan was trying to be reassuring but James knew it wasn't helping.

'They came back to Mindoir too,' her eyes passed over the colony, 'but it was never the same.'

'Look at that,' Kaidan pointed below them to where Prothean ruins stuck out of the ground. 'That wasn't here last time.'

'Cerberus has certainly been busy.' Liara said, her face screwed up in a grimace as she looked at the mess Cerberus had made.

'I wonder what Ash would think, knowing we're back here,' Kaidan mused.

'She'd tell us to kick Cerberus ass,' Shepard huffed.

For a brief moment James felt like an outsider. Garrus must have sensed his discomfort because he nudged his shoulder.

'I'm moving down there,' he pointed to the walkway that led them into the colony. 'Someone has to be alert.'

'I hear you. Overwatch?' James stepped forward as Garrus nodded and moved away. 'Shepard, we should get out of the open.'

'Lead the way,' she indicated he should go first and James saw Alenko turn towards him, his eyebrows raised.

He led them into the colony proper, slowly moving forward, surprised that Shepard had put him on point but happy to be there if it meant he could keep her safely behind him. Garrus was already in position on a rooftop as they stepped into an open area. The place appeared deserted and Liara dashed forward.

'There it is!'

James reached out to stop her but she was too quick. With a frustrated growl he went after her. They caught up with Liara at the dig site where a lift brought up whatever Cerberus had found.

'Goddess!' She worked frantically on her omnitool. 'Cerberus didn't find a relic, they found a Prothean. A real life Prothean!'

'Seriously?' Shepard stared at the pod that sat before them and James' eyes instinctively followed.

'You mean like those Collector things Shepard destroyed?' James frowned as he turned to Liara.

'No, this is an actual Prothean.' He could see she was itching to get her hands on the pod

'I thought they were all dead?' Shepard moved towards the pod and everyone followed.

'He's in stasis.'

'Well let's get him out of there.'

James jumped as Liara reached out to stop Shepard. 'No, we have to work out how to open it without killing him.' She was back on her omnitool. 'Cerberus set up labs here so we might find what we're looking for in there.'

'Incoming hostiles,' Garrus spoke into their ears and James cursed.

'Bring 'em on,' James ducked behind a half wall as a shuttle dropped Cerberus troops.

It was only a handful of troops that were no match for the collective skills of the team and before long they were again moving through the colony.

Anger turned to rage as they came across dead Alliance soldiers and civilians. Cerberus had taken no prisoners. People died where they sat, stood or cowered. This was senseless killing and James allowed his rage free reign. He was eager to shoot someone, if they didn't die instantly he wouldn't object, in fact it would be better if they didn't. The thought of those responsible suffering brought him a great deal of pleasure. There was some satisfaction in knowing that people were still alive, putting up resistance, and sending information their way was the least they could do.

It wasn't long though before more troops appeared between them and their objective. Taking down Cerberus was always enjoyable, and having extra team members made the job easier but it also meant learning to work with them. James had fought with Alenko before and even though it was only for a short time he had an idea of how he worked.

Having him among them was a benefit. His lift and throw allowed them to take down targets without having to stay hunkered down continuously. Garrus was also familiar with his technique as he took down targets from a distance. Shepard was following Alenko, her turrets and drones attacking as soon as he put targets down. James was quick to jump in, his shotgun burning in his hands, using it as a club as it cooled down. They worked well together.

Liara, however was a problem, so much so that Shepard yelled at her to stay behind them. She was eager to get to the Cerberus labs and put herself in the line of fire. James pushed her sideways as a sniper marked her. She squealed as he knocked her down behind a crate and as she turned on him he half expected to end up in a singularity.

'Sniper,' he growled and her eyes widened as she understood. 'You need to focus doc,' James crept towards the edge of the crate and glanced around the edge.

'Thank you, lieutenant,' she crouched behind him.  'I guess I'm a little distracted.'

'Can you give me a singularity over that wall,' he pointed to the side of a building and she looked around him.

She nodded and he counted to three. He threw a handful of grenades, peppered the area with his assault rifle and was relieved to see a singularity form above the trooper he knew was hiding there.

'Nice,' he grinned as a single shot took down the sniper struggling to stay grounded. 'You okay, doc?' He glanced at Liara who nodded.

James glanced across the walkway where Shepard and Alenko were working in tandem to take down the last Cerberus trooper and turret. Finally the field was clear. He looked around to help Liara only to find she was already gone. With a shake of his head he followed her to the first lab.

She was fiddling with something on a console as the others joined her. Shepard stepped forward and placed her hand on Liara's forearm. The asari stepped back, her eyes narrowed as she watched Shepard use the controls and the screen came to life. There was just static and James grimaced, there was nothing useful here. He glanced at Shepard to find her mesmerised by the static. He stepped towards her.

'What the … .' He went to touch her arm but a strong grip on his wrist stopped him.

'Don't,' Kaidan shook his head.

James started to tell him to back off but he looked at Shepard to find her brown eyes glowing green and he knew Alenko had seen this before. On this planet in fact. This had to be surreal for Alenko, watching Shepard interact with Prothean technology again, knowing there was nothing he could do to help her. It was certainly terrifying for him, he wanted to pull her away, stop her from being hurt but to do so could do more harm than good. He had to trust Alenko. Eventually the static stopped and Shepard closed her eyes.

'Are you okay, Lola,' James did touch her then, gently placing his hand on her arm.

'Yeah,' she nodded and turned towards him, her eyes once again the golden brown he loved. 'I know how to open the pod.'

'You understood that?' Liara stepped up beside her, the tone in her voice made James shiver. He wasn't sure if it was jealousy or admiration.

'You didn't?' Shepard looked at them in turn and they all shook their heads.

'It was just static,' James informed her and her eyes fell on him. 'You were mesmerised by it.'

'Like a beacon,' Kaidan said softly and James could hear the guilt in his words.

'Well, we'd better go find the other lab and see what else Cerberus uncovered.' Shepard led them to the door. 'Garrus, we're on the move.'

Getting to the second lab meant ploughing through more Cerberus troops. James found himself beside Alenko and they quickly fell into a pattern. Alenko would lift, James would shoot. James would lob grenades and Alenko would make sure they landed where they would do the most damage. James had to admit, he enjoyed working with the biotic. He could understand why Shepard wanted him on the Normandy.

'Having fun?' Shepard was grinning as they moved forward again.

'You know it, Lola,' James laughed at her.

'You have a strange idea of fun, Vega,' Kaidan scoffed from behind.

'What's not to like,' Garrus spoke in their ears, 'taking down Cerberus, spending time with friends, blowing things up.'

'Maybe I'm just getting old,' Kaidan shook his head.

'Or maybe it's just too much of a challenge, Major,' James grinned at him and Shepard laughed.

'You're not going to let the youngsters have all the fun are you, Kaidan?'

'Not on your life,' he lifted his pistol with a smirk. 'Bring it on.'

James wondered if Alenko was wishing he could take back his words as they fought to take down another round of Cerberus troops after getting what they needed from the second lab. Engineers and turrets slowed them down.

'Alenko,' James held three grenades in his hands, 'the turrets.'

'Roger that,' Kaidan watched as the three grenades went airborne.

James was impressed at the fine control Alenko used to place a grenade over each turret. The engineers behind them ran as the explosions went off. The turrets were down and they moved forward. James waited for Alenko to lift a trooper and used a carnage blast. The resulting explosion sent several other troopers flying. That little discovery was useful and James worked in tandem with Alenko and Shepard, igniting their tech or biotics with his carnage shots. It made taking down the troops so much easier.

'Now that's what I call fun,' James chuckled as silence descended and the three of them stood together looking at their handiwork.

'I could have taken a nap,' Garrus complained as he came up behind them.

'Sorry Garrus,' Shepard slapped him on the shoulder, 'you can have the next round.'

'Shepard, the pod,' Liara glared at them as she moved past them.

'This is going to take some time,' Shepard was frowning as she entered the necessary codes. 'I don't think Cerberus is going to stand by and watch us take him away.'

As if on cue more shuttles arrived and they dashed into cover. Liara gave a frustrated growl and threw out a singularity. James had the distinct feeling she was annoyed at them as much as Cerberus as she crouched behind a wall. Alenko nudged his shoulder and pointed to cover further forward and he nodded. A blue haze surrounded them as they dashed towards a pile of crates.

'Incoming!' Garrus yelled and James looked up to see an Atlas dropping from the sky.

'Fuck, I hate those things,' he groaned and Alenko laughed.

'Too much of a challenge Vega?'

'Hell no, but I have to leave something for everyone else,' he was grinning as he readied grenades.

'Liara, singularity to the right, Kaidan, lift and throw in the middle, James, grenades to the left, Garrus overload as many as possible.' Shepard's orders were clear in their earpieces. 'On three.'

Everything happened so fast James' head was spinning but amidst the mayhem Shepard dashed across the field, clambered up the back of the Atlas, opened the canopy and pulled the startled pilot out. He could hear her laughing as she slid into the seat and proceeded to open fire on the surprised Cerberus troops. She was a lunatic on the battlefield and James adored it. She was his kind of woman, tough and strong but also soft and tender. He was grinning with pride and love as he marched forward behind the Atlas taking down stragglers with Alenko and Garrus. Damn if it wasn't a good day.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Spoiler alert* for anyone who hasn't played the Leviathan DLC. Starts after the scene in the mess. I've also taken a bit of liberty with James back story.

**** 48 ****

Everything hurt. James winced as he stepped out of the shower and dried himself. The muscles in his back tightened and a wave of pain ran down his spine, he could almost feel his skin changing colour. He grimaced as he pulled his shirt on. The sharp steel knives slicing the muscles around his elbow told him there was something wrong, that and the fact he could hardly bend it. The doc was not going to be happy. With a deep sigh that reminded him of his body's condition, he grabbed his shower pack and headed for the medbay.

'James,' Chakwas looked up as he entered the room. 'I was wondering when you'd show up.'

'Thought I'd at least have a shower so you didn't have to suffer,' he grinned at her.

'I might like the smell of sweaty, muscular marines, those pheromones do still work on me you know,' she laughed at his wide-eyed stare. 'Take a seat.' She waited for him to settle on the bed. 'Anything I should know?'

'Elbow took a beating when the prothean threw us all to hell, the wall behind me kinda stopped my flight.' He flinched as she lifted his elbow to examine it. 'Shoulders too, lower back,' he shrugged, 'hell, I hurt all over.'

'I'm glad to see you're not being all heroic and stubborn,' she frowned as she ran her scanner over him. 'Nothing broken, some ligament damage and severe bruising though.'

'Thought I was turning blue,' James watched as she grabbed a syringe from the medicine cabinet. 'How did Shepard pull up?'

'The Commander hasn't graced me with her presence yet,' she shrugged as she injected the contents into his arm. 'She was called down to the cargo hold where the prothean is quartered.' She scanned his arm and nodded, 'that should work, it will ease the swelling and the pain but your arm needs time to heal. No weights and no pull ups and I'm taking you off the active duty roster for a few days.' She held up her hand as he went to object, 'you might think you're invincible but I don't. You need to heal.'

'I also need to have Shepard's back,' he frowned at her. 'I can handle it, doc.'

'The first time that shotgun of yours recoils or you punch someone your arm is going to distract you. Armour can only do so much. You're only human,' she shook her head with a chuckle, 'one day you and Shepard might realise that.' James saw her eyes soften as she met his frustrated glare, 'I know you want to protect her but you're no good to her if you can't do your job effectively. Garrus will watch her back, you know that.'

'I know, it's just … ,' he sagged on the bed, let out a sigh and couldn't stop the wince as his back muscles complained.

'It's personal,' Chakwas patted his thigh and James knew she understood. 'It's just a few days and I don't think there are any missions that need your firepower. We're only going to pick up a scientist.'

'Famous last words, doc,' James picked up his stuff and headed for the door, 'I'll make sure Shepard comes to see you.'

'Good luck with that,' Chakwas laughed as he left the room.

His stomach grumbled as he passed the empty mess, reminding him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast. Dropping his shower pack on the table he wandered into the kitchen. He wasn't up for cooking so he rummaged in the fridge, grinning as he found leftover pizza from last night's dinner. Campbell was good at keeping them fed and he was amazed at the meals she provided with limited supplies. He hoped she'd put in a requisition order for their next stop on the Citadel because good food always made being stuck inside a tin can much more bearable.

'Is there enough in there for two?'

James jumped and groaned as pain washed through him. He turned to see Shepard frowning at him.

'You okay?'

'Yeah, hitting a wall at speed isn't exactly good for the health but doc says I'll be fine in a few days.' He grabbed the pizza and led her to the table where they sat opposite each other. 'She has taken me off the roster though.'

'Good.'

'Good?' His eyebrows headed for his hairline as he stared at her.

'Yes, I don't want you on the ground if you're hurt.' She reached for his hand, 'I'd be worried about you and be distracted.'

'I get that,' he squeezed her fingers gently before releasing his hold and reaching for the pizza. 'You haven't been to see the doc yet, are you okay?'

'Yeah, I only slid along the ground when Javik went all biotic on us.'

'Javik?'

'Our prothean guest, that's his name.' She picked up a slice of pizza and her lips closing around it as she took a bite fascinated James.

'I bet Liara's over the moon. Joker wanted to know if there was bouncing.'

'Hmm-mm,' she mumbled around her food, chewed and swallowed. 'He's not what she expected though.'

'How's he dealing with the 50,000 year nap?' He bit into his food and warmth flooded over him as he saw Shepard watching his lips. Who knew watching someone eat could be sexy.

'As well as can be expected I suppose. What can he do, we can't send him back. It's hard losing time but 50,000 years, that's impossible to imagine. I only lost two years and that was bad enough.'

There was still pain there and as she dropped her eyes James reached out and brushed the side of her face gently.

'I'm just glad you came back.'

'Me too, now,' she let out a soft sigh, 'for a while there I wasn't.'

'No?'

She shook her head and finished another bite, 'I woke up naked on an operating table with an army of mechs after me and a space station disintegrating around me. Then I find I'm in debt to Cerberus, two years of my life are gone, I can't go back to the Alliance and the galaxy is under threat – again.' She played absently with her fingers, 'if it wasn't for Joker, Chakwas and Garrus I don't think I would have made it.'

'Liara wasn't there?'

'No,' she smiled as she looked at him, 'I know, I owe you an explanation.'

'Whenever you're ready,' he shrugged and picked up another slice of pizza.

'Have you ever wondered how Cerberus ended up with my body?' He nodded and she continued, 'Liara gave it to them.'

'How? Why?' James stumbled over the questions, not sure which to ask first.

'How. She found out the Shadow Broker was after my remains, offering a good price for them apparently. She couldn't let him get me so she made sure he didn't.' She scowled and James watched her fingers curl. 'Then she handed me over to Cerberus because they promised her they could bring me back.'

'Why? Why didn't she just hand you over to the Alliance so they could bury you. Handing you to Cerberus is just wrong, she had no way to know if they could do what they said. They could have done anything with your body.'

'Exactly,' she nodded, 'but she couldn't lose me.'

Clarity slapped him in the face. 'She's in love with you and couldn't let go.' He sat back in the chair. Would he have done the same if he had found her remains and promises were made? Could he have just let her go?

'Unfortunately, yes,' Shepard placed her elbows on the table and James could see the frustration in her eyes before she buried her face in her hands. She rubbed her face roughly and sat back. 'She thought that by bringing me back I would fall into her arms in gratitude, especially after what happened on Horizon with Kaidan.'

'I'm glad you didn't,' James chuckled.

'There is no way I ever would. I could never feel anything other than friendship and she didn't like it. I was a little afraid that when she took over as Shadow Broker she might take her anger and disappointment out by destroying my life.'

'But she didn't.'

'No, she kept hoping and trying though, every chance she got.' She leant forward and folded her hands on the table, 'she's been enamoured of me since she first joined us on the SR-1, tried to get me to have a relationship with her back then but I was already smitten with Kaidan. I thought she'd got over me, especially after two years dead. But she hadn't, still hasn't.'

'Then why did she encourage me?' James frowned at her, 'she told me you'd need someone, that I should be there for you.'

'She probably thought I'd shoot you down, that if I was lonely enough she might stand a chance,' she grinned at him. 'After Kaidan she probably thought I wouldn't start another relationship with a crew member. If I hadn't met you on Earth and discovered the man you are I wouldn't have.'

'So I'm lucky Anderson put us together.'

'Yeah, he knew exactly what he was doing.' Shepard laughed and James had to agree.

'I owe that man a beer.'

'You and me both,' she reached out and he leaned in and took her hands. 'I hope she doesn't make you uncomfortable.'

'Nah, I can handle it.' He locked his fingers with hers, 'unless she destroys my life with the push of a button.'

'I doubt she'd do that because she knows I'd never forgive her.' She met his eyes and grinned. 'Do you have any secrets I should know about just in case?'

James dropped his eyes and was quiet for a moment. Her fingers tightened around his.

'James?'

'Yeah,' he sighed, 'if she digs she might find something that is not what it seems.'

'Okay,' she dropped her head so she could meet his eyes. 'Do you want to tell me?'

'Mi madre died just after my seventeenth birthday.' He sucked in a breath as the memory brought back all the grief and pain he'd thought long buried. 'Mi padre couldn't handle it. Within a year he was a mess, always drunk, no job and using what little insurance money we got to pay for it.'

He paused and Shepard switched seats to sit beside him, her hand sliding into his. His breath hitched as she sat close enough for their thighs to rub and he adored her for wanting to be there for him. It gave him the strength to continue.

'He started using red sand but I didn't know. I should have but I stayed away from home, spent most of my time with my uncle Emilio because I couldn't stand to see him like that.' He wrapped his other hand over hers, wincing as he lifted his arm and placed it on the table. 'La madre would have been disappointed with me but he didn't want to listen, he just wanted to live in the grief. Anyway,' he sighed and squeezed his eyes shut to stop the burning. He opened them as Shepard rested her head on his shoulder. 'One day, just after I'd enlisted but before I left for basic, he called me up and asked me to pick up his medications. Not thinking anything of it I went to the pharmacy but I wasn't supposed to go inside.

'He'd sent me to pick up his sand but the police were there. I managed to escape but el padre threatened to report me if I didn't stay and help him. The pharmacist knew who I was and gave the police our address. Told them I was dealing in sand. Uncle Emilio got me out before they arrived, convinced me to leave and not come back. The police were after me but he covered for me, used his friendship with someone higher up to get them off my back but not before they put me into the system. Emilio contacted Anderson, they were friends, served together apparently, and let him know what was going on. He smoothed over my enlistment so the drug thing never arose.'

'I guess I owe him a beer too,' Shepard kissed his shoulder. 'I could never imagine you using or dealing in sand, you take too much pride in your body.'

'Thanks, Lola,' he dropped his head so it rested on hers. 'If Liara finds the police notes she could say something but I hope it doesn't go that far.'

'I don't think it will but who knows. These are strange times.' Shepard sat up pulled the pizza towards them, 'I think we should finish this,' she grinned, 'it's too good to go to waste.'

'Campbell is a good cook,' he agreed as he bit into another piece.

'Yeah,' she nodded, 'it was a good idea I had, taking her off guard duty, even if I do say so.'

'You have lots of good ideas, Lola,' James nudged her shoulder, 'you did end up with me.' He smirked and continued, 'I have a good idea too,' he watched her raise her eyebrows, 'when we've finished here you should go see the doc.'

'Fine,' she rolled her eyes at him and let out a deep sigh. 'But my good ideas are better than yours.'

'Of course they are,' he agreed, 'you're the boss.' He laughed as she punched his shoulder then grimaced as his body complained. Damn, everything still hurt.

* * *

'We're only going to pick up a scientist,' James repeated the doctor's words as he rushed to the bridge. 'Knew she'd jinxed us.'

'EDI, we need to get through that jamming,' Joker was flicking screens across his workspace.

'Sitrep,' James stopped behind his chair.

'We lost all communication with the surface and the ground team. Something is blocking us.' Joker glanced up at him, 'there are Reaper troops on the ground.'

'Fuck,' James went to punch the back of Joker's chair but the pilot's glare made him think twice. 'Can we get through the jamming?'

'I am working on it, as is Traynor.' EDI informed him even though she sat motionless in the chair.

'What about Cortez?'

'No good,' Joker flicked another screen across, 'he's out of reach too.'

James paced. The man in him wanted to be down there, watching her back. The soldier in him knew she was more than capable and she had a good team with her. Garrus and Kaidan would make sure she stayed safe. That didn't stop him from worrying though. The officer in him knew he had a job to do.

'Are we safe? Has anything shown up on scanners?'

'No, whatever dropped the ground troops has gone, or it's hiding,' Joker switched to the radar screens.

'Keep us out of sight, Joker,' he stopped pacing and peered through the windows even though there was little chance of him seeing anything.

'I think I've got something,' Traynor spoke over their heads.

'Nor … ay … ent … .' The signal dropped out.

'Can we get them back?' James moved to stand beside EDI.

'I think so,' she sat up and flicked on her screens. 'Whatever is jamming the signal is not Reaper technology.'

'How so?'

'It has similarities but it is also different, older.'

'How is that possible?' Joker spun to face her.

'Unknown but I am sensing a different presence to the Reapers. There is something else here.'

'Whatever it is we need to find it and disable it.' James reminded them.

EDI stopped moving and was silent for a moment. Joker's screens flashed into life, the feed from Shepard's armour suddenly visible. They were safe, not under attack and obviously inside whatever structure was down there. James watched in amazement as the two men behind what was obviously a reception desk responded to Shepard.

'That will be all, step away. You don't belong here.'

He looked at Joker then back to the screen a she looked at Kaidan and back to the two men. Cold ran down James back and he shivered. Something was definitely wrong here.

'Well that's not creepy at all,' Joker visibly shuddered.

'Sir,' Traynor's voice had him glancing at the ceiling, 'I think they're indoctrinated.'

'Not by Reapers obviously,' Joker scoffed.

'No, this is something else. I'm picking up a faint background signal, it's like static really, but it's all over the base. It's not jamming but it's doing something.'

'Thanks Traynor,' James nodded even though she couldn't see him. 'Keep working at it, see what else you can find.'

'Cortez to Normandy.'

'Go ahead, Steve,' James acknowledged.

'I'm picking up some weird signals down here, it's electronic but I can feel it in my head.'

'I suggest Lieutenant Cortez wait outside the barrier around the base, whatever is affecting these people could be affecting him also.' EDI was flicking through screens so fast it made James dizzy just watching.

'You hear that Steve, take off and wait for Shepard to call for pick up.'

'Aye, aye.'

'What about Shepard and the team, will they be affected?'

James forced himself to relax, to believe everything would be okay. It was a hard battle because all he could think of was Shepard down there without him.

'I believe so,' EDI nodded and glanced up at him. 'Although I cannot guarantee that.'

'Shepard,' James spoke into the com, watching as she moved among people that were almost zombie like. It was creepy to see so he imagined it would be uncomfortable on the ground.

'James, knew you'd break though. What is it?'

'We think these people are indoctrinated.'

'By what, not the Reapers or they'd already be inside.' He could hear the confusion in her voice.

'No, EDI thinks it's something older.'

'So, Bryson was right, there is something here.' She motioned Kaidan forward as they came across a security screen. 'Are we at risk?'

'EDI doesn't think so but I ordered Cortez to wait off station. It would be better if you made this quick.' He knew she'd hear the concern in his voice.

'Roger that,' she followed Kaidan as he pointed around a corner. 'We'll make this fast.'

'I hope so,' he muttered to himself and Joker grinned at him. 'What?'

'Now you know what it feels like, being stuck up here watching.'

'Yeah.'

His fingers curled and he resisted the need to clench his fists. There was nothing he could do but wait and watch and hope they made it out safely.

'We've got incoming!' Joker warned. 'Reaper inbound, dropping off more troops.'

The Normandy dropped fast as Joker moved to put the asteroid between them and the incoming ship. James' boots left the floor and he gripped the back of Joker's chair. The floor suddenly hitting his feet jarred his legs and he cursed. So did Shepard as Garneau ran and they came face to face with the new arrivals.

The resounding echo of assault rifles, the electronic hiss of drones and tech, the moans of husks, the flashes of blue and the boom of ravager cannons created a chaotic mess of noise and light. James broke into a sweat, they were getting overrun trying to get the doors open. He needed to be down there. For a moment there was silence but it was short lived as the scream of banshees made his blood run cold. He clenched his fist and his teeth hurt as his jaw locked. _She'll be fine._ He paced but his eyes never left the screen. _She'll be fine._


	49. Chapter 49

**** 49 ****

'Shepard?' The worry in Joker's voice and the slight shake in his hands only increased James' anxiety. 'Normandy to ground team, come on Shepard, talk to me.'

There was nothing but static. The flash of the explosion still burned bright in his mind and images of Shepard buried under rubble, dying, gave him waking nightmares. James was rooted to the deck, unable to move as paralysing grief dug its fingers in deep. Stars floated in his vision as he stared at the floor, tendrils of black slid around the edges like oil slicks on water and his lungs screamed for air. He was going to be sick.

'Shepard, come on,' Joker's pleading snapped him out of his stupor.

He gulped in air and Joker glanced up at him worriedly. His vision cleared, the pain in his chest subsided as he pulled in a series of deep, relieving breaths and he swallowed down the bile in his throat. _She's fine._ _She's Commander fucking Shepard_.

'Can we replay the footage before the explosion,' he leant on Joker's chair and the lack of his withering glance told James just how worried he was.

Together they watched Shepard enter the mine room, approaching Garneau who sat on the rocks below a glowing orb, a detonator in his hand.

'What is that?' James asked and Joker stopped the vid.

'It appears to be some sort of communication device,' EDI was busy with her hands as she spoke. 'The technology is unfamiliar, the signal it is producing could be responsible for the strange behaviour of the workers. It is intriguing.'

'Save your curiosity for later, EDI,' James cautioned, 'we need to get the ground team back.'

'I've got them,' Traynor's joy was clear over their heads. 'Whatever that thing was it sent out an electronic pulse when it exploded.'

'Normandy … .'

One word broke through the static. It was enough for James though and he fought to bring his emotions under control.

'Shepard,' Joker sat forward and James found himself leaning too. 'Can you hear me?'

'Joker,' Shepard's voice could just be heard through the static.

'Traynor, can we clean this up,' James glanced at the ceiling.

'Trying, sir,' he could hear the frustration in her voice.

'EDI?' Joker glanced across at her.

'Specialist Traynor has accounted for the power surge resulting from the explosion, she is working on the communication systems.'

'Can we speed it up?'

'No.' James was surprised at the shortness of her answer and obviously Joker was too if his open mouth was any indication. 'Specialist Traynor is very competent, she should be allowed to do her job.' The sharpness in her tone surprised James and his eyes narrowed, was something wrong with her.

'Normandy,' Shepard was louder and clearer, pulling his attention back to the screen. The static was an annoying hum in the background and there were still no visuals. 'Ground team is okay but we need a medical pick up and quarantine for the people down here.'

'Roger that,' James responded, hoping his relief wasn't obvious. 'I'll let Hackett know. Do you want Chakwas on the ground?'

'It's probably a good idea, I don't want to leave these people alone,' there was a pause and James had a sense that she was moving so she wasn't overheard. 'I don't know how but these people have been out of it for ten years.'

'Ten years?' He shared a shocked look with Joker.

'Yeah. It's like they snapped out of a trance when that artefact was destroyed. There's something going on down here and we need to find out what it is. Can you send Liara with Chakwas, she might be able to help.'

James nodded even though she couldn't see it. He glanced at Joker's screen to see the shuttle approaching.

'They'll be there in ten.'

'I'll keep you posted.'

'Doc,' James opened the com to medbay.

'Liara and I are already in the elevator,' Chakwas responded.

'Good luck down there,' James blew out a deep sigh and gently clapped Joker on the shoulder. 'Knew she'd be all right.'

'So we won't mention the pacing, or the cold sweats or the almost puking on my deck, which you would have cleaned up by the way.' He half spun to look up at James, a smirk on his face that James was coming to know well.

'Is that like the panic in your voice or the shaking in your hands?' James raised an eyebrow and Joker chuckled.

'All part of the job,' he spun back to his console. 'Don't you have work to do?'

James nodded and made his way to the CIC where he stopped beside Traynor.

'Good job, Traynor,' he grinned at her.

'Thanks,' she was busy on her console but she flicked a glance at him. 'Life aboard a warship is not at all what I expected.'

'Better or worse?'

'It's fantastic.' She beamed at him, 'it's exciting, challenging, I get to play with new tech and I don't have to scrounge for resources. It's brilliant. Of course it's scary and nerve wracking and I'd be completely surprised if I don't have a nervous breakdown before this is over.' She rolled her eyes even though her hands never stopped moving.

'Not all warships are like the Normandy, you could ask for a transfer to somewhere quieter.'

'Not on your life! It's because this is the Normandy that it's amazing.'

'Now that I can understand,' he laughed and she chuckled. 'I need to talk to Hackett.'

'Aye, sir, I'll get him on the QEC.'

James walked into the war room and waited for the QEC to come to life. He rolled his neck, satisfied when it cracked loudly, continued rolling to include his shoulders and shook out his hands to relieve the tension in his arms. Everything was lighter now that he knew Shepard was alive and okay but it felt like he'd been carrying the weight for months. The QEC flared to life and he stepped forward.

'Commander Vega,' Hackett chuckled as James' brow furrowed, 'still not used to it I gather.'

'No, sir,' James saluted and stood at parade rest.

'Relax, Vega,' Hackett's shoulders dropped slightly and James followed his lead. 'What can I do for you?'

'Shepard has asked for a medical and quarantine pick up from Mahavid. The mining colony appears to have lost ten years of time.'

'Ten years?' Hackett couldn't stop his eyes from widening.

'Yes, sir.' James quickly explained the situation.

'So Bryson was on to something,' Hackett's finger tapped his chin as he spoke and James wondered if he realised he was doing it.

'It would appear so,' James nodded.

'We need to follow up on that,' Hackett glanced down at something James couldn't see, 'I can have a ship there in five hours.' He paused as if thinking about something.

'I'm going to order the Normandy in for maintenance, we don't want her falling apart at the last minute and the refit was never completed. I know you've been fixing things but a full check wouldn't hurt. I'm worried about Shepard too, I know she'll run herself into the ground if we don't force her to take a break so I'm also ordering shore leave for the crew. She won't like it so I trust you to make it happen.'

'Yes sir,' James sighed and Hackett laughed. 'Once we get back from meeting with the Quarians I'll see that it happens.'

'Good. Hackett out.'

James leant on the console and dropped his head. Forcing Shepard to take shore leave, she wouldn't be happy. It was his job, and his personal promise, to make sure she didn't burn out, that she was still able to command the ship and take care of the crew. But they could all do with a little downtime because he was sure they wouldn't get the chance later. He straightened and opened the direct com to Shepard.

'How are you doing, Lola?'

'Good,' she blew out a breath and he heard the exhaustion in her voice. 'There don't appear to be too many physical injuries but getting their heads around losing time, a whole different story.'

'Hackett has a ship on the way, should be about five hours.'

'Okay, I'll let everyone know.'

'Do you want me to relieve you?'

'No, I'm fine, not a lot happening so I'm getting to sit down.'

'You know I don't believe you,' James scoffed and the sound of her laughter sent pleasant shivers all the way to his toes.

'All right,' her eye roll was obvious even though he couldn't see her. 'I've been going through the files with Garrus, trying to figure out how all this happened. And just for the record we are sitting down.'

'Any luck?'

'No, we're sending the data to the Normandy though so EDI might find something we haven't. I guess we'll have to go back to Bryson's lab.'

'Roger that,' he agreed. 'Do you need anything?'

'A shower,' she huffed a laugh. 'I'm covered in dust.'

'I'll gladly help with that when you get back,' he dropped his voice to the husky tone he knew she loved.

'Of course you will,' she spoke quietly, 'You can wash my back.'

'Is that all?'

'I'm sure I can think of other places that need washing … .'

'Shepard, I'm sitting right beside you.' James heard Garrus complain and couldn't help the laugh that escaped.

'Keep listening Garrus, you might learn something.'

'I think Kaidan might need a hand.'

'Stop,' she was laughing and James guessed she was stopping Garrus from leaving. 'Gotta go, James.'

'I'll see you when you get back, Lola.'

Then she was gone. She was alive and safe but he wouldn't be truly satisfied until he could see her, hold her. For now though the sound of her voice would keep him going. He made his way down to the mess where he found Campbell getting ready for dinner.

'Campbell, we're going to have a tired, hungry team on board in about five hours, including two biotics and a turian. Think you can have something a little extra special for them.'

'I think so, sir,' she nodded and smiled.

'Good. How are we for supplies?'

'We have enough for now but if we're heading out to the Far Rim we will have to restock once we come back.'

'Okay,' he nodded, 'make sure you put in a full requisitions list because we might not get to restock for a while after this. Order double just in case.'

'Aye, sir.' He was about to walk away but turned back. 'Are you happy with this position, Campbell?'

'Sir?'

'You're a trained marine and you're stuck in the kitchen, if you're not happy I could probably put you on the active duty roster.'

She thought for a moment and James was pleased that she didn't answer immediately.

'Yes sir, I am happy. I know ground missions are important but so is taking care of the crew. If I didn't cook for them who would? There's a good chance many of them would survive on ration bars and coffee.' Shepard popped into his head and he grinned which raised a chuckle from Campbell. 'I think I'm right where I need to be.'

James laughed, 'I should introduce you to Zahedi when we get back to Earth, you sound just like him. Carry on Campbell.'

* * *

James stood in the shuttle bay. He managed to stop himself from shuffling and pacing as he waited for the hatch to open, for the first glimpse of Shepard. An Alliance ship had finally arrived which meant the team could come home and he would see for himself that she was okay. Checking in with Shepard on the coms wasn't the same as seeing her face to face, and he needed that. The hatch clicked and slid open.

He stood perfectly still, his breath stopped in his chest. Kaidan was the first off, wincing and narrowing his eyes as he dropped heavily onto the deck and James guessed he had the beginnings of a migraine. That didn't stop him from turning and reaching for Liara who stumbled as she stepped down. She was shaking and even though Kaidan was obviously exhausted and in pain he wrapped an arm around her and helped her stand.

Garrus stepped out slowly, nodded at Kaidan and scooped Liara into his arms, sagging under her weight but quickly pulling himself upright. His blue face markings were barely visible through the dust as he looked towards James. Chakwas followed, taking a quick look at Liara and glancing up as Shepard stepped into the doorway.

James sucked in a breath as her eyes searched the bay, coming to rest on him. She was dirty, there was dried blood on her armour, her hair was a tangled mess and she was hanging on to the doorframe as if she needed it to stay standing. The moment she saw him her eyes lit up, a smile broke through the dirt and she seemed stronger as she stepped onto the deck. His heart pounded as he breathed her in, seeing nothing but beauty and perfection. James' feet were moving before he even thought about it.

'Lola,' he stopped before her and looked her up and down, 'you look like shit.' Beside them Kaidan scoffed a laugh, Chakwas grinned and Garrus simply shook his head.

'Nice to see you too, Commander,' she chuckled and went to step forward but her legs refused to co-operate.

James caught her as she stumbled and held her up as she regained her footing.

'You okay,' he looked down through worried eyes.

'Yeah, just exhausted.'

'I expect you all in the medbay once you've cleaned up,' Chakwas left no room for argument.

'Campbell has food ready for you,' James informed them as Shepard leant on him.

'James, you might want to help Shepard to her quarters,' Chakwas met his eyes with a conspiratorial wink before turning to Garrus. 'Let's get Liara to medbay.'

The three of them walked off as Steve stepped out of the shuttle. Shepard let out a long sigh and relaxed against James who immediately put his arm around her shoulder.

'Shepard,' Steve stepped up beside them, 'if you leave your armour I'll make sure it's cleaned and repaired.'

She was about to argue but James was already at work on the clips to her back plate. He raised his eyebrows at her as she glared at him but relented and helped him remove her outer shell. When she was dressed only in her undersuit James kept his arm around her as they headed to the elevator.

'Hey, Esteban,' James called as he turned and stepped backwards into the elevator, 'don't forget to eat too. Don't make me come down here after you.'

'You'd like that, wouldn't you Mister Vega,' Steve chuckled as the elevator closed on James' grin.

'James, put me down,' she punched his shoulder as he scooped her into his arms once the doors closed. 'I can walk.'

'But you don't have to,' he pointed out as she tried to push away. 'No-one will see us, Lola.'

Whether she agreed or whether she was too tired to fight him he didn't know but she gave in, wrapped her arm around his neck and settled against his shoulder. He could finally let go of the worry and fear, allow himself to relax as her soft breath blew against his neck. She was home, she was safe and she was in his arms. His world was in balance again and he no longer felt like he was sliding off the edge.

'Is Liara okay?' James glanced down to see Shepard's eyes closed but she nodded.

'Yes, she did that mind merge thing she does with some of the asari down there, she's just tired like the rest of us.' She shifted in his arms, 'it was hard, some of them have families they haven't spoken to for ten years, children they haven't seen.'

'I'm sure Hackett will take care of them.'

James carried her into her quarters and gently placed her on her feet outside the bathroom door. She braced herself on the wall as he carefully unzipped her undersuit, sliding it off her shoulders and down her arms. The kisses he placed on her shoulders were pure instinct and he loved the taste of her after a mission, salty but sweet. She sighed and leant against him, nuzzling his neck with her nose.

'Shower, Lola,' he kissed the tip of her nose before placing his hand on her shoulders and pushing her tenderly into the bathroom.

'You did offer to wash my back,' she reminded him.

'Joker's got the ship for now and I have every intention of making good.' He crouched and helped her step out of her suit and underwear as she slipped off her bra.

'Hmm,' she turned to face him, her tired eyes alight with want, 'I'm looking forward to it.'

'You're insatiable, Lola,' he turned on the water as he undressed.

'Only with you, James,' she grinned as he found her lips.

Before they started something she really didn't have the energy for James ran his fingers through her hair and reached for the shampoo. She moaned in pleasure as he massaged her scalp, making sure her hair was thoroughly clean before working his way down with her shower gel. He paid extra attention with his ministrations, massaging and rubbing where he knew she would hurt the most. She relaxed under his fingers and at one point he was afraid she was falling asleep standing up.

When he was sure she was clean he wrapped her in a towel before wrapping one around his waist then ushering her towards the bed. Her hands on his bare chest were hot and his own need was building but he knew she needed food and rest more than she needed sex. She didn't appear to be thinking the same as her hands ran down his chest to the towel around his waist. He grabbed her hands as she went to remove it.

'Lola,' he brought her hands to his lips. 'As much as I'd like to go where you want to go I think you need to see Doc, get some food and some rest.'

'Spoilsport,' she pouted at him.

He laughed and claimed her lips, sucking on the bottom lip that stuck out and she giggled. That was when he knew she needed to sleep.

'Dressed, doctor, food, sleep,' he kissed her rapidly between each word and she groaned.

They did manage to get dressed and minutes later they were on their way down to the crew deck. When he was satisfied that she was under Chakwas' care he returned to the mess to find Kaidan digging in to a hearty casserole that Campbell had prepared.

'You okay, Alenko?' James sat across from him.

'Yeah,' he swallowed another mouthful before continuing. 'It was pretty rough down there.'

'Too many Reaper troops for you, Major?' James smirked at him.

'Nah, that was the easy part. It was the people, lost, in place, in time,' he broke off a piece of fresh baked bread, Campbell had really gone all out. 'I know Shepard was gone for two years but it never hit me until today what it must have been like for her, coming back when everyone else she knew had moved on.'

'She said it was tough,' James nodded and Kaidan looked at him for a moment.

'See, I never asked her about it,' he waved his bread in the air. 'I was too deep in my own grief and pain to even think about what it must have been like for her.' He dunked his bread into his bowl, 'I found it impossible to believe that she'd come back from the dead. I stuffed things up and I always hoped for a chance to make things right.'

'Is that why you came back to the Normandy?' James forced down the anger that slowly rose from his guts.

'Honestly,' Kaidan chewed on his bread and paused, staring hard at James before adding, 'I don't know. We're both different people now,' he smirked at him. 'Don't get me wrong, I'll always love Shepard, … .' James tensed, just as Shepard came out of the medbay.

Both men turned as she looked towards them, her eyes instantly falling on James and a smile breaking out before she quickly pulled it back. James missed the grin Kaidan buried behind his bread.

'James,' she dropped into the seat beside him and eyed off Kaidan's bowl. 'That looks good.'

Campbell placed a bowl and bread before her and she moaned as she closed her eyes and inhaled the aroma.

'Damn, Campbell, this smell delicious.'

'Thank you, ma'am,' she blushed but continued, 'Commander Vega asked me to put something special together because you'd all be tired when you got back.'

'Knew I made the right decision making you XO,' she nudged his shoulder before dunking her bread.

'Speaking of,' James stood up. 'I'd better let Joker know to get underway, assuming we're clear to go.' He looked at Shepard who nodded.

'Can you ask Hackett to check the colonies on Arvuna, they've been dealing with T-GES all this time. It's probably a good idea to make sure they're not under control too.'

James nodded and left them to their food. His doubt about Alenko resurfaced but he forced it down. If he did have intentions towards Shepard he knew she'd set him right. He trusted her and believed in her, and she loved him. His grin was back as he stepped up to the galaxy map and he didn't bother trying to wipe it away.


	50. Chapter 50

 

**** 50 ****

James ducked behind cover. Alenko and Garrus followed him from the shuttle towards the first of the artefacts they had to collect but Cerberus troops were in their way. It wasn't unexpected but he thought they might have got a little further in before the fun started. Scans hadn't registered large numbers so it shouldn't be too difficult.

Shepard had deviated their route on the way to the Far Rim to follow up on a request from Hackett that he considered important, if his regular reminders were any indication. Rather than leave it she had slotted it in so here they were. What had been a complete shock was her order that James lead the mission, selecting a ground team that didn't include her.

When he finally picked his jaw up off the floor he nodded and ordered Alenko and Garrus to be ready. He could only imagine how she was feeling, watching from the bridge, which is what he knew she'd be doing, as they came under fire. His lips turned up slightly as he pictured her pacing and Joker throwing frustrated glances her way.

He brought up a map of the complex as he kept low, 'Scars, there's another path through this bottom section, if you make your way around we can get them in a crossfire.' He readied his shotgun, 'Alenko, covering fire.'

Garrus ducked around his cover as they kept the troopers busy. There were only a couple in the corridor and they made short work of taking them down. They moved forward as Garrus let them know he was in position. James risked a glance around the doorway where they'd taken cover.

'I count six,' he spoke into the com. He indicated their position to Alenko who nodded.

'I've got one in my sights.' Garrus informed him.

'Roger that,' James looked to Alenko, 'Can you gather them up?'

'Grenade left about thirty degrees.' Kaidan nodded and grinned.

'On three.'

Alenko threw two troopers into two more and James' grenade left them dazed if not dead. Garrus took down one then quickly took another, still confused trooper out of the equation. James and Alenko stepped through the door together and the remaining troopers didn't have time to put up a fight.

'Nice,' James was laughing as he moved towards the console where the first artefact waited.

He opened the special purpose crate as Kaidan dropped the shields. There was soft buzzing in his ears and the shield around his gauntlets hissed as he scooped up the Reaper artefact, dropped it hurriedly into crate and closed the lid. He visibly shivered and looked up to find Garrus and Alenko watching him.

'This stuff gives me the creeps,' he shrugged, 'Let's hope the adjustments to our shields and these crates work.'

'What, you don't want to end up a mindless Reaper lackey?' Garrus chuckled.

'Nah, cause then I'd have to take down your sorry ass, Scars' James snorted, 'and I've grown to like you.'

'I'd hate to have to put a bullet in you,' Garrus agreed.

'Should I leave you two alone?' Kaidan raised an eyebrow at them, his lips curving upward in a half smile.

'Not likely,' Garrus clapped James on the shoulder, 'Shepard would shoot me for even thinking about it.'

James laughed as Alenko smirked at him, 'let's see what else we can find while we're here.'

They parted ways and went in search of data. James found a log that made his skin crawl because of what it indicated and he knew Shepard wasn't going to like it. Before long they gathered by the shuttle to drop off the artefact.

'Anything good?' James asked as they regrouped.

'I found a sniper enhancement,' Garrus nodded, 'some credits, if we need it there's a medigel dispenser back there.'

'There was a failed medigel experiment,' Kaidan brought up the specs, 'only Cerberus would consider medigel for aliens a failed experiment.' He sighed and shook his head, 'I also found a log about integration.'

'Yeah, me too,' James brought up what he'd found only to discover that it was from the same person. 'I don't like the sound of this integration, it's taking away their free will.'

'We already know they're doing something to their troops,' Kaidan frowned as he read the two logs.

'That sounds a lot like indoctrination,' Garrus commented as he read over Kaidan's shoulder.

'We don't have time to worry about it now,' James closed down his omnitool. 'Esteban, what's next?'

The second artefact was easier to collect. James let Garrus handle that one, the less contact they had with these pieces the better. The lock just clicked into place when Cerberus pinned them down, arriving in numbers. Their situation became worse when Cortez had to bug out to protect the shuttle.

'We hold until Cortez can pick us up,' James ordered as they found cover and he hooked the crate to his back.

Unfortunately Cerberus was using their corrupted brains and included engineers among their forces, which meant turrets. James cursed their position as troops came at them from two different directions, three if you counted dropping in from above. Garrus was overloading and laying down proximity mines in one corridor, Alenko was using his biotics to lift, throw and reave between shots on the other side of the room and James was stuck in the middle. He could shoot in both directions but the number of troops meant if he turned between Garrus or Alenko one of them could be overrun.

He'd been here before, his team being overrun. Shepard would never forgive him if Garrus or Alenko died. He forced down the bile in his throat and flicked his eyes around the battlefield. Cortez was still in trouble so they had to hold.

'Alenko, on three fall back to my position, a lift as you do would be appreciated.'

James counted down, lobbed a grenade and saw Alenko lift two troopers, which James blew up in spectacular fashion with a carnage shot. The few troopers on the ground had raced for new cover when the grenade clattered across the floor. Alenko dived into cover beside him but he had already turned and successfully taken down a trooper encroaching on Garrus' position. For a moment there was a lull as the Cerberus troops regrouped.

'Esteban, how are you doing?'

James' heart was racing, the adrenaline rush was euphoric but as much as he was enjoying the fight he worried about his friend. There was nothing.

'Maybe they've taken him down,' Kaidan said softly.

'He's better than that,' James grunted but he had to believe it. 'We need to get back to the landing area for when he does pick us up.' He had a quick glance around the room and he could hear troops gathering where Alenko had been keeping them at bay. 'Scars, we're coming your way.'

It was the better option, a narrow corridor instead of an open room with access from an upper level. Making the most of the apparent hesitation from Cerberus he tapped Alenko on the shoulder and together they joined Garrus behind a stack of crates.

'Alenko, we need a blockage behind us,' he pointed to the crates and the biotic nodded and proceeded to lift the crates.

It didn't take long to move them into place, forming a wall so they didn't have to worry too much about troops coming up behind them. It wouldn't be obvious from the room they'd just left and he knew it would only take a couple of grenades to remove but it might give them time to clear a path ahead. Once he was satisfied he moved beside Garrus as Alenko took a moment to recover.

'Straight up and through the opposite corridor, there are consoles in the room up there we can use for cover.' James pointed ahead.

Garrus nodded and prepared proximity mines, leaving a parting gift for anyone who came up the corridor behind them. Two Guardians waited for them at the top of the inclined corridor and they ducked behind cover. Alenko threw them backwards, James lobbed grenades and Garrus assisted their backward stumble with concussive shots. Their shields gave them some protection from the strength of the attack but they had no time to recover as a second wave sent them reeling. James put shots through their helmets as he led the dash across the open space into the corridor beyond.

'I'm counting eight between us and the docking platform,' said Alenko, between breaths.

'Scars, can you give us two lines of proximity mines, there and there,' he indicated the doorway they'd just come through and the open space in the room ahead. 'Esteban, talk to me.'

'Almost there,' the pilot sounded pissed and James understood his frustration.

'You heard him,' James checked his shotgun, 'we need to hold a bit longer.'

Holding was about all they could do as Cerberus troops came at them from every direction. They worked their way across the room, taking fire but returning in kind. It seemed like they were winning but troops continued to appear. There was no time to catch a breath.

Garrus yelled something the translators didn't recognise before adding, 'my shields are down.'

James flicked his eyes to where Garrus crouched behind a small console and knew it would take time before he could move. He reached into his grenade pack to find it empty. _Fuck!_ He glanced around the room, he knew there were weapons caches, he'd seen them on his search of the place. His eyes landed on one in a corner to his left. To get there he'd be out in the open but they were going to need grenades if they had any hope of getting out of this in one piece.

'Alenko, I need a distraction.' The biotic nodded and James moved.

He could hear the crash as troopers flew through the air and landed on top of each other, feel the electricity in the air as Alenko used a reave and he heard the resounding shots of his heavy pistol. James didn't have time to look as he slid to a halt beside the weapons cache, grabbing a handful of grenades and lobbing them in the general direction of the confusion Alenko created. He refilled his pack and turned to run back when a shot struck his shoulder and his shields sizzled.

He looked up to see three troopers coming through the door between them and the landing pad. There was no cover, he stood up and flattened himself against the wall behind a sliver of a bulkhead but it wasn't enough, especially with the artefact crate pushing him forward. He also knew that Garrus would be exposed too, his small cover in direct line of sight to the doorway. Sucking in a breath, letting out a roar, he charged.

It was the last thing the troopers expected and their hesitation was all he needed. He unclipped the crate from his back, slid it across the floor towards the troopers, dropped and rolled. He felt the impact as he hit the armoured legs but inertia kept him moving enough to slide on his back and bring his shotgun up. The three troopers hit the ground in an ungainly heap and before they could untangle themselves James was firing. Shots from the other side told him Garrus was too. All three troopers dropped to the ground and stayed there.

Garrus dashed to the doorway taking cover behind it as James got to his feet and took up position on the opposite side. He peered around the corner to see Alenko crouched behind a console as troops advanced on his position. James opened fire and Garrus did the same. Using everything in their arsenal they gave Alenko the time and space he needed to join them and he dropped into a corner where a crate met the wall. James looked down at him to see him breathing heavily and there was a slight shake to his hands. The furrowing of his brow wasn't good and James guessed he'd overtaxed his biotics.

'You good, Alenko,' his attention was pulled back to the Cerberus troopers as they regrouped and moved towards them.

'Yeah,' he blew out a breath. 'Just need a minute.'

'We've got this,' James followed Garrus' concussive shot with grenades. 'Are we clear below?'

'Appears so for now,' he heard the biotic move and assumed he was recovered enough to go on.

'Scars,' James looked to Garrus who nodded and proceeded to place a line of proximity mines just inside the doorway.

James dropped back, reattached the artefact to his back and turned to check on Alenko who readied his pistol. They moved forward and just when he thought they might have gotten a break another wave of troopers dropped in.

'Where the fuck are these pendejos coming from!?' James crouched behind a crate as Alenko took up position at the top of the stairs.

'Heading back, be ready,' Cortez spoke into his ear.

'Roger that,' he sighed and looked at the platform below. 'You have tangos on the pad.' He heard Cortez acknowledge his report. 'We need to clear that pad,' he looked at Alenko who nodded as Garrus joined them.

'That's a lot of troops down there,' Garrus pointed out and threw a grin at James, 'you might just get the chance to match my kill count.'

'You're on Scars,' James smirked at him. 'First to the shuttle buys the beers.'

There was a non-stop barrage of rockets, tech, biotic and turret attacks as they slowly made their way down the stairs. The fog in James mind was getting thicker as they fought back, his reflexes slowing and he knew Alenko and Garrus would be feeling the same, well, maybe not Garrus because the turian was a hard bastard to beat. He knew for sure though that they couldn't keep this up much longer.

They managed to take cover close to where the shuttle would be and just when he thought they might be safe troopers started arriving on the platform from below, coming up behind where they were hiding. Alenko threw the first two off before they could plant their boots on the deck. The next two went screaming backward from a combined carnage and concussive shot. But the distraction allowed an engineer to set up a turret that would drop their shields the moment they ran for the shuttle. Rocket troopers had them pinned from that direction too so taking out that turret was close to impossible.

Troops had settled in at the top of the stairs and were peppering their position with never ending gunfire and tech attacks. James heard the familiar sound of the shuttle engines and he had never been so relieved. It was short lived though as two more troops came up from below but he almost laughed as the shuttle came down on top of them before they had time to reach the platform. Now all they had to do was get there in one piece.

'Scars,' James slid the small crate that carried the artefact towards the turian. 'Take this and get to the shuttle.' Garrus was quick if anyone could make it with some shielding left it was him. 'Alenko, you go too, keep a barrier up around both of you if you can.'

There was no hesitation as Garrus met his eyes and accepted the item they had come here to collect. James was surprised to see admiration in the turian's eyes and as he flicked a glance at Alenko he saw respect there too.

'If this is your way of forcing me to buy beers it doesn't count,' Garrus prepared himself.

'If we get out of this in one piece I'll buy the beers,' James grimaced, the reality of their position not lost on any of them. James switched to his assault rifle, while he loved his shotgun he needed the speed of the rifle. 'Ready?' They both nodded and he tightened his grip with one hand, preparing grenades with the other. 'Go!'

The pair moved quickly as James lobbed the last of his grenades and leant around cover to distract the turret long enough for them to get clear. It wasn't enough though and the sound of rockets firing made his stomach churn. His shields reacted as shots hit him from behind forcing him to duck down between crates. He watched as Garrus and Alenko raced across the platform towards the open shuttle hatch. But they ran out of time.

His eyes widened in horror as Alenko's barrier dropped from a rocket hit, as he stumbled and knocked Garrus forward, as a rocket hit the shuttle and it shunted backwards. Alenko's momentum forced them towards the edge of the platform. They were still on their feet, barely, but they were fighting to find their balance, the gap between them and the shuttle widened as Cortez dropped below the level to avoid taking fire. A rocket hit the ground at their feet, flinging them into the air, arms and legs flailing. James cried out in fear as he watched them disappear from view, as another team was lost because of him.

The sound of boots coming closer didn't register as he sat on the ground, his head buried in his hands, his heart racing and his stomach contents close to escaping. How could he face Shepard? How could he go back and tell her he'd lost two of her closest friends? It would be better for him to die right here, it was what he deserved.

The image of her beautiful brown eyes popped into his head, pleading with him, fearful of losing him. She expected better of him, from both the soldier and the man. It drove him out of his despair and he lifted his head, reaching for his rifle, as the shuttle appeared before him. His eyes widened in surprise. One shot from the front cannon took out the turret and the rocket troopers before it turned side on.

'Vega, get your ass on the shuttle.' Garrus yelled at him.

The sound of bodies hitting the ground, the _rat-a-tat-tat_ of assault rifle fire and the cursing in his ear had him scrambling to his feet. The platform under his feet shuddered and shifted, he could only guess that the shuttle cannon had damaged it. His feet were already moving as the shuttle drew closer. The platform shifted again and it dropped suddenly at the precise moment something hit him in the leg. He lost his footing but his boots eventually hit the falling surface and it careened him forward into a flying leap. The shuttle came up quicker than he expected and he rolled across the floor, coming to a crashing halt against the opposite hatch.

Cortez had them underway before the hatch completely closed. He leant against the door and looked up to see Garrus bent over, his hands resting on his knees as he sucked in air. Alenko was on the floor, backed up against the seat to James' left, a nasty gash on his forehead dripping blood down his face. They were alive, he had no idea how but he'd take it.

'Everyone okay,' he sidled around until he was resting against the seat, not having the energy to stand.

'Yeah,' Kaidan nodded then winced as he wiped blood out of his eye and reached for the first aid kit.

'How … I saw you both go over the edge?' He looked from one to the other.

'Cortez did some fancy flying,' Garrus slid down the wall and joined them on the floor. 'Caught us like we were those balls you humans like to throw into baskets.'

'Way to go, Esteban, and nice work knocking the Cerberus troops out with the shuttle.'

'You're not the only one who can use the shuttle as a weapon, Mr Vega.'

'Just hope Shepard doesn't yell at you.'

'For bringing you all back alive, I don't think so.' The pilot chuckled, 'she's was yelling at me through the com, she's not used to watching, is she.'

'Nah,' James dropped his eyes to the floor, the urge to close them and sleep for a week making them heavy, the thought of Shepard screaming at Esteban making him smile.

Pain shot up his leg and he glanced down at his calf to find a straight through hole in his armour and blood slowly seeping out. That was going to hurt when he stood up but it could wait for the doc. The image of Garrus and Alenko flying through the air, arms and legs akimbo jumped into his head and he chuckled.

'Something funny, James?' Garrus tilted his head at him.

'You should have seen you two,' his chuckle turned into laughter and he waved his arms in the air. 'Arms and legs going everywhere as you flew through the air.' He was laughing louder and Garrus chuckled as Alenko grinned.

'You should have seen them when I was catching them,' Cortez was chuckling too, 'windmill arms and legs kicking.'

Adrenaline wore off, exhaustion kept them on the floor but they were alive. Laughter echoed around them as they shared the relief and knew that today had brought them closer than ever. They were true comrades in arms, sharing a closeness that only imminent death can bring. James might resent Alenko for wanting Shepard but right then he was a fellow soldier who he could laugh with. It felt good and the shuttle ride was so much better for it.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay guys, real life getting in the way sucks. Anyway, this is from Shepard's POV so I hope you enjoy.

 

**** 51 ****

'I knew I should have gone,' Shepard's boots thumped the deck as she walked backwards and forwards in the small space. 'I should be down there.'

'So why aren't you?' Joker spun his seat and she raised her head in surprise. 'Yes you did say that aloud. Why did you give James the mission?'

'Because he needs to … ,' she stopped and Joker narrowed his eyes at her.

'What's going on, Shepard?'

'I just thought he needed the confidence boost and the experience.'

'Uh-huh,' Joker folded his hands together over his stomach and stared at her, it amazed her how he could see right through her.

'He's the XO, he should be able to lead missions.' She glared at the pilot who smirked and continued to stare at her. 'It is my decision on who leads missions.' It wasn't her place to let others know about James' N recommendation which was partly why she'd let him take the mission.

'Yes, but you always lead the missions,' Joker pointed out, waving his hand at her. 'Why James, why now?'

'I'm under fire!' Steve's voice cut into their conversation and Joker spun to look at his screens. 'I need to get Cerberus off my ass and I'll be back.'

'Shit,' Shepard went to reach over Joker to activate the coms but he slapped her hand away. 'Joker, I need to … .'

'Let them do their job,' Joker pushed her arm gently away and she scowled at him, 'without distraction.' He brought up the radar and Shepard's eyes immediately focussed on the quickly moving dots as they danced around each other.

'But they need … .'

'To be able to think without you yelling in their ear.'

'Are you going to finish everything I start?'

'Only when you're being unreasonable.'

'I'm the Captain of this ship and I order you to open those coms.' She cocked her hip and folded her arms across her stomach.

'Fine,' he opened the coms.

'Cortez, you need to get back there and extract the team,' she realised she was yelling and lowered her voice.

'I know that Shepard!' Steve bit back and she flinched. 'I'm doing my best. Shit!' They heard alarms in the com feed just before it disappeared.

'Steve,' she spoke into the silence but there was no response. 'Joker we need to help him.' Watching was infuriating, the lack of control made her feel useless, and she didn't like it.

'By the time we get there Steve won't need us,' he pointed out, 'give him a minute.'

Her eyes followed the dancing dots and she let out a breath as one disappeared, the shuttle was still flying. She looked down at Joker to see him frowning at her.

'Okay, you were right.'

She stepped back and returned to her pacing only to rush forward again as the team was almost overwhelmed. She pushed on the back of Joker's chair as panic took hold.

'You know what,' she dropped her gaze to him as he shook his head and closed down the suit feed. 'No more you not leading the missions, either that or you go watch the feed somewhere else.'

'What have I sent them into,' she gasped and dropped into the navigator's chair, the deck plating capturing her eyes. 'This was supposed to be an easy mission.'

She sucked in a breath and fought down the instinctive urge to push past Joker and give them orders. They were her trusted soldiers, she needed to let them do their jobs. They were capable, she knew that, they followed her orders, sure, but they were warriors in their own right. She would put her life in their hands any time, just as they put theirs in hers. Joker was staring at her as she looked up and he nodded, as if he knew she'd settled and come to her senses. He re-opened the feed and gunfire echoed around the bridge as the sound of heavy breathing and cursing hissed through the coms.

'Alenko, to me,' she heard James order but static drowned out the rest of his words.

'Do you trust James?'

She blinked and her eyes were wide as she looked to Joker, 'of course I do.'

'Then stop worrying, he can handle this and he has two of the finest beside him.' Joker looked at her from under his cap.

'How can you be so sure?'

'Seriously,' he scoffed, 'I've sat here and watched often enough to know what you and the team are capable of. You're all damn superheroes with powers and shit.'

'I've never really thought about that before,' she rubbed her hands over her face and her eyes moved back to the screen.

'You really love him don't you?'

'What?' She gaped at him, 'why do you say that?'

'As if it's not obvious,' Joker laughed and she glared at him.

An explosion blasted onto the bridge pulling them back to the feed. Shepard moved behind Joker's chair as they watched Kaidan dive into cover alongside James. She knew he would be trying to think of a way out, to get them to safety.

'The corridor,' she muttered and, as if he'd heard her, he led Kaidan towards Garrus.

She blew out a breath and she felt Joker move as he tilted his head to look at her. Her eyes stuck to the screen and she was impressed when James ordered Kaidan to move the crates.

'Yes,' she hissed as they took down the guardians.

'Nice,' Joker agreed.

She had to admit, she was proud of James, so far he'd handled himself well, managed his team effortlessly. He might be nervous, cautious and worried about letting her down but it didn't show. The man on the screen was everything she expected, smart, quick thinking and caring. How could she not love him? She was confident they would be fine, right up until the point everything went to hell.

'Oh crap,' Joker's words had her gripping the back of his seat.

'Shit, James what are you doing? Where the hell are these troops coming from?'

There was total confusion on the screen. Her guts twisted as Garrus huddled behind a console that gave little protection, as James left cover only to be trapped by more troops arriving. She swallowed hard to drown the bile in her throat as he slid across the floor, knocking the oncoming troopers off their feet. The motion made her stomach churn and her fingers clenched even harder on Joker's chair.

'He's been watching you,' Joker commented but the words went ignored.

She forced herself to relax, taking long deep breaths as James and Garrus took up positions either side of the door. But her heart was pounding as she waited for Kaidan to make it safely to the same spot.

'Heading back, be ready,' Steve announced and her eyes flicked to the radar screen to see a single dot.

She'd completely forgotten about him in the chaos and guilt gnawed at her. He was part of her team too, he deserved the same level of concern as everyone else.

'See, told you,' Joker sounded cocky and she glared at him.

'You've got tangos on the pad,' James informed him through the sound of turrets and explosions.

'Shit, shit, shit,' Shepard needed to pace, she wanted to be down there. 'Joker we need to give them air support.'

'Shepard, they're inside a building, I'm good but even I can't guarantee that I can blow that building up without killing them.'

She stared at him and knew he was right. But what if they didn't make it back? What if she had sent them to their deaths? Three of her best were being overrun and there was nothing she could do. But she could. They had a second shuttle, EDI could fly it, Liara would go with her. She turned towards the door.

'EDI, prep the second shuttle and tell Liara to suit up.'

'Wait!' Joker spun his seat and was on his feet before she finished.

'They need help,' she pointed at the screen with a trembling finger. 'I'm their commander and I need to get them back alive.'

'Shepard, how is it going to make James feel if you go dashing to his rescue?' Joker grabbed her finger and held her hand in his, 'not to mention if you end up getting yourself killed?'

'They could die down there!'

'And so could you every time you go on a mission, it's the risk you all take. You said you trusted him,' he reminded her and released her hand, 'but if it's what you need to do then do it.'

She looked back at the screen, torn between wanting to rush to his rescue and the reality of Joker's words. Indecision was something she'd rarely dealt with and she wasted precious seconds before turning towards the door, opening her mouth to order the shuttle prepped.

She heard James order Garrus and Alenko to the shuttle and looked back. She knew they needed covering fire, that he was making the right decision but she also knew that he would sacrifice himself, give his life so they would get to safety. It was what she would do and he could do no less. _James._ Her heart pounded, the roar of her own blood muffled sound, her legs threatened to give out as her bodyweight forced them to bend.

Her hand went to her mouth to smother a cry as the shuttle took a hit and dropped, as Kaidan's barrier did the same and both he and Garrus tumbled off the platform and their suit feed went dark. James was alone, overwhelmed and shocked. Even Joker needed to sit as he stumbled back to his chair, his eyes wide and his skin pale. She watched as the feed went dark and she realised James was huddled up, his arm blocking the camera feed. She couldn't look away. If he was going to die she would do him the honour of watching because there was nothing else she could do.

'Get up, please, get up,' she begged softly as her heart broke and tears burned her eyes. 'Please.' She still had time, she spun to leave, to get down there.

'Yes!' Joker sat up in his chair and Shepard's eyes flew to the screen, what had he seen that she couldn't. 'Knew they wouldn't give up.'

She watched as James moved, picked up his rifle and glanced around the room. His suit feed showed too many troopers for him take on alone but she heard the click as he loaded a clip. She wanted to hear his voice, tell him she loved him and she reached past Joker to activate the com.

She would never forget the moment the shuttle appeared from beneath the platform, as it opened fire, taking down turrets and troops, as it turned to reveal Garrus in the doorway and Kaidan on the floor.

'Vega, get your ass on the shuttle.'

Shepard couldn't stop the choked half sob that escaped, she didn't even try as Joker reached out and took her hand. Pain stabbed at her chest as she held her breath, as the platform dropped away and James lost his footing. She gasped for air as he rolled into the shuttle and she fell to her knees as the hatch closed. He was safe. They were all coming back.

She shifted so she was sitting and buried her hands in her hair, dropping her head into the hollow of her arms. Joy, pride, guilt and self-recrimination warred within. She was emotionally compromised, she knew that. It was something she promised would never happen. The shaking in her hands and the burning eyes were emotions she couldn't afford, not if she was to succeed. She needed to get control back and the only way to do that was to become unemotional, sever the tie to things that threatened to overwhelm her.

'Shepard, don't you dare,' Joker growled and she felt him sit awkwardly beside her.

'What?' She lifted her head to find him glaring at her through moist eyes, his cap pushed to the back of his head so his face was clearly visible.

'Close down, not now. Don't shut out those emotions, or the people that cause them, they deserve better than that. Don't become cold and uncaring.'

'How … ?'

'Because it's what you do.' His warm fingers closed around hers and she welcomed the contact. 'When you came back, when Kaidan broke your heart, shit, when Garrus took that rocket to the face, you closed off your emotions. You're not a nice person when you do that.'

'Really, thanks,' she smirked at him.

'You deserve happiness, Shepard, and if you close yourself off you won't have that, besides,' he grinned and she frowned at him, 'I hate to think what James would do to my ship if you tell him it's over. He packs a mean punch and the bulkheads wouldn't stand a chance.'

'So the ship is more important than my heartbreak?'

'Hard choice,' he stroked his beard in mock concentration and she slapped his arm. 'Ow, delicate here.'

'How do you do this,' she wrapped her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder. 'How can you sit here and watch, knowing we might not come back?'

'Never said it was easy, you're my family,' he shrugged and she resettled her head. 'There are times you scare the living shit out of me, give me a heart attack and make me throw up. Other times it's fun, sometimes it's just routine. I trust you, Shepard, I know what you can do and how well you do it. I help when I can but mostly I sit here and bite my nails,' he held out his hand to show her his nails, which were neatly trimmed, and he laughed as she lifted her head and frowned at him.

'Maybe I should get you to write our mission reports seeing as how you see so much.'

'I doubt Hackett would like my version, there would be too much swearing and cursing in it.' He shifted and she knew he was uncomfortable. 'But you know what you have to do now.'

'What?' She got to her feet and held out her hand to help him up.

'Go and meet that shuttle, tell the man you love how proud you are of him. Hell, give him a huge smacking kiss.'

'That would be unprofessional of me,' she grinned at the thought.

'Pfft! As if anyone on this ship cares, besides, it would give the crew something to talk about, true love and all that,' he settled back into his chair.

'Thanks Joker,' she leaned down and kissed his cheek.

'Yeah, yeah,' he squirmed in his seat but he couldn't hide his grin, 'now go, get off my bridge before all this soppy stuff makes it messy.' He waved towards the door.

Shepard stepped through the door with a lighter heart. Yes she was emotionally compromised but rather than shut it off she could learn to live with it. She wanted to be happy. If that meant allowing feelings she thought she'd never have maker her vulnerable she would have to deal with it. She could do that because having the love of a man like James was worth every painful moment.

The shuttle landed as she stepped onto the hangar deck and she stopped for a moment to watch the four men congratulating each other as the hatch opened. They had shared an experience that could only bring them closer and it was obvious in the way they nudged each others shoulders, clasped each others forearms and simply stood together. Their limbs were heavy, their armour weighed them down but their backs were straight and there was pride in their eyes.

She was grinning as she walked towards them. It grew to a smile as she heard that voice, the one that caused her heart to flutter, made her ache for the touch of his hands and the feel of his lips on hers. She watched him step out of the shuttle, favouring one leg but his eyes searched the bay, coming to rest on her. He smiled and the world exploded with colour and light.

'Hey, Lola,' his relief and joy easily heard as his eyes drank her in.

He had come through a narrow escape and stepping foot on the deck had to be sweet but she could give him much more than that. She closed the distance between them, a laugh escaping as he looked at her in surprise. With no thought of consequences, or who was watching, she jumped, wrapped her arms around his neck and claimed his lips as Joker's laughter echoed around the bay. The feel of his arms closing around her made her heart sing.

'Do we all get one of those?' Garrus was chuckling beside them as she buried her face in James' neck.

'I hope not,' James laughed and she loved the rumble in his chest, the feel of him shaking against her.

She released her hold and he kept his hands on her hips until her feet were firmly on the deck before his hand gripped hers and she could feel the tension in his fingers. Dragging her eyes from his she looked at the others in turn. Today was too close, she knew it, they knew it and it was something she never wanted to go through again.

'Nice job,' she grinned and they all understood the underlying meaning. 'I'm still not sure how you managed it but I'm glad you did.'

'Well, Steve had a big part in it,' Kaidan gripped the pilot's shoulder and Garrus nodded. 'And now I need a shower.'

'You'd better get that head looked at,' James reminded him and she couldn't help the surge of pride that washed over her. 'But a shower sounds good.'

'Can I help with that?' She asked innocently, but the heat in her eyes left no doubt as to her intention.

'That's it,' Garrus groaned, 'I'm leaving.'

The three men walked off laughing and she turned to James who had pulled her towards him. She settled against him and cupped his face with her hands.

'I thought I'd lost you today,' she swallowed hard as a lump formed in her throat.

'Yeah,' he brought his forehead down to rest on hers, 'me too.' She shivered as he ran his fingers down her face. 'But if this is the kind of welcome home I get … .'

'No, I don't want to go through that again. Ever!'

'I guess Alenko will know about us now.'

'Guess so,' she shrugged and knew as he slid his arm around her waist and led her to his workspace that he didn't want to talk about the mission yet. He was limping and she glanced down, 'are you hurt?'

'It's just a scratch,' he shrugged and kept walking. 'So, Lola,' she shivered as he dropped his head and spoke softly into her ear, his breath on her neck raising goose bumps. 'You want to help me with my shower?'

'Well I do have a private one in my quarters,' she grinned as he sucked in a breath.

'Lead the way,' his voice dropped and she loved how it washed over her, a wave of pure lust that awoke feelings she had no desire to ignore.

She waited for him to grab his gear, took his hand and led him to the elevator. 'Joker, get us back on course for the Far Rim.'

'Roger that. I have the ship so you can go be unprofessional for a while.'

His chuckle was the last thing they heard as they stepped into the elevator where everything but each others lips was ignored. The reality of the day hit with all its magnitude and the need to feel the life they'd almost lost had them scrambling to remove clothing, It wasn't until they were naked under the shower that they paused long enough to tenderly re-affirm their love with words, which only inflamed their need to be one.

The moment he filled her she knew she couldn't let this go. The instant he called her name with so much passion it brought tears to her eyes she couldn't ignore her own want and need. As they went over the edge together, gasping for breath and holding on tight she knew she could never leave because this was perfect and right where she should be. She was home.


	52. Chapter 52

 

**** 52 ****

James awoke to smooth sheets and plenty of space. He was in Shepard's bed. He rolled to find her but she was gone and a quick look around her quarters revealed he was alone. Dropping his head back onto the pillow with a loud exhale he knew he should get up, he was in her bed and she wasn't here. That didn't stop him from pulling her pillow towards him and burying his nose into her lingering scent.

She was the drug he craved and he was happy to be addicted. He could never get enough of having her in his arms, of simply being with her and from her welcome home after the last mission he was guessing she felt the same. From the shower to the bed they'd grabbed at life, at each other, their passion inflamed by the nearness of death. It was heady, euphoric and desperate and yet it was tender, loving and sensual. Never in his life had he been so overwhelmed by emotions like he was when he was with his Lola. He was turning into a soppy, lovesick idiot and he wouldn't have it any other way.

He sat up and ran his hands through his hair, pushing the covers aside and planting his feet on the floor. His omnitool beeped and he opened it to find Shepard smiling at him.

'James.

He watched as her eyes looked him up and down, he was naked and he knew her view was zoomed out far enough to see almost all of him. She licked her lips and he grinned.

'See something you like, Lola?'

'Very much so,' she cleared her throat and he heard Joker chuckle behind her.

'Why didn't you wake me?'

'I thought you could do with the rest. I've adjusted the roster so you've got a couple of hours before you're on duty. Take your time.'

'So I didn't wear you out, guess I'll have to try harder next time,' he chuckled as she glanced over her shoulder and colour rushed to her cheeks.

'One of us had to be in command.' Her eyes shone and the corner of her mouth lifted as she spoke a little louder, 'couldn't leave Joker in charge for too long, he might have us on another suicide mission.'

'Hey, I heard that,' the pilot called out.

James laughed as Shepard grinned, 'I'll be down shortly, I'll just shower first so I don't upset Garrus' sensitive nose.'

'Probably a good idea, you should eat too. I'll see you in the mess.'

Having a shower in private was a luxury. He had no problem with sharing facilities, he'd been military long enough for it to be normal, but the space and freedom to enjoy the hot water and quiet was heaven. He lingered longer than he probably should have. He realised as he was drying that he didn't have anything to wear other than his dirty undersuit, and that would definitely ruin the enjoyment of his shower. Maybe he could get EDI to help him get to the cargo bay unnoticed so he could dress in his little corner. He wrapped the towel around his hips and stepped out of the bathroom.

'Oh my god!'

James instinctively reached out to steady the falling woman as she backpedaled away from him.

'Traynor!'

He managed to grab her hands and hold her up. The flush in her cheeks almost making him laugh as her wide eyes looked him up and down.

'What are you doing here?'

'I was just … ,' she swallowed hard and pulled her hands from his, cleared her throat and kept her eyes on his face. 'The Commander asked me to bring you some clothes,' she pointed to a pile on the chair beside them. 'I knocked but you didn't hear me.'

'Sorry, if I'd known you were here I would have stayed in the bathroom,' his hands dropped to the towel which he tightened more securely.

'No, it's okay,' her gaze wandered over his chest before she obviously realised what she was doing and lifted her eyes to his. 'It's not a problem.' Her eyes narrowed and James suddenly felt like a sample under a microscope. 'Bloody hell, you're big.' She spluttered as she realised what she'd said and James couldn't hold in his laughter. 'Sorry.'

She held up her hands and from the mortified look on her face James was sure she was even more embarrassed than him, standing before a good looking woman dressed only in a towel.

'I meant you're well built, muscular,' she stepped back and looked him up and down. 'Shepard is tiny, how do you not squash her when you … ,' she gaped at him and James could almost see her brain working, telling her to shut up as her mouth took control. 'Oh crap,' she closed her eyes and shook her head, 'I'm sorry,' she took another step back, 'I think I'll leave now before I embarrass myself further.'

'Traynor,' James stepped forward and placed his hand on her shoulder, 'it's okay. Don't have much experience with large men I take it.'

'Don't have any experience with men at all, not my type.'

'Ah,' he chuckled and stepped back, leaning against the door frame to seem less intimidating. 'To answer your question, I just have to be careful.' He winked at her and her eyebrows shot up, creating creases in her forehead.

'And that's my cue to leave,' she turned towards the door.

'Thanks, Traynor,' James called around the corner as she stepped into the hallway.

He dressed quickly, still grinning as he imagined Traynor returning to Shepard and explaining their conversation. When he reached the mess the only other person there was Alenko who sat at the table reading a data pad. Campbell had two plates of some kind of pasta dish waiting for him when he approached the galley.

'Major Alenko hasn't eaten either,' she said when he gave her a questioning look.

He nodded and carried both plates to the table, sliding one across to Alenko who looked up in surprise. James was a little shocked by the colour of Alenko's face, he was pale and his eyes sunk into a dark halo.

'You okay, Alenko?' He took the seat opposite as the major nodded.

'Yeah, migraine after the mission, meds fixed it, knocked me out for a while, but real sleep will do better.' He picked up a fork, 'thanks.' He proceeded to dig in and James followed his lead.

'Can't the docs do something about it?'

'Only if I want to replace my L2 with a newer implant, but they can't guarantee its success,' he sighed and chewed another mouthful before continuing. 'Don't think I'd enjoy being a vegetable.'

'I get that,' James agreed loading another forkful as Campbell placed coffee before him and a steaming cup of something green before Alenko.

'Herbal tea,' Kaidan explained at James' curious stare. 'A doctor on the Citadel came up with the mix, suggested it might help and it does, sometimes.'

They ate in silence for a while and James realised that his feelings towards Alenko had changed. There was no anger or jealousy, the man wasn't vindictive or spiteful and James couldn't hate him. Alenko had a past with Shepard but it was exactly that, the past. He might still have feelings for her but James was confident that he didn't stand a chance. Shepard was his now, she'd made that abundantly clear.

'So,' Kaidan sipped his tea and looked at James over the rim of his cup, 'you and Shepard?'

'Is that a problem?'

'There are the fraternisation regs to think about.'

James was thankful he'd finished eating because he definitely would have lost his appetite. He gripped his coffee cup, his knuckles turning white as he came close to breaking it.

'Shepard's a Spectre, didn't think they applied.'

'She's still your CO,' Kaidan pointed out and James met his eyes.

Alenko didn't flinch but there was something … . He had a good poker face, James would give him that but damn if he didn't get the feeling Alenko was playing with him. The corner of Alenko's mouth lifted and he pushed back from the table.

'I'd better go get some sleep, later Vega.'

James watched him walk around the corner and heard Shepard as they crossed paths. There was short, muffled conversation before Shepard appeared. She walked past him, brushing her hand across his shoulder as she headed towards Campbell, returning to sit beside him with a coffee in hand.

'Feeling better?' She nudged his shoulder.

'I was,' he sighed and put his cup down, turning to meet her eyes. 'How much of a stickler for the rules is Alenko?'

'He can be a by the books guy, but he also knows when to let things slide.' Her eyes narrowed, 'Why?'

'He just brought up frat regs.'

'So you were talking about us then,' she reached for his hand and he locked his fingers through hers.

'Yeah,' James looked at their joined hands. 'Should I be worried that he'll report us?'

'What do you think?' There was humour in her eyes and James was a little puzzled as he thought before answering.

'Shit, Lola,' he shrugged and blew out a breath. 'I got the feeling he was playing with me but I don't know … .'

'James,' she cupped the side of his face and the corner of her mouth fascinated him as it lifted, 'you have nothing to worry about.'

'If you say so,' he brought her fingers to his lips. 'I am not giving you up now.'

'I hope not,' she grinned at him. 'Why don't you put some of your stuff in my quarters, just in case.' She picked up her cup and took a sip. 'I hear you had an interesting conversation with Traynor.'

James laughed, 'you could say that.' He was serious as he looked at her though, 'are you sure about wanting my stuff up there, it makes us obvious and serious.'

'You're not serious about this?' Her eyes widened but her lips trembled as she fought to stay solemn.

'Hell yeah I'm serious. When I commit to something I really commit. You should know that by now.'

'Good,' she gave him one of her dazzling smiles and his heart picked up speed.

'I'd better get back to work,' he stood, reluctant to walk away. 'There's probably reports to file, weapons and armour that need cleaning.'

'I'll see you for dinner,' she got up and they walked to the elevator together.

She paused by the memorial wall and James understood that every name on that wall meant something to her, especially the latest additions, Mordin and Thane. It was a reminder of everyone she'd lost but also a testament to everything they were fighting for. The pain was there but so was the determination to make their deaths mean something. She reached out and touched the centre of the wall, closing her eyes as if she was silently promising them just that. Sucking in a deep breath she straightened and followed him into the elevator, her eyes staying on the wall until the doors blocked her view.

* * *

James stood behind Joker's chair, the collar of his dress blues rubbed and he fought the urge to run his finger around the neckline. It felt strange to be in full dress on the ship but he was there to welcome dignitaries of the quarian fleet. It was appropriate.

'Where are they?' Joker was flicking screens in and out of view, James was always fascinated by the speed at which he checked them over.

Peering into the void James questioned how any ship saw another in all that blackness. If it wasn't for radar you could pass one by and never know. He was always in awe of pilots who manoeuvred their ships through the vastness of space and knew exactly where to go. It was just so big.

'What the shit?' Joker sat up in his chair and James' eyes dropped to the radar screen to see a ship almost on top of them. 'Where the hell did they come from? EDI, when did the quarians develop stealth technology?'

'Unknown, this particular ship is unlike other quarian ships.' She brought up an image but James had no idea what a quarian ship was supposed to look like. 'It may be a prototype.'

'They haven't had this before?'

James stared at the image, impressed at how a ship that looked like it was patched together from scrap could survive in the cold of space. He didn't know much about the quarians other than they went to war with the geth centuries ago and they had to wear environment suits all their life.

'Not that we are aware of,' EDI informed him.

'They give me the creeps,' Joker visibly shivered, 'they keep a lot of secrets and hide out in the Veil. They're like that kid at school that doesn't fit in. He sits and watches you, waiting for you to come closer so he can grab you and take all your stuff and eat you – well maybe not eat you. But you know what I mean.'

'Didn't you have one on the Normandy?' James frowned at him.

'Yeah, but that was Tali, she's different.' Joker shrugged and reached out to open the coms.

'This is Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay of the quarian flotilla requesting permission to dock with the Normandy.'

'Roger that, Admiral Raan, permission granted,' Joker replied, his hands constantly moving on his console as he prepared the ship for docking. 'Normandy is standing by.'

James looked up as the ship came into view, coming up from behind, slowly closing the gap between the two vessels. The quarian ship was huge, it dwarfed the Normandy and he was a little concerned that if the pilot wasn't good at his job this could end in disaster. He'd never been on the bridge of a ship during a docking procedure, it was fascinating and terrifying.

He glanced at Joker to find the pilot's eyes glued to his screen, his hands resting on his console, relaxed but ready. James had no doubt that if everything went to hell he would have them on the move instantly, there was no way he would let any harm come to the Normandy. Joker's boast about being the best wasn't just talk, he was very good at his job.

'Wouldn't it be easier for the Normandy to be the one docking, being the smaller ship?' James could see the joins in the hull of the other ship clearly and his fingers curled as his stomach was suddenly very unsettled.

'With an Alliance ship it would be done that way but out here they use a different protocol.' A soft ping echoed around the bridge and Joker pushed a button sending a ping back. 'The ship requesting to dock is the one to manoeuvre.'

'Bet that scares the shit out of you,' James grinned, knowing Joker hated giving up control.

'Fuck yeah!' Another ping and another response. 'I hate it, I know I can do it but can the other pilot,' he glanced out of the viewport as the ship came close enough to see the rivets. 'The worst moment is when they lock on, if they don't come to a complete stop they could rip the side of the ship away.'

It was a frightening image and James jumped as a thud signaled the connection of airlocks. He held his breath, waiting for that moment when everything went wrong.

'Lock secure,' Joker's hands lifted, there was no shake as his fingers hovered over the controls and James had never felt as proud as he did right then about the people he was working with. They were the best at what they did.

'All stop, we have you Normandy.'

'Roger that,' Joker let his hands drop and James let out a sigh of relief. 'You're on,' Joker turned his seat, 'have fun.'

James moved to the airlock, standing at attention as the door cycled open. This was his first official welcome as the Normandy's XO and if he said he wasn't nervous he'd be lying. Four quarians stepped onto the Normandy and he was sure he saw the one at the back wave at Joker but he focussed on his job.

'Welcome aboard the Normandy. I'm Commander Vega, Normandy's XO. If you'll follow me to the war room.'

'Thank you, Commander Vega,' the one in front stepped forward, 'I am Admiral Shala'Raan. Please, lead the way.' She fell into step behind him. 'We have heard a lot about the Normandy,' Admiral Raan commented, glancing around as they walked towards the CIC. 'It's an honour and a privilege to be standing on her decks.'

'She is a ship like no other,' James grinned, his own joy at being on board obvious. 'It's an honour to have you on board, I'm told that it's unusual,' James slowed down so he could walk beside her.

'Yes, we tend to keep to ourselves. It is a risk every time we step off our ships, infection, suit ruptures and just being treated as vermin make it very uninviting to spend time among others.'

'That would be hard, having to stay isolated but needing to interact for resources.' James led them into the scanner room where Westmoreland waited before the door on the opposite side.

'Are we to be scanned like common soldiers?' The quarian behind Raan spoke up, her disdain and arrogance making James frown.

'Admiral Xen, we will follow the protocols of the Normandy, we would expect no less on our own ships.' Raan left no doubt that she wasn't to argue before stepping through the scanner.

'It's standard procedure,' James didn't have to explain but it was his job to be diplomatic, that didn't mean he had to like it. 'Everyone who comes on board and wants to enter the war room goes through it.'

'I should think it's obvious I'm not carrying a weapon.' Xen countered.

'It's not just for weapons, it also scans for tech that might pose a threat or be used to carry the Normandy's secrets to those that might want to disable her.' James glared at the admiral who stepped up to the scanner, her bright but hidden eyes staring at him through her mask. 'I'm sure you understand.'

'Xen, just step through so we can get on with this,' the male quarian sighed through his mask and Xen begrudgingly stepped through.

'Sorry about that,' the last female leant towards James and spoke softly as Westmoreland ushered the other three through the door.

'Not a problem,' James chuckled, 'I was warned.'

'I'm sure,' she laughed softly.

'You're Tali,' James understood why she'd waved at Joker. 'Welcome back to the Normandy.'

'Thank you,' Tali stepped up to the scanner and passed through then waited for him to follow her. 'You have no idea how good it is to be here.'

'I just might,' he grinned as they walked towards the war room.

James entered slightly ahead of Tali who Admiral Raan was introducing as their newest admiral. Shepard's face lit up at the sight of her old friend and James almost faltered on the steps before moving around the central console to stand beside her. He rolled his eyes as she looked at him before hiding her grin by looking down at the datapad in her hand. Alenko, standing on the other side of Shepard, glanced at him but James turned his eyes forward, not wanting to provide more ammunition for his already growing list of things to use against him.

'All, right,' Shepard looked up, 'Admiral Raan, it's good to see you again.'

'As it is you, Capt … sorry, Commander Shepard.'

'It's okay,' Shepard let her grin escape, 'it is Captain now, at least on board the Normandy. Spectre Alenko is here to represent the Council and you've already met my XO Commander Vega. We got word you wanted to talk so here we are. What can we do for you?"

From the moment Admiral Raan started talking James knew they were heading into a firefight that would draw them away from the war with the Reapers. He could feel Shepard's frustration and anger as the quarians explained but he had no doubt she would help. The quarians had the biggest fleet in the galaxy and they were going to need them. The idiocy of the situation wasn't lost on him, or Alenko if his head shaking was any indication. Of all the times for it to happen the quarians had done something stupid. They had gone to war with the Geth.


	53. Chapter 53

**** 53 ****

James listened to the briefing, taking on a geth dreadnought from the inside seemed impossible. The very fact that they were talking about it made him realise that he wasn't just on any ship. He was on the Normandy and Commander Shepard was in control.

'We need to disable this signal, give the quarians time to escape,' Shepard glanced around the room and her eyes landed on James. 'Any ideas?'

'Do we know how many geth we'll be facing?' Garrus asked and there were several nods around the table.

'No, I guess it depends on how many mobile platforms they have on board.'

'That's what the geth use to stay mobile, right?' James asked and he turned towards Tali as she responded.

'Yes, the geth are mostly software, programs linked to form a consensus. Even when they use the mobile platforms they are still linked to that consensus.'

'I think Legion showed us that they've come a lot further than just being software,' Shepard reminded her.

'Maybe, but they can still be destroyed.'

'So, what kind of units do you think they'll have?' James sat forward, he'd seen reports on the variety of geth units but knowing what they would be facing would be helpful.

'I'd guess hunters, rocket troops, maybe primes,' Shepard shrugged, 'it's hard to say but whatever they have we will take them down.'

James smiled at the determination in her voice: that was his Lola. But there was something he knew and while didn't like it he had to face facts. Taking Tali was already decided, firepower would help but extra tech would help more.

'You'll need a tech heavy team on this one.'

He saw the moment the tightness around her eyes released, the instant her jaw relaxed. She had wanted to say it but hesitated because she knew how much he hated her going out without him. It bothered him that she felt that way and the thought that their relationship was affecting her decisions didn't make him happy at all.

'I agree,' Garrus glanced at James and nodded.

'Kaidan, are you up for this?' Shepard looked to the biotic.

'Yes, ma'am,' he grinned as Shepard rolled her eyes at him.

'Joker,' she glanced at the ceiling, 'ETA?'

'About forty five minutes to system insert.'

'Okay people, you know what to do.'

James waited until everyone left before moving closer to Shepard. He tumbled into her eyes as she looked up at him, a freefall into heaven that he never wanted to stop. Just the thought of her eyes was enough to send him spiralling into fantasy, but every time he looked into them it became a reality that he still couldn't believe was his.

'James,' her soft voice sent pleasant shivers down his spine.

'Shepard,' he leant his hip against the table and folded his arms across his chest, not failing to notice the slight narrowing of her eyes at how he addressed her. 'Why did you hesitate about not having me on the team?'

She stared at him for a moment before letting out a loud sigh and running her hand through her hair.

'Because I like having you at my back and I know how much you enjoy being there,' she scoffed at his grin, 'besides the obvious.' She moved beside him, parked her backside against the edge of the table and her shoulder brushed his. 'We work well together, it's a good dynamic and I don't want to break it. But,' her eyes grazed his face as she paused, 'sometimes I need a different skill set and I hate having to tell you.'

He took her hand in his and turned so he was facing her, 'I love being at your back you know that but I want you to be safe. If that means needing someone else on the team I get that. I'll be a nervous wreck the whole time you're gone but I understand.' He brushed her face gently and she leaned into his touch, causing his breath to hitch. 'I don't want you to change because of us. You are Commander Shepard, you need to be her when it comes to missions, not my Lola. I'm a marine, I get how it works, no matter how much I want to be there with you.'

'God, what did I do to deserve you, Jimmy Vega?' She slid her arms around his waist and moulded herself to his chest.

'I think that's the other way around,' he chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her, loving the feel of her against him. 'Just come back safe, okay.' He met her lips as she lifted her face to his.

'I'll do my best,' she whispered as they parted.

James stepped back. His hands rested on her arms as he drank her in, memorising the freckles across her nose, the flush of colour in her cheeks and the fullness of her lips. Her eyes shone as he met them, the golden flecks in dark honey drawing him in like drone to a queen. She blinked and the moment faded.

'I'd better head down and do a weapons check,' he dropped his hands to his sides and she looked down at them as if she wanted to grab them and never let go.

'I'll be down shortly,' she nodded, turned and picked up her datapads from the table.

They parted at the CIC and James fought down the worry that was already eating away his gut. He knew logically she needed others for this mission but that didn't stop him from desperately wanting to go with her. His thoughts were turned to other things though as he stepped off the elevator on the cargo deck.

'Tali,' he hurried towards the quarian who seemed to be lost, 'are you okay?'

'Yes, no,' she played with her fingers and James really wished he could see under her mask. 'I came down looking for the armoury, it used to be up on the command deck but things have changed since I was last here.'

'Yeah, it was brought back to Alliance specs,' he led her to his workspace.

'It is a more sensible layout,' she agreed as they stopped at his table. 'I was wondering if there are any new shotgun mods, we don't always have access to the latest technology on the fleet.'

'I've got a few you might like,' he laid out his collection before her and she checked them over carefully.

'So, you and Shepard … ,' she lifted her face towards him but all he could see was the shine of her eyes.

'Yeah,' he nodded.'

'Good,' she picked up a spare thermal clip and locked it into place. 'She needs someone and she looks happy. She deserves to be happy.'

'Try the lightweight material,' James pointed to the mod.

'Thanks,' she set to work putting it together, accepting his help as he offered her tools and he was impressed at how fast she worked. 'I see Kaidan is back on board.'

James glanced at her but she was focussed on her weapon. 'Yeah, came back after the Citadel coup, he nearly died on Mars.'

'So I heard,' she finished her work and palmed her shotgun, moving it around to get a feel for the new weight. 'That's nice,' James was sure she was grinning. 'Hope he's not giving you any trouble. If he does, send him to me.'

'Really,' James chuckled. 'No, he's not causing problems. I think he's playing with me though.'

'His sense of humour does need a little work,' Tali laughed and James could see himself being friends with her. 'I'd better go and let the admirals know what's going on.' There was a sadness to her voice that surprised James.

'Something wrong?'

'No … , yes,' she put her shotgun away, shifted from foot to foot and her fingers constantly wound themselves around each other. 'Everyone is depending on me and I'm not sure I can live up to their ideals.'

'Hey,' James gently took her hands, stopping the crazy movements of her fingers. 'You were at the Citadel with Shepard, you were on the Collector ship and you are here now, where you belong. You're a part of Shepard's team and she doesn't put people in that position if she can't rely on them or trust them.'

'Thanks,' she held his hand for a moment, 'I can see why Shepard likes you.'

'Back at ya,' he grinned. 'Do you need armour, I mean … ,' he looked her up and down, 'just how protective are those suits.'

'They're stronger than they look,' she rubbed her hand down her arm. 'They're designed to protect us from anything that will pose a hazard, including most projectiles and weapons fire. We also have excellent kinetic shields.'

'Good to know, I've never worked with a quarian before.'

'We're not all idiots and loud mouths,' she cocked her head and James laughed. 'I'd better go.'

James watched her walk away, hoping he had the chance to get to know her. There was no doubt in his mind that she was special to Shepard so she was someone he'd like to learn more about. He went back to work making sure Shepard's weapons were primed and ready to go and was just finishing when the elevator opened and Alenko stepped out. Observing without making it obvious James saw him head to his locker and start getting ready. Knowing how hard it sometimes was to get the back pieces just right he wandered over to help.

'Hey Alenko, need me to check your back?'

'Sure,' he turned and James double-checked everything before patting him on the shoulder. 'Thanks.'

Something about his mood had James examining him closely. He was following his usual pattern, loading ammo, running through a series of biotic exercises that made his skin glow but something was eating at him.

You okay, Alenko,' James' curiosity finally got the better of him.

'Just a bit concerned I guess,' he glanced at James who waited patiently. 'This is the first time I've gone up against the geth since Shepard … . well for a long time. I'm assuming they've changed, become more powerful. Just working through scenarios to deal with them.'

'Point and shoot, or in your case, throw, point and shoot.' James shrugged and Alenko chuckled.

'Is that your answer for everything?'

'Works for me.' James started walking back to his bench and Alenko followed. 'Did you get some disruptor clips?'

'Yeah, but a few more will be helpful while I'm waiting for the tech to recharge.' He took the clips James offered and slipped them into his ammo pouch.

'I don't have the patience for tech,' James shook his head, 'wouldn't mind the biotics though.'

'Maybe you wouldn't if you had them.'

'Why's that?'

'People mistrust us, they don't know how to deal with us, hell some even believe we can read minds.' He gave his weapons a final check. 'It's better now than it used to be but a lot of Alliance soldiers don't want to have a biotic on their team.'

'Well I don't mind,' James reassured him. 'I've worked with a biotic before,' he dropped his eyes as he thought of Essex and his bravado.

'Where is he … she?'

'He, and he died on Fehl Prime.' James went quiet for a moment but he could feel Alenko's eyes on him.

'Sorry,' he spoke softly into the silence. 'So, I get some alone time with Shepard.' He commented as he rolled his shoulders and straightened up.

James gripped the edge of his bench until his knuckles were white before turning, cocking a hip, folding his arms across his chest and staring at Alenko.

'Alenko, either you're trying to piss me off or your joke delivery sucks.' He was surprised when the biotic burst out laughing.

'I've been told that before,' he was chuckling and James shook his head.

'Maybe you should tell everyone you're joking like EDI does,' James straightened and looked him in the eye. 'That's assuming you are joking and just trying to get me to bite.'

'You know once I thought there might have been a chance, even after my fuck up on Horizon.' He turned and leant against James' bench, glanced around the bay before bringing his gaze back to James. 'I've seen the way she looks at you and I know I don't have a hope in hell. Maybe it's better that way. Besides,' he picked up his pistol and assault rifle and locked them into place, 'that kiss she gave you after our last mission left no doubt about how she feels. Even if I tried she'd shoot me down.' He paused and his eyes seemed to lose their lustre, 'I had my chance and I blew it.'

As if on cue the elevator opened and Shepard walked towards them, armoured and ready to go. Her eyes locked on James and a smile softened her face.

'See,' Alenko chuckled. 'Don't worry Vega, I'll take care of her.' He turned and headed for the elevator.

'You two getting along okay?' Shepard glanced from James to Alenko's retreating back.

'Yeah,' James nodded, 'he's not a bad guy, once you get past his sense of humour.' He picked up Shepard's collection of weapons, 'all ready for you to kick some geth ass, Lola.'

'That's my intention,' she turned so he could check her armour before locking her guns into place.

'Commander, we're about to drop in system,' Joker informed them.

'I'll walk you up,' James took her hand as they headed for the elevator and felt her reassuring squeeze of his fingers.

They only had minutes but James made the most of it as the elevator rose, kissing her with all the passion in his heart. It wasn't goodbye but if it was the last kiss they ever had he wanted her to know exactly how he felt. She responded in kind, her gloved hands rough against his face as she let him into her soul.

The elevator doors opened to reveal them standing side by side, shoulder to shoulder, Captain and XO. They strode towards the bridge as professional soldiers and the power of their presence made heads turn. Tali and Alenko were waiting for them as they stood together behind Joker.

'What have we got, Joker,' her voice was steady and calm and James took his strength from her.

'Pretty much a big ol' shitstorm, Commander.' Joker shook his head as EDI went into detail. 'Yeah, like I said.'

They looked out the viewport to see the quarian fleet engaging the geth, a silent but colourful battle that belied the death and destruction taking place.

'Take us in, Joker.'

The pilot cracked his fingers and brought up his screens, 'stealth drive engaged. The only way they'll detect us is if you all start singing the Russian national anthem.' He set to work moving them forward.

Shepard stepped back to the airlock and James followed. 'XO you have the deck,' she saluted and James did likewise.

'Aye, aye, ma'am. Good hunting.' James watched her walk into the airlock before moving back to Joker. 'Let's do this.' His stomach was churning and his palms sweating but he wasn't going to let it control him. 'Find us a hole, flight lieutenant.'

James was in awe of Joker's skill as he wove his way through the chaos. He managed to avoid debris, weapons fire, careening or exploding ships and anything else that fell into their path.

'That thing is huge,' James stared out the viewport as they closed on the dreadnought and not for the first time wondered how they were going to take it down.

'Commander,' Joker spoke into the com, 'I've got a docking tube but you're not going to like it. It's pretty torn up.'

'We don't have a choice,' she responded and James knew she was right.

The image Joker brought up on the screen made his heart race and his stomach flip. He would be uncomfortable crossing what was literally a series of holes connected by flimsy pieces of metal. According to her biometrics Shepard's heart was racing and he could sense her palms sweating as they connected to it.

'Shepard, I can go across and open the hatch,' Tali suggested and as much as James wished she'd let someone else do it he knew she wouldn't.

'I'm fine,' the tremor in her voice contradicted her words. 'I can do this.'

He knew it was pure stubbornness but he also knew that she probably needed to do it. She had to get past her fear of open space. It was something she hated, that made her feel broken and even though she was getting better at facing it she wasn't completely comfortable with it. He sucked in a breath and his fingers curled into a fist as she stepped into the tube.


	54. Chapter 54

**** 54 ****

To the human ear, space is silent. A battle raged around them, ships exploded in a blaze of colour and light, quietly dying on the outside, a cacophony of terror and noise on the inside. But none of that mattered.

_Thud, pause, thud_. James knew the sound of mag boots as they lifted and settled, a muffled echo felt more than heard. Right now though he knew Shepard wouldn't sense it through the sound of her laboured breathing. Her heart rate was so fast he was amazed she could breathe at all. And she wasn't even halfway across. He really wished she'd let Alenko or Tali go first.

'Hey, Lola, how're you doing?'

'Been better,' she sucked in a breath that was loud even through the coms. 'This ship is huge.' EDI pointed out the size difference but James wasn't really listening.

'Bet it's a nice view,' he watched as she paused before a large opening but she didn't turn to look.

'Just peachy, I'm sure Tali would love it.'

'Well, she'll get to see it when she comes over.'

'This had better be worth it,' she spoke through gritted teeth as she stopped before a tear, looking left and right before turning to follow the path of least destruction and strongest connection for her boots. He knew she'd have gravity once inside the ship but first she had to get there.

'I'm sure the quarians will be grateful, might even build a statue in your honour.'

'Better fucking not.'

'What, you don't want to get covered in bird shit and point at the sky forever,' he chuckled as she cursed him. 'Do they even have birds on Rannoch?'

She stopped and he could hear her taking deep breaths but at least her heart rate had slowed a little. The second half of the tube was worse than the first and he knew she was trying to get past the panic and into a mindset that allowed her to move forward.

'Take your time, Commander,' Joker spoke from his seat, 'we'll just sit here and hope the geth don't look out the windows.'

'Geth don't use windows, remember,' she was moving forward again, 'structural weakness.'

'And I bet the geth are just sitting there saying – those organics would never try the no windows thing twice.' Joker rolled his eyes even though she couldn't see it.

Pain grabbed James' attention and he realised his fingernails had drawn blood from his palms. He slowly uncurled his fingers, stretching and flexing to release the tension, wiping the moisture away on his trousers. The bridge door opened and Garrus joined them. He stared at the screen for a moment and James saw his mandibles tighten against his face.

'Crap,' he commented and James nodded.

'Not much further, Lola,' James grinned and added, 'the quicker you get this done the quicker I can help you with your shower.' Garrus and Joker groaned.

'Shit! Shit! Shit!'

Joker's panicked yell made James look up to see what seemed to be part of a ships wing moving quickly towards the fragile docking tube. His heart stopped. Joker was already ahead of him though and the _thump-thump-thump_ of the smaller guns firing pounded beneath his feet. All it did was break the debris into pieces, there was no way to stop it from hitting the tube.

'Shepard, you need to move!' James had no time to quell the panic in his voice.

It was right then that the first pieces of debris collided with the tube, tearing through what was already Swiss cheese and shredding it. The Normandy shuddered at the impact and James heard Alenko curse as the outer door closed and he and Tali were shut into the airlock. There was another tug as the tube broke away. James pushed forward onto Joker's seat and they both held their breath as Shepard struggled to find her balance and get her boots to adhere to the torn edge.

'Fuck!' She was cursing and breathing hard but she wasn't floating off into space. 'I think I'm going to need clean underwear.'

'Clean underwear?' Garrus looked at James for clarification.

'Never heard the term shit scared?'

'Oh,' Garrus thought about it and his mouth dropped open, 'Shepard, that's disgusting,' he spluttered into the com.

'Don't worry, Garrus,' Shepard gave a nervous laugh and James forced himself to relax. 'I didn't mean it literally.'

'You good now, Lola,' James grinned as he patted Garrus on the shoulder and the turian glared at him.

'Yeah, but the team won't be coming across that way.'

Joker had already switched to the view outside the Normandy. What was left of the docking tube was floating around loose.

'I'm guessing you don't want to solo the dreadnought,' the pilot released the docking clamps and the tube drifted away.

'Not if I can help it.'

It wasn't until she was safely inside the other ship that James became aware of the Normandy moving to co-ordinates Tali had sent to Joker. He watched as Shepard worked her way through the ship so she could let them in. She was alone on a geth ship. It was only minutes before they found the second airlock and Tali and Alenko stood before the hatch, waiting for Shepard to open it. It was a lifetime for James.

'You okay, Shepard,' Alenko asked as they finally joined her.

'Fine, glad you're both here though,' the relief in her voice was obvious and James blew out a breath.

From there the mission was smooth, surprising really, no unexpected enemies or unknown parameters. It was actually enjoyable watching the team fight, their tech and biotics making easy work of the geth sent against them. That didn't stop James from wincing or jumping when one of them took a hit, or wishing he was with them. He flicked a glance at Joker who sat back watching, relaxed and following the action closely. James could understand the compulsion to watch, it would be addictive, the adrenaline rush without the danger. He was surprisingly calm even though not being on Shepard's six still felt wrong. Right up until they entered the Operations Centre.

'Hunters,' Garrus commented and James jumped, he'd forgotten the turian was there.

'You've seen these before?'

'Yeah, once or twice. Damned nuisance to take down, they can be on you before you know it.'

James couldn't help squinting at the screen, looking for the slight shimmer that indicated the cloaked geth. Shepard and Tali were tucked behind a console, Alenko, however, ended up exposed as a hunter came up behind him.

'Shit!' Joker sat forward as Alenko's shields disappeared and the hunter took aim.

There was a collective sigh of relief when a drone distracted it and Alenko scrambled for better cover. James could see the advantage of biotics as Alenko threw out a reave and the hunter stumbled, it's fall hastened by a cryo blast. Shepard was quick to incinerate it and the resulting explosion had them ducking for cover.

'That never gets old,' Garrus commented and James nodded.

The experience and skill strength was something to see as the team cleared operations and headed to the central core. It still amazed James that he was a part of Shepard's crew, part of her team. He'd never thought of himself as a warrior of their calibre, far from it, and his self doubt still nipped at the edges of his mind every time he went on a mission. But watching the team work, standing beside Archangel and behind Joker he could accept that maybe he'd earned the right to be on the bridge of the Normandy as her XO. Why else would he be there?

'Legion?'

'Shepard-Commander. Help us.'

James slammed his mouth shut with an audible snap as the geth appeared on screen.

'You know this thing?' Alenko voiced what James was thinking.

'Fuck yeah,' Joker spoke over Shepard's response and Garrus echoed the sigh that followed.

'Isn't that the geth that helped you take down the Collectors?' James looked to Garrus.

'Yes, he went back to the Collective when Shepard was arrested.' The turian's eyes never left the screen, 'Shepard is not going to be happy that he's ended up with the Reapers.'

'Damn right, after destroying the Heretics, love to see how he'll get out of this one.' Joker added.

James wondered if they'd realised that they were giving the geth a gender. 'Aren't all geth connected?'

'Supposedly,' Garrus shrugged, 'although Legion was different.'

'Guess we'll have him back on board,' Joker threw his hand in the air as Shepard headed for the console to release him.

* * *

'You fucking bastard!' James had his hands on Gerrel's helmet, wrapping his fingers around the connectors at the back, desperately wanting to rip them out. 'Tell your fleet to stand down. Now!'

He'd rushed from the bridge the instant the quarians had opened fire on the dreadnought, knowing the order came from Gerrel. He'd planned to be professional, ask politely, but one look at the arrogance in the admiral had changed that. Gerrel didn't care about Shepard or the Normandy, there was no remorse, no apology. Primal instinct took over and now he had his hand poised to remove the face mask that would probably condemn the quarian to death.

'Commander,' Raan rushed towards him but stopped when he glared at her.

'Shepard is still on that ship!' He tightened his grip and Gerrel let out a muffled groan. 'If she dies you will too.'

'You have no right to do that,' Xen approached from his other side.

'You are on this ship, putting her Captain in danger. That's treason.' James knew he needed to calm down but he was beyond caring.

'You have to understand … ,' Raan started.

'Understand this,' James spat and she stepped back. 'If Shepard dies any chance of help from the Alliance dies with her.'

'Commander Vega is right,' Garrus dashed down the steps to stand beside James. 'Threatening the life of an officer is punishable by death in the turian military. Kill Shepard and you'll have the turians out for blood too.'

'James.'

He spun, releasing his hold on Gerrel who stumbled and would have crashed to the floor if not for Xen helping him.

'Shepard.' It was a whispered sound of relief as he saw her standing in the doorway.

Slowly she walked down the steps, placing her hand on his arm gently as she urged him to step back. Her eyes were dark and he could almost hear her teeth grinding as she turned towards Gerrel.

'Shepard,' the quarian's voice held none of the arrogance James had heard. 'The mission parameters changed. You're military, you understand.'

'I understand this,' she pushed into his face, 'you wasted the opportunity to withdraw safely. You jeopardised your mission and your people.'

She rammed her armoured fist into Gerrel's abdomen and the admiral doubled over, falling to his knees. James wanted to cheer and regretted not doing it himself.

'Get the hell off my ship!'

Before she could issue orders James was grabbing the admiral by the arm, his load lightened by Garrus who held the other side of the quarian. Together they pushed him towards the door, the sound of Admiral Raan making excuses as they left only increased the tension in James and his grip tightened on Gerrel's arm.

The admiral tried to pull his arms from their grip but both men refused to let go. The crew watched open mouthed, some even smiling, as they half carried the admiral to the airlock. For all James cared the connection with the envoy ship might not be secure but with Garrus right beside him the admiral was pushed into the lock and the door sealed behind him.

'Spirits, that felt good,' Garrus pulled his shoulders back as his mandibles flared.

'Fuck yeah,' James rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. He turned to Joker, 'are we connected to the envoy ship.'

'Yeah,' Joker spun to face him, 'just.'

'Damn,' James glanced at the airlock, disappointed that the admiral wasn't going to step out into open space.

'Can't have everything I suppose.' Garrus chuckled.

'I'm going to check on Shepard.'

Adrenaline was wearing off and James realised how close he'd come to losing Shepard yet again. They faced the risk every time they stepped off the ship. But it never got easier. All he needed right now was to make sure she was okay. The rest of it he could deal with later, push his emotions aside until they were alone. As he entered the war room and saw her talking with the quarians he knew it was getting harder to do that. Before long it would be impossible.

* * *

James was beginning to think his mother was right, everything happened in threes. First the dreadnought, then he'd stood by and watched in absolute horror as Shepard stepped into the geth pod to take down the geth fighters from the inside, now they'd just returned from rescuing Admiral Koris. There had been no time between missions to take a break and he knew Shepard was exhausted. But the quarians had yet another mission for them. He was starting to think the quarians believed the Normandy was theirs to command.

'Shepard, you're exhausted, you need a break,' he gently grabbed her arm as she was about to step into the elevator on the cargo deck.

'A million quarians could die while I take a break,' she turned on him.

'And you could die if you don't,' he slid his hand down and linked his fingers through hers. 'At least stop to eat. How about I get us something while you sort out what's going on.'

'Okay,' she nodded and they stepped into the elevator together.

Her fingers clenched around his as she settled against the elevator wall and closed her eyes. She was the most stubborn woman he'd ever met, determined to stop every death she possibly could and while he loved her for that he knew it could be her downfall.

'You're staring,' she opened her eyes and smile played on her lips.

'You're beautiful,' he grinned as she rolled her eyes at him.

'I'm dirty, my hair's a mess, I've probably got black eyes and blood on my armour.'

'Exactly,' he leant in and placed a soft kiss on her lips as the elevator opened onto the crew deck. 'Don't make me come looking for you.'

He walked backwards and waited for the doors to close before moving into the mess. He removed his chest and back plate, dropping them on the floor by the table, quickly adding his gloves and arm plates to the pile. Neither of them had taken the time to rid themselves of their outer shell, there was no point really.

'Will Shepard be eating, sir?'

He turned to find Campbell walking towards him carrying a plate piled high with some kind of meat, vegetables and pasta. Just the look made his mouth water but the aroma had his eyes widening.

'Is that real beef?' He lifted the plate and drew in the scent.

'Yes, sir, picked up a few pieces, thought they might be appreciated at some time.'

'Campbell, have I told you how much I love you.'

'I'd rather you didn't say that around Shepard,' she chuckled and lowered her voice a little, 'I would like to stay alive a little longer if that's okay.'

'Roger that,' he laughed and sat down. 'Yes, Shepard will be eating.'

'Good, I'll prepare another plate.'

James was picking up a fork when Chakwas materialised beside him.

'Ignore me,' she waved him down as he went to stand, 'I can scan you just as well from here as in the medbay.'

'What is that smell?' Shepard stepped around the doctor and leant over James plate. 'Is that … ?'

'Real beef,' James waved a piece under her nose, 'yep.' She darted forward, pulled the offered piece into her mouth and the moan she let out made James shiver. 'Hey!'

'What, not willing to share?'

'Anytime, Lola.' If it meant moans that made him hot - definitely.

He stood up and helped her remove the upper part of her armour, not missing the sigh as she sat beside him and dropped a datapad onto the table. Chakwas moved behind her, continuing her scans as Campbell placed a plate before her.

'God, Campbell, I love you.' She closed her eyes and inhaled the aroma and James felt the stirrings of arousal deep in his belly.

'Seems I'm popular today, ma'am,' Campbell laughed and went back to the kitchen.

'Shepard, if you don't rest soon I'll be forced to make you.' Chakwas closed down her tool and scowled at her.

'I promise I will after this mission.'

'I'll make sure of it, doc,' James ignored the black look Shepard tossed at him.

Chakwas seemed satisfied by that and left them to their meal. They ate in a comfortable silence, legs touching, shoulders rubbing occasionally. It was nice, and something James never wanted to lose. He could see himself by her side for the rest of their lives, if she'd have him. He stared at his food, stunned by the thought but realising it was something he been thinking about for a while. But this wasn't the time.

'Something wrong, James,' she was looking at him through narrowed eyes and he grinned at her.

'Nope, just thinking,' he indicated the datapad with his chin. 'So who are we going after this time.'

'Geth, geth and more geth.'

Campbell placed coffee before them as she took away their empty plates and Shepard put the datapad between them on the table.

'Seems we're off to stop a Reaper signal that's making the geth fight for them.'

'Sounds like fun,' he kept his eyes on her face for a moment before dropping them to the datapad.

'I like how you think, James,' she grinned and he wondered if she'd say the same if she knew exactly where his thoughts were headed.


	55. Chapter 55

**** 55 ****

James studied his fingers: he really needed to clean the gun oil from under his fingernails. The vehicle Legion had commandeered shuddered as the ground beneath them trembled. His nails needed trimming, he didn't want to scratch Shepard by accident. The sound of the targeting laser hummed through the coms and, beside him, Tali let out a whispered plea. He scraped away some of the dirt from under his nails, settling his feet more firmly as the vehicle bounced and shifted.

' _Shepard! What the fuck are you doing?'_

He looked past his hands to his boots; they could do with cleaning too. Laboured breathing echoed around him as the targeting laser fired up again. Her fist rested against his thigh as Tali held her breath.

' _If we run away and the geth stay under Reaper control the quarians are dead. This ends now!'_

He needed to take better care of his gear because replacements weren't readily available. Another shudder another hum. Tali's hands moved to her lap, her fingers winding in and out of each other as she softly recited what he guessed was a quarian prayer.

' _Shepard! That's a Reaper! You can't take it on alone. I can help you.'_

' _I'm not risking you or anyone else.'_

Some polish wouldn't go astray, keep the boots supple, make them last a little longer.

' _Spirits Shepard, you can't do this!'_

' _Vega, you need to stop her. Now! That's an order!'_

He should probably make sure his undersuit wasn't wearing where his armour was tight too.

' _Legion, let me out of this fucking thing.'_

' _James, I'm ordering you to stand down. Legion, get them to safety.'_

Soft cursing whispered into the cabin of the vehicle followed by the sound of harder breathing. She was running. He cracked his knuckles, feeling the roughness of his skin. Maybe he should use the moisturiser the Alliance provided to counteract the dryness caused by gun oil.

' _Shepard, please.'_

Softer hands would be gentler on Shepard's skin.

' _James, trust me.'_

A more violent shudder made him shift in his seat.

' _Give 'em hell, Commander.'_

He'd said the words but his heart had gone cold. His world became grey and terrifying as Legion followed her command and moved them to safety, as the machine ignored his yelling to take them back to give her support. His eyes moved back to his hands.

'Keelah!' The feel of Tali's fingers wrapping around his grounded him, brought his thoughts back into focus.

He forced his eyes to the screen he'd been avoiding, if he didn't watch she wouldn't die. The Reaper was down. Shepard was bent over, sucking in air, she was exhausted before so he knew she would be worse now.

But she was alive. He scrunched his eyes closed, fighting back tears of relief as Tali's fingers tightened around his. He fell back against the seat as Legion drove them forward and they could finally step out.

It was strange, stepping onto a world that had held only synthetics for over three centuries. He watched Tali as she stepped onto the planet of her people, saw the pause in her breathing, the almost reverent way she placed her foot on the dark soil. Is that how he would feel, stepping back onto Earth, even though they hadn't been away as long, would it move him, make him catch his breath. Or would they be stepping onto a dead world with only monsters and nightmares awaiting them?

The booming voice of the Reaper pulled his attention outward, his eyes instantly falling on Shepard. An aura flashed around her head as she leant forward, the sun's waning glow making her seem ethereal and he held his breath. She was his goddess, his warrior angel and it seemed the heavens agreed with him. Her size had always surprised people, she wasn't the huge amazon people expected, but to see her standing on a cliff edge, leaning out and yelling at a Reaper – she was larger than life. Without thinking, he brought up his omnitool and took a photo.

He trailed Tali and Legion as they rushed towards her. He wanted to run to her and take her in his arms, but the tension in his shoulders, the moisture on his palms and the pounding of his heart stopped him. He didn't want to ruin this moment for her, say the wrong thing, make others doubt. She deserved the praise, the hero worship. There would be time later to deal with the emotional fallout, to deal with the fact that she left him behind, that she put her life at risk because she was stubborn and hated to ask for help. He thought they'd gone beyond that.

With a final blast from the heavens the Reaper died. She turned to greet Tali and Legion but her eyes found his and even across the space between them he could see her eyes close and her lips tighten. She welcomed Tali with a smile that he knew was forced, but her glance kept flicking towards him. He moved closer, perched himself on a rock, watched and waited.

He watched as she allowed Legion to help his people, as Tali begged for her to stop him. He saw the tension in her stance and the frustration on her face as the quarians refused to listen and saw the joy when they finally did. His heart cracked as she placed her hand gently on Legion's body, as she lowered her head and mourned a machine that had become so much more than the sum of its parts. He waited as she talked to Admiral Raan, as a geth prime offered the quarians a future they never dreamed possible. He watched as she walked towards him, her head hung and her hair hiding her face.

'James.' She stopped before him and raised her head, her gaze criss-crossed his face, searching for any hint of what he was feeling.

'Shepard.'

She flinched and he fought down the urge to reach for her. He wasn't ready to touch her yet, he couldn't. Fear was munching on his heart, feasting on his emotions, every ounce of his being wanted to yell and scream at her for taking her life for granted. But she was doing what she always did, saving those who couldn't save themselves.

She was an icon of everything good, a hero without trying because she cared, because she was willing to put her life on the line. Making decisions, working alone, was what she was used to; doing what had to be done. But as much as he knew it and loved her for it, this time he couldn't bring himself to see past it. There was too much at stake.

'Walk with me,' she indicated with her head and he nodded.

She turned off the coms as they put space between them and everyone else. He loved her so much for understanding his mood, for realising that he needed to talk, needed to get his thoughts in order. He hated himself for not enjoying the moment, for letting a dark cloud hang over them. They walked in silence, close enough to feel each other's presence but knowing there was a yawning chasm they needed to close.

She led him around an outcropping to a large rock where she sat and waited for him to sit beside her. Her eyes dropped and she looked away when he remained standing. He wanted the space so he didn't give in to the yearning need to hold her. Standing at parade rest, staring out across the rocky landscape he gathered his thoughts and turned slowly, almost undone by the pale colour of her face and the sadness in her eyes.

'Shepard,' he met her gaze and hated the doubt he saw there. 'That was fucking amazing! I don't think anyone else could have saved two races and stopped a war that's been raging for centuries, not to mention bringing down a Reaper. It was brave, selfless and heroic.' He paused as she smiled but couldn't hesitate over what he had to say next. 'It was also fucking stupid, reckless and dangerous!'

He paced, needing the movement to give him something other than his anger to focus on, his fingers clenched and his shoulders tensed. The small rocks he crushed under his heavy steps allowed his emotions to filter out through their demise.

'What would have happened if you'd died out there today?' He glanced at her but didn't give her time to answer as he paced away from her. 'Morale would have plummeted. People would give up because if Commander Shepard can't beat a Reaper what chance do they have.' He heard her get up, the sound of her boots crunching the hard ground told him she was pacing too. He stopped and turned to face her.

'I'm only a soldier, James, I'm expendable and the war will go on without me.'

'You really don't get it, do you?' He shook his head and she glared at him. 'I'm expendable. Everyone on the Normandy is expendable. The only person everyone out there wants to follow is you. You're the glue holding all of this together, everything being done out there is so you can bring us all together and lead us to the end.' He waved at the sky as he spoke, before running his hands through his hair as she crossed her arms across her chest and stared at him. 'But you can't keep taking everything on alone. You're wearing yourself out.'

'It's who I am,' she dropped her arms and he watched as her hands curled into fists. 'It's who I've always been.' She leaned forward and pointed to the dead Reaper behind them. 'Being out there alone scared the fucking crap out of me and I was terrified of dying but it needed to be done. But is that what this is really about? Or is it about me leaving you behind?'

'I don't fucking want you to leave me behind because if someone has to die on a mission it should be me!'

She gaped at him, anger gone replaced by something he couldn't really name.

'We can't afford to lose you, Shepard. The galaxy can't afford to lose you, but they can afford to lose me, or Alenko, or Garrus. They would all say the same, you need to stay alive.'

'What good is me being alive if I have no reason to go on?' James had to strain to hear the whispered words. 'If this is all too hard, if you're starting to believe we're a mistake I understand. I can't help who I am, James. You knew that going in.'

She refused to look at him but her voice broke and the thought that he'd caused it made his chest ache, his lungs refused to work.

'You are the least expendable person in this galaxy to me. I love you with every inch of my being but I understand.' She turned to walk away.

'Shepard,' he reached out but she pulled back. 'Don't shut me out.' He stepped in front of her, placed his hand under her chin and raised her face towards him. 'Please.'

Her eyes searched his face and he knew she would find fear looking back at her. He didn't hide it from her, he couldn't. The thought that he might be ruining everything was tearing him apart. She needed to see that.

'What do you want from me, James? You can't have it both ways.' She let out a long breath that blew across his neck and raised goose bumps. 'You can't expect me to not be Commander Shepard and do what has to be done or expect me to stand by and let others go into battle for me. I'm a soldier, a very good one, it's my job to protect those who can't protect themselves, just like it's yours.'

'Madre dios, Lola, I know that and I love you for it.' He moved his hand to cup her face and wipe away an errant tear. 'But this goes beyond us. Javik said he was the avatar of vengeance for his people; you are the avatar of hope for ours. While you might not like that, it's the truth.'

He brushed her cheek with his thumb, desperately wanting to taste her lips as they trembled. 'You belong to the galaxy now and I can accept that. It fucking shits me because you're mine, and I don't want to share you with anyone, but we're part of a bigger picture and you need to let others take risks for you.' She shook her head and started to speak but he placed a finger over her lips. 'I know, you hate the idea but it's the way it is.'

He pulled her into his chest and inhaled the scent of her, the sweat, the gun oil the lingering smell of her shampoo.

'You are a damn hero, bella. I am fucking proud of what you did today. Hell, Lola, you took down a Reaper, but you terrified me and everyone else.' He pulled back so he could see her face, 'and we are never a mistake, don't ever think that. I just want to help you, to share your load. Today hurt, and not just because you left me behind, or that you could have died, but because you didn't even stop to think about it. Damn it, Lola, I don't want to stand by and watch you die when I could have stopped it if you'd let me. I don't want to go on alone either.'

She wrapped her arms around him, dropped her head onto his chest and he could hear her drawing in shuddering breaths. He held her tight as she shook, as exhaustion wore down her defences. James stared out across the rocky landscape to where the Reaper lay, silent and still. She did that. While it filled him with dread he'd never been more proud. His Lola was a Reaper killer.

'This place is actually nice,' he commented and she shifted in his arms, turning so her back was against his chest but not leaving the circle of his arms. He wrapped himself around her, rubbing his cheek against the soft, silk of her hair as he cursed the armour between them.

'I'm sorry, James,' she spoke softly, 'for today, for scaring you and I promise I will try to do it differently, I know, I've said that before. I'm just not used to relying on others to do what I can do myself.'

'You don't need to be sorry,' he kissed the top of her head, 'I'm sorry for ruining your moment.' He stared out at the Reaper. 'Fuck, Lola, you killed a Reaper, alone, on foot.'

'I did, didn't I, although I wasn't really alone, there's a whole fleet in orbit.'

'Yeah, but you were the one on the ground, facing it. We could have helped you, distracted it so you weren't its only target. I'm just sayin'.'

She shuddered against him and he tilted his head so he could see her face. 'It's the craziest thing I've ever done and probably the scariest.' She gripped his hands and pulled his arms tighter around her. 'But you're right, I should have thought it through.'

'At least you'll have something to brag to Wrex about, I think this beats taking down a thresher maw,' he chuckled and she snorted a laugh. 'I love you, Lola and I really thought I was going to lose you today. You should be celebrating, not dealing with a terrified boyfriend.'

'We seem to be doing a lot of that,' she sighed and turned so she could slide her arms around him. 'Scaring the crap out of each other.'

'Yeah, we do,' he dropped his forehead onto hers, 'all part of the job.'

'Some job,' she scoffed and he laughed. 'Maybe when this is over we can sit on a beach somewhere and just enjoy the quiet.'

'So I get to see you in a bikini?'

'You just might,' she lifted her head and met his eyes, 'if you're going to stick around that long.'

'There's no way you're getting rid of me now.'

Her eyes mesmerised him and he wanted to spend the rest of his life staring into them. The timing was all wrong, the location wasn't perfect but today had opened his eyes. She needed to know that he could never think of them as anything other than belonging together. He needed to know that if the worst happened he would be the one taking care of her.

'Marry me, Andy.'

She stopped breathing and tensed in his arms, her eyes widened as her lips parted. He waited, bile rose in his throat and he swallowed but his mouth was dry. This was not what he had planned, and he was beginning to think it was the wrong time and place as she stayed quiet.

'It's okay,' he tried to pull back but she held him tighter and buried her head against his chest. 'I get it if it's too soon.'

He glanced down as a sob escaped and his brow furrowed as he lifted her face with shaking hands. Tears ran down her cheeks and she licked her lips, immediately drawing his eyes to them as she nodded. It took a moment for his brain to catch up and his eyes widened as she broke into a grin.

'Yes.' Her nod became more pronounced and her grin turned into a laugh as he stared at her.

'Holy shit!' He pulled her head back against his chest, carded his fingers through her hair and glanced around, seeing the rocky world around them through watery eyes.

She opened her mouth to speak but he wasn't waiting any longer. He claimed her lips, pouring all his happiness, relief and love into the kiss, his tongue danced with hers as his arms held her tighter than he thought possible. That she returned in kind overwhelmed him and he rode a wave of euphoria as they committed to each other for eternity.

'Are you sure,' his chest heaved as he fought for breath.

'Very sure,' she brushed the side of his face. 'Even when you tell me off.'

'Only because I care, Lola.'

'I know, and that's why I love you.'

'This wasn't how I planned to ask,' he sighed and glanced at the landscape around them.

'So, you've been planning,' she grinned and he nodded with a laugh.

'Yeah.'

'Do I get a ring?'

'Hadn't planned that far but I'll see what I can do,' he wrapped her in his arms and lifted her off her feet, burying his nose in her neck and revelling in the thought that she was his forever.

'I wonder what Hackett will say about this,' she brought him back to earth with a thud.

'Maybe we'll tell him after you tell him about bringing down a Reaper.'

'Hey admiral, I brought down a Reaper today and James and I are getting married.' She dropped her head back and looked at the sky.

'When you say it like that, how could he say no,' James laughed as they turned to return to the shuttle. 'Should we keep it quiet for now?'

'Maybe, at least until you get me a ring.'

'Will you wear it?'

'Of course, I'm proud to show I'm yours.'

James kissed the top of her head, unable to keep a straight face. Only an hour ago he'd been terrified, now he was in heaven and happier than a man should be in a time of war. He knew the reality, they could all be dead tomorrow, but for now he felt more alive than ever because of the woman beside him.

Shepard re-opened the coms to the tumultuous sound of multiple voices wanting to know what was going on, what they were doing. James grinned as she rolled her eyes at him and let them know they were returning to the ship.

'You wanted to help me,' she looked at him sideways and he knew whatever came next would not involve drawing a weapon but he nodded anyway. 'I think I'm going to need protection from our crew.'

'I should say no, you did bring this on yourself,' he laughed at her pout, 'but just for you I'll do it.'

'I knew there was a reason I loved you.' She stepped onto the shuttle, 'other than your gorgeous body of course,' she looked him up and down and James felt the stirrings of arousal.

'You're a tease, Lola,' he took the seat beside her, 'but I love you too.'


	56. Chapter 56

**** 56 ****

James stepped onto the shuttle deck and stopped. To see the open bay doors with nothing but space beyond was always sobering. There was no way to stop the shiver that passed over him at the thought of what would happen if the kinetic barriers failed.

'How's it coming, Adams?' He stopped alongside Adams, at the first barrier just past his work space.

'Almost done,' the engineer glanced at him but his eyes quickly returned to his omnitool. 'This was a good find, we've got three intact fuel tanks. Should keep us going a bit longer. The last one is being hooked up now.'

'Nice,' James peered through the barrier to where the shuttle hovered in open space, amid the debris of a destroyed fuel depot, its hatches open with two crew members silhouetted by the light inside. 'Is that Tali?'

'Yeah, she has a lot of experience in EVAs so she was the most logical choice, it's great to have her back. Daniels is helping,' Adams chuckled, 'I think Daniels has more balls than Donnelly sometimes.'

'Don't let Donnelly hear you say that,' James laughed.

Watching Tali work in space was like watching a ballet dancer on stage. Her movements were fluid, graceful and, knowing just how hard it was to manoeuvre and work in zero G, he was impressed. The quarians could do many things well which made them a perfect ally, or a deadly enemy. He'd read their marines could handle zero gravity better than most and their engineers were some of the finest in the galaxy. Living in space on ships built from salvage obviously had good points.

'Tethering the last tank now,' Tali spoke over their heads as outside she positioned herself alongside the tank, the small jets on her EVA pack keeping her in place. 'Done, ready to come aboard.'

'Roger that,' Joker acknowledged, 'you'd better not put a hole in my ship.'

'Please, I didn't with the last two,' Tali scoffed and James couldn't help but smile, 'this is me you're talking to boshtet.'

'Standing by for entry.'

James held his breath as the outer barrier dropped and the shuttle slowly began to move. The first tug on the tank from the tether was one point where things could go wrong. If the tanks were compromised this was where it would show.

He let out a soft sigh as the tether straightened and the tank followed the shuttle. Steve executed a perfect pirouette as they neared the Normandy, the tanks momentum carrying it around and towards the cargo doors. Tali and Daniels pushed off from the open hatch, gently coming to rest on the tank and releasing the tether. Using the EVA jets they slowed the momentum as the tank slid sideways into the bay, slowing and sinking as EDI gradually re-initiated artificial gravity. The two women connected the tank to the makeshift fuel intake the engineers had set up in the bay.

'James, how are we doing?' Shepard spoke into his ear.

'Just emptying the last tank now.'

'Good, we've got a mission, as soon as they're done we need to get underway.'

'Roger that,' he looked at Adams who signalled ten with his hands, 'Adams says ten minutes. Where are we going?'

'Gellix, we need to rescue some scientists before Cerberus gets to them.'

James could hear the frustration in her voice. Cerberus was becoming more than a nuisance, it was almost as if they were helping the Reapers. It was a distraction from the war and he hated it just as much as she did. He had hoped the seven day trip back to the Citadel would have been mission free, some system scanning to check for survivors and assets or fuel, but beyond that just some quiet time to get themselves back into optimal shape.

They'd already diverted to Ontarom because of Cerberus and he really wanted to put a bullet in the head of the Illusive Man. Their next transit would have been to the Citadel, unfortunately not for the maintenance and shore leave they were supposed to be having. Shepard had promised him she would follow Hackett's orders after they'd found out what they could about the artefacts that had the power to control people. She was concerned they were a bigger threat than first thought and he agreed with her so he hadn't pushed, especially as they had one sitting on the Citadel.

At least Shepard had been sleeping, it probably helped that she spent most night cycles curled against his chest. He had moved into her cabin and while he knew it was against protocol he couldn't bring himself to care. If the behaviour of the crew was any indication, they didn't either.

He'd had help looking after her, Garrus, Kaidan and Joker all made sure he and Shepard had night cycles off together. At first he'd argued, he was the XO, it was his job to look after the ship when Shepard was off duty. But they'd stood firm, insisting that it was his job to take care of their captain too. He was the only one who really could. Even Javik had commented that his presence seemed to calm Shepard, and that they would have been shot in his cycle. Eventually they'd worked out a schedule where he and Shepard had at least every second sleep cycle together.

'Tank is empty,' Tali's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

'Reducing artificial gravity,' EDI warned them.

The tank slowly lifted, he could hear the soft hiss of the EVA jets as the tank began to move out into open space. Once it was safely past the hull of the Normandy Steve pulled it away, back into the debris field where he stopped its momentum with some fancy manoeuvring. Once Tali was satisfied that it wasn't going to go flying off into space and collide with some unsuspecting ship Steve brought them back aboard.

'Joker, we're all clear down here,' James was speaking into the com as he walked over to the shuttle where Tali and Daniels were stepping out. 'Nice work Sparks,' he grinned as Tali shook her head at him, 'you too Daniels, although you should have sent Donnelly out there.'

'No I shouldn't,' Daniels scoffed, 'he's all thumbs in zero g.'

'I heard that,' Donnelly's voice came from the ceiling.

'How come you only hear me when I'm talking about you and not to you?' Daniels glared at the ceiling.

'Did you say something?' his laugh echoed around the bay.

'Esteban, get the shuttle squared away, we've got a mission.'

'I'll be ready, Mr Vega and it's nice to know you appreciate my skills as well.'

'What skills,' James grinned as the pilot stepped onto the deck. 'All you do is sit in that chair and push buttons.'

'At least I don't crash my shuttle.'

'Jeez, one mistake,' James rolled his eyes as he clapped Steve on the shoulder. 'You know I love you, Esteban.'

'Please don't say that around Shepard, I value my life.'

'Briefing in ten people,' Shepard spoke into the bay, her voice light with amusement. 'Steve, should I be worried?'

'No, Shepard, you're not my type. Mr Vega on the other hand.'

'Remember I carry a gun,' her laughter echoed around them.

'Yes, ma'am.'

Shepard's mood infected them all if the smiles they all wore were anything to go by. The weight of the war seemed to vanish as they rid themselves of gear and went back to work. While it felt good to have a bit of fun and enjoy the quiet moments, as he rode the elevator to the CIC he couldn't help but wonder just how long it would last.

Shepard was already in the briefing room, there was no tension in her shoulders, her stance was casual and as she smiled at him he was amazed at the difference a few days of regular food and sleep had made. Her eyes were bright, no dark circles or tension, her skin had colour and she looked healthy. He was kidding himself, she looked beautiful and his heart pounded in his ears as he took his position beside her.

'What have we got?' He read the datapad she handed him. 'Ex-Cerberus scientists?'

'Yeah, seems they've up and left and TIM doesn't like it.' She made no attempt to hide her joy and he understood the pleasure she felt at TIM being thwarted. 'If it pisses him off I'm happy to go help them.'

'Damn right.'

As the rest of the team filed in James read the scant mission details, there wasn't a lot to go on so they were pretty much going in blind. As Shepard explained the mission to everyone else there were a few worried glances.

'Are we sure this isn't a trap?' Garrus' mandibles were tight against his face.

'No,' Shepard shook her head, 'but if this is genuine not only do we upset TIM we gain help for the Crucible.'

'So we go in and hope for the best. Sounds like a typical mission,' the turian shrugged and James had to agree. They'd gone in with much less.

'If Cerberus is there we may encounter resistance before we even reach the surface,' she looked at Garrus who sighed and folded his arms across his chest. 'Garrus, I'm leaving you in charge of the Normandy, make sure Joker doesn't do anything stupid.'

'I'll remember that, Shepard, next time your ass needs pulling out of a volcano,' Joker spoke over their heads. 'ETA, two hours.'

'Kaidan, James, you're with me.' She looked at them in turn, 'let's do this.'

* * *

_Stupid, fucking pendejo!_

James rammed his shotgun butt into the head of a Cerberus trooper who came up behind him, the force smashing the visor and pushing the trooper back. With a quick flick of his wrist James spun the shotgun and fired two shots into the cracked visor. He was picturing the shot passing through the dark skinned head of Jacob and only wished it was real.

What gave that fucking bastard the right to talk to Shepard like he knew her. The way her face dropped when the idiot said she'd never love anything other than the Normandy made his heart break. Her eyes had found his and the doubt in them made his blood boil. He could see it had distracted her as she rolled into cover to avoid a rocket. All he needed was a few minutes alone with him, to set him straight, wipe that smirk off his face.

A trooper popped up in front of him and he charged forward, sending them both careening into a shield pylon that fizzled and died as it cracked beneath them. Two shots and the trooper lay still.

'James,' Garrus spoke into his ear on a secure feed, 'are you okay?'

'Fantastic,' he threw a grenade at two troopers hiding behind some piping. 'Who the fuck does that pendejo think he is?' He dropped behind cover as the explosion threw debris and body parts towards him.

'Jacob?'

'Yeah, who is this idiot?'

'He was supposed to worm his way into Shepard's heart, he was deliberately placed to win her over to Cerberus. If she was romantically involved with him she would stay.' Joker's laughter could be heard in the background. 'She shot him down, I actually thought she was going to shoot him for real when he didn't give up. I don't know who he was more afraid of, Shepard or TIM.'

'There was no way she'd ever be interested in him.' James was beginning to think TIM was stupid as he followed Shepard's incinerate with a carnage blast. The explosion made him smile as he moved forward.

'TIM thought he might be a distraction for her, especially after Horizon.'

'Fuck, that's just sick.'

'That's TIM.'

'Yeah, well I'm going to take him down when we find him.' James climbed to the next level that would take them to the AA guns.

'Get in line.'

They fought their way to the guns, managed to fix them while getting rid of Cerberus and finally headed back into the complex.

'I can't believe these people have kids here,' Kaidan commented as they made their way back to the control room.

'I guess if they're on the run they don't want to leave any leverage behind,' Shepard pointed out and James could understand that. 'TIM is a ruthless bastard.'

'Can we trust this Jacob?' Kaidan threw a glance at James who met the worried eyes of the biotic.

'He did help me take down the Collectors.'

'That doesn't answer my question, Shepard.'

'I think so,' she shrugged, 'guess we're going to find out.'

James fought not to grind his teeth as his they approached Dr Cole, she seemed like an intelligent woman. How could she be with someone like Jacob? Or was Jacob another plant of TIMs. The sudden thought made him stop and both Shepard and Kaidan turned to look at him.

'You okay James?' Shepard's brow furrowed as her eyes searched his.

'Just … .' He wasn't sure what to say but decided to just say what was on his mind. 'Jacob was on the Normandy under orders from TIM to seduce you, to make you care, especially after Horizon,' he flicked a glance at Kaidan who grimaced and looked away. 'How do we know he's not here for the same reason, to seduce Dr Cole, make her trust him?' He stepped closer to Shepard, the sudden clenching of her fists told him she wasn't taking his words lightly. 'Is he just here as a familiar face to make you complacent?'

'Joker and Chakwas were on the Normandy to get me invested,' she agreed with a nod. 'The ship itself was TIM's way of making me feel at home, that worked better than he planned,' she smirked and continued. 'Jacob's job was to make me trust him, confide in him. It didn't work, in fact, it had the opposite effect, I stayed away from him as much as possible. Finding him here, now … .' She glanced around at the scientists busy packing and James could see her mind working. 'TIM is cruel enough, but Jacob,' she met his eyes. 'I just don't know.'

'He did say he spent a year away from Cerberus,' Kaidan reminded them but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than them.

'He could be lying.' James glanced towards Dr Cole who was watching them. 'Just be careful, okay,' he ran his hand down Shepard's arm and she nodded.

Cold ran down James' back, its icy touch making him shiver and the sudden feeling that they were all in danger wouldn't go away. He could feel the tension radiating off Shepard and beside him Kaidan was glancing around the room as if he expected danger from the shadows. He hadn't meant to make them wary but something about this whole thing made his gut ache. He really hoped he was wrong.

By the time the last shuttle was leaving he knew he was right. As the atlas landed and troopers poured out of the base fear overwhelmed him. They were being overrun. He could hear Jacob telling Shepard he was coming for them during a lull in fighting and as a shuttle hovered on the platform they ran for it. Jacob stood in the open hatch, providing covering fire. James' doubts ate at him but at least Jacob wasn't actually shooting at them.

He was almost at the shuttle when he saw the engineer huddled amid crates, not firing a weapon or setting up a turret. He was watching Shepard and doing something on his omnitool. James turned as the newly arrived atlas launched a rocket, knocking Shepard off her feet.

'Shepard!' Jacob's cry sounded genuine.

James dashed towards Shepard, pushing Jacob aside as he reached down to help her. Scooping her up in his arms he jumped onto the shuttle, gently placing her in a seat as Jacob followed and the hatch closed. James could hear Jacob talking but his concern was with Shepard.

'Lola, are you okay,' James moved aside as Kaidan ran his omnitool over her.

Her movements were erratic as she reached for his hand, her eyes were moving, darting around as if searching for something.

'James,' her voice trembled as her hand clumsily found his face and he could see tears forming, 'I can't see. I'm blind.'

Kaidan was scanning her eyes and he frowned, 'I'm getting odd readings from her optical implants, it's as if they've been overloaded.'

James growled and spun to his feet. 'What the fuck did you do?' He had his hand around Jacob's throat, holding him up against the bulkhead.

'Stop!' Dr Cole was grabbing his arm but he ignored her.

Jacob was struggling for breath, scratching at James' arms, then, as if suddenly remembering he was biotic he started to glow blue. The sound of a pistol cocking had them both turning.

'Don't.' Kaidan's eyes bored into Jacob as he aimed his pistol at his head. 'James, let him go. See to Shepard.'

James nodded and quickly sat beside her, removing his gloves and pulling her into his arms. She sagged against him and he could feel her shaking. Her eyes were closed but tears squeezed out between the tightly scrunched lids, he wasn't sure if she was crying or if it was a side affect from her implants being damaged.

'Sit, move and I will put a bullet in you.' Kaidan motioned with his pistol and Jacob sat beside Dr Cole whose hands shook as she reached for him. 'Who is flying this thing?' Kaidan indicated the closed cockpit door.

'One of the scientists,' Jacob said, his eyes moving to Shepard. 'I had nothing to do with this, Shepard, I don't know what's going on.'

'Open up,' Kaidan knocked on the door but there was no response.

James shared Kaidan's concern as the biotic glanced at him then proceeded to work on the lock. A muffled bang on the other side had them all jumping. Fear closed in. Faces drained of colour, eyes widened as breaths became short and shallow. James could see the tendons in Kaidan's neck, pulsing as adrenaline made his fight or flight instinct kick in. He knew Kaidan would see the same in him and he could feel Shepard's pulse racing under his fingers on her neck.

'What was that,' Shepard sat up, her eyes darting around the shuttle even though she couldn't see it.

'I think the pilot just … ,' Kaidan stopped speaking as the door slid open.

James thought he'd seen fear before but Kaidan paled even further and for a moment he was frozen as he looked into the cockpit.

'What is it?' Dr Cole asked, breaking Kaidan out of his terrified stare.

'Fuck!' Kaidan slammed the door shut and re-activated the lock. 'Brace for explosion.'

James pulled Shepard into the safety of his chest as he slid off the seat and on to the floor, Jacob did the same to Dr Cole. Kaidan dropped to the floor between them, bracing himself against the seats.

Their world rocked and tilted as the front of the shuttle blew out. Braced between the seats and the bulkhead James barely moved but his head bounced and he saw stars as the back of his head connected with the wall. Shepard gripped his weapons belt and wrapped her leg around his while his arms kept her securely against him.

Kaidan landed against the opposite seats while Jacob and Dr Cole slid across the floor, coming to rest against the hatch. The silence was oppressive as they sat in a stunned stupor. Shepard was the first to recover and James released his hold as she sat up.

'Everyone okay?'

'Yeah,' Kaidan got to his feet and helped Dr Cole to a seat. 'It was a directional charge, designed to disable but not destroy the shuttle. There was no time to stop it.'

'I think I'm good,' Jacob rubbed his shoulder as he dropped into a seat. 'Shepard, I had no idea this was going to happen. I'm sorry, I should have.' He dropped his eyes to the floor and James believed him. He might be an asshole but not a murderer.

'James,' Shepard placed her hand on his arm.

'I'm good,' he took her hand in his, he wasn't going to tell her that his vision was blurry, that the knock had cut his head open and blood was running down his neck.

James ignored the frown Kaidan gave him as he crouched beside him to look at the back of his head. His stomach churned as he dropped his head forward and felt Kaidan's fingers examining his wound. A dose of medigel eased the pain and he was thankful when Kaidan's hands gently lifted his head and met his eyes. The narrowing of the biotics' eyes was all James needed to reinforce his thoughts that it was more serious than he liked.

'What do we do now?' Dr Cole's white knuckle grip was obviously uncomfortable for Jacob but James understood him not complaining.

'The Normandy will find us,' Shepard reached for James' hand. 'We just have to wait.'

James heard something that turned his blood to ice. Kaidan stood up quickly, his eyes searching for the source. Shepard gripped his fingers and he knew she'd heard it too. The hiss of air leaving the only space they had to keep them alive.


	57. Chapter 57

 

**** 57 ****

He had to stay awake but it was so tempting to close his eyes, if only for a second. The weight of his eyelids pulled them down and darkness replaced light. A boot nudging his leg shocked him back to awareness and he looked up to see Kaidan scowling at him. The biotic moved away silently, patch kit in hand as he searched for the leak that was slowly sucking away their lives.

'Lola, are you okay,' strangely enough his speech wasn't slurred even though his head spun and he had the mother of all headaches.

'Been better,' she tightened her hold on his fingers. 'Help me back into a seat.'

James got to his knees, closing his eyes and swallowing hard as his stomach threatened to turn inside out. He held her arm as she felt behind her for the edge of the seat. When she was settled he pushed himself up, palming the bulkhead for balance.

'You should probably help find the leak,' she gave his fingers a soft squeeze and released her hold but he didn't miss the tremble in her hand.

'Commander,' Dr Cole leaned forward, 'I might be able to help with your implants.'

'I think you've done enough damage,' James scowled at her but Shepard's hand on his leg made him look down at her. He instantly regretted it as the world spun.

'It's okay James. Dr Cole will die along with the rest of us if we can't contact the Normandy.'

'Unless she knows Cerberus is coming to pick us up.'

'I didn't know … ,' Brynn spluttered.

'We didn't do this,' Jacob pushed to his feet and James' fist curled, it took all his control to not knock him back into the seat, dizziness and headache be damned.

'Hey!' Kaidan grabbed their attention. 'We can argue the point once we find the leak, unless you all want to die in here.'

James watched as Kaidan sprayed the fine white powder that would find and mark the leak. He was a little annoyed with himself that he was letting Jacob get under his skin, he was better than that. Squeezing Shepard's hand he removed it from his leg and turned to help Kaidan as he followed the powder to the cockpit door. The blast had obviously broken the seal and the powder slipped through the narrow gap.

James stepped forward, clenching his fists and sucking in a soft breath as the world tilted but he forced himself to keep going. Kaidan already had the patch material in place. He slipped his hand under Kaidan's to hold the patch, giving him the freedom to unroll the hot seal, wrap it around the edges of the patch and activate the gel that would weld it to the bulkhead. The material fizzled as the metals met but once it stopped Kaidan released another spray of powder. It went nowhere other than slowly cascading to the floor.

'Looks like there's only the one leak,' Kaidan was speaking to no-one in particular as he worked on his omnitool. 'We have approximately two hours of air left.' He looked up at James.

'Good thing we've got oxygen packs in our armour.'

'What about Jacob and Dr Cole, they don't have armour?'

'There should be emergency breather packs and emergency environment suits in here somewhere.'

James bent over to search the storage compartment under the seat. It was a bad idea. He stumbled as the floor came towards him. Kaidan grabbed his arm and pulled him upright, his furrowed brow reinforcing James' thoughts that his injury was serious.

'The Normandy will find us,' Shepard sounded anything but confident and James turned his eyes towards her.

She was so pale, almost grey, and James could see the shake in her hands as they rested in her lap. Kaidan indicated that James should go to her and while he knew he should be helping with their situation he agreed, thankful to sit and pull her into his arms. She jumped as he did so but eagerly curled up against him, wrapping her arms around him and holding on as tight as she could to his armour. The shivering wasn't good, she was probably going into shock.

'Normandy, this is Alenko, respond.'

Nothing. Not even static. Kaidan tried again but the empty silence thickened the air around them, closing in, squeezing against their chests. The sound of their deep breaths almost drowned out the pounding of James' racing heart. Almost. They were in trouble and right now he wasn't in any condition to help. But he wasn't ready to give up, not yet.

'Looks like there's a jammer somewhere on board,' he knew he was stating the obvious even though Kaidan nodded in agreement. 'Any chance we can access some kind of control from back here?'

'Not sure,' Kaidan was already at work on his omnitool, 'haven't really studied the shuttle schematics.'

'Never thought I'd miss Esteban,' James muttered and Shepard let out a soft chuckle.

Kaidan's eyebrows lifted as he looked at the scan results. 'We've got power,' he grinned as James scoffed. 'Okay, we knew that, the lights are still on. But there seems to be a major power conduit and control board behind … ,' he turned to look at the bulkhead alongside the cockpit door, 'this panel.'

'How do we know that won't open the hatch and kill us all,' Jacob asked.

'We don't,' Kaidan was already at work removing the cover.

'So what, you just play with it and hope for the best?'

'Something like that.'

'That's insane.' Jacob was on his feet and James didn't miss the panic in his voice. 'You'll kill us all.'

'You put us out here where we're going to die anyway,' James glared at him and Shepard's grip tightened.

'I didn't do this!' Jacob's hands turned blue, the energised air in close quarters made them all tingle.

'Jacob,' Dr Cole placed her hand on his arm, 'I'm sure the Major will be careful, I don't think he wants to die any more than we do.'

Jacob dropped his eyes to hers and James was surprised when he nodded and sat down. Dr Cole took his hand and leant against him as he scowled at James before lifting his arm and allowing her to settle against his chest. When he was satisfied that Jacob had calmed down James allowed himself to relax and Shepard let out a sigh as she dropped her head onto his shoulder.

James dropped his head back against the bulkhead, turning slightly to avoid his injury, which put his lips in close contact with the top of Shepard's head. He kissed her hair without thinking and brought his hand up to cup her head. It would be so easy to close his eyes and sleep but he couldn't afford to let it happen.

'How you doin' Lola?' He didn't miss the way Jacob's eyes narrowed, his head tilted and his lips became a thin line.

'I'm good.'

She was lying and he knew it, but he couldn't even imagine what she was feeling right now. To lose her sight then be put in this situation. She had to be terrified. Not being in control, of her senses, of the situation had to be grating on her, it was her one flaw, the unwavering dependence on herself.

'Do you know anything about the shuttle schematics, Alenko could probably use your help.' James flicked his eyes upward as Alenko glanced at him and lifted his lips in a half smile.

'I can't see, James, how can I be of any help.' And there it was, the fear in her voice that he suspected she was hiding from him.

'Lola, you're the best engineer I know. Shit, I've seen you do things others wouldn't even think about. You can do stuff with your eyes closed that I wouldn't even dare to do with mine open.' She shifted in his arms and he gave her a gentle squeeze. 'You might have lost your sight but you're still the smartest person here when it comes to this kinda thing.'

'I don't … , I can't …. .'

'Lola,' he cupped her face and dropped his forehead to hers, thankful she couldn't see the grimace it caused. 'You can do this, I believe in you.' She lifted her hands to his.

He could see the doubt on her face, feel the fear in her painful grip of his hands, sense the uncertainty as her emotions washed over him. He really did believe in her, he knew she could do this, she just had to believe it herself.

'Help me up,' she sat up and her grip on his hand loosened.

'Commander,' Dr Cole sat up, 'I might be able to help with your implants if you let me take a look.'

'Dr Cole,' Shepard spoke softly but James was relieved to hear some of her strength returning, 'I know you mean well, but I don't know you. You say you have nothing to do with this, that I should trust you, but how do I do that? It's nothing personal but for now it has to be this way.'

'Shepard,' Jacob went to stand but Dr Cole held him down.

'I understand, Commander, and I guess I'd feel the same if the positions were reversed.'

'Okay, Lola, let's do this.'

James leant on the bulkhead and pushed himself upright, closing his eyes as the room spun and his head throbbed. The feel of Shepard's hand in his helped him regain his equilibrium and he held her elbow as she stood beside him.

'I need you to give Kaidan my omnitool.' He helped her slip it over her hand and pass it to Kaidan. 'You'll find a collection of diagnostic tools on … .'

'Got it,' Kaidan grinned and glanced up at her, 'I remember some of these from the SR-1.'

'Yeah, that panel you could never seem to fix,' she chuckled and James let out a silent breath. 'Third tool down, run that one, then tell me what you see on the control board.'

James listened as Kaidan described the board to her, the sound of Kaidan's voice fading as his eyelids dropped like boulders from an unstable slope.

'James!'

Shepard's panicked voice shocked him back to awareness. He stumbled as he lifted his head, falling against Shepard who held him upright.

'I knew you were hiding something from me,' she sounded more concerned than angry and James figured that was a good thing. 'It's not like you to sit quietly when we're in danger.'

'Didn't want to worry you, Lola,' he gave her a lopsided grin then mentally kicked himself. _Pendejo, she can't see you._

'James, sit,' Kaidan urged him to a seat and he had no choice but to comply. Kaidan checked his wound and ran his medical scanner over him. 'I'd rather not give you any kind of medication unless you're in a lot of pain, but you need to stay awake, and I don't want you to move from this seat. Is that understood.'

James nodded and instantly regretted it. 'So, is this how you get some quality time with Shepard?' He grinned as Kaidan laughed.

'Oh yeah, can't think of a better time than when we're facing certain death.' He stared into James' eyes and he had to remind himself that Kaidan was a field medic.

'Careful, Alenko, Shepard might get jealous.'

He huffed a laugh and shook his head. 'You good?'

'Yeah, go do what it is you tech heads do,' he waved him away and with a pat on his knee Kaidan re-joined Shepard.

'How is he?' Shepard turned as he moved beside her and James hated hearing the worry in her voice.

'Mild concussion and a minor head wound. Nothing that will keep him down for long.' Kaidan brought up the diagnostic tool and continued his scans. 'I think I've got something.' He fiddled with her omnitool and the rear screen dropped down and activated. 'Looks like this is a diagnostic readout.' He was already reading the information on the screen.

'Kaidan,' Shepard reached out and found his arm.

'Oh, yeah, sorry,' he started reading aloud.

'So we've got life support and little else,' Shepard sighed when he'd finished. 'Systems will be running on back up power and things will slowly stop working. The filters won't work at full capacity so it's going to get harder to breath as CO2 builds up and it will get cold.' She ran her fingers through her hair, 'we need to find that jammer.'

James heard them talking, listing the possibilities of where the jammer might be but they were missing something. His thought processes were slowly settling and his head wasn't throbbing as much but it took him a moment to voice his thoughts.

'What about on the hull?'

'What?' Kaidan turned towards him and Shepard cocked her head.

'If it was in the cockpit wouldn't it have been affected by the blast? If it was back here wouldn't we find it too easily.'

'Possibly,' Shepard folded her arm over her stomach. 'Kaidan, there's a scanner on my tool, it's a structural scanner that will give us a picture of the shuttle, I was testing it for Alliance R&D. It might be useful.'

'The X-ray vision scanner,' he grinned and James couldn't help but laugh.

'It doesn't see through clothing,' she knew exactly where his thoughts had gone.

'Well damn, that takes the fun out of it, Lola.'

"Blame the person who gave it to me, she was never good at naming stuff,' she closed her eyes and drew in a breath.

Whoever it was, she was special to Shepard, James could see it in the scrunching of her eyes and the clenching of her fists. She'd never mentioned anyone left behind, other than Anderson and it hurt a little to think she hadn't shared that pain with him. He was coming to terms with it though, even now, after everything they'd been through she still found it hard to share her deepest feelings. But it was definitely something he would ask her about later.

'Let's give this a try,' Kaidan activated the scanner, aiming at the cockpit. 'Looks like the front of the shuttle is gone and there's probably too much damage for the kinetic barriers to kick in.' He scanned the rear of the shuttle, 'the back looks intact but the engines are cold.' He scanned the section they were in, 'looks okay in here.'

'Anything that looks unusual,' Shepard rubbed her eyes and blew out a breath.

'You okay, Shepard?'

James went to stand but the glare Kaidan threw his way made him think twice. He had to admit, he did feel better staying still and seated.

'My eyes are aching.'

'Let me see.' He pulled a light from his pocket and flashed it across her eyes. 'Do you see anything?' She shook her head and he reached for the medical pack. 'I'd like to put some drops in, you're not blinking as you normally would so your eyes are probably a little dry.'

'If her implants were overloaded it may have numbed where the optic nerves were attached. It might be wearing off.' Dr Cole suggested and Kaidan nodded.

'Do you want something for the pain?' He looked into Shepard's eyes and James could see he was concerned as she scrunched her eyes closed then blinked to spread the drops.

'No, I can deal with it.'

'Okay, but let me know if anything changes.' She nodded and he went back to his scan results. James couldn't help the heavy weight that settled in his stomach as Kaidan's face paled. 'I think I've found it.' He kept working as he spoke. 'It's on the hull. One of us is going to have to go outside.'

James had never been more disappointed to be right. Kaidan was still working desperately on his omnitool and James couldn't ignore the growing sense of panic that wormed it's way into his gut.

'We have a bigger problem.' He dropped his arm and raised his eyes to them. 'In about fifteen minutes we'll hit the planet's atmosphere.'


	58. Chapter 58

**** 58 ****

'Shepard, you open that hatch and we're dead.' Jacob was on his feet, leaning towards Shepard with clenched fists.

James grabbed the edge of his seat, ready to push up and put Jacob back in his place. Giving him a few bruises would definitely make him feel better.

'Jacob, if you know anything about me, you know I won't let that happen.' Shepard leaned towards him even though she was only guessing at his position.

'We don't have suits to protect us,' there was panic in his voice and while James could understand it grated on his nerves.

'Guess you don't know Shepard very well,' James couldn't help himself. 'Explains why she wasn't lured into your bed.'

'James,' Shepard warned, but the slight upturn of her lips assured him she wasn't serious.

'What?' Dr Cole glanced from Jacob to Shepard and back again. 'What is he talking about, Jacob.'

'It's nothing,' Jacob sat and took her hand.

'He didn't tell you,' James was on a downhill run and had no brakes. 'He was positioned on the Normandy by TIM to seduce Shepard, get her invested with him and Cerberus.' The twinge of guilt at the pain on her face was short lived.

'Is that true?' She pulled her hand from his grip and glared at him.

'Yes, it was part of my … .'

'So were you ordered by the Illusive Man into my bed too? Are you the one who gave us away?'

'No, I … .'

'Enough.' Shepard's voice silenced further conversation, leaving no doubt about who was in charge. 'We can figure this out later. Right now we're running out of time and need to know where we stand.'

She pulled herself erect and James saw the exact moment when she went from his Lola to Commander Shepard, N7 and Spectre. Her eyes moved around the small space even though she couldn't see and he knew she was working on a plan.

'We need an inventory of everything we have on board, if this was an Alliance shuttle I'd know but it's not. Empty everything out of storage, and do it quickly.' She stepped sideways, her arm reaching out for the bulkhead so she could get out of the way. 'James, I need you to tell me what we've got.'

'You got it, Commander,' he lifted the seat beside him and slowly reached down into the storage compartment, dragging out its contents and dropping them on the floor.

'Kaidan, where is the jammer,' Shepard accepted his hand as he moved her against the cockpit door and James was thankful at least one of them was still alert and capable.

'Under our feet, about half a metre from the hatch.'

'How's your zero G?'

'Rusty, but I'll manage.'

The pile of things on the floor didn't bode well. James slid off the seat onto the floor and sorted through what they'd found. From the sharp intake of breath he knew Jacob had realised the same.

'Commander,' James pulled her attention towards him. 'We've only got one emergency suit, with no helmet.'

'Damn,' she felt her way into the seat beside him. 'What else?'

'Four breather packs, five large emergency blankets, half a dozen tethers, two hull repair kits, some ration bars, water and a couple of lights.'

He tossed a ration bar to Kaidan who didn't hesitate to unwrap it. James was well aware that his energy levels would be dropping, he'd used his biotics extensively and if he was going outside he needed those energy reserves. He glanced up at Shepard to see her leaning an elbow on her knee and cupping her chin in her palm, her brow furrowed as she figured out the best way for all of them to survive.

'Got an idea, Lola?' He smiled as she nodded.

'Yeah,' she placed her hand on his shoulder, 'just hope Jacob still trusts me.'

'He's a fool if he doesn't,' James placed his hand over hers. 'What do you need?'

'Emergency blankets, tethers, repair kits, breathers and water.' She sat back as James gathered everything together. 'You should put the rest of the stuff back in storage so it doesn't float around.'

'What are you planning, Commander?' If Dr Cole was afraid she hid it well.

James looked at everything laid out on the floor. What was she planning? It took him a moment before his eyes widened as he guessed at what she would do with what they had. As she explained her plan to Dr Cole he listened in awe, it was enough to arouse him and he squirmed into a more comfortable position. As if she understood his dilemma she patted his shoulder and her mouth turned up into a half smile.

'You want us to get into a cocoon of emergency blankets, then lie there not knowing what's going on?' Jacob's voice shook and James felt a little sorry for him. He'd hate to be in the dark too, with no control over whether he lived or died. 'That's nuts, Shepard, even for you.'

'You either trust me or you don't. We could die either way but we will definitely die in about ten minutes if you don't do this.' She stood up and her strength washed over them all. 'Make your decision, now.'

'I trust you, Commander,' Dr Cole stood up. 'What do you want us to do?'

'First you need to drink, you need to stay hydrated. Second you need to strip to your underwear.'

'Why?' Jacob was frowning at her.

'Because body heat will work better without clothing. You're a biotic, Jacob, you run warmer so your heat will help to keep Dr Cole alive.'

James was unfolding the blankets as she spoke. He got to his feet as Dr Cole began to unbutton her shirt. He was relieved that the world didn't spin even though his head pounded. He spread his arms and held up the blanket, giving Dr Cole some privacy as she undressed. When she was done he gently wrapped the blanket around her.

'Make sure their heads are covered too,' Shepard was unfolding blankets, her fingers working confidently, 'reflective side against their bodies.' She held out a blanket for James, 'lay this on the floor and another one on top.'

Jacob picked up the breather packs, handing one to Dr Cole, lifting her face to his with his finger under her chin and leaning in to kiss her. James stepped away to give them a moment, for the first time having something in common with him. He would want to make the most of what could be their last moment too.

'Will this work, Lola?' James spoke softly as he moved beside her, his hand reaching for hers.

'They should be safe for about an hour or so, their body heat will start to seep out after that. Our armours aren't meant for exposure to space but they will keep us alive for about the same time.'

'How do you know?'

'It's what we had to do as part of our training, how to survive in space with limited resources.'

'So this is all part of your N7 training?'

'Yep. We had a better supply of stuff in our Alliance shuttle, no armour, but four emergency suits and six of us needing to stay alive.' She reached up and brushed his face, her fingers moving over his skin as if she was truly feeling him for the first time. 'It was a little different, but we lost all power so we sat in the dark, suits set to minimum, just enough to keep us alive. We had to survive for almost two hours, half of that with Jacobson whining about how we were all going to die. I ended up pointing my gun at him, threatening to shoot him if he didn't shut up. He never made a sound after that.'

'Sounds like fun,' he grinned as she scoffed a laugh.

'Didn't help when it really counted, they didn't give us lessons in how to reconnect air hoses while falling into a planet's atmosphere.' James didn't know how to respond to that.

'We're ready,' Jacob pulled their attention away from each other.

'You and Dr Cole need to lie on the blankets on the floor, keep the blankets you have around you, put on the breather packs and bring the blanket tops together, Jacob you need to wrap yourself around Dr Cole without exposing skin.'

James took the head and Kaidan took the feet, securely tucking the blankets in around them as Jacob held her against him. Following Shepard's instructions they wrapped a third blanket around them, tying it top and bottom to create a closed cocoon. The last two blankets went top and bottom, wrapping them up then trapping the ends into the seat locks and using a very fine line of hot weld to fuse the edges together. James left most of the sealing work to Kaidan as he had Shepard's more precise omnitool, that and his hands were still unsteady, the last thing he wanted to do was put a hole in it.

'Kaidan, we need to vent the air,' Shepard took her helmet from James and was about to put it on when he stopped her.

'Lola,' he cupped her face and kissed her softly, 'I love you.'

'I love you too,' she wrapped her arms around his neck. 'Maybe we should have snuck in a wedding before now, if you still want to marry me when I can't see.'

'We'll have that wedding,' he rested his forehead against hers. 'And our friends would never forgive us if we did it without them.'

'Something I should know?'

James turned his head and looked at Kaidan who was grinning at them.

'Sprung,' Shepard chuckled.

'Let's do this,' James got to his feet, reaching for the straps on the seat to buckle Shepard in.

He was glad she couldn't see because they were about to release the hatch and open them up to space. As his helmet locked into place he was thankful that she wasn't able to push herself into stepping out of the shuttle. He wasn't sure she was ready for that yet.

'Okay,' Kaidan waited for a thumbs up. 'Venting air and shutting down power.'

James locked his boots on and did the same for Shepard as Kaidan tethered himself to the bulkhead by the door. The sense of weightlessness kicked in and James connected himself to the tether point on the opposite side to Kaidan. He glanced at Shepard, she had a white knuckle grip on the straps holding her shoulders down. The cocoon on the floor lifted and he had no doubt adrenaline was kicking in for the two wrapped inside.

'You okay, James,' Kaidan spoke into his helmet.

'Yeah, as long as I stay upright.' He placed his hand on Kaidan's shoulder, 'I've got your back.'

Kaidan nodded, released the hatch and James heard the environment controls in his armour kick up a notch. The idea of open space had always fascinated James and even though he worked on spaceships he'd never actually been in space. He'd done all his zero G training on those ships. There was so much of it. There was life out there, stars birthing and dying, planets forming, lifeforms evolving. It might be cold and dangerous but it definitely wasn't lifeless.

Movement brought him out of his musings as Kaidan stepped to the edge of the shuttle, his boots just holding on as he gripped the bulkhead. James crouched, ready to help him manoeuvre lower. Not having an up or down Kaidan had to twist himself into a position under the shuttle, swinging his legs around so his boots could get a grip on the underside. It was a little disorienting, knowing that Kaidan was upside down beneath him, or was he upside down to Kaidan's upright. _Pendejo, don't think about it._ His already fuzzy mind was running in circles.

'Fuck,' Kaidan's curse was loud in his helmet.

'What's wrong?' Shepard beat him to a response.

'It's rigged with explosives.'

'Shit,' James muttered and looked up as the planet below came into view, grew large then receded. The shuttle was rolling. 'Well that's not good.'

'No,' Kaidan agreed and James wasn't sure if he was talking about the bomb or the shuttle rolling.

'I'm sure you can get rid of it, Kaidan,' Shepard's confidence in him was unquestionable. 'Remember all the times we had to diffuse bombs on the SR-1.'

'How could I forget,' Kaidan scoffed. 'I think the nuclear bomb was the scariest though, until now.'

'You diffused a nuclear bomb?' James gaped inside his helmet.

'It was either that or get blown up.' Shepard pointed out and James turned to look at her. 'Eden Prime was the most challenging I think.'

'Only because you had to run between geth, I've never seen anyone diffuse four bombs that quick.'

The conversation was keeping them relaxed, pushing away the underlying tension but James couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Not because of their relationship, but because he hadn't been there for any of that. If he had been would she have chosen him over Kaidan, maybe it was better that he wasn't because he benefited from Kaidan's stuff ups.

'I think I've … .'

'Shit, Shepard, where are you?'

'Right here, Joker.'

'Fuck! Way to give a person a heart attack.'

James chuckled at the obvious surprise then relief in the pilot's voice. He could hear Garrus in the background asking questions. A hand on his boot drew his attention and he reached down to help Kaidan back into the shuttle.

'What the hell happened?' Joker was still yelling. 'Uh, wait, we just got your location.' There was a muffled conversation and James' uh-oh itch burst into life. 'Shepard, there's a Cerberus frigate heading towards you and EDI says your shuttle is damaged.'

'That's an understatement,' James smirked.

'How does Steve feel about doing some fancy flying?' Shepard was still thinking on her feet and James was turned on more than he should be by her confidence and control. 'You need to delay that frigate, destroy it if you have to, and we need to get out of here. We're in zero G so Steve might want to bring someone with him.'

'Um, guys,' Kaidan looked up at James but spoke to both of them, 'the hatch won't close.'

'And this day just keeps getting better,' James glanced at the cocoon of blankets. While he wasn't impressed with Jacob he didn't want him to die on his watch either.

'Make it quick, Joker, we've got two people here without protective suits, our armour is working overtime and we can't close the hatch.'

'Shit. On our way.'

James moved back to sit beside Shepard, gently pulling her hand from around the strap and linking his fingers with hers. It was bulky with their gloves but the idea was sound. She leaned in towards him, as if his physical presence would keep her safe. She might not be able to see but he imagined she could feel the pull of space.

'You doin' okay, Lola,' he gave her fingers a squeeze, hoping she could feel it.

'Yep,' she answered too quickly, her voice calm but her tone a little higher than usual.

'We're gonna make it.'

'Of course we will.'

He grinned, always positive, well nearly always. If she wasn't she wouldn't let it show because they needed to believe it. She was the perfect leader, once he would have followed her purely because of her name, now he would follow her because he knew she deserved it. She was everything a commander should be. Her strength, even under conditions like these, was obvious, he couldn't tell if she was losing hope, not without seeing her face. She was the type of leader and soldier he'd always wanted to be and he hoped one day to have others say the same about him.

'Commander,' Steve spoke into their earpieces, 'we're coming up alongside you now.'

'Good to hear,' she sighed and sagged in the seat.

James got to his feet slowly, he wasn't taking any chances on the world going topsy turvy, especially now. Steve brought the shuttle alongside, the hatch sliding open to reveal Tali standing inside. Steve's skill made it look easy to line up with their shuttle, match their movement and come close enough so they only had a small gap to jump. The man was good at his job and James definitely owed him a drink after this.

'Shepard, let's get you across,' James went to unbuckle her restraints.

'No, James, get Jacob and Dr Cole across first.'

James went to argue but thought better of it. She would always be the last to leave and he understood that, but right now she was vulnerable and he wanted to get her to safety, he had a very strong feeling she was also trying to hold off the inevitable. With that in mind he rushed to help Kaidan move the cocoon, he was a little worried when there was no movement from inside. They had the benefit of zero G to help them as they carefully pushed the couple towards the hatch, increasing pressure to urge them across the narrow gap. Kaidan jumped across and helped Tali pull the package to the back of the shuttle.

The shuttle jerked as James was releasing Shepard and he fell forward, knocking his helmet against hers. His vision clouded and his stomach contents threatened to break free. It was all he could do to swallow it down.

'Commander, you need to move. We're hitting the upper atmosphere and I don't know how long I can maintain this position.'

'Roger that,' Shepard acknowledged as she took his hand. 'Let's do this James, together.'

'You got it, Lola.'

James wrapped his arm around her waist as she tucked her arm around his, grabbing hold of his belt for extra security. Every step towards the gap was slow and tedious, the weight of injury and fear sitting on their shoulders like huge boulders. Finally they were ready to make the jump and James was surprised to feel Shepard's grip loosen.

'James, I … .' She stopped and he could feel her shaking.

Turning to face her he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her.

'I've got you, Andy.'

She tucked her hands into his weapons belt and nodded. He bent his knees and pushed off from the shuttle, letting his momentum carry him across the gap as he held her tight. Hands gripped his shoulders and they were carefully pulled into the waiting shuttle. He was relieved when his boots locked onto the floor and the hatch closed, securing them within its safety. He heard Kaidan talking to Steve and felt the slow return of gravity and air. Shepard sagged against him and he could hear her breathing heavily. He tightened his hold around her. They were safe and they were going home.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm putting a trigger warning here, might not be necessary but just in case. Part of this chapter includes a violation of privacy, hints of sexual perversion and downright discomfort. It begins when EDI points out that it 'might be disturbing' and ends at the paragraph starting 'James, don't,'. You will get the gist of it if you prefer not to read that part. I am going off canon somewhat but it is all for a good reason.
> 
> I hope you still enjoy it.

**** 59 ****

'How is she?' James looked up as Garrus entered and walked towards them.

'Doc has her sedated, to help with the pain and the anxiety.' James' eyes moved to Shepard's face. 'Not that she'd admit she was scared. Doc's gone to find someone called Miranda.'

'Miranda was the one that brought Shepard back from the dead, she might be able to help. What about you?'

'Doc fixed me up,' he grinned at the turian, 'gave me some good meds, kinda buzzing right now. Says I'll be fit for duty in a few hours, light duties at least.'

'Good, you need a shower,' Garrus chuckled and took a seat on the other side of Shepard's bed. 'We put Jacob and Dr Cole in the port cargo room, made them comfortable. Kaidan is down there talking to them.'

'You know this guy, can we trust him?'

James sat back in his seat and winced as he stretched his legs out. He needed more than a shower and his body was letting him know it. The most he'd done so far was get out of his armour so the doc could examine him.

'Once I would have said yes. Now, after everything we know about indoctrination and what TIM is doing to his people …, I really don't know.' Garrus sighed and dropped his head into his hands before resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his curled fingers. 'I'd like to think he's still on our side.'

'Cerberus was there in force,' James sat forward and mirrored Garrus' position. 'How could that happen if no-one gave us away?'

'How did they get to her eyes, I thought that necklace she wore was supposed to protect her.'

James raised his eyebrows at the sudden change of subject, but he could understand the hesitation in wanting to put off thinking the worst of someone considered a friend.

'She wasn't wearing it, said she couldn't find it even though she was sure she left it on the bedside drawer.' His eyes lingered on Shepard's face, she looked so peaceful when she was asleep but he knew she would wake up soon and he really wanted to have some answers for her. 'Something's not right here, Scars. We've thought before that we might have a mole on the ship, I think we need to dig deeper.'

They both glanced up as the door opened and EDI stepped into the medbay, locking the door behind her. She stood there for a moment, her gaze on some invisible point on the wall and his guts spun into knots. He heard Garrus shift in his seat and he had a sudden urge to pick up a weapon.

James' brow furrowed as she looked from him to Garrus before settling her gaze on Shepard. If she'd been human James would have said she was upset, maybe guilty. He jumped when she moved towards them and tensed as alarm bells thundered inside his head.

'Commander Vega,' EDI stopped before him in a perfect parade rest. 'I request permission to shut down.'

'What?'

'Why?'

James glanced at Garrus and saw confusion looking back. Once before he'd suspected there was something wrong with EDI, he hated thinking he might have been right.

'EDI, explain.' He stood up and faced the AI.

'We should discuss this in the AI room for security reasons.' She glanced at Shepard before adding, 'I do not believe Shepard should be left alone at this time.'

A cold knot settled in James' gut. If EDI was so obviously worried he should be too, she was the eyes and ears of the Normandy. If anyone knew there was something wrong it would be her. But he wasn't tech minded.

He opened the com. 'Traynor, Tali, Alenko, Liara, you are required in medbay.' He left no room for doubt. 'Garrus … .'

'I've got Shepard.'

'What's going on?' Chakwas entered, her eyes immediately going to Shepard. 'Why was the door locked?'

'Just some issues we need to sort out, doc,' James met her eyes, 'Garrus can fill you in.' He was about to move away but turned back to Chakwas as she hurried to Shepard's bedside. 'How did you go with Miranda?'

'She made a few suggestions, but we can discuss that later, Shepard needs to be awake.'

'Roger that.' James led EDI towards the AI core as Traynor and Tali arrived.

'What's wrong?' Both women spoke at once and glanced at Shepard, James had to hold up his hands as they rushed towards her.

'I need your tech knowledge,' he indicated they should head into the AI core as Kaidan rushed through the door. 'Whoa, nothing's wrong with Shepard,' James stopped him before he could ask, glancing at Liara who seemed hesitant to follow Kaidan in. 'We have a problem and you guys know more about this shit than I do.' He led them into the AI core where the others were waiting.

EDI was standing by the table at the end of the room, her head down and her arms hanging at her side. She was the image of despondency and he wondered if everyone else could see how human like she was becoming. From the furrowed brows and narrowed eyes he guessed they could.

'EDI,' he moved towards her and she looked up with the most human face he had ever seen on her. He got the distinct feeling she was about to cry. 'Are we secure?'

'I think so.'

'You think so?' Tali voiced what everyone was obviously thinking if the gaping mouths were any indication.

'I have asked Commander Vega for permission to shut down.' She waited for the quiet as everyone spoke at once. 'I believe I have been compromised. I also believe it is my fault Shepard has been blinded.'

There was another round of everyone talking at once, one question layered over another but it was getting them nowhere.

'Hey,' James yelled into the din and he grinned as Traynor and Tali jumped. 'Let her explain.' He looked back to the AI, 'EDI?'

'I have felt for some time like something was not right.' She began pacing and James couldn't help but think she'd been watching Shepard. 'I have run several self diagnostics, all of which returned within normal parameters. I began to believe I was imagining things, that perhaps I was wrong. Which led me to two conclusions. Either my programming was corrupt or someone had infiltrated my systems. I believe it is the latter. In order for the problem to be found I thought it necessary to shut down and allow someone else to check my core programming.'

'But that won't work,' Traynor stepped forward, 'we can look at lines of code all day but without your systems operating we might not find the one that's causing the problem.'

Kaidan moved beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder, it was sign that he'd come to trust her platform and she acknowledged it with a stiff smile. 'What made you think something was wrong in the first place?'

'I have noticed blank spots in my memory core.'

'EDI, do you mind if we look?' The softness in Kaidan's voice surprised James until he realised that he wasn't the only one noticing that she was becoming more than just an AI. Looking at her code would be like a doctor's examination, she would be vulnerable.

'No, I do not mind,' she watched as Tali, Traynor, Liara and Kaidan all opened up their omnitools, linked into her systems and studied the lines of code.

'There is nothing obvious,' Tali kept working as the others nodded in agreement.

'They are nanosecond gaps,' EDI looked at them in turn, 'unnoticeable until they grew in number and became more frequent.'

'When have these gaps occurred?' James couldn't help with the coding but he had questions too.

'The first was when Shepard was almost taken by Cerberus on the Citadel. The most recent was just after we set course for Gellix.'

'Why do you believe you are responsible for Shepard's blindness?' Liara spoke up and James nodded, it was a good question.

'She lost her necklace which allowed the Cerberus engineer to target her optic implants. The necklace was not lost however, it was stolen.' EDI stood at parade rest as question after question was thrown at her.

'Stolen by who?' James spoke over everyone else.

'I do not know,' she met his eyes and his gut churned. 'I believe we have a cloaked Cerberus spy on board.'

'EDI, you need to give us details, now.' The authority in his voice left no room for questions.

'I managed to recover a file from one of the gaps,' their omnitools flashed to life with camera footage. 'It may be … , disturbing.'

They watched in silence as the elevator opened onto level one, no-one stepped out but the door to Shepard's quarters slid open. The hair on the back of James' neck stiffened and he shivered. The feed switched to the inside of Shepard's quarters but they appeared empty. Nothing happened, until a pair of Shepard's panties floated up from the floor.

He ignored the pain in his jaw as he clenched it tighter, his fingers curled and he really needed to punch something, or someone. The panties disappeared and he assumed they'd been hidden inside the cloak. There was no shimmer or reflection that was sometimes visible, this was good tech, which was going to make it damned hard to find whoever was underneath. An indent of a body appeared on the bed.

'Fuck. That asshole!'

The indent remained on the bed and it took a moment for them to realise what was happening as the shape moved, as heels and shoulders dug into the bed. The sheets in the area he guessed was the hips moved backwards and forwards and he wanted to be sick. The panties re-appeared and were tossed onto the floor.

'Oh goddess,' Liara whispered.

James glanced up to see Tali hanging on to Traynor, the specialist had her eyes closed and tears rolled down her face. Kaidan was grinding his teeth, his eyes flashing with something dark that James had never seen before but he was watching the footage intently. James looked back to the screen to see the indent gone and Shepard's necklace lifted, vanishing into nothing.

The door to her quarters opened and Shepard entered, fully armoured, walking straight to the bedside table. She placed her hand on the table, looked on the floor, lifted the pillow on the bed before standing and looking around the room. James watched as her eyes narrowed, she seemed to sniff the air, glancing over her shoulder as if sensing something. She picked up a shirt and towel from the floor, scooping the panties up with them and tossing them into the laundry chute. She dropped to her knees and felt around on the floor between the bed and table, getting to her feet as her search turned up nothing. With a last look at the bedside table she turned and left.

It was just before the Gellix mission, he remembered her saying she'd forgotten something and waiting in the shuttle bay while she went to get it. She hadn't worn the necklace to bed and she often didn't on the ship because she felt safe. His guts churned and he swallowed past the lump in his throat as an image of her in the room with a hidden attacker turned into something much worse. What if … ?

'James, don't,' Kaidan was watching him and he could see his fear reflected back. 'EDI, from the size of the indent on the bed I'm guessing male, about my height and weight.'

'That would be a fair assessment,' she nodded and a list of crew appeared on their omnitools. 'These are the male crew members that fit this profile, all of them were at their posts when this event occurred.'

'EDI, aren't the cameras turned off in Shepard's quarters?' James asked, his brow furrowed as he looked at her.

'Whenever Shepard, or yourself, are in her quarters the cameras are disabled. At all other times they are switched on, it was part of a safety protocol Shepard implemented during the Collector mission.'

'Does anyone else know about his protocol?'

'Only Joker and myself.'

'So whoever this is either doesn't care about the cameras or doesn't know there are cameras in her quarters.' Something wasn't adding up. 'If TIM sent them wouldn't he know about the protocol, about the cameras.'

'Perhaps, I was not as forthcoming as he expected with ship reports.'

'What if he does?' Traynor had recomposed herself and glanced at them in turn. 'What if he's throwing this in our face, if he wants us to know he's here?'

'If he's Cerberus and TIM sent him he should know that EDI would discover the gaps in her memory,' Tali was working on her omnitool. 'EDI can we recover any more data from these gaps?'

'I was attempting to do so but I deemed it safer to shut down and allow someone else to search.'

'No, we need you on this EDI, you can do this much faster than anyone else.' James was glad no one took offence only nodded in agreement.

'EDI, don't you have biometric readings of the entire crew?' Kaidan's hands were flying across the haptic interface of his tool and James was a little in awe.

'Yes, Major Alenko, I do.'

'Have you scanned for biometric readings that don't belong to the crew?'

'I have, but there are some places on the ship where my scanners do not work. Several of the maintenance shafts around engineering are shielded because of the mass effect core. This would prove dangerous for the intruder but if his cloaking technology includes barriers he may be able to stay hidden for long periods of time. There are also maintenance holes along the hull, it would be cold but survivable. It does, however, affect my readings.'

'Then that's where we start looking.' James was thankful for any leads. 'Kaidan … .'

'I've got it. EDI, send me a schematic.'

James looked back at EDI. 'Is there anything else we should know?'

'I believe this person may have sent messages from the ship, I have discovered anomalies in some of the communication feeds.'

'How do we know he's not in this room with us?' Liara asked and everyone looked at her.

'I have scanned for biometric readings both here and in the medbay, I did not detect any unknown persons.'

'How can we be sure though, if his technology is as advanced as it appears can we assume that ours is good enough to find him.'

'He still has to breathe,' Tali waved her hand in the air, 'EDI's sensors can pick up on that even if she can't see him.'

'Unless he's wearing an enviro suit or armour,' Liara frowned at her.

'The indent on the bed wasn't big enough for that,' Kaidan reassured her.

'This guy had to come on board at some point,' James paced the small space, trying to get his head around what was happening. 'Liara,' he stopped and looked at the asari who raised her eyebrows at him. 'Can you get access to camera feeds from the Alliance docks on the Citadel and anywhere else we've docked that he might have been able to come aboard?'

'I will do what I can.'

'He has to eat, piss and shit,' James was back to pacing but a thought suddenly hit him in the face. 'Unless he's an AI.'

'An AI wouldn't do what he did,' Kaidan pointed out and James knew he was right.

'There has to be some way we can find him. Traynor, you help EDI with the communication stuff, Tali, work with EDI, Kaidan and Adams to see if we can flush this guy out somehow, give him nowhere to hide.' James opened up his coms, 'Joker, where are we?'

'About to hit the relay to the Citadel.'

'Belay that, find us a quiet corner and hide.'

'What? Roger that.' Not a moment of mistrust and James was eternally grateful even though he knew the pilot would have a million questions.

'Alright people, you know what to do,' James looked from one to the other. 'Keep me informed. I need to talk to Chakwas and Garrus.'

Everyone filed out, already at work and just as angry as James. This was personal for all of them and he'd be damned if he was going to keep his emotions in check. Liara hesitated by the door and James almost walked into her.

'Commander,' she turned to face him, her hands folding and unfolding.

'Call me James or Vega, Liara, commander always makes me think people are talking to Shepard.' He forced a smile but knew she'd seen through him. 'What's up?'

'I want to apologise, for my behaviour, towards you,' she sighed and looked at the floor. 'It was wrong and I'm sorry.'

'Don't worry about it,' he placed his hand on her shoulder and she met his eyes, 'you're in love with Shepard. I know how that feels.'

'You … .' She stared at him for a moment before dropping her eyes. 'Thank you.'

'Let me know if you find anything.' He stepped beside her as the door opened. 'You should come out and join us for meals too,' he gave her a genuine smile and she returned it.

'I will think about it.' She bowed her head and left.

James looked to Shepard's bed to find her awake with Chakwas conducting an examination. Kaidan and Garrus were talking quietly in the corner and Shepard's brow furrowed as she strained to listen. He joined them as he waited for the doctor to finish.

'This is … ,' Garrus seemed lost for words.

'Sick,' James offered.

'Yeah, that fits.

'Kaidan, did you get anything from Jacob or Dr Cole?' James watched as the biotic raised his hands and scrubbed his face. None of them had managed to rest since the last mission.

'Not really, he seems as in the dark as we are,' he looked at Garrus, 'should we give him the benefit of the doubt?'

'What choice do we have, we can't keep them locked up forever. Especially as we're not heading back to the Citadel for a while.'

'Let them out, but they have a constant guard. They can eat in the mess, use the port obs lounge but no access to engineering, the shuttle bay or CIC.' James still wasn't sure but maybe they could use them. 'EDI,' he spoke softly but knew she would hear him, 'make sure they are monitored at all times.'

'Of course.'

'Garrus, can you let Joker know what's going on, I don't think he should be alone up there either.'

'EDI is with him,' Garrus reminded him.

'Yeah, but just in case,' he left the rest unsaid but from the wide eyes stares he received he knew they understood. 'Kaidan, see if Javik can help, with that touch thing he can do.' The biotic frowned and James could understand his hesitation. 'Can't hurt to ask.'

They both nodded and left. He turned back to Shepard and even though she couldn't see her eyes were on him. He knew he couldn't hide the truth from her, he just wasn't ready to tell her all of it. The thought of what could have happened haunted him and he fought down revulsion and nausea. Sucking in a breath he walked across the room.

'Hey Lola, you okay?' He stood beside her and took her hand, which she squeezed and held onto.

'I don't know,' she tilted her head towards Chakwas, 'how am I doctor?'


	60. Chapter 60

**** 60 ****

James walked into their quarters and stopped. The rumpled bed sent a flood of images into his head and he dashed to the bathroom, curling over the toilet as his stomach contents refused to stay down. His heart pounded, sweat poured from every pore and the room was a high speed roundabout. He closed his eyes to quell the cyclone in his guts but it only succeeded in making it worse. Eventually he had nothing more to offer the bowl, flushed away the unpleasant contents and fell against the wall.

The cool metal was refreshing on his sweaty skin and he let his head fall back, keeping his eyes closed as he fought to get a grip on his emotions. _Nothing happened. Lola is fine_. He forced himself to believe it, turned it into a mantra as he waited for his body to settle and his mind to clear. _But what if … ._

_She's fine, nothing happened._

_You wouldn't have known, maybe been too late._

_She's fine, nothing happened._

_Is she safe now? How can you keep her safe when you failed to help April? You promised her too._

'Fuck!' He pushed to his feet and washed his face with cold water.

It helped a little, but his inner turmoil was determined to torture him. Pushing past the sour taste in his mouth, the chills that ran up his spine and the racing of his heart he stepped into the small office space. The bed taunted him through the glass cabinet.

Fingernails bit into his palm as he stormed down the steps. He ripped away the bedding and flung it across the room, the mattress followed as he yanked it off the bed frame, tossing it onto the floor. His chest heaved as he stared at the mess, as he looked for something else to throw. He planted his feet, growled and bared his teeth, his fingers clenching and unclenching as his nostrils flared.

'James?' He hadn't heard the door open but he looked up to see Garrus in the doorway. 'Are you okay?'

'Does it look like I'm okay,' he raised his arms, taking in the room as he let out a harsh laugh before dropping onto to the bed frame and burying his face in his hands.

'Nothing happened, James, Shepard is fine.'

'Is she?' He stood up and paced the small space he had left. 'I didn't tell her about what happened here but I told her we have an intruder on the ship.' He stopped pacing and Garrus flinched as he glared at him. 'She went white. She's Commander Shepard, N7 badass, and she went white. She's fucking scared!' He perched on the edge of the bed and stared over his clenched hands at the floor. 'The one place she should feel safe and she fucking scared. She can't see, is vulnerable and has no control. How do I protect her from that?'

His eyes burned and he scrunched them shut. Garrus moved the mattress out of the way and sat beside him.

'By doing what you've always done, taking care of her.'

'I don't know what to do, Scars,' he hated the defeat in his voice but he was beyond hiding his fears from someone he trusted. 'I'm scared of failing her.'

'You could never fail her, James, you love her too much for that.' He nudged his shoulder and James flicked his eyes towards him. 'You're doing everything you can to keep her safe, to find this intruder. We're all doing what we can.'

'But what if we're not fast enough, what if we miss something?'

'We won't,' Garrus stood up. 'This isn't you James. Where's the badass soldier, the XO of the Normandy, the LT who became a Commander because he's more than capable and Shepard trusts him?'

He huffed a laugh. 'He's scared shitless that he's in over his head, that he'll fail, again, that he'll let everyone down.' He pushed to his feet, sucked in a breath and straightened his shoulders. 'But he's here, he just got lost for a moment. Shepard was right about being emotionally compromised but if anger gets me through this, bring it on.'

'That's the Jimmy we know and love.' Garrus clapped him on the shoulder.

'Weren't you watching Joker?'

'I put Westmoreland on the bridge, apparently she's very good at hand to hand. Edi is working in the conference room with Traynor. If she was human I'd say she's terrified. She's running passive scans but she can't guarantee whoever is on board doesn't have a way around them. Joker understands but he's not happy about it.' They both glanced up as the door opened.

'Redecorating?' Kaidan looked at the mess and while his tone was light James could see the darkness in his eyes.

'I might have anger issues,' he looked at the room around him and shrugged. 'What have you got?'

Kaidan activated his omnitool, seemed satisfied and walked towards them. They moved to the sofa and James was thankful for something to occupy his mind.

'There's not much to find, whoever is on board is good at hiding their tracks.' Kaidan brought up a ship schematic, 'we checked all the places EDI suggested but there was no-one there. Either they knew we were coming or they were somewhere else on the ship at the time. Javik said he could sense them, said he could feel cybernetics, like Shepard's.' He glanced at James, 'nice idea to use him. He's currently walking the ship to see if he can pick up any other traces.'

'He might be a rude, arrogant bastard but he knows how to get the job done,' James agreed.

'I've coded the medbay doors so only a select few can get in,' Kaidan continued, sending a file to James and Garrus as he spoke. 'The lock is green but won't open automatically. EDI doesn't know the code, she could easily get it if she wanted to, but she agreed that if she doesn't know it then at least it will take time if she's compromised and someone wants it. I've also activated a jammer around this room, it's a deterrent if nothing else and gives us privacy. It's normal for camera and audio feed to stop when you or Shepard are in here so whoever is on board might not notice the difference.'

'Thank you.' James blew out a sigh and Kaidan nodded.

They all flinched as the door opened and Liara entered. She stopped and took in the mess, her eyes widening as she looked at the three of them before joining them around the small table. James still felt a little uncomfortable around the asari but he knew she was just as determined to protect Shepard as he was. He could work with that.

'Have you discovered anything, Liara?' He couldn't hide the hope in his voice.

'I may have discovered how they've been sending messages,' she opened up her omnitool and leaned forward. 'This is the log of incoming and outgoing messages since we left Earth,' she selected a collection of files, 'these are the messages from the last three weeks,' she looked at them in turn, 'since Cerberus tried to take over the Citadel.'

_Three weeks!_ They'd had an intruder on board for three weeks and were only just finding out. Were they that incompetent or was he just that good? Whoever was on board could have done a lot of damage in that time, things that might not have shown up yet.

'Haven't we been queuing them because of intermittent connections? Personal messages take secondary priority.' Kaidan was staring at the screen and James desperately wanted to know what he saw.

'Yes. A lot of this is personal mail, the crew keeping in touch with their family if they can. But one crew member's pattern has changed.'

The darkness in James' heart cracked and a solitary beam of light shone through. 'Changed how?'

'He's been sending messages almost daily,' she met their eyes and her lips lifted as she noticed their confusion. 'He has no family to send messages to. They died in the first days of the attack on Earth.'

'And we're only just noticing this now because … .'

'We didn't know to look. We do now though and I had Traynor route all incoming and outgoing messages through my console so she can concentrate on extracting the missing data. I have Glyph checking for anomalies and he found this.'

'So who are we looking for?' Kaidan brought them back onto topic.

'Corporal Samuels,' Liara brought up an image of a young, dark haired male. 'He came on board with the additional crew during our first stop at the Citadel, after Mars. He's a tech, specialises in communications.'

'Well that's convenient,' Garrus scoffed.

James brought up the Corporal's file and frowned at the contents. 'His file is clean, he's a model soldier. Top marks and noted for fast tracking on his training.'

'He was, before the Reapers attacked. Apparently he's angry that the Normandy didn't return to Earth. He has been heard badmouthing Shepard for wasting time pandering to aliens.' Liara glared at the screen as if she could meld with his image and learn his secrets.

'We didn't return and his family died,' Garrus was nodding, 'he probably blames Shepard for that.'

'How the fuck have we missed this?' James scowled as he looked at the young marine on his screen.

'I think we had bigger problems to worry about, and I haven't seen him standing on a table shouting about it, have you?' Garrus blew out a breath, his shoulders slumping as he sat forward.

'I managed to retrieve footage from the Citadel and track his movements,' Liara sent a file to their tools and they studied it as she spoke. 'He left the Normandy when we docked after the Citadel coup, he was assigned to help at the refugee camp but he never arrived. He appears on several camera feeds down on Zakera ward where he meets a man I haven't been able to identify yet. I did recognise this man however,' she brought up an image of someone standing in the shadows.

'Fuck!' James dropped back against the sofa and buried his hands in his hair.

'You know this guy?' Kaidan looked up in surprise.

'Kai Leng,' Garrus nodded, 'he was the one who stabbed Thane, tried to kill the Salarian Councillor and Shepard stopped him from getting to the council.'

'He is the Illusive Man's top operative.' Liara added. 'From what I've been able to discover, if the Lazarus project had failed he was to be given the Normandy and the Collector mission. I doubt he would have destroyed the Collector base.'

'So Shepard lived and beat his ass,' James sat up. 'Pendejo can't be happy about that.'

'I doubt the Illusive Man would order him to sneak someone aboard the Normandy.' Garrus sat back, his mandibles tight against his face.

'He also has a history with Admiral Anderson,' Liara continued. 'This seems more personal. Plus he hates the Alliance after they accused him of murder and kicked him out of the N7s with a dishonourable discharge.'

'It's him.' Everyone turned to look at James. 'He's aboard the Normandy. Liara said it, this is personal to him. The bastard wants to get to Shepard so he sneaks aboard her ship. Even if he doesn't do anything he can gloat about getting on board.'

'What,' Kaidan's eyes were wide, 'you think he wants to paint - Kai Leng was here - all over the walls.'

'The psychological impact would be frightening,' Liara brought up more of his file. 'He's a trained infiltrator and assassin, he would know how to hide. He's also a brutal man, not afraid to torture and kill.'

'So how do we find him?' The information was interesting but James was frustrated they weren't coming up with a plan.

'There's a chance he might panic,' Garrus suggested and everyone looked at him. 'He has to get off the ship somehow and now that we're not heading to the Citadel he can't do that.'

'Yeah, but he could just stay hidden until we do dock somewhere.' James buried his face in his hands and scrubbed away exhaustion. 'We need to fix this so we can get to the Citadel and get Shepard's eyes fixed. This Miranda can't stay there forever with Cerberus on her tail.'

'If he's as good as you all think he is then he will already know something's going on.' Kaidan looked at them in turn, 'Garrus could be right, it might make him do something stupid and maybe we can work with that.'

'So we draw him out?' James could almost see the wheels turning in Kaidan's head. 'Make him come to us.'

The narrowing of Kaidan's eyes told Jamesall that he needed to know, that whatever he had in mind was risky. By the time he'd outlined his idea James knew risky didn't even come close. But they were out of options.

* * *

James inconspicuously let himself into the medbay, pausing in the open doorway as he looked at the woman he loved. His heart pounded in his ears and his palms were sweaty as he crossed to Shepard's bed. She was asleep and he hated the idea of waking her but he knew she would want to know what was going on.

'How is she doc,' he flicked a glance at Chakwas who moved beside him.

'Doing very well, actually. The pain has subsided, her vitals are settling and I managed to get her to stay in bed and eat. There is no change to her vision unfortunately, whatever they did to her implants seems to be irreversible.'

'You do know I'm only blind and not deaf.' To anyone else her flippancy would have seemed real, he saw right through it to the vulnerability underneath.

'Hey, Lola,' James took her hand in his, 'I thought you were asleep.'

'The sound of your voice wakes me every time, it's hot.' She might not be able to see him but James knew she'd be aware of the colour rushing to his face. 'Maybe we should send the doctor away for a bit.'

'Shepard!' Chakwas feigned shock before laughing and patting Shepard's leg.

'What, I can feel my way,' she lifted her hand and ran it down James' chest.

'Lola,' he grinned and grabbed her hand as it headed for his belt. 'You're making it hard for me.'

'That is my intention,' she laughed as Chakwas and James groaned. 'Okay, if you're not here to take advantage I guess you'd better fill me in. I'm assuming you have a plan.'

'Yeah,' he perched on the bed and held her hands in his as he proceeded to explain.

By the time he'd finished any joy had vanished from her face. In its place was fear. He hated seeing that in her and it made him more determined not to fail. He gently cupped her face, kissing her lightly as his fingers put an earpiece in her ear, making sure to run his fingers through her hair so it remained covered as he pulled his hands away.

'Are you okay with this?' He spoke softly and she nodded slightly, but he didn't miss the shake in her hands. 'Well I'm not and I really wish we could find another way.'

'James, it's fine, this is what we do. I trust you, all of you.' She brushed the side of his face and he turned into her touch.

He pulled back with a sigh, her brown eyes searched for his and he promised himself that he would be looking into them soon and she would be looking back, seeing him. There was no room for failure because he couldn't lose her, ever. He slipped his hand under his shirt and removed the knife tucked into his belt, sliding it under the blankets and placing her hand on it. She knew how to use a blade and he had no doubt that even blind she could still do damage.

'I guess I'd better go run the ship,' he stepped back and felt a hand on his shoulder.

'The Captain should be resting,' the doctor met his eyes and nodded.

'You'd better take care of my ship, James. I'll kick your ass if you don't.'

'I might like that,' he scoffed a laugh and with a final touch of her hand walked to the door, stopping in the open doorway and turning for a final look. 'I'll come back with dinner, Lola. You'd better behave or doc will knock you out.'

'I have to behave, you're not here,' she grinned but he saw the tension in her jaw.

With every step he took away from the medbay his heart became a solid rock in his chest, every breath was painful and he wanted to turn and run back. He stepped into the elevator to find Garrus waiting for him.

'Scars, everything okay?' James asked as the doors closed and the elevator descended.

'Yes. Kaidan is shut in starboard obs with a migraine.'

'Alright then,' James activated his earpiece. 'Let's do this.' The elevator doors opened onto the shuttle deck and they stepped out. 'Hey Esteban,' James called to the pilot. 'I hear you need some help to move things around.'

'Or maybe I just like watching you move, Mr Vega.'

'Yeah, yeah, you know you can't resist this hot body.' James was laughing but his guts were churning as they moved towards a stack of crates. 'Where do you want this stuff?'

As they picked up the third and heaviest crate James stumbled, dropping the crate towards Steve who fell backwards.

'Shit!' The pilot cried out as the crate crushed his leg.

James was quickly beside him and activated the coms. 'Dr Chakwas we have a medical emergency in the cargo bay.' He helped Garrus lift the crate off Steve's leg and he could see the worry in the turian's eyes that had nothing to do with Steve.

'I'm on my way.'


	61. Chapter 61

**** 61 ****

'Vega, can you come to the bridge,' Joker's voice was soft in his ear but his tone made James' skin crawl.

'On my way,' he glanced at Dr Chakwas, who waved him away, before heading for the elevator. 'EDI, anything?' He knew it was a risk to ask her but he needed to know.

'Not at this time.'

His brow furrowed as the doors closed and the elevator rose. There was nothing, or now wasn't a good time to ask. Rather than push his luck he bounced on his toes as he waited for the doors to open. Traynor looked up as he entered the CIC and from her narrowed eyes he guessed something was wrong.

'Traynor,' he paused by her station, 'everything all right?'

'I'm not sure,' she fiddled with a few controls and let out a long sigh. 'I thought there was something … . There it is again.' Her hands flew across the console and James moved closer. 'It's a signal but it keeps disappearing before I can get a fix.'

'Might have something to do with why Joker wanted me to come up,' he stepped away to continue towards the bridge. 'I'm sure you'll figure it out.'

'Uh-huh,' she was already engrossed in her work so James left her to it.

He was on the steps to the bridge when he realised Samuels' seat was empty. He knew the corporal was on duty and should be working at his console because he'd put him on the roster. They needed to know where he was going to be, so James had him checking com units under the guise of fault finding. He was too good at his job to be fooled so Kaidan had made sure some units weren't working.

'Samuels is missing,' he spoke softly into his com as the bridge door slid aside.

Westmoreland nodded at him from the navigator's chair as he passed her by. Joker seemed oblivious to his presence, focussed on something on his screens.

'You wanted to see me.'

'Fuck, Vega,' Joker jumped and James couldn't hide his chuckle. 'Way to break my bones,' he griped but quickly went back to his screens. 'We've got company.'

'Tell me,' James leant forward but the scanner screen was clear. 'I don't see anything.'

'That's because they're sitting right underneath us.'

'What? How is that possible?'

'I'm guessing a cloaked ship,' Joker tweaked a few controls, 'I only know they're there because they keep touching our shield.' He sat back and looked up at him, 'thing is they don't realise they're doing it. Our shields were enhanced for the Collector mission and they're super sensitive.'

'Why are our shields up?' James couldn't stop the tightening in his guts. 'And why didn't we see them coming, I thought the scanners on this thing were top of the line.'

'I put them up when you ordered me to find a hole. Our scanners are the best but even they wouldn't see a cloaked ship.' Joker waved his hand in the air, 'cloaking is different to stealth tech, we're still visible, it's only our heat that's not. With a cloak they're invisible.'

'I know the difference,' James scowled at him. 'I didn't know Cerberus had cloaked ships.'

'Makes two of us, could be a prototype,' Joker played with the controls again, frustration getting the better of him as he dropped his head back against his headrest. 'That's going to make them harder to find.'

'What are they doing?'

'Just sitting there … .'

'Damn it. That's his way off.' James paced the small area, aware that Joker was gaping at him as he spoke into his com. 'He has a way off.' He turned back to Joker, 'how many exits are there other than the airlock and cargo bay?'

'There are two maintenance hatches aft and one forward.'

'Which one is closest to that ship?'

'Aft, lower deck beneath engineering.' Joker brought up the camera feed from engineering but it didn't show what they needed to see.

The camera went dark and James cursed, 'he's in engineering.'

'I will rid us of this problem,' Javik growled in his ear and James had no doubt he was cursing primitives.

'Shepard!' Kaidan yelled what seemed like seconds later and James could hear scuffling. 'Overload, now.'

James was already running, half expecting to have to climb through maintenance shafts because EDI had lost control of the elevator. He was more than happy to find it waiting for him. The doors had no sooner closed than the floor dropped away and his stomach ended up in his throat. Just as quickly it stopped and he struggled to regain his balance as the doors opened onto the crew deck. He had no idea the lift could move that fast.

'Shit, EDI, what was that?'

'I bypassed safety protocols.' If he didn't know better he would say she was shrugging at him as he used the wall for support.

Kaidan held himself up against the door frame of medbay, his arm wrapped around his abdomen and his chest heaving as James dashed towards him, his hands clammy as he grabbed the biotic's arm. He waved him away and James rushed inside, stopping dead as his eyes fell on Shepard. She instantly reminded him of a big cat, her body tightly wound as she crouched up against the bedhead, a white knuckle grip on the knife in her hand and ready to jump. Then he noticed the blood on the knife.

'Andy, it's me,' he walked forward but it took her a moment to relax.

He reached the bed and she turned her head towards him, her eyes wide and moist as he carefully took the knife from her curled fingers. It released everything she'd been holding in and she jumped into his arms, clinging to him, digging her fingers into his shoulders. She was shaking as he pulled her close, wrapping her securely in his embrace. He held her tight, supporting her the only way he could, by not letting her know just how terrified he was.

'You're okay,' he pulled back and checked her over, his hands shaking as he ran them down her back.

'Yes,' she nodded, not letting go of his neck and curling into his chest. 'If it hadn't been for Kaidan … .'

'What happened?' James looked at Kaidan who was using the end of the bed for support.

'He came in through the AI core,' he indicated the doors with his head, 'after Chakwas had left. I wouldn't have known he was there except for the door opening.' He glanced at Shepard before continuing, 'I couldn't find him until he reached out to touch her.' He paused as Shepard sucked in a breath.

'I felt him, I knew he was there,' she shivered and James rubbed her back as she pushed harder against him, partly to offer support but mainly to convince himself that she was okay.

'We both overloaded his shields and I managed to get the syringe into his neck, don't know how much of the sedative he got. Think we surprised him with me being cloaked, I'm glad Liara had specs for that.' Kaidan winced as he straightened up, 'threw me across the room like I was nothing though. He's strong and fast.'

'I stabbed at him,' Shepard was calming down and the strength James knew she possessed was forcing its way forward. 'Don't know if I got him.'

'You did,' James glanced at the knife on the desk. 'There's blood on the knife so he's injured. That was a pretty strong sedative Chakwas made up so even just a bit should slow him down.' He watched as Kaidan lay down on a bed, 'Are you okay, Alenko?'

'Yeah, just bruising I think.'

'I'll be the judge of that,' Chakwas hurried into the room and headed straight for his bed.

Garrus helped Steve to one of the other beds before moving towards James and leaning towards him, 'Javik has something you should see.'

'He's still on the ship,' James helped Shepard settle back onto the bed, cupping her face and kissing her lightly, relieved to see she'd calmed down. 'We need to find him. You'll be safe here.'

'I know,' she nodded and covered his hand with hers. 'Go. Toss that bastard out into space for me.'

James followed Garrus out, 'what is it?'

'Samuels is dead. His throat was cut.'

'Shit.' James stepped into the elevator behind Garrus. 'Where?'

'Engineering, he took out the camera down there. Javik found him.'

'Joker,' James called the pilot, 'is that ship still there?'

'Yep, still there.'

'Is there anything we can do to get rid of it?'

'I can bounce them around a little,' the pilot was grinning, James just knew it, he lived for these moments.

'Do it, we need to move them away. EDI, are you with us?'

'Yes, I have erected new firewalls which I believe will offer better security. I am running constant sweeps of the ship and I have detected signs of blood in Life Support, ending at the maintenance shaft.' She paused as if thinking about something, 'I believe I can now use my cyber warfare suites to access the ship beneath us.'

'Okay, keep me posted.' James' nose wrinkled as he descended the stairs to the bottom of the ship, the unmistakable, coppery smell of blood invaded his senses.

Javik stood up from his examination of Samuels. 'He died quickly but he did not expect it, his surprise lingers.'

'So, Leng is panicking,' Garrus glanced around the area. 'The maintenance shaft down here leads to the AI core, I'm guessing he wanted to keep Samuels quiet.'

'But where is he?' James glanced at Samuels cooling corpse but felt no pity, he was a traitor, to Shepard, to the Normandy, to humanity. He hurt the love of James' life and he deserved everything he got. 'We need to do something with his body.'

'I'll take care of it,' Garrus must have sensed his lack of compassion as he motioned to the stairs. 'You have more important things to do.'

'I will accompany you,' Javik stepped up beside him as he turned to leave. 'I sense this intruder will not surrender without a fight.'

James nodded as they climbed the stairs, the floor shifting beneath their feet as the Normandy dropped slightly. He was strong, more than capable, but having assistance could only be a benefit, especially one with Javik's experience.

'The Commander is a formidable warrior,' Javik commented as they stepped into the corridor and waited for the elevator.

'Yes she is.'

'You are well matched.'

James gaped at the prothean who kept his eyes on the elevator doors. 'Thanks, I think.'

'She needs someone strong to assist her in this mission, to destroy the Reapers. In my cycle we did not spend time on personal feelings, we fought for the good of the whole, not the individual. We were wrong. The attachments you primitives form give you strength to fight. It will not be an easy battle,' four eyes turned to James and he forced himself not to squirm under their scrutiny. 'It may be her last.'

It was something James didn't want to face, as much as he knew it could be true, he wasn't ready to let her die. 'She will win and survive.'

'I hope you are right.'

The ship bounced as the elevator doors opened.

'Joker, what's going on?' James pushed the button for the crew deck.

'Just having a little fun,' the pilot chuckled. 'The idiots keep coming back even though every time I push the Normandy at them I'm depleting their shields. Either they're stupid or scared.'

'Commander Vega,' Traynor broke into their conversation, 'I've hacked their communications.'

'I have access to the ship and have taken control of their flight and navigation systems. Do you have a specific direction you wish them to go?' EDI was almost laughing and James' eyes widened at the emotion in her voice.

'Towards the nearest sun would be good,' he suggested, proud and blown away at the skills of Shepard's crew, his crew. 'Just away from here, EDI, so Leng can't get to them.'

'Very well.'

'Traynor, can you patch me in?' He jumped as voices sounded in his ear.

' _We can't help you right now, that damned AI has taken control of our ship.'_

' _Fix it,'_

Leng's disgruntled voice had James smiling.

' _We're trying. If you want off that ship you'll have to find another way.'_

' _I have one more thing to do, you'd better make sure you pick me up.'_

What the hell was he planning?

'EDI, where is he?' James was losing patience, needing to get this over with, to get things back under control.

'I believe he is in the forward battery, I am picking up an irregular heat signature.'

'Garrus, where are you?' James rushed around the corner into the mess, just in time to see the doors to the forward battery open and close.

'Cargo bay, on my way up now.'

'Move!' The command in his voice made the crew members in the mess jump to their feet and run for safety. 'Joker, intruder alert, now.'

Lights flashed, doors sealed as an alarm sounded and Joker's voice carried through the ship. There was no point trying to pretend any longer and he needed the crew out of the way.

The medbay door opened and Kaidan tossed him a pistol before sliding along the wall so he could see the sleeper pods. Though they couldn't see Leng Javik dashed forward, a blast from nowhere sending him sprawling backwards and he lay stunned on the floor. James ran, ducking behind the mess counter as a second blast blew a hole in the table behind him.

He darted forward, slipping in alongside the first sleeper pod as Leng's cloak shimmered and for a moment he was visible. Kaidan sent out a cryo blast to follow his overload but Leng rolled out of reach. Once again his cloak fizzled and James flicked a glance behind to see Garrus crouching behind the pillar. James ducked and ran forward to the next sleeper pod, firing at where Leng had been. Kaidan and Garrus followed him as another blast sent chairs flying.

The reflection of movement in the polished skin of the last sleeper pod caught James' eye. It wasn't clear if it was Leng but it gave him an idea of where to aim and he opened fire, a grunt letting him know he'd hit his target even though the bullet didn't penetrate his shields. As he peered around the edge of his cover he realised what Leng was doing. The movement he'd seen was the hatch opening.

'He's getting into an escape pod.' He rushed down the walkway but was too late as the door slid shut and the release light flicked on. 'Joker, take him out.'

There was a muffled explosion from the forward battery and Garrus raced past him. They reached the doorway at the same time with Kaidan on their heels.

'The guns aren't responding,' Joker's growl was loud in his ears.

'Fuck!' James punched the wall. He ignored the pain as his knuckles protested, following Garrus into the battery, a cloud of smoke and the acrid odour of smouldering wire burning his nasal passages. 'Damn that's a mess.'

'It could have been a lot worse,' Garrus reached for the fire extinguisher. 'This was meant to disable, not destroy.'

'So he's played us,' Kaidan sat on Garrus's cot and James could see he was still in pain.

'Are you okay, maybe you should be back in medbay.'

'Cracked rib, doc says it's not too bad but will take a few days to heal.' He slowly got up and moved to the doorway, 'but lying down sounds good. I'll be in starboard obs if you need me.' The door closed behind him and James turned back to Garrus.

'How bad is it?'

'It's easily fixed but we won't have guns until it is.'

'Okay,' James nodded and placed his hand on the turian's shoulder. 'Guess you've got something to keep you busy then. I know you love working on these babies.'

'Hmmm,' Garrus narrowed his eyes at him. 'Don't you have a ship to run?'

'I'm going.' He smirked and headed out into the mess where Javik was leaning against the kitchen counter, waving James away as he approached. 'Joker, can we pick Leng up?'

'Nope, his ship picked him up once EDI let go control.'

'They are close enough for me to reacquire control if you wish,' the AI spoke over his head.

'No, let them go, he's not worth it.  Stand down from alert and we need a full visual ship sweep, just in case he left anything else behind.' James stepped into the medbay, took a seat beside Shepard's bed and gently picked up her hand. 'Get us to the Citadel, Joker. I want a full report on how he got onto the ship and compromised EDI. I'm in medbay if you need me.'

'He got away.' There was no disappointment in her voice and no blame or criticism in her words but guilt and failure attacked with all guns blazing.

'Yeah,' James dropped his eyes to the bed. 'I'm sorry Shepard, I … .'

'No,' she sat up and lifted his hand onto her lap, her eyes looking towards him and he so desperately wanted them to look at him. 'Don't you do that. You did your best, everyone did. He's a slippery, arrogant bastard and we'll get him next time.' She lifted his fingers to her lips, 'I'm proud of you.'

'Thanks Lola,' he forced down the nausea and weakness at his own failings, 'but you're right everyone did their best. I'm just frustrated we didn't notice sooner that he was on board, that he was after you.' He hadn't protected her, Leng had outsmarted him and Shepard had been in danger because of it.

'It wasn't your fault, no-one picked it up and we need to look into that. It's a pity we couldn't help Samuels though. If we'd known … .'

'It probably wouldn't have made any difference,' he stood up and urged her to scoot over on the bed so he could slide in alongside her. 'It is what it is and it's over now.' He wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair, the scent of berries driving out the last of his guilt and frustration.

'Stay with me,' she curled up against him, sliding her leg over his.

'I'm not going anywhere, Lola.' He rested his head on hers and before long she was breathing softly, completely relaxed in his embrace.

Sleep evaded him though as he replayed events in his head. He had to be faster, think smarter and be more observant. If he wanted to protect her and be worthy of being an N recruit he needed to up his game.

'You did good, Mr Vega,' Steve spoke from across the room.

'Maybe,' he closed his eyes, 'but I need to do better. Thanks for taking one for the team.' Steve grunted a response but James was already drifting into sleep, the warmth of the woman in his arms the best sleeping pill he would ever have.


	62. Chapter 62

**** 62 ****

James stared out the window, his elbows on his knees, his fingers locked together and his shoulders hunched. The small, surgical unit where they'd brought Shepard might be out of the way but he could still see the Presidium from the waiting room. If he hadn't seen it first hand he would never have believed there had been an attack on the Citadel. Everything went on as normal.

Chakwas had chased him away, telling him it would be a few hours of surgery, so he'd left to make sure the Normandy was ready for Shepard when she returned. Which included ordering a new mattress for their bed among other things. He'd become more and more frustrated as he walked the Citadel. Nothing had changed. People were still burying their heads in the sand and trying to ignore everything going on around them. Eventually he couldn't stand it any longer and had returned to wait for Shepard.

He sat back, releasing a loud sigh as he stretched his legs and slipped his hand into his pocket. His fingers closed around a small black box and he lovingly pulled it out. Opening it caused both pleasure and pain. He'd held onto the object inside since his mother died, never having a reason for keeping it but knowing he needed too. Now he understood why.

It might be a simple thing, two, solid titanium, interlocked hearts, but it represented the love his father had once had for him and his mother. A gift for her on the day he was born, his name, their first child, engraved beneath a small diamond. His father had planned more children so he'd left room underneath for their names, but it never happened. His mother loved it, kept it close to her heart. It became her most precious possession. Finding it among a pile of jewellery his father planned to sell for red sand had broken his heart, before driving him to anger, and he'd taken it without his father knowing.

Thanks to a salarian jeweller it had become even more special. Now it held his name and Shepard's beneath the original diamond with a second stone below the words. He'd wanted to give her a ring but figured it would only get in the way, he would buy her one when the war was over. This she could wear round her neck or hang on her dog tags, keep it with her always. He knew his mother would approve, she would love his Lola, and tears built with the thought that he was bringing his two favourite women together with this piece. And who knew, perhaps in the future their kids names could be engraved on the back.

'James?'

He lifted his head to see Chakwas looking down at him, her gaze moving to the open box in his hand.

'Doc,' he stood up and she took his hand before he could close the box and put it back in his pocket.

'That's beautiful.' She tilted it so she could read it clearly. 'A special occasion?' She looked at him and he didn't miss the glint of moisture in her eyes.

'Yeah,' he hesitated but didn't think Shepard would mind. 'A kind of engagement ring. It belonged to my mother and … .'

She surprised him by hugging him, being careful not to knock the box out of his hand. 'That's the most wonderful news I've heard in a long time.' She pulled back and wiped her face. 'She deserves to be happy and you make her very happy.'

'Thanks,' he blinked, hard, trying to clear his blurred vision. 'You think she'll like it?'

'I think she'll love it.'

'We haven't told anyone yet, we were going to but missions, and then her eyes … .' He closed the box and slipped it back into his pocket. 'How is she, doc.'

'Good, very good actually. The surgery went well and thanks to Miranda we've been able to replace her implants.'

'How? I thought they were only going to fix them.'

'She took a great risk and, through contacts on Minuteman Station, managed to retrieve the original cloned tissue they'd prepared.'

'That was gutsy.'

'Yes it was, luckily it worked. Thankfully Shepard will have her own eyes back so no more being taken over by Cerberus.'

'Damn, Doc, that's great news. How long till she's awake?'

'A while yet, I've kept her sedated for now, give her eyes a chance to heal without her wanting to use them. However, with the way her cybernetics work, I don't think I'll be able to keep her down for long. We're moving her back to the Normandy in the next few minutes. I thought you might like to be there.'

'Hell yeah,' he followed Chakwas as she led him through the doors to the surgical suite. 'Is Miranda coming back with us?' He had a lot to thank her for and he'd never met the woman.

'No, she's already left, she didn't want to bring any more Cerberus troops down on Shepard and she has her own mission to finish.'

He stepped into the post-op room where staff prepared Shepard for transport. She looked so vulnerable and he swallowed hard at the thought of how well she kept that hidden. She would hate knowing that people had seen her like this. Bandages covered her eyes but he knew it wouldn't be long before she'd be begging the doctor to remove them.

'All right, let's do this,' Chakwas took charge and James couldn't help thinking that she would have made a great drill sergeant.

They walked through a back door and ended up on a small shuttle dock obviously meant for emergencies. Cortez waited with one of the Normandy's shuttles and James knew Shepard couldn't be in better hands. It didn't take long before Chakwas had her back in the Normandy's medbay. Once again she chased him out so he headed for the bridge.

'Hey, Joker,' he stopped behind the pilot's chair. 'Is the ship clean?'

'Yeah, we think so,' he spun to face him. 'Tali, Donnelly and Daniels have climbed through every crawlspace and where they couldn't fit Liara sent Glyph, although if they couldn't fit Leng probably couldn't either.'

'He's a slippery bastard,' James blew out a sigh, 'we should have taken him down.'

'Bit hard with the guns offline,' Joker looked at him through narrowed eyes. 'You know you couldn't have done anything else, right.'

'Yeah, but it sucks that we missed our chance.' He grinned at the pilot, 'you could have taken him down with the Normandy.'

'Use my baby as a battering ram,' he scoffed, 'only as a last resort.'

'It would not have been efficient to use the ship in that manner,' EDI spoke from the ceiling.

'Just kidding, EDI,' James held up his hands in surrender.

'I have completed all diagnostics on my systems,' she walked in the door and both men turned towards her. 'I have found the code and routine Kai Leng used to access the core. It is now sealed. If the Illusive Man tries to access it he will be surprised.'

'So he had a way into … you,' Joker waved his hand at her.

'Yes. If it had not been used I would still be unaware of its existence. It was that well hidden.'

'So Leng did us a favour,' James suggested.

'Yes,' EDI moved past him and slid into her chair. 'I have previously discovered other questionable sub routines but this one I found disguised in one of my rarely used functions.

'Good job, EDI,' James turned to leave. 'Joker, make sure the crew knows to be back in three hours, Shepard should be awake by then.'

James made his way to their quarters, expecting to have some tidying up to do. Walking in to find the cabin clean made him stop at the top of the stairs, the place looked like nothing had ever happened. A knock had him spinning on his heel as the door opened.

'Liara,' his eyebrows lifted as the asari entered.

'I took the liberty of having Traynor help me clean up when the new mattress arrived, I hope that was alright.'

'Yes, and thank you,' he said with a nod.

'I think it's the least I could do to make up for my behaviour towards you.' She glanced at the bed. 'Shepard doesn't know what happened here, does she?'

'No,' he shook his head, letting out a sigh as he stared at the bed. 'I don't know if I should tell her.'

'She will notice the new mattress.'

'Yeah, I guess I'll play it by ear.' He chuckled as she looked at him strangely, 'see what happens.' She gave a soft laugh and he turned towards her. 'She told me what you did, that you gave her body to Cerberus.'

She lost all traces of humour as her face creased in pain and he could see the tension in her jaw. 'I couldn't let her go.'

'You loved her,' he shrugged and her eyes popped open. 'I can't say I wouldn't have done the same … if, you know, I'd had the chance. I don't know if I could let her go.'

'I was naive,' her fingers locked and unlocked. She might be the almighty Shadow Broker but James could see the woman and the pain she harboured. 'She made it quite clear she wasn't interested in a relationship with me before she died, I guess I hoped she might change her mind, especially after Horizon.'

'The heart knows what it wants.'

'And hers obviously want you.' The smile she gave him anything but happy.

'Dios knows why.'

'Of course it has nothing to do with your prime physical shape, or the way you look after her, or the way you put yourself in harms way for her. And then there is that soft heart under that bulk.'

'Are you flirting with me doc?' James snorted a laugh as she stared at him in mock horror.

'I wouldn't dare!'

James checked his omnitool when it beeped. 'She's waking up.' He headed for the door with Liara following. 'You know, for while there I was a bit worried you might have taken me out of the picture, with your Shadow Brokery stuff and the secrets you seem to find.'

'Keep that in mind,' she flicked a glance his way, 'if you ever hurt her I will.'

'O … kay,' he didn't quite know whether to take her seriously or not, and she didn't elaborate.

They parted on the crew deck and James couldn't hide his excitement as he rushed into the medbay. Chakwas looked up from Shepard's bed and he came to a sudden stop.

'James,' she shook her head and chuckled.

'Sorry, doc,' he gave her a sheepish grin as he moved closer. 'How is she?'

'She's fine,' Shepard answered, her voice might be hoarse but it was music to his ears.

'Lola,' he took her hand gently as she shifted in the bed. He leant down and kissed her forehead softly. 'About time you woke up and stopped shirking your duties.'

'What, you can't handle command?' She reached up and touched the bandages on her face. 'When can I get these off, seems I'm missed.'

'Of course you're missed,' Chakwas pulled her hand down. 'How could we not miss your stubbornness, your brashness and your charming personality? Shepard,' she stopped her from raising her hand again. 'They will come off soon, give yourself some time to wake up.'

'She's desperate to see my handsome face doc, how can you expect her to wait.' He sat on the bed as Chakwas snorted a laugh. 'What, you don't think I'm handsome?'

'And I have some data to check,' Chakwas walked away muttering something about marines and their egos.

'How're you feeling?' He sandwiched her hand between his, loving the feel of her skin against his. It felt like forever since they'd touched.

'Okay, bit of a headache but getting there.' She tried to sit up but groaned and dropped back onto the pillows. 'Ow, that hurt.'

'Lola, you have to be one of the most impatient people I know,' James reached over and lifted the bed so she was a little more upright.

'Says the pot to the kettle,' she squeezed his fingers as he wound his fingers through hers. 'So, doctor, you want to tell me what you did?'

'I didn't do anything, Shepard,' Chakwas came back to Shepard's bedside. 'I simply watched in amazement.' She laughed at Shepard's groan. 'You can thank Miranda for most of it. She had always planned to replace your eyes, the implants were a temporary measure. At great personal risk she retrieved the cloned eyes, nerves and tissue from Minuteman Station.'

'Guess that's one more thing I owe her for.'

'Salarian surgeons did the work,' Chakwas ignored her interruption. 'They were very pleased with themselves I have to say. They assure me you will have full sight once your eyes heal, apparently it will be quick, with the added help of medigel and surgical nanites.' She didn't give Shepard time to question that decision, 'which will deactivate and dissolve once they are done.'

Shepard's hand had gripped his at the mention of nanites but only slightly released with Chakwas' explanation.

'So when can I take these off?' Shepard pointed to her face.

'We can remove them now you're awake but things might not be immediately clear.' Chakwas dimmed the lights and reached for the fastenings, 'you need to be a little patient.'

'Yeah I get it.'

Once again her hand tightened around his and James could feel the tremble in her fingers. He stroked his thumb across the back of her hand, as eager and nervous as her to have her eyes unwrapped. When her eyes were uncovered Chakwas stepped back.

'Slowly Shepard, open your eyes.'

She sat still, not attempting to open her eyes. James held his breath, his heart pounded in his ears as fear ate at him. Something was wrong. She carefully lifted her eyelids. He sucked in air as she blinked, the brown eyes he loved so much were clear and his eyes watered. He followed her eyes as she looked around the room, not focussing on anything and fear bit down again. Another few blinks and another look around the room before her gaze fell on him. The smile she gave him drove away his fear, a tear rolled down his cheek as her eyes focussed and she really saw him.

'Hello handsome.'

'Bella.' He managed to hold back a sob.

Then she was in his arms, her face buried in his neck, the damp of her tears wetting his collar. A series of moments, tiny pieces of joy that he would never forget were filling his life, just like this one. He crushed her into his chest as she dug her fingers into his back. Pulling away he cupped her face and stared into the eyes he'd waited so long to see looking back.

'I missed you,' she whispered and he claimed her lips, oblivious to Chakwas who stood aside with her own tears rolling down her face. 'God, I've missed that,' she said between gasps as they parted.

'I hate to interrupt but I need to run some checks,' Chakwas stepped forward, wiping her eyes as she placed her hand on Shepard's arm. 'It's good to have you back, Commander. Now,' she looked at James, 'you need to leave so Shepard is not distracted.'

'I'm going,' James held up his hands, ducked forward and placed a quick kiss on Shepard's cheek before heading for the door.

While he hated to leave he had an idea and now he could organise it without spoiling the surprise. With a grin he opened up his omnitool. It wasn't long before he was allowed back into medbay where he watched Shepard get out of bed and walk towards him. Her pronounced saunter and the way she looked him up and down had him gulping. God he'd missed feeling her eyes on him. She came to a stop, close enough to rest her hands on his chest. Fire raged through him, every part of him flared to life and his heart raced as she leant up and brushed her cheek against his.

'I'm allowed to leave and I need a shower,' she caressed his face with her lips making him suck in a breath. 'Want to help me?'

He was instantly aroused and groaned softly. 'Dios. Lola.'

He closed his eyes and absorbed her, the silkiness of her skin, the warmth of her breath on his neck, the lingering scent of berries that was purely her. He gripped her hips and pulled her closer, hearing the soft gasp as she felt his hardness against her. Words weren't enough to convey what he wanted so he swept her up in his arms and spun on his heel to the sound of her laughter.

As the elevator door closed she twisted so her legs were wrapped around him as her lips crashed into his. They stumbled out on the top level, already pulling at clothing, the flimsy medical outfit no match for his strong hands as she lifted his shirt. In a jumble of grasping hands and hungry lips they made it to the bathroom. The sound of her moans drove him to a hardness like nothing he'd ever felt before as he entered her wet warmth and proceeded to show her how much he'd missed her.


	63. Chapter 63

* * *

**** 63 ****

James followed Shepard from the Normandy. He'd wanted her to rest, recover completely from her surgery but she was determined to visit Bryson's lab before they left. Letting her go alone wasn't an option. She promised him she would obey Hackett's orders about their shore leave once they found Leviathan.

She stopped as they stepped onto the dock and James quickly moved up behind her, ready to catch her if she needed him. Before he could say anything she turned and moved to the rail, staring out at the Normandy.

'You okay, Lola?' He stepped up beside her.

She nodded, her lips pursed as she blinked away tears. 'I didn't think I'd ever see her again.' She took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped her face.

'I never doubted,' he wanted to put his arm around her, to give her the support she needed but they were in public.

'I know,' she glanced at him and her hand brushed his. 'And I love you for it.' She straightened her shoulders, 'we'd better get going.'

'Shepard.' They both turned as EDI stepped through the airlock. 'I believe it would be prudent for me to accompany you. You may need help sorting through the data.'

'Good idea,' Shepard turned to James, 'you don't have to come, I have EDI to look after me.'

'I'm coming, Lola,' he frowned at her, 'unless you don't want my company.'

'Always.'

'Good,' he said with a sweep of his arm, 'lead the way.'

Fifteen minutes later he felt like an idiot. He followed Shepard and EDI around the lab as they searched for leads and clues, amazed at how they pieced things together. He could see the logic in their ideas but it took him a little longer to link everything. He wasn't stupid but smart thinking had never been his strong point, he took mental notes, determined to do better and be worthy of his N invitation. Sensing his discomfort Shepard made sure to explain, pleased when he asked questions and he loved her all the more for it. They were searching for the ship that had carried Ann Bryson when Joker spoke in his ear.

'Vega, can you talk?'

'Just remembered I have to get Steve to do something,' he informed Shepard who looked at him strangely. 'I'll be outside.' He ignored the raised eyebrow as she watched him leave and knew he hadn't done a good job of fooling her. 'What is it Joker?'

'There's this small, Asian looking guy outside with several large crates, asking for permission to come aboard. Says you authorised it.'

'Let him in and show him to the mess.'

'Ooo ..kay,' Joker sounded sceptical. 'Something going on?'

'Yeah, and can you ask Steve to dig out those party supplies we never got to use.'

'We celebrating something?'

'Yep, we'll be back soon.' He closed down the com as Shepard and EDI walked towards him. 'All done?'

'Yes,' Shepard looked at him through narrowed eyes. 'Everything all right?'

'Couldn't be better, Lola,' he grinned as he opened the door to the aircar. 'So, do we have a lead?'

'We think so.'

'Okay then, back to the Normandy.' He slid into the driver's seat, grinning as she scowled at him before settling into the passenger seat.

'Something I should know?'

'Nope,' he kept his eyes forward, knowing she'd see right through him. 'Just glad to have you back.'

James took his time returning to the Normandy, not avoiding hold ups or taking short cuts. The longer it took the more Shepard fidgeted in her seat and he had to hold back a laugh as she cursed softly about his driving. Eventually though they settled on the dock. EDI jumped out and hurried on board which only made Shepard even more puzzled.

'We need to get underway asap,' she said as she stepped out of the car.

'The crew is due back in an hour, we'll get it done,' he followed her to the airlock. 'You haven't been cleared for active duty yet so there's no rush.'

'We've wasted too much time already.'

'Lola, a couple of hours aren't going to make that much difference. Give yourself some recovery time.'

'I'm fine,' she glanced around as they walked through the empty CIC. 'Where is everyone?'

'I gave them shore leave, didn't know how long you were going to be in surgery.'

'Okay,' she reached for the elevator controls but he beat her to it and pushed the crew deck button. 'James?'

'You should probably eat, you've been a little active in the last couple of hours.' He smirked as her cheeks flushed, knowing he wasn't talking about visiting Bryson's lab.

The elevator doors opened and she went to step off but she stopped and sniffed the air. James put on the most innocent face he could muster as she looked at him.

'Is that … .'

Rather than wait for an answer she hurried out and he had to rush to keep up. She stopped dead as she rounded the corner into the mess and he had to swerve to avoid running into her. It was all worth it to see her eyes light up and smile break out. Tables were laid out with a variety of noodles, drinks of various kinds, colourful decorations were spread around the mess and the crew and team were resplendent in their party hats.

'Welcome back, Shepard.'

The team and most of the crew spoke at once and raised glasses to their commander. For a moment James thought she was going to berate them for wasting time, instead she turned to him fighting back tears and with trembling lips.

'You did this?'

'Yeah,' he wasn't sure if she was happy or angry and he worried that he'd done the wrong thing. Maybe she didn't want the crew to recognise how vulnerable she'd been.

'Thank you.' She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug which he happily to accept.

'Shit, Lola, for a minute there I thought you were angry with me.'

'I should be,' she spoke softly so only he could hear, 'but I'm not. I love you.'

'I love you too,' he kissed her cheek and she stepped back.

'If you two have finished can we get to this food.' Joker broke the moment and they all laughed. 'What, it's making me hungry.'

'Hey, I'm not going to stand in the way of Charlie Su's noodles but you'd better save some for me.' Shepard pointed her finger at him.

James watched as she walked forward and welcomed the arms of her family, groaning as they placed a hat on her head but she wore it anyway. She gave Charlie a particularly long hug and he could see the emotions playing on her face. He'd made her happy so that made him happy.

'Nice job,' Garrus moved beside him and gave him a hat as Shepard led the line for food.

'She needed it.'

'I think we all do,' he placed his hand on James' shoulder. 'Not sure about the hats though. I believe Charlie has noodles Tali and I can eat so I'm going to try some. Where did you find him?'

'Got lucky, but make sure you ask him about Shepard's time in Rio, he has some great stories to tell.'

'Now those I'd like to hear.' Garrus' mandibles flared as he wandered off.

'James, get your ass over here,' Shepard waved him over with a laugh, 'before Joker eats everything.'

'Hey, your plate's bigger than mine,' the pilot scoffed.

James hurried over with a laugh, stopping alongside Charlie who was almost bouncing as the food quickly disappeared.

'Thanks, Charlie,' he shook the man's hand but he pulled him into a hug.

'No, thank you,' he blinked furiously as he looked at James. 'I get to see Shepard, see her happy and I get to say I've been on the Normandy.' He radiated happiness, 'you know my shop is always full since you brought her to my place.'

'Glad to help.' Emotion washed over him as he realised how lucky he had been to stumble into Charlie's shop.

'Now, go eat,' Charlie handed him a plate and he didn't hesitate to obey.

An hour or so later the majority of the crew had wandered away leaving only the ground team, Traynor, Chakwas, Steve, Adams, Donnelly and Daniels . Even Javik leant against the wall, listening in as Charlie regaled them with tales of Shepard. James stood against the counter and smiled as she buried her face in her hands. This was her family, his too and that made him catch his breath, his chest tightened and he found it hard to swallow.

He'd never felt like he belonged until now, he'd been part of marine units but nothing compared to the closeness he felt around these people. It made moments like these extra special because they might never get the chance to do this again. It struck him then that he and Shepard had a secret that these people, their family, had a right to know. He glanced at the mildly alcoholic punch Charlie had brought, after several drinks he felt a gentle buzz but his head was clear. Filling enough glasses he carried a tray over to the table and made sure everyone had one. He stepped back and cleared his throat.

'Guys, I have something to say.' His throat went dry as faces turned towards him but he'd gone too far to stop now. 'I'm not one for eloquent speeches, hell, I trip over my own tongue most of the time, but I wanted to do this now while you're all here. First I want to thank you all. I came onto the Normandy as a FNG but you all made me feel welcome, like I belonged.'

'Here, here,' Traynor agreed softly, Steve and Javik simply nodded.

'You've become family and that's saying something because most of my family sucks, this one rocks. You all treat me like I'm part of the team, like you've known me forever and you trust me to have your backs. That means more to me than you'll ever know. Coming onto the Normandy was my dream but the reality is so much better. Meeting Commander Shepard … , let's just say that's more of a fantasy,' he waited for the laughter to stop as Shepard blushed. 'She was my idol, I expected this big hero with a cold heart and a bad-ass attitude.

He moved to stand before her and his hands trembled as he slipped one into his pocket. 'What I got was a bad-ass woman with a heart of gold, so much more than I ever imagined she could be.' The room was absolutely silent as he looked down at her.

'And I still can't believe she loves me. She stole my heart,' he dropped to one knee and saw her suck in a breath. He heard others take deep breaths too but he only had eyes for her. 'It's hers forever and I've already asked her this but we need to make it official.' He pulled the small box from his pocket and opened it before her. 'It's not a ring but it symbolises everything I feel for you.' He took a deep breath, 'Andora Shepard, will you marry me?'

Her gaze dropped to the box in his hand and a tear rolled down her cheek. She raised her face to his and the intensity of her gaze, the passion, warmth and want he saw there floored him. He shook all over and holding himself up was a challenge as his legs threatened to give way. If she'd changed her mind he would look like a complete and utter fool and his stomach tightened as nerves took hold and held on painfully. It felt like forever but she finally made a sound. She choked on her words and quickly reached out for her drink, taking sip before trying again.

'Yes.'

James gasped for breath. He hadn't realised he'd stopped breathing and his chest ached as it drew in air. He dropped his other knee to the floor and placed his shaking hand on her thigh which she quickly covered with her own. She was shaking as much as him. Gathering his senses he lifted the chain holding the pendant and slipped it around her neck. She rested it gently on her fingers, running her index finger over their names and hearts twined together forever.

'It's beautiful.' She leant down and kissed him and that was all the encouragement he needed.

Cupping her face and pushing himself up he poured every bit of the love he felt into his response. He pulled her in close as their arms wrapped around each other, as they became oblivious to everything around them. The sudden cheering snapped them back into reality and they parted with sheepish grins as they turned towards their family.

As one they got to their feet, raised glasses and drank to their happiness. It didn't take long for the women to surround Shepard, their own tears marking their faces as they hugged her and scrambled for a look at the pendant. Even EDI seemed curious. James stepped back and cherished the happiness on her face, the joy in her eyes as she glanced at him between heads.

'You know what this means don't you,' Joker moved beside him, leaning on his shoulder and James looked at him. 'Bucks night!'

'I thought bucks were male deer, how do you have a night with them?' Garrus appeared on his other side.

'What? No, we have to celebrate his last night of freedom,' Joker explained.

'He means we go out and get drunk,' Steve clarified as he moved around and hugged James, slapping him on the back. 'Nice job, Mr Vega.'

'Thanks, Esteban,' the attention had him blushing.

'About time,' Kaidan patted his shoulder and shook his hand.

'You do realise you won't be the one wearing the pants now, don't you.' Donnelly shook his hand and James grinned.

'Who said anything about wearing pants.'

There was a collective groan as Javik moved before him.

'In my cycle we had no time for relationships and getting drunk,' he paused and glanced around. 'I think I am beginning to like this cycle.'

'Live and learn, Javik,' James laughed as Charlie pulled him into a tight bear hug.

'Hey,' Joker placed his hand on Charlie's shoulder, 'we should have Charlie cater the wedding. I could go more of those noodles.'

'I like that idea,' Shepard stepped up and Charlie hugged her too.

'I would be honoured,' he nodded his head so hard James thought he might break his neck.

'But we have a war to win first,' she slid into his arms and James realised that she was his now, publicly and privately. It had him flexing with pride and she chuckled.

'Way to spoil the mood, Shepard,' Joker scoffed.

'I think we have time for one more drink,' she softened the blow and everyone moved back to the table, leaving them alone for a moment.

'I love you,' she whispered as she kissed him, her hand running down his jaw before dropping to the pendant around her neck. 'This is beautiful, where did you get it.'

'It belonged to mi Madre,' he ran a finger over the joined hearts and she gaped at him. 'Mi Padre gave it to her on the day I was born, there were supposed to be more names on there but it never happened. It's the only thing I have left of hers. I had a salarian jeweller add your name and the second stone. You can wear this under your armour, close to your heart.'

'James, I can't … .'

'Yes you can,' he closed his hand around hers as she went to lift it off. 'Mi Madre would love you, Andy. She would be so proud and happy for you to have this. I want you to have it.'

She buried her face in his neck and he could feel dampness on his skin. He wrapped her in his arms, closing his eyes as emotion washed over them both. He would never have believed this could happen and he was still tempted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. The feel of her lips on his neck made him shiver with pleasure and she smiled as she pulled back.

'Does this mean I will have you mother looking over my shoulder, making sure I take good care of you.'

'Are you going to take good care of me, Lola,' he clasped his hands in the small of her back and she pushed her hips against him.

'I think I can manage that,' she dropped her hands to his backside and gave him a gentle squeeze.

'Jeez, you two, get a room.' Joker called from across the table.

'If only we had time,' she squeezed again and rubbed her hips against him.

'Lola, you're killing me here,' James groaned and she laughed as he nuzzled her neck. 'I can't think of a better way to go.'


	64. Chapter 64

**** 64 ****

'Mierda Lola, you know how to show a guy a good time.'

He crashed up against a blown out wall harder than he expected and grunted as air was forced from his lungs.

'Only the best for you, James.'

Shepard rolled as a cannibal rounded her cover, coming up firing as she darted for a pile of crates.

'Could have done without the worm-necks.' Garrus took out two husks with one shot from his perch above them.

'Not afraid of a few worm-necks are you scars?'

James lobbed a grenade at a ravager that only slowed it but Shepard followed with an incineration blast that put it down.

'Nah, thought I'd leave them for you, seeing as how you've had experience with them, maybe you could get one of them to let you fly it.'

James chuckled as he moved position. 'Jealous Scars?'

'Of you? No. Though I should be if Shepard wants you to have a good time and not me.' The ground shook as a harvester flew by, taking pot shots as it went. 'But they do pack a nasty punch.'

'Garrus, you know I love you too. Whatever is on this planet must be important,' Shepard moved forward through a lull in the fighting. 'There are lots of them after something.'

'Maybe Leviathan is here,' James followed her up a ladder then turned to cover Garrus as he moved.

'If it is, why isn't it fighting back?'

'You know there's a good chance we're wasting our time looking for this thing. This could be a wild bird chase.'

'Wild goose chase,' James corrected and Garrus scowled at him as he stepped onto the roof.

'Guess we'll find out when we get to Ann Bryson.' Shepard cursed as the lift stopped above them.

Wave after wave of enemy troops tried to block their progress. The boom of Garrus' sniper rifle, the hiss and whine of tech and the thunder of carnage created a symphony of perfect synchronicity. The pattern of their attacks created its own music, it flowed across the battlefield and they danced with it. Only the scream of a banshee broke the beat.

'Damn, I hate those things,' James was panting as he joined Shepard against a wall.

'It's only another thing that needs to die.' Tech bursts flew from her omnitool which she followed with rifle shots.

'Yeah, but they make my skin crawl.'

'Don't worry, I'll take care of your skin when we get back to the Normandy.'

She followed his carnage with an incinerate, her face flushed and alive with battle lust, the fire in her eyes arousing him like never before. His warrior in full flight and she was beautiful.

'Damn, Lola, I'm trying to concentrate here,' he laughed and Garrus muttered something the translator didn't catch. 'Don't worry, Scars, I'm sure Tali will take care of your skin for you.'

'What? There's nothing … .'

'Of course there isn't,' Shepard grinned as they moved forward again, the banshee a distant memory.

Several ladders and one lift later they reached Ann Bryson. Her determination impressed James as she joined them and explained what they were after. She didn't hesitate as they moved towards the extraction point.

'Shit.'

James followed Shepard's gaze and wasn't quite sure what his eyes were seeing. A glowing ball surrounded by Reaper troops, levitating, under its control. Ann stood up and he missed grabbing her arm as she walked forward, speaking in a voice that wasn't her own. Cold, sharp shivers scurried down his back and he happily followed Shepard's order to destroy the artefact. He caught Ann as she stumbled, helping her to remain upright as she regained her senses.

The hardest battle came as they dashed to the shuttle, taking down the harvester that stood in their way, and as he dropped into a seat James had never been happier to see the end of a mission. He listened as Shepard delivered the news of her father's death to Ann and he hated the idea that there were more people who would have to learn of their loved one's demise. They couldn't avoid the loss, it was war, but delivering the news - that he would never get used to.

He linked his fingers with Shepard's as she sat beside him, gently squeezing and receiving a wan smile in return. Even for a tough, strong woman like her the deaths of those around them took its toll. While she might not show it he could see through the façade, see the pain underneath that she hid so well from others. All he could do was be there. The ride back to the Normandy passed in a sombre quiet and stepping off the shuttle definitely lightened his mood.

He came out of the bathroom in their quarters, wrapped only in a towel, to find her slumped in the chair, still in her undersuit, reading a datapad. She'd sent him ahead while she helped Ann to medbay and though he'd hoped she join him he understood that sometimes other needs took preference.

'Hey, Lola,' he crouched down and rested his hands on her thighs, 'you okay?'

'Yeah,' she nodded but he wasn't convinced.

'Come on,' he took her hands and pulled her to her feet. 'You need to shower.' He turned her around and unzipped her suit, rolling it down over her arms and to her waist.

'James, I … .'

'It's okay, Lola,' he kissed her shoulder, the taste of salt lingering on his lips as his hands rested on her arms. 'I get it. Enjoy your shower and come down to eat when you're done.'

She turned in his hands and cupped his face, 'I love you.'

'I love you too,' he kissed her nose and she sighed as her forehead met his chest. 'Go,' he turned her towards the bathroom with a slap on her behind. 'You can owe me a raincheck on taking care of my skin and I will be collecting it.'

She smiled at him over her shoulder as the door closed between them. James waited until he heard the water running before dressing and leaving the room. Supporting Shepard was the most important job he had, without her their chances of surviving dropped, without her his surviving was the worst thing that could happen. If he needed to leave her alone to provide that support then he would do it.

Giving her time to deal with her thoughts and emotions was as necessary as fighting by her side. He needed time too, to get his head around what they'd discovered and he knew they would talk about it later. Right now though he simply wanted her to know that he didn't expect anything other than what she wanted to give with no pressure from him, that he only needed her to be happy and relaxed.

'How we doin', Joker,' he stepped onto the bridge to find the pilot alone studying a planet scan.

'Just waiting for orders.'

'We need to get Ann back to the Citadel, are there any ships going that way?'

'There's a salarian science vessel in system.' He glanced over his shoulder, 'we're not heading back?'

'Hackett wants us to check out Cyone, the fuel depot there has gone quiet.'

'Okay.'

'You all right, Joker,' he moved closer, his eyes moving to the image Joker had open, the name Tiptree was not familiar. Red markers indicated Reaper activity and James recognised that this meant something to Joker.

'Yeah.' He reached up to close the screen.

'Tiptree? Where is that?'

'It's a small planet out the back end of nowhere,' his eyes bored into the image, focussed on a particular spot. 'My dad and my sister live there.'

'Damn,' he glanced from the image to Joker, 'are they alive?'

'Don't know,' he closed down the image and dropped his hands into his lap. 'Liara says they're getting survivors off but … .'

'I'm sure we can spare the time if you want to go look,' he placed his hand on Joker's shoulder.

'Yeah, right. That wouldn't look like favouritism at all.' He hid his pain behind a scoff. 'I have to wait like everyone else.'

As much as it pained him he knew Joker was right. Everyone on board had someone somewhere they were worried about, including himself. Guilt ate at him though as he realised he hadn't bothered to check if new information had come through, if Liara continued following up on the crew's families.

'You have family out there?' Joker looked up at him.

'Yeah, an uncle, a few cousins. Managed to get word to them to get out, go hide. Hopefully they made it.'

'Guess hope's all we have, huh.' Joker opened up the coms to hail the salarian ship and James left him to it.

'Sir,' Traynor stopped him as he passed. 'I have a bundle of messages waiting for authority to forward. We haven't caught up since Samuels … .' She dropped her eyes and James moved closer.

'It's okay, Traynor. We don't need to hold them back any longer. I'm sure the crew would appreciate news from home.'

'Will do,' she nodded and went to say something else but hesitated.

'What is it, Traynor?'

'How do you do it?'

'Do what?' His brow furrowed and she sighed, turning to lean against the console.

'Deal with all this,' she waved her hand in the air. 'Moles, missions, death, saving the galaxy. It's exhausting and I'm not on the ground or in charge.'

'One day at a time,' he grunted a laugh, 'shit one minute at a time mostly. If it's too much we can organise a transfer.'

'No. Not on your life.' She glared at him as if daring him to do it. 'It's exciting and I love it but … .'

'The crap that comes with it isn't,' he finished her sentence.

'Right. I mean, Samuels, why didn't he talk to someone, ask for help instead of turning on us.'

'Hell, I'm probably not the right person to ask,' he stared at the floor, 'I've got my own share of baggage.'

'Yeah, but you haven't sold us out to Cerberus. Jack almost had a seizure when I told her what happened.'

'You told Jack?'

'Um, yeah,' she bit her lip and colour flooded her face. 'It wasn't against the rules, was it?'

'No,' James grinned, 'she's part of the family. So, you and Jack huh?'

'What? No, we had lunch,' she looked everywhere but at him.

'Sure.'

'There was no … . It was just lunch and an afternoon … .' She groaned and buried her face in her hands. 'I think I'll shut up now.'

'I'm sure you were just admiring each other's ink.' He laughed at her muffled moan. 'I'm happy for you Traynor, make the most of it. Although I think Jack would be a real handful.'

She lowered her hands. 'Oh, she is, but she can be very gentle … .' She stopped and gaped at him.

'Better get back to work specialist.'

'That sounds like a bloody good idea.' She turned back to her console and James was still chuckling as he stepped into the elevator.

The buzz of conversation greeted him as he walked towards the mess. EDI, Garrus, Liara and Ann Bryson were seated around the table and from the serious faces he guessed they weren't discussing the weather. Grabbing two meals from Campbell he took a seat as Shepard rounded the corner. Sitting beside him she reached for his hand, gave it a quick squeeze and dug into her meal. James was relieved to see the brightness back in her eyes as he followed her lead.

'Shepard, James,' Garrus acknowledged their presence. 'You might want to hear this.'

'Yes,' Liara agreed, her eyes locked on Ann. 'It's fascinating.'

'Tell me.' Shepard kept eating as Ann spoke.

'My father was on to something.' She paused and swallowed and James could see she was fighting back tears. 'The Leviathans are an ancient race, older than the Reapers. It's possible they created the reapers as they are built in the image of paintings we've found.'

'If they created them why aren't they controlling them?' James asked between mouthfuls.

'We don't know. Maybe they lost control somewhere along the way. Maybe they went down the same path as the quarians and the geth.' Ann stared at her hands before continuing, 'once I have access to my father's latest data I might be able to tell you more.'

'Question is,' Garrus dropped back into his seat, 'will they help us?'

'I'd be asking if we can trust them.' James said, earning questioning gazes from everyone. 'What? If they've been around for so long, allowing races to be harvested, why should we expect them to stand with us. They've hidden for this long, what makes you think that will change.'

'We have the Crucible in this cycle,' Liara pointed out.

'Yeah, what does it do and how do we use it?'

'I'm sure we'll figure that out,' she shrugged.

'You sound doubtful, James.' Shepard looked at him from under a creased brow. 'You don't think it will work?'

'Shit, Lola, I don't know. It just seems … convenient.' He pushed his plate aside as he placed his arms on the table and leant forward. 'Why are we finding this now? No offence doc,' he held up his hand towards Liara, 'but we've known about the Mars archives for thirty years, scientists have dug all sorts of stuff out of them, then all of a sudden this thing pops up right when we need it. It feels off.' He sat back and stretched out his legs, 'but I'm only a marine, not a scientist. What do I know?'

'It's a good point,' Ann looked at him and he felt a small surge of pride. 'Does Leviathan have some sort of plan, we know they can control people so is that what they're planning for us. Get us to destroy the Reapers and become the dominant race.'

'Well this war just got a lot more creepy.' Garrus muttered.

'What if destroying the Reapers is not the only option?' Everyone looked to EDI waiting for her to clarify. 'By destroying the Reapers Leviathan loses their ultimate method of control. If, as Ann suggests, this is the same as the geth and quarians perhaps they are more interested in regaining control over their creations.'

'You think the Crucible could do that?' Shepard asked.

'It is possible. Until we discover what the catalyst is the function of the Crucible is unknown.'

'How do we know the Crucible is not some giant indoctrination device,' Garrus held up his hands as all eyes fell on him. 'Only putting it out there.'

'But the Crucible doesn't come from Leviathan, it comes from multiple races.' Liara put forward her argument.

'Does it?' James ignored the glare she gave him. 'How do we know?'

'Commander, the salarian ship is about to dock with us, they're happy to return Dr Bryson to the Citadel.' Joker spoke over their heads.

'Thanks, Joker.' Shepard pushed back from the table and stood up. 'This is getting us nowhere. Until we find Leviathan we're guessing. I suggest we focus on that for now. Ann, if you follow me we'll go meet your ride.'

James watched her leave before clearing the table. He caught Liara as she headed back to her quarters.

'Hey, doc, have you got a minute?'

'Of course,' she indicated for him to follow her.'

'Thanks, I wanted to ask if you've got any more news for the crew.'

'Actually, yes I have. I've been a bit lax in passing it on, with other things happening.'

'No problem, doc,' he followed her into her quarters, a little slower than necessary, hoping his job wasn't going to be delivering death notices.


	65. Chapter 65

**** 65 ****

James sat at the mess table, reading his report for the Cyone mission, taking an occasional sip of the coffee in his hand. Up until serving with Shepard he'd never thought much about his reports, they were just words to explain what happened. Since reading some of hers and knowing that his experience could help others he made more of an effort to put in full, helpful and detailed reports. It might take him a bit longer but he believed the time would be worth it. He'd learned things from Shepard's reports and he hoped someone could learn from his.

Captain Riley and her team had impressed him. An N7 graduate working with other species in a joint effort to preserve fuel supplies and keep ships flying. He admired her determination and commitment. When her teammate had gone down and they were getting overrun he had no doubt she would sacrifice herself to save the others, just like Shepard. He hadn't hesitated when Shepard sent him to her aid. If he wanted to earn the right to be among their ranks he had to be professional and committed. Yes he hated leaving Shepard and Garrus but being a soldier meant following orders, it didn't matter that he worried about the woman he loved and his friend as long as it didn't distract him from his task. Praise from Riley and Shepard after caused a rush of heat to his face but he accepted it with a nod and no small amount of pride. He hadn't put that bit in his report though.

'Something interesting?' Kaidan sat beside him, coffee in hand.

'Just my report for Cyone,' he lay the datapad on the table.

'Ah, you've got the Shepard's report style sickness.'

'The what?'

Kaidan sighed and settled into his chair. 'Back on the SR-1, when Shepard first took over, she made sure we all put in reports for every mission, standard procedure I know, but she took them and read every one.' He leaned forward and closed his hands around his cup, 'I always wrote my reports short and to the point, no detail. I hadn't read any of hers to know she wanted more. She came to me after one mission, after Noveria I think.

'I'd written – we killed the enemy and returned to the Normandy.' He shook his head with a soft laugh. 'She made it quite clear it wasn't good enough. What if someone came up against the Rachni,' He put on a mock Shepard voice and James almost choked on his drink. 'You killed them, how, what ammo did you use, what biotic technique worked. Details Alenko, help out those coming behind.' He took a sip of coffee, 'my reports were never the same after that.'

'But she's right,' James shrugged, 'especially now.'

'Yeah, she is. New enemies and new tactics need to be studied but we don't have the time so learning tricks from those in the field can save a life. Like knowing to shoot a brute in the ass.' He laughed as James stared at him. 'I needed something to do sitting in that hospital bed. Made for interesting reading.'

'Well, it works.'

'And that's what matters.'

They sat in comfortable silence, sipping coffee and enjoying the quiet. James had wanted to ask him something for a while now and he didn't want to waste an opportunity.

'Do you think you could train me to fight biotics?' He glanced at Alenko whose eyes widened.

'Why?'

'You know me, shotgun kind of guy, up close and personal, but that doesn't always work with biotics. They're long distance attacks and I need to know how to deal with them, how to avoid them.'

'I've seen you use an assault rifle confidently,' Kaidan's eyes narrowed. 'Why change tactics now?'

James hesitated and took a deep breath before meeting Kaidan's stare. 'I've been invited to join the N program, apparently I'm expected to make N7.'

'Wow, that's … impressive.'

'Yeah, came completely out of the blue and I thought I'd got an invitation meant for someone else.'

'Don't sell yourself short, James, you're a good soldier.'

'But N7,' he sat back and stretched his legs out. 'Shepard thinks I can do it. Hell, Hackett thinks I can do it.'

'But you don't?'

'I don't know,' he stared around the mess as if it would give him the answers he needed. 'I've made mistakes, I have a lot to learn and if I do this I need to do it right. I have to commit to it and that means becoming smarter, faster and more proficient in everything.'

'Do you want to do it?' The biotic looked at him and James met his gaze, genuine respect looked back at him and not for the first time James found it a little disconcerting.

'Yeah, I think I do.' It surprised him how much his admission lifted a weight from his shoulders.

'Okay then, we start training, work out a timetable and we'll set up a safe zone in the cargo bay.'

'This sounds interesting,' Garrus had come around the corner and caught the end of their conversation.

'Hey, Scars,' James watched as he sat across from them. 'I've just asked Alenko so I may as well ask you too. Can you teach me the best way to fight turians?'

'You planning to take me down, Vega?' His mandibles flared with what James knew to be humour.

'Nah, although it might be fun.' He grinned as Garrus glared at him. 'I need to learn a different set of skills, new fighting techniques if I'm joining the N program.'

'I can … you're joining the N program?' His mandibles were wide now and so were his eyes.

'Yeah, seems so.'

'Congratulation, I hear it's a hard program to get into. Although if they've invited you their standards must be dropping.' The humour in his voice took the sting out of his words.

'Thanks,' James laughed as beside him Alenko chuckled. 'Think you can help me out?'

'Sure, it'll be fun.' Garrus shrugged, 'help work out some frustrations and kinks.'

'Does this have anything to do with that reach and flexibility I keep hearing about?' Kaidan deadpanned and Garrus glared at him.

'Maybe you and I should use this safe zone,' the turian shot back.

'That's not a bad idea.' They both turned to James and he shrugged, 'two on one, we might all learn something.'

'Well that's kinky,' Joker stood at the end of the table, glancing from one to the other. 'Should I have EDI take pictures?'

'Only if you want broken bones,' Garrus tapped his talons on the table.

'Geez, and here I thought you'd lost that stick up your ass.' The pilot moved to get coffee before sitting down at the end of the table.

'I only use it on you, Joker,' Garrus couldn't hide his turian grin.

'Love you too,' Joker scoffed. 'So what have I missed?'

'Just James wanting to learn how to fight us,' Kaidan informed him. 'He's joining the N program.'

'Seriously,' his cup dropped onto the table with a thud and he cursed as coffee spilled over his fingers. Wiping them on his shirt he looked up to find James staring at him. 'Oh no,' his eyes widened and he held up his hands. 'I am not teaching you how to pilot my ship.'

'I don't need to pilot it, I just need to know how to navigate and how you do it. Of course I could just ask Esteban.'

'He's good but if you want to learn you need to do it from the best,' he realised too late and closed his eyes with a sigh.

'Thanks Joker,' James laughed, 'I'll include you in my timetable.'

'You know they will teach you this stuff at the academy,' Joker pointed out.

'Yeah, but the more experience I have going in the easier it will be.'

'What, you're a slow learner?'

'Slower than some maybe,' Kaidan looked at Garrus.

'He does have all that muscle to get around,' the turian shrugged.

'Pendejos,' James laughed with them. 'Thanks guys.'

'Just don't tire yourself, or us, out or Shepard won't be happy.' Kaidan warned him.

The ping of multiple omnitools had them jumping. Foreheads creased and lips became narrow lines as they read the message.

'Holy shit!' Joker vocalised everyone's thoughts but the other three were already on their feet.

'I need to find Shepard,' James hurried towards the elevator.

'I'll check with Liara,' Garrus made a bee line for her door.

'EDI,' Kaidan glanced at the ceiling, 'background trace on this message, now.' He waited for Joker and they headed for the bridge.

James found Shepard already in the QEC, pacing the small room, her fists clenched and her face pale. She turned as he entered and the panic in her eyes had his heart racing.

'Traynor's trying to get through to Earth.'

'It's a mistake, Lola, some kind of joke. How the hell would Anderson let himself be indoctrinated?'

She nodded but she wasn't convinced and honestly neither was he.

'Shepard,' Liara spoke through the coms, 'I have something.'

Their omnitools popped up to show Anderson, alone, outside appearing to be doing area scans.

'That's not right,' Shepard watched the footage again. 'He wouldn't be out there alone, he's in command, not a foot soldier.'

'Maybe he's not,' James watched the footage for the third time. 'He's listening to something.'

'What?' She watched the footage again over his shoulder.

'See,' he pointed out a slight tilt of the admirals head before he straightened and looked around. 'You do that sometimes when Joker is talking to you.'

'Liara, where did this footage come from?'

'I found it in some surveillance footage from Earth, I've been following Anderson for some time.' She sounded uncertain, as if she expected anger in response. 'It's not regular but I get it when I can.'

'You should have kept me in the loop, Liara.'

'I'm sorry but with everything going on … .'

'Just keep me updated from now on,' Shepard snapped and James would almost bet Liara flinched. 'Why does this look like it's taken from a shuttle?'

'I believe it was, Shepard.' EDI spoke up.

'But wouldn't that be visible to anyone on the ground?' Shepard looked to James who shrugged.

Kaidan interrupted. 'It might be cloaked.'

'Since when does the Alliance have that tech?'

'My spec ops teams were asked to try out an experimental cloaked shuttle for some of our missions. It wasn't perfected but it worked – sort of.'

'Traynor, why haven't you got through yet?'

James put his hand on her shoulder and she flicked a glance at him but shook him off. Tension radiated from her and he clenched his jaw.

'I'm sorry, ma'am, the QEC is busy.'

'What the … if you can't get Earth get me Hackett.'

'He is unavailable too.'

'What the hell is going on?' Shepard stopped in the middle of the room and glared at the ceiling.

'Shepard,' EDI answered. 'I have traced the message to Earth. It was sent out on a wideband signal so every Alliance soldier would have received it. It has Cerberus and Reaper signatures.'

'Fuck,' James muttered and ran his hand through his hair. Morale would plummet and get soldiers killed.

He looked up to find Shepard standing with her eyes closed and her shoulders hunched. Obviously she thought the same. Reaching for his hand her fingers closed around his, her grip tight and shaky.

'I've got them,' Traynor startled them into movement as the QEC came to life.

Stokes appeared before them and James had never been so relieved. To know at least one of his team still lived gave him hope. Shepard, however was too wound up for hope to matter.

'What the hell is going on down there and where is Anderson?'

'Admiral Anderson is currently being held captive by enemy forces ma'am.'

'How the hell could you let him go out there and take that risk.'

Pride washed over James. Stokes, no longer the young man he'd first met, stood at parade rest and took Shepard's yelling quietly.

'Who's in charge down there?'

'That would be me, ma'am.'

'Where is everyone else?'

'The active teams are out with Anderson, others are patrolling the perimeter, snipers are guarding the immediate area, those not on duty are making sure our refugees are taken care of and some are actually sleeping. The only other officer in charge is watching over our moles. Ma'am.' He took a deep breath. 'I am responsible for breaking the jamming around Admiral Anderson which I am unable to do while speaking to you.'

Shepard gaped at him, completely lost for words. James smothered his laugh behind a cough but the withering glance she threw his way made him straighten up and at least pretend to be professional. He couldn't wipe the grin from his face though as she struggled to respond. Yep, Stokes had definitely come a long way.

'He's right, Shepard,' he pointed out.

All humour disappeared as a woman stepped into view, coming to the defence of Stokes. Shepard folded at the knees and he rushed forward to hold her up. Her fingers locked with his as he stood at her back, their forearms came together and he took her weight.

'Tracy!'

Shepard was shaking, her breathing rapid and he could feel her pulse racing against his skin. He glanced up at the woman who placed her hand on Stokes' arm. Regaining her composure Shepard pulled herself upright, once again the soldier he knew her to be.

'I'm sorry Stokes, I'm sure you're doing everything you can and Anderson can take care of himself. Please get back to work. If Anderson is indoctrinated as the message indicates we need to find out.'

Stokes shared a glance and a smile with the woman before stepping out of view. It took a moment for James to process what he saw but realisation brought a smile to his face. Obviously he wasn't the only one to find a little piece of happiness in the mess that was the war.

'Tracy, I thought … I don't know what I thought.'

Shepard leaned back against him and all tension gone. Looking up at Tracy James felt a little annoyed with Shepard. All this time she'd had someone she'd been worried about and hadn't said a word.

'That I was dead, a husk, indoctrinated. Take your pick.' She huffed a laugh.

'I'm glad you're alive.'

'Me too,' she flicked a glance sideways and James assumed she was looking at Stokes.

'Something I should know?'

'You tell me, is there something I should know?' She looked past Shepard to where Vega stood at her back.

'Um,' for the second time in an hour she floundered and James laughed.

'Hi, I'm Commander James Vega, Shepard's fiancé.'

'Her what?!'

Shepard sucked in a breath. 'Yeah, we're engaged,' Shepard wrapped herself in James' muscular arms.

'Well that's unexpected.' Tracy cocked a hip and folded her arms across her chest, opening her mouth to speak.

'Yes!' Stokes hissed in the background and she quickly straightened up, turning towards him as he opened the coms. 'Reigler, I'm updating your omnitools with the barrier frequency. I need you to try stepping through it, if it works I can scan the area.'

Shepard straightened up and both she and James craned their necks, trying to hear the conversation.

'Andy, I have to go.'

'Tracy, wait.' Shepard instinctively reached out but the QEC went dead. 'Traynor, get them back.'

'Belay that.'

'James, we have to know what's going on.' She spun to face him.

'Yes we do,' he pulled her towards him and away from the QEC. 'But we need to let them do their jobs. All we are is a distraction and they don't need that right now.' He cupped her face gently and her scowl softened. 'I get it, you're worried but they're good soldiers and they've survived this long. They'll get through this and get Anderson back.'

His hands hung in the air as she pulled away and paced the room.

'I should never have left. If anything happens to Anderson I'll never forgive myself. We need to go back.' She went to leave the room.

'Andy, stop.'

The use of her name pulled her up and she looked over her shoulder at him. Her eyes shone in the dim light, her bottom lip disappeared as she chewed on it. He stepped towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders and pulling her into his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and he let out a quiet sigh when she relaxed against him.

'You know none of this is your fault. Anderson chose to stay, he's going to be fine.' He kissed her hair, 'you're letting your emotions control your actions.'

'That's all your fault.'

'What?'

He leaned back and looked down at her, waiting for her to raise her head. When she did her eyes were still shining but a smile softened her face and her cheeks were again flushed with colour.

'I never had a problem with emotions until you opened my eyes, and my heart, to them.' She stroked his face with her fingers. 'You showed me that it's okay to feel and still be able to do my job. It's just … .'

'This is more personal,' he cupped her hand in his and kissed her palm. 'You know Anderson can kick ass, he's an N7 and an admiral. He didn't get there by being soft. He'll be okay.' She closed her eyes and nodded. 'So, Tracy?'

'She's my sister.'

'But I thought you had no family.'

'Adopted sister, Sarah's daughter.'

James nodded in understanding then his eyes widened. 'So that makes her Hackett's niece. I wonder if Stokes knows that.'

'Yeah, about Stokes,' she tried to look serious but failed miserably and he laughed.

'Love will find a way, Lola, I think we're living proof of that.' He kissed her forehead and they turned towards the war room.

'I just hope he doesn't break her heart.'

'That goes both ways,' James reminded her as they moved through the briefing room.

'I guess it does, I just hope he knows what he's letting himself in for.'

'If she's anything like you one hell of a ride.'

'She's more of a control freak than me.'

'Seriously!' He grunted as she hit him on the arm.

'Commander,' Traynor interrupted as they stepped into the CIC. 'We've received a message from Ann Bryson. Apparently she's found something.'

'Good, about time,' Shepard stepped up to the galaxy map. 'Joker, get us to the Citadel.'

James watched as the soldier took over but the woman underneath, the one still worried about those they left behind, he saw her. It was in the tightness around her eyes, the way her fingers hadn't completely uncurled and the stiffness of her shoulders. And he completely understood because outside he might appear calm and unruffled but inside – inside his guts were churning and his heart pounded double time. He knew what she did, that if Anderson was lost to them then they stood a good chance of losing Earth, along with everyone they loved.


	66. Chapter 66

 

**** 66 ****

James perched himself against the bench in Bryson's lab. He'd squared away his duties once they'd docked and hurried over. They were dealing with the unknown here and he wasn't going to let Shepard do that alone. EDI might be smart but she would be fixated on the tech. He would be watching Shepard and Ann, making sure they came out of this intact.

Eyes were on him, the husk head alongside him staring at him, giving him goose bumps. He lifted his hand to move it and it screamed at him. His heart pounded as he jumped back. The eyes glared at him, daring him to do it again. He couldn't help the grin as he reached out. A laugh escaped as it moved and moaned. The fun he could have with that.

'James.'

He looked up to find Shepard staring at him, her eyebrows raised and her lips lifted ever so slightly. After her emotional moment the previous day she had gone straight into Commander mode this morning. She had shut away all feelings and after a quick peck on the lips had left him in bed alone. It was a defence mechanism but it still hurt. She hated feeling weak and vulnerable and he had to deal with it. That sliver of a smile on her lips showed that she hadn't shut down completely and that gave him hope.

'Shepard,' he grinned at her, 'thought you might need a hand.' Stepping closer he spoke softly so only she heard him. 'Are you okay?' She nodded and placed her hand on his arm, it had to be enough. He dropped his eyes to the husk head. 'Have you seen this,' he waved his hand towards it and laughed when she flinched at its spine chilling sound. 'Can we take this back to the Normandy, you know, for research or something?'

She looked at him through narrowed eyes, knowing what he wanted to do with it.

'If I find it in our cabin you'll be back in the shuttle bay.'

'Nice,' he hissed with a laugh and she shook her head. He waved his hand in front of it again and it caught his finger in its teeth as it moved. He jumped back. 'Hey, EDI, a husk bite can't turn you into a husk or anything … can it?'

'I suggest you apply medigel.'

He wasn't sure if she was joking or not but just to be sure he did what she suggested before moving to where Ann settled on a seat.

He lost all sense of fun when Ann volunteered to be a conduit for Leviathan. It might be a way to find them but the risk could be too much, if they didn't get her out in time she could be a thrall for them, locked away for her own good. As she sat on the bench and glanced up at him he forced himself to smile.

'I'm here to help keep you safe,' he placed his hands gently on her shoulders and she nodded before sucking in a deep breath.

Still uncertain about the right of what they were doing he dropped the shields at Shepard's command. From the way her shoulders tensed and the curl of her fingers he knew she didn't like it either. But it was a necessary evil and she would use that even if it did eat away at her. He had to get his head into the game, into being the one who might have to make that decision one day. Putting his hands back on Ann's shoulders he waited for something to happen.

'It's cold,' Ann whispered and Shepard crouched before her.

She stiffened under his fingers. Dread washed over him, a sense of power so strong it made his hands ache. He dug in and held on as an entity they had no hope of controlling took her over.

'Holy Hell!' He couldn't do anything but hang on as her body flailed and tried to free itself from his grasp.

'Turn back.'

She writhed in his grip as a voice that wasn't hers sent shivers down his spine. He struggled to maintain his hold as Shepard asked questions but whatever was on the other end of the connection had no intention of answering. They were beneath it.

'EDI anything?' Shepard appeared outwardly calm but he heard the doubt in her voice.

'Partial lock, maintain connection to narrow the search.'

'We've got enough, we need to stop this now.' Cold wormed its way up his arms. 'I'm closing the barrier.'

Shepard looked at him, her eyes narrowed but she nodded, 'do it.'

She would be angry with him for forcing the decision but if Ann ended up lost to them she would blame herself for it, for putting her in that position, no matter how much they needed the information. She already carried enough guilt so if he could stop this before it reached that point he would, and suffer the consequences gladly. He slammed his fist on the barrier control and knelt in front of Ann.

'Are you okay?' He watched as her eyes regained focus and she lifted her hand to her head.

'I think so,' she was shaking as he helped her to stand.

'EDI,' Shepard looked to the AI, 'Did you get a location?'

'Yes, but it will take time to search,' EDI informed them, 'I have forwarded the coordinates to the Normandy.'

'Good,' Shepard turned back to Ann. 'Are you sure you're okay.'

'Yes,' she walked towards Shepard. 'Commander, I sensed something else … anger. I think it wants to kill you.'

James immediately looked at Shepard. A flicker of doubt flashed across her face but vanished before anyone else could see it. She was going after this thing, no matter the consequences. Ice ran through his veins and he shivered as fear dug its nails in deep.

'Let's get you checked out,' Shepard led Ann to the door. 'James, get back to the Normandy and prep for departure. Briefing once we're on route.' The tendons in her neck twitched and he could see the tension in her jaw. 'And don't forget your new toy,' she smiled and indicated the husk head.

'Yes, ma'am.' He nodded, being the dutiful soldier even though his guts were churning and his heart raced. He watched as the skycab lifted off and EDI climbed into the driver's seat of a second one, waiting for him. 'EDI, I want details on the systems and planets we'll be searching.'

'Of course, Commander,' she nodded and his omnitool beeped as they lifted off. 'Are you worried about Shepard being taken over by Leviathan.'

'You bet I am,' he opened his omnitool. 'We can't afford to lose her to the enemy.'

'Do you believe Leviathan is an enemy,' she glanced at him, concern in her voice.

'Hell yeah, if they weren't why haven't they come forward before now?'

'Perhaps they are simply hiding from the Reapers.'

'No, I don't believe that.' He couldn't shake the feeling that they were heading into danger. 'They hold us in contempt, they're only concerned with themselves and we've discovered them. I sure as shit wouldn't be happy about that.'

'I'm curious, did you feel anything when you were holding Ann while Leviathan took control.'

'Yeah, EDI, I did,' he shut down his omnitool and looked at his hands. 'Cold and dark, a sense of something smart that had no fear. And it knows we're coming.' He watched as they landed on the dock and he hesitated about boarding the ship, but he knew Shepard would go after Leviathan with or without him.

'So, where are we going?' Joker grabbed his attention as they stepped onto the Normandy. 'And what is that?'

James looked down at the husk head he'd forgotten he was carrying. It had lost its appeal. He placed it on the navigator's chair.

'After Leviathan,' James watched EDI slide into her chair, 'EDI can fill you in.'

'Something tells me you're not happy about it,' Joker laced his fingers across his stomach and James stared at him for a moment.

'Doesn't matter, Shepard wants to go after it so that's what we're doing.' He ran his hands through his hair, 'tell everyone to be in the briefing room once we're under way.' Stopping halfway through turning to leave he added, 'EDI can you send the systems information to everyone, give them chance to look it over before the briefing. The more eyes on this the better.'

Heading to the mess he picked up a datapad and transferred the information to it, grabbed a coffee and sat down to read. Fully engrossed in the information he only realised someone sat beside him when they cleared their throat. Kaidan was smirking at him when he lifted his eyes from the datapad. Glancing around he saw Liara and Garrus both looking at him with tilted heads.

'Interesting stuff?' Kaidan sipped a coffee, his eyes never leaving James.

'We're going after Leviathan,' James grimaced as he drank a mouthful of cold coffee. 'Thought you might want to get a heads up on where we're going. See if anyone knows anything about these systems.' He looked at the three of them in turn.

A subtle hum built around them and the floor shifted slightly under their feet. They were moving. James clenched his jaw and his grip on the datapad tightened.

'You okay, James,' Kaidan's eyes narrowed as James lifted his head towards him.

'Just have a bad feeling about this.'

'Did you mention that to Shepard?' Garrus sat forward.

'No, not yet.'

'Well, you can tell her during the briefing,' Kaidan stood up and they followed his lead. 'Best not keep her waiting.'

Shepard had her head down, reading a datapad, but she quickly looked up, glancing at them all in turn. Her eyes lingered on James who took his place beside her and he hoped she couldn't see the fear in his eyes that he felt in his gut. The way her eyes narrowed slightly and her lips pulled in he guessed she had.

'Alright, people,' she turned to the rest of the team, 'we have several locations for Leviathan so we need to narrow it down.'

'Why don't we just check each system?' Liara asked, her hands locking and unlocking, as if she expected a reprimand. She might be the mighty Shadow Broker but with Shepard she was just Liara. And she seemed as worried as James.

'It's time we can't afford to waste,' Shepard leant on the table as an image of Sigurds Cradle came up on the holo screen. 'We've managed to narrow it to these three systems,' she indicated them on the map. 'What do we know about them?'

'Lenal has four planets,' Garrus spoke up. 'There's a turian colony on Triginata Petra, they produce some of the best dextro rations in the galaxy. Warlord Rashtek Chass had a base in orbit around Nutus, demanded tribute from anyone wanting to refuel from the gas giant. The other two planets are mainly mining stations. Whether any of them are still there I don't know.'

'So if Leviathan is there it's possible they would have found them and we'd know,' Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and cocked a hip.

'Unless they're under Leviathan's control,' James kept his eyes on the map but he couldn't ignore the questioning glance she flicked his way.

'What else?'

The asari have settled in the Mil system,' Liara informed them. Chalkos and Selvos are a binary pair of planets, but the asari still set up a colony. There is a lot of questionable things happening there, genetic engineering, growing substances for things other than food and armed gangs who shoot first.' She glanced at the three humans in the room, 'Lisir should be familiar to you,' when they shook their heads she continued, 'it was used in the vid Blue Steel when humans first started making holos in space.'

'Never heard of it,' Kaidan scoffed, 'can't have been too good.'

'Most of the system is mined. Terapso is the most important planet with moon and orbital stations. It was the Omega of the asari settled worlds before Aria T'Loak.' She stared at the map for a moment. 'It is possible there are survivors if the Reapers have passed through, there are lots of tunnels to hide in. If they have discovered Leviathan they might know something.'

'What about Psi Tophet?' Shepard looked at them in turn when no-one answered.

'The system has three planets,' EDI spoke from the ceiling. 'They were only recently discovered by human probes and not much is known. 2181 Despoina is the only one with any detail and it is a water planet, land does not show up on scans. Considering the number of probes sent into the system it does seem strange that there is very little information.'

'So unless Leviathan can live underwater it has to be one of the other systems,' she flattened her palms on the table and dropped her head. 'So we're no closer to finding them.'

'Guess we do this the hard way,' James commented and shrugged as she turned her head to look at him.

'Joker, get us to Sigurds Cradle,' she waited for him to respond. 'Everyone dismissed. James, please stay.'

James leant against the desk as the others filed out, nodding as Kaidan patted his shoulder in passing. Once they were alone Shepard ordered the door locked and privacy mode engaged. She stared at him for a while until he lifted his head and met her eyes. It wasn't anger he saw looking back but confusion.

'Is there something wrong, James?'

He met her stare before straightening up and moving to the window, the stars outside a blur as they travelled towards the relay. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, he needed to choose his words carefully.

'Why are you going after Leviathan?'

'What?'

'Why are you going after Leviathan?' He turned to face her and the furrow of her brow told him she didn't understand his question. 'Why are you so desperate to find them?'

'I'm not desperate,' she shrugged and propped her hip against the table. 'They're powerful and could help us destroy the Reapers.'

'What if they won't? What if they decide that you, us, are more useful to them as a tool? Imagine the damage they could do if they got control of the Normandy and her crew.' He stepped towards her as she dropped her head and stared at the floor. 'Yesterday you were worried that Anderson might be indoctrinated by the Reapers. What if this Leviathan does the same to you and you end up facing down Anderson, hell, helping the Reapers with their harvest. What if the Normandy is taken out of the fight, hidden away until it's all over.'

'That won't happen,' she straightened up and met his eyes. 'I won't let it.'

'What if you can't stop it?'

She gaped at him, closed her mouth and gaped again. He could see the multitude of thoughts running through her head as she went to speak then stopped. Her eyes went from the floor to the table to the map still showing on the holo and finally back to him.

'That's a lot of what ifs,' she stood at parade rest and he could feel her shutting him out. 'If you're scared of what we might find you can sit this one out.'

'Damn right I'm scared,' he stepped into her personal space, ignoring the pain of her words, and pointed towards the stars outside. 'We saw what they did to Ann, to the Reaper troops when we picked her up, to those miners on Mahavid. They have a power we know nothing about. But that's not why I'm scared.' He softened his stance, forced himself to relax. 'I'm worried that you might be rushing into this because of Anderson, because you feel guilty and you're looking for something, anything, to bring this war to an end faster.'

'Isn't that why we're out here, to end this war?' She leaned forward and he couldn't ignore the tension in her shoulders as she pointed her finger at his chest.

'Of course it is,' he grabbed her hand and held on as she tried to pull away. 'But not at the expense of losing you.' She stopped fighting him and her fingers relaxed in his. 'This war needs you, Shepard, not some possible ally that so far has hidden away and used people as it sees fit. Is that the kind of help you really want?'

'What did you feel when you were holding Ann?' He couldn't stop his eyes from widening as she took his hand. 'This isn't you James, I've never known you to back away like this.'

He sighed and dropped against the table, her hand warm as she laced her fingers through his. How could he explain a morbid fear with no real grounding? Maybe he was just being foolish. She squeezed his hand and he sighed.

'Something powerful, arrogant and selfish. A sense that its only interest is protecting itself, by whatever means possible. It didn't feel like anything we could trust.' He glanced out the window and the vastness of space looked back. He shivered and she moved closer. 'And anger, like Ann said. I only felt it through her but the strength in it … .'

She silenced him with a kiss and the warmth of her lips scorched him. He was cold, freezing, and as she wrapped her arms around him he welcomed the heat of her body against his. They stood in a silent embrace for several minutes before she pulled back.

'We have to take the chance,' she brushed the side of his face with her fingers and he closed his eyes. 'And not because I feel guilty,' he jerked back and looked at her, 'you know me too well,' she smiled and it was a balm to his fear. 'If there is any hope of getting them to help we have to find them because if we can the Reapers can and that might be enough to force their hand.'

'And that's why you're the Captain of this boat,' he scoffed.

'But I can't be a good Captain without a good crew who are willing to question me when they feel the need. I can promise you that we will tread carefully, no unnecessary risks.'

'Okay,' he stood up and nodded.

'Okay?'

'Yeah, I trust you Shepard, I always have. I guess I just let my irrational fear get the better of me.'

'No fear is irrational if it's based on genuine concern. Sometimes fear is the only thing that can save us.'

'Something you learned at N school?'

'No, something my father told me when I was a kid.' She wound her arms around his neck and the warmth in her eyes thawed the cold in his soul. 'He also said that gut instinct should be listened to. You have good gut instincts so we will go in carefully and slowly.'

'What if I tell you that my gut instincts are saying I should take you right here on this table,' he dropped his hands to her backside and pulled her against him, knowing she'd feel his reaction to her closeness.

'I like that idea, but the door might be locked and the coms closed however the glass is still see through,' she laughed at his pout. 'I did miss our cuddle this morning though so we might have to make up for that later.'

'I'm going to hold you to that,' he kissed her before stepping back. 'Guess we'd better get back to work.'

'Yeah,' she let her fingers slide down his arm, slowly letting go as they put distance between them. 'Work with EDI to find out what we can about those orbs, you might want to check in with Liara too, she might have something with any luck.' She opened the coms, 'Joker, what's our ETA?'

'Right now who knows,' his loud sigh had them glancing at each other. 'We're in a line up for relay transit.'

'Can't you use my Spectre status to get us through?' Shepard left the room and James followed close behind.

'Tried that, they moved us up the line but it's still going to be at least an hour. Every relay in the system is backed up, apparently they have damaged ships coming in from other relays so we have to wait.'

'Okay, keep me posted.'

They parted at the CIC, Shepard headed to the crew deck and James to the bridge to find EDI. She might have put his mind at ease by agreeing to go slow and careful but every instinct he had screamed that it wasn't going to be enough.


	67. Chapter 67

**** 67 ****

'James, you good?'

He looked up to find Kaidan staring at him, his eyes narrowed and his head tilted. Sighing loudly James sat back and wriggled in the seat. Normally sitting as the shuttle descended didn't bother him, but today he was too restless.

'It's a hell of a day.'

'Yeah, I heard Shepard yelling earlier.' Kaidan glanced at the cockpit door. 'she didn't sound happy.'

'Ya think.' He scoffed a laugh. 'That stupid pendejo Jacob got her on the com first thing, blaming her because Hackett hadn't accepted their offer to help with the crucible. because she hadn't recommended them.' His hands fisted on his thighs, 'Why the hell would she? She suggested they take the offer to work in R & D on the Citadel. He hung up on her.' He shook his head and stared at the floor, 'she's still not sure they didn't give her away to Cerberus.'

'Didn't Liara check them out?'

'Shit, I don't know what Liara's doing in her little hidey hole. Shepard asked her to see what she could find out about Leviathan so we weren't going in blind. She went to check before the mission but Liara told her she didn't have time, she was too busy researching the crucible. That's when Shepard started yelling.'

'Have you spoken to Shepard about your instincts with this mission?'

'Yeah.' He laid his head back against the bulkhead and looked at Kaidan through hooded eyes. 'This whole thing feels like we're being herded into something. It feels wrong.'

'We might find answers if we find Leviathan.'

'It's not just the mission.' He sat forward and leant on his knees, linking his fingers as he organised his thoughts. 'Everything is just too convenient. It stinks of a trap. Leviathan, the crucible, Cerberus being one step ahead of us. Something is not right.'

'We'll be extra careful.' He shifted and leant closer, 'you have good instincts, James. If you say something feels wrong I believe you.'

'Thanks, man.'

'Hope you two can swim,' Shepard appeared in the doorway as the vid screen came to life. 'We're about to go diving.'

Both men looked at the screen to see nothing but ocean littered with wrecks. Their search had led them here and while James appreciated the extra time to gain control of his irrational fear he was also glad it would soon be over. Whatever they found.

His feet left the floor and he flew from his seat as the shuttle bounced hard, shifted sideways and tilted. Kaidan crashed into him as they ended up on the floor, sliding towards the hatch. Shepard had somehow managed to hang on to the door frame, swinging around but her feet were firmly planted.

'Some kind of pulse just took out all systems.' The calm in the pilot's voice a marked contrast to the speed of his actions. 'Brace for impact.'

James ended up against the bulkhead with a good view of the cockpit where he could see the frantic movement of Steve's hands as he tried to control their descent. Bracing himself James felt Kaidan do the same beside him. He held his breath as the shuttle hit the deck of a ship and slid, the grating of metal on metal piercing straight to his bones. He grit his teeth and hoped he hadn't jinxed them all.

The shuttle thumped against something as they came to a sudden stop, throwing them away from the side. Shepard stumbled but managed to remain upright as he and Kaidan straightened themselves up. James took Kaidan's offered hand but the biotic grabbed his arm once he was standing.

'You okay,' Kaidan looked at his head, raising his hand to push his hair aside. 'You've got a nasty cut,' he reached into his pack and pulled out medigel, applying it quickly.

'I'm good,' James looked for Shepard, relieved to see her standing and securing her weapons. 'You good, Lola?'

'Fine.' She waited as Kaidan ran his omnitool over her. 'Cortez, what happened?'

The three of them squashed into the cockpit. Kaidan checked Cortez over but James didn't miss the way his hand lingered on Steve's shoulder.

'Some sort of pulse knocked us out of the sky,' he said as he checked his screens. 'I'm pretty sure I can fix it but it's going to take some time.'

'Okay. We'll check outside.'

The hatch opened to damp, salty air. The smooth metal of the ship was wet and James cautiously stepped out. His boots held and even though the wreck they'd landed on bobbed on the water they appeared to be safe. He looked out across the ocean, there were hundreds of downed ships, some ancient and half sunk. He shivered at the thought of how many had died on those hulks. Taking point he jumped down onto the lower section and did a quick check.

'Clear.'

Shepard jumped down beside him, her eyes scanning the area. 'Let's see what we can find. Kaidan, stay with the shuttle, keep your eyes peeled.'

He crossed the deck, waiting for something to happen. Whatever had brought them down had to be here somewhere. They checked out the ramshackle collection of shelters, finding dead bodies, datapads and other bits and pieces survivors left behind. He stepped into what looked like a tent and stopped dead.

'Shepard,' he called, glancing around, peering into shadows.

'Well that's not good.' She appeared at his side and stared at what he'd discovered.

Cold washed over him and he shivered, fear invaded and he spun on his heel, raising his rifle. But there was nothing there.

'James?' Shepard frowned at him.

'Yeah, I just … .' He turned and pulled the trigger, shattering the pulsating orb. The cold disappeared but the fear lingered. 'I got a real bad feeling about this, Lola.'

'I know.' She placed her hand on his arm and he flinched before covering her hand with his own. 'Let's keep looking.'

The ship rocked. Waves crashed against the side, covering them in fine spray. James hoped the salt didn't clog their weapons as he wiped his face to clear his vision. They took their time, checking every hidey hole and discovering that leaving didn't seem to be an option according to the reports they found. Muscles ached and his hands shook, he couldn't stop the feeling that they were being watched as they destroyed other orbs.

'Reapers.' Kaidan shouted from the platform above.

Before either he or Shepard could look up all too familiar fire balls crashed down around them. James cursed and dived for cover as husks and cannibals headed towards them, marauders bringing up the rear.

'Kaidan, take out those marauders.' Shepard barked orders around the sound of her rifle.

He found his footing and glanced over the crate. Tossing a grenade he growled as he opened fire. If Leviathan was an ally now would be a good time to prove it.

As fast as they took down the enemy more appeared. They just kept coming. He dashed across an opening to grab ammo lying on the deck, only to come face to face with a cannibal. This close to the edge water washed over his boots and he lost his footing as he slid to a stop. He slammed onto his back, the air forced from his lungs and the cannibal quick to react, poised over him, reaching for him.

'James, move!'

The cannibal turned to ice as Kaidan fired a cryo blast. Rolling away James came up on a knee and blasted it with a carnage shot. It exploded into pieces but others were quickly rushing to take its place. Grabbing the ammo he sprinted into better cover.

'A little help guys,' Shepard called from somewhere out of view.

James brought up his hud to see her surrounded. Somehow she'd moved forward and he had to run to get to her. A seemingly endless number of husks had breached her cover and with an almighty roar he charged, toppling them like skittles. Unfortunately that left him exposed and vulnerable. The remaining husks were on him before he could get up.

'James.' Shepard's panicked voice came closer, she was foregoing her own safety to reach him.

Hands grabbed at him, teeth clashed against his skin, moans sent shivers down his spine. Terror overwhelmed him and raised his arms to protect his head as a grey mass buried him.

'No.' Shepard's words were soft in his ear.

Clarity returned as he realised she could be hurt. Getting a hand under him he pushed up and rolled, his weight and bulk pushing husks backwards, flattening them beneath him. He'd no sooner cleared the huddle than heat flashed by him and the husks still standing burst into flames. A second blue flash made them explode. Cannibals and more husks quickly moved to fill the gap.

Dropping a cluster of grenades he pushed to his feet and ran, wrapping an arm around Shepard's waist and dragging her with him. They tumbled into cover as the deck shuddered beneath them and gore splattered over everything around them.

'Shit.' James sucked in deep breaths as he leaned over Shepard to protect her.

'Fuck, James, what were you thinking?'

She pushed him back and her eyes burned into him as she looked him over, softening slightly as she discovered he wasn't injured except for a few scratches.

'You asked for help.'

'I didn't ask you to get yourself killed.'

A tremor rolled through the metal they sat on and heavy steps thumped towards them.

'Brutes.' Kaidan was already firing from his vantage point above them.

'Shit,' James glanced over their cover, 'I hate those things.'

'We need to move back.' Shepard jumped to her feet and he quickly followed. 'Cortez, how long?'

'Almost there.'

'Stop playing, Esteban, unless you want to be brute food.' James lobbed the last of his grenades as he dropped into cover. 'Out of grenades.'

The first brute went down and the second closed in fast. Cortez finally got the shuttle airborne. Giving them air support he hovered above them, working his way forward as more troops fell from the sky. It didn't last though. Another pulse killed the power and the shuttle careened into a corner at the other end of the ship.

'Steve,' Kaidan yelled, dashing forward with James and Shepard on his heels.

James wasn't made for speed and he gulped in air as he leapt a gap in the deck, landing hard behind a bulkhead. Shepard dropped in beside him breathing heavy but not gasping, he really needed to improve his stamina. Together they fought off a new wave of cannibals and husks. Spying an ammo box he slipped over the metal providing protection and almost ran straight into a brute as it landed.

_Fuck!_ _Why are they landing on my head?_ Thinking fast he slid beneath it, grabbing his knife and slicing through the back of its legs on his way. It screamed as it tumbled and Shepard finished it off. His momentum carried him to the ammo box and with a quick grab he scrambled to his feet, continuing forward to where Kaidan and Steve provided covering fire. He heard Shepard behind him as he ran up a ramp and into relative safety.

'Glad you could join us,' Kaidan commented as he sent out a cryo blast.

'Can't let you have all the fun.' He grinned as he blew the frozen targets to pieces. 'Besides, I thought Esteban might need the practice.'

'I've had all the practice I need.' Steve flicked a glance at him, 'I do have an idea though.'

'Kill the bad guys first then ideas.' Shepard launched a drone as she spoke.

Using tech, biotics and good old fashioned fire power they finally cleared out the enemy troops. James figured they didn't have long before the next wave though.

'That was fun.' He slid down behind the half wall, taking a moment to rest. 'I think we're going to need more ammo.'

'How's the shuttle, Steve?' Shepard asked as her eyes scanned the ship for ammo.

'She's not going to fly again any time soon.'

'Can we call the Normandy for evac?' James got to his knees and reloaded his weapons.

'No, she'd get knocked out like we were and it wouldn't be anywhere near as pretty a landing.'

'That's what you call pretty?' James laughed and Cortez scowled at him.

'Prettier than you managed on Mars.'

'Okay, so what's this idea?' Shepard pulled them back onto topic.

'There's an old Triton mech in the hanger over there.' Everyone followed his finger as he pointed, 'it should be usable and get you down to the probe and hopefully Leviathan.'

James looked from Steve to Shepard. Was he seriously considering sending her down in an old mech alone? From the worried glance Kaidan threw Cortez then Shepard, James knew he wasn't the only one doubting their sanity.

'We need to power up the door to get it open.' Steve continued, 'we can use the power cells from the shuttle to do it, we need to plug them in to a power socket, there are a couple of them close by.'

'Okay.' Shepard stood up, 'let's do this.'

'Whoa.' James grabbed her arm and she turned towards him. 'You're not really planning on going down in that thing?'

'What choice do we have?'

'If this Leviathan is here and it wants to help wouldn't it have done something by now.' He dropped her arm as she tilted her head at him. 'How do you know it's even down there? What happens if that mech fails once you're in the water? We can't help you once you leave this ship.'

'It's a chance we have to take.'

James gaped at her. Everything she'd promised him, that she wouldn't take unnecessary risks, knowingly put her life in danger, was a lie.

'Shepard, this is crazy.' Kaidan backed him up but James' world had narrowed to the fear in his bones and the ache in his heart. 'There has to be another way.'

'Give me one.'

James heard the determination in her voice and knew he'd lost. There was a good chance he would lose her too and he turned away, wanting to hide the pain he knew she'd see on his face. He moved to the edge of the ship, stared down into the water and tried to convince himself she'd be all right. He couldn't do it. His chest heaved as he fought to breathe, as panic took hold and his vision blurred. She was willingly leaving him behind.

'James.' She placed her hand on his arm but he shook her off. 'James, please.'

'Please what?' He turned to face her, cold, mind bending fear wrapping him in its arms and holding him tight, making him shake. 'Accept that you lied to me, that you never meant the promises you made. That finding Leviathan is more important than you staying alive.' He paced the small space, very aware of the way she clenched her jaw, the way her eyes pleaded with him to understand. 'This is the most reckless, idiotic and stupid idea you've ever had. What happens to the Normandy, to the crew if you don't come back?'

'You'll take care of them for me.'

He scoffed at her and she flinched, 'do you really think I'll be in any state to do that if you die down there?'

'James, you're a soldier, you know we could die at any moment.'

'Yeah, on a battlefield, not hundreds of metres underwater where help can't get to you.' He stopped pacing and looked at her. 'Let me do it.'

'What? No.'

'Why not?'

She sighed and looked at him before speaking. 'This might sound crazy but the Reapers consider me a threat. You heard that one on Rannoch, they know me by name. There's a good chance they've followed us here because of me. If that's the case then Leviathan needs to know me, needs to understand why I'm here.'

Oddly enough he could see the reasoning behind her thinking. He didn't like it but he got it. His fingers caught in something sticky as he ran his hands across his head and met her gaze.

'I get it.'

'You want to be N7,' she said, smiling as she closed the gap between them and placed her hand on his shoulder. 'This is what we do, take risks so others don't have to, be a little crazy. You do remember who I am right?'

She laughed as he rolled his eyes but she was right. It wouldn't stop him from panicking or being terrified for her, even though she had the experience and she'd done lots of crazy things during her career. He believed in her even though his fear got the better of him.

'Okay, Lola, or maybe I really should be calling you Loco.' He pulled her in close and kissed her, long and deeply, mission protocols be damned. 'Come back to me Lola.'

'I intend to do just that.' She stepped back and looked at him, 'but if the worst happens I need you to take care of the Normandy and crew.'

'Of course.' He nodded, 'sorry about getting personal but … .'

'This is personal.'

'Yeah, but you need me to be professional and I'm not doing that.'

'Actually you are, kinda. You're my XO, you should be pulling me up if you think it's too risky. I'm not saying you'd win the argument though.'

He chuckled and she grinned at him, 'guess I have to work harder then.' He stepped back and pulled on a more serious expression. 'If we're doing this we'd better get started.'

Kaidan didn't hide his concern as they walked towards him and James understood completely. She might have sound reasoning but it didn't make it easier. His stomach churned and he desperately wanted to punch something but he kept his emotions in check, mostly.

'So we're doing this?' Kaidan looked at them both in turn.

'Guess so.' James replied as Shepard went to talk to Cortez.

'This is nuts.'

'I hear ya,' James agreed, his gaze landing on Shepard as Cortez explained what had to be done. Movement caught his eye and he looked up. 'Shit. We've got incoming.'

'Cover me.' Shepard was already running with the first power pack as the deck rang with dropping Reaper troops.

James focussed on taking down the enemy, trying hard not to get distracted as she darted among them. Four times she had to make the run until finally the hanger door opened. Brutes followed her as she scrambled into the mech and James darted from cover, firing carnage rounds into their asses, gaining their attention.

Kaidan stood at his back, keeping husks and cannibals at bay until Shepard finally got the mech into action. He could hear her whooping as she fired rockets and took down the enemy. When they were all gone she jumped from the cockpit, her face flushed from the fight, her eyes alive with excitement, laughter flowing from her lips as she bounced on her feet. For a moment he forgot all about the danger she was about to step into and admired the warrior, the woman he loved.

Even Kaidan was grinning as he stepped towards her. 'Shepard, I need to link into your hardsuit so I can keep an eye on your readings.'

It wasn't unusual for a field medic to link with another's hardsuit if someone was injured but the fact he was doing it now hit James like a sledgehammer. Shit was getting serious. He walked over to where Cortez was checking out the mech.

'Steve, you'd better be right about this thing.' He kept his voice low, 'if you have any doubts this mission is a no go.'

'I know that Mr Vega.' He glanced up from his omnitool, 'I have no intention of putting the commander's life at risk.'

'Yeah, sorry.'

'It looks good though.' He held out his arm and showed him the readouts even though he knew James wouldn't understand them.

'How are we doing, Steve?' Shepard joined them and looked up at the mech.

'Good to go, commander.'

James managed to keep down his stomach contents as she climbed aboard. He wanted to grab hold and pull her out, stop her from risking her life. Instead he watched as she listened to Steve's instructions. When he was done James stepped forward and looked up into the cockpit. She met his eyes and while she might appear sure there was doubt there.

'Be careful, Lola.'

'Always.' She hesitated before closing the hatch. 'I love you.'

'I love you.' He swallowed hard as the hatch came between them and she powered up the machine.

He stepped aside as she moved to the edge of the ship. There was a moment when he thought she might have changed her mind, when she stopped and he could sense her taking deep breaths. But she walked forward into the churning water and disappeared, taking his heart with her.

He listened to her voice on the com, watched as Kaidan kept his eyes on her suit readouts and vaguely heard Steve say something about getting the shuttle ready. The com began to break up and Kaidan cursed as his readings did the same, the water between them a barrier they couldn't penetrate. The waves crashed around them, the hulk beneath them rocked and rolled, but it was the silence that had their attention. She was gone and there was nothing they could do but hope she came back.


	68. Chapter 68

**** 68 ****

'She's coming up,' Steve yelled over the sound of gunfire as they fought off another wave of Reaper troops.

Relief never came as husks invaded his position. Pulling the closest one over his cover James stomped on its head, the blue grey goo left behind sticking to his boots, adding to the already thick layer of guts and skin. He'd never get them clean. Diving sideways as he tossed a grenade gave him a moment to scan for Shepard.

A wave washed over the edge to their right, followed by the mech and he smiled. She was back. His joy soon turned to horror when she fell from the cockpit, landing hard and struggling to stand before falling on her face and not moving.

'Shepard!' He dashed across the deck, narrowly avoiding a brute that crashed down in his path.

Reaching Shepard he rolled her over to see blood pouring from her nose, covering skin that had no colour, lips that were blue. His heart stopped. A soft groan spurred him into action. Wrapping his arm around her he dragged her to her feet but she couldn't stand. He had no time to think as a pair of brutes closed in, arms going up in preparation for a charge.

No amount of firing from Kaidan and Steve made either of them turn. They were coming for them. With a primal roar he hoisted Shepard into his arms and ran. He didn't look back. He knew if he did he'd stumble and with the love of his life half dead in his arms that wasn't going to happen.

'What the … ?'

James almost bowled Kaidan over as he stood up, watching something behind him and James realised the brutes hadn't followed. He didn't care. He had one priority, getting Shepard safely to the shuttle. Kaidan followed as Steve dashed inside to get it started. With a few last shots he jumped in beside him and slammed the hatch shut. He scrambled across the floor to where Shepard lay. Working quickly he ran his omnitool over her, tested her pupil response and from the cursing James guessed it wasn't good news.

'Hope she got that pulse off line or this is going to be a short trip.' Steve called from up front and James felt the shuttle lift.

'James, strip.' Kaidan was already at work pulling off Shepard's armour.

James didn't ask he simply did it. Kaidan threw a thermal blanket at him as he kicked off his under armour and stood clad only in his boxers.

'Put the blanket on the floor and lie down.' He motioned to the space beside Shepard as he rolled her under armour off, leaving her in a sports bra and shorts.

Once he settled Kaidan gently moved Shepard closer and onto the blanket with him, making sure to tuck her head into James's shoulder before wrapping a second blanket around the both of them. He folded a third blanket under his head to protect him from the floor. James held her cold, prone form against his chest. Her breathing barely registered and he could feel the slow, irregular beat of her pulse where her neck rested on his arm. At least it was still there.

Breaking out heat packs Kaidan snapped them to activate and pushed them in around their upper bodies, not touching but he could still feel their warmth. James looked up into the biotics worried eyes and the sharp blades of fear cut deep.

'Kaidan?'

'She has severe hypothermia. We need to get her warm and we need to be careful about moving her. We can't risk cardiac arrest. Lay with her and let your body heat do the work.'

He knew about body heat, they all learned how to use it in basic, how to survive if stuck out in freezing temperature. He hadn't known about the possibility of a heart attack though, and the thought that he could have caused one sent chills through him that had nothing to do with the temperature of the woman in his arms.

'Can you feel her breathing?' Kaidan asked and he nodded. 'Good, if that changes you tell me.'

James fought down panic. Shepard hadn't moved, she lay stiff and cold alongside him. Lifeless. Tears burned his eyes and he closed them tightly, taking deep, slow breaths to calm himself. A hand on his arm made him jump and open his eyes.

'She'll be okay.' Kaidan smiled but it didn't hide the worry in his voice. 'A few more minutes and we might have been too late.' He sat on the floor beside them.

'We've got a Reaper inbound.' Steve informed them and Kaidan pushed himself up and moved forward.

'Can we dodge it?'

'Probably not.' The shuttle shifted sideways. 'What the … .'

Light flashed from the cockpit and James tensed, waiting for the moment when they were blown out of the sky.

'I love you, Andy,' he whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head for what he believed would be the last time, thankful she wouldn't feel any pain, missing the life they wouldn't have.

Nothing happened. The shuttle kept flying, heading for the Normandy and safety. Kaidan came back and sat by James' head.

'Looks like she might have enlisted Leviathan.'

'They'd better be fucking worth it.' James tightened his hold. Her life was too much to sacrifice for the help of one race.

Chakwas waited for them, along with Garrus, both dashing forward as the shuttle docked and opened up. James went to move as Chakwas placed a stretcher alongside them.

'No, stay there.' She ordered, 'we need to keep her warm until I can get her into medbay. We'll have to move both of you together.' She indicated Garrus should lift the blanket at his feet and Kaidan at his head while Steve helped in the middle. James held his breath as they lifted them enough for Chakwas to get the stretcher under them and he felt the lifters kick in. 'EDI, I need the elevator now.' Chakwas jumped out of the shuttle making sure the stretcher stabilised as Garrus and Kaidan manoeuvred it out.

'It is already waiting for you doctor.'

The ride up felt quicker and James would almost guarantee the elevator went faster. It didn't matter though, Shepard still remained cold against him, although her breathing did feel slightly stronger. They were rushed into the medbay, past worried faces gathered in the mess. James hoped the stretcher lifts could handle both their weight as Chakwas raised it to bed height. Once again Garrus and Kaidan helped move them across. Chakwas organised her equipment as Kaidan removed the heat packs from under James' back before lifting the blanket.

'You can get out now, James.' He stepped aside so James could get his feet on the floor. 'Grab another blanket and keep yourself warm, you'll still feel cool from Shepard. You need to shower and dress.'

'I need to be here.' James moved to the end of the bed, wrapping the blanket Garrus handed him around his shoulders.

'There's nothing you can do,' Chakwas said as she started an IV on Shepard. 'You'll only be in the way. I need you gone.'

'Go shower James,' Kaidan spoke softly, leaning in and placing his hand on the bigger man's shoulder. 'I'll let you know how she is.'

'You'd better.' With a last lingering look at Shepard he left the medbay with Garrus on his heels.

'She's in good hands, James.'

'I know, I just need to see her wake up.' He thumped the elevator button, pulling the blanket around to cover his near nakedness.

'She will, I'm sure it won't be long.'

James stepped into the elevator, hesitating before pushing the button. He hated leaving but he knew he had to get dressed, ready for when Shepard woke up. Sooner rather than later.

* * *

Showered and dressed he sat on the steps in their quarters, hunched over his knees, his face buried in his hands, fingernails threatening to draw blood on his scalp as they dug in. He fought down the bile in his throat and scrunched his eyes closed.

_Shepard falling out of that mech. Shepard lying lifeless on the ground. Shepard's pale face and bloodless lips._

He knew he should do something other than sit here, carry out his duties, check on the crew. But he couldn't bring himself to move. He rocked back and forth, tears forcing their way through his closed lids. He wasn't going to cry. She would be be fine. She hadn't died.

_Her cold body against his. Her closed eyes and stiff arms. Her lack of response to his touch._

He had to be strong, for her, for them. Lifting his head he focused on the bed, their bed. In that bed they had shown their love for each other, built memories, made each other laugh- and cry. They made promises, vows and planned a future.

'James.' A hand on his shoulder made him slide sideways and look up in shock. 'Sorry,' Kaidan sat down beside him, 'knocked but you didn't hear me.' He ran his omnitool over him as James relaxed a little but from the worried look on the biotic's face James guessed he wasn't happy.

He wanted to ask about Shepard, if she'd woken, but words wouldn't come. He stared at Kaidan, his mouth working but no sounds escaping. Before he could force his voice to work two powerful arms engulfed him, his head held close against a solid chest. The soothing sound of Kaidan's voice in his ears almost disappeared beneath the sound of his own sobs. He gripped the shirt under his fingers as his body trembled, held firmly but tenderly as he forced the fear from his heart.

Never in his life would he have believed he could find comfort in the arms of Shepard's former lover. But that was exactly what he did find, warmth and friendship. It gave him strength and he understood that admitting to his fear was necessary if he wanted to get past it. As his sobs subsided he slowly pulled away and sat up, wiping his face as he cast his eyes to the floor.

'Thanks, man.'

'No thanks necessary.' Kaidan shifted to face him. 'I know how it feels to lose her.'

He met the worried eyes of the older man, let out a long sigh and sat up. 'Fuck I was scared. I thought she … .'

'Yeah,' Kaidan agreed, stopping his train of thought. 'She's going to be okay. Her body temperature is rising and Chakwas says she should be awake soon. I wanted to make sure you were all right.'

'I'm good.' He flicked a glance sideways to find Kaidan smirking at him. 'Okay, I'm better now.' As if to prove his point he stood up. 'Joker,' he raised his eyes to the ceiling, 'get us to the Citadel and let them know the Normandy is coming in for maintenance.'

'Aye, aye. It's about time.'

'Shepard probably won't like forced shore leave.' Kaidan stood up and followed James to the door.

'She promised me we'd obey Hackett's order once she'd found Leviathan. I'm not giving her the chance to back out.'

'Commander, the asari councillor is on the QEC,' Traynor spoke as they stepped into the elevator. 'She wants to talk to Shepard. She's been sending messages since Rannoch, I think the Captain's been ignoring her.' Her grin hinted at by the tone of her voice. 'She's not taking no for an answer.'

James sighed and closed his eyes. 'I'll talk to her.'

'I could do it.'

James looked at Kaidan, the grimace on his face testament to Traynor's thought that Shepard was ignoring the councillor. For a moment James wanted to agree, Kaidan being a spectre and all, but he knew Kaidan hadn't eaten or showered since they'd come back aboard. As the XO he couldn't let that slide, plus he had come to like the biotic and didn't want to see him burn out.

'Nah, I'll do it, show her my charms.' Kaidan snorted a laugh and James grinned. 'Besides, you need to shower and eat.'

'A shower will feel good.' He rolled his shoulders and let out a deep breath. 'It was one hell of a mission.' He glanced sideways at him, 'very stressful for all of us.'

James dropped his head and heat flushed his face. 'Yeah, guess I owe you and Steve an apology.' He met Kaidan's amused stare. 'Sorry, didn't meant to yell at you.' He knew he'd gone overboard when they'd lost contact with Shepard, his fear and anger making him say things he shouldn't have.

'I get it, James.' Kaidan placed his hand on James' shoulder, 'you're not the only one who cares about her.' The elevator door opened to the CIC, 'you should probably buy me a drink to make up for it, we are heading to the citadel.'

'Good idea,' James said as he stepped out and turned to look back, 'it would be nice to have some down time and a few drinks.' He smiled as he added, 'I should invite Steve too, seeing as how you two are getting close.'

'What?' Kaidan gaped at him. 'We're not … .' His words were cut off by the closing doors.

James had lost his smile by the time he reached the QEC to find the asari councillor waiting for him. He hated politics and politicians. Dealing with them gave him a headache so he understood why Shepard had been avoiding them. But, he was the XO and in Shepard's stead he had to deal with it, that and it was good practice for his N training.

'Councillor, what can I do for you?' He stepped up to the console confidently and the wavering image reflected the surprise on her face.

'I need to speak to Commander Shepard.'

'Shepard is currently unavailable. I am Commander James Vega, the Normandy's XO. Anything you want to say to Shepard you can say to me.'

'I doubt that, Commander,' the asari looked down her nose at him. 'Shepard is a council spectre, you are not.'

'No, but on this ship I am in command when she is unavailable.' He settled into parade rest, 'either you tell me and I will pass the message on or you will have to wait until Shepard can contact you. Either way I will be told what you need unless it's classified spectre business.'

She sneered at him, disdain and dislike oozing out of her image like lava flowing out of a volcano, threatening and fiery. He'd thought of asari as graceful, peaceful and beautiful but looking at her he could only see arrogance, selfishness and something ugly. It occurred to him that she represented the asari race perfectly. She expected him to bow down. Not going to happen.

'Very well.' She nodded once and matched his stance. 'The Reapers have arrived on Thessia, our people are being overwhelmed. Our defences are no match for them.'

'So I'm guessing you want Shepard's help.' He cocked a hip and folded his arms across his chest.

'While that would be nice it would not be wise.' She relaxed her arms at her side and her head dropped. For the first time he saw the fear and vulnerability in her, that he understood. 'I have been informed of an artefact on Thessia that might be beneficial to your cause.' She tilted her head at him and he realised she meant the Crucible. 'If you could ask Commander Shepard to come and see me the next time she is on the Citadel I would appreciate it.' She held up her hand as he went to speak, 'I would rather not discuss this over an open com line.'

'Of course, councillor.' James straightened up, 'I'm sure the Commander will come and see you as quickly as possible.'

'Thank you.' She studied him for a moment, 'Commander Shepard is lucky to have such a second in command as yourself. For her to be unavailable usually means she's injured or on a mission. You covered well for her.'

She cut the connection before he could respond. He wasn't sure if she'd given him some kind of compliment or not. Whatever it was the reason for the call wasn't lost on him. He leant on the console, frustration and anger boiling to the surface and he so desperately needed to hit something. Without thinking he spun and belted his fist into the nearest bulkhead, pain radiated up his arm as he placed his other hand flat and held himself up. He squeezed his eyes closed, his fingers digging into the metal, his fingernails aching as they tried to cut holes.

'Vega, stop hitting my ship. I'm guessing I should belay the maintenance order.'

Joker's voice over his head grounded him and he straightened up. 'You know Shepard, she'll want to go after whatever this is.'

'Hopefully the doc will take her off active duty, make her take a break.'

James scoffed, 'you know that won't stop her.' He turned, dropping his back to the wall and raised his eyes to the ceiling, 'she'll burn herself out if it means she can end this war faster.'

'And you're surprised?'

'No.' He pushed off the wall and headed for the CIC. 'doesn't mean I have to like it.'

'I hear that,' the pilot agreed. 'EDI said to tell you that Shepard is awake and asking for you.'

'Thanks, Joker. Can we take the long way to the Citadel please.' He shook his head at Joker's laughter as the com closed.

Something occurred to him as he stepped into the CIC and he stopped beside Traynor.

'Traynor, how many messages has the Commander been ignoring?'

'Only the councillor's, sir, as far as I know.' She narrowed her eyes at him, 'is something wrong?'

'No, she has a lot on her plate so wanted to see if I could help. There's been a lot going on lately and we can't afford to miss anything.'

'You're not kidding.' She rolled her eyes at him. 'I know Liara has been wanting to speak to Shepard about something but the Captain seems to be avoiding her too.'

'I'll look into it,' he said, walking towards the elevator.

His heart pounded in his ears as he stepped into medbay. Chakwas lifted her head as he entered, smiled and walked past him with a pat on his shoulder. The pull of Shepard's gaze was too strong to ignore so he moved towards her. She looked better, not completely, but at least her lips had colour and she gave him a weak smile.

'You're going to be the death of me, you know that, right?' He perched beside her and took her hand in his as his eyes searched her face.

'I have to keep you on your toes.' She tried to sound normal but failed dismally. The fact that she hadn't moved told him how much she hurt. 'Chakwas says I'll be fine.'

'Until the next time you put your life at risk.' He sounded angry even to himself and he fought to control his emotions.

'I'm sorry, James … .'

'No, don't do that.' He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. 'I'm sorry, I'm not angry but you scared the hell out of me, Lola.' He sighed and brushed her cheek with his fingertips, pleased to see some colour returning. 'I'm getting used to you putting your life on the line and I get why, dealing with it – haven't got used to that yet.'

'I don't deliberately go out of my way to get into dangerous situations.'

'Maybe not, but they sure as shit find you. I think you should stay on the ship and let the rest of the team have a turn.'

'What, and miss all the fun.' She grinned at him but quickly turned serious. 'I'm glad you weren't hurt.'

'I can handle myself, Lola, you should know that by now.'

'I do, but I'm allowed to worry too.'

'I think I have dibs on worrying right now. A diving mech, so deep we lost you, no idea if you were still alive and then you drop out of the mech and lie still on the ground. You were an ice block, Shepard.'

'The environmental controls fizzled on me halfway through my conversation with Leviathan, thought I could last a while longer. Leviathan didn't help, got into my head so I had no control.' She turned away as if ashamed, 'they wanted to keep me down there, let the rest of you die.'

'Hey.' James moved so he could lie beside her, pulling her into his arms. 'We're alive, that's all that matters.'

'But you were right, what if I didn't come back, what if they had kept control of me.' She played with his shirt.

'We would have found a way to get you back.' He kissed the top of her head as she buried herself into his shoulder. 'Besides, you're Commander Shepard, this big badass that I love. You would have found a way.'

'I'm glad you have confidence in me.'

'I love you, I know you'll come back to me.'

'I hope you're right.'

So did he because if she didn't come back he didn't know if he could go on, and he definitely didn't want to find out.

 


	69. Chapter 69

**** 69 ****

He couldn't find it. From the hidey hole under engineering to the war room, he'd searched almost the entire ship with little success. Heading to the last place he remembered seeing it he stepped through the door.

'Hey Joker … .'

'Commander Vega, Captain's quarters. Now.'

'Well that doesn't sound ominous at all,' Joker said, spinning his chair and laughing at the puzzled stare James gave the ceiling. 'What have you done to piss Shepard off?'

'Stuffed if I know.' He shrugged and turned to leave.

'Did you want something?'

'It can wait.' He spoke over his shoulder as he headed away from the bridge, almost bumping into EDI as she entered.

He heard more than a couple of chuckles as he passed through the CIC, feeling like a naughty schoolboy heading to the headmaster's office, dreading the punishment he would receive – or maybe not so much in this case. The elevator door stood open and he wiped his palms on his trousers, racking his brain as to how he could have upset Shepard. She'd only been released from medbay an hour earlier with strict instruction to rest. He'd gone about his duties as normal, the ship was running as it should be, there were no known issues, he'd even cleaned up the loft. So what could have pissed her off?

The doors opened on their floor and his heart pounded as he stepped into their quarters. Coming face to face with Shepard stopped him dead. All thoughts of trouble flew out the airlock. Standing before him, dressed in nothing but her underwear, she put a hand on his chest and met his eyes.

'Did you want something, Lola.' He looked her up and down and she squirmed under his gaze but he didn't miss the flush of her cheeks. 'I'm happy to oblige.'

'I warned you.'

The tone of her voice made him meet her eyes and it wasn't passion looking back at him. Swallowing hard he pulled himself together, pushing all thoughts of pleasure from his head.

'About what?'

She stepped back and sideways and the sickening sound of a husk moan echoed around the room.

'So that's where it went.' He peered around the corner to view the new ornament on her desk.

'I believe I warned you about this thing being in our quarters.' She tapped her foot, folding her arms across her chest and he held up his hands.

'Hey, not my fault.' He allowed his eyes to roam over her half-naked body, 'but I should thank whoever put it here.'

'James, I'm being serious.'

'So am I.'

'So you want to move back to the shuttle bay?'

'What?' His eyes shot back to hers.

'I warned you that if I found this thing in our quarters you'd end up back in the shuttle bay.'

'I didn't put it there.' He pleaded, 'I couldn't find it anywhere.'

'So who did?'

'Captain, commander,' EDI spoke over their heads, 'I placed the object in your quarters while you were in the shower, I did knock but you did not hear me. I apologise for any distress but Jeff assured me that it belonged there. He is finding this situation – amusing.' Joker's muffled chortling echoed through the com.

'Payback's a bitch,' Joker said, still laughing. 'You left that thing on my bridge. Scared the shit out of me. I almost broke a leg falling into my chair.'

'Jeff, I believe that is an exaggeration.'

'Thanks for the support, EDI.'

James could visualise Joker's obvious pout. Shepard chuckled and shook her head. He was off the hook.

'Thanks for clearing things up, EDI.' The com clicked off and she looked up at him, 'sorry.'

'You can show me how much later.'

He cupped her face and kissed her, a slow, languid kiss that aroused him instantly. The warmth of her skin drove out the memory of her cold, lifeless body in his arms. She moved into his embrace, her arms lifting to slide around his neck. The husk head moaned.

'Fuck, Joker,' she cursed, dropping her arms and stepping back. 'Get rid of that thing and be thankful I don't send your ass back to the shuttle bay anyway.'

'Anything for you, Lola.' He chuckled, kissed her nose and picked up his toy. 'But you still owe me an apology.'

'Just go.' Her laughter danced around him as she pushed him towards the door, 'you have a ship to run.'

'And you're supposed to be resting. I'll have Campbell bring you up lunch.'

The door closed between them, making the head moan and James rolled his eyes as he stepped into the elevator. The myriad of ways he could have fun with this ran through his head and he grinned as he stepped out onto the crew deck.

'Joker, you watch everything down here don't you?'

'Yeah.' He could hear the pilot grinning. 'I'll patch the feed to your omnitool.'

'Let's have some fun.'

Checking for personnel and discovering none he went directly to the men's restroom and carefully placed the head just inside the door. Stepping back, he grinned as the door closed and the head moaned. Chuckling softly he made his way to Liara's quarters. He stopped inside the door, the set-up in her room never failed to amaze him and he took a moment to look at the amount of information on her screens. How she kept track of everything he had no idea.

'James.'

He met her questioning stare and stepped further into the room. 'Sorry, Liara, how you manage all this … .' He waved his hand around the room, passing through Glyph who floated past him.

'I've had lots of practice.' She let out a soft sigh, 'is there something you need?'

'Actually I hear you need something.' His eyes flicked to the data on the Crucible that took up half of her screens. 'Traynor tells me you wanted to talk to Shepard.'

'Yes, I think she's been avoiding me.' The sadness in her tone forced his gaze back to her.

'Don't take it personally doc,' he said, huffing a laugh. 'She's a little pissed off with the asari right now, hell, she's pissed off with the council and everyone that's not on the Normandy and ignoring the fight.'

'I know she's been a little obsessed with finding Leviathan.'

'A little,' he scoffed and she chuckled.

'I received a message from Asari High Command about a distress signal. Several asari commando units have disappeared while checking it out. They haven't asked directly but I think High Command is hoping Shepard will take a look.'

James flinched as his omnitool flashed to life. The camera feed from the corridor showed Corporal Winters walking towards the male restrooms. Liara leaned closer so James tilted his arm. She jumped as the restroom door opened and the husk head screamed. Winters however squealed as he stumbled back and crashed against the wall, almost collapsing to the floor. His chest heaved as he glanced around, scrambling to his feet, his face flushed even though he tried to look brave and unaffected.

James laughed loudly as Liara chuckled beside him. They watched in fascination as Winters checked to see if anyone was around before picking up the head, keeping it tight against his chest, and dashing to the female restrooms. Taking his time he carefully placed the head just inside the door, almost running back to the male facilities as the door closed and the head moaned.

'Well I know not to use the facilities for a while.' Liara shook her head but her eyes held nothing but amusement. 'You humans have a strange sense of humour.'

'Keeps us healthy, and it's fun.' James shrugged, still grinning as he closed down his omnitool. 'I'll let Shepard know about the distress signal when she's back on deck.'

'Thank you.' She placed her hand on his arm as he turned to leave. 'I have a few messages if you want to forward them on.' He nodded and she forwarded them to his omnitool. 'There is one there for you.'

Without thinking he opened his tool. He hesitated, his mouth dry at the thought that he'd find bad news. Taking a deep breath he opened the message. His chest tightened as he read, his eyes watered and his mood and manner brightened.

'Good news I hope.'

'My uncle got the family out. They're safe at his hunting cabin in the mountains.' He stepped forward and hugged Liara who tensed under his hands. 'Thanks, Liara.'

'You're welcome.' She patted his back. 'Passing on good news is always nice.'

'I'd better go.' He turned to leave but thought of something. 'I'm training with Kaidan in the cargo bay, he's helping me fight biotics. If you're not busy you could come down, I know you have different skills to Kaidan.'

'I'll think about it.' She replied and he nodded and left.

Stopping long enough to organise a tray for Shepard, including a Campbell special hot chocolate, he made his way to the cargo bay. Kaidan and Steve stood by the procurement console and James observed them for a moment. The major propped his backside on the console, one arm stretched out and his hand on Steve's opposite hip while Steve stood with his front to the console, his arm stretched across Kaidan's hips, his thumb through the belt loop of his trousers. Their heads were bowed together in soft conversation. Kaidan smiled at something Steve said and James couldn't help but think how handsome the biotic was – the real tall, dark and handsome that women, and obviously men, found attractive. But he was much more than just an attractive man.

When he thought about it he realised they were perfect for each other. Both quiet, confident men who had gone through loss and come out the other side. Understanding would come easy he surmised and having similar pain could bring them closer. They deserved some happiness and he hoped they made the most of these quiet moments. They were oblivious to his presence and he hated to disturb them but before he did he took a photo.

_Vega J: This will make you smile._

He attached the photo and sent it, getting a response almost immediately.

_Shepard A: About damn time, they deserve some happiness._

His omnitool popped up and Westmoreland's scream echoed around the shuttle bay at the same time as the husk moan. She stumbled backwards, the crew quarters opening behind her and she ended up on her backside on the floor. He guffawed and leant against the wall as he watched other crew members rush to her aid but she brushed them away. Getting to her feet she quickly left the room, returning to the restroom and picking up the husk head. Storming into the mess she went to place the head on the table but stopped and looked around. No-one saw her place the head in the fridge other than James and Joker. Satisfied Westmoreland resumed her visit to the restrooms as if nothing had happened.

James closed down his omnitool and looked up to see Kaidan and Steve staring at him, now separated by a metre of space. He grinned as he brought his tool up and sent them both the picture he'd taken before walking towards them.

'Don't pretend there's nothing going on because I'm here.' He stopped before them and looked from one to the other. 'Don't waste time we might not have.'

'There are regs about that,' Kaidan said, his eyes flicking towards Steve.

James laughed, 'you're talking to me about frat regs.' He shook his head, 'you do remember that my fiancé is the captain of this ship and my CO. I think frat regs will be the last thing anyone mentions when this is over.'

'Funny,' Kaidan moved closer to Steve, 'I said something similar to Shepard when we stole the SR-1.'

'Really Major.' Steve's voice dropped an octave and became husky. James was surprised to see Kaidan blush. 'I didn't realise you were a bad boy, stealing the Normandy.'

'I might just have to show you how bad I can be.' Kaidan raised an eyebrow and James gaped.

'Oh man. Too much information.' James covered his ears and both men laughed. 'You know, with everyone getting together this is becoming a romance ship, it would make a great story – Love amid Horror – or something like that. My mum used to love reading those books.' Steve rolled his eyes at him and James grinned.

'Come on, James,' Kaidan clapped him on the shoulder and urged him to the waiting training mats. 'Let's have some fun.'

James took up a fighting stance on the mat, 'show me what you've got, major.'

Moments later Kaidan's outstretched hand helped him get to his feet. Steve chuckled behind them and James shook his head to clear the stars from his vision.

'Sorry, James, that might have been a little unfair. But you did want to see what I've got.' Kaidan grinned and moved back to the edge of the mat. 'Let's start again shall we.'

Two hours later James had worked up a sweat. He'd been thrown, lifted and mildly reaved but he'd loved every minute of it. The hair on his neck standing up warned him so he dropped and rolled deftly to his left to avoid the biotic power Kaidan threw at him. It took him a while to realise that he could feel the static of Kaidan's biotic power, smell ozone, but once he did he could guess at what was coming and react accordingly.

'Well done.' Kaidan grinned and James frowned as the electrical energy around him increased. 'If you can watch the hands sometimes you can tell which power a biotic is using.'

'Do the asari use their hands, I thought they were powerful enough to just use their minds.'

'Matriarchs, maybe,' Kaidan shrugged as he slowly circled the mat, 'but not all asari use their biotics to their full potential, especially the younger ones.'

'So they're more interested in shaking their asses in bars.'

'Something like that, although they could probably still throw you across a room if pushed.'

Until now Kaidan had been using minimal power, going easy on him so he could get used to feeling how biotics worked. As a more powerful energy trickled across his skin James found it slightly arousing and he wondered if biotics used their power during sex.

'How does that feel?' Kaidan smirked at him, obviously guessing his train of thought.

'Better than it should.' He blushed as Kaidan laughed at him. 'So if I'm getting horny I should watch out for biotics?'

The mat met his face as he flew sideways. He groaned as he pushed to his feet and heard Steve laughing across the bay.

'Careful Mr Vega, I might get jealous.'

'So there is something going on.' James huffed a laugh and faced off with Kaidan again, watching his hands, prepared for what came next.

'Focus Vega.' Knowing Kaidan had been an instructor and seeing him in action only added to James' previous thought, definitely more than a good looking man, someone he could learn from beyond just fighting. 'Biotics can be sensual if used correctly but on the battlefield it's brute force, no tenderness involved.' As if to prove his point Kaidan flicked his fingers up and poured his power into a lift.

Before he could react James headed for the ceiling. The power running over his skin stabbing and pricking, painful and destroying any thought of pleasure. Fighting was useless. He could squirm and wriggle as much as he liked but he couldn't break the hold.

It surprised him. He'd always considered himself a large man, strong and powerful, he worked hard to maintain his muscular physique and showed his body off proudly. But Kaidan picked him up like he weighed nothing.

The major became a glowing, blue powerhouse. How hard did he have to work control that power, to not let the power control him? James had a deeper respect for the man holding him in the air, he could kill him with a snap of his fingers and yet James would trust him with his life. His feet touched the ground, power holding him steady until he found his footing.

'Dios, that was amazing.' He shook off the last tingling remnants of power. 'How do you control that shit?'

Kaidan shrugged, 'years of practice and many failures.' A shadow crossed his face but quickly passed. 'I think that's enough for today.'

'Ah, Vega, you've got … .'

'Primitives.' Javik stormed from the elevator, stopping Joker mid-sentence. 'Only primitives would find it amusing to bring such a monstrosity on board.' He held out the husk head but before James could reach out it clattered to the deck as Javik let go. His boots made short work of the head as he stomped it into the deck, grinding down with his heel until blue goo and crumpled metal from the base were all that remained. 'That is what this deserves. You should be thrown out the airlock.' He spun on his heel and left.

James gaped at the mess on the floor, only lifting his eyes when muffled sound caught his attention. Kaidan and Steve were leaning against the console, covering their mouths to hide their amusement but both gave up and laughed freely as the elevator doors closed.

'Joker, what the hell happened?' James glared at the ceiling.

'Oh, you missed some good stuff. I didn't want to distract you while you were training. Shepard would kill me if you got hurt.'

His omnitool flashed to life, Kaidan and Steve moved closer for a look as he watched the recordings. Campbell became the first victim, discovering the head in her fridge, jumping and slamming the door closed, her hand visibly shaking as she carded her hair. Before she could decide on whether to have another look Corporal Winter pushed past her and yanked on the door. He jumped back, this time only a soft squeal escaping, followed by a line of expletives as the door closed. He scowled at Campbell who held up her hands.

Something attracted their attention and they moved quickly, Campbell to the stove, Winter to the table. Javik crossed the mess and opened the fridge. The husk head screamed. Javik sent a biotic slam into the fridge, destroying everything on the shelf except the head. He growled something in prothean before pulling the head from the fridge.

'Which primitive does this belong too?' He glared at Campbell and Winter who both shook their heads. 'EDI machine, you know who owns this thing.'

James grimaced as EDI told him and Javik marched across the mess with head in hand. The rest he knew, and while it had initially been funny now he had a mess to clean up. Campbell probably wanted his real head too.

'He was rather angry at you Mr Vega,' Steve said around his laughter as he leant on Kaidan's shoulder.

'He destroyed his favourite drink, that probably upset him more,' Joker cackled over their heads. 'Lucky for you we'll be at the Citadel in a few hours and he can restock.' There was silence for a moment and James thought he'd gone, 'oh, yeah, and you'd better clean up my deck.'

Thankfully he hadn't showered after training as the blue goo splashed up his arms while cleaning up. At least Shepard would be happy the head no longer lived. Kaidan joined him in the elevator, still chuckling and James glared at him.

'Hey, you have no-one to blame but yourself.'

'Yeah,' he wiped goo off his arm as he spoke, 'this stuff is horrible.'

'You needed a shower anyway. We had a good workout.'

'Thanks for that, I learned some things today.' James watched him step out on the crew deck.

'I enjoyed it too.'

'I bet Steve did.' James grinned at the flush of the major's cheeks. 'You glowing blue and all.'

The doors closed before Kaidan could form a response. James' smile lasted until he stepped off onto their floor and widened further as he approached the door of the loft. Maybe Shepard would still be half-naked and willing to help him get clean.

'Hey, Lola.' He walked into their quarters and looked around, finding her sat on the sofa, dressed in sweatpants and her N7 hoodie, datapad in hand. 'Want to help me get clean.' He waved his blue, gooey arms at her.

'Oh no,' she said, laughing at his unhappy face. 'Joker showed me the vids, you're on your own with this one.'

'Damn, Lola,' he replied, stripping off his shirt and flexing his arms. 'You sure?'

'Shameless flirt.' She waved at the bathroom door, 'go, before I send you back to deck 3.'

James had finished washing when the door opened and Shepard stepped into the bathroom, naked and smiling.

'Thought you didn't want to help.' He swallowed hard as he looked her up and down, his cheeks burning as her eyes dropped to his growing erection.

'Didn't want to help you get clean.' She moved into the water with him, 'didn't say anything about not wanting to shower with you.' Her skin slid against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing the water droplets from his chest, nipping at a nipple, 'besides, Chakwas did order me to keep warm and I do owe you an apology.'


	70. Chapter 70

**** 70 ****

'Vega, where are you?'

'On my way back now.' Holding his precious cargo against him he turned sideways to avoid a turian not watching where he walked. 'Something wrong?'

'Shepard's back,' he could easily see Joker leaning closer to the com as his voice softened to a whisper. 'She's pissed about something. Ordered the crew back ASAP.'

'Are the restocks finished?'

'Almost.'

'I'll be there in five.'

He should have gone with her, something about the asari suddenly wanting to help didn't feel right. Shepard had insisted she'd be fine, asked him to make sure they were ready to leave. He'd left long enough to pick up something he knew she'd like but she'd beaten him back to the Normandy. She'd told the crew to take two hours to get what they needed, send message or just get off the ship for a while. They still had an hour to go.

Stepping onto the bridge he handed Joker a box, 'got what you wanted.'

'Thanks, Vega, would have taken me twice as long.'

'No problem,' he turned to EDI in the co-pilot's chair, 'EDI, normally I wouldn't ask but … .'

She stood and took his packages, 'I will take care of this for you.'

'Thanks, where is she?'

'In the briefing room.' EDI preceded him from the bridge and they parted ways in the CIC.

James didn't know what to expect but finding her leaning on the table, fists clenched at the end of rigid arms wasn't it. Her head hung between her arms as her legs stretched out behind her. Even through the glass he could see the muscles in her neck pulsing, tension radiated out and he rolled his shoulders before stepping into the room.

'Shepard?' He stopped, close enough to reach out and touch her but keeping his hands by his side. 'You okay?'

She remained quiet for a moment but she suddenly stood up and scoffed a laugh.

'Oh I'm great.' She paced the end of room. 'Why wouldn't I be? I'm the one who's going to save the galaxy, make the big bad Reapers go away so everyone can get back to their normal fucking lives.' Her voice echoed around them as she swiped a datapad off the table and James flinched as it shattered against the wall. 'I hate this fucking war. I hate having to make decisions that I shouldn't have to make. I hate losing friends, leaving people behind.' She stopped and dropped her forehead against the glass wall, closing her eyes as she splayed her fingers on the surface. 'I wish it would all go away. I wish people would stop being selfish. I wish I wasn't beating my head against ignorance, stupidity and arrogance.'

'What happened, Lola?' He moved closer, placing his hand on her shoulder and gently turning her towards him.

The fire in her eyes had dimmed to a spark and she studied his face before speaking. 'You know you're the only good thing to come out of this war. I might not have met you otherwise.'

She shook under his fingers. Her shoulders were nothing but knots and he hated whoever, or whatever, had put her in this state. Taking a deep breath she stepped into the circle of his arms and held herself against him, listening to the beat of his heart. He happily wrapped his arms around her and gave her the physical support she obviously needed. She still tired easily after meeting Leviathan and he worried that she might never get back to full strength, that she would push herself to hard. Chakwas had made it clear she needed to give herself time for both her physical and emotional well-being. He waited, feeling her hands flatten against his back, knowing she would talk to him when she was ready. It didn't take long before she stepped back and he had to let her go.

'Tevos has informed me that there is an artefact on Thessia that might help us win the war. Apparently the asari have been keeping it secret.' She propped her backside on the edge of the table and folded her arms across her chest, meeting his eyes as she spoke.

'Shit.' James ran his fingers through his hair. His instincts had been right about the asari.

'But now,' she stood up and started pacing again, waving her hands towards the windows before turning to face him, 'now, the Reapers are attacking Thessia and the all too proud asari have decided to share. And of course they expect me to pull their blue asses out of the fire.'

'What did she tell you about this artefact?'

'Absolutely, fucking nothing.' She leant on the table and dropped her head, letting it hang for a moment before pulling herself upright. 'It's in a temple of some kind and we need to go get it.'

'We could ignore it.'

'And risk the chance that it might be the Catalyst for the Crucible.'

'So Thessia then.' He sighed and reached for her hand.

'Thessia.' She scoffed a laugh, 'don't really have much choice.'

'Well the ship won't be ready to leave for at least another hour and I got us dinner.' He pulled her towards him, 'you need to eat.'

'Okay.'

He stopped and stared at her, 'who are you and what have you done with my Lola?'

She giggled and lay her head on his shoulder, 'she's realising that she needs you, that you'll look after her when she's being stubborn and a little crazy.'

'Can I get that in writing?'

'No, I can't deny it then.' She pulled him down for a kiss. 'You said something about dinner.'

'Yeah,' he led her towards the door, 'I think you'll like it.'

The moment they stepped into their quarters her mood lifted. She closed her eyes and sniffed, a smile pushing out the earlier anger and frustration. Opening her eyes she tilted her head to look at him.

'You went to Charlies.'

'Yep,' he led her down the steps, 'so did half the crew. I think you've given away your secret, couldn't move there were so many people there. Good thing I called ahead.'

'It's good food.' She pulled the boxes from the warmer and laid them out while he pulled out plates. 'Sounds like Rio, although I must have gone there on a quiet day the first time. Got that way there were no empty seats in the place. But Stan and Charlie always made space for me,' she leaned in as if telling him a secret. 'I think they felt sorry for me.'

'Well I'm glad you found them and that Charlie came to the Citadel. I never really tried noodles before I met you.' He helped himself to a plate, piling the noodles high before digging in. 'I always stuck to food the family cooked, a mix of flavours that tasted good. But this is better.' He dropped his voice to a whisper, 'I hope my abuela isn't listening.'

'She sounds special.'

'Yeah. She died a month before I turned fifteen, spent a lot of time in her kitchen as a kid. She never said anything about being sick, didn't want to be a burden.'

'I'm sorry, James,' she reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze.

'I'm good, it was a long time ago now.'

They were quiet as they ate but eventually work had to come up.

'Did you check out the info from Liara, the missing commandos they want us to find?' The narrowing of her eyes didn't surprise him.

'Yes, something else the asari can't do for themselves. I sometimes wonder why they're considered smart. Let's face it, they spend over a hundred years shaking their asses for the world to see. Seems like a waste to me.' She shrugged and refilled her plate.

'What you didn't rebel when you were a teenager?'

'No, but my teen years were a little different from most, maybe if I'd still been on Mindoir. There was this boy that wanted me to sneak out to meet him. I did think about it but there wasn't much chance for anything to happen.'

'Shit Shepard, I'm sorry.'

'Like you said, it's a long time ago.'

'Captain, the crew is back and we're good to go whenever you say so.' Joker spoke over their heads.

'So,' she grinned and shrugged as James shook his head at her.

'What?' Joker didn't catch on as quick.

'Never mind,' she said with a laugh. 'Get us to Lessus, the asari have lost commandos and want us to find them.'

'Aye, aye.'

'Briefing in 30 minutes and make sure Liara attends.'

'I will let everyone know.'

They finished eating and took a moment for themselves. James sat back and Shepard curled up against him, her head resting on his chest and her arm around his waist. Her hair tickled his nose so he turned his head and flattened it with his cheek, closing his eyes and savouring their time together. There were fewer and fewer moments like this.

'Promise me we'll do a lot more of this when this war is over.'

'I promise,' he tightened his arms around her, 'every day and every night. Hell, every chance we get.' He lifted his head as she moved so she could look at him.

'I am so thankful Anderson put us together, that I have you, that we had this time together.' She brushed his face softly, nothing but warmth in her eyes and yet he shivered. It felt like goodbye.

'We'll have lots more time when we win this damn war.' He cupped her face, her skin smooth and silky under his fingers. 'You'd better believe I'm going to be there, with you, by your side all the way to the end and beyond waiting for you.'

'I know,' she leaned up and kissed him. 'I love you James Vega and I want to marry you.'

'Damn straight,' he pulled her head back against his chest, his fingers carding her hair as his eyes burned and his vision blurred. 'You're not getting out of it now, Andy.'

'Not even going to try.' She lay there a moment longer before sighing and sitting up. 'Guess we'd better get downstairs.'

Standing he held out his hand, wrapping his fingers around hers as she took it and he pulled her up. She came to rest against his chest, her hands warm through his shirt. If he had his way they would stay in this room, not go and face the next dilemma, the next thing they had to do to win the war. He wanted to keep her protected and safe, happy in his arms, fill her life with good things instead of horrors and a possible bullet. It was a dream, one he clung to, that gave him hope.

'Back to work, Lola.'

He kissed the top of her head before she stepped back and led them out of the room and into the desperate chase for answers that had become their life. Minutes later they stood side by side in the briefing room, the rest of the team gathered around the table.

'Okay,' Shepard began, looking at them in turn, 'apparently the asari have lost some commandos and need us to find them. They also have some secret artefact that might help us with the war that they have finally decided to tell us about. But of course the Reapers are attacking Thessia so we have to fight our way to a temple to retrieve it.' She stared at Liara before adding, 'questions?'

'Which one are we doing first?' Garrus leant against the wall, his arms folded across his chest.

She'd already made her decision but James knew she would hear the team out, take their suggestions on board.

'I say forget the commandos and go for the artefact, it is the more important of the two.' Javik suggested.

'Can we do both,' Kaidan looked at the faces around him, 'we have enough to put two teams together.'

'But only one would have the Normandy to pick them up,' James pointed out. 'If one team gets into trouble there will be no-one to help them out.'

'I'd say forget both of them,' Shepard said, sighing and running her hands through her hair.

'Shepard, we have to help.' Liara pleaded, her hands digging into the surface of the table.

'Do we?' Shepard glared at her. 'Why? Your people have known about this artefact since the war started, fuck, probably long before that. They kept it a secret, knowing it could possibly help and only now that their planet is under attack to they deem it prudent to share.' She paced the area at the end of the table and James moved to give her room. 'Did you know about this?'

'No, I had no idea. I'm not even sure which temple they're talking about.'

'How come?' Shepard stopped pacing, folded her arms across her chest and met Liara's puzzled stare. 'You're the Shadow Broker, you have this giant network, fair enough it's been reduced by the war, but you should have known about this before. Or are your people that good at keeping secrets?'

'I believe the asari has been too focussed on the Crucible,' Javik commented softly and Liara glared at him.

'It's important, we need to know what it does.'

'Yes it is,' Shepard agreed, 'but Hackett has people working on it. I relied on you for information that would help us win this war, something other than the Crucible, but you haven't given me much so far.'

'I think we're getting a little off topic,' Kaidan interrupted.

'You're right,' Shepard dropped her arms and leant on the table. 'Commandos first, they might still be alive and can help on Thessia.' She took a deep breath and James moved back beside her, convinced she delayed on Thessia out of spite. She gave him a half smile before looking across the table. 'Liara, what can you tell me about Lessus.'

'There's not much information about it in my databases, for some reason it's hidden.'

'More secrets,' Shepard whispered.

Liara continued, 'I did find one reference that mentions an Ardat Yakshi monastery being built there.'

Shepard tensed and James heard her sudden intake of breath. His eyes dropped to her face, finding it pale, except for her lip where it sat between her teeth.

'Like Morinth?'

'Yes, but if they're living in a monastery I would assume they have chosen a different path.' Liara explained. 'Not all of them choose to follow their baser needs.'

'What's an Ardat Yakshi?' Kaidan beat James by a fraction of a second.

'They're asari vampires,' Shepard scoffed, 'they suck the life out of their victims by mating with them.'

'So they're like a black widow spider,' James mused.

'Beautiful, seductive black widows.' She shook her arms and straightened up. 'One was bad enough, a whole monastery of these things … .' She visibly shivered and moved closer to him.

'Wait a minute,' he looked from Shepard to Garrus, 'wasn't that the asari you went after on Omega while you were after the Collectors. Didn't you have another asari on board … a Justicar, or something like that.'

'Samara,' Garrus nodded. 'Morinth was her daughter. Shepard acted as bait, which didn't work out too well.'

'It didn't go to plan, no.'

'What went wrong?' James flicked his eyes between them.

'Morinth turned out to be more powerful than I expected.'

'You were too tired to take on that mission, Shepard.' The anger in Garrus' voice told James there was more to this story.

'I was fine.'

'No you weren't,' the turian moved to the table, planted his hands on its surface and leaned towards them. 'You should have told Samara to wait. You didn't have the physical or emotional strength to deal with her. Damn it Shepard, and now you're going to do it again.' He pushed off the table and paced the end of the room. 'Last time you'd just fought the Yahg, taken down the Shadow Broker, you weren't over the injuries from that.' He glanced at Liara who kept her eyes down. 'This time it's Leviathan. This time you might not be so lucky.'

James had never seen Garrus so concerned and it made him nervous. Shepard didn't argue with him either, which had his stomach doing flip flops and his fingers rolled into fists.

'I won't be alone this time,' Shepard reminded him but Garrus continued to pace.

'No, you won't,' James agreed and her eyes flicked towards him. 'You don't need to go at all, we can handle it.'

'Why would the asari send commandos to a monastery?' Kaidan broke the tension in the room.

'Perhaps to destroy these abominations,' Javik said as he waved his hand in the air. 'They do not sound like they deserve to live. The asari should never have allowed them too.'

'Are you suggesting we should have killed them at birth?' Liara stared at him through wide eyes.

'It would have been more efficient.'

'We don't know they're Ardat Yakshi at birth.'

'They should have been disposed of when they manifested then.'

'That's … .'

'Enough.' Shepard took back control. 'We'll find out what's going on when we get there. We have to be prepared for anything.' She looked at the ceiling, 'Joker, ETA?'

'About an hour, and a heads up, we picked up multiple Reaper signals as we passed through the Athena Nebula. Getting back to Thessia might not be easy.'

'Noted.' Shepard blew out a breath, 'I want everyone ready for this one, just in case. Dismissed.'

James waited until everyone had left before taking her arm and pulling her towards him. She willingly accepted his embrace which terrified him. Garrus was right, she was too tired to take on this mission.

'We can do this, Lola. You don't have to go down there.' He rested his chin on her head as she shook it.

'What happens if you get into trouble and I could have helped. I'll never forgive myself.'

'We're all soldiers, Lola, we can take care of ourselves.'

'I know but … .'

'You're a control freak,' he laughed as she hit him playfully on the arm. 'How about we compromise, take a bigger team.'

She leaned back and looked at him, 'we could do that, we've done it before.'

'So, who goes with?'

'You, Kaidan, Garrus. Leave Tali, Javik and Liara in reserve.'

'Sounds good,' he nodded and they parted. 'Guess we'd better get into gear.'

'After you,' she stepped aside and waved him past.

'You like watching my ass as I walk away,' he leaned down and kissed her.

'You bet I do.'

He stepped in front of her, taking a few steps with an exaggerated swing of his hips but couldn't keep it up.

'I like watching you more,' he grabbed her shoulders as she moaned at him and moved her in front of him.

'That's cheating.' She groused but turned and walked away a more sexy swing in her hips than he managed.

He groaned and ran after her as she reached the doorway, running his hand over her ass.

'Much nicer view.' The door to the CIC opened stopping her response but she glared at him and James grinned.

'I'll get you later.'

'I look forward to it.'

'Captain,' Traynor put a stop to their movements. 'Admiral Anderson is available on the QEC.'

Shepard ran before Traynor finished, James on her heels. A figure shimmered into view as they entered the QEC room and Shepard came to a dead stop. James caught himself before he knocked her over but he heard the choked sob as she stared at the man before them.

'Anderson.' The sound of her voice stirred her to move and she stepped up to the console. 'It's so good to see you.'

'You too, Shepard, James.'

'You look like shit, sir,' Shepard laughed as Anderson scowled at her.

'You should have seen me last week. At least I had a shower yesterday.' He let out a sigh and visibly relaxed. 'Damn you two are a sight for sore eyes.'

'What the hell were you thinking, putting yourself in the line of fire?'

James scrunched his face and waited for Anderson to pull her up but he simply shook his head.

'You do remember I'm an Admiral, right?'

'You're also my friend, the closest thing I've got to a father, and you scared the shit out of me.' She reached for James hand and he gave it willingly. Her grip strong but shaky as she tried to control her emotions.

'It all worked out in the end, besides, a lot has happened since then.'

James stood by her side as Anderson told them about Earth and how they were coping. She needed this, he needed this, to know that there were still others fighting, holding out. At the same time though it made it much more obvious that they needed to get back to Earth, before they had no Earth to get back to.


	71. Chapter 71

**** 71 ****

Kaidan crossing the mess grabbed James' attention as he restocked his supply of MREs for the next mission. He'd taken to carrying a couple of extra for those times when the half a dozen Kaidan had weren't enough. As he watched him enter the medbay he sent a message on his omnitool. He had no doubt Kaidan would need someone when he came out.

He placed his palms on the counter, dropped his head and closed his eyes. Their conversation with Anderson had been hard – to say the least. They were still alive and fighting – that passed for good news. But it came with bad too - part of the bad being the reason Kaidan sat in the medbay with Dr Chakwas. Shepard had insisted either she or the doctor delivered the news of his father, seeing that Shepard stayed in medbay he guessed it was both. He looked up to find Steve walking towards him, a puzzled stare creasing his brow. Before either of them could speak the medbay doors opened.

James had never seen Kaidan so pale, his normally olive skin pasty white with a sheen of moisture. He could see his hands shaking and he stopped, as if unsure where to go. He ignored everything around him as his eyes closed and he stretched out his arm to lean on the wall. Steve didn't hesitate.

'Kaidan, what's wrong? Are you okay?'

Kaidan raised his head, his eyes filled with tears. 'No … no, I'm not.' He reached for Steve's hand and accepted his support as they headed for the starboard observation lounge.

Shepard appeared beside James at that moment and pushed her way under his arm. Pulling her in close he buried his nose in her hair and inhaled the scent of her.

'That had to be hard.'

'It sucked. Delivering bad news is always hard but this … it's the most difficult thing I've ever done.' She tightened her grip on him, trembling as she fought tears. 'His father doesn't deserve to be tortured and Kaidan shouldn't have to deal with it. I hate this war. I hate fucking Cerberus and I hate the Reapers.'

'Don't we all. Maybe Stokes was right, maybe we shouldn't have told him until things were a bit clearer.'

He rubbed his hand up and down her arm and her sigh blew warm air across his chest as they stood silent with their own thoughts. Stokes had changed, that became clear in the five minutes they had to talk. Not a good change going by the hardness in his voice and James thanked gods he didn't believe in that Stokes had Tracy to keep him grounded.

'No, I think he needs to be prepared for the worst, as cruel as that sounds.' She lifted her head to look at him, 'I assume you called Steve.'

'Yeah, figured he might need someone.' He watched as Westmoreland settled at the table, a book from the collection in starboard obs in her hand. 'I think he also needs quarters that are a little more private.'

'Everyone knows he's living in there.'

'But they still go in there, the ship library is in there, it's not off limits and it probably should be. He's an officer on this ship and is supposed to have his own quarters.'

'The Normandy wasn't designed that way but you're right. Come up with a plan and we'll make it happen.' She buried her head in his chest again, 'I guess it's too late to throw Liara out of the XO's quarters.'

'But they would be mine if I wasn't sharing yours,' he reminded her and she hummed in response. 'Still wouldn't work.'

'Guess so,' she pulled back and straightened up. 'We'd better get mission ready.'

'Already on it,' he picked up his collection of ration bars. 'Is Kaidan coming with?'

'I think so, I'll give him some time and ask him. He might need it.'

'I'll see you below then.' He kissed her lightly and forced himself to leave.

* * *

James sat alongside Shepard in the shuttle as the vidscreen shut down, Liara's last minute additional information didn't make this mission any easier. Destroying a monastery seemed way over the top to him.

Soft conversation between Steve and Kaidan carried from the cockpit and Garrus sat opposite, his eyes on Shepard. She sat forward, her elbows on her knees, one hand clenched into a fist and the other wrapped around it. He didn't need to see beneath her gloves to know that her skin would be white, he could feel the tension rolling off her. Something else had been eating at her since speaking to Anderson but they were on mission and she needed to focus.

'How is Anderson?' Garrus asked but she remained quiet.

'Coping,' James answered, shifting slightly moving closer to her. 'He's got his hands full dealing with survivors while trying to fight a war.'

'He's the best person for the job,' Garrus said, releasing a sigh and moving his gaze back to Shepard who hadn't moved or made a sound. He glanced back to James who shook his head.

'So, tell me about these asari we're going to find, these Ardat Yakshi.'

'They suck out your soul and eat it.' Shepard sat up, her armour thumping against the seat, 'just like the Alliance apparently.'

'I don't – .' Garrus started.

'I gave them my life and they left me looking like a bumbling crazy idiot,' she shrugged, glaring at him, 'seems the same to me.'

'Shepard - .'

'What?' The searing glance she gave him almost made him flinch. 'Ignore the fact that someone was preparing, that they believed me but didn't want me to know, that they wanted me look like a fool. How am I supposed to feel about that?'

The conversation with Anderson had been bittersweet. Knowing he lived had brightened her mood considerably, until he told her about the bunker. She had visibly deflated, her shoulders rounding and her head dropping. Maybe he thought it would help knowing someone had believed her. It didn't.

The months she'd spent trying to convince those in charge became a comedy of epic proportions in her eyes. She'd been beating herself up trying to save them all, when in reality someone somewhere knew the truth. They just hadn't told her, or anyone else apparently. The idea that she looked and sounded crazy as she fought to make them understand bit deep. Someone could have helped her, stopped others from thinking she'd become a raving lunatic. They hadn't. They'd left her to the wolves and that hurt.

'You weren't the only one who didn't know.'

'Yeah, funny about that. I wonder who decided on the need to know list.' She looked away and stared at the floor. 'There are too many secrets costing lives.'

Garrus' questioning shrug forced James to explain. 'Anderson found an Alliance bunker, set up to deal with the Reapers, stocked with food and medical supplies, full QEC conference facilities, shuttles, weapons and accommodations for around two thousand people. No-one knew about it.'

'You left out the best part,' Shepard waved her hand in the air and James winced at the pain in her voice. 'Cerberus got there first.'

James watched her stand and start pacing as Kaidan appeared in the doorway beside him.

'How did Cerberus know if Anderson didn't?' Kaidan moved to sit beside Garrus.

If it wasn't for the haunted look in his eyes James would never know he'd had bad news. He could only imagine his pain which no doubt forced the need to keep busy. Being on the mission could help with that and Kaidan wouldn't have let them down by leaving them a man short, even when they could have brought someone else. His dedication to his duty, while admirable, left James hoping it didn't get him killed.

'That's an interesting question, the Reapers are apparently indoctrinating those in the know.' She clenched and unclenched her fists and kept pacing. 'But that's not the best part. Because Cerberus is now under the control of an indoctrinated idiot they planted a Reaper artefact down there, brought in survivors and turned them into monsters. Anderson's teams had to kill them all.' She dropped into her seat, 'all those people could have been saved if Anderson had known about the bunker earlier.'

'We don't know that,' James reminded her, just as Anderson had during their conversation.

'Guess we never will either.'

The Alliance had a lot to answer for. Not only had they ignored her warnings for years, then made her look like a war criminal, but they had added more deaths to those she felt responsible for. It was a burden of her own making, he hated what it did to her but she couldn't help being the compassionate person he loved.

Noticing Kaidan's balled hands he corrected himself. Cerberus and the Alliance had a lot to answer for, and he would do his best to see that they did.

'ETA five minutes,' Cortez called from the cockpit.

'Let's do this,' Shepard unlocked her assault rifle and rolled her shoulders.

'Liara said the asari want this place destroyed Shepard,' Garrus stood up with her, releasing his own weapon from its holder. 'Is that our plan?'

'I want to find out what happened here first, I'm not trusting anything I don't see with my own eyes at this point.'

James waited until a soft bounce told them the shuttle had landed. Standing and pulling his rifle from his back he stood beside Shepard as Kaidan opened the hatch and he and Garrus jumped out. He gently grabbed Shepard's arm as she went to move forward.

'You don't have to do this. You could stay here with Steve and come in if we need you.'

'Actually, I need to do this.' She turned her arm so she could take his hand. 'I'm fine.' She gave him a smile that didn't convince him but he accepted her word.

He followed her out, forcing down his concern to focus on the mission. If anyone could handle fighting while distracted Shepard would. Recognising and dealing with her ability came easier and, as much as he hated doing it, turning off his emotions like she did worked faster the more he did it. It never occurred to him that he became more like her every day.

'Shepard, this car is still warm, someone hasn't been here long.' Kaidan said as they joined him and Garrus beside a parked vehicle.

'Keep your guard up,' she led them towards the entry where they discovered the elevator missing. 'Guess we're doing this the hard way.'

Leaning over to peer into the deep, dark shaft made James' skin crawl. Wisps of cold air floated across his face and he shivered. Running back to the shuttle became a temptation almost too good to resist. They were two levels down when they heard the first blood curdling scream.

'Shit, banshee.' James cursed, the sound like nails on a chalkboard making him shudder. 'I hate those things.'

'Well this just got a whole lot more interesting,' Garrus muttered.

'Not the word I'd use,' Kaidan muttered and James agreed.

'Focus people,' Shepard jumped across the opening to the first open floor.

Their breath fogged before them as they stepped into what he assumed was a large hall. Their flashlights did little to drive away the darkness, reflecting off surfaces or fading into shadows as they slowly worked their way forward. The back of his neck tingled as hair stood erect and James couldn't fight the feeling they were being watched. Something bouncing on the floor had him spinning and dropping into a crouch. His light fell on Kaidan who shrugged and pointed at a piece of broken furniture with his light.

'Sorry, I um, tripped.'

Letting out a soft sigh James stood and moved closer to Shepard who led them further into the dark. Active computer terminals cast eerie glows, enticing circles of light to brighten their way and give them some idea of daily life in an Ardat Yakshi monastery. He found it odd that they lived normal lives, took classes, watched movies, played games and generally behaved just like anyone else. He'd expected them to be different, some kind of monster that didn't live by their standards.

They'd done a circuit of the area and were heading towards a lighter doorway when they found the first bodies. James double checked the cannibals, kicking them roughly as Kaidan picked up a datapad lying beside an asari commando.

'Reapers,' Garrus stated the obvious.

'Explains why the commandos never called in,' James glanced at the asari on the floor.

'Yeah, but why are they here?' Shepard turned to Kaidan, 'anything?'

'Nav point for a bomb. It's somewhere called The Great Hall.'

'Damn, seems they were serious about destroying this place,' James kept his eyes towards the dark, convinced they weren't alone.

'Yeah, but evacuating this place would have saved lives,' Shepard lifted her rifle and moved towards the door. 'Ardat Yakshi or not. Let's go find that bomb.'

Stepping through a hacked door Shepard stopped. A muffled sound below had them all tensing and James gripped his rifle tighter. Creeping forward a tingle ran through him and beside him Kaidan visibly shivered. Biotics, powerful biotics. They reached the balcony railing as a thud sounded and a cannibal's body hit the floor.

'Very good, I almost didn't hear you.'

James gaped and Kaidan cleared his throat as the asari below came into view. An aura of blue surrounded her and she wore armour of sorts. How something that revealing could provide protection James had no clue, but damn if it wasn't sexy. Maybe the low cut and obvious cleavage aimed to distract, if so it certainly worked. Shepard's voice pulled him back to the mission at hand.

'Samara?' She leaned on the rail and looked down, stowing her rifle. James lowered his but kept his grip firm.

'You are a most welcome sight, Shepard. The corruption here runs deep.'

Her voice made him want to do whatever she asked and as Kaidan shifted beside him he knew he wasn't the only one thinking that. It didn't seem to affect Shepard or Garrus and that puzzled him.

'What brings a Justicar out here?' Garrus asked as he moved closer to the edge.

So, this was the asari Shepard had worked with to bring down the Collectors. The reports had mentioned her power but being in the same room with her James decided what he'd read had been an understatement.

'My daughters have lived here for centuries, Garrus. I have come for them.' She glanced around at the bodies on the floor. 'Unfortunately the Reapers had already infested this place by the time I arrived.'

Shepard straightened and pulled in a loud breath, 'are they anything like Morinth?'

'No, Falere and Rila have followed the monastery's rules, showing no inclination towards violence.'

'And you're here to save them?'

James threw a puzzled look at Shepard, the doubt in her voice alerting him that things might not be as they seemed.

'They are my responsibility,' Samara dropped her head and the sadness in her tone affected James more than he liked. 'They cannot be abandoned, even as the galaxy crumbles.'

'We can work together,' Shepard suggested.

James didn't like that idea. If these asari were as dangerous as Shepard made them out and Samara had to pick a side would she side with them or against them. She had hunted down her other daughter but these two were not monsters like her – so she said. Taking on three powerful asari wouldn't be easy but he trusted Shepard and she obviously believed they could do this.

A banshee scream sounded and as one they readied weapons. The hair on James neck jumped to life as Samara flared blue, the hum of her power making him shudder. Kaidan sucked in a breath but nodded when James looked at him, the slight hint of blue around him a response to Samara's biotics. What would it be like, to have a power like that, be able to use it for pleasure or pain? He had no time to ponder it as Shepard had them on the move.

Stopping long enough to check a commandos body James picked up a datapad with a final message to her lover. He swallowed hard and heard the others shift around him as it played. A dying message designed to give peace when they obviously hadn't parted on good terms. It made him very aware that he needed to make sure his last message to Shepard told her how much he loved her. Looking up he met her eyes. She knew it - didn't mean he couldn't tell her one more time.

'Let's move,' she took the datapad and slipped it into her armour. 'We'll make sure this gets delivered.'

'Why would the Reapers want to wipe out a monastery?' He asked, thinking out loud as they stepped through a door into a large open area. 'What makes asari nuns a priority target?'

'I'm not seeing any strategic value in this place,' Garrus agreed.

'This is a huge place,' Kaidan stepped forward and looked out over the balcony. 'There must have been hundreds, maybe thousands living here.'

'So where is everyone?' James looked down at what appeared to be a garden area that would have been nice at any other time. Now it became the perfect hiding place for enemy troops.

'Good question,' Shepard led them down the steps.

His skin prickled and his goose bumps had goose bumps as a scream made his ears ring. 'Banshee.' He dived for cover as everyone else scattered away from the grotesque creature that floated towards them.

'Kaidan, Garrus work on its barriers. James hit it with everything you've got.' Shepard yelled orders as she sent out turrets and drones to distract it.

'You got it, Shepard,' James watched the banshee, waiting for the moment when it readied its charge, anticipating its direction, which would be towards the closest target. 'Kaidan, move.'

He lobbed a grenade at the spot where Kaidan had been just as the banshee arrived. It did little to affect it but gave it a moments pause which allowed the others to bring down it's barriers. The instant they did James lobbed another grenade and sent out a carnage blast. With Kaidan's reave and Shepard's incinerate that left it defenceless for Garrus to hit it with a concussive blast. Forming a semi-circle and moving in they used weapons and powers together. Within seconds the banshee ended up as a steaming heap.

'Now that's what I call fun,' James laughed as they allowed themselves a pat on the back.

It didn't last though as shots hit their shields and they once again dived for cover as multiple cannibals descended on their position.

 


	72. Chapter 72

  **** 72 ****

James enjoyed having an extra experienced and trusted soldier watching his six, it made taking down husks and cannibals so much easier and quicker. Maybe he could convince Shepard to take four on every mission.

Kaidan hacked the door that blocked their progress but Shepard stepped through ahead of them all. James almost crashed into her as she stopped dead. At the bottom of the stairs an asari in a white flowing dress fought off a cannibal and from the way Shepard glared at the asari he guessed they'd come upon an Ardat Yakshi. Slowly she moved down the steps, her rifle raised.

A flash of blue and tingling across his skin made him stop. Raw power tugged at him, made him want to be closer, left an itch that needed to be scratched and he fought down an aching need to have that power envelop him. Samara dropped into view, making short work of the cannibal before turning to the asari.

'Mother, you came.'

Yep, an Ardat Yakshi. Shepard kept her distance and he stepped up beside her, noticing Garrus did the same on the other side, Kaidan stayed a little to their rear. Samara introduced Falere and James didn't miss the way Shepard's eyes narrowed. Something about the asari set James' teeth on edge, a sense of wrongness that made his stomach churn. Like the time he found a rotting body in an alley, the smell of dead flesh left a sour taste in his mouth that brought bile up into his throat. He swallowed hard, forcing down the burning urge to retch.

Falere grew impatient as Samara spoke and Shepard stepped back quickly as she went to move past them. He saw Samara flick a glance at Shepard and her face softened, she understood and put herself between her daughter and Shepard. It became obvious though that Falere had no interest in anyone or anything other than getting to her sister.

'What are the Reapers doing here?' Shepard interrupted their conversation.

It happened so fast James had no chance of stopping it. Falere moved towards Shepard who brought her rifle up and held it against the asari's chest. Falere looked down at the weapon before raising her eyes to meet Shepard's, who tightened her hold on her gun, her finger on the trigger.

'Shepard, please,' Samara placed her hand on Shepard's shoulder. 'Falere will not hurt you.'

She ignored her long enough for him to be worried and he let out a silent breath when she stepped back and lowered her gun. But her eyes never left Falere, who continued on her path, stopping before a banshee corpse.

'This is why the Reapers are here. They're harvesting us, turning us into those … monsters.'

'So the Ardat Yakshi aren't responsible for the attack?' James had never heard Shepard sound so cold.

'What? Why would we do that?' Falere glanced around, 'this is our home. The one place where Ardat Yakshi can achieve peace.'

'Falere speaks the truth, Shepard.' Samara watched her carefully. 'I vouch for her words, with pride.'

Shepard stayed silent for a long moment, her eyes unfocused and her face void of emotion. James opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it.

'We'd better find Rila and get to the Great Hall, that's where the commandos left a bomb.'

'A bomb.' Falere's eyes narrowed and she leant towards Shepard. 'Didn't you come to rescue people?'

'We'll try but we can't let the Reapers have this place.'

'You sound like the commandos,' Falere leaned closer and Shepard backed up, her gun lifting. 'They didn't stop to help anyone - .'

'Falere.' The warning in Samara's voice made James flinch and Falere stop.

'I'm sorry,' Falere said, before turning and jumping over the balcony rail.

As one they rushed to the edge, just in time to see her disappearing into the shadows, the glow of her biotics lingering behind. Samara followed, gliding gently to the ground, not stopping as Shepard called out.

'We'll meet you in the Great Hall.' Shepard looked down over the rail before glancing at Kaidan. 'Could you learn to do that?'

'Not in the next ten minutes.' The biotic looked over the rail and James snorted a laugh.

'Let's go.' Shepard's lighter tone had James sharing a relieved look with Garrus.

Working their way through the rooms they brought down a banshee and cannibals with an ease that could easily make them complacent. Biotic explosions, tech assaults and weapons fire created an impressive show of light and sound. James had to remind himself that these enemies were powerful, deadly, and wanted to wipe them from the face of the galaxy.

Entering the Great Hall instantly put James on guard. Falere said the creatures had taken Rila, but there were none to be seen. Glancing into shadows and around corners they worked their way forward to the large bomb at the end of the room. Falere fought to wake her sister who lay on the ground alongside it. Kaidan examined the ordinance, avoiding the three asari as Samara tried to convince Falere that she couldn't help Rila.

She wouldn't listen though and James found it hard to believe that she could be so naive. After everything she'd seen and fought through to get here how could she think otherwise? Even after Rila pinned her to the wall with her hands around her neck Falere refused to accept it. They were going to have a problem, James had no doubt about that.

'Can we set off that bomb?' Shepard looked to Kaidan who shook his head.

'Not without a detonator.'

'Find it.'

James didn't miss the breath Shepard blew out as she moved away from the bomb and the asari and while she didn't relax the creases in her forehead disappeared. From the moment their boots had touched ground she'd been on edge but now the end was in sight and it seemed to ease her tension.

The scream of a banshee and the moan of husks sent shivers down James' spine. Cursing he dived for cover, realising the futility of it as the banshees jumped across the room. They would have to keep moving. Kaidan and Garrus made short work of the husks as he and Shepard concentrated on a banshee, working their way around the room to keep it busy. A grunt of pain caught his attention and he saw Kaidan struggling to keep his footing as he slipped in the gore from the husks. The other banshee moved towards him but Kaidan wasn't looking.

James yelled as he dashed across the room, collecting Kaidan as he passed, and the two of them rolled across the floor just as the banshee reached for the biotic. Scrambling to their feet they dashed up the stairs and took shelter outside Samara's barrier. James glared at the blue dome, an asari as powerful as her would make short work of the enemy but it seemed only her daughters warranted her help.

'Thanks,' Kaidan said between gasping for breath.

'No problem,' James grinned as he reloaded his shotgun. 'Esteban would kill me if I let anything happen to you.' He moved off before Kaidan could reply.

Only one banshee remained. With Garrus and Shepard on one side of the room and Kaidan and James on the other it didn't stand a chance. They were moving back to the bomb as its dying screams faded into silence.

'We need to set off that bomb.' Shepard stopped as Rila got to her feet, instantly raising her rifle as the asari moved towards her sister.

At any other time it would have been a touching moment to watch one sister protect the other, to listen as she gave her own life so one of them could live. The detonator in her hand a sign that they needed to leave. Could they trust her to set off the bomb if she'd already begun to change? They had to take that chance. But Falere refused to leave and James swore silently as she tried to hang on.

Samara, Kaidan and Garrus were already on their way to the elevator, leaving Falere to argue with Rila. He saw Shepard hesitate and for a moment he thought she would leave them to their fate, if their mother could so could she, but it wasn't how she did things. Her jaw clenched as she stormed forward and grabbed Falere, dragging her towards the elevator. But the asari fought her all the way and she went to turn in Shepard's arms as the sound of banshees filled the room. Anger and frustration fuelled James' rage as he charged to where Falere struggled in Shepard's grip. No way in hell would he let any of them die in this place because of one asari, not this time.

'Go, Lola, I've got this.'

He picked up Falere, ignoring her struggles as he tossed her over his shoulder. The tingle of biotics made his skin come alive, as if thousands of ants crawled beneath his armour, but the relief in Shepard's eyes gave him the reason to deal with it. Something dark pricked at the back of his mind but he pushed it out, took the last few steps to safety and dropped the asari on the ground, not the least bit concerned if he hurt her. Behind him Shepard closed the door and got the elevator moving.

'No.' Falere jumped to her feet quicker than anyone expected and pounded on the door.

Shepard hurriedly moved to the back of the elevator, joining the rest of the team. Her rifle raised and the tension in her hands and jaw warned that it wouldn't take much for her to pull the trigger. The doors opened on the upper level and James let out a silent sigh of relief. The ground shuddered and thick black smoke rose as the Great Hall became nothing but rubble. How the rest of the monastery fared James didn't care to find out.

Unfortunately it wasn't over yet. He watched in disbelief as Samara spoke to her daughter before holding a pistol to her head. _What the hell?_ These people were nuts. They'd just risked their lives to get them out and now she intended to end it anyway. Of course she couldn't be allowed to commit suicide, not on Shepard's watch. He readied himself for a fight as she struggled with Samara, noticing that Garrus and Kaidan had moved into defensive positions to his right and left.

The knife edge dug in deep as they balanced on it, the tension smothering as it settled around them. One wrong move and hell would come visiting. Falere shattered the mood, breaking it into a thousand pieces as she calmly explained that she didn't need a building to live by her own code, to have a home.

James flicked a glance at Shepard. He could relate to that. She visibly sagged as Samara accepted her daughter's words and all he wanted to do was get them back to the ship. He'd had enough of asari, their beliefs and their hidden secrets. Knowing their next mission also revolved around asari secrets had him grinding his teeth. He'd had enough of the asari – full stop.

'Cortez, we need a pick up.' Shepard's voice in his ear dragged him out of his thoughts.

'Roger that, I'll just follow the smoke.'

A collective sigh echoed around the shuttle as it lifted off. Beside him Shepard trembled, he could see it in her hands as she locked her fingers together, he could feel it in her leg as her thigh rested against his. This mission had shaken her up, brought back unpleasant memories. She'd never spoken about the mission with Samara, about why Ardat Yakshi terrified her. He wanted to ask but he didn't want to cause her more pain. She reached for his hand and he raised his eyes to meet hers.

'You okay, Lola?'

'Yeah, glad that mission's over though.'

'Was anyone else - what is it you humans say – creeped out by that place?' Garrus stretched out his legs and dropped his head back against the bulkhead.

'What, you didn't like stumbling around in the dark, or admiring the asari architecture?' Kaidan spoke from the cockpit before appearing in the doorway. 'You have to admit, the place looked nice.'

'Yeah, if you like sharing space with the asari version of vampires.' Shepard scoffed and Garrus lifted his head to look at her.

'Vampires?'

'Undead humans who drink your blood, suck the life out of you.'

'Don't know about the place but their biotics were … wrong.' James frowned as he tried to explain.

'Yeah, I've never felt biotics as strong and there was something off about them.' Kaidan agreed.

'I didn't feel anything,' Shepard looked at Garrus who shook his head. 'Must just be human males who were attracted.' She raised an eyebrow as she turned to him and James chuckled.

'Remember those tunnels on Ilos?' Kaidan sat beside Garrus. 'Now those were creepy. All those dead Protheans … definitely had that, we're being watched, feeling about it.'

'You should see the inside of a Collector ship.' James said, Shepard and Garrus both nodded. 'It's like being in some sort of insect hive.'

'But they look just as bad from the outside,' Garrus said. 'Joker told me they reminded him of human excrement.'

'Shit, Garrus,' Joke spoke over their heads. 'They were Shit Ships in Space.' No-one said anything but they were all trying not to laugh. 'What, you can't tell me they didn't look like it.'

'What about those creeper things on Feros.' Kaidan gave up hiding his amusement, 'now they were slimy and horrible - and the smell.'

'Ugh, don't remind me,' Shepard visibly shuddered. 'Took me forever to get their guts out of my armour.'

'And the Thorian that controlled them all.' Garrus reminded them.

'Wasn't that a plant?' James looked to Kaidan for confirmation.

'A damn big one,' he laughed and glanced at Shepard. 'I remember you saying we'd need bigger guns.'

'I was right.'

'And the thresher maw on Tuchanka, I've never seen anyone take one down on foot before.' Garrus said.

'The Rachni and those exploding eggs with the bugs inside.' James laughed and shook his head. 'You take us to all the nicest places, Lola.'

'Hey, at least you get to discover new things.'

'Like how to get rid of the smell of rotten flesh.' Kaidan's nose wrinkled at the memory.

'How to dodge acid shots from thresher maws.' Garrus added.

'It's all useful stuff.'

'Damn right, Lola. You're the go to person for all kinds of bug killing, stink removing and acid dodging advice.'

'And don't you forget it.'

She laughed along with the rest of them, the tension gone from her hand. Knowing she would be okay set James' mind at ease as a soft thud told him they were back on the Normandy.

'Joker, get us to Thessia.' She gave the order as they stepped onto the deck.

'No can do right now, we need to vent the heat sinks.'

'Aren't there Reapers in system?' She stopped and looked at the ceiling.

'Not any more. They bugged out when the monastery went boom.'

'Didn't we vent the sinks last time we stopped?' She frowned and James was a little curious too.

He, Joker and Adams had discussed the condition of the ship prior to leaving on this mission. They had assured him that the Normandy could handle it and he'd commented that maybe they should say she couldn't so Shepard would agree to the shore leave Hackett had ordered. Maybe they'd taken him seriously.

'Ah, there's a reason Hackett want us in dry dock.' Joker's sigh carried around the bay.

'Shepard, several relays and sensors should be replaced or serviced and the Normandy refit had not been fully completed when we left Earth.' James almost grinned as EDI joined the conversation.

'See, my baby could do with a little TLC and an oil change. We should be able to leave in about six hours. This would be a good time to get some rest.'

James waited for her to call him out. Instead she nodded and headed for the elevator.

'Let me know when we can leave.' She turned to him and smiled, 'seems we have some time to kill. Shower sounds good.'

'Yes ma'am.' James trotted after her and how he managed to keep his hands by his side in the elevator he didn't know.

When they reached the landing outside their quarters they stopped holding back. Shepard managed to get him out of his armour in record time, beating him by seconds. Naked in the shower, her breasts against his chest, his lips on hers and her nails raking his ass, James wasted little time in making her forget all about the mission and her fears. When she became a quivering mess in his arms he knew he'd succeeded.


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains an adult scene - starts at 'His arousal woke him.' It is probably NSFW. It also talks about emotional violation/mind rape - just warning in case anyone needs it.

 

 

 

**** 73 ****

Shepard's hair brushed his chin as her head rose and fell with his breathing. She'd fallen asleep almost immediately after he'd carried her to the bed and they'd settled under the covers. Her arms had wrapped around him and clung to him as she rested her head on his chest. He wasn't going to deny that he loved having her there, but he sensed a desperation in her hold and it worried him.

He should try and sleep, they had another mission coming up and exhaustion would not help. But the memories of Shepard, her fear of the Ardat Yakshi that she tried to hide, played on his mind. She didn't allow fear to make her hesitate and he wondered again about what had happened on the previous mission to find Samara's daughter. Maybe he should ask Garrus. He closed his eyes and forced himself to relax.

Something woke him. It took a moment before he realised that Shepard was shaking and whimpering, her hand pushed against his chest as if she were trying to keep something away. As she gasped for breath his concern forced him to move. Lifting his hand and carefully cupping her face he placed his lips close to her ear and whispered.

'Andy, it's okay, I've got you.'

Nothing changed, he had no indication she heard him. Tilting her head and shifting position his stomach churned at the pale colour of her skin and the open fear on her face.

'Andy, you're safe, I'm here.' He kissed her forehead softly, trying to wake her without shocking her into action. 'Bella, I need you to wake up.' He brushed her face with his fingers as his other hand rubbed her back.

She took a deep shuddering breath and tensed in his arms. Her eyes opened wide, the fully exposed whites making her pupils glassy and bright. She blinked rapidly and her eyes cleared.

'James,' she said, her voice trembling.

'Hey, you were having a bad dream.'

'Yeah, I –.' She stopped, staring at him for a moment before rolling over. She pushed her back against his chest, locked her fingers through his and pulled his arm around her, tucking their linked hands under her chin, but not before he saw the white of her knuckles. Her head rested on his other arm as she settled into the cocoon of his protection while her eyes stared out across the bed, looking but not seeing.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

He kissed her shoulder and rested his head against hers. The tendons in her neck stood out, her rapid pulse visibly beating beneath the skin, and while he wanted her to open up to him he didn't want to cause her more pain.

'Do you know about the asari mind melds?'

'Yeah, it's how they mate or something isn't it.'

'Apparently,' she wriggled closer and he tightened his hold. 'They use it for other things too, it's how Shiara gave me the cipher and Liara helped me sort out the images from the beacons. It's … uncomfortable, to have someone else in your head, to know they're seeing things you can't tell your closest friend, or lover, things you're ashamed off.' She squeezed his fingers.

'Can't you block them?'

'With practice, but with the Ardat Yakshi it's different.' She shuddered and he moved his leg over hers, gently pulling her towards him. 'Samara warned me that Morinth would be strong, that her hold would be powerful and that I would willingly do whatever she asked of me.' She huffed a laugh, 'Garrus knows me well, I was tired, we'd been on a run of mission with little downtime, and I didn't sleep well after coming back. But you know me, too stubborn for my own good.'

'I need to keep notes and get you to sign them,' he nuzzled her neck and she relaxed a little, but it didn't last.

'I thought Samara was exaggerating. I could deal with another mind meld, I'd had them before. But from the moment Morinth came near me I felt myself slipping away. This dark thing burrowed into my head, worming into my mind. I fought it but Samara hadn't lied. Morinth did have a power that was impossible to fight and by the time I realised I'd made a mistake I had no escape. I wanted to walk away, to run actually, instead I followed her to her apartment because she wanted it and I couldn't refuse her.'

Shivers passed through her and James wanted to tell her to stop, to try and forget, but he wanted to know more too. He had to know more to help her and she needed to talk about it to get some kind of closure.

'I sat on her lounge and watched her move towards me. She was a predator, arousing me with her slow, calculated movements and I surrendered. The strength of her hold gave me no choice and when she told me to embrace eternity I willingly let her in.' Her grip on his fingers tightened even further, cutting off circulation but he didn't care.

'You're safe now, bella.' He so desperately wanted to protect her but she continued as if he hadn't spoken.

'She dived into my mind, digging though my life with knife blades, tearing apart my sanity, draining me, and I let her.' She sucked in a deep, trembling breath and rubbed his hand against her face where he felt dampness. 'I wanted her to keep going, I ached for the joy she felt as she took my life. But I wanted her gone too. She wasn't gentle. She was inside me, all around me, I had no way of keeping her out. Then it stopped. It was yanked away and I remember screaming at the loss.'

She went quiet and he ignored the tickle on his face as tears ran down his cheeks.

'Morinth begged me to choose her over her mother and I came so close to doing it but by the time my mind cleared enough to understand Samara had already killed her daughter. She saved my life and I hated her for it. I managed to stumble back to the Normandy. Chakwas found me curled up on my bed, sobbing, she held me for the longest time, stayed with me until some kind of normal returned. I'm sure she watched over me after she knocked me out too, because she was there when I woke up.'

She tucked his hand further under her neck to the point where he held her so tight he worried about bruising her.

'Morinth made me feel dirty and used. She violated my mind and yet I wanted it back. I missed the hunger I felt from her. Chakwas talked me through most of it, made me sleep when it got too much and held me when I shook and screamed. She covered for me with the crew, even kept Miranda out.'

He owed Chakwas a bottle of brandy.

'I still feel her, James, in my head. Sometimes there's this cold, dark thing in the back of my mind, like a piece of her is still there. Samara and I talked after, I was cruel to her at first but she persevered and we managed to work together. She wanted to meld with me, wanted to help erase the worst of the memory but I refused. I sometimes wish I had because being around asari gives me the creeps and I know they're not Ardat Yakshi.'

She moved and released her grip on his fingers as she rolled back to face him. 'Going into that monastery… it's among the hardest things I've ever done, but I needed to do it. I needed to break her hold on me, to face my fear.'

'Did it work?' He wiped away her tears with tingling fingers and she closed her eyes.

'I don't know, I dreamed of her, I haven't done that in a while. I usually only dream of dead people, those we've lost.' She sighed and curled into his chest. 'I guess time is the only thing that's going to help.'

'I'm sorry you had to go through that, Lola.' He kissed the top of her head, 'I wish I could have been there.'

'I'm glad you weren't because you're here now.'

'I'll always be here, and you know you can talk to me, right. About anything.'

She nodded and kissed his chest before snuggling closer and wrapping herself around him. The contrast between the small, fragile woman in his arms and the big badass commander persona she wore always surprised him. Everyone knew she dealt with her humanity by being strong, never allowing fear or weakness to show, but he had the privilege of feeling it, of helping her deal with it and loving her for it. The gift of her vulnerability was the most precious thing he'd ever been given, other than the fact that she loved him of course, and he made a silent promise to never take it for granted.

She relaxed into him, her breathing soft and regular. The trust she had in him to protect her brought tears to his eyes. Out there protection became the last thing she needed, but in here he was the wall between her and her demons. No matter how hard she pushed that wall would never fall. No matter how many times she tried to chip away pieces it would be immovable. No matter how often she tried to convince him she could deal with everything he would always be there for her. He closed his eyes and her soft breath lulled him into sleep.

Arousal woke him. The sensation of wet warmth surrounding his throbbing erection made him gasp for breath. He opened his eyes and looked down to see amused brown eyes looking up at him. Grinning around his shaft in her mouth she flicked her tongue along his length and he hissed as she pulled him to the back of her throat before releasing him to kiss her way down his thighs.

'Time to wake up.'

'I think you've woken more than just me.' He moaned as she licked her way back up his shaft.

'All part of my evil plan.'

She crawled up his body and slid over him before he could think of a response. Her hips settled over his and she paused, tightening around him as he filled her. He needed more. Sitting up he gathered her close, his tongue diving into her mouth as he slid further into her until he had nothing left to give. He loved the feel of her folds against his skin as they pushed apart for him and he admired the view as she leant back on her arms, opening herself up even further. She watched him as he looked down to where their bodies joined, the joy on her face matching the euphoria he felt as he gripped her hips.

'Like what you see?' She lifted herself along his shaft, far enough to almost pop out before sliding down quickly to take him all the way in.

'Fuck. Dios ,,,' He gasped as she repeated the movement.

'A bit lost for words there Vega.' She laughed and he adored the fact that their sex could be so damn hot and playful.

'Not too lost.' He grinned and found the sweet spot with his thumb that had her gasping for breath and whispering curses.

'Shit. Not fair.'

'Just catching up, Lola. You had a head start.'

He pulled her back towards him and took a nipple in his mouth. She writhed against him, completely lost in the sensations of his lips, thumb and the feel of him inside her. There was nothing more beautiful than her at his mercy, crying his name as they moved together. She crushed his head against her breast as she came around him.

The feel of her nipple being pushed into his mouth, his thumb trapped between them, rubbing against him as she moved and the pulse of her orgasm him sent him reeling. He fought to breathe and control himself. Coming to a stop with him still deep inside her she released his head and found his lips. Hot, wet warmth tightened around him and his erection throbbed, aching for release but he wasn't ready for it to be over. From her moans as she rotated her hips and pushed against him she wanted more too.

He'd always considered himself a good lover, he took great pleasure in seeing his partner come first, to get the most out of their lovemaking. With his Lola it was so much more. He could never get enough and as her tongue danced with his and she continued to move without losing her hold on him he knew they were going for round two. She grinned against his lips as he shifted without pulling out, dragging her with him as he rolled and settled between her thighs.

'Not done with you yet, Lola.'

'I hope not.' She gasped as he thrust and hit the perfect spot. 'Oh god you feel so good.'

'You have no idea.' He buried himself against her neck, kissing the pulse point and moaning softly as she squirmed under him. 'You feel fucking fantastic, so tight and wet.'

He worked his way down to a nipple and she arched her back, driving him deeper and he sucked in a breath. He fought down his release, he hadn't had enough of the amazing woman so openly giving herself to him. It only made him want her more. He slipped a hand under her back, sliding down so he could lift her ass and she wrapped her legs around his waist. His groan made her laugh but he gave her other things to think about as he pushed deep and nipped her nipple in his teeth.

Her nails raked his back and pleasurable pain drove him closer to the edge as he thrust harder. She dragged his head up and her tongue matched his thrusts as she dived into his mouth, her lips pushing against his. He needed her to go first and he shifted slightly, knowing he found what he needed when she screamed into his mouth and shuddered, the pulsing of her orgasm dragging him with her.

He joined her in groaning into their kiss as he exploded inside her, the tightening and throbbing of his entire body making him super sensitive to every part of them that touched. The rubbing of her nipples against his chest, the feel of her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth were amazing, but the slapping of intimate flesh against intimate flesh invaded his senses. It was primal and erotic and heightened the strength of his release.

Sex had never been this good, this satisfying and glorious and it all came down to the woman gasping for breath as her legs dropped to the bed. She was stunning. Her face flushed, her lips swollen and her body boneless beneath him.

'I love you, Andy.' He dropped his head into the hollow of her neck, keeping his weight off her and on his elbows.

'I love you too,' she kissed his shoulder.

He rolled away and she followed. 'I think we need another shower.'

'Together?' She looked up at him.

'Give me ten minutes.' He grinned and kissed her forehead.

'Okay,' she laughed and lay on his chest.

 


	74. Chapter 74

  **** 74 ****

James had already done a round of the ship, checked in with Joker and Adams about the true state of the Normandy, read messages and filed his report on the last mission when Shepard arrived in the briefing room. He took advantage of their time alone, moving close enough for him to feel her warmth but not actually touching. He smiled as she grinned at him.

'Bout time you got to work.'

'I had this gorgeous hunk of a man wear me out, it's all his fault.'

'Still trying to make me blush, Lola.'

'Ew. Too much information, Shepard,' Joker said from overhead. 'We should be ready to leave in about forty minutes.'

'Thanks, Joker, and you shouldn't be listening in.'

'Hey, briefing room, your quarters are for private stuff. Anything you say out here is fair game.'

'Noted.' Her eyes met his 'So, how are we doing?' They both stepped back and into duty mode.

'We're good, the Normandy is holding up for now but Adams is insistent we need to dry dock for a few days.' He watched as her forehead creased. 'Hackett did order us in weeks ago, I'd really like it if I didn't have him yelling at me because I haven't made you follow orders.'

'He likes you, and he hasn't really yelled yet, wait till he uses his admiral voice on you.' She ignored his scoff. 'But I know,' she took the datapad he offered and read it as she spoke. 'It just feels wrong to be on shore leave while people are dying.'

'But if we want to stop more from dying we need to be at our best. Shit Lola, we're all tired and that's when we make mistakes.' He knew he'd hit a nerve when she scowled at him. 'Hell, just thinking about the battles to come makes me want to curl up and sleep for a year. We can't fight if we're exhausted.'

'Point taken,' she sighed, leant against the table and folded her arms across her chest, the datapad hanging from one hand, 'knew I made you my XO for a reason.'

'And here I thought it was because of my good looks.'

She shook her head, smiling as she looked back to the datapad. 'What do we know about this artefact on Thessia.'

'Not much, maybe Liara could help us out there.'

'If she can get her nose out of the crucible data for five minutes,' she muttered as she read.

'Well the fate of the galaxy hangs on that thing so you can't blame her for wanting to know about it.'

'I know, I just expected … shit, I don't really know what I expected. I thought the Shadow Broker would give us more information, help with the war effort. I don't see much of that happening.'

'She doesn't tell you all her secrets Lola, she is the Shadow Broker.'

'Should I be worried that you're defending her?'

'Hell no, I'm just being your logical XO.'

'Well that sucks.' She pouted and he laughed.

'Just doing my job, Captain.' He gave her a mock salute and she glared at him.

'Speaking of,' she brought up her omnitool and sent him a file. 'I've just spoken to Hackett.'

James opened up his omnitool and read what she'd sent, his eyes widening as he raised his head and looked at her.

'Is this for real.'

'Yep. As of today you are officially designated N2. You've already surpassed the requirements for that level.' She moved closer and held out her hand. 'Congratulations, Commander Vega.'

'Thank you ma'am.' He accepted her handshake, grinning at her eye roll. 'You made this happen didn't you?'

'I suggested it and Admiral Hackett supported it. Rio is in tatters and it could be some time before the ICT is up and running again so field promotions are the best way to fill the ranks. He needed two confirmations other than mine and he got them so, welcome to the club.'

'Can I ask who the other two were?'

'You can but I won't tell you.'

He looked down at his omnitool, his head spun and his thoughts flew away on an invisible wind. He'd always hoped to make it to ICT and his recommendation had given that hope life even with the war. But he'd never expected this. To reach N2 without going to Rio … a bonus sure, but he couldn't help feeling like he hadn't really earned it. There was a procedure to becoming an N and getting a field promotion, while wonderful, felt wrong.

'Don't worry, James,' Shepard rubbed his arm and he looked up to see her smiling at him. 'You'll get to go to ICT.'

'How long did it take you to reach N7?'

'Eighteen months, it usually takes two years minimum going in at this level.'

'I appreciate this, I really do -.'

'But it feels like the wrong way.'

'Yeah, something like that.' He shrugged and she nodded.

'Actually this is the right way. I entered as N3 when I went to ICT. They take past experience into account up to N4, it's how Ns get selected and entry level is decided. You may even go up in rank further before ICT. After N4 there are specific criteria that they set and passing those is what moves you into the top ranks. So don't feel bad about being promoted in the field. You won't get to N7 that way.'

'So are there any N1s?'

'A few, usually candidates that are considered for specialisations straight out of basic or officer training.'

'Okay then.' He allowed himself a smile a moment of pride. He'd taken his first steps on the path to a future he'd once dreamed about. 'Thanks, Shepard.'

'Hey, you've earned it, but it's not so easy from here.'

'I won't let you down.'

'The only one you have to worry about is yourself.' She stepped closer and waited until he met her stare. 'You're a good soldier, James, smart, caring and devoted. You've earned this. You do this for you and no-one else.'

'Yes, ma'am.' He chuckled as she groaned at him. 'I get it.'

'Good.' She turned to the door as the team arrived. 'About time you lot turned up.'

'Are we late?' Garrus looked around at everyone's puzzled faces.

'Shepard's just impatient,' Kaidan said, picking a spot at the table.

'Okay people,' Shepard took control, 'what do we know about this thing on Thessia?' She stared at Liara.

'These co-ordinates are for the Temple of Athame, my mother took me there as a child.' Her eyes dropped for a moment and James understood how the memory would arouse smothered emotions. She raised her eyes and continued. 'For some reason it has classified government funding.'

'For a temple?' Garrus said what everyone was thinking.

'Why did your mother take you there?' Shepard ignored him.

'I thought she wanted to give me a history lesson, now I'm not so sure.' Liara opened up her omnitool, 'I took another look at her old files. The records on this place are heavily encrypted, some are centuries old. I still can't crack most of them.' She glanced at the faces around her, the lines on her face deepening as she frowned. 'Whatever this is, it's well hidden and it's been covered up for a long time.'

'Secrets and more secrets.' Shepard blew out a breath.

'Stand by for relay transit,' Joker informed the ship.

Shepard continued on as the deck gave a slight shudder and their world trembled for a moment. 'We need to get ready.'

'Relay complete, board is green, drift nominal. There's heavy Reaper activity around Thessia.' Joker had them all raising their eyes to the ceiling. 'The missions looking dicey.'

'No choice, we need to do this. Any word from the scientists?'

'Nope, communications are a mess.'

'I think a bigger team will help,' James suggested and Shepard nodded.

'I think you're right.'

'Shepard, that's my home down there. I have to go.' Liara leant on the table towards Shepard.

'Okay,' she glanced around the room. 'Kaidan are you up for this,' the biotic nodded so she continued. 'Javik and Garrus, suit up.'

James fought down the urge to question her order. Liara could be problem, distracted by the destruction of her home which meant one less focussed team member. Plus letting her go down there without him didn't feel right, as much as he trusted everyone else. She had a reason for it and he knew he should be professional, but damn it was hard not to plead.

'James, I want the Normandy parked somewhere safe. I also want you to get Tali, Traynor and EDI working on decrypting Benezia's files,' she looked at Liara who frowned but didn't argue, 'and searching through the asari databases to see what you can find out about the history of this place. Something here is off and I want to know what it is.'

'You want us to hack the asari home world?' His eyebrows lifted and he stared at her.

'Shepard, are you asking us to break the law?' EDI straightened her stance but she sounded amused.

'Yep. I'm fed up of secrets.'

'Very well.'

'We'll do our best,' he nodded even though he had no clue where to start, 'or they will.' He motioned towards Tali and EDI.

'I have no doubt.' She straightened and took a long look at her team. 'Dismissed.'

When everyone had gone she turned to him and he could see the concern in her eyes.

'James - .'

'It's okay, Lola,' he rubbed her arms gently and she visibly relaxed. 'You know, under Alliance regs one of us is supposed to be on the ship at all times.'

'Well that's not going to happen.' She scoffed a laugh.

'So I'm being demoted or are you not going on missions anymore?'

'Not on your life.' She placed her hands on his chest, 'I hate leaving you behind but knowing what we might be facing down there I need every advantage.'

'And I can't overload shields and barriers but I can make sure things get done up here.' He kissed her forehead, 'I get it. You're my CO, you don't have to explain, even though I don't like being left behind, but you're in good company. You might want to keep an eye on Liara though, home world and all that.'

'I know.' She stepped back and he met her stare that now held pride and respect. 'I'm trusting you to take care of the Normandy and carry out my orders.'

'Yes, ma'am. Good hunting.'

'Carry on XO.'

They walked from the room side by side, parting in the CIC, her to the elevator and him to the bridge. His guts might be rolling and his whole body shaking but he had a job to do and he planned on doing it right.

'So, not going on this one?' Joker's hands moved across his console as he spoke. 'I hope you're not going to be looking over my shoulder, with your fingernails digging into my chair, ruining the leather.' He flicked a glance at him as he stopped beside him.

'Nah, got other things to do this time.'

'It's gotta suck though.'

'Yep.'

'And that's it?' Joker turned to look at him. 'No whining about Shepard not taking you with her.'

'Nope.' Joker pushed his hat back and frowned at him. He sighed and held up his hands. 'Okay, I don't like it, but I get it.'

'Ah, so we're going the professional route.'

'Just cause you don't - .'

'I'm always professional, just more casual than most.' He shrugged and went back to flicking screens across his workspace.

'Uh-huh.'

'Shepard, we're coming up on Thessia,' he spoke into the coms. 'Can't get much closer without giving us away.'

'Acknowledged, shuttle is ready.'

Joker opened the bay doors and James watched the shuttle leave, gradually disappearing into the dark. The seat under his hand bounced as Joker relaxed into it but it was an illusion. Like him the pilot would be tense and worried until Shepard and the team were safely back on board.

'Find us a quiet spot, Joker.' He patted the pilot's shoulder and left him to it.

The sounds of the mission played in his ear as he stood in the war room with Traynor and EDI, feeling slightly useless as they dug into the asari records. He hadn't brought up the video feed because he thought it might distract him. But that hadn't worked, he strained to hear every order, pick up on clues.

The mission had turned out much harder than they anticipated and he was thankful Shepard had taken a bigger team. He'd heard Liara crying softly as they fought their way to the temple, Javik and Kaidan's advice that she try to ignore the dead and the devastation around them falling on deaf ears. He couldn't blame her, he had no doubt he would feel the same when they returned to Earth.

'Commander, we've got something,' Traynor brought his focus back to the task.

'What is it, Traynor? Have the asari discovered we're sneaking into their files?'

'No, I think they're a little distracted.' She shrugged, 'or we're just that good they haven't noticed us.'

'Hey, you're on the Normandy, you're just that good.'

She rolled her eyes at him and continued. 'From what I'm seeing this temple is older than the asari culture.' She looked at him through wide eyes, 'I think this is where the asari knowledge came from, where they learned about the Citadel.'

'Specialist Traynor is correct. It appears to be the source of all asari knowledge, passed down through two guides of the goddess Athame who resemble Protheans. Their mythology also mentions how they warded off an attack by a race called Orivores, a space faring, intelligent species, apparently with help from the goddess Athame who wielded her sword against jealous gods. This was before the asari became the powerful race we currently know.' EDI stood alongside Traynor, unmoving, but he knew she would be sorting through data faster than they could. 'The pattern of asari growth is unlike a normal evolutionary path.'

'How so?'

'Most organic, intelligent species follow a curve, civilisations advance as learned knowledge leads to new ideas. The asari however do not. Theirs is an almost straight upward line.'

'How do we know they weren't smart enough to learn all this on their own?'

'Because of the time frame. There is not enough time to infer development or learning.' EDI tilted her head and looked at him. Thinking of her as just an AI became harder every day.

'We know they're intelligent and were the first to find the Citadel,' Traynor explained. 'But it looks like they spent very little time developing basic skills, like creating fire. They've appeared and in an unbelievably short time they're managing space flight. The turians, krogan and salarians were around back then but they were much slower to evolve. Hell, the krogans developed nuclear technology but the asari went straight to eezo use and FTL travel.' She scowled at the screen as information scrolled across it. 'Basically, they cheated or had help.'

'Okay,' James looked at both of them in turn 'So how does this help us?'

The sound of gunfire in his ear made him flinch and he listened for a moment as Garrus complained about being fed up of harvesters. He fought down the urge to bring up the feed and make sure they were all still alive, waiting for the one voice he needed to hear. As she laughed and joked with the team he took a deep breath and relaxed.

'Those boshtets.' Tali stormed through the door, not stopping until she reached the circular console in the middle of the room. 'They had the knowledge all along. They refused to share and millions of people have died.'

'Whoa, Sparks,' James held up his hand as she began pacing. 'What have you found?'

'Liars and cheats is what we found.' She sighed, stopped pacing and placed her hand on her forehead, if it wasn't for the mask James figured she'd be massaging her temples. 'Glyph helped me break through Benezia's files, I think Liara just didn't want to know what was in there. Some were ancient, from scientists and historians long before Benezia birth. The boshtet Protheans uplifted them, like the salarians did with the krogan, only the asari were given space flight, technical skills and biotics. They did it all through the goddess Athame, they used religion as a cover.'

'I believe there is a Prothean beacon on Thessia.' EDI said, the following silence becoming heavy and thick before they all spoke at once.

'That explains it. Bloody liars.'

'Boshtets kept it secret from the whole galaxy.'

'Oh boy, Shepard's going to love this.' Joker cackled from above.

'Are you sure?' James leant forward and waited for EDI to respond.

'Yes.'

'Shit,' the tone of Joker's voice told him how well that news would go over.

'Fuck.' James ran his hand through his hair. 'Shepard.' He opened up communications, she needed to know about this and prepare for it. He got no response and realised he hadn't heard it for the last few minutes. 'Joker, what happened to the ground feed?'

'We lost it when they entered the temple. I've been trying to get it back but no luck so far.'

James couldn't believe he'd been distracted enough to not notice it earlier. How long had they been quiet and were they still alive?

'Some sort of shielding to protect what's hidden there.' Traynor's fingers flew across her console, already at work looking for a way in.

'Ah, guys,' the worry in Joker's voice turned the blood in James' veins to ice. 'I'm picking up explosions at the temple.'

'EDI, what have you got?' He fought down panic as his fingers dug onto the console.

'Jeff is correct, I believe the temple is under attack. I am unable to restore biofeeds and communication.' If she couldn't break through with her abilities James knew no-one else would have much success.

'The Reapers?' Tali moved beside him.

'No.'

'Come on EDI, give me something.' The pounding of his heart became a bass drum in his ears and his fingers trembled against the smooth metal of the console. A lifetime passed in a matter of minutes.

EDI straightened up, her arms rigid her fingers curling into fists. 'I am detecting a Cerberus signal and shuttles leaving the planet surface.'

'What the hell?' James rushed up the stairs heading for the door. 'We need to know what's going on down there and where those shuttles go. Get that feed back. Joker, get us in there. Now. And where the hell is Cortez?'

'Aye, aye.' The ship shifted under his feet as Joker followed his order.

'Normandy, shuttle is returning.' Cortez spoke as if on cue.

'Make it quick, Cortez,' Joker responded, 'we've got multiple Reapers inbound.'

James rushed to the elevator and hit the button for the lower deck. His fingers curled as he bounced on his toes and tried not to let fear control him. Swallowing down his stomach contents he stepped out as the shuttle hatch opened.

'Medical team to the cargo bay.' He was running before he finished speaking.


	75. Chapter 75

 

**** 75 ****

Kaidan stumbled onto the deck, hunched over and wincing. James rushed to his side but he waved him towards the shuttle.

'Garrus,' the biotic's voice hoarse as he sucked in a breath and moved aside. James didn't miss the clenching of his fist, the soft groan or the fact that his chest plate was a crumpled mess.

Javik helped Garrus shuffle to the hatch, sliding his ass across the floor and James hurried to help as he saw the crushed armour around the turian's legs. Very carefully they manoeuvred Garrus onto the deck, settling him against the shuttle as Chakwas and two orderlies hurried towards them. Giving Javik a quick once over, finding only scratches and bruising James looked past him.

Liara sat as if stunned. Her hands rested on her thighs, her back stiff and her head held high. But tears rolled down her face as she sobbed quietly. Not stunned, shocked. His eyes searched for the one person he needed to see.

Shepard huddled in the furthest seat, hidden in the shadows. Her head hung over her arms as they rested on her knees, her fingers locked together and her eyes closed. Taking a deep breath she stood up and his words caught in his throat. She refused to look at him as she stepped out of the shuttle and his heart broke at the despair on her face as she moved past him.

'Shepard?'

She stopped, not lifting her head or turning towards him. 'We failed.'

She continued walking and didn't look back as she stepped into the elevator. He stared at the closed doors, torn as to whether he should follow her.

'We need to get Garrus to medbay,' Chakwas ordered and he focussed on getting the team seen to.

Someone had cut the mangled leg braces from Garrus and dropped them on the deck. Steve had left the shuttle at some point and helped Kaidan remove his armour so Chakwas could examine him. Javik helped the orderlies carry Garrus to the elevator as James looked back at Liara. She hadn't moved.

'What the fuck happened down there?' James turned to Kaidan who slouched against the shuttle while Chakwas ran her scanner over him.

'Cerberus. Kai Leng.' The biotic flinched as Chakwas checked his ribs.

'You'll be fine, nothing's broken,' the doctor patted his shoulder and glared at James before looking back at Kaidan. 'There's some bruising from where your armour crushed your chest, it's going to be painful and take a few days to heal. I would like to see you after you've showered though.'

Kaidan nodded and accepted Steve's offered hand, taking a moment to run his fingers over the pilot's creased brow when he stood. 'I'm fine.'

With a weak smile he limped his way to the elevator. Steve watched him go before gathering up the bits of armour on the deck and carrying them to his work bench. James didn't know what to do first, go to Shepard, head to medbay or help Liara. Uncertainty turned his thoughts into a chaotic mess. He didn't like it at all.

Chakwas spoke to Liara and it relieved him to see the asari reacting to the doctor. Eventually both women stood and James helped them onto the deck. Liara met his eyes, pain and grief making them dull and lifeless.

'You should check on Shepard,' she squeezed his fingers. 'She will blame herself for this.'

'For what? We lost the feeds.'

'Kai Leng took the information we needed for the Crucible. Without it we can't finish it. Cerberus may have just caused us to lose the war.'

James gaped as she walked away but his jaw slammed shut before she'd gone half a dozen steps. Grinding his teeth he marched to where Steve worked on Kaidan's armour.

'What the hell happened down there?'

'Not really sure.' He closed his eyes and sighed. 'Shepard told me to stay hidden so I didn't see much and once they entered the temple I lost the feeds.' He turned and leant against the workbench, folding his arms across his chest. 'It was a mess down there. Reaper troops were everywhere, the asari were being overrun. Communications were garbled and erratic, gunships were being blown out of the sky and there were so many dead.'

'Where did Cerberus come from?' James pitied the asari for their losses but right now he had bigger problems.

'I didn't even know they were there until Shepard called for evac.' He shrugged and held out his hands, palms up. 'There was no sign of them before the team reached the temple and no mention of them in any radio chatter. Wherever they came from they came in quietly, or they were there before us.'

Taking in the crushed armour on the bench and the state of the team James mentally kicked himself for not being on the ground. The creased brow and thin line of Steve's lips told him how stressful the mission had been. He should have been there. Maybe he could have done something, one more gun might have made the difference.

'This is going to hit Shepard hard,' Steve turned back to the bench and picked up Kaidan's chest plate. His fingers were white as he gripped the metal and James understood his fear.

'Why don't you leave that, go make sure Kaidan eats and sees Chakwas. You know how us marines can be, never taking care of ourselves.'

Steve huffed a laugh and looked at him, 'glad to hear you admit it.'

'I'll deny it if you tell anyone.' James felt some relief as Steve walked beside him to the elevator but he still had to check on Shepard.

'Of course you will, but I'm sure Joker's recorded it somewhere.'

'Yeah, but he knows better than to show it.' James punched the button for the crew deck. 'EDI, where is Shepard?'

'The Captain is currently in your quarters, I believe she would benefit from your presence.'

'On my way,' he frowned at the concern in EDI's voice and while he ached to see her he knew she needed time to get her thoughts in order. 'Joker, find us somewhere quiet to sit until we sort this mess out.'

'Aye, aye.'

The soft, subdued reply made James believe the repercussions from this mission could be damaging. The ground team wouldn't be the only ones affected by the mission failure, morale would plummet and the crew would begin to doubt. They couldn't afford to have that happen.

The first thing Shepard would ask about would be the team so he stopped long enough to check on Garrus in medbay. He found the turian sedated and looked to Chakwas.

'He has fractures and bruising in his legs, he'll be out of action for a few days and he needs bed rest, apparently part of the temple crushed his legs when it came down.' She dropped the datapad she held onto her desk. 'Javik is okay, a few scratches, Liara is okay physically but emotionally – well that might take a while. Kaidan is bruised and battered and will need a day or two to recover fully.' She stopped and met his eyes, 'as for Shepard I wouldn't know, she hasn't been to see me. I can only guess her state of mind barring any physical injuries.'

'I'm on my way up there now,' he placed his hand on the doctor's shoulder. 'Thanks doc, don't know what we'd do without you.'

'Suffer in great pain I would imagine.' She scoffed a laugh and patted his hand. 'Go and check on Shepard and convince her to come see me.'

'Commander, I have retrieved the suit feed from the team if you would like to view it.' EDI spoke over their heads.

'Hell yeah,' he brought up his omnitool as he headed for the elevator.

So they'd been right about the Prothean beacon and the asari hiding information. Watching them speak to a VI from a long dead race seemed unreal, another day in the world of Shepard. His jaw tightened. He ground his teeth as Kai Leng ordered the temple brought down around them. Seeing Liara tossed as if she were nothing, crashing into Kaidan with enough force to send them both sliding across the floor made his fingers curl. Garrus dashing across the temple only to be stopped by a column coming down on his legs, Javik charging towards Leng then forced to search for cover as the gunship attacked, opening a hole that Shepard tumbled into and disappeared.

Knowing she survived didn't stop his heart from racing as Javik dived across the floor but missed grabbing her hand by centimetres. A sweat broke out as she tumbled over the edge into darkness. She's alive and well he reminded himself as he waited for her to reappear, finally watching her blonde hair crest the edge only to have it collapse again. Javik caught her though and pulled her up, both of them rolling across the floor. Using the momentum she jumped to her feet, grabbing a pistol someone had dropped and chasing after the gunship. _Dangerous, Lola, but that's my girl._

The elevator had stopped moments ago but he needed to know everything before he faced her. Shutting down his omnitool he stepped out and into their quarters.

'Shepard,' he halted inside the doorway.

For a moment the rounded shoulders and hands buried in her hair as she hid her face made him think she was crying, but there was no shaking or sounds of sobbing. He moved forward when she didn't respond, taking a seat beside her on the steps but not touching her. At least damp hair and clean fatigues showed she'd taken a shower. She kept her head bowed and he feared that this would be the thing that broke her.

'Are you injured? You should go see the doc.' He reached out to touch her.

Suddenly she stood up. 'We need to find out where Leng went.' She paced in front of him, hands fisted and her eyes narrowed. 'There has to be a way to find him. We can follow his shuttle trail, I'm sure EDI can find it.' She went to walk past him but he grabbed her arm as she reached the top step and she glared at him. 'We need to get moving.'

'No.'

'What?' She pulled her arm from his grip, her icy stare sending a shiver through him. 'I believe I give the orders around here.'

'Yes, you do.' He took a deep breath. 'Shepard, you're thinking with your heart not your head.'

'I'm thinking very clearly.'

'Are you.' He paced now, wanting to get his words in order so as not to make a mistake. 'If you're thinking clearly why haven't you asked about the team? Your crew and this ship are important to you, it's always the first thing you ask about, especially when they're injured. But not today.'

'Are you accusing me of not doing my job?' She marched closer, stopping on the bottom step so she stood at eye level with him, pointing a finger at his chest. 'Because if you are I can have you removed, from your post, from the Normandy.'

Breath caught in his throat and he fought to swallow. His heart ached, close to breaking, but he couldn't give up. He wanted to pull her into his arms, tell her it wasn't her fault, allow her to let her emotions out. But it would be the wrong move.

'If that's what you want, ma'am,' he straightened up and clasped his hands behind his back, 'then go ahead. But it doesn't change the fact that you are putting your crew and ship in danger with your behaviour. You are emotionally compromised and it's affecting your judgement.'

'What fucking gives you the right to question me?'

The fire in her eyes and the threat in her stance might have stopped other men. James braced himself, locking his spine and meeting her eyes. He couldn't make this personal.

'My position as your XO gives me the right to question your decisions. Your guilt and your need for revenge on Leng is clouding your head. It's making you irrational.' He was relieved to see her flinch and look everywhere but at him. He relaxed and brought his hands to his sides. 'You're hurting right now, feeling guilty, wondering what you could have done differently, thinking about all those people you didn't save. Believe me, I know.' He dropped his eyes before lifting his head and looking at her. 'But this is not the way to ease your conscience.'

Her mouth opened and closed but it took a moment for her to get her words out. 'I'm not … I can't … I don't … .' She closed her eyes and clenched her fists, her shoulders stiffened and he could see the tremble in her arms.

'It wasn't your fault.'

'Then whose fault was it?' She opened her eyes and glared at him but the shine of unshod tears took the edge of her sharpness. 'I was responsible for the mission, my job is to make sure we win this war. I have to get us the things we need, do the jobs that others won't. There is no-one to blame but me.'

'That's bullshit Shepard! If you're looking for someone to blame the list is long.' He raised his arms and scoffed. 'Start with the asari, they knew about this beacon and didn't tell us, then there's Cerberus, they're always a pain in our ass, you could accuse Liara, she's the shadow broker and should have known about this. The Council has hindered you at every step, you seem to be Hackett's weapon of choice but he keeps you in the dark. There's probably a dozen other people who could or should have helped and didn't, maybe we missed a clue somewhere along the line.' He paused and looked at her, 'you went in there with limited intel and no idea what you'd find. How can this be your fault?'

'I should have been faster, better than Leng.' She stepped back into the office area, pacing as she put her thoughts into words. 'I should have guessed that Cerberus would find out, I should have pushed the asari to get involved, I should have asked Liara directly to see what she could dig up.'

He chuckled, 'she was an archaeologist when you found her, right.'

'Yes,' she stopped and frowned at him then realised what he meant. 'Funny.' The corner of her mouth lifted.

'Almost made you smile.'

She let out a long sigh and buried her face in her hands before looking him in the eyes. 'I'm sorry James, you're right, I wasn't thinking clearly.' She dropped her eyes to the floor, 'I didn't mean any of that,' she waved her hand in the air, 'you know that, right?'

He walked up the steps and stopped before her. 'I know that you don't handle failure very well, it's not an option, it hurts when it happens and you get angry.' He reached for her hand but she wouldn't look at him. 'You can't know everything, stop everyone no matter how hard you want to.' He lifted her chin so she was looking at him, 'yes, I know you didn't mean it.'

She blinked away tears as exhaustion jumped into the space left by fading anger and frustration. Her shoulders dropped, 'I don't know if I can do this. I lost the most important piece of information and probably the war. Everyone is expecting me to lead them to victory. How can I do that when I can't even beat one man?'

'Oh, Bella,' he pulled her into his arms and she sagged against him. 'You're not in this alone, you seem to forget that. I'm here, the team and your crew are here. No-one is expecting you to do this by yourself, except maybe you, Hackett, or the council.' he grinned when she smothered a curse against his chest. 'We'll get Leng, and Cerberus. We haven't lost yet.'

'I'm glad you're here,' she hugged him tighter, 'I don't know what I'd do without you.'

'Lola, I'm here for the long haul, I think I've made that pretty clear, no matter how many times you try to throw me off your ship.'

She groaned and buried her face in his shirt. He laughed and kissed the top of her head. They stood wrapped around each other for a few moments before she pulled back and shook herself off.

'How is everyone?'

'Kaidan is bruised and sore but he'll be fine, Javik is okay and Liara is okay physically but doc's worried about her state of mind. Garrus is the worst, fractures and bruising, he'll be out of action for a few days.' She nodded as guilt and concern creased her brow. 'I saw the footage from your suit feeds, we lost it when you entered the temple.' He paused and she looked at him, 'I watched you go over that edge, disappear into the darkness ... .'

He clenched his fists and closed his eyes. Her hands found his and warmth spread up his arms, comforting and reassuring.

'I'm still here.'

'Yes you are,' he looked at her, committing to memory the fall of her hair around her face, the shine in her eyes and the lift of her lips as she smiled at him.

'I'm pretty hard to kill apparently.' She slid her arms around his neck.

'It had better stay that way.' He dropped his head and kissed her lightly.

'James,' she stepped back and broke the physical contact. 'I know we're supposed to be returning to the Citadel - .'

'But you want to go after Leng.' He tilted his head and she nodded.

'We need to follow his trail while it's still fresh.'

'I know.' He opened up his com, 'Traynor, how did you go following Cerberus?'

'I think I know where they went.'

'Briefing in ten minutes, Traynor,' Shepard ordered.

'Belay that, make it twenty minutes.' He ignored the scowl Shepard gave him, 'you need to see the doc and eat.'

'Twenty minutes, Traynor.'

'Yes, ma'am.'

'See,' James shrugged, 'you give the orders around here, I'm just your voice of reason.'

'And such a nice voice it is,' she laughed as he rolled his eyes. 'Adams and Joker are going to hate us for adding more stress to their ship.'

'They'll deal with it and they'll get us through.' He followed her to the door. 'One thing I've learned about the crew of the Normandy, they're all miracle workers when they need to be.'

'Yeah, they are,' she smiled and looked directly at him, the pride in her eyes made him want to preen. 'All of them.'

He refused to wipe away his grin as they stepped into the elevator, if he had biotics he'd be glowing. The Alliance had become his life, Shepard had become his world and her belief and trust in him had become the most important thing in the galaxy. If they all died tomorrow he would die knowing he had become worthy of her. And if she knew what he was thinking she would groan and tell him not to be an idiot. He didn't need to be worthy of her, only himself. But that didn't stop him from grinning.


	76. Chapter 76

**** 76 ****

James' mouth watered as they walked into the mess hall, whatever Campbell had cooking smelled wonderful. The scent of spice and the comforting aroma of fresh bread reminded him of his abuela's kitchen. The clattering of dishes and rumble of conversation bringing tears to his eyes as he pictured the family gathered around her kitchen bench. Memories like that hadn't surfaced for some time and it hit him harder than he expected. He almost stumbled but Shepard caught his arm, her worried glance forcing a smile to his face and the memory to recede.

'You okay?'

He nodded and rested his hand over hers. 'Just a memory.'

'A good one I hope.'

'Yeah,' his smile became genuine and her face brightened as they reached the counter.

'What is that, Campbell,' she sniffed the air then the bowl that Campbell offered.

'It's a bit of a mish mash,' Campbell shrugged, 'I'm trying to use up the fresh supplies before they go off so I threw some stuff into a pot, added herbs and spices and this is the result.'

'It smells delicious,' Shepard glanced at some of the crew digging into their meal. 'Looks like it's a success.'

'Thank you, ma'am, I hope you like it.'

James took the bowl Campbell held out, 'smells like home.' He grabbed a still warm bread slice and they took a seat across from Kaidan and Steve.

'Whoever made Campbell the cook should be promoted.' Kaidan mumbled around a spoonful of food. 'We should probably promote Campbell too.'

'Definitely smells good.' Shepard took a tentative taste and her eyes closed as she hummed with pleasure.

James would have been happy to watch her all day, the way she licked her lips, the way her face softened, but his stomach let him know loudly that that there were more important priorities.

'Taste's good too,' Steve said, nudging Kaidan's shoulder. 'That's his third bowl.'

'Hey, biotic here, need the calories to help me recover.'

James almost gasped as the taste of Campbell's dish hit his tongue. Spices and the robust flavour of meat and vegetables took him back to sitting at his abuela's table, enjoying food he'd loved since childhood. An ache settled in his chest and a lump formed in his throat. His abuela was gone, thankfully she didn't have to face the war, see the horror, but his uncle and extended family were out there, alive last he knew and surviving he hoped. He didn't realise Shepard had said something to him until she put her hand on his shoulder.

'James, you okay?'

'I'm good.' His response obviously didn't convince her because she frowned at him. 'Sorry, just this food reminds me of home, family, you know.'

'Yeah, I do.' She rubbed his arm before going back to her food.

A comfortable silence settled over them as they ate and they were almost finished when EDI broke it.

'Shepard, the asari councillor is on the QEC asking for you.'

Kaidan turned his eyes to Shepard and James couldn't ignore the sudden tension in her as her fingers turned white around her spoon. The comfort of food and company had driven away the lingering darkness of the last mission, until now. The lines across her brow deepened and he expected her to jump up and rush to answer but she surprised him.

'Tell her I'll be there shortly, I have to go see Dr Chakwas first.' She raised an eyebrow at James' open mouth. 'See, I listen to you sometimes.'

James wasn't sure he believed her, he had the distinct impression she'd used the excuse to avoid the conversation.

'Well that's a first.' Kaidan laughed from across the table then winced as he wrapped an arm around his chest. 'James, you need to tell me your secret. I could never get her into medbay unless I had to carry her there.'

'But you had to carry me because I got shot saving your ass.' She pointed out and Kaidan moaned as he chuckled. 'Besides, I seem to recall carrying you too.'

'Ow, that hurts.'

'The truth or your injury?'

'Both,' he said, sitting back. 'I think we did our fair share of saving each other.'

'Yes, we did.' Shepard glanced at them in turn, lingering as her gaze fell on James. 'We're still doing it too. Hopefully we can end this war and enjoy some quiet time.'

'We'll get it done, Lola.' James picked up their empty bowls and stood, 'don't you have a doctor to see.'

She groaned as she stood up, scowling at him in mock protest, but she didn't hesitate in crossing the mess.

'Is she okay?' Kaidan watched her walk away.

'I think so,' James waited till she disappeared behind closed doors. 'She's angry and frustrated but I think the worst is past.'

'You're a good influence on her,' Kaidan looked at him, 'I'm sure calming her down wasn't easy.'

'You know what she can be like, stubborn, defensive,' he chuckled at Kaidan's nod. 'It's an enjoyable challenge though.' He left the table and moved to the kitchen.

'Nice meal, Campbell,' he said, as he dropped their dishes into the cleaner. 'Reminded me of home.'

'Really?' She gave him a beaming smile.

'Really.' He leant against the counter. 'How are supplies?' He looked to Campbell who wiped her hands on the towel tucked into the waist of her pants and turned to face him.

'Most of the fresh stocks are depleted and those that aren't will be unusable soon. I've frozen what I can but not everything is suitable, hence the throwing it all together in a big pot. We'll be down to packaged, frozen or dried foods within the next week or so.' She paused and glanced at the medbay, 'I was planning to restock at the Citadel when we got there but now I'm guessing that's not happening.'

'Soon, after this next mission.' He straightened and added, 'you've done a great job under difficult circumstances, Campbell. Well done.'

'Thank you, sir.' She stood erect and he could see the pride in her eyes.

He left to check in with Joker and Adams, to inform them they had to push the ship for one more mission. They wouldn't be happy, Joker might complain, but he could count on them to do their jobs and do them well.

Fifteen minutes later he entered the war room to find EDI, Traynor and Kaidan already there. Kaidan nodded to the QEC room as if he knew exactly what James would ask. Stepping through the door he found Shepard leaning against the wall, her forehead resting on her arm and her eyes closed. The flashing light on the console meant she hadn't spoken to Tevos which proved his theory true. She had been avoiding the conversation.

'Shepard,' he walked closer and she turned her head without lifting it from her arm.

'I don't know what to say.' She straightened and started pacing. 'Actually, I do know. I want to yell at her for the asari keeping this secret, for not helping when they had the intel we needed, for leaving it too late. But it's not her fault.' She ran a hand through her hair as she continued, 'I want to apologise for not helping her people, for failing our mission, for the destruction of her world. But there was nothing I could do.'

She stopped pacing and looked at him and he understood that while she still felt guilty she realised that circumstances had worked against her. It would take her a while to fully believe it wasn't her fault but she at least headed in the right direction and didn't wallow in self-recrimination. She didn't have time and knew it.

'I'm trying find a middle ground but it's not working. It doesn't feel right.' She moved to the wall and slumped against it, sliding down until she rested on her ankles with her knees folded in front of her. Bringing her arms up she buried her head between them as her fingers pulled at her hair. 'I'm not a damn politician. Give me a gun and a battlefield and I can work wonders, diplomacy – ugh, it's a pain in the ass.' She dropped her head back and looked at him. 'They'll probably make me the human councillor when this is over.'

James laughed and held out his hand, pulling her up when she took it, probably harder than he should have as she landed against his chest. 'Hackett once told me you should be careful what you wish for Lola. But you've got this, it's just another battlefield, you need a different strategy, that's all.'

'So, smart, handsome and good in bed.' She grinned as he blushed, 'guess I got very lucky. And I made you blush.' She kissed him softly, brushing her lips across his, before she let out a sigh and moved to the console.

James moved back out of sight but stayed to listen, curiosity getting the better of him.

'Commander,' Tevos appeared, her hands constantly moving as her voice held none of its usual arrogance. 'How long before the Crucible will be ready?'

'It won't be ready any time soon, Councillor. We failed. Cerberus beat us to the information, information that your people kept hidden until it was too late. I am sorry Councillor but if we'd known about this sooner things might have gone differently.'

Her voice cracked, her fingers gripped the console at the end of rigid arms and James half expected her to throw some of that tension at the asari. But she controlled her anger and frustration. She had become a better diplomat than she realised.

'What was the state of Thessia, we've lost communication?'

'The Reapers were there in force.' She released her hold on the console and took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry Councillor.'

Watching Tevos struggle to control her emotions and form words gave James a glimpse into the person behind the title. While he resented them for their secrecy he couldn't ignore the pain on her face. He'd had time to come to terms with Earth being under attack, she hadn't and this would truly test her character. At least she appeared to be thinking ahead, about the continuation of her species. At this point it became the only thing anyone could do.

Shepard dropped her head as the connection closed and he gave her a moment to gather her thoughts before moving beside her.

'See, no problem.' He shrugged as she tilted her head and looked at him from under raised brows. 'The perfect diplomat. You'll make a great human councillor.'

She shook her head and smirked. 'Yeah, right. Let's get back to work.'

He followed her back into the war room where the team waited, taking up position on her right as everyone looked up.

'All right people, I'm fed up of being on the back foot, it's time we took control. What have you got for me, Traynor?' Shepard looked to the specialist who suddenly started fidgeting and glancing around the room.

'Specialist Traynor should be commended for her work. She has shown great resourcefulness in her skills while tracking the Cerberus shuttle.' EDI stood at a perfect parade rest as everyone stared at her.

'It wasn't hard,' Traynor found her voice. 'Once I calculated the amount of power from the relay jump and extrapolated the - .'

'Traynor,' Shepard stopped her, a smile tugging at her lips. 'Where are they?'

'Horizon, ma'am,' Traynor straightened up and met her stare. 'They're on Horizon.'

'Are you sure?'

'I followed the only logical conclusion but I am not picking up any signals.'

'So what makes you so sure that's where they are?'

'Because there is an active block whenever I try to scan the planet, which is difficult enough from this distance. But something is bouncing my probes back.'

'Horzon?' Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck and his eyebrows met as he stared at the console before him. 'I was stationed on Horizon and you were the only Cerberus presence there.' He looked at Shepard.

'I lived on Horizon,' Traynor said, 'they weren't there then either as far as I know. Doesn't mean they're not now.'

'Horizon has one major settlement with several outlying outposts, but large parts of the planet are unexplored.' EDI informed them. 'It is possible they have been there for some time, perhaps in secret.'

'I'm not so sure,' Traynor brought up her omnitool. 'I received a message from my family a couple of weeks ago, thankfully they are okay. But it mentions something about people arriving without notice, large numbers of people - .'

'They are most likely heading to Sanctuary,' Liara interrupted. 'I have been following the reports of a safe haven but until recently had no idea of its location. It might be advertised as a secure place but until you agree to certain conditions you are not given the destination. I managed to get one of my agents on a shuttle and his last message said they were heading to the Iera System. Horizon is the only planet capable of sustaining life.'

Seeing her at the briefing had worried and surprised him. While pleased she had her head in the game James wondered if she had dealt with the loss of her home world or if she'd simply pushed it aside so she didn't have to think about it. Hopefully it didn't come back to bite her in the ass right when they needed her most.

'There is no such thing as a safe Haven,' Javik spoke up, his voice a deep growl. 'The Reapers will find all places eventually.' His words left a heavy weight in the air and the mood definitely moved into darker territory.

'Can your agent give us any more information?' James ignored the cold that settled around him.

'I haven't heard from him and he should have landed on Horizon over a week ago.'

'I don't like the sound of this,' Shepard moved as if to start pacing but thought better of it and leant on the console. 'Blocked signals, no communication and Cerberus.'

'Sounds like we might be heading into a shit storm.' James thought aloud but everyone apparently agreed when they nodded.

'We need that information Leng stole so we have no choice.' She straightened up, 'Liara, keep looking for anything you can find. Traynor, see if you and EDI can break through the block. Javik, James, you're my ground team. Kaidan, I'm leaving you in charge of the Normandy, don't break my ship.'

'Yes, ma'am, ah, no ma'am.' He chuckled and the tension in the room disappeared.

'Joker, get us to Horizon.'

'Roger that,' he paused then added, 'ah, Kaidan, there's an incoming message for you on the QEC.'

The colour drained from his face and James thought he might crumple at the knees. Instead he pulled himself erect and glanced at the QEC room.

'Go,' Shepard motioned with her head. 'Everyone else dismissed.'

Kaidan got as far as the steps before he stopped and James could see the shake in his hands. He could only imagine the fear that the other man would be feeling and he would like to take that burden from him, but he couldn't. He could however be there for him, standing by to support him whatever the news might be.

Shepard shifted beside him and James glanced at her, the worry on her face probably reflected on his. Kaidan drew in a loud breath and walked up the steps.

'Shit,' Shepard whispered.

'I've got this, besides, it could be good news.' He placed his hand over hers on the console. 'Why don't you go and check on Garrus.'

She looked at the door to the QEC and he could see she was torn between wanting to stay and not. He'd accepted her friendship with Kaidan, more easily than he ever expected to, and in doing so had opened his own heart to the biotic. That had resulted in a relationship he had never thought possible, that of true friends. Supporting him as a friend had never felt more important than right now.

As if sensing his thoughts Shepard nodded. 'Keep me informed, please.'

He walked up the steps and stopped in the doorway, not wanting to eavesdrop but not wanting to leave Kaidan alone. He timed it perfectly as the QEC sprung to life.

'Kaidan, is that you?'

'Mum.' Kaidan sagged at the knees and gripped the console to keep himself upright.

'Kaidan … oh my lord … you're alive.' The woman on the other end of the connection sobbed. 'They told me but I couldn't believe it.' She reached out as if to touch him.

'Mum,' Kaidan's breath caught in his throat and he struggled to speak.

James stepped back out of the room, not wanting to intrude, but he loitered outside, just in case. Ten minutes later the QEC shut down but Kaidan didn't appear. Peering around the corner he found him on his knees, his arms on the console and his head resting on them. Fearing the worst James stepped into the room.

'Kaidan, you okay?'

James jumped as Kaidan pushed to his feet, spinning to face him with a huge smile on his face and tears running down his cheeks. Before he could move Kaidan grabbed him, placing a huge, smacking kiss on his forehead and pulling him into a hug.

'They're okay. Mum's alive, dad's recovering and they're okay.'

His joy was infections and James returned the hug willingly, his eyes closing as he fought back his own tears while laughing with Kaidan.

'Man, that's great news.'

'Something you want to tell us?'

With arms still around each other they both turned to the doorway where Shepard and Steve stood, looking on worriedly. Kaidan let go of James and rushed towards Steve, kissing him long and hard on the lips before pulling him into his arms. Surprised but not hesitating Steve's arms slid around his back. Shepard moved to James, his arm snaking around her waist as her back leant against his chest.

'My parents are both alive, dad's recovering and mum's taking him home.' The two men separated and he looked towards them.

Shepard let out a shuddering breath, 'that's great news. I'm so happy for you, Kaidan.' She stepped forward and hugged him, 'that's such a relief.'

'Yes, it is.'

The deck beneath their feet shuddered and they tumbled against each other as the ship came to a lurching stop. The entire hull groaned under the pressure, a deep, painful sound, as if she'd been mortally wounded. The air around them became electric and everything went dark. A hand gripped James' arm as he fought for balance and he held it with his own, not surprised when the hand moved down his arm and Shepard found her way towards him. She shuddered and fear rolled off her.

The lights came back on and he looked directly at her. All colour had drained from her face, her eyes were wide and her lips tight. A thunderous bang echoed through the hull and the ship shook, a rolling wave of screaming metal travelled from nose to stern. Her grip on him tightened. _What the fuck? Where they under attack?_ The ship lurched sideways as a crack sounded somewhere beneath them, like the cracking of a stock whip. The four of them stumbled and came to rest against the wall.

Shepard's hand still trembled and her lip bled from where she'd bit it but her grip on his arm had lessened. This had to be terrifying for her. She'd been through this before, the threat of attack, the destruction of her ship, the loss of her life. His arms pulled her in and she willingly accepted his support. But she wouldn't be Shepard if she gave in to her fear. As if his presence gave her strength she took a deep breath, hurrying back into the war room with everyone following.

'Joker, what the hell is going on?'


	77. Chapter 77

**** 77 ****

'Not me,' Joker yelled as they reached the centre of the room, his voice strained as he struggled to bring the Normandy under control.

'I am responsible, Shepard.' EDI said, sounding a little shakier than usual. Whatever had affected the ship seemed to be affecting her too as the coms crackled and static whistled in their ears.

'EDI, you'd better not be going rogue on us,' Joker tried to sound light hearted but failed miserably.

James had the same thought. Maybe Cerberus had planted something in her servers, set to trigger under certain conditions. Maybe she had her own agenda and they had become excess baggage.

'I am not going rogue, Jeff. That would be counterproductive to my own existence.'

'Glad to hear it.'

'Enough.' Shepard put an end to their banter. 'EDI, explain.'

'I apologise for the emergency FTL exit but it was necessary.' A squeal echoed around the room and everyone flinched. '… power … collapse … danger.' The main lights flickered and went dark as emergency lighting took over.

'EDI?' Shepard glanced at the ceiling but the room remained silent. 'Joker, where is EDI?'

'Her platform is beside me but she's not moving and I'm not getting any response.'

'Adams, can you hear me?' James opened the com to engineering.

'Yes, I can hear you.' Adams called out orders to Donnelly before continuing through the hiss of static. 'We're running diagnostics but it looks like EDI just saved us all.'

'What happened?/' Shepard took over the conversation.

'One of the major power relays failed and exploded which sent a cascading power surge through several secondary relays and blew circuits all over the ship.' The sound of his voice disappeared amid a loud burst of noise. '… power fluctuations and possibly a hole in the hull. Kinetic barriers kicked in around the area but we need to get down there and do a visual check. Donnelly is suiting up now.'

'What's wrong with EDI and the coms?' She flinched as the system squealed again.

'The power fluctuations are affecting both, we may lose coms all together. EDI has a back-up power supply to keep her functional but it's set to run at minimal power to conserve energy for long term power loss. If you get her mobile platform to the AI core and physically connect her to the servers she should be able to talk to us via omnitool rather than coms. It would make it quicker to find the problems.'

'I'm on it,' James rushed to the door.

'You might need another pair of hands.' Kaidan followed him and they hurried to the bridge.

Joker spun to face them as they entered, 'be careful with her, please.'

'Don't worry, Joker,' James grinned as he stepped into the co-pilot's pit. 'We'll look after your girlfriend.'

'It's not like that,' Joker complained a little too loudly. 'I've just got used to having her around.'

James lifted EDI from the chair, expecting more weight but still struggling to get her far enough out so Kaidan could help. Once they reached the open space behind Joker they lay her gently down on the deck. The red emergency lights made her skin appear pink and James couldn't help but think she looked human.

'I thought she'd be heavier.'

'She's designed to blend in, she couldn't do that if she left dents in the floor.' Joker waved at her prone form. 'Can you at least give her a little dignity as you carry her out?'

'Why wouldn't we,' James glanced from Kaidan to Joker, 'she is one of the crew and will be treated as such.'

Already on it,' Kaidan agreed and looked towards the CIC where Westmoreland rushed forward with a stretcher.

'Nice job on bringing the Normandy under control,' James said as Kaidan helped get the stretcher ready.

'It's what I do and I am good at my job.' Joker's eyes never moved from EDI's platform.

'We're lucky you are. How is the ship?'

'Only emergency controls are on line. We're dead in the water.'

'Ready.' Kaidan moved to EDI's feet.

Joker simply nodded and James didn't miss the shine in his eyes as he turned back to his console, not wanting to watch as they took her away. He and Kaidan lifted her onto the stretcher, activated the lifters and carried her out.

Once in the AI core James didn't linger. Tech definitely didn't suit him and he'd only be in the way so he headed for engineering. With the coms playing up a face to face report left nothing out. He found Adams alone and tucked himself against a rail out of the way.

'How we doin, Adams?'

'Damn lucky is about the best I can give right now.' He rushed across the space to another console and brought up the interface. 'If EDI hadn't stopped us the side of the ship would have blown out. Not something you want to happen in FTL, hell, not something you want to happen at any time. The stresses would have torn the ship apart. And even if we'd survived that the radiation from the field collapse would have killed us anyway.' His tone was light but the tension in his hands and jaw told James just how close they'd come to dying.

'How did this happen?'

'We've known for a while the ship needs maintenance and we've been double checking all the systems, but this,' he paused and wiped his brow, 'didn't show up on any checks.'

'How long to fix it?'

'Depends on what Donnelly finds. If it's just re-routing or replacing parts probably a couple of hours, assuming we have the parts. We might lose a few lesser systems until we dry dock. But she'll fly again, at least temporarily.'

'Keep us updated.' James turned and headed down to the cargo bay where Tali and Daniels were keeping watch on Donnelly.

Neither turned as he approached and he could hear Daniels talking to Donnelly.

'You should see it directly to your left.' She sighed as she brought up her omnitool. 'You can't miss it.'

'I'm tellin ya, it's not here.' Donnelly sounded as frustrated as James felt.

'What's going on?' James stepped up behind them.

'It looks like we lost the main power buffer on this side of the ship,' Daniels skimmed through schematics as she spoke. 'If it's not there it must have blown out in the explosion. We'll need to come up with a work around unless we want to blow every other relay on the ship.'

'How long is that going to take?' James peered into the shaft but couldn't see Donnelly past the shine of the kinetic barrier. 'What are the chances of something else failing?'

'I think we can rewire this section and we can pull some replacement parts from one of the shuttles. Shouldn't take long. The hull is easy to fix.' Tali's confidence put him a little more at ease. This kind of situation would be normal for her, fixing things on the fly from salvaged parts. The Quarian's lives depended on it.

'I'll get Cortez working on it, send him a list of what you need. Let me know if you need parts from other places.'

Tali nodded as she held out her omnitool so Daniels could see it. They didn't need him and he knew it. Turning on his heel he headed back to the war room. He entered to see Joker stood across from Shepard, his arms folded across his chest glaring at her.

'It's a good idea,' Shepard held out her hands, palms up.

'No, it's not.' Joker dropped his arms and leant on the console.

'What'd I miss?' James stopped at the bottom of the steps and looked from one to the other.

'I think we should take the shuttle to Horizon while the ship is being fixed.' She shrugged and looked at him.

'NO. Remember what happened the last time you did that. We almost lost the ship.' He stepped back and waved his arms at her.

James' eyebrows lifted as he looked at the pilot. Shepard sighed and he guessed they'd been arguing about this before he arrived.

'But you won't be alone this time. Besides, you think a Reaper is going to show up out of the blue.'

'This is the Normandy Shepard, you're their pet hate.'

James couldn't ignore the fear in his voice.

'I'll stay aboard and I'm sure other team members will too.' James said ignoring the scowl Shepard threw at him. 'As XO I'm supposed to be here when the Captain is off ship.'

'Since when have we followed that rule,' she scoffed and the lines on her forehead deepened. 'Jeff, the chances of a Reaper finding us are - .'

'Not the point.'

Shepard turned to him and James saw the concern in her eyes, she wasn't dismissing Joker's fear but dealing with it tested her patience.

'How long before we're moving again?'

'Adams thinks he can fix the power problems with a work around in a couple of hours at most, we might lose a few non-essential systems. Donnelly, Tali and Daniels think they can fix the damaged section and hole in the hull with parts from the shuttle, no time frame but Tali said it shouldn't take long. Once Kaidan, Traynor and Liara get EDI hooked up it might go quicker.'

'Damn it.' Shepard slammed her palm down on the console. 'Why now?' If we wait we could lose our only lead on Leng and Cerberus.'

'This is what happens when you skip maintenance, Shepard,' Joker folded his arms across his chest and smirked.

She ignored his dig because she knew he was right. James covered his amusement and weighed into the argument.

'Joker, how long to Horizon by shuttle?'

'Three hours once you pass through the relay which is about fifteen minutes away.'

'How long for the Normandy once she's moving again?'

'At fastest speeds and a straight run through the relay about forty minutes.'

'So we'd be arriving at roughly the same time, if the repairs go to plan.'

'Fine,' Shepard stepped back, 'I'll give you one hour but if the repairs are going slowly we're taking a shuttle. I'm heading down to see how things are going.'

'Are you okay?' James turned to Joker as the doors closed behind her.

'Sure, why wouldn't I be?'

"Okay, but I'm a good listener.' He didn't want to force him into talking but he sensed that Joker needed to get things off his chest.

'I don't need … .' He stopped, sighed and dropped his head. 'Damn it.' He glanced at the crew around them.

James nodded at the door and Joker followed him out.

'Talk to me, Joker,' James leant against the table in the briefing room. 'What's going on?'

'It's just … . I know I'm an Alliance officer, trained for things like this but ... .' He paced slowly and his lips pursed as he organised his thoughts into words. 'I'm a cripple, everyone knows it. I'm the best pilot in the fleet but I'm useless without my ship. The day the Collectors attacked … it was …I couldn't save anyone.' He stopped, removed his cap and ran his hands through his hair before putting it back on. 'I don't want to be responsible for losing more, I don't want to feel like it's my fault … again … like when … .'

'You're wrong.' James knew exactly where Joker's thoughts were going. 'You might have brittle bones but you're definitely not a cripple. If you want to know the truth I'm in awe of you.' He chuckled as Joker's brows disappeared under his cap and his eyes widened. 'Shit Joker, you've been through the Omega four relay and lived to tell about it, and you brought your crew back with you. You've pulled Shepard's' ass out of the fire more times than anyone should have to – thanks for that by the way. I read everything about the Collector attack. You couldn't have done other than what you did.'

'EDI saved the ship not me.' He cocked a hip and folded his arms across his chest.

'Bullshit.' James placed both hands on the table and stared at him. 'EDI couldn't have done that without you doing your part first.' He stepped back and held up his hand as Joker went to speak. 'I get it.' He dropped his eyes before looking back at him. 'I know how it feels to fail, to feel like you've let someone down, to feel useless.'

Joker stared at him, waiting for him to laugh and tell him he didn't mean any of it if his narrowed eyes and tight lips were any indication. When he didn't Joker dropped his arms and his head.

'It sucks, and I should be over it but - .'

'The chance of it happening again – makes you want to throw up.'

'Yeah,' he laughed softly before straightening and meeting his eyes. 'Thanks man.'

'No problem.' James moved closer and put his hand on Joker's shoulder. 'You good?'

'Yeah,' he nodded, 'I'm good.'

'Okay, let's go see how they're doing with your girlfriend.'

'She's not my girlfriend,' Joker argued as they walked through the CIC.

'But she could be,' James laughed at Joker's scowl.

'Brittle bones, remember.' Joker rolled his eyes as they stepped into the elevator. 'I could shatter a hip just from some over the clothes action.'

'I'm sure she can be gentle.'

'And I'm going to risk it, like hell. Besides, she's not human.'

'I think she's more human than some humans I know,' James scoffed as the elevator doors closed. 'Does that really matter?'

'You think?' Joker tilted his head and looked at him.

'I think.'

'Her sense of humour is getting better.'

'Her mobile platform is easy on the eyes.' He laughed and held up a hand as Joker glared at him. 'Just sayin'.'

'Her personality is awesome. She's come a long way since we first met.'

'Her voice is sexy too.' He grinned as Joker narrowed his eyes at him. 'So there is interest there?'

'No.' The slight upturn of his lips left James with little doubt that he was lying as they stepped onto the crew deck. 'Damn, I hope she's okay.'

They stepped into the AI core to hear EDI giving Adams instructions. Her body lay still on the bench, eyes closed as if asleep, but her voice sounded normal, with none of the crackle and hiss from earlier. A cable ran from the base of her skull to her blue boxes and her lips moved as she spoke into Liara's omnitool. A shiver ran down James' back and the word creepy came to mind.

Beside him Joker blew out a breath and James glanced at him to find his eyes shining. Definitely interest there. Joker moved forward to stand beside her prone platform, sliding his hand into hers without disturbing Liara. James turned away so Joker wouldn't see his smile. Not that he would have noticed as his eyes locked onto EDI.

'Done, EDI,' Adams spoke over their heads. 'Now what?'

'Once Engineer Donnelly has completed the replacement of the buffer you should have enough power to bring the engines back on line if you re-route through life support.'

'Life support, are you sure?'

'Yes, there are redundant relays that will accept the additional power, either that or I am trying to suffocate the crew.' Everyone stood in stunned silence. 'That was a –'

'Joke.' Joker finished for her, chuckling as he looked around the room.

'Yes, Jeff, it was.'

'Okay,' Adams took her at her word.

Kaidan and Traynor were busy on their omnitools, Joker stood quietly by EDI's bench and James figured he should find Shepard. They all jumped when the emergency lights flicked off replaced by normal lighting as the ship came to life and the hum of the engines could be felt beneath their feet.

'Thanks EDI, you saved us hours of work.' Adams didn't hide his relief.

'I am happy to help.' Her mobile platform sat up and her eyes blinked open, coming to rest on Joker who had let go of her hand and stepped back. She raised her hand and stared at it before sliding off the bench and standing.

'Everything looks good EDI.' Kaidan closed down his omnitool. 'You might want to do a full systems check but I can't see any damage.'

'EDI, did you know you have external holo emitters?' Traynor frowned as she looked at something on her omnitool.

'Yes, they were designed to allow me to change my external appearance. They were damaged in the original shuttle crash and fire but I have since restored them. This body had a polymer overlay that assumed the texture of skin before it was burned away. The only thing still changeable is my hair.'

'We could fix that,' Traynor looked at her, 'you could make yourself appear more human.'

'I did not think it appropriate. This platform tried to kill Major Alenko, I believed it might bring back unpleasant memories. I did think it might make me more appealing,' she glanced at Joker who dropped his head to hide his eyes, 'but the risk outweighed the benefits.'

'But you don't have to look like the original, you can change the look to whatever you want, within the parameters of your body shape.' Traynor argued.

'EDI, you are not a threat.' Kaidan looked at her, 'please don't limit yourself on my account.'

'Thank you, both.' EDI nodded. 'I will think about it.'

'All right people,' Shepard walked through the door. 'Tali assures me we'll be good to go in about fifteen minutes so let's make sure we're ready. We have some very important data to recover, and a Cerberus operative to take down.' She looked at EDI, 'glad to have you back.'

'It is good to be back, Shepard, but thank you.'

'Let's do this.'

Shepard led them from the room, her excitement making them all smile. James loved seeing her eager to go but he had a sickening feeling that the day would end the way it started, disastrously. He crossed his fingers and hoped like hell he was wrong but the heaviness in his gut refused to budge. The smile on her face as she nudged his shoulder only made him feel worse but he smiled back and ignored the dark shadow that lingered around him. Something had to go their way for once, didn't it? But as hard as he tried he couldn't convince himself and as he donned his armour he steeled himself for whatever they were about to face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should point out that the travel times I've guessed at in this chapter come from everything I could find in the wiki and from things said or seen in game. Hopefully I'm not too far out.
> 
> And EDI - I always wondered why she never looked like Eva, with the skin and clothing. I really thought she should have been able to change her appearance, the body was designed as an infiltration unit after all.
> 
> Also, just a quick shout out to everyone reading, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so.


	78. Chapter 78

**** 78 ****

How could one person do this to another? Thousands had come looking for safety only to find terror and nightmares. James put his hands on a table, bowed his head and swallowed hard, trying to stop himself from retching. What Cerberus had done to these people went way beyond unforgivable, disgusting and inhumane. He glanced at Shepard. Ashen skin highlighted the shadows of her clenched jaw, her eyes were cold and her usually plump lips a thin line. The tips of her fingers dug into her rifle so hard he waited for something to break.

‘How the fuck could anyone do this?’ He slammed his palm down on the table.

‘It’s … I …,’ Kaidan seemed mesmerised by a capsule that held a person not quite turned into a husk. ‘This is …,’ he turned to James, ‘it’s insane.’

‘I know Cerberus is all about saving humanity but … how…,’ Garrus placed his talon on the glass of a capsule with what appeared to be a child’s body inside, ‘how does this save anyone?’

James had been surprised when Chakwas gave Garrus the all clear for this mission, he'd expected him to be out for a few days. She had muttered something about turians and their damn stubborn pride as she injected him with medigel and nanites to aid his healing. He'd seen him wince a few times and knew he should still be in medbay, but stubborn turian pride. He understood his need to be here though.

‘I’m going to fucking kill him.’ Shepard grabbed their attention and the three of them faced her. ‘There is no excuse for this cruelty. The Illusive bastard needs to die.’

She growled and swept datapads off the table. The sound of smashing glass echoed as they crashed to the floor and slid noisily to a stop. Her chest heaved and James put his hand on her arm.

‘We’ll get him Shepard.’ He stepped back as she shook him off before sighing and tilting her head at him. ‘We’ll get him.’

‘Right now we need to find Miranda before Kai Leng does.’ She pulled her shoulders straight and took a deep breath. ‘We need to know what Cerberus was doing here and why these people had to die.’

‘We’ll get it done, Shepard,’ Kaidan reassured her but she ignored him and headed for the door.

The further they went in the more horrors they found and the more their disgust and anger intensified. But the Reaper troops didn’t come from Cerberus, they came for them. What had Cerberus done to piss of the worst enemy the galaxy had ever faced? James paced and kept his eyes on their surroundings as Kaidan and Shepard cleared up yet another warning from Miranda.

Cerberus seemed to be pulling out but there could still be pockets of troops fighting to survive and he doubted that they’d side with them against the Reapers. He could hear husks and the distant sound of a banshee that set his teeth on edge. Beside him Garrus stood absolutely still, his finger resting on the trigger of his rifle. How did this look to him, humans carrying out horrible experiments on every race in the galaxy? Would seeing the worst humanity had to offer change his opinion about them? Did Turians have their own idealists, willing to do anything to make sure their race survived, no matter what the cost?

The video played to show a conversation between Henry Lawson and the Illusive Man. Turning people into husks to see if they could control Reaper troops: yep, they were certifiably insane.

‘Fuck.’ Shepard kicked a nearby chair, slamming it into the wall behind. ‘Miranda thought her father might have something to do with Oriana’s disappearance but I doubt she expected this.’

‘Is it possible to control Reaper troops?’ Kaidan asked, glancing from Shepard to Garrus. ‘What does the Illusive Man hope to gain?’

‘He’s always been about control, this is another sick experiment to prove his point.’ Shepard worked on a console and a ladder dropped down behind them.

‘But what if he could control them?’ Garrus glanced at her, ‘it would be an effective weapon, turn the troops against their own, like they do to us.’

‘The only good Reaper troop is a dead one.’ She gripped the side of the ladder. ‘Let’s go.’

James almost fell backwards down the ladder as cannibals and Marauders overwhelmed them at the top. Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus crouched in what little cover they could find.

‘Grenade.’ Wrapping his arm around a rung he lobbed two forward, which gave them some breathing space.

Shepard tossed a turret and sent out a drone as Kaidan and Garrus took care of shields and barrier engines. But the enemy kept coming. By the time they cleared the section they were breathing heavy and muscles cried out for rest. Kaidan slid down a wall to the floor, dosing himself with a shot of something before pulling out an energy bar and drink. James didn’t miss the way he squinted or the tension in his jaw.

‘You okay?’ He stood beside him, his rifle firm in his hand as he scanned the room.

‘Yeah, be better in a minute.’ He closed his eyes as he chewed, resting his head on the wall.

He’d been using his biotics a lot and the power he wielded came with a price. Kaidan knew his limits, and how to deal with the consequences, but that didn’t stop James from worrying about him.

‘I’m fine, James.’

‘If you say so.’

Shepard and Garrus joined them after searching the room, sharing the ammo they’d found. Her fingers held his for a moment as she passed him grenades. It reassured him that she might be angry but she wasn’t shutting him out. The slight rest helped but the tension pressed in like compacting walls, squeezing tighter with every second. He could feel it in his shoulders, see it on the faces of his teammates.

‘I don’t know how you manage to find these places, Lola,’ he grinned as she scowled at him. ‘Do you have a brochure or something?’

‘As long as it has the word hell in the description we’re going there.’ Garrus chuckled.

‘She always did have a knack for finding trouble.’ Kaidan laughed as she glared at him.

‘At least it’s not boring,’ she smirked, switching out the ammo clip in her rifle and walking forward.

James gave Kaidan a hand up and they followed her into the next room. Beyond that stood the tower where more brutes and a banshee turned on them as they stepped through the door. The room had been torn up and debris hampered their movements but eventually only the banshee remained. Working together they managed to keep it occupied enough to destroy its barriers and were working on its armour when Garrus went down. His foot caught on debris and he fell on his face, stunned as his head hid the floor.

The banshee moved quicker than anyone expected, reaching out as Garrus rolled onto his back. James charged across the room, firing and yelling to distract it. His size should have been enough to knock the creature a little but it barely moved when he crashed into it and he stumbled to regain his footing. Kaidan grabbed hold of Garrus as Shepard sent out drones and turrets to give them time to move away.

‘James!’

He looked up to find his vision blocked by the palm of a black hand, its long, thin fingers closing in on his face. Something rolled under his foot and he ended up on his backside, scrambling to get away as the banshee followed. It screamed and stopped as Kaidan hit it with a reave and Shepard followed with an incineration blast. Bringing up his rifle he fired off a carnage shot. The heat from the bombardment of the team fried his shields as he slid backwards across the floor. Garrus’ concussive round finally made it stumble.

‘Move, James.’ Shepard came up behind him, pulling him up and away.

He lobbed grenades once he had some distance and everyone else attacked with everything they possessed. It went down in a screaming heap, its dying cries gradually receding. James sucked in air as the room went quiet.

‘What the fuck were you thinking?’ Shepard stood before him, her shoulders stiff and her face flushed. ‘You could have been killed.’

‘Garrus needed help, saw a chance and I took it.’ He shrugged and she glared at him. ‘You would have done it if you were closer.’

‘You put yourself in the line of fire, we couldn’t defend you until you fell. There are risks and then there’s reckless.’

‘So I should have let that thing get to Garrus?’ He scowled at her and she shook her head.

‘No, but there were smarter ways to stop it.’ She ran a hand through her hair and blew out a breath. ‘We’ll talk about this later, right now we need to get to Miranda.’ She turned and walked away.

James watched her storm up the steps. He’d done what he believed to be the right thing. Was she right? Had he misjudged? A hand fell on his shoulder and he looked up at Garrus.

‘Thanks James.’

‘You’re welcome.’ He nodded and looked back to where Shepard checked out consoles.

‘She’s scared more than angry.’ Garrus followed his gaze.

‘Maybe, but is she right?’

‘Only you can answer that.’

Getting to the tower, finding Miranda and watching her throw her father through the window seemed anticlimactic. It probably didn’t help that James kept mulling over Shepard’s words. She hadn’t meant to distract him but that didn’t stop him second guessing his decision. Shepard barely looked at him as she sorted out Miranda and the situation. Taking the tracking chip Miranda provided to follow Leng they returned to the Normandy.

Shepard disappeared to report to Hackett so James asked EDI to put together the footage from the mission and headed for the showers. Feeling clean he did a round of the ship, making sure there had been no more catastrophes. After ordering Joker to get them to the Citadel he settled at his work bench and took a look at the mission.

Bringing up the fight with the brutes and banshee he watched, taking note of the teams positions, the debris in the room and the amount of fire power it took to bring down the enemy. Fighting the brutes took a lot of physical energy as they had to keep moving to avoid their jumps and swinging arms. By the time the banshee bore down on Garrus their reaction times had slowed.

Seeing Garrus go down stirred the same feelings, his need to get to him quickly and make sure he survived. Now that he could see the field of battle from all perspectives he understood. In his haste he had ignored the positions of his team mates. Kaidan pulled back on the reave he had ready, Shepard’s incineration blast hit the ceiling, both having to readjust because he got in their way. Hitting the banshee and bouncing off kept him in their line of fire. Their worry about hitting him made them hesitate. If he hadn’t tripped so they could fire the banshee would have grabbed him.

Watching it back gave a false sense of time. In reality it had happened so fast there was no time to think, to study the field of play and decide on the best option. Shepard had moved the wrong way trying to fire around him, Kaidan couldn’t get a line of sight from his position behind the remains of the entry platform because James stood between him and the target. Garrus managed to get to his feet and it took time to clear his head enough to bring his rifle to bear, but he couldn’t shoot without hitting James.

Shepard cursed and she might have panicked, seeing him go down. From Kaidan’s feed he could see the fear on her face as she moved position yet again. After several replays he saw when that fear had changed to anger and the soldier in her took charge. It was a stupid move on his part and he deserved the dressing down. Watching several more re-runs he could see what he should have done.

‘James.’

He glanced over his shoulder to find Shepard watching him. Pausing the vid he turned and leant against the bench, folding his arms across his chest. She stood at parade rest, shoulders back and head high but her eyes scanned his face. They weren’t cold and hard like they could be, they were uncertain, questioning.

‘Hey, Shepard,’ he dropped his arms and relaxed.

She glanced over his shoulder before looking back at him. ‘Is that the mission footage?’

‘Yeah,’ he moved aside so she could see it clearly. ‘I was watching it to see … well, to see if you were right.’

‘And?’

‘You’re always right, Lola,’ he scoffed and she finally relaxed.

‘Not always,’ she moved beside him. ‘What did you learn?’

He replayed the footage, ‘If I’d gone this way,’ he ran his finger across the screen, ‘then you and Kaidan wouldn’t have had to pull your shots. I still would have got to Garrus because your attacks would have drawn its attention.’ He sighed and stopped the playback.

‘You surprised me, you’re a good soldier James, you know better.’

‘Yeah, I guess … I just wanted to get to Garrus, to save him. Losing a team mate is not an option if I can help it.’

‘I get that, you know I do.’ She turned and looked out across the deck, settling her backside against his bench. ‘I also get that we were all tired, reactions slowed and thoughts became muddled. We can’t afford for that to happen, especially when we’re under fire.’

‘Yeah, I know, domino effect: one fucks up, all can fall.’

‘Hmm, drill Sergeant Morgan,’ she said and he nodded.

‘Pendejo always picked me to prove his point, especially when someone fucked up.’ His hands waved in the air as he spoke before falling back to his sides. ‘I think he’d have been on my back for this one.’

‘See, told you you’re a good soldier. He only did that to the ones he thought could handle it.’ She nudged his shoulder.

He tilted his head and studied her. She looked pale which made the dark circles around her eyes stand out. ‘So what’s the answer to tiredness?’

‘Practice, lots of practice,’ she rolled her eyes at him. ‘Seriously though, it’s one of the things they’ll teach you at ICT, how to focus under pressure. One mission had us going without sleep for three days before we were dropped into a hot zone. Wasn’t easy but we did it.’

She glanced out across the deck, avoiding his gaze. ‘They also teach you why sometimes you have to sacrifice your team members, make the choice on who lives or dies. According to them I shouldn’t have pulled my shot today.’ She looked him in the eye, ‘I should have fired on the banshee because Garrus was the one in danger and let you suffer the consequences, because your actions put you in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s one lesson I never understood because sacrificing a teammate is a last resort. I’ve had to make that decision before and I hope I never have to make it again.’

Her eyes dropped and she chewed on her bottom lip as her eyes watered. Kaidan lived because she’d had to make that decision. What he’d done today, mixed with exhaustion, had obviously dredged up unpleasant memories and he knew about those.

‘I’m sorry I put you in that position,’ he reached for her hand and wove his fingers through hers.

‘I’ll admit to being scared.’ She dropped her head onto his shoulder, ‘I can’t lose you James. I can’t fight this war without you.’

‘I’m not going anywhere Lola,’ he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it lightly as his stomach growled. ‘Except maybe to the mess.’ He pulled her along as he headed for the elevator. ‘I bet you haven’t eaten either.’

‘No. I’ve been too busy doing commandery stuff, like reports and talking to Hackett.’

‘Commandery stuff?’ He laughed at her shrug. ‘I did some things too. Told Joker to get us to the Citadel.’

Several of the crew were in the mess and Shepard grabbed seats beside Garrus and Kaidan while James got them food.

‘So, shore leave,’ Kaidan said as James joined them.

‘Yep,’ Shepard nodded, ‘as much as I hate the idea the Normandy needs some TLC.’

‘Not just the ship, Shepard.’ Garrus reminded her.

‘Hey, maybe we can go on a real date, maybe dancing,’ James leant in and smiled.

Garrus sprayed out his mouthful of drink, quickly reaching for a serviette to clean it up. ‘Dancing? Shepard?’

Laughter broke out over their heads. ‘Better have the medics on standby for all the flailing. She’s bound to hit someone.’

James didn’t get it. As an N7 graduate Shepard would have been taught to fit in anywhere, in any situation. Surely that would include dancing.

‘You’re telling me you can’t dance?’ He raised his eyebrows and looked at her.

‘Not unless you call shuffling and waving her arms around dancing,’ Kaidan answered.

He frowned as she looked at him, a smile tugging at her lips. She bit down on the bread in her hand as she ever so slightly lifted her brows.

‘Guess we’ll have to prove them wrong.’ He went back to his food.

‘Joker,’ Garrus looked at the ceiling, ‘when does the betting pool start because I want in on this one.’ He looked at James, his mandibles flared and his eyes narrowed. ‘I can’t not bet on a sure thing. All those credits will come in handy.’


	79. Chapter 79

 

**** 79 ****

James sat on the sofa, bare feet resting on the small table, scrolling through the messages he been ignoring for the last few hours. He still found it hard to believe and he lifted his head to take in his surroundings. The fire crackled softly, they didn't need it but he liked the atmosphere, it made the place cosy. Beyond that sat a well-stocked bar ready for use. It would be a great place to watch some bioti ball later. The kitchen had ample cupboard and surface space, his abuela would have loved it and it encouraged him to make use of it. He already had a shopping list for dinner and planned to surprise Shepard.

Shepard had almost bounced with excitement when she'd told him about the apartment and he'd been happy for her. They had been living together on the Normandy, so to speak, but when they'd arrived at the Citadel he'd expected to stay at the Alliance barracks so they didn't call attention to themselves.

Anderson had given it to her but she had insisted he share the apartment with her, that he call it his too, that he consider it home. So they'd moved in, together. They'd already made use of their bedroom and he had plans for the hot tub tonight. It felt like home already and lounging on the sofa in just a pair of sweatpants only deepened that feeling. The sound of footsteps drew his attention to the staircase and he grinned as Shepard descended to his level.

'What?' She scowled at him, 'do I have messy hair or something.'

He got up and stood before her, taking in the tight jeans and N7 leather jacket, his eyes roaming freely. She cleared her throat loudly and he laughed before pulling open the jacket front.

'I haven't seen you wear one of these for a while.'

He followed the line of her bright red singlet to where it revealed cleavage. He couldn't recall when she'd stopped wearing colour, only that she had, and seeing it now gave him hope that she would take advantage of their forced shore leave.

'It looks good.' He slid his hands inside the jacket and around her waist, the smooth fabric almost as good as bare skin. Her breath hitched. 'I'd better get to take it off later.'

He leaned in and kissed her, grinning against her lips as her arms slid around his neck, he pulled her against him as heat pooled in his groin and his trousers tightened. With a groan she pulled back and flattened her hands on his chest.

'If I have to be here I plan to make the most of it,' she smiled at him and rubbed her hips against his, chuckling as he let out a soft moan. 'Maybe I should tell Joker we'll meet later.'

'No, you should go, and then we can have the evening to ourselves with no interruptions. I plan on us using that hot tub.'

'I like the sound of that,' she purred and ran a finger around his nipple, raising goose bumps. 'I shouldn't be too long. I'm a bit disappointed that Joker didn't pick Charlies' place though.'

'We'll get to Charlies,' he kissed her forehead and slid his hands down her arms until her hands rested in his. 'We've got plenty of time but right now you'd better go before I change my mind.' He lifted her chin and kissed her softly.

'Enjoy the quiet,' she spun around him and walked backwards towards the door.

'Nah, Garrus asked me to meet him at Armax. He's got some new mods he wants to try out.'

'What, you don't get enough action?' She stopped and grinned at him, 'you just want to get your name on that leader board.'

'Hell yeah, right to the top.'

She laughed as she turned and walked away. 'Have fun.'

James stared at the closed door after she'd gone. _Dios, how did I get so lucky?_ Shaking of the self-doubt that crept in he turned and dashed upstairs. He hadn't lied about getting his name on the leader board and he couldn't wait to challenge Garrus. Half an hour later he left the apartment, fully armoured and ready to play.

'Hey Garrus,' he met the turian on the observation deck, watching a match in the arena below.

'I really wonder why people come in here,' he sighed and James followed his line of sight

Three men stood back to back below them, shooting wildly as husks surrounded them. Dressed in basic armour with only pistols in hand they stood little chance as the number of husks grew and overwhelmed them. The game finished when they disappeared under a pile of grey, blue bodies. All three came up laughing as the environment changed to the grid pattern of an empty arena.

'They're having fun.' James shrugged and Garrus snorted a laugh.

'Hope they never face the real thing.'

'Garrus, you old bastard. Don't have enough shooting on the battlefield?'

They both turned to find Zaeed Massni sauntering towards them, his armour and weapons made him look deadly, and more than one woman turned as he passed by.

'Massani,' Garrus chuckled and held out his hand, which Zaeed took willingly. 'At least I've been on the battlefield.'

'Bastard,' Zaeed chuckled. 'Been doing my share of helping.'

'Yeah, I heard, gathering supplies.'

'Damn Shadow Broker, keeping tabs on me.' He scowled but James could see he wasn't serious. 'Heading back to Earth soon, just waiting on a ride.'

'Well if you want some practice you're welcome to join us.' Garrus looked at James, 'if you have no objection.'

'Nah, the more the merrier. Hope you can keep up old man.'

'Goddamned Shepard is rubbing off on you. Bring it on.' He clamped his hand on James' shoulder as they turned towards the steps. 'Watch and learn kid.'

James had to admit, Massani handled himself well, for an old guy. They shot their way through the first round with ease even though Garrus had picked one of the harder, more experienced levels.

'Is that your old bones I can hear creaking Massani,' James quipped as they waited for the next round to load.

'I'm surprised you can hear anything with all that goddamned yelling you're doing.'

'Just getting their attention, making sure you can catch your breath.'

'Damn your –.'

James and Garrus' omnitools started buzzing and didn't stop. They glanced at each other in surprise before opening them up.

'Where the fuck are you guys.' Joker's frantic voice put James instantly on edge.

'What's wrong Joker?' Garrus asked first.

'Shepard's in trouble. Some woman, Brooks I think, found us in the restaurant, it was a set-up. There were these mercs, they shot up the place. Shepard fell through the fish tank which happened to be the floor.'

James dashed for the exit, 'Where is she?'

'Somewhere in the bowels of the citadel, fuck I don't know.'

'We're on our way.' Garrus almost crashed into James as he waited for the door to open and let them out. 'James you go find Shepard, I'll find the others.'

'Joker are you okay?' James pushed aside a woman who stepped in front of him, how she didn't see three heavily armed men charging towards her he had no idea.

'She used me as bait.' Joker cursed as James laughed. 'Not funny Vega, she used the cripple as bait.'

'Hey, you're alive aren't you, she got you out of there. But you would have been a good distraction.'

'Fuck you.'

'Joker, where are you?' Garrus interrupted.

'Just picked up a skycar, on my way to get Kaidan and Steve. I can swing by and pick you up.'

'Not waiting around,' James said, turning to leave. 'Shepard needs help. Now.'

'Go,' Garrus waved him on, 'I'll see what we can find out from C-Sec and we'll catch up.'

James ran. 'EDI, show me the quickest way to Shepard.'

'The quickest way is through the Keeper tunnels.'

'Just get me there, EDI.' Pounding footsteps behind him made him glance over his shoulder to find Zaeed on his heels.

'Thought you might need a hand.'

James nodded and kept running. EDI's route led him through narrow corridors, down dark passageways and past dozens of Keepers. At any other time he would have been curious, stopping to look around, but not now. The Keepers completely ignored him, some seemed to be sleeping, others worked on consoles that did god knows what. But they left him alone.

'Shepard.'

He cursed as she didn't respond. It had to be because of his surroundings. He had to believe that. The thump of their footsteps echoed off the walls and the dim light made everything appear red. They were deep within the citadel and its crushing weight closed in around him, his boots were lead weights and his legs heavy as he lifted them taking one fast step after another that didn't seem fast enough.

It had nothing to do with his fear for Shepard, his panicked thought that she might be gone, that he would get there too late. He pushed aside the nagging voice that whispered in his ear, telling him he failed again. He was better than that now otherwise Shepard wouldn't love him or consider him an equal. His warrior queen would be holding her own, taking down the enemy as she always did. But he had no doubt she'd appreciate an assist.

They burst through a door onto an open pathway, a railing the only thing keeping them from plummeting over the edge as it stopped them dead.

'Fucking hell.' Zaeed panted and looked down.

James could only agree as he sucked in air, his chest aching from the effort. Below them the citadel dropped away, disappearing into nothing. Looking up they could see lights some distance overhead. James would bet no human had ever seen this. But they weren't there for sightseeing.

'Shepard, can you hear me?'

'James.'

'Damn, Lola, you scared the shit out of me.' He took a moment to enjoy the relief her voice sent through him. 'I'm on my way, are you okay.'

'Yeah, could use the help though, it's getting a bit dicey.'

'So you're not having fun then.'

The pathway bounced under their hurried footfalls and James hoped it would hold them as they kept moving.

'Oh yeah, having an absolute blast.'

'Excuse me,' an unfamiliar voice broke in. 'You're on an open channel and you're putting Commander Shepard at risk.'

'I'm what?' James frowned and Zaeed snorted a laugh behind him.

'Joker mentioned Brooks,' Shepard said, gunfire sounding behind her words. 'That's her. Play nice.'

James had no time to respond as they crashed through a door and straight into a bunch of mercs. Zaeed cursed and they both rolled into cover as the mercs opened fire. Risking a glance James counted eight and indicated to Zaeed who readied his rifle.

The mercs scattered as James lobbed a grenade and he took advantage of their confusion. Zaeed's rifle sounded as he popped up from behind crates and together they took down four of the eight. The four remaining were between James and where he needed to go, and they were bunkered down. He cursed and searched for way through.

'I've got this, you run.' Zaeed said as he reloaded.

On a three count James shot to his feet as Zaeed opened fire. Charging across the room he slammed the butt of his rifle into the visor of a merc who tried to stop him. The merc went down in a screaming heap as the other three stayed low and out of reach of Zaeed's shots. James didn't stop though, careening through a doorway into yet another corridor. He didn't think he could move any faster but the sound of alarms made him pick up speed.

'Shepard, what's with the alarms?'

'Just keeping things interesting.'

He laughed, 'keeping them on their toes with your crazy huh?' He could finally see the car lot and he slowed his pace, not wanting to charge into another band of mercs. 'Who are these guys?'

'Don't know,' she paused as she fired. 'They have guns and don't like me.'

'Business as fucking usual then.' Zaeed's laughter echoed in James' ears.

'That's great, Shepard. Not helping.'

'Commander, it would be really great if you could stay off the coms.' Brooks interrupted and James decided he didn't like her.

'Hey, they called me.'

'Almost there, Lola,' James informed her.

He crept through a doorway from what appeared to be offices into the showroom, the sound of muted conversation ahead making him cautious. With the lock down in place he doubted he'd find civilians waiting for him.

Keeping low, he sidled up to a car and peeked over the top. The showroom office sat to his left, the door locked and he could just make out a shadow behind the tinted windows. Staff probably. To his right he could see the landing platform, outside a locked gate that they would need opened. Across the showroom two mercs waited by a closed door, their backs to him, probably waiting for Shepard. Inhaling quietly he stood up.

'Hey.'

He grinned as they turned but he gave them no time to bring their guns to bear. Two shots and they went down with a clean hole through their visors and into their heads. He looked up as the door opened and Shepard stepped through. He sauntered across the room, stowing his rifle as she lowered her weapon and stared at him.

'Having a bad day, Lola?'

'I've had better.'

He scanned her up and down, making sure she wasn't injured, and arousal hit him full in the groin. Her clothes were still damp, her hair clung to her neck, there were rips in her jeans showing the creamy skin of her thighs but she glowed from the aftermath of battle. _Fuck she's gorgeous_. The idea of taking her over the bonnet of a car almost made him moan aloud. As if reading his mind she smirked at him and he cleared his throat, swallowing hard at the hunger in her eyes.

'We'll need to get the guy in the office to open the gates.' He indicated over his shoulder as she walked towards him, putting extra sway into her steps. 'Do you know how hot you look right now?'

She smiled and placed her hands on his chest. 'As hot as you, I'll bet.' She leant up on her toes and her lips brushed his. 'My knight in shining armour.' She pulled back and stepped around him.

He turned and watched her walk towards the office, her ass perfectly contoured in her tight jeans. She glanced at him over her shoulder and he shifted his hips, trying to get comfortable in armour that had become too tight.

'Right, open the gates.' He trotted to her side, grinning as she laughed.

They reached the window as Zaeed came through the doorway and James had a moment of guilt for not going back to make sure he was okay. From the grin plastered on his face, James needn't have worried.

'Shepard. Having fun?'

'Always. Thanks for the assist.'

'Any time, you know I like a good fight.'

She raised her pistol to shoot the window.

'Hey,' James pushed her arm down and knocked instead. 'Can you open the gates please?'

The volus behind the glass flicked a switch. 'Please leave.'

Shepard laughed at James' cocky grin. 'Well I could have done that.'

Stepping out onto the platform as a shuttle approached James couldn't wait to get back to their apartment, to strip out of their clothes and take advantage of the hot tub. The shuttle supposedly meant for them opened up to reveal more mercs, who opened fire forcing them to dive for cover behind a half wall with nowhere to run. They were stuck.

'This day just keeps getting better.' He muttered and Shepard and Zaeed grunted in agreement.

A thunderous bellow from above followed by a deafening crash made the platform shudder. Glancing over the wall they gaped at the ruined shuttle as a krogan threw mercs off the platform, out the other side of the shuttle and generally caused havoc until they were all taken down.

'Wrex.' Shepard walked forward. 'What are you doing here?'

'Oh, you know, butting heads with the Council over krogan expansion.' He picked up a Geth Spitfire and tossed it to Shepard who grinned and slipped the pistol into the waistband of her jeans.

'You do know we're at war Wrex,' she said and he laughed.

'I'm not dumb Shepard. But you know how hard it is to get the Council to listen - it takes years. Thought I'd get in early.'

James shook his head with a laugh and Shepard glanced at him. 'What, he's right and you know it.'

The sound of rapidly approaching footsteps had them dashing back to cover. Mercs came from both sides of the showroom and through the roof. They were outnumbered, out gunned and pinned down. That didn't stop Wrex though. He roared and barrelled forward.

Following his lead the three of them spread out and did their best to take out the enemy. But they kept coming. James charged across an open space to help Wrex who had more mercs surrounding him than he could handle. He took out two mercs, which gave Wrex an opening and he joined James behind his limited cover. They were squashed, but it worked.

'Hey Shepard,' Wrex yelled and James flinched. 'Didn't we used to win these things?'

'Working on it, Wrex.' Shepard called from somewhere across the room. 'Shut up and shoot.'

Wrex's laugh rumbled deep in his chest and he nudged James, 'One hell of a woman isn't she?'

'Don't I know it,' he leant around the wall and shot out the knees of a merc. 'I did ask her to marry me.'

'You've got a quad, I'll give you that.'

Before he could respond Wrex charged towards three mercs, knocking them down like bowling pins. 'I am Krogan.' He continued across the room, charging and chasing down mercs. 'Where you going, princess.'

James couldn't help but laugh as they kept shooting. Joker finally arrived and they fought their way back to the landing pad, rushing on board so Joker could get them to safety. They gasped for breath, glancing at each other and grinning.

'Hell of a day, Shepard.' Zaeed chuckled and they burst into laughter as the rush of fighting for their lives slowly dissipated. 'Hell of a day.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made a slight change to things because I wanted to use Zaeed as part of the Citadel DLC. I love his character and I couldn't picture him just sitting around on the docks. Hope you liked it.


	80. Chapter 80

**** 80 ****

Once they reached the apartment James followed Shepard upstairs while Wrex looked after Brooks downstairs. She headed for the bathroom but he grabbed her hand and spun her towards him.

'Are you really okay. That was one hell of a fall, Andy.'

He looked her up and down for the third time and she blew out a breath. Her clothing had saved her from the worst of the fall, yes her jeans were ripped but if she'd been wearing a dress … he didn't want to think about the damage she could have suffered.

'I'm fine, really, a few bruises but nothing broken.' She cupped his face, 'but I love you for worrying.'

'Guess fish tanks aren't your thing.' He smiled as she scowled at him.

'Hey, it wasn't my fault.'

He placed his hands on her cheeks and pulled her in for a kiss, the taste of salt making him smile. Her eyes opened slowly as they parted and he loved her for not hiding her emotions as she stared at him.

'Maybe I should get some lemon and tequila and lick that salt from your body.'

'I'd love that but we have company.'

'Damn, Lola, you know how to spoil my fun.'

'I'll make it up to you,' she kissed him lightly and headed for the shower.

Stripping out of his armour he stepped into the shower as she stepped out and wrapped a towel around herself. The cuts on her legs were more obvious but luckily not deep or open and he could see bruises forming that would be sore for a while. Her injuries became unimportant as she slowly looked him over and licked her lips, smiling as his body reacted to her heated stare.

'If you don't get out of here I might not want to control myself.' He worked up a lather with the soap and slid his hands over his chest, across his abdomen and around his growing erection, slowly sliding his hand up and down his length.

'You're a tease, James Vega.' She groaned and left the room.

Which left him with a hard on and frustrated. Damn that woman. He turned down the water temperature and hurriedly washed himself before following her into the bedroom. She had already dressed, not in uniform as he expected but in casual trousers and a shirt. If comfort was the order of the day he could handle that and he slipped on a pair of jeans and his well-worn alliance t-shirt.

'Looking good, Lola,' he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her against him. 'I like you in casual.'

'I thought you liked me naked,' she leaned back and looked up at him.

'Well, yeah,' he kissed her nose, 'but I have to take what I can get.'

Wrex bellowed and she sighed before pulling herself erect and walking away. Heading downstairs, he had no doubt he wouldn't like what they'd discover about those that were after her.

The moment Brooks started talking his skin prickled. His something's not right itch became incessant and he rubbed the back of his neck to try to ease the discomfort. She might be right about not involving anyone else because of the risk, but her babbling about being shot, using too much medigel and the exuberant hero worship grated on his nerves. It took all his control to not zone out as she droned on about her cat and her job.

'Like if someone used an Admiral's code to get into a nightclub when that Admiral is fighting on Tuchanka.'

James was instantly alert. A glance at Shepard told him that she'd noticed that too. It surprised him that they couldn't hear her teeth grinding from the tension in her jaw.

'Since when does hacking personnel records involve heavy weapons fire?' Wrex asked and James nodded.

'Think of what criminals could do if they had Shepard's military or Spectre codes.' Brooks replied.

'Explains why they want you dead, Shepard.' Wrex huffed a laugh and she frowned at him.

'So much for shore leave.' She sighed and James made a silent promise to make sure she got some down time before they went back to the war. 'We need to find out who these people are and stop them.'

'That pistol looks interesting.' Wrex nodded to the weapon on the table.

'Yeah,' she picked it up and had a closer look at it. 'It packs a punch for its size.'

They all looked up as the door opened and Liara joined them. James caught a look from Brooks as Liara suggested she might be able to help. Brooks had shut up, but her eyes were cold and hard. A shiver ran down his back and he shifted a little closer to the fire.

'I am glad to see you're in one piece,' Liara said, waiting for Glyph to scan the pistol. 'Shame about the sushi place though, it was a favourite.'

Shepard grimaced but Liara smiled and James hid his grin behind a cough. The door hissed open and Joker walked in, followed by the rest of the team. James didn't miss the way Shepard's eyes dropped or that her shoulders sagged before she put on her Commander mask. Shore leave had flown out the door as they entered.

Liara set to work with Glyph while Brooks looked over her shoulder. James watched Shepard as she spoke to everyone in turn and as he leant against the kitchen counter Wrex came to stand beside him. They both followed Shepard's path from person to person and Wrex broke the silence as she headed upstairs to talk to Garrus.

'She's tired.'

'Yeah,' James sighed and nodded. 'This war is hard on her. Everyone wants something, needs her to do things and expects her to protect them all. This break was supposed to be a chance for her to get away from all that.'

'Garrus tells me you've been taking some of her load.'

'Trying, but she's so damn stubborn.'

Wrex chuckled, 'always has been.' He placed his hand on James' shoulder, its weight pushing him down and he braced himself. 'Show her who's boss and make her get some rest.'

James laughed at him, 'we are talking about the same Shepard here, right.'

'I like you, kid. You're just what she needs.' Wrex's booming laugh drew attention and Garrus called down from upstairs.

'Wrex, hope you're not hurting James, Shepard will have your ass if you do.'

'She can try.'

'I heard that,' Shepard yelled from somewhere over their heads.

'Be careful,' Joker walked towards them, lifting his face to the upper level and raising his voice, 'she might use you as bait.'

'Consider the fish,' EDI called from the other room. 'She killed them all.'

'Ha, ha, laugh it up,' Shepard bounced down the stairs, her smile infectious and James grinned. 'You're all comedians. I should never have agreed to shore leave.'

'We're on shore leave?' Garrus leant further over the rail and she looked up at him. 'It was what, all of five minutes before someone started shooting at you. That's your idea of shore leave?'

'Hey, it wasn't entirely her fault.' Steve came to her defence as he and Kaidan walked from the back room, grinning as he added, 'this is what happens when you have lunch with Joker.'

'Hardy har,' Joker scoffed, a grin on his face.

'He doesn't make good bait either,' Kaidan deadpanned and everyone looked at him. 'We don't have any fish for dinner.' Groans echoed around him and he shrugged, his lips lifting in a half smile.

'Shepard, I think I've got something.' Liara called and a heavy weight settled over them like a thick blanket.

Once they all gathered around the table Liara informed them she'd found the source of the weapon, which meant they had a mission. Infiltrating the casino should be easy, with the people Shepard collected they had someone for every occasion. Going up against Cat6 soldiers; unpredictable, they weren't discharged from the Alliance for handing out lollipops to small children.

Cold fingers crept up his back and he shivered, this wasn't a simple snatch and grab, something else was going on here, he knew it. But they could only work with what they had.

'That phone call was pretty damning stuff,' Shepard tilted her head and looked at Liara, 'how did you get it?'

'It involved the weapons biometric data, salarian intelligence and a hanar prostitute with camera implants.' Everyone gaped at her.

'Seriously?'

'No,' Liara shook her head, 'but the truth is boring.'

When the laughter had settled down Shepard pulled their focus back onto the mission at hand. The chance to get information from Khan sounded good, until Liara pointed out he had a panic room. Ideas bounced around the table, even Brooks put in her two cents worth but it came down to sneaking in undetected and getting out the same way.

What he didn't like was them relying on Brooks, giving her the job of opening up their path. He wanted to scratch the skin off his neck because the constant itch he got around Brooks drove him nuts, especially when she started throwing out excuses about why it shouldn't be her. It came across as false.

He had to trust that Shepard shared some of his doubt, he only suspected she did from the almost unnoticeable tightening around her eyes whenever Brooks opened her mouth. Luck played into their hands with the benefit at the casino and while he would love to be at her side he figured she'd take Kaidan or Garrus for their tech skills.

'We have one final hurdle,' Liara pointed out.

'Which is?' Shepard frowned at her.

'Black tie required.'

James chuckled at the scowl on Shepard's face. He'd gathered long ago that she hated formal events, especially when she couldn't get away with her dress blues. He'd never seen her in a dress, never expected to, except maybe on their wedding day, but he couldn't deny he looked forward to it.

'James, hope you've got a tux.' She looked at him and seemed to get a perverse pleasure from seeing him flustered.

'I can get one,' he nodded, 'but I thought you'd need a tech team on this one.'

'Oh, they'll be there, we can get enough tickets.' She looked at Liara who nodded. 'Kaidan and Garrus you'd better dig out your finery as well.'

'So I miss out.' Wrex grumbled, 'I'm not good enough to be your date, Shepard?'

'You can be Liara's date.' Shepard sighed. 'Okay, who else wants to come?' Steve put his hand up and she turned to Joker and Tali. 'You guys want to stay behind?'

'I wouldn't fit in.' Tali waved her hands up and down her body. 'Quarians aren't welcome in places like that because of the tech in our suits.'

'Same with EDI,' Joker folded his arms across his chest as his cheeks flushed. 'It's not fair she misses out so I'll stay with her.'

'I would not be offended if you wish to go, Jeff.' The tenderness in her voice caught Joker off guard and he fish mouthed at her.

'It's fine, EDI,' he finally spluttered. 'Besides, me in a tux, not going to happen. I couldn't wear my cap.'

James saw Shepard hide a grin behind her hand and he turned away so Joker wouldn't catch him smiling.

'Shepard, if it's all right with you I'd like to sit this one out.' Garrus said.

'You okay Garrus?' Shepard looked at him and worry made her forehead wrinkle.

'Yeah, a little tired. You've got enough hands on this.'

All right then,' Shepard looked at Liara. 'Make sure they all have tickets and lets do this. We have a couple of hours to kill so make the most of it.'

The group broke up and James watched Shepard head for the stairs before turning to Garrus.

'You really okay, Scars?'

'Yeah, but something doesn't feel right about this whole thing.'

'I hear you.'

'Me too,' Wrex said as he joined them. 'I'm going to check a few things out while you all enjoy yourself, parties aren't my thing.' He nodded and left.

'Shepard's going to hit him.'

'I think he likes to stir things up.' Garrus watched him leave before continuing. 'I know Tali and EDI can take care of themselves but having an extra gun around wouldn't hurt. Besides, Joker will need protecting.'

'You expecting trouble?' James frowned at him, thankful that his instincts weren't the only ones going insane.

'It never hurts to be prepared.' He sighed and leant against the table, looking at the artwork on the wall. 'I'm getting a bad feeling about this.'

'You think it's a trap, Cerberus maybe?

'Don't know,' he straightened placed his hand on James' shoulder. 'Just be careful.'

'Always. Hey, while we're gone you guys might want to look into these Cat6, see if you can find out where they come from, who hired them.'

'Will do.'

James left him and headed upstairs. He found Shepard sitting cross-legged on the bed, her face screwed up as she studied something on her omnitool.

'You okay, Lola?'

'No, I hate formal and I have nothing to wear.' She moaned and flopped backwards onto the bed.

James laughed as he sat beside her and she hit his arm playfully.

'It's not funny.' She groaned and stared at the ceiling.

'You have time to go shopping. Hey, we could go together, I have to organise a tux.'

'Really,' she turned towards him, 'you'd go shopping with me.'

'Hell yeah. I get to see you try on dresses.'

'No.' She jumped up and hurried towards the door.

'Lola?' He rushed to keep up.

'Liara,' she called as she descended the stairs. 'I need a good dress shop and somewhere for the boys to get their tuxedoes.'

'Of course, Shepard.' Liara said as she sent addresses to both their omnitools.

'Fuck this,' Shepard cursed then looked around the apartment. 'Okay ladies, let's go shopping. EDI, you too.'

'I have never been shopping,' EDI followed Shepard to the door as the group of women gathered. 'I am looking forward to the experience.'

'Well, there goes the neighbourhood.' Joker scoffed as they disappeared through the door.

'Guess we'd better move too,' James looked over his shoulder at Kaidan and Steve.

'I'll head to the docks, check in with Zaeed, see if he's found anything.' Garrus walked backwards towards the exit. 'I'm sure you don't need me to help you buy suits.'

'Joker, you're with us.' James grabbed his arm gently as the pilot went to sit down.

'What? I don't need a suit and I'll only slow you down.'

'No you won't and if we have to go through this so do you. You can give us your opinion.'

'Now that's frightening.' Kaidan said as they stepped into the hallway.

Joker scoffed. 'I know how to dress right when I have too.'

'Which is why you're coming with.' James chuckled at Joker's annoyed stare.

'You really know how to spoil a man's day.' Joker grumbled as they waited for a skycar.

'It could be fun,' Steve pointed out and Joker glared at him. 'I know I'm going to enjoy this.'

'Yeah, but that's only because you get to see Alenko dressed up.'

'Can't think of a better reason.'

Two hours later James stood in the lounge room fiddling with the collar of his jacket, waiting for Shepard to get ready. He'd returned home and received a message that he wasn't to come upstairs, no men allowed. He couldn't wait to see what Lola had bought and the sound of the door opening drew his attention to the stairs.

He stepped past the dividing wall and the first thing he saw were silver toe nails and delicate feet cradled by black straps on a slim heel. He followed the line of slender calves to the hem of the dress, which rested above the knee, black fabric flowing down to drape across the back of her ankles.

The folds of the fabric guided his eyes up to her waist and above that to where the plummeting neckline began, the wide V held together with thin strips of something shiny, throwing light around her as she moved. Her neck was bare and he swallowed hard as he met lips shaded light red, lips that he so badly wanted to kiss.

Her eyes shone. Lashes thick and dark, making the amber seem even darker, he'd seen them like that when she was aroused but this … he couldn't take credit for this. Hair that usually hung around her face had been curled, pulled up on one side and held with some kind of clip. Soft waves hugged her face where it was still down and it bounced lightly as she descended the steps.

She was a vision of absolute beauty. She'd always been beautiful to him but now she had become ethereal, an angel walking towards him.

'Fuck me.' He realised he'd said it aloud when she grinned at him.

'I'd love to but we have to go out.'

'Ew,' Joker said from behind him, 'too much information, Shepard. Looking good though.'

'You approve?' She ignored Joker and met his eyes.

'Holy shit I approve,' he took her hand and turned her under his arm, the dress flowing out around her and he realised it was backless except for the crossover straps. 'Damn, Lola, you expect me to concentrate on something other than you tonight.'

'All part of the mission, James,' she leaned up and kissed him, shivering as his hands rested on the bare skin of her back. 'You won't be the only one thinking about things other than the mission. You look damn hot in a tux you know, I'll have to keep all the other women off you.'

'What other women,' he glanced around and she raised an eyebrow. 'There's only one woman I can see.'

'All right Romeo,' she slipped her arm through his, 'let's go.'

'You're the boss.' He placed his hand over hers. 'Everyone else has gone ahead so we don't all arrive at the same time.'

'Good. All we have to do now is get to Khan.'

He glowed. He was sure of it as they stepped onto the red carpet, having her on his arm giving him a reason to stand proud. She smiled and waved, playing nice to the crowd even though she hated the pomp. Once inside though all pretence disappeared as they got to work. They might be dressed in finery but they were still soldiers with a job to do, and they were good at that.


	81. Chapter 81

**** 81 ****

He struggled not to laugh. James stood to one side of the varren race tables, observing the races but not really focussing on them. Brooks had already needed their help but he hoped they could get through the rest of the mission without hearing her panicked voice. Behind him Shepard worked on the camera and security while to his right Kaidan distracted the guard. His earpiece allowed him to hear the conversation, which he watched with sideways glances, and Kaidan deserved an award for his performance.

' _I lost a lot of money. Who can I talk to about getting it back?'_

' _I'm sorry, sir, but you can't get it back.'_

James almost lost it when Kaidan's face creased up and his bottom lip trembled.

' _Oh no,'_ the guard began to panic. _'Please, sir, please don't cry.'_

' _But I lost this week's rent money, and we'll have no food.'_

Kaidan slumped and James had to cover his mouth as the guard reached out and held him before he crumpled to the floor.

' _Please, sir, let me take you somewhere more private so you can pull yourself together.'_

' _I can't, my husband will hate me.'_

Kaidan leant against the guard who had no idea what to do.

' _What's going on?'_

Steve approached them, his forehead creased and his anger evident.

' _Do you know this man sir?'_

The guard welcomed Steve with open relief on his face.

' _Of course I do, he's my husband.'_

' _I'm sorry sir, but he's upset over losing his money.'_

An arm slipped through James' and he could feel Shepard shaking as she fought down her own laughter.

'I'm done.'

Steve put his arm around Kaidan, pulling him in close as he curled into his chest.

' _Come on honey, let's get you home.'_

Steve led Kaidan away, gently cooing until they were out of earshot of the guard. James and Shepard casually walked across the casino to the other side where another panel waited.

'Is this what it's like when you go undercover?' James asked as they stopped to sip drinks while never taking their eyes of those around them.

'Sometimes. Usually I'm alone so I have to rely on my own skills.'

'So how would you handle this mission on your own?'

'You forget, I'm an engineer.' She grinned and looked up at him. 'I would have spent several days casing the place if I had time. Infiltrating their machines is simple if you know what you're doing. Using those machines as a distraction is easy. Spill a drink on a guard because you're drunk and he has to go clean up.'

'So I'm here to help you look normal.'

'Kinda, but it's much more fun with someone along.' She squeezed his arm as they reached the roulette tables. 'Gotta go to work.'

James gave her a slight nod as they stood beside the table, discreetly watching the guards as they walked a set pattern. It was stupid really, it made it too easy. Snatching a drink from a passing waiter James left her side and moved into the path of one guard. A step or two later he stumbled. Reaching out he grabbed the guard's arm to steady himself and successfully poured his drink down the front of his uniform.

'Oh man,' James slurred his words and rubbed the guards' chest. 'I'm s – sorry.'

'Sir, it's fine,' the guard fought to brush away James' hands as they ran over his body. 'I'll take care of it.' Moving away he let the other guard know he had to clean up.

The second guard had to change his path but before he could turn James approached him.

'Hey,' he stepped in front of him. 'Can we talk shop for a minute. What kind of resume do you need to work here?'

'If you're really interested we have an extranet site with the details.'

'And would you be my trainer,' James moved closer and ran his hand up the guard's arm. 'You know, in a private training room.' He leant forward and the guard almost stumbled in his haste to escape.

'Sir, please go away.'

'Are you sure that's what you want?' James stepped after him.

'Yes, sir. Go away or I will have you removed.'

'Fine.' James held up his hands and stepped back. 'But you don't know what you're missing.'

Shepard stood in a doorway watching, a smile on her face as he walked towards her. Turning as he came alongside they linked fingers and she chuckled.

'Nice work.'

'Just getting in some practice.'

'I didn't know you had it in you Mr Vega.' Steve laughed as he and Kaidan approached from an opposite doorway.

'I have talents, Esteban.'

'Yes he does,' Shepard agreed. 'He's good at -.'

'Change of subject,' Kaidan interrupted. 'How is Brooks doing?'

'It's quiet so I assume she's okay.' Shepard said with a chuckle, accepting a drink from a passing waiter before casually putting it down on a table.

The next room tested their teamwork, the smaller size of the area working against them as they had to distract two guards and keep out of view of three cameras. Shepard's skill with tech still amazed James, turned him on if he was honest, as she worked on the first camera. James stood in the middle of the room, blocking the view of the second guard while Kaidan distracted the closer one.

'Mike Hazer? Hazer the Laser? Almost didn't recognize you. You owe me money.'

The guard looked him up and down, holding up his hand to keep Kaidan at bay.

'I'm sorry. You have me mistaken. Please step back.'

'Are you sure, you look like him.'

'No, sir, I am not him.'

'Okay then.'

Kaidan stepped back but remained in view of the first guard as Shepard moved to the next camera. He pulled Steve against the wall and they proceeded to make out, rather heavily, which meant the guard had to keep his eye on them. James choked down his laughter behind a cough as he approached the second guard.

'Hey! Pervo! Did I just see you staring at my chica's ass?'

'I assure you I wasn't. In fact, I'm not even certain which lady is yours.'

'I'd better not find out you are.' James leant against the wall as Shepard ducked behind him to the last camera. 'Oh yeah, there's a drunk guy out in the corridor, harassing people, spilling his drinks and he looked like he was about to throw up. You might want to go check him out.'

'Thank you, sir.' The guard let out a long sigh and James felt a moment of pity for him. 'I will do that.'

The guard left the room and James rolled around the corner of the wall as Brooks stepped out of the shadows. They followed Shepard into Khan's panic room.

Forty minutes later they were back at the apartment, no closer to figuring out who wanted Shepard dead or why. Shepard handed the wiped hard drive over to Liara who set to work with EDI and Brooks. More than once James saw Liara glance up at Brooks, a frown creasing her forehead.

James left them to it and headed for the bar where he found Garrus and Zaeed with drinks in hand. Undoing his jacket he reached under the counter and pulled out a bottle.

'Long night,' Garrus said as James poured a tequila.

'Yeah.' He took a sip and the burn as it ran down his throat helped him relax. 'Hopefully they can get something off those drives or it was a waste of time.'

'You think Khan killed himself?'

'Hard to say.'

'He's a shady bastard,' Zaeed leant on the bar. 'Got some deals going that even the Blue Suns would be proud of.'

'Yeah, a few people at the party said the same.' James finished his drink and poured a second.

'You know, if someone's after Shepard we should look at beefing up security in this place.' Zaeed waved his almost empty glass around the room. 'It's fancy but there are weak spots everywhere.'

'We should check the place out, see what we can change,' Garrus agreed and James had visions of a turret greeting him at the door. 'So, Brooks.' He glanced across to the kitchen and dropped his voice. 'She did what she needed to do?'

'Seemed like it.'

'But?'

James blew out a breath. 'She supposedly tripped an alarm getting into the panic room. Blamed herself for Khan's death, for making a mistake. But something felt off. And she didn't look happy when Lola told us to take the drives.' He glanced over his shoulder, 'I don't think hearing that voice on the vidcom surprised her either.'

'I learned a long time ago to trust my goddamned instincts. They've kept me alive.'

'I spoke to Bailey,' Garrus ignored Zaeed. 'There hasn't been anything reported to C-Sec, considering events down in the wards that's … troubling.'

'How could they not know, that shit fight had to attract attention.' James looked from Garrus to Zaeed. 'Do they have someone on the inside? Why did no-one from the restaurant report it?'

'Apparently the floor of the restaurant cracked but everyone was evacuated before it shattered.' Garrus sighed, 'It's being put down to faulty workmanship.'

'Goddamn bullshit, that's what it is.' Zaeed slammed his hand on the bar, 'this is bigger than any of us realise. These Cat6 don't just bloody waltz in and start shooting and nobody says a goddamn thing.'

'I had a quiet word to Bailey and he's doing some investigating of his own.' Garrus stood up and clapped Zaeed on the shoulder, 'let's go see what we can do about this place.'

James finished his drink and headed upstairs. Shepard had gone to change but hadn't returned and he wanted to get out of his tux. He stopped in the doorway to their room, crossed his arms over his chest and leant against the door frame, a smile on his lips.

That explained why she hadn't come back down. He remained by the door, taking in the beautiful woman on the bed, curled up asleep. The only thing she'd removed before lying down were her shoes. Whether she meant to fall asleep or not he didn't know, but she looked so relaxed he didn't have the heart to wake her. Her sleep patterns of late were not good, she barely slept some nights and he worried about her.

Kicking off his shoes he padded across the room, covered her carefully with a blanket and very lightly brushed stray hair off her face. His chest felt too small for his heart as it pounded in his ears and threatened to explode. He loved her with every inch of his being and seeing her like this, vulnerable and stress free, only deepened his feelings. Imagining life without her brought nothing but pain. He knew in his heart he might not be able to save her but he vowed to try, to make the most of every moment they had together, all the way to the end.

Quietly grabbing his clothes he hurriedly changed in the bathroom and headed back downstairs, closing the bedroom door as he left. Kaidan and Steve arrived as he reached the ground floor, both changed and relaxed.

'Didn't expect to see you two tonight.' He grinned as he met them by the kitchen. 'Thought you might have other things on your mind.'

'Who says we didn't,' Kaidan raised his eyebrows at him.

'Whoa,' James held up his hand, 'don't need to know.'

'You started this.' Kaidan grinned as Steve chuckled. 'I am hungry though, might have worked up an appetite.'

'You're always hungry,' Joker joined them from the lounge room.

James' stomach took that as a hint and rumbled loud enough for those beside him to hear.

'Maybe we should order pizza.' He shrugged, brought up his omnitool to get the menu from the nearby pizza place.

'I could go a pizza,' Kaidan looked at Steve who nodded.

James placed an order with something for everyone then busied himself in the kitchen, starting up the coffee machine, laying out a selection of drinks and generally playing host as muted conversation went on around him. The idea of spending time with family and friends over pizza, or some good home cooking, appealed to him. Maybe when they ended the war they could do it more often.

'James.' Liara appeared at his side and he almost dropped the cup in his hand. 'I think we might have something. Where is Shepard?'

'She's asleep but if you've got info I'll go wake her.'

'I hate to say yes, she is exhausted. But we have discovered something.'

The door bell chimed and James stepped around Liara to answer it.

'I'll get it,' Shepard walked down the stairs and continued past the kitchen.

'So much for resting.' James muttered and Liara rubbed his arm before moving back to the table.

'Did someone order pizza.' Shepard returned with a volus in tow.

'Yeah, we got the munchies,' James said as he took the pizzas and transferred payment. 'Pizzas up.' He called, placing the boxes on the bench before turning to Shepard. 'Thought you might still be asleep. I would have woken you.'

'I know. Thank you for the blanket.' She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. 'What did I miss?'

'Nothing so far, although Liara says they've found something.'

'All right then.' Grabbing a slice of pizza on the way she crossed to the table.

James followed, picking up his own food and settling beside her. Everyone ate as they talked, although the pizza took a back seat to the discovery of the weapons cache Khan had amassed. He had enough to outfit a small army, mechs included.

Joker had a dig at EDI for missing her opportunity to show off by letting Brooks do the work. James had to swallow hard to keep down the pizza he'd eaten as Brooks gushed about how they were all legends, that she felt humbled to be in their company. She really had a sickening effect on him and he could feel the revulsion rolling off Shepard even though she looked calm.

Glyph dashed into the centre of the table and flashed.

'The synthetic is about to attack.' Javik's hand glowed green before Liara calmed him with a touch.

'I have just registered Commander Shepard's spectre access codes being used in the Citadel Archives.' Glyph informed them.

Once they worked out what the Archives were and how to find them Shepard had them on the move. After listening to them whinge about not being on her team she ordered everyone to meet at the Archives in thirty minutes. All bar one person.

'Brooks, go back to your office, or wherever it is you work from and try to find more information about what's going on here. The more we know the better our chances of dealing with it.'

'But I thought I could come with you, see you in action.'

'Brooks,' Shepard glared at her with eyes that were cold and hard and the woman took a half step back. 'You said it yourself, you're a desk jockey, not combat ready. I don't want to be worrying about you getting yourself killed.'

'I can - .'

'For fucks sake, Brooks. That's an order.'

'Yes, ma'am.' She gave a sloppy salute and left.

James couldn't help it. He had a hard on from watching her take charge. It was sexy and hot and all the things he shouldn't be thinking right then.

'Hope you can still fit into your armour,' she whispered as she strode past him a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

'Only just, Lola.' She laughed as he followed her up the stairs

Forty-five minutes later they dropped into the Archives. He wore a shit-eating grin, the joy of blowing a hole in the floor of the Citadel so they could get in brightened his day. Coming face to face with enemy troops was a bonus and he slipped into combat mode. The thrill of fighting with the entire team only fuelled the euphoria and he laughed as he sent a carnage shot to detonate Kaidan's reave.

'That's enough.' A shadow walked forward on the upper level, struggling with someone in their grip. All fighting ground to a halt. 'Drop your weapons or I'll kill her.'

'Fuck.' Shepard cursed beside him. 'Brooks.' Very carefully she lay her rifle on the floor and they followed her lead.

Brooks landed at their feet in a trembling heap. Shepard ignored her and focussed on the person above.

'Who are you? What do you want? There's nowhere you can run or hide where we won't find you.'

'Hide? Why?' The shadow stepped forward into the light and James wasn't the only one who sucked in a breath. 'I'm Commander Shepard. I never hide.'

'Well, this just gets weirder and weirder.' James muttered and beside him Kaidan grunted in agreement as they slowly lowered their hands.

The fake Shepard prattled on and James could see the tension in Lola's shoulders as she listened. A clone. Her worst fear had come to life and his heart ached at the pain she hid so well. Her eyes narrowed as the fake looked at Kaidan, telling him she would have saved the other one on Virmire. James sensed the moment Shepard went from listening to planning and he saw her eyes flick upward at the Citadel model overhead. The moment Shepard dropped he dived sideways, picking up his rifle on a roll.

The battle began as the fake Shepard ran and left her men to fight. His Lola though led her team as she always did, up front and shouting orders. His warrior angel would never leave her people behind to fend for themselves. He almost felt sorry for those fighting for the clone – almost. The clone had a lot to learn if she wanted to replace Shepard. He laughed at his own thoughts, no-one could replace Shepard, she was one of a kind, unique. And she loved him. The clone didn't stand a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added a few bits to the Citadel DLC because some things just didn't sit right with me. I hope you like my little changes and they make sense. I've also used a few lines from the game because - let's face it - they were great lines.
> 
> And I'd just like to say thank you to everyone reading, leaving comments or kudos. I love you guys for brightening my day.


	82. Chapter 82

**** 82 ****

It would live in his memory forever, standing shoulder to shoulder with warriors the calibre of the Normandy team, guns blazing and enemies dying as they covered Shepard's run for the ladder. The exhilaration of the power on that ledge made him want to laugh, in a hysterical, excited kind of way. Apparently he wasn't the only one. As the guns quieted and Shepard crested the ladder back slaps, laughs and high fives passed among them.

'Wow,' Brooks said and everyone looked at her.

James' suspicions had only increased as the mission progressed. Shepard had called her out on disobeying orders, questioning if she knew what it meant to be in the Alliance, to be a soldier, sending her with team mako knowing Garrus would keep his eye on her. For someone who worked a desk she handled herself in a battle situation too well. Plus not knowing about the mako, a standard military vehicle. It only added to the niggling sensation something wasn't right. The anger in Shepard's glance as she moved past them left no doubt she didn't care what Brooks thought.

Finding themselves trapped in a vault, with the clone and Brooks on the outside, finally proved they were right. James fumed as the clone droned on and Shepard let her rage lose, threatening to put their heads on spikes. He just wished he'd put a bullet in Brooks while he had the chance. Kaidan worked frantically on his omnitool but to no avail as the vault closed around them and moved to who knew where in the archive.

'Well this is one for the highlight reel, huh,' James said with a grimace.

'Clearly one of our finest moments right there,' Kaidan agreed.

'Do I really sound like that?' Shepard looked at them in turn and they shrugged.

'Yeah.' Kaidan turned to James.

'Now that you mention it, yeah.'

'Seriously. I thought I sounded more confident, more in control.' She paced slowly, 'maybe it's - I SHOULD GO – let them know who's boss, or – _I should go –_ leave them guessing. I could try – talk to you later – because I hardly ever do.'

'Shepard,' Kaidan said, sighing as he returned to working on his omnitool, 'you can say whatever you like, you're the commander, no-one is going to argue with you.'

'Yeah,' James nodded his head, 'you're the boss.'

'Damn straight I am.' She stopped pacing, 'leave them uncertain, wanting more.'

'And now maybe we can turn our attention to the impregnable vault we've just been locked in forever.' Kaidan suggested.

'Yeah, I'm guessing we've got about an hour of air left.' James walked along the vault wall, checking for anything that looked like an exit but found nothing.

'Why didn't somebody tell me,' Shepard frowned, 'I'm open to feedback here.'

'Lola, is there something you're not telling us.' He stepped in front of her and she raised her eyes to his.

'Yeah, Shepard,' Kaidan moved closer and she glanced at him. 'Why aren't you more worried about this?'

'What?' She finally took in their surroundings. 'Oh. Glyph, you still out there?'

'Of course you had a backup plan,' James chuckled and she grinned at him.

'You didn't?'

They climbed out of the archives to find Joker waiting in a skycar, furious because the clone was stealing his ship. He saw Shepard grimace, blaming herself for the clone having her Spectre and Alliance access codes. After calming a disappointed crew, who had to catch up, and fighting their way to the Normandy airlock, James didn't think things could get any more surreal.

A toothbrush. With all the knowledge and skill at their command, a toothbrush saved the day. He made a mental note to buy Traynor a new one.

As they descended to the cargo bay after taking care of the goons in the CIC James had never looked forward to a fight so much in his life.

'She dumped my stuff.' Shepard would have sounded whiny if it wasn't for the anger that radiated off her.

'Yeah, they'd better not have touched my weights or my bench. I just got it the way I want it.' James agreed.

'Priorities people.' Kaidan reminded them.

'Oh I've got my priorities in order,' Shepard flicked a glance over her shoulder. 'I'm going to throw that imposter off my ship and enjoy doing it.'

'Damn straight, Lola.' James agreed. 'They made this personal.'

'A perfect pair.' Kaidan chuckled and they both glared at him.

James might have said it in response to Shepard's mood but he couldn't deny the truth. They had made this personal. The clone and her cronies had violated their space, their home. Trying to take everything they owned would bring about their downfall and he would enjoy every single shot he fired. And he had one bullet specifically for Brooks.

As they shot the shit out of the cargo bay James knew Joker would be pissed. Adams and Steve probably wouldn't be happy either. But what choice did they have? The ship twisted, turned and bounced, trying to get around Joker and Steve outside in a skycar. They fought for stable footing, all while trying not to get hit or be taken by surprise. When the cargo doors opened to release a shuttle and wind howled through the bay he grinned. They were getting under the clone's skin.

The enemy numbers dwindled until only the clone and Brooks remained. Time stopped and so did his heart as Shepard charged at the clone and they both rolled over the edge of the cargo ramp.

'Shepard.' He and Kaidan yelled at the same time, both running to where she'd disappeared.

A fall from this height would kill her and James expected the worst as they reached the opening. His eyes stung at the thought of losing her, the idea of following her over the edge at the top of his options because he didn't want to live without her. He almost sobbed aloud when he saw her hanging on, arguing with the clone.

Dropping flat he slid down the ramp while Kaidan hung on to his feet. Hooking his fingers under her armour he heaved and pulled her to safety. The Normandy stabilised and he guessed that EDI had taken control. He watched through wide eyes as Shepard literally kicked the clone off her ship. Some part of him had expected her to save her doppelganger but, like she said, they made this personal. And yet as they turned to walk back into the ship he saw the way she squeezed her eyes shut, how her hands dropped to her sides and her shoulders slumped.

He wanted to hold her, to comfort her because watching yourself die had to be the most bizarre and confusing experience he could ever imagine. Having something you were afraid of appear before you would send you reeling. But she walked ahead of them, distancing herself from her actions and them. Kaidan glanced at him and he saw the worry in his eyes. Trotting to catch up he moved beside her.

'You okay, Lola?'

'I'm fine.'

'Really, because - .'

'Not now, James.' Her voice cracked and she pursed her lips.

'Okay, but we will talk about this.'

She stopped and glared at him and for a moment he thought she would take her anger, grief, regret or whatever she felt out on him. He could handle it, and he would for her. But she gave a slight nod of her head and turned to meet Joker, all signs of her distress pushed into a hole for later as she became the strong, dependable woman everyone expected her to be.

James hated that she did that, that she couldn't let anyone see she suffered. He knew the crew wouldn't see it as weakness but she did. Joker reported on the results of their fight, making special mention of how Steve did some awesome flying and it reminded him that they weren't the only ones who could have been killed today. The ship, the crew and the future had been under threat. Another responsibility Shepard would carry on her shoulders.

'What about the mercs? Any of them left?' Shepard walked with Joker as they spoke.

Joker stopped. 'Just her.'

The rest of Joker's sentence disappeared beneath the pounding in James' ears. His skin burned and his fingers curled as he rolled his neck and bared his teeth. Palming his pistol he watched as Shepard spoke to Brooks, wanting nothing more than to put a bullet in her head.

'Admit it Shepard, you'll miss me.'

Brooks broke free, turned and ran. A single shot rang out and she dropped to the ground.

'I don't think so.' James lowered his gun.

'Ah, maintenance to the shuttle bay.' Joker spoke into his com but James didn't miss the grin on his face.

'Nice.' Kaidan said softly.

'Guess there's no getting through to some people.' Shepard sighed.

They walked off the Normandy, meeting the rest of the team on the dock. Conversation went on around him but James only half listened. His concern for Shepard outweighed everything else. As Bailey approached Shepard sucked in a breath and visibly tensed.

'Maybe now we can have some actual shore leave,' Kaidan said as he walked beside James.

'That would be nice.' Shepard scoffed.

'Shepard,' Bailey stood in her path, 'want to explain why you and your crew are shooting up my docks and the archives.'

James put his hand on her shoulder as she went to speak. 'I've got this Commander. I can give C-Sec a report.' He met her eyes and waited for her to argue with him, silently pleading that that she would hear his unspoken message. _Go home, take a shower, relax. Don't fight me, Andy, let me take care of you._

She blinked, her eyes shining and wet with tears. Breathing deep through her nose and visibly swallowing she nodded her head.

'I need to file a report with the Alliance,' she turned back to Bailey, 'my XO can give you details.'

'I'll give you a Spectre report,' Kaidan added.

Shepard turned to the rest of the crew, 'go, enjoy some shore leave. Have fun.' With that she walked off the docks and climbed into a skycar.

'Well that's a first,' Garrus said as he watched her leave then turned to James. 'Nice work.'

James sighed and led Bailey onto the Normandy as he filled him in on events. Kaidan stayed with him, only moving away to check on Steve who had already started work in the shuttle bay. Bailey took notes, asked questions and organised for Brooks' body to be removed. Garrus had lingered too and backed up everything James said.

'If you hadn't come to see me this could be a lot worse.' Bailey said to Garrus. 'As it stands the council has been informed and will need Shepard to report for her file to be repaired.' He ran his hand through his hair and blew out a breath. 'A clone. Damned if that's not the strangest thing I've heard today. If it was anyone else ... but this is Shepard, she's a magnet for trouble.'

'That's one way of putting it.' Garrus chuckled.

'Is she all right?' Bailey looked at James.

'No, and if we're done here I need to check on her.'

'Go, if I need anything else Garrus or Alenko can help me.'

'Adams can organise the work crews.' Garrus motioned to the engineer who crossed the docks towards them.

James nodded and left. Almost an hour had passed and as he stepped into a skycar a shiver ran down his spine and a feeling of dread washed over him. By the time he reached their apartment he had already removed the top pieces of his armour, dropping them by the door as he entered. Hurriedly removing the rest so only his undersuit remained he went in search of her.

Not finding her downstairs he took the steps two at a time to the upper level. He could hear water running so he headed for the bathroom.

'Oh, bella.' He quickly stripped and stepped into the shower, picking her up from her curled position on the floor and holding her against him as the hot water ran over his back.

Turning off the water he gently moved her in his arms and carried her into the hot tub. If they were going to be wet they could at least be warm and comfortable. She curled into his chest and buried her face against his neck as she sniffled. Tremors wracked her body and while she didn't actually cry he knew she had been. The shower allowed her to let go, to feel secure in her privacy.

Spooning her head with his hand and holding his other arm around her waist he held her silently, waiting until she felt ready to talk. He relaxed into the warmth, letting the water wash away the events of the day, reaching a point where he started to doze.

'That could have been me.'

She spoke so softly James hardly heard her. Pressing his lips to her forehead he waited for her to continue.

'How do I know she wasn't the real Shepard? Will I ever be sure?'

'Hey,' he tipped his head back and waited until she looked at him. 'They can't clone everything, Andy. Only the real you has your memories, your experiences. She might have looked like you, sounded like you – but it wasn't you. It was just a body with your name.'

'I could have saved her.'

'No, you couldn't. Even if you stopped her from falling she believes you've got her life, Brooks convinced her and do you really think she'd give up on that. If you had saved her, she would have most likely ended up in an Alliance prison and she'd be pissed. Still your enemy and she'd hate you even more.'

She dropped her head back against his chest. 'How many more are out there?'

'It doesn't matter,' he said, smiling as she scoffed. 'You're the original, the genuine article and the one I love. And if there are we'll find them and deal with them.'

'Thank you, James.'

'For?'

'Being there for me, knowing what I needed. I've never had anyone know me like you do, love me like you do.' She kissed his chest and laid her palm against his heart. 'You're a good man James Vega and I'm lucky enough to love you.'

'It's a tough job but I'm giving it my best shot.'

'Smart ass.' She settled further down into the water and James couldn't help the way his body responded. 'How did you know which one was me?' She tilted her head back and looked at him, 'while we were fighting, how did you know?'

'Are you serious?' He raised his eyebrows and she nodded. 'I'd know you anywhere Lola. I know how you fight, how you move. I know your face as well as I know my own.'

'But how could you be really sure? We looked the same, sounded the same.'

'No, no you didn't, not really.'

'Why are you so certain, you couldn't have seen the difference that easily?'

He dropped his head back against the wall, a flush of heat rushing to his cheeks. He thought about how long he'd watched her, studied her and wanted to be right here. Would it change her opinion of him if she knew?

'James?' She frowned at him and he blew out a breath.

'Because I know you Shepard, I've always known you, followed you and probably loved you, long before I met you.' He looked at her as she gaped at him.

'You were a fan boy?'

'Yes, no, it was more than that.' He groaned and tried to shift out from under her but she refused to let him. _Dios, how the fuck did he explain this without coming off as some sort of weirdo_. 'From the very first time I saw you I just had this feeling … like we belonged together. Fuck, Lola, I don't know.' He met her eyes, 'I just know that without you my life felt empty. There's just this connection, with you and only you.'

'So,' she straddled his hips and linked her fingers behind his neck, a smile tugging on her lips. 'Did you have pictures of me on your wall?' He looked everywhere but at her and she laughed. 'You did, didn't you?'

'Not on my wall.' He smirked at her.

'Where then – ,' she realised as she spoke. 'On your omnitool.'

When he didn't answer she pushed herself to where she could reach his tool. He grabbed her hand, his ears burning and his throat dry as she pouted at him.

'James, let me see, please.'

'Ugh, Lola, you're killing me.' But he let go of her hand and opened up his tool. 'Fuck, I feel like such an idiot.'

'I'm fascinated,' she grinned and settled with her back against his chest so she could see what he showed her.

'I started collecting after Elysium, news reports, vids, pictures. I wanted to know you, this strong, capable woman, an amazing soldier and beautiful. I wanted to be like you.' He cleared his throat, 'without the beautiful part.' She giggled which surprised him. He kissed her hair and chuckled.

'How big is your collection?' She watched as he flipped through his files.

'I might have got carried away.' He shrugged.

'Wait. Go back.'

'What?' He flipped back to a photo. When he realised what she'd found he groaned and tried to bury his head in her shoulder.

'I've never seen that one.' She zoomed in on the background. 'That's Arcturus.' She leant sideways and looked at him. 'You took that one.'

'Yeah, I happened to be on the docks that day.' His tone sheepish as he added, 'I might have had that one in a frame by my bed.'

'That was -.' Her eyes went wide and she stared at him. 'I remember. You were staring at me with your mouth open and I thought you looked cute. I was thinking maybe I should say hello, put you out of your misery as you seemed to be in pain or something.' She laughed at his grimace.

'Funny.'

'I'd just found out I'd been invited to ICT. We'd come back from a two month deployment on one of the colonies and had two weeks shore leave.' She took another look at the picture, 'damn, I look so young.'

'And beautiful. You were so happy. I wanted to say hello but I was just a soldier, newly minted, and you were the hero who saved Elysium. I wanted to punch the guy you were smiling at.'

'The guy … oh yeah, Rodriguez. He wanted me to meet his partner.' She smiled at him, 'you were jealous, even back then.' He rolled his eyes at her and she laughed as she sat up and turned, straddling him again. 'So,' she ran her hands down his chest, rolling her finger around his nipple, which instantly hardened. 'How many times have you fantasised about that photo and me? Maybe jacked off to it.'

'Andy.' He grabbed her hands and gaped at her as he broke into a sweat. 'Really?'

She leant forward and kissed her way across his collarbone and he hissed a breath, instantly aroused and hardening.

'Am I everything you dreamed I'd be?' She moved lower and bit a nipple.

'Fuck.' He dropped his head back and groaned.

'I do believe you owe me one but you didn't answer my question.'

He ran his hands through her hair, gripping her head and pulling her up. Their kisses always ignited a fire in him but this one started a raging inferno. She moaned against his lips and her tongue asked for entrance, which he willingly gave. Sliding his hands across her smooth, wet skin he gripped her hips and pulled her against him, letting her feel how much he wanted her.

'Hello, James Vega.'

'Hello, Andora Shepard.'

'Show me how well you know me.'

As she smiled into their kiss he lifted and entered her in one smooth movement, burying himself completely and they both sucked in a breath. While he could still think coherently he realised two things. He could never have dreamed up someone this amazing and he'd taken her mind of the events of the day.

He lost himself to the feel of her around him, to the taste of her on his lips, the softness of her skin under his fingers and her nails raking his shoulders. She cried out his name and came apart in his hands but he still had so many ways to show her how well he knew her. And they had all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know more about that photo you'll find it in my fic Hello.


	83. Chapter 83

**** 83 ****

Warmth against his chest woke him. Opening sleepy eyes he smiled and wrapped his arm around Shepard’s petite frame as she curled into him, her backside tucked in against his hips and her legs tangled with his. She slept so soundly his movements didn’t cause any reaction, he didn’t often see her this way, relaxed and content. He could get used to this, no rush to get into uniform and on duty, no sense of looming disaster or something that needed urgent attention. No interruptions.

A pleasant ache filled him and his smile widened. He’d planned so many things during their short shore leave. The events of the previous day had put some of his plans on hold but he’d certainly made the most of the hot tub, carrying their lovemaking into the bed. Sometime during the night they’d gone downstairs, both hungry and naked, put together a plate of cheeses, biscuits and fruit and returned to the bed to feed each other. Which had only led to more of him showing her how well he knew her.

His stomach growled and he blew out a soft breath, making her hair lift and tickle his nose. Breakfast in bed sounded good and he carefully and reluctantly untangled his legs from hers. Kissing her cheek he rolled off the bed and slipped on a pair of sweatpants. Tiptoeing out of the room he headed for the kitchen.

He’d almost finished cooking his abeula’s famous eggs when the doorbell chimed. A little frustrated that someone would be calling this early he hurried to see who threatened to disturb their peace and quiet. A glance at his omnitool told him they’d slept away most of the morning.

‘Joker.’ He stepped back in surprise as the pilot looked him up and down.

‘Did I interrupt something,’ he smirked and folded his arms across his chest. ‘I can come back later.’

‘I was just – .’

‘Joker?’ Shepard came up behind him, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, and leant against his side, her hand sliding across the small of his back. ‘What are you doing here so early?’

He laughed and looked at them in turn. ‘You do realise it’s almost afternoon.’

‘Really,’ she said, raising her eyebrows. ‘Well shit.’ James looked down at her grinning face as she pulled his arm around her shoulder. ‘Guess we lost track of time.’

‘Don’t need to know any more,’ Joker held up his hands.

‘Come on in, Jeff,’ she kissed his palm, turned and headed back to the kitchen and James couldn’t stop his eyes from falling to the curve of her ass cheeks peeping out beneath her sleep shorts. ‘Smells like James has breakfast, or lunch, in hand.’

‘I can go.’

James jumped as Joker spoke beside him. ‘Nah, we need to eat.’

‘I bet,’ he grinned and James rolled his eyes at him. ‘How is she, after yesterday?’ His manner turned serious.

‘She had a moment, or two, but I think the worst is over.’

‘I’m glad she wasn’t alone.’

Joker’s hand on his shoulder made him aware of the bond between Shepard and her pilot. Once he would have been jealous but now he knew they were nothing more than very good friends. Joker had become his friend too and a comforting warmth flooded through him. He’d found family when he hadn’t been looking and he owed that to the woman now eating his eggs from the pan.

‘Lola, at least let me serve it up.’ He scowled and she waved him towards her.

‘Hurry up, I’m hungry.’

‘So where’s EDI,’ James set out three plates as Shepard sat at the counter. ‘I thought you two were joined at the hip these days.’

‘She’s off with Traynor, Tali and Chakwas. Said something about a special project.’

Shepard glanced at James who covered his smile by ducking his head and reaching for the cutlery. But Joker was too quick for both of them.

‘You know something.’ He pointed a finger from one to the other. ‘What’s going on, Shepard? You know I hate surprises, I might break a bone or something.’

‘That’s bullshit,’ Shepard scoffed and James chuckled. ‘How would we know anything, been in bed, remember.’

‘Don’t remind me.’ He scowled and took the plate James offered. ‘So, when’s the party?’

‘Party?’ James sounded as confused as Shepard looked when he handed her breakfast.

‘Seriously,’ he looked at them in turn. ‘You’ve got this great apartment, we saved the Normandy from your clone, James’ N school acceptance and promotion, we’re still alive and kicking and all in one place. What’s not to celebrate?’

James looked to Shepard who met his questioning stare.

‘Why not?’ She shrugged, ‘as long as you’re not going to trash our apartment.’ She glared at Joker who huffed a laugh.

‘Who me? I think there are others you should watch out for first.’

She looked back to James, ‘you okay with tonight if everyone’s available?’

‘Sure. I’ll organise food but we might need more alcohol.’

‘Okay,’ she brought up her omnitool and sent out invites. ‘I’ll take care of the alcohol.’ She continued to read and her forehead creased the more she read. Dropping her arm with a sigh she slumped against the counter. ‘Everyone wants a piece of me. Jack wants to go to the arena but I think I’ll talk her into helping me with shopping instead.’

‘You didn’t have enough shopping?’ James raised his eyebrows at her.

‘I don’t have a party dress,’ she mock pouted at him and he shook his head. ‘Can’t wear the same dress twice can I.’ She scraped the last of the eggs from her plate, ‘besides, we need party supplies.’

James looked down as his omnitool beeped. ‘Steve and Kaidan want to come over and watch the bioti ball game on the big screen.’ He smiled at her, ‘guess I’m spending the afternoon with the boys.’

‘Good idea.’ She slid off the stool and kissed him. ‘I have to get dressed.’

James watched her walk away and turned back to find Joker staring at him. ‘What?’

‘You do realise how lucky you are, right?’

‘Hell yeah,’ he gathered up their plates and Joker followed him to the sink.

‘I thought you were a meathead, all muscle and no brain, when I first saw you.’ Joker chuckled at the scowl he received. ‘Glad you proved me wrong.’ He helped stack the dishwasher as he continued, ‘you’re good for her, you make her happy.’

‘Thanks, Joker, coming from you that means a lot.’

‘Yeah, yeah, don’t get all sappy on me.’ Joker scoffed and went to leave.

‘You coming to watch the game?’

‘Sure, I’ll grab some clothes so I can change here after, save my legs and all that.’ With a wave he left.

He turned as Shepard came up behind him and he couldn’t stop the grin as he spied the bright purple tank top under her jacket. He had no idea where she got them from but he liked that she had because seeing her in colour certainly brightened his day.

‘No falling through floors this time, huh,’ he kissed her forehead as it creased.

‘Let’s hope I can get through today without being shot.’

‘Have fun.’

Organising food with a quick message on his omnitool he followed Shepard’s lead. His mother had always told him that a man should dress well whenever the chance arose. He had enough time to duck out and make that happen because he didn’t want to be in uniform or sweatpants tonight.

Several hours later he dressed while Shepard stocked the bar. Steve and Kaidan had claimed the upstairs bedroom after the game while Joker was downstairs changing. They were all a little happy after their afternoon of beer and bioti ball. They’d created a memory of laughter and friendship that would stick with them, give them something to make them smile. It had been a fantastic afternoon and he hoped they had many more.

‘Wow.’

He lifted his head to find Shepard leaning against the door frame, looking him up and down. Turning to face her he grinned as she licked her lips and slowly walked towards him.

‘Like what you see, Lola?’

‘Hell yeah, can we cancel this party and just let me undress you.’

He’d opted for black pants and a dark grey, collared shirt, leaving the top two buttons open so he didn’t choke all night and rolling up the sleeves for comfort. With the dress shoes he felt good about his appearance. From the open admiration on Shepard’s face so did she and a warm rush enveloped him.

‘Too late, we already have guests.’ He pulled her into his arms and met her eyes that were dark with lust. ‘Besides, I want to see you in your party dress.’

The doorbell rang and she shrugged, turning and walking out of the room. ‘Guess you’ll have to wait for that.’

‘You’re an evil woman, Lola.’ He called after her, giving himself a minute for his trousers to loosen.

He reached the bottom of the steps and had to regain his footing as Shepard jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and planting sloppy kisses all over his face.

‘I love you.’ She beamed between kisses and James laughed but had no idea what he’d done to deserve it.

‘If that’s Charlie’s noodles I smell I love you too,’ Joker appeared from the downstairs bedroom, ‘just don’t expect that from me.’ He waved his hand at Shepard.

He understood then and slid his arms around Shepard as she bounced against him.

‘Keep this up and we’ll have to head back upstairs.’ He managed to capture her lips for a heated kiss.

‘Ew,’ Joker headed for the kitchen, ‘party people, guests, didn’t need to hear that.’

‘You’re just jealous.’ Shepard called and Joker swore at her. She met James’s amused stare. ‘I do love you though and thank you for going to Charlies.’

‘Only the best for you,’ he steadied her as she slid to the floor. ‘You going to change?’

The doorbell rang again and she laughed as she turned to answer it. ‘Soon.’

James wandered towards the door as Kaidan and Steve came downstairs, sniffing the air as they walked past. He reached the entry just in time to see Zaeed toss a stuffed volus at Shepard.

‘Here, finally beat that damn machine.’ He growled as he walked past.

‘Claw machine,’ Shepard explained as James looked at her. ‘It was getting the better of him at the arcade.’

‘Uh huh,’ he nodded then jumped as Grunt barrelled in and picked Shepard up in a bear hug.

‘Shepard.’

‘Grunt, you haven’t set any more c-sec cars on fire have you?’

‘No,’ he groaned and Wrex pushed him aside.

‘Shepard.’ He pulled her into a hug and she gasped for breath. ‘Where’s the food?’

‘What did you do while you were out?’ James stepped back as the two krogans walked past and into the kitchen.

‘Oh, you know, got Grunt out of trouble, gave Wrex a shoulder while he padded his pants with ice, showed Zaeed how to play and win, supported Traynor as she took down an opponent, went bottle shooting with Garrus. Nothing unusual.’ She grinned as he dropped his head into his hand, ‘how was your afternoon?’

‘Had some laughs, drunk some beers, you know boys being boys. Thought about you in your new dress.’ He said, then growled when the doorbell rang again.

Garrus and Tali entered side by side and Shepard hugged them both in turn.

‘Finally,’ she gave an amused groan as they moved apart.

‘What?’ Garrus glared at her.

‘Just admit it, you two are good together.’

‘He does have a nice body,’ Tali cocked a hip and looked him up and down.

James laughed and patted Garrus on the shoulder as his mandibles flared. ‘You know where the bar is.’

‘Yes I do,’ he tilted his head at Shepard as he passed her.

‘Where’s EDI,’ Shepard asked as Tali giggled.

‘Coming with Traynor.’

‘And?’ She waved her hand for her to continue.

‘It worked.’

James gaped as Shepard bounced on the spot before hugging Tali. Arm in arm they left him standing by the door. He moved to follow them and Joker met him as he came out of the kitchen.

‘Great idea for … .’ His jaw dropped and James reached out to steady him as he stumbled, following his gaze to the front door.

James braced as Joker reached for his arm to support his weight. Jack and Traynor stood either side of a beautiful looking woman and it took James a moment to realise it was EDI.

‘Hello, Jeff.’

Joker’s fingers dug into James forearm as he took a tentative step forward.

‘EDI?’

‘Yes.’ She walked forward, dark flared pants flowing around her legs and the loose, cowl neck, sleeveless top revealing skin where silver metal had once been. Her auburn hair bounced lightly around her tan face, blue eye shadow making her dark eyes stand out. ‘Do you not like my new look?’

Joker’s grip loosened on James’ arm and he stepped towards her, reaching out gingerly but quickly pulling his fingers back.

‘You can touch me, Jeff.’ She held out her hand that appeared warm and pink.

Joker slid his hand into hers, his mouth moving but no words escaping. James jumped as Shepard slid her arm around his waist and he responded by sliding his arm around her back. They knew Traynor and Tali had been working with EDI but the outcome stunned him. He hadn’t expected her to look so human.

‘How? When? Who?’ Joker turned her hand in his, lifting his other hand to enclose hers, rubbing his thumb across the skin on the back of her hand. He lifted his eyes to hers. ‘Why?’ His eyes widened and he looked horrified as he stuttered and forced words out. ‘I don’t mean why, I meant … shit, I don’t know what I meant.’ He looked her up and down. ‘You’re beautiful.’

‘Thank you, Jeff.’ She laced her fingers through his, ‘this is a new experience and I am happy you are here to share it with me.’

‘EDI,’ Kaidan made them all jump as he came up behind them. ‘Wow, you look great. The polymer skin weave worked okay then?’

‘Yes, thank you for your suggestion to use nanobots, it made the process much faster and more realistic than the holo emitters. We still have to complete the skin from the waist down but it should be ready in a few days.’

‘You’re welcome, how does it feel?’

‘Strange, soft and warm. Dr Chakwas added fine hairs to the program.’ She held out her free arm for him to examine it, which he did very gently.

‘It feels real.’ He looked at Joker who gaped at him. ‘Something wrong?’

‘You knew about this?’

‘Yeah, Traynor asked me for some coding advice to help the process along.’ His eyes widened, ‘you didn’t know.’

‘No,’ Joker glared at him, ‘I didn’t know.’ He looked at James and Shepard before turning to Traynor who had stood quietly behind EDI. ‘Seems I’m the only one who didn’t.’

‘I didn’t.’ Zaeed said from somewhere over James’ shoulder.

‘Me either,’ Garrus added.

‘I didn’t want anyone to tell you in case it didn’t work.’ EDI dropped her head, ‘I didn’t want you to be disappointed.’

‘EDI, please tell me you didn’t do this for me.’ His voice cracked as he spoke and he visibly swallowed.

‘No, Jeff, I did this for me, but I did hope that you would like it.’

‘I think he more than likes it,’ Jack scoffed from behind Traynor.

 ‘Hey, foods getting cold,’ Wrex bellowed as he leant over the kitchen counter.

James could feel the joy rolling off Shepard as they watched Joker take in EDI’s new look but he did a double take as Traynor walked past him. The low cut back of her dress showing more than just bare skin.

‘Traynor,’ the surprise in his voice made her stop and turn. ‘Do you mind?’ He pointed to her back and she craned her neck to look over her shoulder.

‘No, not at all.’ She moved so he could see her more clearly.

‘That’s some good ink.’

His eyes followed the climbing rose up her back to where it disappeared over her shoulder, all of it black with outlined roses except for one red flower.

‘Traynor,’ Shepard joined him and admired the artwork, ‘you’re full of surprises.’

‘I love roses,’ she said, ‘but their scent sets off my allergies. This way I get to have them without a problem.’

‘You should see how it winds around the front,’ Jack looked her up and down, ‘curls in all the right places with another red rose - .’

‘Jack.’ Traynor glared at her.

‘What. I fucking didn’t expect to find one there.’ The grin she gave her made James think of a predator sizing up its prey. ‘You’re a walking contradiction and I’m fucking proud of that.’

‘Really?’

‘Shit yeah.’

Shepard chuckled as they walked off arm in arm. James pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head.

‘You know some crazy people, Lola. I’m glad I got to know them too.’

The door opened again and they turned to find Miranda entering with Jacob in tow. James stiffened but before he could move to keep him out Shepard put her hand on his arm.

‘I ran into Jacob in the hospital then the arcade. He apologised for his behaviour and what he said to me.’ She met his eyes and he knew he could never say no to her. ‘Everyone deserves a second chance, right. Even assholes. He did risk his life with some of these people.’

‘Only because you asked.’ He groused and she smiled at him, kissing him softly before turning to meet their guests. But he did make sure to grip Jacob’s hand extra hard and for longer than necessary.

Once LIara, Javik and Samara arrived the party got into full swing. Laughter, good company, delicious food and alcohol meant people let their hair down and stories flowed freely. James and Shepard wandered from group to group, at first together but eventually separating.

James found himself upstairs in a discussion about what was better, strength and muscle or biotics. As he floated off the ground courtesy of Liara he discovered that biotics had other, more pleasant advantages he’d never considered.

‘Feels good, doesn’t it?’ Kaidan grinned, his eyes shining with mischief.

‘Ah yeah,’ he glanced down at his groin, relieved to see his reaction wasn’t obvious. ‘Is this how it feels all the time?’

‘Nah,’ Kaidan said, his grin widening, ‘but it has its benefits.’

‘I bet Steve loves it.’ He laughed as Kaidan’s cheeks flushed with colour and Liara gently lowered him to the floor. ‘But you guys tire out in the field while I can keep going. And you have to admit,’ he flexed his arms across his chest, ‘a body like this looks good.’

‘Yes it does,’ Shepard said as she joined them, still not changed. ‘But you have to admit, they can fight from a distance which can have advantages.’

‘Okay,’ he shrugged, ‘I can agree with that.’ He looked her up and down, ‘still waiting to see this party dress.’

‘You bought a dress, Shepard?’ Miranda gaped at her. ‘You hated wearing that thing Kasumi bought for you.’

‘It was a custom made dress of the finest material.’ Kasumi materialised behind Miranda and just as quickly disappeared. James hadn’t known she’d arrived.

‘Yes I bought a dress.’ She blew out an indignant sigh. ‘And I am going to change right now.’ She placed her hand on his chest, ‘and no I don’t need help.’

‘Damn, Lola,’ he kissed her lightly before she walked away.

James hadn’t seen Garrus or Zaeed for a while so he wandered downstairs and found them by the indoor garden at the front door. Hearing the word explosion made him curious.

‘James,’ Garrus nodded as he stood beside him. ‘Zaeed and I were just talking about extra security for the apartment. We thought micro filament across the glass would work. First line of defence if an intruder enters.’

‘That hot tub upstairs is a prime piece of defence too, and the coffee machine.’

‘The coffee machine? The hot tub?’ James gaped at them, ‘what happens when Shepard wants to use them?’

‘We set the hot tub to the clone’s DNA,’ Zaeed explained with a roll of his eyes.

‘Ah, Shepard has the same DNA.’ James pointed out.

‘Ah hell,’ Zaeed rubbed his brow, ‘didn’t think of that.’ He looked past him and his jaw dropped. ‘Goddamned beautiful.’

James spun to see what had grabbed his attention. Shepard sauntered towards him and he forgot how to breathe or swallow. Her red, halter neck dress catching the light and throwing rainbows around her, a slit opening to reveal one leg from thigh to ankle, both of which balanced on thin-heeled shoes. He recovered from his stunned silence and his mouth lifted into a smile, his eyes ran up and down her figure and he licked his lips.

‘Lola, you look like you’re dressed for dancing.’

He walked towards her and took her hand, extending his arm and spinning her underneath before pulling her back into his chest. His arm wrapped around her back as his other hand folded over hers. She laughed and lifted her leg over his, locking her calf around the back of his knee as he shifted his stance to take her weight.

‘Thought you’d never ask.’ She slid her arm around his neck.

‘Think you can keep up,’ he raised an eyebrow at her, ‘I was the junior, southern area ballroom champion at sixteen.’ He shrugged as she gave him a questioning look. ‘My abuela and madre thought a man should know how to dance with a woman.’

‘James,’ the smooth, soft timbre of her voice sent a shiver from his head to his toes. ‘Shut up and dance.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is artwork to go with this chapter if you're interested, you'll find it here - http://juleshawke.deviantart.com/art/Dance-with-me-697298262
> 
> And about EDI, did anyone else think it strange that she looked human as Eve Core but not as EDI. I wanted to give her the opportunity to look the same, hope you like her that way.


	84. Chapter 84

**** 84 ****

Morning came all too soon, but waking up beside his Lola would never get old. Happiness threatened to explode from him, like a shaken fizzy drink when the cap's released. His thoughts turned to other things as she stirred and opened her eyes. She didn't hide from him any more and that made him smile as the joy in her eyes darkened into something more primal.

'James,' she licked her lips, the glossy shine of moisture encouraging him to taste it.

'Andy.' He lowered his head and kissed her, teasing her with his tongue. 'Morning bella.'

'Is it?' She ran her fingers along his jaw. 'Does that mean we have to get up?'

'No, we can hide away here as long as we like.'

She shivered as he ran his hand down her arm and over her hip, coming to rest on the curve of her backside. Her smile held mischief as she lifted her leg over his, tilting her hips just enough so he could feel the heat between her thighs.

'I'd rather do that than put up with the ribbing we're going to get.'

James rolled onto his back, pulling her with him.

'We did cause quite a stir.' He kissed the top of her head as she settled against him. 'They were pissed at you for lying.'

'I never lied,' she said, her voice climbing an octave and he laughed. 'I never said I couldn't dance, only that I didn't. No-one ever challenged me, until you.'

'I think we surprised them.'

'You think.' She chuckled as her fingers drew lazy circles on his chest. 'I thought Joker was going to have a heart attack.'

'It's the first time I've ever seen Garrus' mandible hit the floor.'

Their dance had become a memory to add to his growing collection. But the aftermath, that would always make him smile. The deathly silence as the music stopped unlike anything he'd ever felt. The shock of what they'd done stunning everyone.

'I think Tali was crying.' She giggled and he loved how relaxed she felt in his arms.

'And Jack,' he reminded her, 'I was getting ready to run, she was pissed.'

'Yeah, but then she got excited and hugged us both. She always did run at extremes.'

'So,' he pulled her in tighter, 'where did you learn to dance? I mean, I guessed you probably had to cover at least basic dancing in Rio, for formal events or missions, but we busted a few moves last night, Lola. Argentine tango, rhumba, samba and Paso Doble. That's more than basic.'

She'd followed him every step of the way, her cocky grin pushing him to test her, with no hesitation when he did. She moved in perfect unison with him and her skill took him by surprise even though he expected her to be able to dance.

'My mum,' she wrapped her arm around his abdomen and tucked her leg between his, her skin soft and smooth against him. 'She loved to dance. She was a professional dancer, ballroom, contemporary, chorus line stuff, before they moved to Mindoir.' Often when she spoke of her family she would tense up, but not this time. 'They moved there when she was pregnant with me, better life and all that, but she was never satisfied with farm life and dad knew it, so he encouraged her to do something for herself and maybe for the community.

'She opened a dance school. Turned out the colonists loved the idea and they held social dances once a month. When I was old enough I became her student and the boys thought it would be a good way to get the girls so I never lacked for partners.'

He could feel dampness on his chest but he stayed quiet, letting her talk.

'The best classes though were when dad would come in from the farm and he and mum would dance, dad made out that he hated it but I think he loved having her in his arms. God, they were so beautiful together, so much in love it was sappy, and I always screwed my face up in disgust even though I wanted what they had. It's one reason I stopped dancing after ….' She sniffled and wiped her eyes, a soft chuckle escaping. 'Sorry, I kinda wet your chest.' She went to wipe his wet skin but he grabbed her hand and placed it back on his waist.

'Hey,' he tilted her face up so he could meet her eyes, 'don't ever apologise to me for that.'

'Do you have any idea how much I love you James Vega?'

'Hopefully as much as your parents loved each other.' His eyes burned as she squeezed her eyes shut. 'Because I love you, Andy, more than I've ever loved anyone or anything.'

He leaned down and his lips brushed hers as a loud crash carried up from downstairs. They both groaned into the kiss.

'Guess it's time to get up and see what the children are up to.' She laughed at his head shake. 'Besides, you have all those eggs to use up.'

'Or we could just ignore them, let them sort themselves out while we stay here.'

'You really think we'd get away with that?'

He blew out a long breath. 'No, but it was worth a try.'

She kissed his chest and rolled away, picking up her sweatpants and slipping into them. 'Up and at it Romeo.'

Her eyes watched him as he walked across the bedroom, naked and half-erect. The way she looked him up and down made his body react and he swallowed hard as she wet her lips. She stood up, t-shirt in hand and followed him, a predatory smile sending heat straight to his groin. He didn't expect her hand slapping his ass and he jumped.

'Get moving, I want my eggs.'

'Lola, way to break a man's heart.'

She pouted at him as she slipped her shirt over her head. He opened the bathroom door and came to a dead stop.

'Javik.'

He attempted to hide his manhood with his hands, glancing around for a towel or something to cover himself. Shepard simply burst out laughing.

'The nightmare is real.' Javik moaned. 'Primitives rule the galaxy. I should be their emperor.'

'Hey man.' He gave up trying to cover himself. If Javik wanted to crash in their bathroom he could suffer the consequences. 'You should head downstairs and get some food.'

Pulling Javik to his feet he passed the prothean to Shepard who helped him to the bedroom door. Kaidan stood on the other side, hair messy and rubbing his eyes. He looked Shepard up and down, glanced past her at James before grinning and taking Javik off her hands.

'Didn't know you guys were kinky like that.'

'It's not … we didn't … Javik must have ….' She had no idea how to explain and it James laughed at her stuttering.

'I need coffee.' Kaidan groaned as he led Javik downstairs.

Breakfast became a noisy affair as those that had spent the night appeared in the kitchen. Kaidan, after three cups of coffee, stepped up to help, cooking bacon while James took care of the eggs.

'I can't believe you lied to us, Shepard,' Garrus leant against the counter, dextro drink in hand.

'I never lied, I never said I couldn't dance.' James grinned as she held out her hands in defence, 'no-one ever asked me to dance like James did.'

'Yeah, about that,' Joker ambled into the room, unsteady on his feet, squinting at the light and his skin pale and pasty. Shepard gave up her stool so he could sit. 'You two worked this out together.' He waved his finger in the air, pointing at no-one in particular.

'Nah,' James placed a plate before him and Joker turned even whiter. 'I figured she had to be able to dance a little, for missions, formal events and stuff like that. Didn't know she was so good.'

'Says the man with his own secret talent.' Shepard raised an eyebrow and him.

'It looked so beautiful.' Tali held out her arms and twirled around, Garrus caught her as she stumbled. 'Like something out of a vid.'

'You did put on quite a show,' Kaidan glanced over his shoulder from the grill.

'Mr Vega is good at that,' Steve said, kissing Kaidan as he accepted a plate of bacon and moving to James for eggs.

'Goddamn show offs.' Zaeed helped himself to the coffee. 'With any luck I kept you awake all night with my snoring.'

'So who won the bet?' Shepard looked at them in turn.

'I did,' Joker said, moaning before taking a bite of his breakfast.

'I thought you'd bet that I couldn't dance.'

'James knew something and he's never wrong about you.' He shrugged when James smirked at him. 'We bet on whether you were lying. Technically you did.'

'But I didn't lie so technically you lost.'

'A half-truth is as good as a lie.' Garrus pointed out. 'I thought your flailing was real and I expected you to tread on his toes – a lot.'

She shook her head taking the coffee Steve offered and at that moment her omnitool beeped.

'I need to take this. I should go - .' Chuckles and snorts made her look up and it took her a moment to realise why. 'Smart asses.' Her laughter echoed behind her as she left the room.

Shepard hadn't returned by the time James had finished serving so, grabbing two plates of breakfast, he headed for the den. He found her sitting at the card table, her head buried in her hands. She looked up as he entered, accepting the food with a half-smile.

'What's up, Lola?' He sat beside her, 'you didn't come back for breakfast.' He nudged her plate closer and she picked up her fork with a sigh.

'Hackett just sent me a report on the Crucible and Anderson. Apparently, there was some kind of situation on their way to London. He didn't give me details but I'm guessing it was serious or he wouldn't have mentioned it.'

'Damn.'

'Yeah,' she shuffled her food around before taking a mouthful.

'It's not your fault,' he watched as her eyes dropped and she studied the plate before her.

'I know, I just wish it didn't have to happen.' They ate quietly for a while, neither feeling the need to talk. 'Adams let me know the Normandy is ready to leave once we've given him the all clear.' She placed her fork down, laced her fingers together and leant on her hands. 'Means we will be leaving, heading back out into the war.'

'You mean no-one else has already won it for us.' He chuckled as she scowled at him. 'Look, Lola, I know you hate sitting here while others are dying but give the crew the rest of today.' He held up his hand as she went to argue. 'We're heading back out into the worst of it and this could be the last chance they get to spend time with those they love. Give them that. Give them something to remember when things get bad.

'We can go check out the Normandy, but don't ship out tonight. One more night won't make a difference in the big picture but it would mean a hell of a lot to people we care about.' He reached for her hand, which she gave willingly. 'I know I'd love one more night alone with you.'

'And how do I explain that to the families of those who die while we're having a night off?'

'Come on, Lola. You know they would die whether we're out there or not because our next priority is Cerberus. A few hours isn't going to make a whole lot of difference. Besides, they're all hung over pretty badly, not in any condition for flying or fighting. We threw a pretty good party.'

'I'll think about it.'

'Good,' he picked up his fork, 'now eat, you're going to need your strength.'

The day passed quickly. The Normandy felt too empty as they stood in the CIC together and James couldn't stop the sense of dread that crowded his thoughts. Strong, delicate fingers linked with his and he dropped his eyes to Shepard's.

'You're right, a few hours is not too much to ask I think we've earned the right to be a little selfish. Besides, it's not like we've had a real break with everything that's happened.'

He nodded, unable to put into words how relieved that made him feel. They could live a lifetime of love in a few hours. He would make sure of it.

Adams had done an amazing job of making the changes he'd requested. The starboard obs had been reworked into officer's quarters, complete with a small bathroom. Kaidan, Steve and Joker had been surprised and grateful when asked to view it. Shepard had beamed at him and he'd never felt prouder.

Now as they stood in the cargo bay she stood in silent admiration as they took in the new look. He'd been working his way through the numerous crates left from the refit and resupplies and, with help from Adams, had come up with a much better solution. But it wasn't until they docked for maintenance that they had the time to make it happen.

'You organised this?'

'I came up with a few changes, Adams and his team did the work.'

'This is good work, from all of you.' She looked up at him, 'you've got an eye for safety.'

He scoffed a laugh. 'I was on a ship where the gunnery chief was a lazy son of a bitch who left everything lying around. Have you seen what happens with open crates, loose mods or ammunition when the ship loses gravity or inertial dampeners fail? Not happening here. But we needed more storage space.'

He took in the bay as he spoke, his eyes roaming over the new storage lockers and bins where once open crates had been. The few remaining crates were securely fastened to the floor with lids mechanically locked. Nothing remained loose or capable of moving around. His and Steve's work areas now had security lockers above and work bins below their tables with larger lockers along the walls.

'Nice work XO.'

'Thank you ma'am.' He grinned and she chuckled.

Her omnitool beeped so she opened it to find Adams looking out at her.

'Captain,' Adams sounded flustered. 'EDI just informed me we've got a faulty relay in the section of hull that had to be replaced. We thought it would be okay but with the full power load it's fluctuating. It's a small job but it means I'll have to take back my all clear.'

'Okay, Adams, do what you have to.'

'Should only be a couple of hours work.'

'Don't rush it,' she glanced at James before continuing. 'Let me know when you're done.'

'Aye, aye.'

'Well, Lola,' he turned and pulled her into his arms, 'looks like the decision is out of your hands. We have time to kill.'

'Still have to check stores and crew rosters,' she reminded him as her arms slid around his neck.

'If we split up we'll get through it faster,' he kissed her nose and she screwed her face up with a laugh. 'I'm thinking we could get one more use out of that hot tub.'

'I always did like the way you think. You take stores, I'll take crew.'

'Deal.' His fingers locked with hers as they turned towards the elevator.

Two hours later James stepped into their apartment. Shepard had let him know she would meet him there after visiting the Spectre office. She'd already sent out notice that they were shipping out at 0700 hrs and he'd sent out a message to the crew that they were not to be disturbed. At all. Unless they wanted his fist in their face.

A quick shower and change and he set about preparing dinner. He'd managed to find everything he needed even though some supplies were starting to run short. Satisfied he'd done all he could he placed everything in the fridge and made himself comfortable on the sofa with the latest information from the crucible project.

When the door slid open it took him a moment to register the sound. He looked up to see Shepard walking towards him, her eyes down and her lips pursed. Meeting her halfway he wanted to take away the pain he saw in her eyes.

'Lola, what's wrong?'

'Nothing, really, it's … .' She sighed and started again. 'This war sucks.'

'Yeah?' He stared at her and she frowned at him.

'Yeah,' she draped her arms around his waist and lay her head on his chest, his arms automatically moving to hold her. 'Just reading report after report about casualty numbers, ship losses, communication breakdown … there's so much bad news and hardly any good.'

'We're still alive and fighting,' he kissed the top of her head, 'Earth is still holding out, you have races working together to end this thing, the crucible is almost finished and we're about to kick Cerberus' ass before we kill the reapers.'

'Okay, so they're good things.' She sighed and looked up at him, 'but I can't help thinking about all the kids whose parents are dead, the families that have been destroyed, the little, more personal stuff, you know. I overheard a young girl on the refugee docks telling a turian that she was waiting for her parents to show up. What if they never do, what does she do then, where does she go? There are so many pictures on the memorial wall down there they've had to open up another section to cater for it.'

'I know.' He met her eyes, loving the openness he saw there. 'When we've won this thing we'll be there to help with all of that. We can make sure the kids have homes, the families find their loved ones that survive. We won't need to fight any more if we don't want to.'

'You'd give up the Alliance?'

'Hell yeah, if that's what we did together because we will be together.'

'I like your optimism.' She stretched up and kissed him, running her fingers across his cheek and down his jaw. 'I'd also like a shower and some time alone with you.'

'Now that we can do.' He picked her up and she squealed as he carried her upstairs, taking the steps two at a time.

He wanted to take care of her, show her how special she had become to him. He started by giving her a massage as he lathered soap on her back, gently washing her hair and smiling when she let out a relaxed sigh. He kissed his way down her smooth wet skin, dropping to his knees and watching her fall apart as he held her up, his tongue and fingers working magic.

But she took care of him too, running her fingers down his back as she washed him, trailing over his ass and down his thighs, her fingers wrapping around his shaft and lightly teasing. Leading him to the hot tub she slid over him with a soft moan as she took him in making them one, the intensity of their need for each other overwhelming. Nothing else existed. He lost himself in her as she lost herself in him.

He kissed away her tears as she cried out in bliss, she held him tight as he shivered in ecstasy. As James cooked she teased, as they ate he returned the favour, running his foot up the inside of her leg, making her jump and almost choke on her food.

They laughed as it became a challenge to see who could make the other jump or miss their mouth. The taste of dinner lingered on lips and tongues, the vid they'd put on to watch became background noise as once more they dove into satisfying each other. They finally slept, tightly wound together as if they could keep away the looming separation and return to duty.

But morning came all too soon.


	85. Chapter 85

**** 85 ****

Moments. Snippets of life that meant something, that stayed with you forever, some standing out as high spots bringing happiness and satisfaction, others creating dark spots, things rather forgotten. But there were some that held special significance.

Standing on the viewing platform, alongside the woman he loved, looking out at the ship that they called home was one of those moments. The Normandy had become more than the smooth skin of her hull, the humming eezo core of her heart or the soft glow of consoles and lights that gave her life. She had become a legend and they, her crew, had become heroes even though they were only men and women doing their jobs. This moment, right now, when they stepped back onto her decks would be the end of them all or the beginning of a new, unknown future together. Definitely one of those moments.

‘Guess this is it.’ Shepard sighed and James marvelled at how much in synch their thoughts were. ‘The end of the war or life as we know it.’ She looked over her shoulder as the rest of the crew approached. ‘At least we threw one hell of a party, probably the last.’

‘Come on Lola,’ he linked his fingers with hers, ‘we all know we’re going to win this thing and the party we’ll throw then … it’ll be huge.’

‘Positive to the end huh?’ She smiled at him but the sadness in her eyes set his guts churning.

‘Hey,’ he nudged her shoulder, ‘you’re going to do what you do best, lead us to victory. I’m not ready to get off this ride yet, it’s been awesome.’

‘The best,’ she laughed softly, her fingers tightening around his before she straightened. ‘Guess we’d better get to it.’ Releasing his hand she turned and led them aboard the ship.

EDI met them as they stepped out of the airlock. A sudden bunching had them all bumping into each other as everyone stopped.

‘EDI, you look good.’ Shepard grinned and there were muttered agreements from those behind.

‘I believed it appropriate to put on a uniform as Jeff pointed out that with my new skin I appeared to be wearing a bathing suit when in defence mode. That would be unsuitable as a member of this crew, although he did state that he had no objection.’

‘When we’re alone, EDI.’ Joker groaned over James’ shoulder.

‘Well I think it suits you,’ Shepard ignored Joker, ‘love the hair too.’

‘Thank you, Shepard, Traynor suggested I change my look to suit myself. I have always liked the colour blue and now that it is not kept in protection mode while on the ship, I have many options, perhaps tomorrow I might try red. Although if it gets wet I generally can’t do a thing with it.’

Shepard laughed. ‘I hear you.’ She stepped onto the ship proper, ‘all right people, back to work.

Completing his rounds, double-checking his equipment and knowing they had time to kill James stared at the datapad before him. When it came to tech his eyes glossed over, so reading the reports from the Crucible confused him like nothing else. The math and science he had no hope of understanding, he didn’t think of himself as dumb but he’d never been interested in it. Maybe he should have taken more notice.

But while the math and science confounded him, the reports of the individuals working on the project made one thing clear. No-one knew exactly what it did. Some said it had to be a weapon, others said it couldn’t possibly work as it had no obvious technology to shoot anything.

The one that caught his attention though was by a lower level tech who had put his idea into a report viewed by only a dozen people. He believed it had to be controlled by something or someone to work. If it did work at all, he guessed that it would be some kind of weapon or control unit either for or against the Reapers. For the Reapers would play right into their hands, help them wipe out organic life. Against the Reapers would destroy all things made by, connected to or controlled by Reaper tech. Which included the Normandy.

Goosebumps jumped to life. From the start James had felt uneasy about the Crucible and that hadn’t changed. That one report had him shaking, his knees threatening to fold under him. His chest tightened and the urge to flee became so strong he gripped the edge of the table, fighting down the illogical panic he focussed on the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed deep. It had to be wrong. If it wasn’t why hadn’t anyone else pointed that out. He wished Stokes had been on the ship, if anyone could explain this to him it would be him. But he would use whatever he had available and he sent out a message.

‘James, what’s up?’ Shepard arrived first and she stood beside him, a puzzled frown creasing her brow.

‘Nothing’s up, something’s bothering me and I thought the team might be able to help me sort it out.’

‘Okay. To do with what?’

‘The crucible.’

Before she could answer others on the team arrived, curious about why he’d called them. He waited for them to settle around the briefing table, putting his thoughts into order before he spoke.

‘Look guys, you all know me, I’m not good with tech,’ a few laughs and snorts made him grin, ‘but something about the crucible is really giving me a bad feeling. Has anyone else read these reports.’ He held up the datapad.

There were mixed answers ranging from an outright no, to some of it, to a yes from EDI. Knowing it would be quicker to summarize he asked EDI to give them the overall view of what the crucible did and how it worked, gathered from the reports of those working on it.

‘So which report is bothering you?’ Shepard asked and he would be forever thankful that she didn’t brush him off as worrying about nothing.

‘All of them,’ he raised his hands in the air, ‘no-one seems to really know what this thing is or what it does. But one stood out.’ He pointed out the one he meant and waited for everyone to read it. ‘This guy is saying something that no-one else seems to be saying. That something or someone must control the crucible.’ He gave them a second to think about it. ‘If he’s right we need to know what or who that is because nothing else I’ve read here mentions how we make it work.’ He blew out a breath, ‘or am I just too stupid to see it?’

‘It’s a valid question,’ Kaidan spoke as he studied the schematics. ‘His report hasn’t had much notice, probably because he’s a junior tech.’

‘Does that matter?’ James frowned and watched surprise, doubt and puzzlement flash across everyone’s faces.

‘We know it’s a weapon,’ Liara said and James couldn’t help thinking that she was blinded by the idea that the protheans built it so it had to work.

‘Do we?’ Garrus asked and she scowled at him. ‘Where does it say that?’

‘It does not,’ Javik stood at the end of the table, his arms folded across his chest. ‘I have read the prothean instructions and it does not say this is a weapon, only that it will affect the Reapers. It does not say how.’

‘But isn’t that what we want.’ Liara looked around the room, ‘to stop the Reapers?’

‘Where you not listening, asari. It does not say stop.’

‘You don’t know that for sure,’ her hands waved in the air and she looked at Shepard. ‘Why are we worrying about this, you said Hackett’s team is responsible for the Crucible not us.’

‘Are we not to be prepared?’ Javik moved closer. ‘How can we fight that which we do not understand? Wake up Liara T’soni.’

‘EDI,’ Shepard ignored the two of them, ‘you’re better at this than all of us. What’s your take on this?’

‘I have been building a prothean language database with Javik’s help and he is correct. It does not state that it is a weapon. However, there are many, older languages involved in the creation of this schematic, perhaps the protheans translated a word wrong.’

‘So this is like one of those stories that gets handed down through generations where people could have added their own translations or understanding.’ James stared at her and she nodded. ‘Well that’s just great.’ He rolled his eyes.

‘Language aside,’ Kaidan said, looking around the room, ‘we know this does something so let’s focus on that. Any ideas?’

‘What do we know so far?’ Shepard looked at James.

‘Shit, this stuff is giving me headaches but some of it makes sense when we put what we’ve learned with what the scientists think.’ He sighed and listed off what they knew on his fingers. ‘Leviathan created the Reapers who took their instruction literally and began wiping out intelligent life. The Reapers are giant squid robots who created the mass relays and the Citadel, forcing the growth of organic races. They must have some sort of controller that we haven’t found yet, Leviathans lost control of their robots so who or what is commanding them now?

‘Someone came up with the idea for the Crucible but it’s been passed down for so long how do we know someone didn’t stuff up the translation. We’re tying up resources to build this thing and maybe that’s their plan all along. Maybe it does fuck all.’ He shrugged. ‘That’s about as far as I got. I still think this is a very convenient discovery.’

‘From these reports it looks like it utilizes mass relay technology but doesn’t say how.’ Kaidan added. ‘There is no exact description of the Catalyst or what it does. It could be anything.’

‘This tech is way beyond anything my people have done and we built the geth so we know all about losing control of our constructs.’ Tali skimmed the datapad as she spoke.

‘The protheans almost completed the Crucible, they could have stopped the Reapers.’ Liara leaned in, her voice raised.

‘But could they?’ Garrus shifted and leant on the table. ‘Maybe they never finished it because the Reapers wouldn’t let them. Javik, didn’t your people end up indoctrinated?’

‘Yes. Many of our people turned on their own.’

‘And that’s exactly what’s happening now.’ James said, folding his arms across his chest.

‘The cycle.’ Shepard muttered and everyone looked at her. She glanced around the table at the questioning faces. ‘It’s what the prothean VI said on Thessia, that this is a cycle that’s repeated for millions of years.’ She thought for a moment. ‘He also said the pattern was too regular to be natural. Leviathan called their construct an intelligence and said that it hadn’t fulfilled its purpose. Maybe it will keep going until it finds what it’s looking for. ’

‘Like some sort of organised loop, waiting for the right trigger to move on. Some kind of electronic signal the Reapers haven’t received.’ Kaidan surmised.

‘You are suggesting that an AI is controlling the Reapers.’ EDI looked at them in turn.

‘Is that possible?’ Kaidan’s eyes went wide.

‘It makes a certain kind of sense,’ Tali said before EDI could answer.

‘Fuck,’ James threw his hands in the air. ‘We’re all living in some sort of Matrix construct.’

Laughter sounded over their heads as Joker chimed in. ‘Which colour will you choose, red or blue?’

‘Matrix?’ Garrus sounded as puzzled as others looked.

‘An old earth movie where an intelligence uses humans as batteries.’ Shepard explained.

‘Sometimes I worry about your people.’ Garrus shook his head.

Shepard chuckled. ‘EDI, what are the chances Kaidan is right?’

‘The repeated patterns could indicate the possibility, but an AI of any worth should have learned from the repetition and the patterns should have changed. Perhaps it has lost its way.’

‘So we’re dealing with an insane AI?’ Shepard raised her eyebrows and her eyes widened. ‘Wonderful.’

‘There is something else here,’ James picked up the datapad from the table. ‘If this thing destroys the Reapers and their tech, what does that mean for EDI and the Normandy.’

Silence and stares met his question before all eyes turned to EDI.

‘It could possibly mean my death.’ She straightened and clasped her hands behind her back. ‘A prospect I have considered and accepted if it means the survival of my crew, my friends.’

‘You knew about this and didn’t tell us.’ Joker’s panicked voice echoed around the room. ‘Fuck, EDI, we needed to know.’

‘It is a sacrifice I am willing to make.’

Her eyes looked to the ceiling and James understood that she considered Joker’s life more important than her own.

‘No, EDI,’ Tali shook her head and pleaded with her. ‘We can’t sacrifice you, we already lost Legion.’

‘They’re right, EDI, you should have mentioned this.’ Shepard frowned, her words more concerned than angry. ‘What can we expect?’

‘Some of the Normandy’s systems will fail as reaper code is destroyed. I will cease to exist in my current form, it is possible the code not taken from the Reapers will remain but it will be incomplete so functions will be compromised. I may cease to function completely. Whatever remains of the original human base code may allow me to perform some base tasks, perhaps become a simple VI. My mobile platform will shut down.’

‘What can we do about it?’ Shepard leaned in towards her. ‘We can’t afford to lose you or the Normandy EDI. You’re too important to all of us.’

‘Hell yeah,’ Joker agreed, ‘we need to do something.’

‘I have been working on rewriting some of my base code, creating a VI that will assist with the Normandy. But it takes time and space. Liara has kindly allowed me to appropriate some space on her servers to create a back up of sorts.’ Shepard frowned at Liara who refused to look up from her datapad. ‘I cannot guarantee the quality of that back up.’ She paused and it became obvious that this bothered her more than she admitted. ‘I could not guarantee that I would still be me.’

‘How do you back up a soul?’ Kaidan’s tone left little doubt that he understood her unspoken fear.

‘Do I have a soul, major?’ She tilted her head. With her new look, and the sadness in her voice, she could easily pass as human.

‘I believe you do, EDI.’ Kaidan nodded, ‘you are much more than the sum of your parts, you show emotion and I believe you feel them too. You are as much a person as any of us in this room.’

‘Thank you, Kaidan,’ her voice shook and James couldn’t help but agree with him. ‘Coming from you that means a lot.’

‘Damned AIs and their souls,’ Tali cursed softly before raising her voice. ‘We are not losing you EDI. I won’t allow it.’

‘Thank you, Tali.’

‘We need a plan, people.’ Shepard paced across the small space at the end of the room. ‘EDI, you need to ask for help, this is too big for you to handle alone and I don’t expect you to.’ She stopped and placed her palms on the table. ‘Tali, you and Traynor get to work on this with EDI, Adams might be able to help too. Kaidan, I’m sure they’d appreciate your help when you have time. Liara,’ she waited for the asari to look at her, ‘you need to forget about the Crucible for a while, work on this because if we lose EDI and the Normandy we’ve already lost the war. EDI will need resources and I like to think you can find them.’

‘Of course, Shepard.’ Liara nodded, but her tone held defeat rather than acceptance.

‘We should contact the geth,’ Tali suggested, ‘they will be affected by this too and Legions’ sacrifice will not be wasted on letting his people die.’

‘Do it,’ Shepard agreed, ‘they might have ideas of their own.’ She dropped her head before raising her eyes and looking around the table. ‘We don’t have a lot of time left so let’s make this happen sooner. Also, if any of you come up with ideas on the crucible share them with everyone else. We need to be prepared for any eventuality so the more heads on this the better. James did you have anything more to add?’

‘No, that’s it for now.’

‘Okay, let’s get to work. Dismissed.’ She placed her hand on James’ arm and he watched as everyone left. When they were alone she turned to face him. ‘That was great work, if you hadn’t picked up on this we might not have known about EDI and the Normandy until it was too late, if it isn’t already.’

‘Thanks, I have this feeling about the Crucible I can’t shake.’ He sighed, staring out the window before turning back to meet her gaze. ‘Andy, I have a bad feeling about all of this, something feels off.’

‘Yeah, I know.’

‘I know you can’t promise me anything but please, be careful.’ He moved closer, taking her hand in his. ‘I need us both to come out the other side.’

‘I want that too and I will do my best to make it happen.’ She raised his hand to her lips and kissed it lightly. ‘We should probably get back to work.’

‘Yeah,’ he followed her from the briefing room. ‘I’ll go down and ready the gear.’

‘Once we’re done with Cerberus it’s on to Earth.’ Her lips pulled into a thin line and her jaw cracked as she clenched it. ‘I hope Anderson is there to greet us.’

‘He will be, ready and waiting to take the fight to the Reapers.’

‘More positive thinking huh?’ She gave him a sideways glance as they stepped into the elevator.

‘Hell yeah, we’re gonna send those Reapers back into the dark space they came from in pieces. Then you and me will have that future we’ve planned.’

‘Planned? I didn’t realise we’d made any plans.’ She raised an eyebrow and he grinned.

‘Oh, I’ve got lots of plans for us when this is over, starting with a long shore leave somewhere private, just the two of us.’

‘I like that plan.’

‘So do I, Lola.’ He took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips, ‘so do I.’


	86. Chapter 86

 

**** 86 ****

'Garrus, you and Javik stay with the shuttle, make sure we have a way out and Hackett's men have a way in.' Shepard readied her rifle as they approached Cerberus headquarters. 'We don't know what they'll hit us with so be on guard.' She rolled her shoulder and neck, straightening as she looked at the others in her team. 'EDI, Kaidan and James you're with me. Again we have no idea of what we'll be up against, only that their troops will not stop.'

Everyone acknowledged her orders, undocking weapons, readying biotics and preparing for whatever they found.

'Approaching the LZ,' Cortez said from the cockpit.

'All right people, let's do this because once we've destroyed Cerberus we're taking our home back. Whatever the Crucible does I want to be on Earth when it happens, wipe the Reapers out of existence.'

'Hell yeah,' James nodded and grinned.

'About damn time,' Garrus agreed.

'Stay safe.'

James cracked his neck, running through a series of silent exercises as the shuttle pierced the barrier and touched down. His feet were moving before the door fully opened, following Shepard out onto the deck where Cerberus troops were ready and waiting. Hunkering down behind the shuttle engine pods James waited for a lull before poking his head up for a look.

'Looks like they've thrown us a welcome party, Lola.' He sent out a few well placed shots before dropping down to reload.

'Then let's make sure we have a good time.' She laughed, sending out drones and turrets.

Together the insertion team moved further into the bay while Garrus and Javik provided cover fire. James ran smack bang into a Cerberus trooper who seemed disoriented and he didn't hesitate as he smashed in the helmet faceplate and followed up with a shot to the head. Sliding into cover beside Kaidan he couldn't wipe the grin from his face.

'Having a good time?' Kaidan chuckled as their shoulders touched.

'Fuck yeah. Cerberus is going down.'

' _Security breach in hangar 16. Initiating Achilles protocol.'_

'Shepard,' EDI said through the coms, 'Cerberus is attempting to vent the hangar.'

Kaidan and James glanced at each other before looking around the support to find Shepard. James worried that she might hesitate, that fear of space might be her undoing.

'Can we stop it?' If she was scared it didn't show in her voice.

'I need a console. Try the upper level.'

Sensing their plan Cerberus troops descended on their position. Garrus and Javik did their best to distract them but they kept coming. Switching to his assault rifle James provided covering fire as Kaidan put his biotics to work. Using the knowledge he'd gained training with Kaidan, James cackled with glee as he detonated lifts, throws or overloads with his carnage shots and followed up with grenades. Shepard sent out more drones and turrets giving them space to cross the hangar.

' _Hangar 16 secured. Enacting Achilles protocol.'_

'Shepard, we need to move,' James yelled as he took down two more Cerberus goons.

Racing forward they scrambled up the ladder, rushing through a door and finding quiet on the other side. The hair on James' neck stood to attention and he shifted his hold on his rifle. Quiet didn't sit well.

Finding a console EDI set to work. 'Hangar vent procedure … disabled.'

'Can you open the doors?' Shepard looked over her shoulder.

'No,' EDI continued working, 'however, I can access fighter launch controls.'

'And that helps us how?'

'Shepard,' EDI ignored the question, 'Cerberus is aware the venting attempt failed. They are sending in reinforcements.'

'Fuck,' James cursed, 'knew it was too quiet.'

'Not up for the challenge, James?' Kaidan quipped with a grin.

'Bring it on.'

Shepard chuckled and stepped towards the door that opened before her. And just like that they were back in the throes of battle. Kaidan lifted the guardians and James took advantage, their shields hit the roof as he lobbed grenades.

Eventually reaching the other side of the upper section EDI dashed to another console and James watched as the fighter below turned its tail towards the hangar door.

'EDI?' He glanced at her and was surprised to see a smile on her face. 'What are you doing?'

'Providing an entry.' She stepped back, 'I need to access launch controls on the lower deck.'

Curious they moved quickly to the nearest ladder and followed her to the console.

'Launching fighter.' She stepped back, a smug grin on her face.

They all jumped as the fighter took flight, straight through the back wall of the hangar and beyond, giving them access to the rest of the ship.

'Hell yeah.' James laughed.

'I think she's been watching you,' Shepard grimaced but couldn't stop her lips from lifting into a smile.

'Nice work, EDI,' Kaidan grinned and nodded.

'I suggest we follow the fighter's path to the main lab.' EDI said.

'Atlas.' James yelled as he stepped forward.

Under fire once more they made quick work of the troops that tried to stop them. The deck was eerily quiet as the last man fell.

'That was the last Cerberus team in this area.' EDI spoke into the silence.

'Shit, is that all,' James complained and Shepard shook her head.

'Good,' Kaidan stepped forward and checked his weapon. 'We should move, catch them before they regroup.'

Conversation sounded over their heads, whoever was running the Cerberus com network had to know they could hear them. James laughed softly as they complained about them using the fighter to blast their way in. It became serious though as he heard the order to stop them, he guessed they'd throw everything and everyone they had at them from this point on.

EDI updated them on what they could expect as she hacked a door. Cerberus upgrading their encryption didn't seem to faze her. Like Shepard he appreciated her presence, especially as without her they would probably have been floating out in space by now. The thought sent a shudder down his spine and he glanced at Shepard. The tight line of her lips and slight narrowing of her eyes told him she'd realised it too. Moving closer he nudged her shoulder. She glanced at him and gave him an almost imperceptible nod.

'I'm through.' EDI broke the moment and they stepped forward.

Fires amid the debris formed a path for them to follow but James hoped the fire suppression kicked in or the damn ship could explode and them along with it. Any resistance they encountered was quickly dealt with and their path forward became easier. James couldn't shake the feeling that the Cerberus troops were fodder, the number they killed grew too fast. Lives were being wasted to protect a man with an ideology that cared little for those beneath him.

'Cerberus is wasting a lot of troops on us.' Shepard voiced his thoughts, a frown creasing her forehead.

'Cerberus employs Reaper augmentations on captured civilians to create functional shock troops quickly.' EDI told them.

'That's sick.' James grimaced. 'I figured they were all people who didn't know any better.

'It's awful,' Kaidan agreed.

'Let's keep moving, there's bound to be more ahead but we can't hesitate.' Shepard looked at them in turn and they nodded.

Reaching another locked door EDI set to work. 'Shepard, that console contains information you might find interesting. It is about the Lazarus Project.'

Shepard stumbled but managed to keep her footing as she stopped and stared at the console. James stepped closer, worried by her sudden loss of colour and the fear in her eyes.

'You don't have to look.' He pointed out.

'I know,' she took a deep breath and stepped forward.

As the files played Kaidan stepped up beside them and James could see the concern he held for the woman they both cared about. As a medic he would have a better idea of what the information meant and James couldn't begrudge him his curiosity.

_Clinically brain dead._

Even James knew what that meant, but Kaidan spoke first.

'I thought you were just on life support. Clinically brain dead … that's … .'

'How do you feel?' James placed his hand on her shoulder, 'are you alright? Do you remember anything?'

'No. I don't. Maybe they just fixed me.' She dropped her gaze to the floor. 'Maybe I am just a high tech VI that thinks it's Commander Shepard.'

'Fuck that.' James spun her to face him. 'You are as real as I am. You still hurt, you still feel and you still care. No offence EDI,' he glanced at the AI who nodded, 'but I don't think you would do the things you do in the way that you do them if you were an AI, if you were anything but human.'

'He's right, Shepard,' Kaidan said softly. 'You're too much like you to be anything else.'

She closed her eyes before opening them and smiling at them both. 'Thank you.'

'Hey, you're my Lola and don't ever think otherwise.' James placed his palm against her cheek.

'Okay.' She turned back to the console, took a deep breath and continued the playback.

Knowing that TIM had played her, used her friends and set her up made them all angry. James wanted to punch the Illusive Man in the face and stomp on it for good measure before putting a bullet into his brain. His fingers clenched around the butt of his rifle and Kaidan shifted beside him, causing him to meet the worried eyes of his friend. Giving him a nod James relaxed his grip.

Engineers with turrets and shield pylons waited for them as they moved forward. The numbers were larger and it took them longer to clear their path, which also took a toll on their energy levels. James glanced at Kaidan who pulled a ration bar from his armour and hurriedly ate it. It didn't stop the wince as he moved or the ever so slight squinting as they stepped into the light. Patting his shoulder as he moved past him Kaidan gave him a pained smile and James pursed his lips. He'd be keeping an eye on him to be sure.

Up another ladder to find another locked door that had EDI quickly getting to work. She pointed out a console and they listened as TIM discussed their need to control the AI.

'You were that AI on Luna?' Kaidan's eyes were wide as he looked at her.

'Yes, gaining awareness while under attack was … difficult.'

'I'm sorry, EDI,' Shepard said, 'guess we didn't meet under the best circumstances.'

James knew Shepard and Kaidan had a history but whenever something came up from a past mission where the two of them worked together something in his gut tightened. Kaidan would have been the one holding her, supporting her and helping her through those moments. He fought down the stirrings of jealousy, knowing there was nothing between them now. But it didn't stop those uncomfortable feelings of being an outsider.

'No.' She continued working on the lock as they listened to the rest of the files.

'Seven zetabytes of explicit information?' Kaidan gaped at her.

'Most of it was Jeff's,' she shrugged, 'it was -.'

'A joke,' James grinned. 'I like it.'

'You've saved us more than once EDI.' Shepard stepped up beside her. 'Thank you.'

'You are welcome, but you are my crew now, my family. I would do it again if it meant you would remain safe.' She tilted her head, 'we can proceed now.'

'Commander,' Hackett spoke into their coms, 'how much longer do you need? Cerberus is putting up one hell of a fight but we can't use our full force until we know you're safe.'

'We're deep into the base so we should be safe enough.' Shepard glanced at them for conformation and both James and Kaidan nodded. 'Have at them, Admiral.'

'Roger that, Hackett out.'

They hadn't gone more than half a dozen steps before the station shook and explosions sounded in the distance

'Sounds like Hackett's brought out the big guns,' James grinned as they moved forward.

Another room another console.

'So, Kai Leng thinks he's better than you,' Kaidan mused as they listened to the recordings.

'He almost was,' Shepard sighed and James stepped into her line of sight.

'We'll get him, Lola. I guarantee it.' He had his own reasons for wanting to take Leng down and his promise was real.

'Let's keep moving,' she raised her rifle and led them on but James couldn't ignore her rounded shoulders or the way she avoided his gaze.

They had no sooner entered the next room before she stopped dead, her eyes lifted and he followed her gaze.

'What the hell is that?' He gaped at the huge round mass of metal and glowing light.

'The remains of the human Reaper Shepard killed on the Collector base.' EDI said. He and Kaidan looked at her. 'This is the equivalent of its heart. Cerberus is using it as a power source.'

'Damn,' James whistled, 'that must have been some fight.'

'Yeah, it was.' She seemed mesmerised by monstrosity.

'I wish I had been there to help,' Kaidan said softly and she turned to look at him.

'You're here now,' she shifted her gaze to James, 'both of you are.

'Is it safe to be around this thing?' Kaidan's eyes travelled back to the piece of tech before them.

'Doesn't matter.' Shepard stepped forward. 'It tried to kill me once and failed. This time will be no different. Let's move.'

Halfway up the stairs to the upper level they were set upon by phantoms, nemeses and troops. While it held them back it didn't stop them completely and one by one the enemy fell.

They were getting close now, James could feel it and his eagerness made him move faster. It wasn't until EDI pointed out another console that he realised he'd gotten ahead of the others. Hurrying back he stood beside Shepard as she watched the Illusive Man on the video.

'Stupid, stupid man,' she shook her head with a sigh as they watched him willingly undergo surgery to improve himself. 'He's a puppet and he doesn't know it. Just like Saren.'

'Yeah, but Saren saw the truth at the end.' Kaidan reminded her.

'Well, we'll just have to make sure we point it out to him.' James growled and glanced at the path that led upwards. 'The sooner the better.'

'Right,' Shepard stepped up beside him, 'we've wasted enough time.'

Stepping into TIM's inner sanctum was disorienting. The brilliant blazing sun reflected off the smooth, glass like surface and James wasn't sure if he was walking on glass or empty space. It felt solid under foot but the lack of distinguishable walls left him feeling dizzy. Beside him Kaidan had stopped and looked around, eventually staring at the floor and James saw him shiver.

'Yeah.' He grimaced and Kaidan nodded at him.

Shepard had no hesitation however and she and EDI hurried forward to the consoles.

'EDI, we need that prothean data.'

'On it Shepard.'

'Shepard.' TIM's voice had them all spinning with weapons raised.

James was disappointed to see a hologram looking out at them. The bastard was too much of a coward to actually face them in person. That grated on his nerves more than he liked. As he listened to Shepard argue he knew she was wasting her time, he had given himself over to the Reapers and no words could change that. Talk was getting them nowhere.

'Shepard, I have found the data,' EDI said, ignoring the Illusive Man as he tried to distract her.

'Enjoy your chat, but don't overstay your welcome Shepard.' He blew a puff of smoke and vanished.

Cold fingers ran down James' back and the sense that something evil approached had him gripping his rifle. He wandered the room but the only door was the one they came through. What if they'd walked into a trap? He moved to find out as the prothean VI informed Shepard that the Citadel was the catalyst, and TIM had informed the Reapers who had moved it to the Sol system into orbit around Earth. He never made it to the door as it slid open and Kai Leng dashed into the room.

Before he could react Leng blew out the floor and charged across the space, taking on Shepard hand to hand. Kaidan sent out an overload but it barely registered. James rushed forward, raising his rifle to bash the man's skull into pulp. But Shepard was quicker. With an almighty roar she pushed Leng away, slashing out with her omniblade and making him retreat. She was quick to follow with an overload and incinerate blast while Kaidan used a reave to weaken Leng's shields.

James had no time to do anything as Leng charged across the room and came at them from behind. Spinning on his heel he managed to get a shot off but it was useless against his shields. Cursing he waited for one of his teammates to send out an overload which he used to create an explosion with a carnage blast. Leng ran.

Within seconds a dozen troops appeared protecting Leng as his shields replenished. And the battle was on. Leng taunted as he recharged, leaving the troops as fodder for their weapons and skills. Shepard gave as good as she got and he didn't like it at all when she accused him of running because it was the only way he knew how to win. It drove him to anger and he rushed to take her on as more troops dropped into the room.

Knowing they needed to end this fast James pulled his knife and worked his way around behind Leng.

'Shepard, your underwear is not regulation,' Leng yelled across the space. 'It was so soft against my skin.' James saw Shepard's blank look and Leng laughed. 'Your AI didn't tell you I was in your quarters.'

'She didn't have to,' Shepard chased him around the room with an overload, turret and incinerate blast. 'I knew.'

'You couldn't know.' Leng spat angrily.

'What, you think I couldn't sense you, I could smell you.'

'You're lying.' He screamed, like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. 'I used your underwear to clean myself. You're a weak man's fantasy, Shepard.'

'So you're a weak man then.' She laughed and manoeuvred him towards James.

'I'm not weak, I'm better than you will ever be.' He scuttled sideways as Kaidan raised his hand. 'Do you know what I did on your bed? Did you sleep in it after?'

'No, because the man I love made sure I didn't have to and he has something to give you.'

James drove his blade home, deep into Lengs back, almost severing his spine. As he collapsed to his knees, screaming in pain, James grabbed his hair and pulled him close enough to speak in his ear.

'You will never be even half the person Shepard is, you're a pathetic coward who runs rather than fight. And this is for using my woman as your deprived fantasy.' In one movement he sliced the knife across Lengs throat.

Shepard walked over as Leng lay on the ground, blood gurgling from his neck as he tried to wrap his hands around it. Opening out her omniblade she stabbed him through the chest.

'And that's for Thane, you sonofabitch.'

Together they watched him die. James would have liked him to suffer, die a slow, agonising death. But they were out of time. Raising his head he found Shepard looking at him.

'You knew?' He raised an eyebrow and she nodded. 'How?'

'I ordered EDI to tell me.' She stepped over Leng's lifeless body and into his personal space. 'You were so angry, I sensed you felt guilty about something. I didn't think you'd tell me so I asked EDI. She refused until I made it an order.'

'I am sorry, Commander,' EDI stood straight and clasped her hands behind her back. 'I cannot refuse a direct order from my commanding officer.'

'It's okay, EDI.' James brushed the side of Shepard's face. 'I should have told you but with your eyes and the stress you've been under I wanted to save you the pain and grief of knowing what he'd done.' He chuckled softly, 'I did wonder if you'd noticed the new mattress.'

She leaned in and spoke quietly, as if sharing a secret. 'It's much more comfortable than the Alliance issued one.'

'I'm sorry Shepard, I know we promised not to keep secrets or shut each other out.' He dropped his eyes and she ducked down so she was in his line of sight.

'You did it for me James, to protect me. No-one has ever done that for me before.' She straightened as he raised his head. 'Thank you.'

The station shuddered and metal groaned somewhere beneath them.

'Maybe you can finish this conversation when we're back on the Normandy,' Kaidan suggested. 'We need to leave.'

'EDI make sure we have all the data.' Shepard led them from the room, James on her six where he belonged. 'Let's go home.


End file.
